Therapy for Black Girls – Session 448: Who Are You, For Real?

Host: Dr. Joy Harden Bradford
Guests: Nina Westbrook (therapist, wellness advocate), Oludara Adio (therapist, author)
Date: January 28, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode, part of the January Jumpstart series, centers on the evolving journey of identity—asking the question, “Who are you, really?” Dr. Joy Harden Bradford hosts candid conversations with therapist Nina Westbrook and author/therapist Oludara Adio. Together, they explore boundaries, the lessons of motherhood, self-care rituals, the grief of personal transitions, and embracing continual transformation. The tone is warm, open, and deeply reflective, offering guidance and solidarity for listeners navigating their own identities.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Boundaries and Identity in Human-Centered Work

• Nina Westbrook’s Journey to Therapy

  • Grew up in a busy, blended family; felt responsible and became a natural “sounding board.”
  • Originally aimed to be a writer, but shifted focus after discovering a love for psychology in college.
    “It didn’t feel hard. It didn’t feel like school, just felt like... right.” (Nina, 05:01)

• Setting Boundaries as a Therapist and a Person

  • Boundaries aren’t just for clients—they start with the self.
  • Learned not to insert herself into others’ problems unless invited.
  • Being “the strong one” in family/friends circles led her to recognize her limits and assert healthy boundaries.
  • “The boundary had to come from me. I had to set my own boundary for myself, not to insert myself into other people's problems… if I wasn’t asked." (Nina, 05:43)

• Letting Others Learn Through Experience

  • Now less prone to unsolicited advice (except to husband, mom, and children).
  • Emphasized the importance of allowing those she loves to grow via trial and error.
  • “I had to learn to let my children or let other people experience things for themselves because I can't tell them everything. Right? There has to be some trial and error.” (Nina, 07:48)

2. Lessons from Motherhood: Boundaries, Self-Kindness, and Saying “No”

• How Motherhood Changed Nina

  • Gained confidence in saying “no” with compassion—a key learning.
  • Rejection of people-pleasing tendencies and striving for clarity in boundaries.
  • “I became a person who was willing to just say no and not care as much... I’m able to say no and make it sound like a yes, but it’s a no. Very gently, very nicely but very firm and clear at the same time.” (Nina, 11:19)

• Learning to Prioritize Herself

  • Realized that not putting herself first resulted in resentment and emotional heaviness.
  • “If I'm not able to prioritize the things that I want to prioritize, then I can easily say no and feel good about it.” (Nina, 14:31)
  • Open regarding how boundary-setting was learned "the hard way"—by reaching her limits.
  • “If I wasn't going to do that, then no one else would… I want to be free spirited, I want to be happy, I want to feel light.” (Nina, 13:13)

3. The Reality of Change: Identity & Grief

• Embracing Evolving Identities

  • Dr. Joy highlights that as we grow, old identities may need to be shed—bringing opportunities for reflection but also grief.
  • Oludara speaks to the need for self-forgiveness and grace:
    • "There needs to be forgiveness, less judgment, because you don't know what you don't know. We are allowed to evolve and grow and change." (Oludara, 20:05)
    • Social media can intensify pressure to maintain psychic consistency, complicating growth.

• Naming and Navigating Non-Death Grief

  • Dr. Joy: Recognizing grief in identity shifts is new for many, but necessary (21:39).
  • Oludara: Accepting the heaviness of evolving is part of the journey, and being okay with it is essential for growth.

4. Everyday Self-Care as Grounding Ritual

• Oludara’s Self-Care Guidance for Black Women

  • Sleep as a priority: “What is your sleep routine?” (Oludara, 22:47)
  • Community: Evaluate, nurture, or build friendships; community support is foundational.
  • Joy: Actively engage with what brings real happiness, from small pleasures to bold hobbies.
  • “Building community does take work… I also think community helps with self care because we need each other.” (Oludara, 22:47)

• Journal Prompts for Self-Discovery

  • Affirmation: “I am allowed to create the life that I love.”
  • Prompt 1: “What do I want my life to look like?”—Answer for yourself, not anyone else.
    • "There's something powerful about seeing what you want to accomplish." (Oludara, 24:39)

5. Protecting What Matters Most in 2026

• Ask: What are you protecting fiercely this year?
  • Oludara: Protecting restorative sleep while recovering from burnout.
    “I’m going to be going to bed before 1am!” (Oludara, 27:22)
  • Nina: Shifting from “protection” to openness—ready to embrace opportunities without self-doubt.
    “I just feel free. I feel like I don't need to protect so much. I'm ready to be very open and…take on opportunities without fear and without self-doubt.” (Nina, 27:31)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Being True to Yourself:
  "Identity is not a destination, it’s a process that evolves alongside our experiences, relationships and the seasons of our lives." — Dr. Joy (28:13)

• On Self-Compassion:
  "Meeting yourself with curiosity and compassion instead of judgment." — Dr. Joy (28:23)

• On Letting Go:
  "Give yourself some grace, even maybe forgive yourself... I am allowed to be a different person than I was two days ago." — Oludara (20:05)

• On Small Steps of Self-Care:
  "People overestimate what it looks like to take care of yourself... really self-care is in the small moments and the daily habits that we create." — Nina (17:57)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 02:45 — Dr. Joy introduces theme of identity and guests
• 03:48 — Nina Westbrook on becoming a therapist
• 05:36 — Boundaries: “I’m not your therapist”
• 11:12 — Motherhood, boundaries, and self-kindness
• 13:09 — How to learn to say “no” and put yourself first
• 19:36 — Navigating grief when identity shifts (Oludara Adio)
• 22:28 — Everyday self-care rituals and grounding practices
• 24:07 — Journal prompts for identity exploration
• 26:39 — What to protect fiercely in 2026
• 28:13 — Key takeaways on becoming and transformation

Episode Takeaways

• Boundaries are essential for sustaining one’s identity and well-being, especially when doing caring work.
• Personal growth often brings grief as we let go of old versions of ourselves; this is normal and deserves compassion.
• Self-care isn’t extravagant—it is built from small, consistent, daily acts that prioritize rest, nourishment, and joy.
• Identity is an ongoing process, not a static label; meeting yourself with curiosity, not judgment, is crucial.
• Transformation requires both protection and openness—sometimes you need to fiercely guard your needs, sometimes you must step bravely into new possibility.

This episode is a gentle invitation to honor your evolving self and to care for your needs with intention and tenderness as you navigate the ongoing question: “Who are you, for real?”