TheUPside Podcast – Episode Summary

Podcast: TheUPside Podcast
Host: Theresa Flood
Episode: People Need People
Date: April 22, 2025

Episode Overview

In the episode "People Need People," host Theresa Flood delves into the significance of community and meaningful connection in both personal and professional life. Drawing on research, real-life stories, and memorable quotes, she explores how intentional relationships shape our growth, aid in overcoming loneliness, and ultimately define our future. Theresa offers actionable strategies for adults struggling to find or build their tribe, emphasizing that community is built deliberately, not by accident.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Influence of Our Social Circles

• The Power of Association:
  • Theresa begins by referencing the saying: "Show me your friends and I'll show you your future."
    • “You are the sum of the five people you hang out with the most.” (00:40)
  • Discusses how 95% of your success can be determined by your community.
  • Biblical analogy: “Walk with the wise and you will grow wise. But a companion of fools suffers harm.” (01:19)
  • Notable quote by Eugene Peterson:
    • “I am not myself by myself.” (01:36)
    • Theresa reflects: “Can I really know who I am if I'm just alone?” (01:44)

2. A Study on Rats & The Impact of Environment

• The Rat Park Experiment:
  • Theresa recounts a study where isolated, drug-addicted rats were integrated with healthy rats and subsequently opted for healthy behaviors.
    • “Whether we like it or not, the people around us really, really do matter.” (02:40)
• Key Insight:
  • The company we keep—be it healthy or unhealthy—dramatically shapes our choices and outcomes.

3. The Growing Epidemic of Loneliness

• Staggering Statistics: (03:10 - 03:54)
  • 1 in 4 adults have no close confidant.
  • 60% of those aged 18–24 feel lonely regularly.
  • 34% of those aged 50–80 feel isolated.
  • Overall, 21% (1 in 5 people) feel lonely.
  • The number of men without a close friend has increased 5x since 1990.
  • “12% of adults claim to have no friends at all. This one is shocking.” (03:50)

4. Why Building Community Is Harder as Adults

• Childhood vs. Adulthood:
  • Kids are constantly placed in peer environments through school, activities, and organized play.
    • “Our parents organize play dates... you're actually thrust into opportunities to find your people.” (04:39)
  • As adults, organic opportunities diminish due to work, varied life stages, and busyness.
  • “There doesn’t have always a natural rhythm to relationship and friendship.” (05:38)

5. The Effort Required for Adult Friendships

• Friendship Takes Time:
  • 50 hours: casual friends
  • 90 hours: friends
  • 200 hours: close friends
  • “200 hours with somebody doesn’t just naturally happen. We have to put intention to it.” (06:11)

6. The True Nature of Community: A Biblical Illustration

• Story of the Paralyzed Man: (06:44)
  • Theresa highlights the story where friends lower a paralyzed man through a roof to see Jesus, symbolizing the sacrifices true community makes.
  • She emphasizes:
    • “These weren't just strangers that grabbed him… These were his friends… I'm willing to pick up your mat when it's going to be heavy.” (07:05)
• Readiness in Community:
  • “You don’t know when you’re going to need it… and you don’t know when somebody else is going to need you.” (07:59)
• Quote: “Helen Keller says walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.” (08:10)

Actionable Steps to Navigate Loneliness & Build Community

Theresa provides three practical strategies to cultivate meaningful connection as an adult:

1. Get Connected (09:10)

• “Go be the friend that you want to have.”
• Don’t wait for invitations; make the first move.
• Acknowledge the discomfort: “I promise you, it'll be even a little awkward at first, it will be worth it in the end.” (09:45)

2. Stay Connected (10:16)

• “Fight for the important relationships in your life…guard against offense.”
• Two risky times:
  • When things are good: it feels unnecessary to lean on community.
  • When things are bad: shame or embarrassment cause withdrawal.
• “It’s the most important time to not hide away and retreat. People need people. You need people, and people need you.” (11:05)

3. Invite and Include Others (11:30)

• “Be the one who engages. Be the one who looks for the person sitting on the outskirts.”
• “You don't just show up for you. You show up for everybody else in the room.” (12:19)
• “Sometimes we're on the receiving end of community, and sometimes we're on the giving end, and both are so crucially important.” (12:53)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “95% of your success can be determined by who you are in community with. Look at the people around you. How do they think, how are they acting, how are they showing up?” – Theresa Flood (00:56)
• “I am not myself by myself.” – Eugene Peterson, quoted by Theresa Flood (01:36)
• “People need people. You need people, and people need you.” – Theresa Flood (11:10)
• “You don’t just show up for you. You show up for everybody else in the room.” – Theresa Flood (12:19)
• “We're better together.” – Theresa Flood (13:11)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:40 – Influence of friends and your future
• 01:36 – “I am not myself by myself” reflection
• 02:11 – The rat study and impact of social environment
• 03:10 – Loneliness statistics and post-pandemic effects
• 05:01 – The shift from childhood to adult socialization
• 06:11 – The hours required to build close friendship
• 06:44 – The paralyzed man Bible story
• 08:10 – Helen Keller quote on friendship
• 09:10 – Three action steps: Get Connected
• 10:16 – Stay connected and guard against withdrawal
• 11:30 – Invitation and openness as leadership
• 12:19 – The ripple effect of participation in community
• 13:11 – Final encouragement: “We're better together.”

Tone & Takeaway

Theresa Flood’s approach is warm, encouraging, and pragmatic. She acknowledges the very real obstacles adults face in finding meaningful community, but inspires listeners to take ownership—both for their own sake and for the wellbeing of others. The clear message: It's not accidental; building community is intentional, but the investment is vital and rewarding.

Bottom line:
People need people. If you’re feeling alone or disconnected, you’re not alone in that feeling—nor is it a personal failing. Building, maintaining, and inviting others into community requires courage, intention, and action. Start small, show up, and remember: when you invest in your relationships, the returns will be great.