Therapy for Black Girls - Session 447: Getting Through Friendship Breakups

Host: Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, Ph.D.
Date: January 21, 2026

Episode Overview

In this heartfelt solo session, Dr. Joy Harden Bradford delves into the complex, often under-discussed territory of friendship breakups. Drawing from both clinical expertise and personal reflection, she explores the particular grief that stems from losing a close friend, the challenges of navigating the aftermath, and offers compassionate strategies to process, heal, and ultimately open yourself up to new, meaningful connections. The episode is part of the “January Jumpstart” series, aimed at supporting listeners as they evaluate and renew relationships at the start of the year.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Grief of Friendship Breakups (05:05)

• Disenfranchised Grief

  • Dr. Joy introduces the concept of “disenfranchised grief”—grief that isn’t widely acknowledged by society.
    • “The grief associated with something like a friendship breakup ... falls into the category of what we call disenfranchised grief.” (06:30)
  • Comparison to socially recognized losses (like death) that have ritual and support, versus friendship breakups that often do not.
  • Common minimizations, e.g., “Oh, she wasn’t a good friend anyway,” which don’t help the grieving person.

• Why It Hurts So Much

  • Friends are “our chosen family” and often hold deep, shared histories (08:10).
    • “Who else will get those jokes? Losing this kind of connection is painful and can often lead to a real crisis in belonging, identity, and worth.” (09:35)
  • The end of a friendship can trigger questions of identity and belonging.

• Social Ripple Effects

  • Navigating mutual friends, shared spaces, and online presence after a breakup.
  • Advice to be clear and honest with mutual friends about comfort levels and needs.

2. Evaluating When to End a Friendship (12:00)

• Red Flags & Non-Negotiables

  • Consistent unmet needs, disrespect, belittlement, or major breaches of trust are indications it may be time to move on.
    • “When trust is violated and the violation is too large for you to overcome, this is likely an indication that it may be best to walk away.” (12:53)

• Friendships Can End Quietly

  • Not all breakups involve betrayal or drama—sometimes people “just grow apart.”
    • “No one has to be the villain. There is no love lost. We are simply in different places that may no longer intersect.” (14:26)
  • Permission to step away even if “nothing awful has happened.”

• Signs a Friendship May Be Repairable

  • Sincere apologies, ruptures caused by life transitions (moves, new jobs, having children) can be repaired if both parties are willing.
    • “Friendships can actually be stronger on the other side if all parties are committed to hearing each other.” (15:50)

3. Self-Reflection Post-Breakup (18:27)

• Assessing Your Own Role

  • Importance of self-inquiry after a breakup—not to shame, but to learn:
    • Did you give without asking for support?
    • Did jealousy or changes in priorities (like new romantic relationships) contribute?
    • Did you struggle to voice needs or set boundaries?
    • “There are things about ourselves that we may not even know about ourselves until it is revealed in the confines of a relationship.” (19:32)

• Room for Growth

  • Understanding your patterns can help you forge healthier relationships in the future.

4. Navigating Healing and Moving Forward (22:12)

• Closure is Self-Given

  • Acceptance that closure may have to be self-made; the other person may not be available for a final conversation or explanation.
    • “The truth is that oftentimes closure is something we have to give ourselves.” (22:40)

• Allowing Grief and Seeking Support

  • Encourage leaning into grief and reaching out for support from understanding friends or therapists.
    • “Healing is not meant to happen alone. Ask for the support that you so readily offer to other people...” (23:19)

• Hope for Future Connections

  • Assurance that, as with romantic breakups, love and strong friendships are possible and likely in the future.
    • “You have not yet met all the people who will love you.” (26:48)

5. Practical Healing Strategies (25:23)

• Letter-Writing Exercise

  • Write a letter to the former friend, saying everything you wish you could say—apologies, lingering questions, unmet needs—but don’t send it.
    • “This is simply an exercise for you to get clearer on what you’re actually holding.” (25:59)

• Affirming the Reality of Friendship Grief

  • Gentle encouragement: “One thing that I wish more people understood about friendship breakups is that their grief is very real and that tenderness and gentleness go a very long way.” (26:20)

• Green Flags and Letting Go

  • Seek relationships with friends genuinely excited about your wins.
  • Release reluctance to ask for help to make space for better relationships.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Friendships are not placeholders or substitutions for something else. They are central and relevant relationships with people who we choose and who choose us.” (08:47)
• “It is okay to walk away simply because you no longer feel like something is a good fit for you. And I wonder if we can actually hold space for that.” (14:13)
• “Maybe we did way too much sacrificing, or maybe we struggled to assert ourselves and ask for what we needed.” (20:01)
• “If you're in the middle of a friendship breakup right now, I want you to cry as long as you need to, but also know that you will be okay and that you have not yet met all the people who will love you.” (26:48)

Important Timestamps

• 05:05 — Introduction to disenfranchised grief and why friendship breakups hurt deeply
• 09:35 — The crisis of belonging and challenges around mutual friends
• 12:00 — Red flags and when to consider ending a friendship
• 14:26 — Permission to grow apart without blame
• 15:50 — Repairable ruptures in friendships
• 18:27 — Self-reflection: Examining your own role in friendships
• 22:12 — Finding closure and accepting uncertainty
• 25:23 — Letter-writing exercise for processing grief
• 26:48 — Words of encouragement for listeners moving through friendship loss

Overall Tone

Dr. Joy’s tone remains compassionate, validating, and gently directive throughout. She provides a warm, nonjudgmental space for listeners to acknowledge their pain, encourages honest reflection, and balances this with messages of hope and agency. This episode is both soothing and practical, ideal for anyone struggling in the aftermath of a friendship ending.

Resources

• Sisterhood Heals (Dr. Joy Harden Bradford’s book) — mentioned for deeper exploration of these themes
• Patreon Community — Sunday night check-ins and a Friendship Breakup Companion Guide for support and reflection
  community.therapyforblackgirls.com

For those seeking solace, clarity, and actionable steps after a friendship breakup, this episode is an invaluable guide, affirming both the pain of loss and the possibilities of renewed connection and self-understanding.