Podcast Summary: Think Fast Talk Smart – Episode: Ask Matt Anything (AMA) 1: Trust, Paraphrasing, and Nonverbal Cues

In the inaugural episode of the "Ask Matt Anything" (AMA) series on the "Think Fast Talk Smart" podcast, host Matt Abrahams delves into critical communication strategies essential for fostering trust, enhancing engagement, and mastering nonverbal cues. This AMA session, moderated by Jenny Luna, the founding Executive Producer of Think Fast Talk Smart, features insightful questions from premium members, allowing listeners to gain practical advice directly from Matt. Below is a detailed exploration of the key discussions, insights, and conclusions drawn from this episode.

Introduction to AMA Session

Jenny Luna opens the session by explaining the format of the AMA series, highlighting that premium members can submit their communication-related questions to be addressed by Matt Abrahams. This interactive format aims to provide actionable insights tailored to real-world communication challenges.

Question 1: Constructive Discussions with Strong Opinions

Question by Sumiko ([01:56]):
“It is very difficult to listen to others' opinions when we have strong opinions ourselves, especially when it comes to senior leadership who may not have the technical background to truly grasp a situation. Could you share your thoughts on how I can have more constructive discussions, get alignment, and move forward on a project?”

Matt Abrahams’ Response ([02:19]):
Matt emphasizes the paramount importance of trust in communication. He introduces the concept of looping, also referred to as paraphrasing, which involves restating what the other person has said to demonstrate understanding without necessarily agreeing.

Notable Quote:
"What's really important in these circumstances is to demonstrate understanding rather than agreement." ([02:25])

He advises using paraphrasing to show comprehension and then leveraging questions to bridge differing viewpoints. For instance, instead of asserting one's own opinion outright, posing a question like, “I heard what you said about this. What are we thinking about this?” can foster a more collaborative dialogue, especially in scenarios with power dynamics.

Question 2: Engaging a Large, Diverse Virtual Audience

Question by Wendy ([04:17]):
“I recently changed careers from K-12 teaching to a high-impact nonprofit role. I find it easy to create presentations based on your frameworks and my 15+ years of experience teaching and have received positive feedback. But I want to get better at engaging a large, diverse audience on a webinar. Other than storytelling, what are some other communication techniques that I could use?”

Matt Abrahams’ Response ([04:57]):
Matt acknowledges Wendy's transition and the foundation her teaching experience provides. He breaks down engagement into three core components:

1. Physical Engagement:
   Encouraging actions such as writing, discussing, or using interactive tools (e.g., polls) to keep the audience's attention.

   Quote:
   “Where people's bodies go, their brains follow.” ([05:15])

2. Mental Engagement:
   Utilizing questions (even rhetorical ones) and storytelling to stimulate the audience's cognitive involvement.

   Quote:
   “Human beings are storytelling machines. When I tell you a story, our brainwaves actually sync up.” ([06:00])

3. Linguistic Engagement:
   Employing inclusive language (using names or "you") and time-traveling language (e.g., "imagine if...") to create a vivid mental experience.

   Quote:
   “Imagine what it would be like if, or what if we could... that takes you into the future and you begin to see it in your mind's eye.” ([07:00])

Matt suggests integrating these techniques, especially in virtual settings, to maintain sustained attention. Techniques like engaging participants through chat, virtual hand-raising, and interactive content can significantly enhance engagement.

Question 3: Controlling Body Movements During Conversations

Question by Naveen ([08:06]):
“How can I better control my body movements during conversations? I move my body, especially my head a lot, and I realized this after watching my recent office meeting recordings via Teams.”

Matt Abrahams’ Response ([08:28]):
Drawing from a previous discussion with Dana Carney on nonverbal communication, Matt underscores the significance of self-awareness in managing nonverbal cues. He recommends recording and reviewing one's interactions to identify and understand habitual movements.

Notable Quote:
"If you want to better understand your nonverbal presence, you need to record yourself and watch and listen." ([08:35])

Specifically addressing head movements, Matt advises:

• Shoulder Blade Positioning:
  Pulling shoulder blades down can create a slight tension in the neck, making excessive head movements less likely.

• Conscious Effort:
  By making head movements more deliberate, they become less distracting.

Quote:
"Pull your shoulder blades down and when you do that it holds your head straight and makes it less likely that you're going to move your head around." ([09:00])

He emphasizes that refining nonverbal presence enhances credibility and the effectiveness of the conveyed message.

Question 4: Balancing Emotional Expressions in Conversations

Question by Greg ([10:15]):
“When talking to people who are experiencing strong feelings, I tend to let that person dominate the conversation. Even if I have strong feelings myself, how can I respectfully acknowledge my conversation mate's feelings while ensuring that my voice is heard?”

Matt Abrahams’ Response ([10:34]):
Matt highlights the delicate balance required when emotions are intense in conversations. He advises acknowledging emotions without labeling them specifically to avoid misinterpretation.

Notable Quote:
"I hear you have great concern, or clearly there's big emotion here." ([10:50])

He suggests using paraphrasing as a bridge to express one's own perspective:

1. Acknowledge the Emotion:
   Recognize the presence of emotion without assigning a specific label.

2. Paraphrase:
   Restate what the other person has communicated to show understanding.

3. Connect and Share:
   Link their emotions to the conversation context and introduce your viewpoint.

Example:
"I hear you have a lot of passion towards this topic." ([11:00])

This approach ensures that both parties feel heard and respected, allowing for a more balanced and productive dialogue.

Question 5: Navigating Mixed Status Meetings

Question by Jenny Luna ([12:06]):
“I've recently started a new role and I think a lot about what we talk about on this podcast with status. I'm having a lot of one-on-ones as I'm meeting new people in this new role. I try to really lower my status when I'm in a meeting with someone of lower status and up my status when I'm in a meeting with more powerful leaders. But I'm getting stuck when I'm in a meeting with both of those people. What do you do in a meeting where there's lots of different statuses? How do you find the status to play to?”

Matt Abrahams’ Response ([12:46]):
Addressing the complexities of status dynamics in meetings, Matt references conversations with experts like Jeff Pfeffer and Deb Grunfeld on power. He offers strategies to navigate mixed-status environments effectively:

1. Gratitude and Listening:
   Demonstrating genuine appreciation and active listening can bridge status differences.

   Quote:
   “Listening is a gift that you're giving them and you're leveraging your power and status to listen.” ([13:10])

2. Structured Meetings:
   Setting clear agendas and inviting perspectives from all participants ensures balanced participation.

3. Paraphrasing:
   Using paraphrasing to validate each participant's input fosters an inclusive atmosphere.

4. Nonverbal Posturing:
   Adjusting body language to reflect the status of participants. For example:

   • With Subordinates:
     Use softer gestures, lower your voice slightly, and employ hedging language (e.g., "I think we should do this, what do you think?").

   • With Higher-Ups:
     Maintain a more upright posture, use direct language, and assert your points confidently.

   Quote:
   “Paraphrasing is a way to signal that I've really heard you." ([13:40])

By adapting both verbal and nonverbal communication to suit the status of each participant within a mixed-status meeting, one can effectively manage diverse dynamics and ensure that all voices are heard.

Conclusion

The first AMA session of "Think Fast Talk Smart" provided a treasure trove of strategies for enhancing communication across various scenarios. Matt Abrahams' insights on trust-building, engagement techniques, nonverbal communication, and navigating status dynamics offer practical tools for listeners aiming to elevate their communication skills in professional and personal settings.

Final Thoughts from Jenny Luna ([15:10]):
Jenny wraps up the AMA by thanking Matt and the premium members, emphasizing the value of the Think Fast Talk Smart community in fostering strong communication and career development.

Matt Abrahams’ Closing Remarks ([15:48]):
Matt invites listeners to join the Think Fast Talk Smart Premium community, highlighting the benefits of extended content, coaching, and a global network dedicated to communication excellence.

This episode underscores the podcast’s commitment to providing actionable communication techniques, empowering listeners to achieve clarity, confidence, and impact in their interactions.