B (4:34)

And so people know we're in Los Angeles. So a drive across town is not necessarily an easy thing to do. Thank you. Because I was going to ask, what is your purpose? And hearing that example, I think really helps. I have, based on interviewing lots of people to talk about things like purpose, I've really tried to reflect on mine, which is really to help people hone and develop their communication skills. And like you, when an opportunity comes, I ask myself, will this help with that purpose? However, like many people, I struggle with time management and balancing what I have to do with what I'd like to do with what I'd prefer to do. What are some of the key time management strategies you recommend individuals can use to maximize doing what they want to do versus what they feel they have to do?

A (5:19)

Yeah, and it's a really important question because we all struggle with time management. We only have 24 hours in the day. How do you allocate it in ways that are fulfilling and that you don't feel that burnout from just filling your time with things that you want to do? There are several steps, and I think the most important is and it's sort of around this idea of time blocking. But how do you do that? What are you blocking time for and in what ways? The first step, which is so important is carving out and protecting time for those activities that bring joy, for those activities that do fulfill more directly your purpose. Activities that end up being joyful because you have that absolute satisfaction, sense of fulfillment from spending time in that way. The problem is it's so easy to move through our weeks without spending time on even the work tasks that are truly, that truly matter to fulfill your purpose. It's much easier to respond to emails, to show up to meetings that aren't necessarily worthwhile. And it is so easy to move through our weeks without having protected time for those activities that bring joy. And sometimes that can be within your professional sphere. Very often it is outside of the professional sphere. And so we can talk about how do you identify those activities that bring joy? Once you identify what those are, putting them into your calendar, blocking the time for it. So not only do you protect the time for it, but when you're spending that time, you can be fully immersed and get the most out of that time.

B (7:06)

So it sounds like several things. One is you have to identify the tasks that bring you joy and that are in alignment with your purpose. And I'd love to get some insight into how to figure out what those activities are. Once we do that, we have to then figure out what is the best time for us to be doing that. And then we actually block time on the calendar. And what I heard you say is a block on the calendar also means disconnecting from some of the things that distract you, like your phone and like your email. How do we tell what those activities are? Some I can clearly understand, but I might not know, you know, or something might come up that could really help me with my purpose, but might take a lot of time and mean I have to make trade offs.

A (7:50)

Absolutely. So one is that purpose filter, which we already covered. Another is it sounds so tedious and so of course, but it is very helpful. And that is time tracking. And this is something that I have my students do. And it's something that folks are like surprises come out of it and really insights come out of it in terms of sources of fulfillment and joy. So what time tracking is, is over the course of a week, writing down for each half hour what you're doing and being much more specific than work and like time with family, but within your workday, what is the work activity? What is the work task as importantly as writing down what the activity is, is as you're coming out of that activity rating on a 10 point scale, how do you feel? How positive, satisfying, fulfilling versus not. And while it is tedious to track your time and how you're feeling coming out of the activity, it is so helpful because at the end of the week you have this fantastic personalized data set that you can look across your week and be like, okay, what are those activities that got my highest ratings? As helpfully is, what are some commonalities across those activities that get your highest ratings so you can pull out? For instance, it's not oftentimes like work versus not really. It is, is it an activity that really gave you a sense of connection? Or for some people it's like it's really about being outside in nature or it is about making progress on something that really matters to you. And you can also see not just what are those activities that produce the most satisfaction and the least amount of satisfaction. You can see just how much time you're spending on these various activities, which can also be quite revealing of like, holy cow, I had no idea I spent that much time. For me, it's always like email, right? I'm like, so much time on email, is that worthwhile? But then going back to what we were talking about before, purpose, right? For me, I identified I am not happy when I'm spending time on email, which I saw in my own ratings. But recognizing that some of those emails are with research collaborators and that actually is about creating knowledge about what makes people happy. Some of those emails are with my students, that's about disseminating knowledge about what makes people happy. So having identified your purpose is not only helpful in filtering what activities you spend your time on, but for those activities that aren't necessarily so fun, they become more enjoyable, they feel more worthwhile because you can see how they outline or contribute to your purpose. Those other emails that do none of those things are absolutely I identify for me as a waste of time. My students often find that they had no idea they spent that much time on social media. They had no idea that they spent that much time watching tv. And here are folks who feel like they have no time to do all the things that really matter. And the clarity that comes out of the time tracking helps them realize, like, actually I do have available time if I capture it from those activities that aren't necessary and don't bring satisfaction. And then you can reallocate it and protect time for those activities that really do matter.

B (11:29)

I think this notion of a time Audit is fantastic. I learned it from your book I Did it. And email is the bane of my existence, too. It is a way I love connecting with people. I love interacting and learning from people through email. But I found not only how much time I was spending doing it, which was a lot, but I noticed patterns of how I was doing it throughout the day. And what I have put into practice, and I thank you for this, is I now consolidate when I do it. So it's not all throughout the day, it's twice a day. And I prioritize the ones that I respond to based on my purpose. So there is still a chunk of time where I'm dedicating things to doing email that aren't bringing me pleasure, but it's much more concentrated. And I noticed that there isn't this emotional inertia that I was carrying throughout the day of just this dread of, oh, I'm falling behind on my emails and I have to respond to that. So I personally thank you. And for anybody listening, doing a time on it, while tedious, it was. It was very insightful.

A (12:27)

Yeah. And you were using yet another strategy when you talked about time management and time blocking. It is. There's also value in consolidating the activities that you don't enjoy doing so that you don't have that dread so that it's not always carrying over. And we're most sensitive to our experience in an activity at the beginning. So it's like by spreading it out, there's more beginnings that are quite painful, whereas when you spread out the good stuff, it gives you an opportunity. Opportunity to look forward to something coming up. So I love that, that consolidation of the chore, like activities into a time of the day. For me, I actually save it to the end of the day when I don't have a lot of energy. And it's like, okay, this is the time I'm doing it, and I just sort of move through it. It doesn't pervade all the other activities because I know that I've protected time for that.

B (13:21)

A lot of this podcast is therapy for me. I learned from Katie Milkman this notion of temptation bundling, where I allow myself a little treat, and that treat comes at the end, the email block, so there's something to look forward to. I love that there are techniques to help us be more efficient and more focused on our purpose. And thank you for sharing some of those. I know that relationships with others can also help us focus and feel happier. Do you have specific advice and guidance, especially when it Comes to communication with others that can help us bolster our happiness and fulfillment.

A (13:54)

Such an important question. Because that sense of connection, belonging, those relationships are the necessary biggest contributor to our satisfaction in life. And also in the time tracking, you will see that your happiest times will often be those that feel most connecting and that can look different. Some people, their connection comes from one on one conversations and some it's being in big groups. But the time tracking can help you identify those activities that really make you feel connected. Now, in terms of communication, how do we really foster and cultivate those relationships that are so important? Protecting that time when you are with someone else, as carving it out and protecting it for just that, being with that other person. So it's really about presence. And with that presence, that time where you have removed distractions, distractions either from your phone or even in your head of like thinking about what's next as opposed to just being here in the moment. And that presence allows you to listen better. It allows you to show up better and be more authentic. That's where you get that true connection that then fosters that relationship and cultivates it.

B (15:17)

So looking for connection, making sure that you're present and communicating in a way to demonstrate that and seek that out. Yeah, very important. Before we end, I like to ask three questions of everyone. The first question I make up just for you. And the other two I've been asking for years. Are you up for that?

A (15:32)

Sure.

B (15:33)

So I am curious. You are, in demeanor, a very happy and very affable person. How do you maintain your level of happiness given circumstances? I know you have two children and life happens. How do you manage that? I mean, I feel stress. My wife and I love to walk with each other and it's a really great connecting time every day. But I feel stressed about scheduling time to make sure I can walk. I mean, so how do you manage those stresses so you can fulfill the happy perspective you have?

A (16:03)

I mean, the research shows that part of our happiness is disposition. So I'm lucky enough to have a naturally positive disposition. But there are these other circumstances that come into play. Absolutely. Bad things happen in all of our lives, including mine. And then there are also those day to day stressors. Honestly, it's actually using the tools through my research as well as others of identifying what are those ways of spending time that produce the greatest satisfaction? How do we approach the time that we spend mentally to make the most of it. And then so when I am feeling a little crummy, I can activate that. It helps offset the stress, because I am carving out time for the things that matter. And when I'm spending the time, I'm absolutely engaged in it. So when the busyness of our lives or when my daughter this morning on the third day of school was like, mom, I haven't seen you all week. And that makes me sad and feel guilty because I was rushing to get here instead of to school, someone else got her to school, don't worry. But it is telling her, as well as telling myself that, okay, we're going to carve out and we're going to have our date later tonight so that we have that really dedicated time to get that connection that we both crave. And again, my phone is away. All the other stresses of things I have to do, I am not thinking about because that is time to show up and connect with my daughter. When it comes to time and happiness, it's not about how much time you spend on any given activity. It's really about how you spend that time to have it have its big effect on your satisfaction, on your sources of fulfillment, and on those relationships that are so important for both satisfaction and fulfillment.

B (18:04)

I want to put an exclamation point to what you just said for. For myself and for others that it's not the amount of time you spend, but it's the quality of the time. I certainly did not mean to bring disharmony or unhapp with your daughter. But the lesson there is that if we step back a moment when we're feeling that stress or discomfort or not being as happy as we could, to remind ourselves that we have a plan to get things back in balance.

A (18:28)

Yeah.

B (18:28)

So question number two. Who is a communicator that you admire and why?

A (18:33)

Michelle Obama.

B (18:34)

Excellent.

A (18:35)

She does an incredible job of sharing her perspective, sharing her experience, and sharing herself that authenticity. By showing up in such a genuine way, it allows those of us who may not share the same experience, but absolutely gain her perspective and feel that sense of connection and inspiration.

B (19:02)

She is clearly a very good and effective communicator for the reasons you talked about. Very authentic, very connecting. You feel like you really know her and her position. Speaking of skills for communicators, question number three. What are the first three ingredients that go into a successful communication recipe?

A (19:23)

Presence, being there in that time, wholly and fully listening and showing up authentically.

B (19:33)

Okay, so presence, listening, and authenticity. Those make complete sense, and they make a lot of sense, given what you know and what you study, that those are the things that really make the moments that we're happiest I think. Special thank you Cassie so much for coming in, braving the traffic and the potential family disharmony. Thank you.

A (19:54)

Thanks so much for having me.

B (19:57)

Thank you for joining us for one of our Think Fast, Talk Smart, Communication, Happiness and well Being miniseries episodes. To continue to learn more about this important topic, please tune in to our other three episodes in this series. This episode was produced by Jenny Luna, Ryan Campos, H Ash and me, Matt Abrahams. Our music is from Floyd Wonder with thanks to Podium podcast company and our sponsor BetterHelp. We recorded this episode at the Spotify Studios in Los Angeles and we are grateful for the help of Hayley Muse and Travis Morningstar. Please find us on YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts. Be sure to subscribe and rate us. Also follow us on LinkedIn and Instagram and check out fastersmarterio for deep dive videos, English language learning content and our newsletter. Please consider our Premium offering for Extended deep thinks episodes, AMAs, Ask Matt anything and much more at Fastersmarter IO premium. Hi Matt here. I'd like you to consider becoming part of our thinkfast Talk Smart Premium. Premium affords you lots of opportunities to get Extended Deep Things episodes, coaching through Ask Matt Anythings and access to a global community of people looking to hone and develop their communication and careers. Many people around the globe have already joined Premium. Special thanks to our ambassadors who've donated extra money to the cause. Please check out Fastersmarter I.O. premium. We look forward to seeing you there.