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Session 448: Who Are You, For Real? - Therapy for Black Girls | Wave AI Podcast Notes

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Session 448: Who Are You, For Real?

Therapy for Black Girls

Wed Jan 28 2026

Summary

Therapy for Black Girls – Session 448: Who Are You, For Real?

Host: Dr. Joy Harden Bradford
Guests: Nina Westbrook (therapist, wellness advocate), Oludara Adio (therapist, author)
Date: January 28, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode, part of the January Jumpstart series, centers on the evolving journey of identity—asking the question, “Who are you, really?” Dr. Joy Harden Bradford hosts candid conversations with therapist Nina Westbrook and author/therapist Oludara Adio. Together, they explore boundaries, the lessons of motherhood, self-care rituals, the grief of personal transitions, and embracing continual transformation. The tone is warm, open, and deeply reflective, offering guidance and solidarity for listeners navigating their own identities.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Boundaries and Identity in Human-Centered Work

Nina Westbrook’s Journey to Therapy
- Grew up in a busy, blended family; felt responsible and became a natural “sounding board.”
- Originally aimed to be a writer, but shifted focus after discovering a love for psychology in college.
  “It didn’t feel hard. It didn’t feel like school, just felt like... right.” (Nina, 05:01)
Setting Boundaries as a Therapist and a Person
- Boundaries aren’t just for clients—they start with the self.
- Learned not to insert herself into others’ problems unless invited.
- Being “the strong one” in family/friends circles led her to recognize her limits and assert healthy boundaries.
- “The boundary had to come from me. I had to set my own boundary for myself, not to insert myself into other people's problems… if I wasn’t asked." (Nina, 05:43)
Letting Others Learn Through Experience
- Now less prone to unsolicited advice (except to husband, mom, and children).
- Emphasized the importance of allowing those she loves to grow via trial and error.
- “I had to learn to let my children or let other people experience things for themselves because I can't tell them everything. Right? There has to be some trial and error.” (Nina, 07:48)

2. Lessons from Motherhood: Boundaries, Self-Kindness, and Saying “No”

How Motherhood Changed Nina
- Gained confidence in saying “no” with compassion—a key learning.
- Rejection of people-pleasing tendencies and striving for clarity in boundaries.
- “I became a person who was willing to just say no and not care as much... I’m able to say no and make it sound like a yes, but it’s a no. Very gently, very nicely but very firm and clear at the same time.” (Nina, 11:19)
Learning to Prioritize Herself
- Realized that not putting herself first resulted in resentment and emotional heaviness.
- “If I'm not able to prioritize the things that I want to prioritize, then I can easily say no and feel good about it.” (Nina, 14:31)
- Open regarding how boundary-setting was learned "the hard way"—by reaching her limits.
- “If I wasn't going to do that, then no one else would… I want to be free spirited, I want to be happy, I want to feel light.” (Nina, 13:13)

3. The Reality of Change: Identity & Grief

Embracing Evolving Identities
- Dr. Joy highlights that as we grow, old identities may need to be shed—bringing opportunities for reflection but also grief.
- Oludara speaks to the need for self-forgiveness and grace:
  - "There needs to be forgiveness, less judgment, because you don't know what you don't know. We are allowed to evolve and grow and change." (Oludara, 20:05)
  - Social media can intensify pressure to maintain psychic consistency, complicating growth.
Naming and Navigating Non-Death Grief
- Dr. Joy: Recognizing grief in identity shifts is new for many, but necessary (21:39).
- Oludara: Accepting the heaviness of evolving is part of the journey, and being okay with it is essential for growth.

4. Everyday Self-Care as Grounding Ritual

Oludara’s Self-Care Guidance for Black Women
- Sleep as a priority: “What is your sleep routine?” (Oludara, 22:47)
- Community: Evaluate, nurture, or build friendships; community support is foundational.
- Joy: Actively engage with what brings real happiness, from small pleasures to bold hobbies.
- “Building community does take work… I also think community helps with self care because we need each other.” (Oludara, 22:47)
Journal Prompts for Self-Discovery
- Affirmation: “I am allowed to create the life that I love.”
- Prompt 1: “What do I want my life to look like?”—Answer for yourself, not anyone else.
  - "There's something powerful about seeing what you want to accomplish." (Oludara, 24:39)

5. Protecting What Matters Most in 2026

Ask: What are you protecting fiercely this year?
- Oludara: Protecting restorative sleep while recovering from burnout.
  “I’m going to be going to bed before 1am!” (Oludara, 27:22)
- Nina: Shifting from “protection” to openness—ready to embrace opportunities without self-doubt.
  “I just feel free. I feel like I don't need to protect so much. I'm ready to be very open and…take on opportunities without fear and without self-doubt.” (Nina, 27:31)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Being True to Yourself:
"Identity is not a destination, it’s a process that evolves alongside our experiences, relationships and the seasons of our lives." — Dr. Joy (28:13)
On Self-Compassion:
"Meeting yourself with curiosity and compassion instead of judgment." — Dr. Joy (28:23)
On Letting Go:
"Give yourself some grace, even maybe forgive yourself... I am allowed to be a different person than I was two days ago." — Oludara (20:05)
On Small Steps of Self-Care:
"People overestimate what it looks like to take care of yourself... really self-care is in the small moments and the daily habits that we create." — Nina (17:57)

Timestamps for Important Segments

02:45 — Dr. Joy introduces theme of identity and guests
03:48 — Nina Westbrook on becoming a therapist
05:36 — Boundaries: “I’m not your therapist”
11:12 — Motherhood, boundaries, and self-kindness
13:09 — How to learn to say “no” and put yourself first
19:36 — Navigating grief when identity shifts (Oludara Adio)
22:28 — Everyday self-care rituals and grounding practices
24:07 — Journal prompts for identity exploration
26:39 — What to protect fiercely in 2026
28:13 — Key takeaways on becoming and transformation

Episode Takeaways

Boundaries are essential for sustaining one’s identity and well-being, especially when doing caring work.
Personal growth often brings grief as we let go of old versions of ourselves; this is normal and deserves compassion.
Self-care isn’t extravagant—it is built from small, consistent, daily acts that prioritize rest, nourishment, and joy.
Identity is an ongoing process, not a static label; meeting yourself with curiosity, not judgment, is crucial.
Transformation requires both protection and openness—sometimes you need to fiercely guard your needs, sometimes you must step bravely into new possibility.

This episode is a gentle invitation to honor your evolving self and to care for your needs with intention and tenderness as you navigate the ongoing question: “Who are you, for real?”

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Transcript

Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford (0:10)

Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a weekly conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more or to find a therapist in your area, visit our website@therapyforblackgirls.com while I hope you love listening to and learning from the podcast, it is not meant to be a substitute for a relationship with a licensed mental health professional.

Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford (0:55)

Hey y', all, thanks so much for joining me for session 448 of the therapy for Black Girls Podcast. We'll get right into our conversation after a word from our sponsors.

Nina Westbrook (1:11)

This is an I Heart podcast.

Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford (1:14)

Guaranteed human I'm Dr. Joy from the.

Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford (1:17)

Therapy for Black Girls Podcast.

Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford (1:19)

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Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford (2:10)

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Nina Westbrook (15:59)

You know what, like you, Dr. Joy, I think what I'm trying to do is share all of my experiences through my different platforms and the knowledge that I have. And I think that I had to suffer an injury and be immobile and in excruciating pain for months on end before I actually decided to prioritize my health. Because I was just going, I was just doing too much. And it wasn't until I realized once I was down and out, I was down for the count that other people were stepping up. I feel like the biggest lesson that I learned in all of that is the world's going to keep spinning whether I am there or not, whether I am doing drop off or pickup or not, whether I am at a dinner party or not. Like everything is going to keep going. I'm just a very tiny little part of the system. And I think that what that taught me is that I have to be the one to prioritize myself and I have to be the one who's in charge of my own happiness and taking charge and control over my life in the way that I wanted it to look. And I think it's hard for a lot of people because we have so many responsibilities. And I think one of the things that we all miss sometimes Is how implementing really small changes and really small things into our days that are actually truly tangible, but just prioritizing them and creating consistency in our health and wellness routine. Taking a little bit of time off for ourselves each morning, maybe by waking up a little bit earlier and having some quiet time, meditation time, not reaching for our phone, the first thing we do when we get up. These are all small ways we can take care of ourselves and just eating meals, proper meals at the proper time, and making sure we're energizing our bodies and getting outside for a fresher breath air when we can. I think that people overestimate what it looks like to take care of yourself. And I think you can look at social media and you see all these really extravagant ways people are taking care of themselves or these extravagant ideas of self care, but really self care is in the small moments and the daily habits that we create. And for anyone looking to improve in their mental health and wellness, or even physical wellness, I think just having a steady routine and being disciplined will take you a really long way. It doesn't take a whole lot, just a little bit of time and dedication.