Episode Overview

Episode Title: Your Brain Has Too Many Tabs Open: Managing the Voice in Your Head
Podcast: Think Fast, Talk Smart: Communication Techniques
Host: Matt Abrahams
Guest: Ethan Cross, Professor at University of Michigan, Director of the Emotion and Self-Control Lab, Author: Chatter and Shift
Release Date: February 23, 2026
Main Theme:
This episode explores the impact of "chatter"—our unhelpful internal self-talk—on communication, performance, and emotional regulation. Matt Abrahams and Ethan Cross delve into the science of managing negative thought loops, practical strategies for quieting mental noise, and methods to turn emotions into tools rather than obstacles.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Defining "Chatter" and Its Effects

• What is Chatter?
  • Chatter is getting stuck in a negative thought loop where you keep returning to a real problem but make no progress ([02:37]).
  • Two signs:
    • Repetitive, unproductive rumination about an unresolved problem.
    • Incessant self-criticism or self-berating thoughts.
• Impact on Performance:
  • Chatter consumes cognitive bandwidth, making it hard to focus or perform routine tasks confidently.
  • Leads to analysis paralysis—overthinking simple actions until performance crumbles ([03:51]).

"Chatter acts like a sponge that consumes that limited capacity. It leaves very little left over that allows us to do the things that we want or need to do."
—Ethan Cross ([03:51])

2. Overcoming Chatter: Practical Tools & Techniques

• No One-Size-Fits-All: Different strategies work for different people and situations ([05:56]).
• Distancing Tools:
  • Distance self-talk: Use your own name and “you” to talk to yourself, creating psychological space similar to giving advice to a friend ([06:26]).
  • Example: “All right, Ethan, how are you going to manage this situation?”
  • Leverages our brain's tendency to be more objective when helping others.
• Mental Time Travel:
  • Ask yourself how you’ll feel about the situation in 3 hours, 3 days, or 3 years to reduce the intensity of your current emotions ([07:49]).
  • Reminds you that strong emotions are temporary and fade over time.

"When you jump into the mental time travel vision... it gives it hope. That turns the volume down too."
—Ethan Cross ([09:00])

• Other Methods:
  • Writing things down, mindfulness, and basic recognition of the emotion can help create needed distance ([09:54]).

3. Chatter and Communication in the Digital Age

• Technology Amplifies Chatter:
  • Social media and instant access to others increase the likelihood of sharing intense, unfiltered emotions online ([10:28]).
  • In-person interactions provide feedback cues (body language, tone) that temper emotional sharing; online, these constraints disappear.
  • Time as an Emotional Immune System:
    • Delay between emotion and sharing in real life allows emotions to mellow; online sharing is often instantaneous and unfiltered ([12:37]).

"People are much more likely to share emotional information in an unfiltered way on social media. That can sometimes get them in big trouble."
—Ethan Cross ([13:13])

4. Why “Just Get Over It” Is Unhelpful — Effective Supportive Communication

• Problems with “Get Over It”:
  • Doesn’t provide actionable steps; akin to telling someone to get in shape without guidance ([14:00]).
• Science-Based Support Framework:
  1. Emotional Connection: Listen, validate, and empathize—show you’re truly there for the person.
  2. Perspective Broadening: Once connected, gently share tools or stories that might help, using personal experience (“What helped me was…”) ([13:58], [16:00]).
• Chatter Advisory Board:
  • Proactively identify people who both empathize and help you widen your outlook ([17:04]).

"That's the formula for both being a good chatter advisor to someone else. It's also a formula for helping you figure out who are the people that you should put on your chatter advisory board."
—Ethan Cross ([16:47])

• Advice Delivery Matters:
  • Sharing from personal experience, rather than prescribing (“You should…”), honors the listener’s agency ([17:52]).
  • Encourage autonomy and avoid triggering defensiveness ([18:05]).

"All human beings have this fundamental drive towards agency... When you threaten that drive, it elicits a kind of defensive reactance."
—Ethan Cross ([18:05])

5. Reframing Emotions: Data, Not Defects

• See Emotions as Feedback:
  • Negative emotions are not to be suppressed; they provide useful data and can be harnessed if understood ([19:08]).
  • Toxic Positivity: Unrealistic expectation to never feel bad is both impossible and unhelpful.
  • Example: Mild anxiety improves preparation; anger motivates protecting loved ones.

"We should not be throwing the baby out with the bathwater. Just because negative emotions are harmful some of the time doesn't mean that they don't serve a vital role in our lives."
—Ethan Cross ([20:41])

6. Awe, Role Models, and Ingredients of Effective Communication

• Awe:
  • Triggered by encountering something vast and indescribable.
  • Shrinks the sense of self, putting problems in perspective ([22:38]).
• Role Model:
  • Angela Duckworth cited for clear, impactful, and rigorous science communication ([23:45]).
• Recipe for Successful Communication:
  1. Clarity
  2. Simplicity (but not over-simplification)
  3. Sharing genuine passion and emotion ([24:21])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Have you ever been in a situation where you sit down to read a few pages in a book... [but] you do not remember a damn thing you've read?”
  —Ethan Cross ([03:19])
  (Illustrates how chatter hijacks attention)

• “Use your own name and 'you' to think through a problem. That makes it easier for us to work through objectively.”
  —Ethan Cross ([06:28])
  (Explaining the science behind distanced self-talk)

• “Time works to reduce the intensity of our emotional responses. As time goes on, our emotions fade.”
  —Ethan Cross ([12:11])
  (On why sharing immediately online can be risky)

• “You shouldn't should all over people, right?”
  —Matt Abrahams ([17:57])
  (On giving advice by sharing your own experience rather than prescribing)

• “My mind just can't comprehend how we figured out how to [land on Mars]... When we feel smaller, so do all of the troubles that are weighing us down.”
  —Ethan Cross ([22:56])
  (On awe as an emotion and a tool)

Key Timestamps for Important Segments

• [02:37] – Defining “chatter” and its cognitive impacts
• [05:56] – No one-size-fits-all: the fitness analogy for mental tools
• [06:26] – Distance self-talk: how and why it works
• [07:49] – Mental time travel for emotional regulation
• [10:28] – Social media and the risks of instant, unfiltered sharing
• [13:58] – Supporting others: why “just get over it” doesn’t help + two-step framework
• [17:04] – The value of a “chatter advisory board”
• [19:08] – Emotions as data: reframing negative emotions
• [22:38] – The emotion of awe and its practical benefits
• [24:21] – Ingredients for effective communication

Takeaways & Actionable Advice

• Recognize chatter as a drain on attention and performance; use tools like distance self-talk and mental time travel to manage it.
• Support others by first connecting emotionally, then broadening their perspective without prescribing.
• Frame emotions as useful sparks for action—not problems to ignore or erase.
• Be mindful of the differences in communication modes—especially online versus offline.
• Proactively curate your "chatter advisory board": people who both empathize and help you gain new perspective.
• For effective communication: prioritize clarity, simplicity, and authentic emotional presence.

If you want to better manage your internal voice and emotions—especially under pressure or in communication-heavy situations—this conversation delivers both scientific insight and practical tools.