Podcast Summary

Think Fast, Talk Smart: Communication Techniques

Episode 251: How to Stop Performing and Start Communicating with Presence
Host: Matt Abrahams | Guest: Dr. Kate Mason
Release Date: December 23, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode dives into the crucial distinction between performance and presence in workplace communication. Host Matt Abrahams interviews Dr. Kate Mason—world champion debater, executive communication coach, and author of Powerfully Likable—on how to move beyond “just being confident” and instead communicate authentically and effectively. Dr. Mason shares strategies for overcoming habits like imposing and imposter syndromes, balancing likability with authority, and bringing your genuine self forward to create meaningful connections at work.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Problem with "Just Be Confident" (02:33–05:15)

• Unhelpful Advice: Telling someone to “be confident” is outcome-focused, not actionable. It places people in their heads, leading to self-surveillance and detracts from genuine communication.
  • “It’s a little bit like telling someone just be healthier or win a gold medal... the process is so different for all of us.” — Dr. Kate Mason [02:58]
• Reframing Confidence: Instead of focusing on confidence, attend to the moment—connect, listen, and be of service. This naturally results in “looking” confident.
• Authenticity Over Performance: Reduce the gap (delta) between your real self and your corporate persona. Communication is most powerful and least exhausting when it aligns with who you are.
  • “If we can bring that closer to actually who we are and work out what are the things we already have at our disposal... that’s where excellent communication can come from.” — Kate Mason [04:08]

2. Imposing Syndrome vs. Imposter Syndrome (05:27–10:16)

• Imposing Syndrome: The tendency to minimize asks for others’ time/resources, using hedges like “it’ll just take two seconds.” This behavior diminishes both the request and your own value.
  • “We’re so reluctant to cause a fuss or to ruffle feathers... that before we’ve even actually got to the ask, [we’ve] kind of taken our legs out from under us.” — Kate Mason [06:20]
• Habitual Hedging: Be aware of situations (power imbalance, feeling junior, new topics) where you shrink or hedge.
• Strategies for Awareness: Reflect after meetings on moments you felt strong and others where you shrank. Patterns reveal areas for growth or acceptance.
  • “Mapping the terrain... to then decide, are those things serving me?” — Kate Mason [07:57]
• Imposter Syndrome: Most people with it are not actually imposters—they’re aware and striving. Recognize that feelings of not belonging are normal, and often institutions also need to do more to welcome new voices.
  • “All of the wrong people have [imposter syndrome]... If I am self aware enough that I am experiencing this feeling, I’m probably doing a great job.” — Kate Mason [09:13]

3. Assertive vs. Agreeable: Breaking the False Binary (10:54–14:50)

• Beyond Either/Or: Dr. Mason challenges the false binary common in leadership—being “powerful (no friends)” vs. “likable (no authority),” especially for women.
  • “It didn’t seem accurate and it also didn’t seem particularly fair... I think about those two things as not ends of a binary, but as actual partners or neighbors.” — Kate Mason [11:11]
• Counterintuitive Combinations: Encourage leaders to embrace blended descriptors like “competitively calm” or “powerfully likable.” Find what unique mix embodies your strengths and values.
  • “What interesting, counterintuitive things might you identify with, and what leadership style... can we bring out of that?” — Kate Mason [12:03]
• Practical Exercise: Identify and “summon” those blended traits (e.g., “communal curiosity”) into communications—emails, meetings, etc., to reduce performativity and increase authenticity.
• Be Your Own Prompt Engineer:
  • “Be a better prompt engineer of your own self.” — Kate Mason [14:46]
  • Give yourself permission to communicate from your unique blend rather than defaulting to external expectations.

4. The Power of How—Nonverbal and Structural Strategies (15:02–19:47)

• Natural Presence: Don’t try to “be warmer” if that’s unnatural; instead, own and communicate your style, giving context to others.
  • “I’m not going to help you be more warm if that’s not what’s coming naturally to you. What I’m going to help you is work out the thing you’re already doing.” — Kate Mason [16:06]
• Calling It Out: If you tend to be blunt or action-oriented, acknowledge it upfront to your audience. This builds understanding and credibility.
  • “Let’s call it out... Suddenly she’s given both self-permission to do what she was going to do, but she’s also opened a doorway for her interlocutors to feel like, oh, thank goodness...” — Kate Mason [17:05]
• Physical Openness: Avoid defensive postures like crossed arms; open body language signals connection. Small shifts in gesture placement make a big difference.
• Self-Awareness Signals Connection: Brief preambles/previews (“tour guide” approach) can make interactions smoother and help others relax.

5. Lessons from Executive Communication (19:47–22:01)

• Repetition is Key: Don’t reinvent the wheel—people need to hear the same message multiple times across different formats for it to stick.
  • “Repetition never spoils the prayer.” — Quoted by Kate Mason from a former VP [19:53]
  • Focus on a few key themes, repeat them consistently, and present with renewed enthusiasm each time.
  • “The real skill set is to look excited about it and like it’s the first time you’ve ever said it every time you say it.” — Kate Mason [21:33]
• Intellectual Humility: It’s not about showcasing knowledge but serving education, clarity, and alignment within the organization.

6. Rapid-Fire Questions & Practical Takeaways (23:19–26:25)

a. One Practical Tool? (23:26–24:26)

• Avoid over-preparing: Try doing 5% less preparation for meetings or presentations. Often, less rehearsal increases agility and presence.
  • “I see a real difference between adequate preparation and over-preparation. The dangers of that are so many because we get mired to the thing we’ve done and we’re not as creative...” — Kate Mason [23:39]

b. Communicator You Admire? (24:46–25:14)

• Michelle Obama—admired for her ability to blend warmth, authority, and authenticity across diverse situations.

c. Three Ingredients for Communication Success? (25:31–26:25)

• Rapport building, great listening, humility (being able to course correct when wrong).

d. Quick Rapport Tip? (26:09–26:25)

• Use personal anecdotes, light jokes, or any genuine point of connection to take pressure off and ground the conversation.

Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• “No one ever says, thanks so much for that confident meeting. They say, thanks so much for your ideas, for the brainstorm, for listening.” — Kate Mason [05:15]
• “Imposing syndrome... we’re so reluctant to cause a fuss... that we’ve kind of taken our legs out from under us.” — Kate Mason [06:20]
• “If I am self aware enough that I am experiencing this feeling, I’m probably doing a great job.” — Kate Mason [09:13]
• “Be a better prompt engineer of your own self.” — Kate Mason [14:46]
• “Repetition never spoils the prayer.” — Kate Mason quoting a former VP [19:53]
• “Good enough is great. When you give yourself permission to be more present, not over-rehearsed, there’s an aliveness and a focus that comes.” — Matt Abrahams [24:26]
• “Rapport building as number one, great listening as number two, and humility as number three.” — Kate Mason [25:31]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 02:33 – 05:15: Deconstructing the “be confident” advice
• 05:27 – 10:16: Imposing syndrome and imposter syndrome
• 10:54 – 15:02: Balancing agreeableness and assertiveness; blending attributes
• 15:02 – 19:47: Nonverbal presence; communicating style authentically
• 19:47 – 22:01: Lessons from internal executive communication
• 23:19 – 26:25: Practical tips, communicator role models, three-ingredient “recipe” for success

Final Thoughts

Dr. Kate Mason’s insights equip listeners to be less performative and more present in their work communication. Through small mindset and behavior shifts—owning your style, reflecting on patterns, blending strengths, embracing repetition, and practicing humility—you can achieve effective, connecting, and authentic communication.