What Every Mom Needs to Hear Right Now

Summary

TheUPside Podcast – “What Every Mom Needs to Hear Right Now”

Podcast Host: Theresa Flood
Guests: Michelle Ozimi, Macy
Episode Date: May 5, 2026

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Overview

This special Mother’s Day edition of TheUPside Podcast, hosted by Theresa Flood, brings together three moms (at different stages of parenting) for an honest, insightful, and empowering conversation around motherhood. The discussion is packed with relatable stories, lessons learned, and words of encouragement for moms at all stages—from the trenches of toddlerhood to empty nesting. Listeners get practical wisdom, candid sharing about mistakes, and lots of laughter in a heartfelt, non-judgmental space.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introductions & Parenting Stages (00:00–03:12)

• Theresa Flood: Host; proud mom of 14-year-old twin girls, Jillian and Juliet ("Jet").
• Michelle Ozimi: Married 26+ years; mom to Caitlyn (25, Broadway costume designer), Lucas (23, Seattle-based musician), Gracie (19, college freshman studying forensic psychology). Recently "launched" her kids—prefers that term to "empty nest."
• Macy: Married 13 years; mom to Carrie (8, analytical and type A) and Eric (6, adventurous and fun).

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2. Surprises and Lessons in Early Motherhood (03:16–06:42)

Macy on Letting Go of Control

“I'm not in control. I've never been in control. But there's something about being a mother, especially of little ones… you have to let that go and really just love them and trust that they are going to be okay.”
– Macy (03:48)

• The transition from believing you can control everything to realizing parenting requires surrender.
• Each parenting milestone (like her daughter turning 4) brought new joy and marked a turning point.
• Universal takeaway: Every year gets better; appreciating each new stage rather than longing for the last is key to enjoying motherhood.

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3. Embracing Each Season & Milestones (06:42–13:21)

• Michelle: Not every season is "for you"; she loved the teen years, while her husband loved the baby years.
• Michelle’s “You Made It” Milestone: Freedom came when the youngest could function without needing a stroller or diaper bag (07:33).
• Theresa: A major milestone was no longer wrangling two kids into car seats—“my life just made a turn.” (08:26)

Notable Quote:

“Every year is better… you fall more in love… [it’s about] enjoying motherhood—not looking back and feeling sad for what's gone, but expecting each next season will be wonderful.”
– Theresa (06:12)

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4. Lessons for Different Stages (Teen & Elementary Years) (10:27–15:32)

Teenage Years Surprises

“What surprised me is how much fun it was… I let them make their own choices (within reason), and we just had fun.”
– Michelle (10:46)

• Emphasizes fun, giving teens room to make decisions, and celebrating milestones like prom.
• Don’t fear the teen years—they can be the best!

Giving Yourself Permission to Parent Authentically

“You don't have to be the Pinterest mom unless you want to be… Permission to moms to say no.”
– Theresa (12:02, 13:21)

• Ignore social pressures to ‘do it all’; focus on what brings you and your child joy.
• Let go of “mom guilt” around school parties, crafting, or over-extending.

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5. What Would You Do Differently? (14:02–19:16)

• Michelle: Wishes she’d recognized and parented her kids’ differences more deeply; not every child needs to be treated the same.
• Theresa: With twins, avoiding natural comparisons is tough; parenting uniquely for each child is important.
• Macy: Learned to pick her battles (e.g., letting her independent daughter wear whatever she wanted), realizing the fuss over mismatched outfits wasn’t worth daily conflict.

“You have to choose what battle to pick because you have to let your children be themselves.”
– Macy (15:56)

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6. Major Lessons Learned as Moms (20:19–25:23)

Building Your Tribe

“Build your tribe so you have people around you who can support you… if you’re not willing to be a tribe to somebody else, it’s hard to find that tribe.”
– Macy (20:34)

• Macy shares the transformation after finding her ‘mom tribe’—no longer feeling alone.
• The importance of support systems outside immediate family.

Letting Others Speak Into Your Child’s Life

• Don’t let guilt prevent you from accepting help or involving babysitters/other adults who can pour into your child’s life.
• Example: Macy’s kids have a lifelong relationship with past babysitter, which enriched their lives.

Letting Go as a Parent

“They weren’t my kids. They were God’s kids that he was giving me as a gift to raise… At the end of the day, he loves them more than we ever will.”
– Theresa (23:40)

• Emphasizes faith, stewardship, and letting go—preparing to trust as children make independent choices.

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7. Audience Advice: Notable Listener Submissions (25:53–42:26)

Common Themes from Listener Advice

• Don’t compare yourself or your kids to others.
• Pick your battles (cited universally for all parenting stages).
• “You know your own child best. Parent them uniquely.” – Shout outs to Kristen, Hannah, and Shauna.

Don’t Underestimate Your Kids

“Don’t underestimate your kids.”
– Mariah (28:00)

• Example: Theresa’s daughter landing a lead theater role—realizing she’d set her own expectations too low.

Apologizing to Your Kids

“Just say you’re sorry to your kids when you mess up or handle it wrong.”
– Allison (36:23)

• Children need to see parents own mistakes and model humility.

Don’t Rescue Your Kids

“Don’t rescue your kids.”
– Mila (39:26)

• Let them experience consequences and handle their own challenges, balancing when to advocate and when to allow struggle.

Maintaining Your Marriage

“Remember how to be a wife… don’t neglect being a wife.”
– Monica & Tammy (32:00)

• As children grow up, prioritizing marriage is vital for staying connected (and for your kids’ wellbeing).

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8. The Upside of Modern Motherhood (42:18–45:46)

• Michelle: The joy of having adult kids and joining them in their cities and friend groups: "No one tells you how fun the young adult phase is." (42:26)
• Macy: Delighting in the “sweet spot” of family life—kids are involved, hilarious, and eager to spend time together.
• Theresa: No matter how hard your current season, it will shift and improve—“love the moment you're in, and get excited for the next.”

“We’ve been telling ourselves: The best days are here and now, but better days are to come.”
– Macy (45:28)

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9. Closing Moments & Memorable Exchanges

Sentimental Keepsakes (46:06)

• Michelle wears a necklace made by her daughter in 5th grade—reminder that little mum treasures can have big meaning.

Champagne Toast (47:31)

“To all the moms. To our moms… Happy Mother’s Day. Enjoy the season you’re in.”
– Theresa (47:32)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On control:
  “There’s a sense of control before you have kids… That all goes out the window forever.” – Macy (04:49)

• On mom guilt:
  “If you want to do all those things, DO those things. And if you don’t, your kids really… that’s not what they care about.” – Theresa (12:50)

• On parenting mistakes:
  “If one is a straight-A student and they stop getting straight A’s, then address it. But Lucas was not… I probably shouldn’t have addressed it so hard.” – Michelle (15:19)

• On picking battles:
  “Getting dressed in the morning was not it… It was setting the tone for the entire day.” – Macy (16:00)

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Important Timestamps

• 00:00–03:12: Introductions, ages/stages of kids
• 03:16–06:42: Lessons learned in early motherhood, giving up control
• 06:42–13:21: Embracing mom milestones, looking forward to next seasons
• 14:02–19:16: Parenting each child uniquely & picking battles
• 20:19–25:23: Major lessons—building your support tribe and letting go
• 25:53–42:26: Listener advice, apologizing to kids, not rescuing, marriage
• 42:18–45:46: Celebrating the upsides of current mom stages
• 46:06–47:44: Sweet keepsakes and champagne Mother’s Day toast

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Final Takeaways

• Every season of motherhood brings its own joy and challenge—but it does get better, with each year bringing new richness and connection.
• Comparison, guilt, and pressure to do it “right” can be let go; focus on what works for your family.
• Building support systems, giving yourself—and your kids—grace, and keeping perspective makes the journey sweeter.
• The best days are both now and ahead; savor the present and look forward to the future.

Happy Mother’s Day to all!

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For more wisdom and community, subscribe at teresaflood.com.

Transcript

[A]

This week is mom's edition of the Upside podcast, where we help you get unstuck in life and business by elevating your thinking and provoking meaningful change from the inside out. I'm your host, Teresa Flood, and I have two amazing moms with me today, and we're going to chat about motherhood and we're going to chat about some advice that we got along the way. So we're going to dish out some advice to moms that are in, like, the season behind us. Love it. And hopefully every mom that listens to this, my goal is that they would feel celebrated and they would feel encouraged. So I picked two of my favorite moms. I'm so excited to have you join today. So, Michelle, tell us about you and tell us about your. Your amazing husband and kids. Let's see those as we reference them throughout.

[B]

Yes. Yes. So I am Michelle Ozimi, and my husband is Allen Simonton. We have been married a long time. 26, 27 years, something like that. Really long time.

[C]

We have three kids.

[B]

Caitlin is 24, five. Lucas is 23, and Gracie, the baby is 19.

[A]

Okay. I love it. And tell us what they're doing in this season of their life.

[B]

So Caitlyn is a costume designer on Broadway. She's in New York. Our son is a singer, songwriter, music producer, and barista in Seattle.

[A]

Something's got to pay the bills. Yeah, you got to pay the bill. Talented. He's. Thank you. Thank you.

[B]

I think so. And then Gracie is my child, and she is studying forensic neuro. Forensic psychology at Purdue. She's a freshman. Impressive.

[A]

If only she was smart.

[C]

I'm kidding, right?

[A]

Bless her.

[B]

So the two older ones take after their father. They're super creative. I am not creative. Thus, me and Gracie, we hang out, we get a long while.

[A]

So you are in the phase of you're technically an empty nester. I am.

[B]

It's so fun. It's so fun. I like to say that I'm launched.

[A]

Your launch.

[B]

Your lawn. Lawn.

[C]

Great.

[A]

Yeah. I love that.

[B]

Empty nest sounds sad.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Everybody's flown the C. I like launch. That's.

[B]

I like it. I actually. The whole brand in a day with Colette helped me kind of come up with that idea because empty nest is so sad. Yeah, it's the.

[A]

It's the beginning, not the ending, the beginning of something new. I love that. Okay.

[B]

Macy.

[A]

Yeah, Macy, tell us about you.

[C]

So Matt and I have been married for 13 years now, and we have two little ones. We have Carrie, who is my 8 year old and, and she looks like me and acts like me and is super analytical like her dad in particular and just that type a personality. And then we have Eric who is six and he is just adventurous and fun and just a go getter and always getting into something.

[A]

So you have adorable kids, such fun ages. So just to remind listeners, I have Jillian and Juliet or Jet, she goes by jet and they're 14 year old fraternal twin girls. So I.

[B]

That is so fun.

[A]

I'm in the middle years of launching into teenage life. They start high school next year which is just insanity.

[B]

That is.

[A]

It is already there. Okay, so Macy, I want to start with you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Looking back because you're now in that sweet spot of elementary school where your kids are a little bit more self sufficient but still very needy. They need a lot of mom and all of the things. But looking back on the, the newborn and toddler years which is like the trenches of physical parenting. What, what did you learn from that season? What did, what surprised you the most? What would you say to moms right now that are really in the trenches of those early years? I think what surprised me or what

[C]

I learned the most through those seasons is I'm not in control. I've never been in control. But there, there's something about being a mother. Right. Especially of little ones that don't. They can't always communicate and when they can communicate they're not communicating in a way that I can fully understand. And so just really learning like I am not in control and I have to let that go and really just love them and trust that they are going to be okay. Because that has just been like the biggest learning lesson I feel like through motherhood thus far. Especially when they were, when they were little. Yeah.

[A]

It is hard because you want to control everything. I think you have all these ideals when you're pregnant with that first baby of how everything is going to be and this little human shows up with a mind of their own and nothing is like what you thought it would be in a lot of ways. And so you do have to learn how to.

[B]

And you'll never let go.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Ever again. Yeah. Yeah. Just.

[C]

No, I feel like I never was because there was like a sense of control that you have when you're. Before you have kids, you're you know, married and like have a decent income.

[A]

Right.

[C]

Like, and it's. You could just live life that all

[B]

goes out of the window forever.

[A]

What did you think the biggest milestone that was like that sense of relief that you've kind of made it through X. I can tell you what mine is very specifically. What was it for you, Macy?

[C]

For me, when both of my kids, like, When Carrie turned 4, there was something about when Carrie was 4.

[A]

She was a predator.

[C]

Was 2. She was. Carrie was a really hard toddler. And so when she got out of that toddler phase and she became like a little kid, which I know for is still a little bit of a toddler, but she became a kid and she was able to have good conversations and to reason and she became her own person and was so much fun at that age.

[B]

And.

[C]

And we. That's when we really just started seeing her personality come out. Um, and she is a little mother at heart. And so that was just a really fun age. Cause she was able to just kind of step into that and really just. We were just able to see her, her. Her shine. So that was my favorite milestone, her being four. But I will say to every mom out there, every year is better.

[A]

I agree with that.

[C]

Every year. And obviously I've only had a year so far, but so far it is.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You fell more in love with this little human. You continue to know them more and they're developing and growing. And I think that's such a key to enjoying motherhood. Absolutely. Is not looking back on the previous season and feeling sad all the time that this is gone.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But looking and going, I get to enjoy this next season. And it's going to be wonderful. It's going to be different, but it's going to be wonderful.

[B]

Yeah. And I was also recognizing that not every season was meant for you necessarily. Like, Alan was so great with the babies. Like, he loves babies. He was a kid's pastor. Loves the babies. Me, I could have skipped that phase. Honestly. I loved my teenagers. Like, they were great teenagers. And most people don't say that, but I loved the teenage years. It was so much fun.

[A]

I'm excited about the teenage. I mean, Tommy and I were youth pastors, and so I fundamentally believe teenagers are awesome.

[C]

Yes, I think they are.

[A]

They're the future of the world, essentially, for this generation. And there is so much opportunity and potential in teenagers. They're so fun. I think they get a bad rap.

[B]

They do, but.

[A]

Okay, so what was your milestone, though, when they were little that you said when they got to this, you felt like you could breathe again.

[B]

We went on a vacation and we had three of them. And when we got out of the car and we didn't have to carry anything, like, there was no. There was no Stroller. There was no giant bag. Like at that point, like Gracie was. She's the baby. And she. But she was always like self sufficient. So like I want to say she was maybe four. And so we were out of the stroller phase. We got out, there was no diaper bag. Like we just got out of the car and walked into wherever we were going. And it was like, like I, I remember that. And it was like, oh my gosh, this is like a whole new world now.

[A]

So mine is very similar to that. It was when they could get in and out of the car seat by themselves. And having twins, which, you know, moms that have kids close in age dealing with two kids in a car seat. So twins is not that different. But the whole thing of not having to have two kids in a cart at the grocery store. Where do you even put the groceries? I don't even matter. It doesn't even work. Like not.

[B]

There's no room for groceries at that point.

[A]

Yes. But then putting one in one side and the kids like rolling away in the car, having to go around in the other when they get in and out by themselves, I just felt like I'm free.

[C]

Freedom.

[A]

Like my life has just made a turn.

[B]

I actually looked through a Target ad the other day and car seats were $400.

[C]

Oh yeah.

[B]

Are they that much?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And they spend. They're way more the name brand. Top of the line.

[A]

You don't care if your child lives or dies.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Really? No.

[B]

They'll know.

[C]

But oh my gosh, that's crazy.

[A]

Abuses.

[C]

Right?

[A]

When you're a young mom, don't care that much about the safety of your child. You buy this affordable option. But if you love your child, you will spend this on all of the things.

[B]

So I was at the very beginning of that because Caitlyn was born like right around the time that Babies R Us became a thing. So that was just really starting thing anymore. No, but like that was re. Like all of the baby gear was really starting to like develop. And so I kind of missed where it got super crazy. But. Wow, that's expensive.

[A]

It is.

[C]

Yeah. Very expensive.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And I even have. I mean, I feel like I'm not that far removed. Eric 6 But we're having friends that have kids and I'm going to their baby showers and looking like it doesn't even look the same from six years ago. Like I don't even know what those products were anymore.

[A]

Yes, well. And I think one of the things I learned is I didn't need nearly as Much stuff. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, gosh, no.

[A]

If anybody's pregnant with twins listening to this. You don't need two of everything. You really, really don't. And I didn't do two of everything. But. But there was that mentality. Need two swings, two bouncers, and really, you need a lot less than what you think you do. You figure out what your fundamentals are.

[B]

Oh, with Caitlyn, I had like 10 of everything. Like, 10 bur cloths. 10, you know, 10 of all of the things. Like, and then by the time Gracie came along, it was like, give me a dish towel. Yes. Yeah, the dog can lick her face. It'll be fine.

[A]

It's totally fine. Okay, so what is your advice, Michelle, to the teenage years? Looking down to the, the, the phase that you just kind of. I mean, you've been out of it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

A little while. But what's your best advice or what. What did you. What surprised you about that phase?

[B]

I think my best. I think what surprised me is how much fun it was.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, and I think I, I said this. I guess I got lucky. My kids were mostly well behaved, or I haven't really caught them in anything that they did a few years ago, but, like, they, we just had fun. Like, so I let them pretty much make their own choices and, you know, within reason, we certainly rules and boundaries. But I had fun with them.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I loved it. Like, we had some great teenage years. I will tell you, I am missing prom season. Like, we had some great prom dresses and prom tuxedos and I've been seeing all of the prom dresses this year, and I'm like, man, I want to go prom dress shopping with somebody. It was so fun.

[A]

So fun. Buy yourself a prom dress. Michelle. Sounds like you're hosting a party. Let us know the day.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

We'll show up in our.

[C]

There is.

[B]

There is that party.

[A]

I've heard this.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Adult prom.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Well, adult prom and the. Wear the dress that you don't ever get to wear anymore.

[C]

Oh, I've seen that. Look at my feet.

[A]

We have the dress.

[C]

It was.

[B]

Well, there's that.

[A]

I think I still have in my closet one of my dresses. I don't think it was prom that I wore to one of my.

[B]

I bet I've got one.

[A]

Yeah, it's not. That's not gonna fit. Yeah, it wouldn't fit.

[B]

Yeah, there's that.

[C]

That's.

[B]

That's a different show.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

So I think my advice to the elementary school mom is you don't have to be the pinterest mom. Unless you want to be the Pinterest mom. And if you are the Pinterest mom, there's no guilt or shame in that. Go make origami napkins for your kids lunches. Like, be that mom.

[B]

So good.

[A]

Cut dinosaurs out of the kids sandwiches. Like, do all the things.

[B]

But that was never.

[A]

I'm not artsy creative. Like, that just literally sucks the life out of me. And there was so much of that same. And so much. I mean, nowadays, kids, birthday parties are like the event of the year. You have one after another after another, and it feels like everybody has to outdo the other. And I think just not getting caught up in that. And you be you if you want to do all of those things.

[B]

I hate your saying yes.

[A]

Do those things so good. And if you don't, your kids really. That's not what they care about. I think we as women get caught up in the. What the expectations are, how we're going to look to other moms or how it's going to look on social media or whatever. We exhaust ourselves unnecessarily. And I decided really up front, I was going to donate to the PTA and I was going to be involved with my kids, but I was okay saying no. Yeah. And I think that was a really good thing for me. And so just permission to moms to say no.

[B]

So good. Yeah, that's good.

[C]

That's so important. Yeah, I heard that. There's the Pinterest mom and the Amazon mom. I was with Amazon mom.

[B]

Right with me.

[A]

Tell me what to order.

[C]

Yeah, I got yes, but, like, I'm not going to put them. Put all the snacks together in a really cute way. Spring you a box of snacks.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

It's my loyal guy. Yeah, just.

[A]

Just major on the majors and not on the minors. I think it's so big. Okay, so what would you do differently? Just looking back into your years of being a mom and not necessarily what big mistakes did you make, but where did you maybe get hung up on minor things that looking back now, you just go, wasn't that big a deal?

[B]

Oh, gosh.

[A]

I think it's hard when I'm talking to moms who did everything so beautiful so beautifully.

[B]

So beautifully. No, I. I think what I would have done differently was recognize a little better the difference between my kids and really focus on those differences and respond accordingly. So. And kind of what I mean specifically with that as an example is my two girls were very, like, intellectual, and that was a really big deal for them. Lucas, not so Much.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so I didn't tolerate. I should have tolerated things differently for him than what I would have for the girls. And so that's what I would have done different in that regard.

[A]

That's really good advice.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I struggle with that as a mom of twins. Yeah. Oh, definitely of the same gender.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because everything is a natural comparison.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Even if you try not to compare, people are like, is that the tall one? Is that the short one? Is that the one who likes this? Is that the athletic one and that the theater one? I'm like, well, no, they actually both like theater and both are athletic. And yet they're two incredibly different human beings. It's so hard, and yet it is hard to parent them differently, especially we're in that same stage. So I don't know that I have that entirely figured out yet.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think that's really good awareness, though.

[B]

Yeah. Recognize their differences and respond accordingly. Like, you know, if one is a straight A student and they stop getting straight A's, well, then you address it. Yeah. But Lucas was not. And I probably shouldn't have addressed it. So, so hard.

[A]

Yeah, that's good.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah, that's really good.

[A]

What about you?

[C]

It's really good. I think I figured it out, but it took me a while to figure it out that I truly do have to pick my battles. Right. Carrie was independent from the start. I don't think I've picked her clothes out other than for special occasions since

[A]

she was two years old.

[C]

The girl wanted to dress herself from a very young age. And that was such a challenge for me because I'm like, do you know what you look like? Did you look in the mirror? Like, are we wearing rainbow tie dye leggings in a sequin dress? Every day for five days the same outfit. Right. And so I, it. It was a battle every single morning. Right. And so I just like, lord was like, macy, you're gonna learn that you are not in control. And you have to choose what battles to pick because you have to let your children be themselves. And so that was a really great lesson for me to learn and to kind of let go of, you know, what she is gonna be herself. What she's wearing to daycare is not that big of a deal. At the end of the day, it's not going to change who she is. It's not going to change what kind of adult she is. Right. It's just allowing her to express herself in that way. And so that was just one of example of like, how I have to let Them I have to choose what my battle is going to be. And getting dressed in the morning was not it. Because it was also changing the tone for the end. Or setting the tone. Yeah. The entire day. If we're going to fight in the morning over something so small, what is that gonna do to the rest of her day and to the rest of my day? And so I've just taken that into the rest of parenting now, too. Of. Okay, before I respond, is this a battle that I'm gonna pick?

[A]

It's the hill I'm gonna go.

[C]

Because if it's a battle, I'm gonna pick. I gotta stay strong on it and see it through, be consistent with it. And if it's not, I'm gonna let it go from here.

[A]

So Jet was very tomboyish when she was young. You think as a mom, when you're having a little girl, you're like, oh, y fall, that I'm going to get to dress up every day and I'm going to pick all these cute outfits. And same for my girls. They got very independent and opinionated, very young about what they wanted to wear. And Jet in particular was no pink, no purple, no lace, no skirts, no dresses. Hair in a ponytail. Every single day, the same ponytail. It was just beautiful hair. I'm like, can we braid it? Can we do. I mean, all of these things? And she was just adamant. Shark shirts were like the go to. I mean, it was many, many blue shark shirts in that child's closet. And I think for me, the thing that I had to let go of was some pride.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because it wasn't just about absolutely wanting to play dress up with my child. It was also I wanted to go out in public and they look adorable.

[B]

Not especially twins. Oh, my gosh.

[A]

Should be dressed not alike. But coordinating was having my preference.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And so there was a humility aspect, letting that go and. And saying, you know what? This is not a reflection of me as a mom or anything else. And I'm. I'm. Now I have a daughter in Jet who wears dresses and loves pink and all of the things that eventually transitioned. And she. She still is not the girly, girliest with all of the dressing, but she is. Yeah. And no more shark shirts or anything like that. But I'm glad that I didn't stifle that in her. Yeah. I think that would have been a big mistake. But I wanted to, and I think I did at the beginning. It was a hard. It was a hard thing Gracie went through.

[B]

Maybe it was her either pre it must have been her pre k year where the only shoes she would wear regardless of the season was pink crocs. They were awful. They smelled so bad. They were so ugly.

[A]

I wouldn't pink crocs. For two years she wanted crocs. This child wanted crocs so bad.

[B]

It was a wise decision.

[A]

I. Well, I caved, Michelle, because again, when I say she wanted them like her heart was yearning for these horrible inventions

[B]

of a shoe, I mean.

[A]

And when I finally decided to give them to her for christmas, the joy that she had and I thought, how did I not get the child of croc before now?

[C]

And the joy is all that matters.

[A]

It was like, you're like, oh, man, whatever. I'll probably tell you.

[B]

Does she still wear them?

[A]

Both my girls wear crocs now. I know that's kind of cute.

[C]

Do they feel like socks and stuff?

[A]

Yeah, everything. You don't show. You don't show your dogs. Yeah. Yes, dogs.

[B]

Yes, I get it. I get yes dogs and I get the language confused, but yes, it's the whole thing.

[A]

Yeah. So, okay, what do you think the biggest lesson is you've learned in motherhood or one of the lessons Maybe not the biggest. I think we could probably sit here and talk about lessons we learned in motherhood all day long.

[C]

There's probably two that I have that have stuck out and first is build your tribe so that you have people around you that can support you because if you don't, you are going to feel alone. And I feel like so many moms feel alone in that. And if you're not building your tribe and if you're not willing to be a tribe to somebody else, it's going to be hard to find that tribe. So that. That was a really big one. I didn't have one. I feel like for the first couple years in my motherhood journey and then have since found that probably when Eric was about 2, around 2 years old and it changed the game, I was able to have the support system outside of my family, outside of my parents, outside of my husband. Right. Like, outside of that, I was able to have the people that I could rely on. I could call and be like, can we please go to the park and let the kids play? Yeah. And can we just have a cup of coffee and chat? Right. Like that. That I feel like is so important for those younger moms. So that's a big thing. I learned to lean on each other. And then the second. I feel like so many moms have mom guilt for leaving their kids at Daycare or for bringing in a babysitter or a nanny or something like that. And what I learned really early on, and I'm just so thankful for it, is there are other kids, other adults that are going to be in your kids lives that they need. I'm not the only one that can speak life into them. And so like the Lord is putting other people in our life to speak and to help raise them. And so we just, we had. When Carrie was nine years old, we brought on a babysitter and she picked up Carrie three or three days a week from daycare just because I didn't want her to be there for too long and I couldn't, you know, whatever. So she would pick her up and bring her home so she could have some time at home. And her name is Reagan and she was with us until a little bit, probably 21, 22 time frame. And my kids were in her wedding. She just had her own baby. And my kids now like are so excited to babysit baby Parker. And so it's. Those relationships are so important and I feel like sometimes that can get lost in the guilt of what I need to be. I'm the only person that can speak life. I'm the only one that can have an influence over my child's life. And so that is something that I feel like was a really big lesson for me early on that I'm just so thankful that I learned because now we have incredible people that are part of my kids lives and it's not all on me.

[A]

So good. I remember sitting up in the girl's nursery, eight and a half months pregnant and I will just tell you, my belly was eight and a half months pregnant with twins.

[B]

I mean, you had two of them.

[A]

Yeah. The nursery was all completed and I was sitting up there in the rocking chair and I had worship music playing and I was just crying. It's like, lord, I don't know if I could do this. I thought, are we ready for this? Here we go. I mean, just overwhelmed.

[B]

And

[A]

it was this moment of just knowing they weren't my kids. They were the Lord's kids. They were God's kids that he was giving me as a gift to raise. But at the end of the day, he loves them more than we as moms will ever love them.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

He's got plans and purposes for their life. We're faithful to walk out the in obedience, our role as moms and as dads and all of that. But at the end of the day it's, it's Jesus. He's the one that's going to take them. He's the one that's going to save them. He's the one that's going to be there. And so knowing that moment that, okay, they're really not mine, just borrowing them, they're just a gift. I'm just stewarding a gift that I have for a season. And there's a lot of peace that comes from that. Yeah.

[B]

Remembering that as they go into adulthood is really hard because you do you want to pick up that control again. And especially, you know, now when we can track them everywhere they go and all the things. It's like doing it 2 o' clock in the morning.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Goodbye to home. So. So, yes, remembering that as they go into adulthood and where they really are making their own choices and you can't, you influence it, but you can't control it. Like you can't force them to go to church on Sunday. You can't force them to do these certain things they used to. You could, you know, drag them kicking and screaming too. It's all on them. That is probably the most challenging part in this season of life, actually.

[A]

I know, I could totally see that because I can see that even as my girls get older where they're making more of their own choices. And you know, Tommy and I have always said our job is to raise kids that make great decisions. Yeah. Really. It's not to teach them what decisions to make entirely. It's give em a framework of how you go about. Because we're not gonna be there all the time. Even now we're not with them the majority of the time. Once they start going to school, they're with their friends, they're with their teachers and they're going to have to learn how to make those great choices.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

And it's hard. It's hard to do as a parent.

[B]

Yes, yes. And it gets, it gets a little bit harder.

[A]

I see that. Yeah, I can see that and feel that coming.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Okay. So yesterday, yes, I posted a video and I have to say I had so many responses on this video. I said we were gonna filmed this episode today, a mom's episode of the Upside. And so I asked people to comment on some of the best advice that they have ever gotten as moms. Some of what was posted on there we've kind of talked about already. Asking for help was one of them not buying into mom guilt and releasing. That was one of them. But I'm going to read a couple of these and give a few shout outs we won't have time for all of them. But I just want to talk about a little bit some of these. And there was a lot that said pick your battles. That was a reoccurring one. I think that was funny. I think that was the most commonly duplicated piece of advice because that goes

[B]

from toddlerhood to adulthood.

[A]

Like, pick your battle.

[B]

Yes, Yes.

[C]

I feel like that can go in any relationship, too. True. Yeah. You're seeing it.

[A]

Yes, absolutely.

[C]

With your spouse. Like, is that really a battle you're going to pick today?

[A]

Yes. That's a good point. You can do a marriage episode.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

Okay, so shout out to Kristen, to Hannah, and to Shauna that talked about not comparing yourself with other moms, not comparing your kids to other kids, and really the idea that you know your own child best. Yeah. And to make sure you're parenting that child uniquely, I think you kind of tacked on that a little bit.

[B]

Yeah. Recognizing the differences in each child because they are going to be so similar if they're from the same family.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But they are going to have some differences. And picking up on those and giving them the freedom and opportunity to truly be different. Because, like, you know, for us, there was three of them, so they may have felt that they needed to be like Caitlin because she was the oldest. Luckily, mine were so all type A that none of them followed any kind of rule as far as that goes. But I could see in some families and how that could be. You know, I need to be like this one because she gets, you know, all the awards and all the things. So definitely recognizing those differences in your kids.

[A]

That's so good. Yeah.

[C]

That's so important.

[A]

Mariah said, don't underestimate your kids.

[C]

That one's good.

[A]

I thought that was so good. And I think it's very easy to do, especially when they're young.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Is not giving them enough responsibility or underestimating their potential. I can look back on numerous times I underestimated and really probably put some limiting beliefs on them. You know, there were the first time Jillian tried out for an NTPA theater show, and she had been wanting to do this for a while. And honestly, I'm not gonna lie, I didn't necessarily see a lot of talent just oozing. She wasn't the kind of kid that everything was her stage, necessarily. Yes. And so we kind of. We're involved in sports. You know, I'm like, I'm raising sports girls. We're not doing the theater thing. And she asked and asked and Asked. And finally I'm like, okay. And I prepare. I'm like, jillian, no. This is your first tryout. You're probably gonna get a tree. Are you okay being a tree? Maybe. Didn't say, you're probably gonna get. But, you know, I was. I was setting.

[B]

Setting my bar low. Yes.

[A]

So incredibly low. This ball tries out for Willy Wonka Jr. And gets Charlie the lead. Nice. Her first performance. And I remember sitting there, and I had heard her rehearsing. I was helping her with all her rehearsals, and I thought, okay, this. I can tell she's talented.

[C]

This is good.

[A]

But when I sat there that first night and saw her on stage, I thought, how could I not have known? Yeah. How did I not even see this massive potential? I mean, she just lit up the whole stage on her off night. She was an Oompa Loompa, and she was the best little Oompa Loomp. I mean, she just lit up the entire stage. And I thought, I missed this. As a parent, I totally underestimated her ability. But I think if I had tapped more into the passion. Yeah. Because the passion was there.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Faster. I would have seen the ability.

[B]

But I also think because you're in it, too, you don't recognize it as much, and it wasn't your world. Like, did you grow up in theater at all?

[A]

No. Yeah.

[B]

So, yeah. Who would have known?

[A]

Who would have known? That's right.

[C]

I think it's interesting.

[B]

Right?

[C]

Like, under. You don't want to underestimate them. Do you ever find yourself thinking, well, I mean, I couldn't have done that at that age.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So they probably can't do that.

[B]

Exactly.

[C]

Like, why am I comparing them to me? Because I'm not this. Like, we are completely different. Like, there's similarities.

[A]

So much better than me.

[C]

And I know there's so much.

[A]

My kids are geniuses compared to me.

[B]

My kids are so much more fun than me.

[A]

Oh, my gosh.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So they're so different.

[A]

They're.

[C]

You know, I struggled in school.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I struggled. I have dyslexia, so I struggled with reading. And Carrie will sit down next to me and be like, mom, just let me read that if I'm having a moment or. That's amazing.

[A]

So funny.

[C]

And so it's okay. They. They are so much more capable than I was in certain aspects. And sometimes I underestimate them and forget, oh, it's not me.

[A]

Jetty and I have abilities. Jet and I were driving to her chiropractor appointment, and I can't remember how this Conversation started, but I told her, I said, I'm just so impressed with you because you are just so confident in who you are. Said you're if somebody doesn't like you and both girls are really like this, she's okay with it. She's not gonna lose sleep. She's not gonna be so great destroyed over it. She's willing to stand up at school for what she believes in. She, you know, if something goes wrong with the teacher, it's water off a duck's back. She's really. I said, I. And for me, I was not a confident middle schooler at all. I was afraid of everything. Afraid of being rejected, afraid of being called out, afraid of standing out anything. Just so much fear.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I said, why are you like that? And she goes, because I just like me. And it was them both.

[C]

Girl, that's awesome.

[A]

That's beautiful. I love it.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

And I said, well, you keep loving you because that is.

[B]

That's awesome.

[A]

It was awesome.

[B]

Yeah, that's great.

[A]

It was awesome. Okay. Monica and Tammy, their advice was, remember how to be a wife. Don't neglect the marriage and don't neglect being a wife.

[B]

I mean, that is definitely. That could be another episode, actually. That's huge. That is huge. Like going into, especially for me, going into that empty nester season. That can go two directions.

[A]

It can. And a lot of people divorce after their let's move out of the house.

[B]

As much as I love referrals, it's been a little sad that my last four listing referrals have all been empty nesters getting divorced because they just don't have that connection anymore. And it's sad. So, no, I think that's huge. That's probably the first most important thing that you should do as a parent.

[A]

That's really good. Yeah, that's a great point.

[C]

I can see a difference in my kids when Matt and I are going through a struggling season or we're arguing about things more often or we're just like not on the same page versus, like when we are in complete alignment. You know, there's always going to be those weeks where you're fully aligned and tweaks that you're like, there's some tension.

[A]

Don't work when you get wrong.

[C]

Right.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[C]

You know, in the weeks that we're working together really well. And I can tell the difference in how my kids are showing up. I can tell the difference in how they're behaving, how they're coming home from school, how they're picking up Their rooms. Right. It is just less stressful for them.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

When mom and dad are good.

[A]

I've seen no difference in how Jillian picks up her room based on.

[B]

That's fair. That's fair. Yeah. What I will say, though, is I also think it's good for you to have the. To a certain extent, to have those confrontations and arguments publicly at home. Publicly. Not publicly.

[A]

At home.

[B]

Publicly.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because they can see that. They can see that conflict happens, and we resolve conflict and we move on. So. Yeah, I think that's important, too. And I gave up trying to hide conflict with Alan years ago.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Well.

[C]

And I think there's a. There's a point where there's some things you don't talk about in front of the kids.

[A]

Sure.

[C]

There's a point in your debate or your argument that you just wait and take it. Like, sometimes when we're talking about the kids and we're kind of debating or, like, disagreeing on how we should handle it, I'm like, let's go in the other room.

[B]

No, that's gonna. Please. They will have an opinion.

[C]

Yeah, let's.

[A]

Let's table this until after they go to bed.

[C]

But a lot of times it's really nice for them to hear it and then for us to get through it and hug and make up, and they say, oh, okay. Mom and dad are good. Says he, you know, not a bad.

[A]

Well, and I. You know, one of the decisions that Tommy and I made at the beginning, and we're not always perfect at this, but we're never gonna. We're never gonna. What's the word I'm looking for? Not just disagree, but undermine.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

If one is disciplining or one feels one way. I mean, there are times that we will disagree with how the other is handling it. And you can't let the kids see that. Split in the armor, if you will. Yes. And learning how to navigate through that, because they will then start to pitch you against each other. And you have to be really careful that you're honoring your spouse in front of your.

[B]

And at times, I'm the stricter disciplinarian. So it was always, let's get dad first.

[C]

I always heard a really good phrase of. It is always, mom and dad are always on the same team. And it's mom and dad and the kids. It's never mom and me or dad. It is mom and dad and then the kids. We're one family, but there are two different teams, and that makes sense. If you don't agree, figure out how to agree in front of the kids.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

About the kids.

[B]

And we would have situations where I would not necessarily approve of something, like something. Agree with something. But maybe I didn't want to draw my foot in the sand on it. And I would say, maybe talk to your dad about that. But I would always give him a heads up, like, I can't make my mind up on this, so I'm going to have them talk to you about it. So make your own decision. And I'm fine with it.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So that's good.

[A]

Okay. Allison said, just say you're sorry to your kids. When you mess up with your kids or you blow it or you handle it wrong or you get snappy or snarky. To be willing to humble yourself and say you're sorry to your kids.

[B]

Absolutely.

[C]

Yeah. I feel like I can sorry almost every day because it's. If I expect that from them, if I expect remorse and repentance, then I have to show them what remorse and repentance looks like.

[A]

So the girls and I were driving. I think Tommy was in the car, too. We were driving somewhere, and I. I was just kind of joking around, you know. Well, girls, you know, you can just add that to your therapy list. And. And Jen goes, oh, I know what's on my therapy list. And I said, wait a minute.

[C]

If it does.

[A]

What's that?

[C]

Is it the croc.

[A]

It's not the cross. All of that. But also, the child has a memory that's probably in a journal somewhere. Know her.

[B]

She.

[A]

She's very sentimental. Jett is a. I mean, she's a feeler. Yeah, it's. She's got all the feels. Jillian. Jillian's like, whatever, you know?

[C]

Good.

[A]

So we had been at Disney World, and the child had asked for a Star wars lightsaber that costs like $100 million.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

No, it was. I was like, that is stupid. You don't need that. This is like a waste of money. You had to go stand in line for it. It was going to be a whole thing, and we have one. We would have to get it home.

[B]

I think Alan wanted it.

[A]

So I said to her, okay, we'll.

[B]

We'll.

[A]

We'll see and come back tomorrow. So then she asked me the next day, and I said no. And I don't remember exactly what my phrase was, but instead of just, if I wanted to tell her no, I should have told her no. Yeah. I didn't want to put my foot down and be the bad guy in that moment. So I told her some wishy washy Maybe we'll see. Type answer. And that kid thought about it all night long. And apparently for, like, the next four years.

[B]

No.

[A]

And that's why it's on the therapy list. Yeah. And when she told me that. So I had. You know, I had two responses. Was legitimately, honey, I'm so sorry that that happened. But also, it's time to move on.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We're not gonna actually have a therapy list over this. Let's move on. You know, we can make the story whatever we want to make it.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

We're not gonna. I'm not gonna let you be a victim for the rest of your life. Right. I didn't get you a lightsaber.

[B]

Over a lightsaber.

[A]

But it's funny, those moments like that that you go, oh, that was probably not the best. Yeah, I could do better. Next time, let my yes, BS and my nobody.

[C]

That's some of the best parenting advice. Yeah. Your yes, BS and your no. You know, that's good.

[B]

That's very good. That might be biblical.

[A]

I think it is. Yeah.

[C]

So good.

[A]

I feel like I heard that. My pastor said it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Maybe recently. Okay, so this is another one I liked. And then we're about to wrap it up. But Mila said, don't rescue your kids.

[B]

I didn't see that one. I saw that one.

[C]

That's horrible.

[A]

This one I'm struggling with in the middle school years.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There's a tension between advocating for them and helping them with things they don't have the ability to fight them for themselves.

[B]

But, yes.

[A]

Letting them experience hard things. Letting them experience some challenge. Yeah. Not taking them out of every situation. That's hard or unjust even. Yes. It's a really interesting dance, and I didn't feel it as much in elementary school, at least with my kids. I just. We had a good environment at school, and with teachers, it just didn't come up. Middle school has been a little bit of a different story. Yeah. And I. I do think, though, because I think my girls, they live a pretty good life. There's not a lot happening in their world that is truly traumatic or hard, and life is gonna deal it to them at some point. So I can't insulate them from the hurt of friends rejecting them. I can't insulate them from every teacher that doesn't like them or is unfair to them in class. But yet having to. But yet advocating when it's a person. It's such an interesting tension. It is.

[B]

It is. And I think back to, you know, when we were Kids, there was no social media. Yeah, you're probably the very beginning of social media, and anything you said or did or whatever, like, you could do, we could make all kinds of mistakes and nobody would ever know about it. But now you do anything and it's on your track record forever. And, like, luckily we didn't have to deal with this. But, like, going through high school, if you post something you shouldn't post, well, now that could keep you from getting into college. And that doesn't seem fair. Like, so it's things like that where I'm like, oh, I don't know about that, if I agree with that 100%. But, yes, I do believe in letting them make their own mistakes and suffer the consequences of their choices. But advocating for them, I think that's a different situation. I know we've had some examples in the last couple years where you've had to do that, and I think rightly so, for sure.

[A]

Yeah. We had a situation with one teacher in particular, and I've never been. The email to the principal, mom, I mean, we're just gonna. I'm gonna go with the flow. I'm not gonna be here to make ruffles or whatever. And I did feel like I had to advocate for her and make a change, and it was the right decision in that moment. But then there's other teachers that. They're going to have to figure that out on their own. They're going to have to deal with it. It's maybe not ideal and great. It's not perfect. Could be better. And yet they'd have to just, you know, suck it up. Suck it up. Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Not every teacher is going to think you're the greatest, so that's hard. That's hard.

[A]

Everybody should think they're the greatest.

[B]

I know.

[C]

Okay, me too.

[A]

All right, so what do you think the biggest upside of being a mom right now in 2026 is for you?

[B]

Oh, my gosh. I have adult kids. And no one tells you how much fun like, that young adult phase is because, so none of mine are dating. Like, so there's, you know, they're. They have friends, and they all have great friend groups. And so I get to go to New York, I get to go to Seattle, I get to go to Indiana, and they all have these great friend groups that I get to hang out with, and I love it. No one tells you how much fun it is to have that. That age group of kids. It's the best. Was not expecting that.

[A]

Well, you obviously did something right because your Kids want to hang out with you.

[B]

That's true. I am. Alan.

[C]

I, I definitely think upside for the season that I am in right now is it is so fun to be together as a family. Whether we have kids that are coming over and we have a house full of kids hanging out from the neighborhood, we're going to the park or we're going on vacation or we're just going dinner, like cooking dinner at home. It is fun to do it with them right now. They want to be involved, they want to have conversations. And sometimes, yes, it can be exhausting. But like it is. We're just at a really fun, really fun stage. They're doing things, they're helping out and they are hilarious. So that makes it really fun.

[A]

Love that it's fun. I think I would just say to any mom that whatever hard season you're in, it will shift. Yeah. I look back at the times that I thought these girls are never gonna sleep through the night. They're. I remember one time I looked at Tommy and I don't even remember which girl it was right now. So this is the great, the crazy thing about twins and maybe you don't have this.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't remember who's who. Yeah. I go to the office or the doctor and they ask, you know, has she ever broken? I'm like, I don't know which one it was. One of them. I don't know. I can't remember. But I looked at Tommy and I'm like, she's a psychopath. I pretty sure this child is a legitimate psychopath. She's not. So none of my worrying fears, yes, none of my worst fears came true. But so many things that I worried about that I was exhausted by that I didn't know, is this ever going to get better? It does. It shifts and changes. And I think, Michelle, you said this at the very beginning and that is, it just keeps getting better. And I think so many moms, we hear the advice all the time. It goes so fast, but it creates this scarcity feeling of like, I've got to hang on because all this good is going to go away. As opposed to being abundant minded and saying, I'm going to love the moment I'm in and I'm going to look back at all the memories with so much fondness. And honestly, all the hard times, they, they diminish when you look at the past. But I'm going to look forward to the future. I'm going to love the moment I'm in. I'm going to Just find all of the good, all of the upside, whether they're littles, whether they're in the middle, whether they're teens or adults. I'm going to find all of the upside in that. And then I'm going to be excited about the next season because there's going to be all kinds of amazing things.

[B]

So true in that next. So true.

[C]

We've been telling ourselves the best days are here and now, but better days are to come. Like it is. It's going to get better because we have to. Because even in hard seasons, we have to know that. We have to see the good.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

We have to see who's going to good in every season.

[B]

Absolutely.

[C]

Knowing that so much better is to come.

[A]

Yeah. I love that. Okay, so Michelle, tell everybody who's. So if you're watching on YouTube, you may have noticed Michelle has a beautiful necklace. Yes. Sweet. And so I think this is so neat. So tell everybody if they're listening, you don't have to see it. You can go to YouTube to take. Take a view of Michelle. But tell everybody about this gorgeous necklace that you have on.

[B]

So this was actually a necklace that my daughter made me for Mother's Day. She's 25 or 26 now, and she made this for me in the fifth grade. And, you know, most of the things that, you know, they bring us as moms are not always so fantastic. But I've held on to this and I still wear it. And she laughs at me, but I get compliments every time I wear it. I absolutely love it. It's very anthropology esque.

[A]

It is, it is. I thought it was handcrafted. Yes. Africa and Judah Noonday. Yes.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

It looks like a Noonday piece because it's handmade. It's beautiful.

[B]

It is a. Michaels went to this piece. Absolutely. Absolutely. But I just think it's fun that I have something like this and I get to still wear it.

[A]

Okay. So I love it. Again without you listening and not watching. And on YouTube, I have three champagne glasses.

[B]

She does.

[A]

And a bottle of champagne. And so we're gonna. We're gonna pour a glass. We're gonna toast to all of the moms.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Now I'm doing this and I feel very carefully out.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I did. Very careful. Bottle of wine.

[B]

We were nervous. Yeah.

[A]

We thought that could make for good t. Absolute disaster.

[B]

It could have gone either direction.

[A]

Yeah. So, okay. These are really. Can you imagine, like camera. I did. It was perfect.

[C]

It was.

[B]

It was so. I know, I know. But then it would have been just the opposite.

[A]

So, yeah, go figure. It's okay. Not everything's made for tv.

[B]

This is true.

[A]

Okay, so we're gonna do a toast.

[B]

Love it. To all the mom.

[A]

To all the moms. To our moms.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I want to give a tribute and a thank you to my mom. You both have amazing.

[B]

We have amazing moms. Yes.

[A]

And to all the moms listening. Happy Mother's. Enjoy the season. You're in.

[B]

Happy Mother's Day.

[A]

Happy Mother's Day. Cheers.

[C]

Cheers.

[A]

And that is another episode of the Upside podcast. Thank you for listening. Go to teresaflood.com be sure to subscribe. Happy Mother's Day, ladies, and we will see you on the outside.