Therapy for Black Girls

Session 407: Driving Anxiety

Host: Dr. Joy Harden Bradford
Guests: Fran (Wellness advocate, Friend Zone podcast co-host), Dr. Jameka Moore (Clinical Psychologist)
Release Date: April 16, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode explores the often unspoken topic of driving anxiety—especially its unique impact on adults learning to drive later in life. Dr. Joy Harden Bradford discusses the societal assumptions around driving, the cultural differences in learning this skill, the mental health challenges associated with driving phobias, and practical, compassionate strategies for overcoming fear behind the wheel. Wellness advocate Fran shares her personal journey learning to drive in her 40s, while Dr. Jameka Moore provides clinical insight into the nature and treatment of driving-related anxiety.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Fran’s Story: Learning to Drive as an Adult

Context of Growing Up in New York City

• Fran describes the lack of pressure to learn to drive as a New Yorker due to ubiquitous, affordable public transit and the logistical difficulty and expense of keeping a car in the city.
• "It's not a class thing. It's not a race thing. It's just a convenience thing." — Fran [06:06]
• Although she obtained a license in high school ("just enough to pass the test"), she barely drove after that [06:41].

Moving to Oregon and Facing Driving Anxiety

• Upon relocating to Oregon, Fran realized driving was unavoidable and the cultural expectation was the opposite of NYC.
• "To be learning in my 40s, a pretty scary skill, like driving, was very overwhelming. Actually it was more overwhelming than I anticipated." — Fran [07:25]

Specific Fears and Physical Reactions

• The highway was her biggest anxiety trigger—muscle tension, shallow breathing, and ongoing bodily stress when merging [08:52].
• Relied on community tips, like navigation apps that indicate lanes, to manage stress [09:56].

Tech as a Supportive Tool

• Found comfort in tech (Google Maps, Waze), which minimizes uncertainty about exits/lanes—crucial when panicking [10:03].

Relearning and Unlearning

• Because Fran had some prior experience, driving "came back like riding a bicycle," but she still erred on the side of caution and drove slowly at first [10:55].

2. Social Pressures and Road Rage

Pressure to Drive Faster

• Fran experienced hostility from other drivers for going the speed limit, leading to self-doubt and pressure to conform.
• "I found that people would honk at me...I kind of activated a lot of rage in people by driving the speed limit or even going above." — Fran [12:12]
• Realized much of this road rage feels "misdirected" and potentially exacerbated by pandemic stress [13:35].

Parking Anxiety

• Felt watched and rushed, especially parallel parking or backing in, but practiced in low-pressure settings like empty lots [14:17].
• "I went to, like, a Target parking lot and just practiced pulling in, pulling out..." — Fran [14:52]

Setting Boundaries with Self and Others

• Established driving boundaries (no night/rain driving yet) and advocated for no in-the-moment criticism from her partner [31:48]; feedback is only provided after driving to avoid panic [45:02].

3. Managing Anxiety: Rituals and Mindset Shifts

Coping Tools and Grounding Strategies

• Fran uses a weighted blanket, calming diffuser, curated playlist, and prayer to self-soothe before and during drives [16:44], [34:46].
• "I drive with a blanket wrapped around me to help me stay grounded. I have a diffuser that diffuses essential oils...I make sure I have like a driving playlist..." [16:44]

Self-Talk and Acceptance

• Actively talks herself through anxieties in real-time:
  • "Talk yourself through what's kicking up for you. If you're feeling shame, then, like, have that convo with yourself while you're driving." [46:35]

Mindful Progress and Self-Compassion

• Fran appreciates celebrating small wins and gives herself grace for not being instantly proficient.
• "The pride to see the progress...I went from, like, creating that to do list and trying to get through it that day to now it’s not even a second thought." [21:27]
• Her goal: "Take as long as I need to and make my mistakes." [30:15]

4. Navigating Adult “Late Bloomers” and Shame

• Fran directly addresses shame around learning to drive as an adult, emphasizing that "it's not late."
• "We have our reasons for why we didn't develop these skill sets. And I think the biggest thing is to just forget that part. Just accept that part." [32:58]
• Encourages baby steps, such as driving to do one small errand [33:11].

5. Clinical Insights: Dr. Jameka Moore on Driving Anxiety

Nature and Prevalence

• Driving phobias include fear of highways, merging, being a passenger, weather conditions, or unfamiliar places.
• More young people are delaying driving, possibly due to tech alternatives and less in-school driver's ed [52:27].

Roots of Anxiety

• Catastrophic thinking (“worst-case scenarios”), modeling from anxious caregivers, personal or observed traumatic driving experiences fuel the phobia [53:10].

Treatment Approach: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Exposure

• Cognitive Restructuring: Identify and challenge distorted thoughts, distinguish rational concern from exaggerated anxiety [54:35].
• Exposure Therapy: Gradual, structured practice—starting in empty lots up to highways, fostering anxiety management while driving, not elimination of all anxiety [56:22].
  • "Exposure therapy is directly confronting whatever that fear is...We create like a graduated plan in order to help clients work on their own specific zone." — Dr. Moore [56:22]
  • Emphasizes anxiety management, not total eradication: "This is about learning to manage your anxiety while doing the thing." [57:38]

Practical Exposure Plans

• Involves exposure buddies, with gradual reduction of their support to avoid dependence [60:01], [62:41].

Setbacks and Realistic Expectations

• Common obstacles: expecting zero anxiety, avoidance of exposure practice, lack of accountability [73:45].
• Not suitable for those with true skill deficits—need basic driving ability before tackling anxiety [75:00].

Tips for Support Systems

• Family/friends should ask what support is helpful, provide encouragement, and avoid over-accommodation [66:39].
• "Meet people where they are. I think we forget a simple question to just say, how can I support you?" — Dr. Moore [66:39]

Lessons on Acceptance

• The goal is to learn to drive despite anxiety, not in its total absence. Anxiety-free life is not required.
• "Learning how to live with the anxiety and not coming to therapy thinking that your anxiety is going to 100% disappear." [76:34]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Fran on pride after her first solo drive:
  "It was so hard, and I wanted to cry, and I was trembling for most of it, but I did it. I remember when I came and parked in front of my house, I just started clapping. I was in that car, clapping so hard, and I was like, you did it. You did it." [18:41]
• Fran on shame and late-blooming:
  "People will throw terms around like late bloomer...It’s blooming at some point." [49:02]
• Dr. Moore on exposure therapy:
  "You can’t treat phobias without exposure therapy. It just doesn’t work." [56:22]
• Dr. Moore on managing, not eliminating, anxiety:
  "There is no anxiety-free life...I'd rather [clients] expect it to show up and be like, 'Okay, I can drive and be anxious, I can talk and be anxious.'" [73:41]

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Fran’s background & NYC driving culture: [06:06]
• Fran’s specific driving anxieties (highway, merging): [08:52]
• Fran’s coping rituals (blanket, diffuser, playlist): [16:44], [34:46]
• Celebrating small wins & personal milestones: [21:27], [18:41]
• Shame and stigma around late learning: [32:58], [49:02]
• Introduction of Dr. Moore/psychological roots: [51:02], [53:10]
• Treatment strategies (CBT, exposure): [54:35], [56:22]
• Role of exposure buddies: [60:01], [62:41]
• Supporting loved ones with driving anxiety: [66:39]
• Living with—not erasing—anxiety: [76:34]

Summary Takeaways

• Driving anxiety is more common than admitted, especially in those who did not learn as teens and those moving to new environments.
• Facing fears is a process that requires compassionate self-talk, patience, and acceptance of the discomfort.
• Rituals and practical supports (music, diffusers, self-talk, and prayer) can help make driving more manageable.
• Therapeutic approaches focus on cognitive reframing, graduated exposure, and learning to function alongside anxiety, not erasing it.
• Support from loved ones is most helpful when it is patient, affirming, and guided by the actual needs of the driver.
• Celebrating incremental growth and confronting shame is key—it's never "too late" to learn a life skill.

To stay connected with Fran:

• Website and social: @heyfranhey
• The Friend Zone podcast (new episodes Wednesdays)

Connect with Dr. Jameka Moore:

• Website: drjamikamoore.com
• IG: @jamsession

This episode is a powerful resource for anyone experiencing driving anxiety, their loved ones, or anyone confronting "late bloomer" shame connected to essential adult skills. The shared stories and clinical expertise deliver both solidarity and actionable strategies for moving forward—one mile at a time.