TheUPside Podcast Host: Theresa Flood
Episode: Confessions of a Control Freak: The Secret to Reducing Stress
Date: February 24, 2026

Episode Overview

In this insightful solo episode of TheUPside Podcast, host Theresa Flood tackles the pervasive topic of stress and its roots in our desire for control. She presents practical frameworks and real-life examples showing how shifting our attention to what we can directly control can powerfully reduce anxiety and create positive, lasting change in both life and business. Drawing from Stephen Covey’s seminal work and her own experiences, Theresa explores the circles of concern, influence, and direct control, empowering listeners with tools to regain calm, clarity, and effectiveness.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Understanding Stress Through the Lens of Control

• Theme Introduction (00:05):
  • Theresa shares her own experiences with stress and the tendency to focus on uncontrollable outcomes—“Most of the time it’s because I am focusing on things that I can’t control the outcome for.” (Theresa, 00:21)
  • She challenges the belief that exhaustion stems solely from having "too much to do", arguing instead it often arises from clinging to things beyond our control.

2. Stephen Covey's Circles of Concern and Influence

• Book Reference (01:14):
  • Theresa highlights Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, emphasizing its timelessness for both business and personal growth.
  • She explains Covey’s framework:
    • Circle of Concern: Everything that matters or worries us (family, finances, politics, etc.)
    • Circle of Influence: A smaller subset where our attitudes and actions can impact outcomes, though not directly control them.

3. Introducing the Circle of Direct Control

• Deeper Dive (02:34):
  • Theresa goes a step further, introducing the “Circle of Direct Control”—things only we ourselves can truly command.
    • “Small circle, ladies and gentlemen. And it really has to do with only things that involve me or only things that involve you.” (Theresa, 03:04)
    • Examples include: attitude, mindset, beliefs, response, habits, and tone.

4. Application in Real Life Scenarios

• Business Example (04:16):
  • Real Estate: The market’s behavior is a concern; how agents educate clients is influence; their preparation and approach is control.
• Parenting Example (05:24):
  • Children’s life choices are a concern; setting the environment and modeling values is influence; time spent, tone used, and authenticity are direct control.
• Leadership Example (06:23):
  • A team member’s performance is a concern; coaching and resources are influence; clarity of expectations and metrics are control.

5. Why We Try to Control Everything

• Coping Mechanisms (08:00):
  • In times of uncertainty, people often clean, micromanage, or organize as attempts to restore a sense of control. This temporarily soothes the nervous system but doesn’t address the root stressor.
  • “Peace is not found in controlling everything. It’s found in faithfully controlling what is yours to control.” (Theresa, 09:14)

6. Inside-Out Leadership and Influence

• “If I cannot lead myself, I can’t lead others, right? It’s inside to outside.” (Theresa, 10:17)
  • Influence is earned by consistently focusing on one's inner circle of control first, rather than jumping to influence or concern.

7. The Danger of Misplaced Responsibility

• Victim and Martyr Complexes (12:03):
  • Living in the circle of concern leads to reactive behavior, blaming others, and shrinking influence.
  • Two pitfalls:
    • Victimhood—believing one is powerless.
    • Martyrdom—trying to force control over uncontrollable matters, draining energy and effectiveness.
  • “It’s not in responsibility, but it’s in misplaced responsibility.” (Theresa, 12:49)

8. Practical Tools and Action Steps

• Journaling Exercise (15:08):
  • Theresa suggests listeners write down their current stressors, then use the three-circle method to categorize them. This clarity helps focus energy where it’s most impactful.
  • “What action can I take today? And then what do I need to release?” (Theresa, 16:02)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Control and Stress:
  • “When I start to get that kind of pit in my stomach, start to feel anxious, start to feel stress, most of the time it’s because I am focusing on things that I can’t control the outcome for.” (00:20)
• On Mindset:
  • “We don’t have control over our situation or our circumstance, but we do have control over the story that we tell ourself about it.” (03:39)
• On Influence:
  • “Influence is earned. It’s not forced. Sometimes we try to start with the circle of influence. It’s not where you start.” (10:35)
• On Finding Peace:
  • “Peace is not found in controlling everything. It’s found in faithfully controlling what is yours to control.” (09:14)
• Final Encouragement:
  • “You don’t need to control everything to live a powerful life. You just need to be faithful to do and control what is yours.” (17:10)

Key Segment Timestamps

• Recognizing Stress Triggers – 00:05-01:05
• Circles of Concern and Influence Explained – 01:14-02:50
• Circle of Direct Control Introduction – 02:34-04:16
• Business, Parenting, and Leadership Applications – 04:16-07:44
• Why We Struggle With Control – 08:00-09:50
• Inside-Out Personal Leadership – 10:10-11:02
• Misplaced Responsibility (Victim/Martyr) – 12:03-13:23
• Practical Journaling Tool – 15:08-16:45
• Final Takeaways & Encouragement – 16:45-End

Actionable Takeaways

• Map Out Stressors: List what’s causing you stress. Identify what belongs in your circle of concern, influence, and direct control.
• Focus on the Inner Circle: Concentrate your efforts on actions, attitudes, and decisions you directly control.
• Release What’s Not Yours: Acknowledge and let go of worries and stressors outside your control to reclaim energy and peace.
• Use and Teach the Framework: Apply this circles method in your own personal development, or teach it to your team for broader impact.

“Your life will work from the inside out every single time. So when you control what is yours to control, your influence will grow. When your influence grows, it’s going to create less stress. And when you release the things that were never yours to control anyway, that’s when you’re going to find peace.”
– Theresa Flood (14:23)

This episode encourages practical reflection and realignment for anyone feeling overwhelmed, urging you to reclaim your agency and calm by focusing on what’s truly yours to influence and control.