Therapy for Black Girls – Session 457: “Exploring Sober Curiosity”

Host: Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, Ph.D.
Guest: Kristin Feimster (Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, Certified Personal Trainer)
Date: April 1, 2026

Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Joy Harden Bradford explores the concept of “sober curiosity” with returning guest Kristin Feimster. Together, they break down what it means to reevaluate your relationship with alcohol, debunk common myths, discuss how cultural and social pressures contribute to drinking habits, and offer practical tools for those interested in mindful drinking or taking a break from alcohol. The conversation blends clinical advice, lived experience, and cultural critique, all in a warm, practical, and affirming tone.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Defining “Sober Curiosity” & Personal Journeys

• Sober curiosity is described as a movement of people reevaluating their relationship with alcohol, not always due to problematic use, but to question its role in their lives and experiment with reduced intake or abstention.
  • “People who are basically reevaluating their relationship with alcohol... taking the steps to reduce their intake or to abstain for a period of time just to understand more about how it shows up for them.”
    — Kristin Feimster, 06:01
• Kristin shares her 11 years of sobriety, explaining early signs that prompted her to question drinking:
  • “Coming to terms with, is this still fun?... Am I just keeping it to social settings or do I find that I’m drinking more in isolation?... Am I able to function for my next day?”
    — Kristin, 07:11

Societal Shifts & “Gray Area” Drinking

• The episode highlights a cultural evolution: alcohol is now recognized as potentially harmful, with a growing wellness trend encouraging reevaluation—not unlike shifting attitudes toward cigarettes.
  • “We are also experiencing an uptick in people being aware of their mental health, people pursuing fitness in a balanced way, people pursuing longevity in their health... alcohol being so prominent, it makes perfect sense that it would be the first thing that we would start to look at.”
    — Kristin, 09:02
• The “gray area” is discussed—people who drink at socially acceptable levels but still experience negative impacts. Pop culture (e.g., “Olivia Pope and her classic red wine,” 15:45) helps normalize routine drinking.

Early Warning Signs and Misconceptions

• Physical signs: sleep disturbances, dehydration effects (headaches, mental fog, etc.), and the misconception that alcohol aids healthy sleep.
  • “Sometimes people think alcohol is helping them sleep… but it does depress your central nervous system, but that's only temporary. That's not a REM sleep, a healthy sleep state.”
    — Kristin, 11:08
• Debunking the notion that one must hit “rock bottom” before reassessing drinking:
  • “That is a common misconception... it really leaves out a whole pool of people who are also consuming alcohol at varying levels, but they just haven’t hit that typical, stereotypical... lifestyle to really recognize it.”
    — Kristin, 13:23

Social Pressures, Marketing, and Emotional Triggers

• Alcohol is marketed aggressively as a staple of socializing and stress relief, which conditions people to see it as an everyday part of life.
• The pandemic and associated stressors led to increased drinking, with “mommy wine culture” as a particular example of normalized coping.
  • “Anytime you're associating drinking with those emotional challenges, I think that it's a slippery slope for future issues.”
    — Kristin, 21:53

Practical Approaches to Sober Curiosity

• Step 1: Track your drinking.
  • “Go ahead and get the data and track your drinking for a month ... and then from there you can decide, does this seem, objectively speaking, does this seem normal?”
    — Kristin, 22:17
• Step 2: Note emotional triggers.
  • Keep a mood log alongside your drinks: “Are these celebratory moments? Are these isolated moments by myself where I'm dealing with a mental health challenge?”
• Step 3: Experiment with sobriety.
  • “Maybe just commit to something small, like just commit to the week. You don't have to commit to the rest of your life.”
    — Kristin, 51:15
• Step 4: Monitor substitute behaviors.
  • Not all “alcohol-free” drinks are created equal; some contain trace alcohol. Emotional dependence can also shift to other behaviors (sugar, shopping, scrolling, etc.).
  • “We can be addicted to anything. So it's not about the substance itself all the time. It's about our relationship and our engagement with it.”
    — Kristin, 24:33

Harm Reduction vs. Sobriety

• Harm reduction (reducing rather than eliminating drinking) can be a practical tool, but may not suit everyone.
  • “If you find that you're bartering that number... I think that's another sign that your relationship with alcohol needs more attention.”
    — Kristin, 40:12
• Struggling to enjoy or stick to sober curiosity may indicate need for deeper support or clinical intervention.

Therapy & Support Systems

• Therapists can gently introduce alcohol topics through motivational interviewing and pattern-spotting, without judgment.
• Sitting with emotions: Naming feelings, practicing non-substance coping skills (breathing, journaling, social support), and allowing space for emotional release.
  • “What I typically start with is trying to help my clients to name how they're feeling. A lot of times we'll have, like, a physical sensation... but we're not quite able to get it language.”
    — Kristin, 35:40
• Being a supportive friend: Hold space, avoid judgment, create get-togethers not centered on alcohol, and celebrate milestones.
  • “The best thing you could do is embody that with your response... become curious yourself... support them in creating opportunities... celebrate them.”
    — Kristin, 44:45

Language for Setting Boundaries (Social Settings)

• Practical, non-defensive responses help:
  • “‘I'm not drinking tonight, really’ is all you have to say.”
    — Kristin, 48:52
  • “You’re informing them of a decision. You're not asking for their permission.”
    — Kristin, 48:52

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On normalized alcohol culture:
  • “Sometimes I don’t even think we’re actually choosing to participate into the lifestyle. I think in a lot of ways, [we] have gotten conditioned by way of commercial here, an event there.” — Kristin, 16:03
• On early sobriety:
  • “I got sober at 26, which was unheard of at the time... I just decided this is probably the best chance I’m going to have to address this and to live a full, vibrant life is right now.” — Kristin, 13:23
• On substitutions:
  • “To replace alcohol with another type of substance that’s mood altering could potentially be getting in the way of your original intent.”
    — Kristin, 28:34
• Advice to her younger self:
  • "I was trying to fill in the gaps of insecurity and feeling inadequate... But if I could just somehow get to her and say the personality that you have... is your strength and don’t dim it.”
    — Kristin, 52:48

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Introduction & Sober Curiosity Defined: 04:03–06:29
• Kristin’s Personal Sobriety Journey: 06:29–08:28
• Societal Shifts, “Gray Area” Drinking: 08:28–13:23
• Misconceptions & Pop Culture Influence: 13:23–17:35
• Pandemic Stress & Increased Drinking: 19:47–21:53
• Starting Points for Sober Curiosity: 22:17–24:33
• Mocktails & Harm Reduction: 24:33–32:23, 37:47–42:31
• Therapist & Client Conversations on Alcohol: 32:23–37:47
• Skills for Emotional Coping: 35:18–37:47
• Being a Supportive Friend: 44:24–46:56
• Setting Boundaries in Social Situations: 48:27–50:52
• Actionable First Steps for Listeners: 51:02–52:35
• Advice for Younger Self: 52:35–53:53

Takeaways & Action Steps

• Start with curiosity: Track your alcohol use and emotional context for a week.
• Name your feelings: Emotional literacy is key to managing triggers without substances.
• Redefine social norms: Advocate for or create alcohol-optional gatherings.
• Set clear boundaries: Practice simple, confident responses when declining drinks.
• Give yourself grace: Growth is gradual—judgment-free data and reflection are encouraged.

For More:

• Connect with Kristin at b3bykristen.com
• Find therapy resources at therapyforblackgirls.com
• Join the conversation on social media @therapyforblackgirls
• Look into the B3 Crew wellness community for additional support

This rich, affirming, and practical conversation encourages listeners—whether sober, sober-curious, or simply reflective—to take an honest look at alcohol and wellbeing, and to do so with compassion for themselves and others.