← TheUPside Podcast
TheUPside Podcast
Can You Build a Big Business and a Big Life? An Interview with Seychelle VanPoole
00:29:13
Loading summary
Transcript203 lines
- [00:01]
A
Ever wonder if you can build a big business and a big life? That is what we are talking about today on the Upside Podcast. I'm your host, Teresa Flood, where we help you get unstuck in life and business by elevating your thinking and provoking meaningful change from the inside out. Always. And today I have special guest Seychelle Van Pool in the house with me. I'm so very excited about this, and we worked really hard to get this scheduled and get our calendars aligned. But if you don't know Seychelle, you're going to love her by the end of this episode. So let's. Let me just tell you a little bit about her. So Sel is the owner of Vanpool Properties Group with Keller Williams. So she's at the Dallas Weston red Market Center.
- [00:40]
B
You 22 years.
- [00:41]
A
22 years. Your team has sold over a billion dollars in real estate. Thousands and thousands of homes, helped thousands and thousands of buyers and sellers.
- [00:49]
B
Yeah.
- [00:50]
A
Incredibly impressive. You are also a podcast host. Co host of Empower Building Podcast, one of my favorite podcast.
- [00:57]
B
It's a lot of fun.
- [00:58]
A
And you guys have over a million downloads.
- [01:00]
B
Yes, we're.
- [01:01]
A
Which is very impressive.
- [01:03]
B
Thank you. It's. It was on the way to do it.
- [01:05]
A
Yeah.
- [01:06]
B
You just keep doing it.
- [01:07]
A
And you guys are on how many episodes?
- [01:08]
B
We're over 300 now. It.
- [01:10]
A
It's an unbelievable podcast. It's great for you. If you're in real estate, it's great for women in business. It's really not real estate specific. And it's so good. I would tell anyone to go listen to that. You are co founder of Her Best Life, which is a national company to help women in business. Yes. Really live big lives.
- [01:28]
B
Yeah.
- [01:28]
A
You're multiple business owner. You're a wife to Nick. You're a mom to Quinn. You have a dog named Tari. How'd you get the name Tari?
- [01:36]
B
His breeder gave it to him and loved it.
- [01:38]
A
Yeah.
- [01:38]
B
Tari is his name, but Tari is.
- [01:40]
A
What we call him.
- [01:40]
B
And he's so cute, so sassy. He's great. He's like my spirit animal. He's like, mostly sweet and then a little salty. It's kind of great.
- [01:47]
A
That is your spirit animal. I love that so much. Okay. So thank you for joining me today.
- [01:53]
B
I'm so happy to be here. Teresa, you're a dear friend of mine, but also an amazing leader in our. Our community and our business nationally. I mean, gosh, team leader, hall of fame. Pretty amazing. So I'm excited to be here today.
- [02:06]
A
Well, let's have a conversation and let's just start with this. Is it possible to build a big business and a big life?
- [02:14]
B
Only if you're willing to work for it. Okay, yes.
- [02:17]
A
Talk about that.
- [02:18]
B
Well, you know, I think you and I talked about before we got on, we hear people say that, right? Like, yeah, live and her best life. We teach this, right. You want to build a big business, but more importantly, you want to have an even bigger life. Because ultimately, what is the reason we're funding the business? What's the reason why we're funding our life? And so many of us get into business because there's a need. And the need is often immediate. It's tangible, and it's hard.
- [02:47]
A
Yeah.
- [02:47]
B
And we get in and we grind and we work and we dedicate hours and hours and hours to that. And you wake up one day, some people are really smart and wake up in one year. Some of us wake up at year 15, which would have been me. And you're tired. And you start asking yourself the question of, do I want to burn this down? Is this worth it? Can I continue doing it at this level, at this intensity, or do I have to look at this a different way? But I think every. I would venture to argue very, very few humans start out going, I'm going to build this big business in this big life. At the same time, I think you start with one or the other and you have to figure out how one of those fits into the other. If you're a new business person, you're figuring out how the life fits into your business. And I applaud the people that start out having the big life and have to figure out how the business fits into that. I think most of us don't.
- [03:42]
A
I would agree with that. And you said something really, I think, interesting is you said you hit that wall where you ask yourself the question, am I going to keep doing this or I'm going to burn this down? And I think sometimes we think those are the two options. Meaning, do I just keep. If I'm going to keep going in business, then this is just what I'm relegated to. This is going to be.
- [04:01]
B
I've resigned.
- [04:01]
A
I'm resigned.
- [04:02]
B
This is my fate, right Until I.
- [04:04]
A
Right until I sell or retire. And I even do that. Right.
- [04:07]
B
Well, and sometimes it's. Our whole business falls apart and we ask the question, do I want to do this again?
- [04:11]
A
Yes. Well. And in real estate, there's a lot of reinvention that's happened for a lot of different reasons. For People over the years. And it is. You have to muster that energy and go, am I willing to relearn? Am I willing to almost start over.
- [04:23]
B
Yeah.
- [04:24]
A
Talk a little bit about your story with that. Because you did have a pivotal.
- [04:27]
B
Yeah.
- [04:28]
A
Moment in your business where you really looked at it and said, I'm going to redef. I'm going to redefine and. And do this differently.
- [04:35]
B
Absolutely.
- [04:35]
A
Tell your story.
- [04:36]
B
We. We built a. A really amazing business. And I've been so fortunate to be in business with a lot of really incredible people over the years. And one of my proudest things is we tend to work with people for a long period of time. And I was under the illusion that that would just be a forever. And sometimes people are with you for life. Sometimes they're with you for a season, sometimes they're with you for a reason. You never know which one that's going to be, but it's usually going to be one of those three. Thankfully, we've had really long seasons and some we've had just lifers. And I became disillusioned to the fact that, like, this is going to be all of it. This is the way it's always going to go. And, you know, we. We had a series of incidents happen back to. Back to back with our team fell apart right before COVID Then we had Covid. Then we had a kindergartner that we had to homeschool. Then we had my parents house, just.
- [05:27]
A
One of the most challenging ages. My girls were second grade and they could at least turn on their little Zoom computer class. Oh, yeah. I can't even imagine Seychelles with kindergartners.
- [05:40]
B
Those teachers, you would hear, I mean, and they would want you on Zoom for how many hours a day with a kindergartner? And it's like, we've talked about society, like, not being on screens, and now we're like, here's eight hours. And then you're supposed to run a team. Then you move your team to virtual. We're rebuilding our team. My parents house floods, they move in with us. My dad has Parkinson's. Then he declines. Like, I mean, all.
- [05:59]
A
So it was going well.
- [06:00]
B
It's. It was so awesome.
- [06:02]
A
So great.
- [06:03]
B
This was so awesome. It was just like the hits kept coming. And when our team fell apart, we were running on about $120,000 a month of operating expenses. And then when you go from like nine or ten salespeople to like zero or one, like, that's a. You know, it's great to have this amazing, incredible operations team. But if you have no cash flow to fund it and then the world shuts down, that's a very. Yeah, it's a daunting situation. And so, you know, multiple times throughout that process, I found myself asking that question, do I want to rebuild this? Do I have the energy for it? Can I. Can we do all of these things? And with my dad's health declining, that took a 30% time chunk that we had to dedicate to that. Then they move in with you, and now you're really sheltered in place because he's immunocompromised, you know, so you have all these different components layering on top of each other. And I found myself asking, can I do this? Do I want to do this? Why would I do this? How can we do this? And I think the first step was this is the business I knew. So putting it back together and moving one step in front of the next made the most logical sense instead of burning it to the ground and reinventing completely. So that was what we chose, that was the first step is what do I. I say this all the time. Like, I'm really smart in what I know and I'm real stupid in what I don't. Right. And in the middle of the chaos, sometimes you need to double down on what you're really smart in.
- [07:37]
A
Yeah.
- [07:37]
B
And so that was a decision that Nick and I made with our family. He jumped into homeschooling. Quinn, my mom, was amazing in helping with that. And I jumped into doubling into the business and figuring that out. So that was the first step, is like, what am I really smart in right now that I can lean into when everything else around me is falling apart?
- [07:55]
A
Well. And usually what you're good at and what you're smart at also brings energy.
- [07:58]
B
It does.
- [07:59]
A
Right. And so when you're at a place where you're going, do I have the energy to build this? Tapping into the things that you're good at, smart at, that you had wins in the past is confidence.
- [08:08]
B
Yeah. Right. It's shortest path.
- [08:09]
A
Right.
- [08:09]
B
When I think about that, like, there's a lot of other things I would love to do. I would love to do mergers and acquisitions. Like, I would love to do, like, some strengths finders, consulting with Gallup and, like, help people tap into, like, what they're naturally born to do best. Like, we started her best life right before COVID with all these other things that I would love to do. But if I think about, like, what is going to make me the most money in the shortest amount of Time, whatever you know best. That's what I would encourage somebody to jump into first.
- [08:35]
A
Yes.
- [08:35]
B
And then from there, you start asking yourself the question of what time do I have allowed and capable to build this within? And my time went from 7am I would be out of the house to 7 or 8pm at night. I come home to now I have about like 9 to 3.
- [08:56]
A
That'd be real good.
- [09:00]
B
So how do you do that? How do you do that? I mean, I think there's a lot of good tactics with it, but I think it starts with, can I lean into my strengths? And then the second part is, what am I willing to give it? And you really have to set the definition for what are you willing to give it. Whether it's energy, whether it's time, whether it's money and a Runway. Like, what physically do I have to give to this? And then I think the second question to that is, who can help me?
- [09:31]
A
Yes.
- [09:32]
B
And that's like, that's your initial framework. And you got to spend a lot of white space around that, really mapping that part out where the tactics don't matter.
- [09:40]
A
Yeah.
- [09:41]
B
And so that was really, I think, the first big domino that we had. We had to really kind of narrow it down and say, okay, we got a lot of chaos in our life right now. And I've got nine to three where, like, if I don't beat, I don't go to the bathroom. If I don't, you know, like.
- [09:55]
A
You know what I mean? Yeah.
- [09:56]
B
Right. Not a, like, lollygag time. Like, like I am going to be like, locked in a room or locked in with clients for that period of time.
- [10:06]
A
So how do you shorten that process of. Of overwhelm and a place of maybe feeling burned out or feeling like, am I going to burn this to the ground? Am I going to go do something else? Am I. Am I. Do I have what it takes to continue it on? How do you shorten that time to where you say, I define that I'm gonna do this. I'm willing to pay a price right now to go back all in with my energy. How do you shorten that time? Because a lot of times you don't have a ton of time. You can't take a year to figure that out.
- [10:36]
B
No, no. I mean, we had, what, 90 days? Yeah, yeah, we had a 90 day cash Runway, so we had 90 days.
- [10:42]
A
To figure it out.
- [10:43]
B
I think where you can save yourself is making sure as a business person, you are putting cash reserves aside, period, end of story. If you don't have cash reserves, it's going to be much harder because you have no breathing room to take a hot second for reflection. You're just in, you don't have a.
- [10:57]
A
Choice, then at that point you have no choice.
- [10:59]
B
Right. So I think the question would be how much cash do you had?
- [11:01]
A
Yeah.
- [11:01]
B
Right. And that will define. And I'm not saying you're going to go burn through all your cash, but if you have a cash buffer, and I always encourage all of our salespeople, all of our businesses we have, every single business has a cash buffer. And that's because I just don't like to feel pinned against a wall. I want to make smart, strategic decisions, not manic, rash, chaotic decisions. So if you have a window, let's assume you have 30 day window of cash. Just at a minimum, if you have a 30 day window of cash to cover your personal expenses and your business expenses, take a week. And it's okay to wallow for a minute if your business falls apart. I mean, I had a couple of moments where I was like, I just need to have a real sad pity party here for myself. I'm real sad. This is very hard. Yeah.
- [11:47]
A
You have to grieve and I need.
- [11:48]
B
To grieve this process for a minute. I'm not gonna stay here.
- [11:51]
A
Right.
- [11:51]
B
But I realize that I need a moment where then I can release and say I had a hot second.
- [11:55]
A
Yeah.
- [11:56]
B
Take a day. Just like a whole mental health day if you have to. Take a week if you need it. But give yourself a time to kind of grieve and reflect and grow from that. Because there's always things we can do better. There's always things we can learn. There's always things that we can reflect on and say, that is where. That's where I missed the mark. That's where I could have turned left instead of right. So I think it's important to take that time to reflect and grieve that process and then get on with it. Yeah. Like then you gotta get on with it.
- [12:25]
A
You gotta pull yourself up by the.
- [12:27]
B
Straps and you gotta go. Yeah, you gotta go. But I think in that process, you're already like when you fall, if you think about a track star, Right. They're running and they fall, they're still 4 to 5ft ahead of where they were before they tripped.
- [12:43]
A
Yeah.
- [12:44]
B
And so even if you're getting up from falling and you're standing back up, you're still ahead of where you were before you took the trip. Right. And so you just have to remember like, you have all this wisdom, all of this knowledge, all of this experience behind you that you can lean into and trust to know, I can do this better and different. It doesn't have to look the same. Now, what is that gonna look like?
- [13:06]
A
Yeah, well, I think ego so often is such a detriment to us, and we don't realize we have the ego.
- [13:14]
B
It's so humbling.
- [13:15]
A
It's so humbling. What a gift, you know, especially when other people. When it's. When it's apparent or visible.
- [13:22]
B
Right.
- [13:23]
A
And so. But it really is a gift because when you can get past it to the other side, like you said, and you have less ego and you have.
- [13:31]
B
More humility, it's more fun.
- [13:33]
A
It's more fun.
- [13:34]
B
It's more fun.
- [13:34]
A
You have. You have a thought about other people's opinions. I know that I do.
- [13:39]
B
I truly believe opinions are like buttholes, because everyone has one.
- [13:45]
A
Everyone does.
- [13:46]
B
Everyone has one. So when someone gives you their opinion, just remember what else they also have.
- [13:50]
A
Yeah, that's.
- [13:51]
B
I had to teach my sixth grader that. So just so you know, it's really nice.
- [13:55]
A
We could do a whole episode of Raising Middle Schoolers. There's also that. Yes.
- [13:59]
B
And you know what's interesting is I think that there was a gift in the timing of this, because, like, I am in my 40s, and your hormones are changing at that time. And I think there's a reason why. You see so many C suite women actually hit the pinnacle of their career between their 40s and 60s. You and I were just talking before we started. Judge Judy didn't start her TV show till she was 53 years old. Yeah. So in our 40s, 50s, 60s, as women, our cares given starts to drop about what other people think, what society tells us we need to do, what is the perfect thing and the perfect path that we're supposed to follow. And I think it allows us this freedom to say, why did I care so much about what this path was supposed to look like? Or why did I allow myself to be put in this box? Because somebody told me that that was the way it had to be. And I really learned that with my dad and 30% of my time getting sucked into his care intentionally. I wanted to show up.
- [15:03]
A
And it was a nice choice.
- [15:04]
B
It was the absolute right choice for our family. But that meant there was one third of my day, every day, that was dedicated towards another very important part of my life. And so I had to. I had to say to myself, well, that is the priority we need to manage and take care of in addition to having a kindergartner, you know, and first and second grader virtually schooled. Okay. If I'm gonna nail that, then what does this business have to look like and fund for that to make sense to happen? Yeah, for that to happen. And I think, I think, you know, coming into hormones changing and perimenopause allowed for that to be like, well, that's what it's gonna be. And I had one team member that was like, oh, I wish we were coming into the office every day. And I was like, I don't care. Yeah, you think about that.
- [15:49]
A
Have you seen. Have you seen girl, the lady on Instagram who is the we do not Care we do not Care club.
- [15:55]
B
Okay.
- [15:55]
A
Go follow her. I don't know what her handle is. She's hilarious.
- [15:58]
B
She's amazing. And reads a list of the things and perimenopause that we no longer care.
- [16:03]
A
About to do an existing members of the we do not Care club. Yes. It's so funny. It's great.
- [16:08]
B
But I think you just have to.
- [16:09]
A
Get around that why it's funny. It's because it's true.
- [16:12]
B
That is very true. And she takes suggestions, which is really great. Which I love.
- [16:15]
A
Yes.
- [16:15]
B
People will send in their list of.
- [16:16]
A
Things we no longer care about.
- [16:18]
B
Yes. But I think people's opinions is one of them.
- [16:21]
A
Yes. Well, because it's limiting.
- [16:22]
B
It is. And they're not living your life right. At the end of the day, their opinion doesn't come home and take care of your dad. Their opinion doesn't come home and take care of a, you know, early elementary kid. Their opinion doesn't come home and want to be a present wife like, or a good friend like, their opinion isn't going to come do that. Well.
- [16:40]
A
And so when I had the girls twins and went back to work and made the decision to go back to work, I noticed for when I first made that decision, I would use language like, I have to go back to work.
- [16:50]
B
Right.
- [16:51]
A
Which put me in a victim state of I was a victim to this choice. I was a victim to our finances, to our need. And ultimately I knew deep down we can make lifestyle decisions so I don't have to go back to work.
- [17:02]
B
Right.
- [17:03]
A
And the minute I started changing my language to I choose to changed everything.
- [17:07]
B
It does.
- [17:08]
A
And I think anything in our life or our business when we put ourselves in that seat and say, I choose to do this.
- [17:14]
B
Yes.
- [17:15]
A
Because I'm making the choice from, I.
- [17:17]
B
Get to do this.
- [17:18]
A
I get to do this. This is A gift and a blessing. There's very little we have to do. We actually don't have to take care of our kids. No, there are people who don't.
- [17:26]
B
Right.
- [17:27]
A
So we choose to do that because.
- [17:29]
B
That'S why I don't want to show up.
- [17:31]
A
Right. Right.
- [17:32]
B
I had. When our daughter Quinn was born, I was feeling a lot of guilt around not staying home. And I. I am wired to love, to create things and to work and to build businesses. I love that. I do. I love it. And I talked with one of my girlfriends who I had known since middle school, and she had gone back to work, and I asked her, said, how did you get over, like, the guilt with that? And she goes, seychelle, let's be real. Forecast yourself out one year from now. You've been home the whole year. How much patience are you gonna have with your kid if you have been home knowing that you are not naturally best suited for that? All day every day.
- [18:17]
A
Yeah.
- [18:17]
B
By yourself at home. And she said, I knew that I would be like, tapping my toes, waiting for my husband to get home from work. I would be waiting to tap out so he could tap in. And she goes, and I never wanted to get to a point in my life that I couldn't get away, couldn't wait to get away from my kid. She said, I wanted to be the type of parent that was ecstatic to come home, thrilled they got to spend time present and engaged in the moment. Now, are we all perfect at that?
- [18:43]
A
No.
- [18:43]
B
But she was like, I wanted to be the parent that could not wait to jump out of the office to go home to spend time with my family. And that totally reframed, I think, the relationship with that. And she said, why don't you flex your schedule then during that time to where you're working the hours, you know, you can be effective, but then you can also be a present parent at home. And I think the real estate business gifts us the opportunity to do that.
- [19:07]
A
Yeah. Yeah. Because you get to make those choices.
- [19:08]
B
Yeah. Well.
- [19:09]
A
And the truth is, stay at home moms feel guilty. Yes. The part time moms feel guilty. The working moms feel guilty. Because I think it goes to the root of what you said.
- [19:18]
B
Yeah.
- [19:18]
A
We're all too concerned about other people's expectations or as opposed to making a choice that we say, this is what's best for my family. Right. This is what I choose. And then saying, I'm not going to feel guilty about this. I think there's a little bit of a choice in that to say, I Know I'm making the right choice. If I didn't think I was making the right choice, I would choose to do something different.
- [19:37]
B
That's right.
- [19:38]
A
Right. And if there's guilt there, maybe we are making a wrong choice if we can't get past that. But if we can go. Yeah. I'm just not taking that on.
- [19:46]
B
Yeah. And I've become a big fan, too, of two different things. Number one is doing pilots. Let's test this for 90 days. Let's see how this works. And we can choose to adapt or change after that. Right. The other thing I love to do is to realize that it's a season.
- [20:00]
A
Yeah.
- [20:00]
B
And seasons change. Our kids get older. Our parents, you know, have different needs at different stages. Our marriages have different needs at different stages. Our bodies have different needs. Different stages. And so understanding that we're going to have seasons of hard. We're going to have seasons of easier. Like, we're going to have seasons of chaos. We're going to have seasons of calm. Like, I think it makes it a lot easier.
- [20:22]
A
It's on a calendar year.
- [20:23]
B
It's not.
- [20:24]
A
Just not a year. It's not a calendar year. It's nice. It. Yeah.
- [20:27]
B
Yeah. It's not.
- [20:28]
A
And how we shift when we're ready for it, too.
- [20:30]
B
I think it rarely shifts when you're Retro point.
- [20:33]
A
Yes, rarely.
- [20:34]
B
Yeah, rarely. But I think that's where. I think that's where perspective is a beautiful thing. And if you can realize that, like, maybe it's really hard right now, but it doesn't have to be hard forever. Yes. That was a mistake I made, was I got into this kind of cortisol addiction of, like, waiting for the other shoe to drop because so many shoes, it was like my whole closet of shoes dropped within three years. And so I was like, there have to be more shoes that are gonna fall. Like, everything. There's just something else.
- [21:00]
A
Gun shy, almost.
- [21:00]
B
I was very gun shy. And I. I found myself being addicted to the cortisol of the rush of, like, there's something else that I have to save. There's another thing that I have to solve. There's another thing that I'm gonna have to fix. And I. After my dad passed away a couple of years ago, I, for a year, felt like I was just waiting, not realizing it, but just unconsciously waiting for something else to go wrong, for something else to happen. And I found I really had to do some therapy around, like, what. What if it actually could work out for a while? Like, what would that feel like? I Mean, that's crazy.
- [21:37]
A
And that's interesting because you said, you know, you made the. The comment that sometimes we are. We like to be the savior, we like to be the hero, we like to be the problem solver. And we're good at that.
- [21:48]
B
And we'. Good at it. Yes.
- [21:49]
A
And so we look almost for those things so that we can go be in our element. We're comfortable even in chaos.
- [21:55]
B
Yes.
- [21:56]
A
Which is.
- [21:58]
B
Which is a skill set.
- [22:00]
A
Yeah.
- [22:00]
B
And when you've built. When you've built a skill set of solving chaos for a very long time, and then there's no chaos to solve, a lot of people go and create chaos. So we have to be mindful of. Sometimes our strengths sometimes need to be redeveloped in a different way. And to give you an example of that, I think a really good exercise is to define your core values. One of my core values that is like, I can't throw it in the trash can even if I tried, is the word responsibility. And for decades, that has meant I take care of everything and everyone. And I found myself after my dad passed away, I was resenting that word because it felt like it was heavy. It was heavy. It's a heavy word. And I was like, oh, I don't want to. I don't want to carry the responsibility for everyone. But I kept putting, like, that we have in the one thing book, Right. They give you that stack of core values. And so I had sorted through all of them. This dang word responsibility was sitting there, and I kept putting it to the side, and I'd sort through all the other cards because I did not want that word anymore. I was ready to be done with that word. It's like, we are not friends anymore. I want to be responsible for nothing. And I kept going through all the other words, but it kept. It kept coming back. And so I think reframing what a word can look like for you is I actually had to make a different relationship with the word responsibility. And to say I am actually now responsible for my joy, I'm responsible for my cash flow and for my little family's experience that we get to have in the world because I've been so responsible with everything else that now that is handled. And so I think, too, if you're coming out of a season of chaos into something else, really check yourself and ask, am I addicted to it? But also asking, like, what? How do my core values show up in chaos? But then when it also isn't crazy, could it show up differently?
- [23:52]
A
That's really good.
- [23:53]
B
And that that has really. That la. The last year has been exponentially different than previous years because of that change with the relationship with that word.
- [24:03]
A
So what advice, looking back, what would advice would you give yourself when you were still in just the building stage, before you really figured out how to have both happening at the same time? What advice would you give yourself sooner?
- [24:22]
B
I wish I had asked for help faster. I think I dug in and said, I will muscle through this. And I think I could have gone exponentially faster and farther if I had turned around and said, how do we do this together? How do we break this apart? Even if it's your family and friends, even if it's your team, it doesn't matter how big or small the world is. I wish I had asked for help quicker and admitted failure faster. I think I wanted to look good and be right and everything is fine.
- [24:55]
A
Ridiculous. Same.
- [24:56]
B
Yeah. And I think if I had just been like, you know, this is real hard right now, and I'm in a season and this. This is not easy, and how. How can I get out of this quicker? I think would have helped. I did pick up the phone and call a couple friends that had recently been through similar situations that I had been through, and taking their advice really helped. I wish I had probably done that even a little bit more. Not like, woes me to the world.
- [25:19]
A
Yeah.
- [25:19]
B
I wish I had kind of done that quicker. Faster in that part.
- [25:24]
A
That's really good. And I think there's a lot of strong women in business or really in men in business too, and maybe even more so sometimes with. Yes, because I think there's a stigma around that. I think there's just a stigma around asking for help. So how does somebody who is not accustomed to asking for help, how do you learn that skill? Or how do you start being a person who's willing to ask for help?
- [25:49]
B
I think you have to get over your ego, and that's hard.
- [25:54]
A
Yeah.
- [25:55]
B
I mean, I'll be the first to admit that's real hard.
- [25:57]
A
I don't want to do it before. You have to.
- [25:59]
B
Yeah. I mean, start practicing it while you feel like you're good. Yeah. It's a muscle. Right. And actually, to your point, I think men do it naturally. If you look at, like, the NFL, you're expected to fail on a daily basis. Like, does every quarterback throw the perfect pass? No. Does every receiver catch? No. I mean, and they get up and they hit their hands together and everyone comes and rallies around them and they go do it again. As women, we think we, like, shrink Back and like no one can see me fail and no one can know that I had that. I mean you look even just on the differences on social media. Guys fail on social media and it's like celebrated women feel on social media and they're canceled. Like it's, it's a huge cultural thing. And I think the more as women we can learn from men to say we rally around each other when you fail, we come in and say, how can I help you?
- [26:50]
A
What do you need?
- [26:51]
B
Let's get back up and get out there. Like, I think the faster societally we all win.
- [26:56]
A
Yeah.
- [26:56]
B
Um, and I think that's a big lesson that we can take from success in sports and success in other aspects of society and put into our female run businesses.
- [27:05]
A
Yeah. Well, the, the failure side of it too is, is when we can learn to embrace failure as an event, not an identity.
- [27:12]
B
I love that.
- [27:13]
A
I think that's a huge piece of it. But also how we treat others when they stumble and fall is how we will treat ourselves when we do. Yes. And so being a person who rallies around others and all of that sets ourselves up for when we are the ones needing the help to both be able to receive it from ourselves.
- [27:30]
B
Yes.
- [27:30]
A
Because we have, we've judged other people and then we end up judging ourselves in that same level of harshness. I think that's just a, a way to, you know, there's so many things we do in life that prepare us for the hard moments. We don't even realize we're here in preparation all the time for the next hard season. And so how we, how we prepare.
- [27:49]
B
Yeah.
- [27:50]
A
Is how we are. Are ready to get through those things.
- [27:52]
B
Yeah. Well, it's, it's what defines you. I think your ability to get through the hard things to the other side is actually what defines how you will look in success.
- [28:00]
A
Yeah.
- [28:01]
B
Right. And the faster you can admit where you're at and get after it, I think the faster you can get to, you know, a future conversation I think we'll have, which is then how do you give yourself permission to then go build that big life while you're rebuilding?
- [28:17]
A
Yeah.
- [28:18]
B
Which is really beautiful too.
- [28:19]
A
I love that. Well, on that note, we're going to bring you back for a second episode. So this is going to be a double decker. Okay. This is going to be a double decker. So thank you for joining us. Where could everybody follow you and get to know you Online?
- [28:32]
B
Her Best Life.com HerBestLife.com or @seychelle VP is my Instagram handle. Or vanpool properties if you want to Google us too.
- [28:41]
A
So appreciate you. Thank you for your story. Thank you for your leadership. Thank you. You are a wise woman.
- [28:48]
B
A lot of failure crammed into that, Teresa.
- [28:50]
A
There's also, there's also a lot of success too. And that's the, that's the beautiful thing, right? It's never a one sided tree. It's a beautiful, beautiful masterpiece. So thank you so much.
- [28:59]
B
Thanks, friend.
- [29:00]
A
Thank you for joining us today. And as always, when you invest in your personal growth every single day, it's going to yield you great returns. We will see you next week. As always, keep living on the inside.