Podcast Summary: Think Fast Talk Smart – "Belief It or Not: How to Rewrite the Narratives That Hold You Back"

Host: Matt Abrahams
Guest: Muriel Wilkins (Executive Coach, Author, Host of HBR’s "Coaching Real Leaders", Author of "Leadership Unblocked")
Release Date: November 4, 2025
Episode #: 240

Overview

This episode centers on the hidden beliefs and internal narratives that hold leaders—and all professionals—back from their potential. Host Matt Abrahams sits down with Muriel Wilkins to explore why these mental barriers persist, how to identify them, and, crucially, actionable strategies for “unblocking” them. Together, they dissect the mindsets that drive (and sometimes sabotage) leaders, provide a step-by-step process for change, and discuss the power of reframing your internal stories for greater success, productivity, and well-being.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Most Common Limiting Beliefs in Leaders

[02:18–04:44]

• Muriel shares the 7 most frequent self-limiting beliefs she encounters in coaching:
  • I need to be involved
  • I need it done now
  • I know I’m right
  • I can’t make a mistake
  • If I can do it, so can you
  • I can’t say no
  • I don’t belong here

“Nine times out of ten, if there is frustration that you’re feeling or something is getting in the way of you being able to lead effectively... many times [the culprit] might end up being one of these beliefs... that may not be helping you in the situation that you’re in.”
—Muriel Wilkins [02:27]

• Individuality factor: While these are common, Muriel emphasizes that beliefs are always unique to each person.

2. Tying Beliefs to Our Definition of Success

[04:21–05:07]

• Many limiting beliefs are rooted in our personal definitions of success, which may be outdated or imposed by others (mentors, culture, early career).
• Revisiting and potentially redefining what success looks like now is critical to evolving past old beliefs.

“Does that belief, that driving principle, still serve you in terms of the new definition of success?”
—Muriel Wilkins [04:21]

3. The Three-Stage "Unblocking" Process

[05:07–08:39]

Muriel outlines a practical sequence for rewriting limiting narratives:

1. Uncover: Notice dissonances between desired and actual outcomes; identify the underlying belief.
   • “A belief is a story that you tell yourself.”
2. Unpack: Explore the belief’s origin—how has it served you? Is it still serving your current goals?
3. Unblock: Reframe the belief—consciously change your internal narrative or mantra to support present goals, then align your actions.

“It boils down to the stories we tell ourselves, those beliefs, and then questioning that and then changing that narrative.”
—Matt Abrahams [07:57]

4. Healthy vs Toxic Productivity

[09:13–11:56]

• Toxic productivity: Getting things done at any cost; driven by urgency and the “I need it done now” mindset.
• Healthy productivity: Prioritizes doing what truly matters within your constraints (“I’ll do the best that I can with the time that I have”).

“Toxic productivity is getting things done at any cost... Healthy productivity is more about doing things and focusing on things that matter.”
—Muriel Wilkins [09:48]

• The importance of distinguishing urgency from importance, and the risks when everything feels “urgent.”

5. The Impact of Mindset Reframing

[11:56–15:25]

• Muriel highlights research by Alia Crum (hotel attendants study), which demonstrated that simply reframing the meaning of one’s work led to measurable health improvements.
• By changing not just what we do, but how we think about what we do, we alter both outcomes and experiences—creating more ease in leadership and life.

“It’s not just about what we do, but it’s about what we think about what we do that makes all the difference.”
—Muriel Wilkins [13:26]

• Matt shares a personal anecdote: reframing grading (once dreaded) as another form of teaching made the experience more enjoyable and meaningful.

6. Reverse Engineering Success and Mindset

[15:25–16:57]

• Muriel describes her process:
  • Start with your desired outcome.
  • Map backward: What actions are required? How do you need to feel to take them? What beliefs will support those feelings and actions?
  • Identify and realign beliefs if misalignment is found.

“There needs to be alignment between how I think, how I feel, and how I act in order to achieve a particular outcome.”
—Muriel Wilkins [16:34]

7. Coaching Session: Emotional Investment and Boundaries

[17:40–21:22]

• Matt seeks advice on balancing his passion for helping others with personal exhaustion from overinvestment.
• Through questioning, Muriel helps Matt recognize that his belief that “commitment means 110% all the time” might no longer serve him.
• Suggestions include externally validating what “good enough” looks like to others and redefining internal standards for success.

“What might be good enough for others might not be the way that you’re defining good enough for you... Getting that outside metric to really help reformulate your definition of success... will drive how you’re prioritizing, creating boundaries, and all of the other things.”
—Muriel Wilkins [20:39]

Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• “Every time I would finish a chapter [writing about beliefs], I’d be like, ‘Oh my God, damn it. I have this one too!’” —Muriel Wilkins [03:49]
• “I have a new mantra: I’m going to do the best that I can with the time that I have.” —Matt Abrahams [11:24]
• “Reframing can really change the way in which you interact.” —Matt Abrahams [14:33]
• “If there’s not a purpose, you should be asking yourself whether you should be communicating at all.” —Muriel Wilkins [26:19]
• “It’s not just about what you do, but what you think about what you do.” —Muriel Wilkins [26:44]

Key Timestamps and Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | |------------|----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 02:18–04:44| The 7 most common limiting beliefs in leaders | | 05:07–08:39| Three-step process: uncover, unpack, unblock | | 09:13–11:56| Healthy vs toxic productivity, new productivity mantra | | 11:56–15:25| The power of mindset reframing; Alia Crum study; grading as teaching example | | 15:25–16:57| How to reverse engineer your internal state for desired results | | 17:40–21:22| Muriel coaches Matt on setting boundaries and healthy emotional investment | | 23:37–27:12| Lightning round: Muriel’s personal limiting belief, admired communicators, communication “recipe”|

Lightning Round Highlights

[23:37–27:12]

• Biggest belief Muriel struggles with: “I need to be involved… if I’m not, everything’s going to fall apart.”
• Communicator Muriel admires: Dr. Gabor Maté, for clarity and authenticity.
• Essential ingredients for effective communication (Muriel’s “recipe”):
  1. Start with the why
  2. Decide the how
  3. Reframe your internal belief about the message for authenticity and impact

Conclusion

This insightful episode provides both a diagnostic framework and practical tools for anyone seeking to identify and move beyond the mental narratives and beliefs that limit their effectiveness. Muriel Wilkins’ blend of personal candor, research-backed advice, and actionable strategies makes this a must-listen for leaders and communicators at any stage.