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The language of victimhood and words that keep you stuck. That is what we're talking about today. Welcome to the Upside Podcast, where we help you get unstuck in life and business by elevating your thinking and provoking meaningful change from the inside out. I'm your host, Teresa Flood. Let's get started today. And here is a phrase that I hear all the time. And you have said it. I have said it. I have said it multiple times. And that phrase is, I didn't have a choice. Let's talk today. Why? That might be one of the most expensive and costly phrases that we can use. So here is the reality. Victim language is a trap, and most of us are in it without even knowing it. We don't even realize the words that we're saying are actually creating our reality, not just describing it. So let's talk about what victim language is first. It's really not about whether something bad has happened. Victim language is anything that removes ourselves from the equation because we always have an opportunity to create the story that we tell. Meaning, life happens, challenging situations happen, bad things happen. And the question that we have, the choice that we have in our lives is what are we going to make that story mean? And we fall into victim thinking or into victim language. We remove ourselves from any kind of accountability or any kind of responsibility. If you didn't listen to an episode that I aired a few weeks ago on the accountability equation, I would encourage you to go back after this one and listen to that. It's got some powerful truths about how we really own our power and own our potential in our lives. But victim language, honestly, feels like a relief when we use it. It can feel very honest. It can feel very comfortable. But what actually happens is that we transfer our power. So we're going to talk just about some of the most common ways that victim language slips into our vocabulary, even for those of us who are not what I like to call professional victims, meaning we do own our. Our lives. We're accountable people. We. We know that we have the choice for. For predicting our outcomes, and yet these little phrases can creep in unnoticed and rob us of our power. So here's the first one, and that is, they made me. Or I was just reacting, so they made me all of a sudden puts the responsibility of what we choose to do and how we choose to respond back into the seat of somebody else. You know, this is one that I have nipped in the bud with my kids, right? Well, they just made me do that. They made me say this. They made Me respond this way? Nope. Guess what? We always have a choice. It doesn't matter what somebody else does. We always have the choice of how we react and how we respond. It's important that we put ourselves in the driver's seat. The second one, and this is the one I talked about at the beginning of the episode, and that is I didn't have a choice or I have to. And this one, I think is the one that comes in most commonly, even with people who are highly accountable. And sometimes it even comes in when, when we are, when we are making really positive choices. I've heard parents who really love their children say, well, I didn't have a choice. You know, I, maybe, maybe, you know, you, you went through a divorce situation and you had to really step up as a single parent. You say, I didn't have a choice. Guess what? Give yourself some credit. You did have a choice. A lot of people in that same situation make terrible choices. You did have a choice. You made a choice. You made a great choice to step it up for your child. And when we put ourselves back in ownership, even of the great decisions, it gives you power back in your life. You chose. You didn't have to do anything. You chose to do it. When my girls, I think I've told this story before on the, on the podcast, but when I was pregnant with the girls and I made the decision to go back from. To work, I felt some guilt around not being a stay at home mom. My mom was a stay at home mom. I had always thought up into that point that I might would stay home with my kids. And we made the decision, Tommy and I, that was going to go back to work. And I started saying things like, I have to go back to work. I have to, you know, bring money home for the family. I have to do this. And it created a feeling of guilt around that decision. And the minute I started changing my language to I choose to go back to work because that's the decision that we're making for our family. I choose to be a working mom. I choose to continue in this career choice that I've had. When I took that power back, a lot of that guilt just went away. Why? Because I wasn't subject to, to quote, unquote, having to. I chose to. I don't have to go to work every day. I choose to. I don't have to go to the gym. I choose to. I don't have to eat healthy. I choose to. You don't have to do any of those things either. And yet when you decide to use language that is I choose or I desire, I pick. You put yourself in such a position of power. There is power in admitting your choice, even when it's a hard choice. All right, the third one is, well, I didn't know, Nobody told me. I didn't know, nobody told me. And this one I think sometimes is true. Maybe nobody did tell us and maybe we didn't know. But by using that language, we're dismissing the opportunity we opportunity we have to be resourceful, to go out there and to get in the information instead reframing it. I, I didn't seek out the information. I didn't do everything I could to ask the right questions. It shifts us from passive to being responsible. Information is out there everywhere. So by saying we didn't know, maybe we can start to take accountability and say, next time I choose to ask more questions. And then let me give you a couple sneaky ones that I think sometimes come in that are harder to catch because they sound reasonable, if you will. Um, how about, that's just how I am. Well, I can't really help it. That's just how I am. Okay, maybe that is how you are. And yet when we use our identity as an excuse, maybe for bad behavior or poor choices, we rob ourselves of the understanding that we can change and we can grow. Or maybe saying things like, well, nothing ever works out for me, or that's always what happens to me. It becomes a pattern of thinking in our lives and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Or maybe just saying, why bother? Or it is how it is. Now, I do say it is how it is. And I think it's okay to say it is how it is if it's something that's out of our control. But when we start using the phrase, well, it just is how it is. And those are things that are still within our realm of choice. When it's still within our power to make a difference, then we put ourselves again in such a passive response, we end up using that victim language and we're taking ourselves out of the driver's seat. These ones are dangerous because it feels a little bit like self, self awareness. All of these, well, it's just how I am or it is how it is. And yet they're very sneaky ways that we step into victimhood. So why does that happen again? Even when we're highly accountable people that want to take ownership? The truth is, is that victim language protects our ego from failure. And it feels really good in the short term because it absolves us from some of the pain of ownership. And in the long time it causes us massive paralysis. And we learned it, which also means we can unlearn it. Some of these language patterns are things we've said our entire lives. Well, I had to we can learn it, we can unlearn it. That every time you hand the pen to somebody else, you give them the power to write your story. For some of us, it's important now that you take the pen back and write your own story. So this week's challenge is I just want you to catch yourself. When are you falling into little traps of victimhood? When is your language putting you out of the driver's seat? When is your language causing you to be passive as opposed to take ownership? And then re ask yourself, what is the version of this where I'm in control, where I can take full accountability? Because when I take full accountability of the problem, when I take full accountability of my actions, then I get to take full ownership and accountability for the solutions and the results. So victim language feels like relief. A lot of times. I get it. But ownership feels like freedom. The more freedom you want in your life, the more accountable we have to become. And freedom is always worth the discomfort of the truth. So remember, when you're investing in your personal growth every single day, when you make little changes to how you think and how you speak, it is going to yield you great returns in your life, in your business. Please go subscribe to teresaflood.com and we'll send out a teaching guide every single week to help you grow, help you teach what you're learning to others, and smash that subscribe button on the YouTube page as well. I so appreciate your support as always. Always. Thank you for listening to the Upside and we will see you next week.