Session 454: Black Single Mothers

Summary

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Therapy for Black Girls – Session 454: Black Single Mothers

Host: Dr. Joy Harden Bradford
Guest: Jamilah Lemieux (Writer, Cultural Critic)
Date: March 11, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode takes a deep dive into the nuanced realities of Black single motherhood, challenging stereotypes and exploring both struggles and strengths. Dr. Joy sits down with writer and cultural critic Jamilah Lemieux to discuss her new book, Black Single Mother. The conversation interrogates media narratives, personal journeys, the importance of community, and how single Black mothers are redefining family structures.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Breaking Down Stereotypes & Shame

• Pervasive Negative Stereotypes: Jamilah highlights how media, politicians, and even religious leaders have historically painted Black single mothers as scapegoats for broader social issues.
  • "Black single mothers are somehow responsible for the challenges in the black community... It's just simply not true." — Jamilah Lemieux [07:12]
• Economic Realities: She asserts outcomes for children are tied more to economics than family structure, pushing back on the notion that single motherhood alone defines a child's future.
• Desirability Narrative: Jamilah admits her initial hesitation to write this book was linked to fears of being permanently labeled—“I was afraid that if I put my name behind it in that way... that’s going to mean that I’m a black single mother forever and ever, when that’s not what I’ve wanted for myself.” [05:09]

Personal Stories and Accountability

• Motherhood & Validation: Both host and guest unpack the social pressure to “fix” single motherhood by partnering or marrying, and Jamilah candidly describes her own journey toward self-acceptance.
  • “As much as I wanted to be married, I wasn’t willing to just be with anyone or to accept somebody who wouldn’t have been a great partner… I took my time and looked for a suitable mate.” — Jamilah Lemieux [06:18]
• Vulnerability and Growth: Jamilah discusses being honest about the messier realities of her parenting and relationship, including taking accountability in the breakdown of her co-parenting relationship.
  • “People are probably least prepared to hear me take accountability for the downfall of my relationship with my daughter's father… But at the same time, I am not a failure because I may have failed my boyfriend.” [29:43]

The Importance of Community and “Village”

• The Multiverse of Black Single Mothers: Jamilah describes how her book weaves together her own story with those of other moms, making it clear that experiences are diverse, but commitment to their children is consistent.
  • “The primary experts on Black single motherhood and their experiences are going to be Black single moms.” — Jamilah Lemieux [15:39]
• Building a Village: Advice for moms considering relocation or solo parenthood is pragmatic:
  • “Do not move to a place where you do not have a village unless there is some life altering, fabulous opportunity that is guaranteed.” — Jamilah Lemieux [17:58]
• Co-Parenting Dynamics: Jamilah shares that having an involved co-parent fundamentally shifted her experience and opportunities as a single mother.

Shifting Family Narratives

• Redefining Family Beyond Eurocentric Models: The discussion emphasizes moving away from rigid, patriarchal definitions of family to embrace communal, child-centered approaches, resonant with African diasporic traditions.
  • “Matriarchy doesn’t center mothers, it centers children… it’s about creating the systems and communities that we need to ensure that everyone has what they need.” — Jamilah Lemieux [22:21]
• Resistance to Matriarchy: Jamilah attributes it to the legacy of white supremacist patriarchy, imitated even within Black communities.
  • “We’re emulating our oppressor… we’re not necessarily thinking first about loving, healthy relationships.” — Jamilah Lemieux [23:38]

Mental Health & Public Vulnerability

• Dealing with Backlash: Jamilah addresses online hate and safeguarding her mental health:
  • “I did take some time away... but throughout it all, I’ve always been convinced that I’m correct… so they haven’t succeeded.” [10:00]
• Social Media Honesty: She weighs the costs and benefits of being candid about parenting challenges, noting that any negative impact is outweighed by the connection and affirmation received from other women.

Dating & Building New Relationships

• Single Mother Dating Realities: Jamilah is realistic about the complexities, noting the importance of selectivity when introducing partners to her daughter.
  • “Only two people have met Naima… We would have to be in a committed relationship where we’re talking about the future.” — Jamilah Lemieux [20:27]
• Strategic Considerations: She advises evaluating how much space one has for dating, and to gather information about the dating landscape in any prospective new city.

Generational Shifts & Legacy

• Breaking Cycles: Jamilah reframes “generational curses,” focusing on intentional change, not internalized shame.
  • "I don’t think that me not being married to my daughter’s father has cursed my child… I want her to become a mother under the circumstances she most desires." — Jamilah Lemieux [26:55]
• Stereotypes and Nuance: She stresses that “single mother” stories are varied and that both choice and circumstance play roles. Respect and support, not judgment, should be the takeaway.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On shame versus truth:
  • “There are single mothers who end up single mothers because they weren’t great girlfriends or wives. And that’s okay, right? … I am not a failure because I may have failed my boyfriend.” — Jamilah Lemieux [29:43]
• Redefining success:
  • “I think many of us as children think that somehow our parents have all the answers. And now I’m very clear that my parents… we’re making it up as we go along, just trying to do the very best that we can.” — Dr. Joy [09:40]
• Matriarchy & Black community:
  • “Women-led doesn’t mean that there’s no role for men… But I think we do need to return to this foundation that we have of women being loved and supported and trusted as leaders.” — Jamilah Lemieux [22:21]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Black Single Mothers and Stereotypes – [02:15]
• Book Origins & Personal Hesitancy – [05:09]
• Media Portrayals and Pop Culture – [10:35]
• Motherhood, Empathy, and Accountability – [08:21]
• On Building & Needing a Village – [17:58]
• Family Legacy, Matriarchy vs. Patriarchy – [22:09]
• Redefining Family & Breaking Curses – [26:47]
• Honest Reflections on Relationship Endings – [29:43]
• Visibility and The Need for More Stories – [31:02]
• Book Release Details and Connection Info – [35:31]

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Resources & Further Engagement

• Jamilah’s website: [jamilahlemieux.com]
• Instagram & Threads: @JamilahLemieux
• Black Single Mother available at major retailers and indie booksellers (notably: Reparations Club LA, Cafe Con Libros Brooklyn, Call and Response Chicago, Kinder Spirits Houston, all with online options).
• Book tour information on her Instagram and website.

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This conversation, rich with self-reflection, cultural critique, and practical wisdom, is a vital listen (and read) for anyone interested in the complex, resilient, and inspiring lives of Black single mothers. The episode champions honest storytelling and community care, offering solidarity and actionable advice for Black women and those connected to them.

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Transcript

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a weekly conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or to find a therapist in your area, visit our [e-mail] while I hope you love listening to and learning from the podcast, it is not meant to be a substitute for a relationship with a licensed mental health professional.

Hey y', all, thanks so much for joining Me for session 454 of the therapy for Black Girls Podcast. We'll get right into our conversation after a word from our sponsors.

[Jamilah Lemieux]

I'm Dr. Joy from the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast.

[Dr. Jake Goodman]

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[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

Black single mothers have long been the subject of stereotypes, police, political debate and cultural criticism. For decades, narratives in media and public discourse have framed them as the root of social problems rather than recognizing the complex realities of their lives, families and communities. But the truth is far more nuanced. Black single mothers have always been central to the strength and survival of Black communities. They are caregivers, leaders and culture shapers, often raising children, supporting extended family members and contributing to their communities in powerful ways. Today's guest is writer and cultural critic Jamilah Lemieux, whose work has helped shape conversations about race, gender and culture for more than a decade. Beginning her career in the Black feminist blogosphere, Jamila has written and edited for many major publications and has become known for her sharp cultural commentary and advocacy for Black women and girls. In our conversation, Jamila joins us to discuss her new book, Black Single Mother, where she explores the realities of single motherhood through her own story as well as the stories of other Black women. We talk about the stigma attached to single mothers, the importance of community and co parenting, how media narratives shape perceptions

[Lingokids Advertiser]

of Black families, and what it means

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

to redefine family structures outside of traditional expectations. If something resonates with you while enjoying our conversation, please share with us on social media using the hashtag tbginsession or join us over on our Patreon to

[Dr. Jake Goodman]

talk more about the episode.

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

You can join us at community.therapy for black girls.com here's our conversation.

Hey Jamila, thank you so much for joining us.

[Jamilah Lemieux]

Hi. Thank you for having me.

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

I'm very excited to chat with you. I'm a longtime fan of your writing, so I'm very excited to talk with you more about your work and about the upcoming book.

[Jamilah Lemieux]

Thank you. I'm a longtime fan of yours too.

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

So for people who may not be super familiar, can you talk to us in your own words about what your work is and what you write about?

[Jamilah Lemieux]

Yeah, I'm a writer primarily in the service of Black women and girls. My professional writing career started around 2008 and I was an early member of the Black feminist blogosphere that really shifted all on an offline discourse about gender and identity. And I worked as an editor for some years. I've edited many of your favorite writers and I am releasing my first book, Black Single Mother.

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

Yeah, you have written probably lots of pieces that people are familiar with, maybe in theme, but don't necessarily know that it was your writing. And because your work has covered such a vast majority like a variety of topics, I'm curious to know, how did the topic for the book become the thing you were going to write your first book about?

[Jamilah Lemieux]

Well, it's interesting. I worked with the literary agent Tanya McKinnon for at least five years before we settled down on a topic for this book. I had rejected suggestions that I should write about Black single motherhood because I was afraid that if I put my name behind it in that way. And I had written about being a single mom in essays and talked about it openly on social media. But something about publishing a book on the subject to me felt like that's going to mean that I'm a black single mother forever and ever, when that's not what I've wanted for myself. I've wanted to be married. I've wanted to have an Additional child. And so finally, Tanya convinced me that this was a book that needed to exist and that I had a story that needed to be told. And I'm very happy that I decided to embark upon that journey.

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

You talk in the book about, like, the urgency that you felt when you had your baby to be partnered, right? To erase this scarlet letter. Can you talk a little bit about that urgency? And as women, we often will kind of give ourselves to the validation of what other people think we should have as opposed to what we actually want for ourselves.

[Jamilah Lemieux]

Yes. No, I felt that, like, okay, I'm a single mom, she's got a great dad, but I somehow have to fix this. I need to find a partner. I need to get married. I need to rectify my mistake. I believe that for a while. But I say this. At no point in my life, pre motherhood or afterwards, have I ever truly settled when it came to a committed relationship. So as much as I wanted to be married, I wasn't willing to just be with anyone or to accept somebody who wouldn't have been a great partner and a great stepdad and a great friend to me. So theoretically, I felt like I needed to hurry up and do this, but in reality, I took my time and looked for a suitable mate.

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

And what do you have to say about. I mean, the book really talks about this in depth, but what would you have to say about, like, just the ways that black single mothers are portrayed, especially in our community?

[Jamilah Lemieux]

I mean, there's just been this pervasive messaging in media from politicians, from preachers for a very long time, suggesting that black single mothers are somehow responsible for the challenges in the black community. Responsible, responsible for the marriage rate, that we are the architects of our challenges, and it's just simply not true. Outcomes for the children of single parents are largely tied to economics. So where people are economically challenged, their children are going to face certain challenges. But that stands whether those parents are married or not. Black single mothers at every class level have played a very important role in the community, have sustained. The children of the community, are oftentimes tasked with caring for elders and other relatives in the community. And I think we should be celebrated for the heroines that we are, as opposed to castigated for somehow harming our people.

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

How do you feel like becoming a mom has changed the way that you work? And like the ways that you critique

[Lingokids Advertiser]

the things that you critique?

[Jamilah Lemieux]

I will say, at this stage of motherhood, having a 13 year old versus the early stages of my motherhood, I think it's made Me more empathetic. I think it's made me more patient, and it's made me want to be really precise with my words. I don't want to hurt people. I don't want to upset them unnecessarily. I want to regard people with kindness and understanding to the extent to which they deserve it.

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

Yeah, I follow your social media rants often because I'm also a mother in the trenches of middle school parenting, and that is often what it feels like. How do you feel like you have changed? And what have you learned about yourself as your little one has grown?

[Jamilah Lemieux]

I'm even more aware of my own humanity and fallibility. I am literally just a girl trying to figure it out. I may be very influential and important in this person's life, but I'm a person, too. So sometimes I fall short. Sometimes I say the wrong thing. I apologize to my child. I try to hold myself accountable, let her see me holding myself accountable. I think many of us as children think that somehow our parents have all the answers. And now I'm very clear that my parents, just like myself and you, we're making it up as we go along,

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

just trying to do the very best that we can. So we've already talked about your long and storied career, and because of some of the things that you write about, I think, well, I know it has made you the target for lots of backlash, lots of hate speech and attacks and cyber target. How have you maintained your mental health and protected your mental health in the face of this?

[Jamilah Lemieux]

I mean, there are definitely times where it took a toll on me. I'm not as active on social media as I once was. I did take some time away to kind of not engage with that level of vitriol and abuse for a while. But I'll say to, like, throughout it all, I've always been convinced that I'm correct. I think I know what I'm talking about. I think I'm right. So I feel you can attack me if you want to, but nobody's ever challenged any of my opinions. Nobody's ever said anything in an attack sort of way that made me think differently about anything. So they haven't succeeded.

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

And much of your work really comes from a lens of kind of examining pop culture and, like, the media that we consume and how that provides larger messages. Why do you think the lens of pop culture is often so focused only on the struggles of black mothers as opposed to the joys and the triumphs of black single mothers?

[Jamilah Lemieux]

I think there are a lot of decision makers in media, black, white and otherwise, who are coming from a place of bias and ignorance when it comes to the multifaceted lives of black women, Black women more specifically, and particularly black single mothers. From what I've come across, there's a lot of people that are making TV shows in Hollywood that grew up upper middle class. They're coming from two parent households and perceive that that is the only way that a black family can be effective or successful. And so they're doing what they know. They're reflecting what they know. But unfortunately what they know does not reflect the community at which we live.

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

And going back a little bit to the things that you have shared online, has there been a cost to you of sharing the messier parts? Right. Like you are very honest about parenting online. Has there been a cost to sharing those things?

[Jamilah Lemieux]

I don't know. I mean, like if there are opportunities or things that I've missed out on because of my honesty, I was never aware of it. I've wondered, has there ever been a man I dated who decided he didn't want to deal with me? Or somebody I might have had a crush on who was turned off by that? I think that's possible, but it's never been presented to me directly.

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

More from our conversation after the break.

[Lingokids Advertiser]

You know that moment when your kid

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

asks for your phone and you're already

[Lingokids Advertiser]

bracing yourself for whatever random video they'll disappear into? Have you heard of Lingokids?

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

It's an app where kids are actually

[Lingokids Advertiser]

playing, singing, tapping and exploring stories. It's colorful, high energy, and designed so kids stay curious instead of just zoning out. They think they're getting a treat and it was built just for them. Lingokids Everything kids Love Download the LingoKids app now on your phone or tablet. It's free.

[Dr. Jake Goodman]

I'm Dr. Joy from the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast. Ever been at the pharmacy counter and the pharmacist asks, do you have any questions? And suddenly your mind goes blank? That's exactly why you need to listen to beyond the Script from CVS Pharmacy and iHeartMedia. Hosted by Dr. Jake Goodman, a board certified psychiatrist and health educator, this show takes you behind the counter to answer the questions you wished you'd asked, like which medications might not mix well, what vaccines you should consider before a big trip, and even those questions you were too embarrassed to say out loud. Each episode busts myths, decodes health trends, and gives you real, trustworthy advice from the experts you see most your neighborhood CVS pharmacists. No white coats, no lectures Just real talk, real answers, and maybe a few laughs. Listen to beyond the script on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

In a letter to your own mom, you asked, how could little old me be the center of anyone's universe? How has your perspective shifted since Naima is in the world? And how have you balanced, like, being the center of her universe while also wanting to be the center of yours?

[Jamilah Lemieux]

You know, I have so much admiration and gratitude for how my mother raised me. But I have chosen to operate differently in terms of just having a fuller life outside of motherhood, having a career that I'm passionate about, dating, socializing. I recognize that my mother and I became mothers at very different stages of life under very different circumstances. Like, I want Naima to see me as a possibility model. I want her to know that, oh, God, there's a. I don't want to misquote this person, so I won't say it, but I just want her to know that motherhood is not the end of anything, that it can be the beginning of so many things, so many experiences. And I've just done my best. Many times I've fallen short, but for the most part, I think I've done a pretty good job of making sure that she's the heart and center of everything, but everything is more expansive than just the relationship I have with her.

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

And how do you feel like that is going?

[Jamilah Lemieux]

I think it's going well. There have been times where she said, I wish I could just have both my parents at the same time. And it's not that we don't do things together, but we don't do everything together. Right. You know, times where she's wanted to be at one household, but it was her day at another. So it's not always easy. But I think overwhelmingly, I and her father have done a really good job of giving her the best of each of us.

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

So there's a section of your book called the Multiverse where you have brought in the stories of lots of different single Black moms. Why was that important for you to do?

[Jamilah Lemieux]

Because, you know, it's funny, because the book I wrote was not the book I had originally envisioned. Chapters that had particular things that they related to the lives of black women and that I would talk to a lot of experts. But when it came time to sit down and write, I realized the primary experts on Black single motherhood and their experiences are going to be black single moms. And some of these women are women I probably would have talked to Anyway, right. Like Yabba Blay or Tarana Burke or Tanya Fields. But some of them are women who I've known or grew up with or just in my community who had interesting single motherhood stories. And I feel that as a single mother and as a child of a single mother, I am privileged in a number of ways. I had an active dad. My daughter has a much more active dad than I did. Active is a spectrum when it comes to dads. Active is certainly on a spectrum. But I had a very present father and my daughter has a very active dad. And that's not always the case. That's something I was keenly aware of as a kid. I had so many friends who just didn't have fathers. And so because my daughter has a great dad, I have help, I have support. I'm not doing it every day by myself. And I've also worked in media. I'm light complexioned and college trained and I've been on tv. Like I'm, in certain ways, I've just had certain privileges that other black single mothers have not. And so I didn't feel that one woman's story or even just my story and my mother's story were sufficient for me to effectively talk about what it means to be a single black mother. I needed to talk to other women who are having different experiences and overlapping experiences.

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

And what do you feel like you learned from having all of those other stories included?

[Jamilah Lemieux]

Just it confirmed that, like, what we all have in common is this deep, abiding love for our children. Just this willingness to do whatever it takes, whatever they need to keep them happy and fed and loved.

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

You talk publicly about the move that you made from New York to Los Angeles and how you were making that decision with being a mom in mind.

Right.

There are also, I think, many other of our listeners who are considering like, oh, do I make a move? And now I'm considering my child's life. What suggestions or advice might you have for somebody who's considering a similar movement?

[Jamilah Lemieux]

Do not move to a place where you do not have a village unless there is some life altering, fabulous opportunity that is guaranteed. Right. Like, I was fortunate I came here. I had a cousin who has since passed away who was here. I have my daughter's father and stepmother. And that was basically it. I did not have many friends here. I had some acquaintances here. The job that I was supposed to come here and disappeared as soon as I got here. So if I had it to do over again, the only reason I would still do it is because of Where I am now six and a half years later. But six and a half years is a long time to struggle and to be figuring things out and trying to make friends. And the dating scene here sucks. So take into consideration who's going to be around you. I was lucky that my daughter's father was also here. This was a joint relocation. I would have never moved if I didn't have my co parent here. And even again, it's just like I didn't have friends, I didn't have people who cared about me. I didn't have OGs. I didn't have anything. So if you got a couple friends in Atlanta and you're thinking about going from D.C. to Atlanta, cool. If you don't know nobody in Atlanta, just know that in most places it is hard as an adult to start over and meet new people. Just really think about what you need in your life to feel happy and successful somewhere. And dating, if that's something that matters to you, and I know it doesn't matter to all single moms, but if it is something that is a priority to you, take some time to find out what dating looks like in the place that you're going to.

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

That's something that you've been sharing more about, like your dating adventures. What would you say about dating as a single mom and things you might suggest us share with other people?

[Jamilah Lemieux]

It's been an interesting journey. I will say again, I think it's been easier for me because I have a great co parent but like I was a soldier of love. I put a lot of time and effort and energy into meeting somebody. And if that's something you want to do, I think understand how much space in your life do you have to give to it? How much does it matter to you? It will be more challenging than dating as a person without a child, but not impossible. You very well may find what you

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

want and what kinds of considerations have you made in terms of like when people met Naima.

[Jamilah Lemieux]

Only two people have met Naima, so they would have to be my boyfriend. We would have to be in a committed relationship where we're talking about the future and the potential of expanding my family. It wouldn't just be somebody who's like, he's cool. Dated a guy for like seven months. He never met Naima. It would have never been appropriate for him to meet Naima, the guy she has met. I wasn't with them for seven months when they met her. It hadn't been that long, but I knew this is somebody who's going to be in my life. And the first person I introduced her to, he was long distance. So it wasn't necessarily the like, okay, because you've met him, you're going to see him all the time. But he had a big role in my life, and I cultivated a relationship between them.

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

So you mentioned in terms of the move, you should not move anywhere where you do not have a village. And I think that there are also people who are thinking about, like, okay, I want to build my family. Like, there are all kinds of technology and advances in medicine that allow people to build a. Even if you do not have a traditional partnership, what suggestions do you have for people about how to start building their village and, like, cultivating a community that will help to care for you and your child.

[Jamilah Lemieux]

You know, talk to people. One of the moms that I interview in the book, Ayanna Bird, had a child on her own as a single parent from birth and moved to another country. And she's happy and they're thriving. So everyone is different. But I think be honest about what do you need? Can you do this in isolation? Will you be okay? Some moms, I think my mom is one of them. Largely it was just me and her, and I think that was amazing for her. But if you need something else, if you need somebody to come hold that baby a few hours a week, then you should think about bringing a child into the world under the circumstances in which you can comfortably raise them.

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

And in your work, you've talked a lot about, like, shifting from a Eurocentric construction of family back to one that is more based in the African matriarchy, or what does that look like in, like, the practical day to day sense?

[Jamilah Lemieux]

Remember that, like, matriarchy doesn't censor mothers, it centers children. You know what I mean? So it's about, like, creating the systems and communities that we need to ensure that everyone has what they need right? Not just children, not just women, but everyone. But, like, being intentional, like, being a girl's girl, supporting other women, showing up for mothers before you become one, showing up for your girlfriends, not thinking that because you're in a relationship now, you don't need to go see your girls, go pick your single girl up from the airport at midnight because somebody needs to do that. I think this shift toward matriarchy that we're seeing the very least on social media and people talking about, like, what that means is essential to the survival of black people, because this is where we come from, women led doesn't mean that there's no role for men, right? And that men are not leaders and important and essential to what we're doing. But I think we do need to return to this foundation that we have of women being loved and supported and trusted as leaders and in many ways the moral compass of our people.

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

Why do you think there has been so much hesitance and resistance to that kind of frame?

[Jamilah Lemieux]

Is white supremacists patriarchy? We've been indoctrinated. We've been told that the only way to be a family is with the man in the front and the woman in the back. We're emulating our oppressor and what we've seen him do. So we're not necessarily thinking first about loving, healthy relationships. We're thinking about a man on top, woman underneath him. And that simply just doesn't reflect who we are as a people and what our experiences have been. And when I think of the families that I know that have been most successful regardless of their income level, that's just never been what it's looks like for them.

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

More from our conversation after the break.

[Lingokids Advertiser]

You know that moment when your kid

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

asks for your phone and you're already

[Lingokids Advertiser]

bracing yourself for whatever random video they'll disappear into? Have you heard of Lingokids?

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

It's an app where kids are actually

[Lingokids Advertiser]

playing, singing, tapping and exploring stories. It's colorful, high energy, and designed so kids stay curious instead of just zoning out. They think they're getting a treat and it was built just for them. Lingokids. Everything kids Love Download the LingoKids app now on your phone or tablet. It's free.

[Dr. Jake Goodman]

I'm Dr. Joy from the Therapy for Black Girls podcast. Ever been at the pharmacy counter and the pharmacist asks do you have any questions? And suddenly your mind goes blank? That's exactly why you need to listen to beyond the Script from CVS Pharmacy and iHeartMedia. Hosted by Dr. Jake Goodman, a board certified psychiatrist and health educator, this show takes you behind the counter to answer the questions you wish you'd asked. Like which medications might not mix well, what vaccines you should consider before a big trip, and even those questions you were too embarrassed to say out loud. Each episode busts myths, decodes health trends, and gives you real, trustworthy advice from the experts you see most your neighborhood CVS pharmacists. No white coats, no lectures. Just real talk, real answers and maybe a few laughs. Listen to beyond the script on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

And what are your hopes for how people will engage with Your book, what do you hope that people will take away from it?

[Jamilah Lemieux]

I want people to reconsider their thoughts and actions as it relates to black single moms most urgently. How are you showing up for the black single moms in your life? How are you supporting them and questioning what are those attitudes that you have about them? What are your biases? That that's what I want most. I want people to tip their hat. And this does happen sometimes. I'm not going to say it never happens because I think of young men gets drafted to the NBA or the NFL and it's like my single mom got me here and we support that. But oftentimes, unless we're hearing one of those stories of somebody succeeding fabulously, when we hear about single moms, we have this distaste, we have this negative reaction. We don't feel compelled to serve them. And I think that's the problem.

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

We talk a lot and hear a lot about like breaking generational cycles, breaking generational curses. What do you feel like that actually looks like day to day?

[Jamilah Lemieux]

I think it's recognizing what went right and what went wrong in your lineage and your own experiences and your parents experiences and making choices to adjust according. I'm a second generation single mother. I don't think that's a curse, you know, I don't think that me not being married to my daughter's father has cursed my child. And I want for my child to become a mother under the circumstances she most desires. That's what I want for her. But if it doesn't happen that way, I want her to be successful and be supported.

[Lingokids Advertiser]

Either way, if there was something that

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

you could go back to your 18

year old self and tell her about

the milfy baby mama that you would become in the future, what would you say to her?

[Jamilah Lemieux]

I would just say, watch out girl. Like you have no idea. 18 year old me could not have seen this version of me coming at all. I don't know if there's anything I could have said to her that would have prepared her. But I think I might have said what the incredible Bevy Smith says often, which is it gets greater later when

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

you hear the phrase black single mother. What do you think people assume and what do they miss?

[Jamilah Lemieux]

I think they assume irresponsible, I think they assume struggle. And I think that what they miss is nuance. There are so many ways in which a woman can become a single mother, right? She can choose it, she can break up with a partner, she can become widowed, her man can become incarcerated. We all Got here in so many different ways. And it's interesting because there's this idea that being married will protect you somehow, right? And it's like, I see how people talk about divorced single moms online, too. There's not much more respect for them than there is for women who have been single moms since birth, right. Or who were never married to the children's fathers. So I think it's important that those of us who are single moms stop looking for any sort of external validation of our motherhood and just pay attention to the examples around us. And if we're being honest about history, single mothers have been performing, have been raising happy, healthy children, have achieved great things and deserve to be treated with the same amount of respect as anyone else.

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

What kinds of things and supports have really helped you to get more comfortable in, like, validating your own experience as

[Jamilah Lemieux]

a mom, talking to other black women? The fact that I've had a platform throughout my motherhood, I've been able to communicate on social media. I've been able to fire off random thoughts about single motherhood and be affirmed and know that other people were connecting to these experiences, too. I haven't had to do this in isolation.

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

What part of your experience as a single mother do you feel like people are least prepared to hear?

[Jamilah Lemieux]

People are probably least prepared to hear me take accountability for the downfall of my relationship with my daughter's father. Like, I own the fact that I'm the one who messed up, you know? And ultimately, I think we were incompatible. I think we were very young, not all about shame and blame for me. But if there's shame of blame, the majority of it goes on me, and that's okay. I don't have a problem saying that there are single mothers who end up single mothers because they weren't great girlfriends or wives. And that's okay, right? Because we know of many people who are single fathers or, you know, who have created single mothers because they were bad partners, bad boyfriends, bad husbands. But I don't think that we, one, create space for women who have also messed up in relationships and own that. But two, like, even when men have been the villains in those situations, we don't look at them as if they've somehow done something wrong. But any single moment short of a widow is essentially seen as somehow being the architect and being wrong and having failed some ways. So I will take responsibility for what I did do wrong in that relationship. But at the same time, I am not a failure because I may have failed my boyfriend.

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

What do you think it will take to have a shift in the ways that people think about single moms and making the mom the villain as opposed to the father?

[Jamilah Lemieux]

I think it's going to take an increased visibility in popular culture of single mothers, and I think that white women are going to be essential to this. More and more of them across the world are choosing single motherhood. They're choosing not to be married. And that is going to lead to increased reporting, increased study, hopefully increased resources, but certainly increased attention. And I think that black women have to remind people that we've been doing this work for a long time. We're the blueprint for single motherhood. But we're gonna also have to be unashamed and be proud. I think it's really interesting. I can name a lot of writers who are or were black single mothers, but none of them published a book about black single motherhood.

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

And do you feel like that's connected to your own pushback against writing about it initially?

[Jamilah Lemieux]

Absolutely. I think plenty of them were dealing with the same shame, the same. Even if they didn't feel personally ashamed or guilty that they didn't want to be associated with the stereotypes, they didn't want to deal with the backlash. They didn't want to hear from the podcast bros.

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

Oh, gosh. Do you feel like there is a difference in the ways that we talk about in, like, the perceptions of moms who are single moms because of, like, a relationship not working versus people who become single moms because of something like ivf?

[Jamilah Lemieux]

Absolutely. I rarely. I'm not a woman who's done IVF or ivi, so I can't speak for their experiences, but I don't hear them being criticized in the same way that women who were in a relationship they failed are being criticized, which is interesting, because if single motherhood is inherently wrong, wouldn't choosing it without a father being present at all be just as bad? And like, yes, there have been people on the religious right who've criticized it, and maybe that's the level of intention that goes into in vitro fertilization or ivi that, like, people respect that differently than they do somebody who ends up a single mother unintentionally. But I do think that as more women choose ivf, I'm curious to see, will there be more scrutiny on with this whole male loneliness epidemic and men are not getting partnered. I wouldn't be surprised if some of the backlash that we've experienced does get translated or get assigned to women who chosen single motherhood from birth.

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

You mentioned the podcast rose and we both smirked because it feels like they're just wreaking havoc in so many different ways. Why do you feel like black single mothers have become such a topic and a target for a lot of them? In a lot of the conversations they

[Jamilah Lemieux]

have, we're easy to punch down on. There's already this distaste for us, and I trace the roots of that back to the Moynam Report in the book and talk about, like, this history of blaming black single mothers for the state of the community. But when I think of not just the black podcast bros, but the white ones, single mothers are often a punching bag because it's a group of people that folks, no matter what their politics, oftentimes feel comfortable attacking. It's a woman who is defined by her relationship to a man who's existing in the absence, presumably, of a man. Right. She's unclaimed, she's unchosen. So whether she's divorced, whether her and her boyfriend broke up somehow, she. She's doing something that you're supposed to do in the context of a marriage, and she doesn't belong to anyone, allegedly. Right. So we're just easy to target. And for so long, so few people have been willing to defend us.

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

How are you feeling as it gets closer to the book's release? I mean, you're somebody who's written so much, but I think that there's something that's very special about like having your first book be out in the world. How are you feeling leading up to the release?

[Jamilah Lemieux]

I'm excited. I'm nervous. I'm scared about my parents reading it. I'm going through all the emotions.

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

What are you worried about in terms of your parents reading it?

[Jamilah Lemieux]

I tell the story of their relationship and I think that I was very generous and I don't print all the sort of details, but I am honest about some things that happen in our family that are uncomfortable.

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

And so what are you expecting in terms of their reaction?

[Jamilah Lemieux]

Either embrace or estrangement? We'll see. We'll see.

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

Let's hope not. Let's hope not. Estrangement. So let us know where we can stay connected with you. Jamila, what is your website? Where can we grab our copy of the book and how do we stay connected?

[Jamilah Lemieux]

So My website is jameelalamieux.com There are more updates to come, but the basic stuff is there. Now I am active on Instagram and threads Amelamieu and my book Black Single Mother is available where books are sold. You can get it from all the major retailers. You can also get it from a number of indie booksellers including the Reparations Club in la, Cafe Con Libros in Brooklyn, Call and Response in Chicago, and Kinder Spirits in Houston. And many of these places also have it available for sale online so you can order it. If you order it from Reparations Club, they will ship you a signed copy

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

and you'll also be on tour. So if people want to come and see you talk about the book, they can also look up on your website to find tickets, right?

[Jamilah Lemieux]

Yes. Right now the tour information is on my Instagram and Threads pages. I will eventually update my website, but I've got a number of dates. I'm doing LA, Philly, New York, Miami, Atlanta, Houston, and we're working on D.C. and Chicago. Perfect.

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

Well, we will be sure to include all of that in the show notes for your episode. Thank you so much for spending some time with us today.

[Jamilah Lemieux]

Thank you.

[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

I'm so glad Jamila was able to join me for today's conversation to learn more about her and her work or to grab a copy of her book. Be sure to visit the show notes at therapy for black girls.com session 454. And don't forget to text this episode to two of your girls right now and tell them to check it out. Did you know that you could leave us a voicemail with your questions or suggestions for the podcast? If there's a movie or book you'd like us to review or have thoughts about topics you'd like to hear discussed, drop us a message at Memo FM Therapy for Black Girls and let us know what's on your mind. We just might feature it on the podcast. If you're looking for a therapist in your area, visit our therapist [e-mail] directory don't forget to follow us on Instagram at Therapy for Black Girls and come on over and join us in our Patreon for exclusive updates, behind the scenes content and much more. We can't wait to see you inside. You can join us at community.therapy for black girls.com this episode was produced by Elise Ellis, Inde Chubu and Tyree Rush. Editing was done by Dennison Bradford. Thank y' all so much for joining me again this week. I look forward to continuing this conversation with you all real soon. Take good care.

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[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

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[Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford]

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[Jamilah Lemieux]

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.