175: Babysitting

Summary

Summary of This American Life: Episode 175 - "Babysitting"

Release Date: January 5, 2001
Host: Ira Glass
Produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago

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Introduction: The Essence of Babysitting

In episode 175 titled "Babysitting," This American Life explores the multifaceted nature of babysitting beyond the conventional role of child supervision. Hosted by Ira Glass, the episode delves into personal anecdotes, humorous incidents, and profound insights surrounding the theme of babysitting. Through three distinct acts, listeners are taken on a journey that examines familial bonds, childhood fears, and the complexities of caretaking roles.

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Act 1: Sibling Sitter - The Werewolf Prank

The first act introduces Doug, a teenage boy in rural Idaho tasked with babysitting his four younger siblings. Unlike traditional babysitters, Doug employs unconventional and often extreme methods to manage his siblings, blurring the lines between authority and sibling camaraderie.

Doug/Pick up the werewolf prank:

Doug recounts his infamous werewolf prank designed to instill fear and obedience among his brothers. Through elaborate setups involving silhouettes, makeup, and props, Doug convincingly portrayed a werewolf during full moons, leading his siblings to panic and dread his nighttime activities.

• Sarah, Age 11 (02:28): “If I had to be there tending these dang kids, I was gonna make it fun for me, too, you know?”
• Mike, Age 8 (10:02): “We were convinced for three or four years of our lives, I think, that he could actually turn into a werewolf.”
• Steve, Age 8 (13:30): “I don't care. Kill me if you want.”

The prank culminated in a particularly intense night where Doug, disguised as a werewolf, terrified his brothers to the point of fear for their lives. This incident not only exemplifies the lengths Doug would go to assert control but also highlights the lasting impact of childhood fears and pranks on sibling relationships.

Key Insights:

• Authoritative vs. Peer Influence: Doug’s approach demonstrates how authority can intertwine with peer dynamics, affecting trust and fear.
• Long-term Effects: Despite the terror, the siblings reflect fondly on their childhood experiences, showcasing how shared traumatic events can strengthen familial bonds.

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Act 2: Unaccompanied Minors - Trapped at O'Hare

Transitioning from familial babysitting, Act 2 narrates the harrowing experience of Susan Burton and her sister Betsy, who found themselves stranded at Chicago’s O'Hare Airport due to a severe snowstorm in December 1988. As unaccompanied minors, they were thrust into an environment where corporate procedures governed their care—or lack thereof.

Susan Burton's Account:

Susan describes the chaos at the airport, where numerous divorced children awaited their disrupted flights. The environment was likened to a refugee camp, with gate agents overwhelmed and standard care protocols insufficient for the emotional turmoil of young, separated children.

• Susan Burton (22:55): “All across America, divorced kids shuttle from one parent to the other. If they fly, their babysitters are the airlines themselves.”

The narrative explores the impersonal and often inadequate handling of children's emotional needs in such corporate settings. Amidst the uncertainty, Susan and Betsy, along with other children, forged connections that provided solace during their unexpected confinement.

Key Insights:

• Institutional Limitations: The story highlights the challenges institutions face in addressing the nuanced emotional needs of children during family separations.
• Resilience and Bonding: Despite the adversity, the children’s ability to bond underscores the innate resilience and social capacities of youth in distressing circumstances.

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Act 3: Invisible Caretakers - Babysitting Their Mother

The final act unveils a deeply personal story of Myron Jones and his sister Carol, who, under their mother's strict and manipulative regime, crafted an elaborate fictional family—the McCrearys—to conceal their caretaking role at home. This act delves into themes of control, deception, and the blurred lines between caregiving and being cared for.

Myron and Carol’s Story:

Myron narrates the oppressive environment created by their mother, who, after the death of their father, imposed stringent rules to maintain control. To escape constant scrutiny, Myron and Carol invented the McCreary family, presenting themselves as babysitters for these nonexistent children to grant themselves freedom.

• Christiana (Carol) (34:57): “I made up a family. I said, what do you mean? I made up this family I babysit for.”

This fabricated narrative provided the siblings with much-needed autonomy and a semblance of normalcy amidst their mother's invasive oversight. However, it also revealed the psychological toll of living under constant surveillance and the lengths to which children will go to assert their independence.

• Christiana (43:00): “And she was my fantasy of an older woman who might fall in love with me and with any luck at all, seduce me.”

The act poignantly illustrates the siblings' struggle for agency and the complicated dynamics of parental control, ultimately leading to lasting scars and fractured relationships.

Key Insights:

• Psychological Impact of Control: The story underscores how extreme parental control can drive children to deceptive behaviors as a means of coping and survival.
• Long-term Familial Relations: Myron’s and Carol’s relationships with their mother remained strained, highlighting the enduring effects of childhood manipulation and neglect.

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Conclusion: Multifaceted Perspectives on Babysitting

Through these three acts, "Babysitting" presents a comprehensive exploration of the concept from various angles—sibling authority, institutional neglect, and the complexities of parental relationships. Ira Glass masterfully weaves humor, tension, and emotional depth to shed light on the often-overlooked aspects of babysitting, making listeners reflect on the profound influences of caretaking roles in shaping personal and familial identities.

Notable Musical Interludes:
Interspersed with the narratives are satirical advertisements and songs parodying the ideal qualities of a babysitter, such as:

• Ira Glass (04:49): “If you want this choice position, have a cheery disposition, rosy cheeks, no warts… Hurry, nanny.”

These interludes serve as both comedic relief and critical commentary on societal expectations of caretakers, enriching the episode's thematic depth.

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Notable Quotes:

• Ira Glass (01:01): “Here's a ritual that happens in millions of American families every day. Parents dropping off kids at the babysitters.”
• Doug (02:58): “With Christiana, she's like a second mom.”
• Susan Burton (22:55): “When your father dies, everybody told me to put the kids in an orphanage. I didn't. And that was the biggest mistake of my life.”
• Christiana (43:00): “I was going to do this for the people that loved her. You know, all of the people that really loved this little girl. I'm going to do it for them.”

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Final Thoughts:

"This American Life" episode "Babysitting" intricately dissects the layers of responsibility, control, and emotional intricacies associated with caretaking roles. Whether through the lens of sibling dynamics, institutional failures, or the deep-seated impacts of parental oversight, the episode offers a thought-provoking examination of what truly happens behind the scenes when parents entrust the care of their children to others—or, in Myron and Carol’s case, to themselves.

Transcript

[Ira Glass]

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[Doug]

All right, guys, we're here.

[Ira Glass]

Sir, don't forget your stuff, okay?

[Doug]

And Dylan, grab your snow pants.

[Ira Glass]

Here's a ritual that happens in millions of American families every day. Parents dropping off kids at the babysitters.

[Christiana]

Hi, guys.

[Ira Glass]

Good morning. Good morning. Hey. Oh, my gosh. We have all kinds of friends. Hi, sweetie. I haven't seen you guys in such a long time. Sarah, age 9, and Dylan, who's 6, are being left at a friend's house where there are two other kids, Elliot and Emma, and their regular babysitter, Christiana, who meets them at the door, who hasn't seen them since before Christmas. These kids have known Christiana longer than they've known almost anyone. Four years. She's been their sitter an eternity. Christiana takes care of them after school every day. Christiana knows everything about them, and they're such old pros at being left with the sitter that they don't think twice about it. Mom leaves no tears, no scenes.

[Doug]

All right, Bye.

[Ira Glass]

I love you.

[Christiana]

I love you.

[Ira Glass]

Be good. Christiana serves cereal to the four kids. Emma gets the Powerpuff Girl bowl. Sarah gets the Barbie bowl. Then Dylan and Sarah fill me in on the differences between Christiana and their other main babysitter, a college student named Natalia. She's not as calm as Christiana and everything. Like, if you want to get away with something, who is it easier to get away with, Christiana or Natalia? Natalia. She doesn't really know the rules of her house. So then we say we can drink Coke. I knew what Dylan.

[Dylan]

You say you.

[Ira Glass]

Could wear your clothes to bed all the time. I don't want to go to. Remember that trick? Mom lets me wear my clothes to bed. That was for like, half a year that you would do that to babysitters. And why do you want to go to bed in your clothes? Because then I don't have to change he just basically doesn't like changing. He thinks it wastes too much time. With Christiana, it's different. She's like a second mom. That's what she thinks.

[Dylan]

I think of you guys as my kids. Yeah, I know them.

[Doug]

I've known them since they were all so little. And I love them like that.

[Dylan]

I was in kindergarten.

[Sarah]

Yeah.

[Doug]

And these guys have just been seeing.

[Ira Glass]

Them growing up and growing bigger and.

[Dylan]

Learning things, and I'm just very, very attached to them.

[Ira Glass]

When a mom shows up at the house a little later to drop off yet another child, she doesn't use the word mom to describe Christiana. Mom. That's her territory. The word she uses is aunt. How do you define this job? Watching children for money. Well, today on our program, babysitters. And what exactly happens when mom and dad are out of sight? Our show today in three acts. In the first, an older brother babysits and the younger brothers cower. Act two is about a day in 1988 when huge companies accidentally found themselves taking on a massive babysitting job because of Snow. In Act 3, every my brother and sister get a job babysitting for some children who do not exist. And before we say anything else about babysitters, first, let's just have a little brief word, just you and me, about Mary Poppins. Mary Poppins. Let's just say right here she is the gold standard of all fictional babysitters, maybe of all real ones, too. She is the one that all others are to be measured by. And the movie Mary Poppins. It contains what is probably the classic song about babysitting. You remember the kids in the film sing about what it is that they want in a babysitter. If you want this choice position, have a cheery disposition.

[Dylan]

Jane.

[Ira Glass]

I don't. Rosy cheeks, no warts. That's the part I put in. Play games, all sorts. You must. You know, let me just stop this right here. This is not exactly the tone that we are going for in today's radio program. Let's cut through the treacle. Want it Nanny for two adorable children. And you want this joint position.

[Natalia]

Have a cheerleader disposition.

[Ira Glass]

Rosy cheeks, no walls, play games, all sorts. We must be kind, must be witty, Very sweet and very pretty. Take us on our teams Give us cheats, sing songs, bring us sweets, Never be cross our cool, never give us capture oil our cool Love is old sun and daughter Never smell barley water.

[Dylan]

1, 2, 3, 4.

[Ira Glass]

In the US dominate US we will never give cause you hate us. Won't hide your spectacles. You can't see the clothes in your bed or pepper in your tea. Hurry, nanny.

[Natalia]

Many thanks.

[Ira Glass]

Sincerely.

[Natalia]

Jane and Michael. Thanks.

[Ira Glass]

Music recorded for our program by the Dishes engineering by Elliot Dix and Mike Siegel at Engine Music Studios. Which brings us to Act 1. Act 1. What big teeth you have. Lots of. Babysitting is done by family members. In this first story, parents leave their kids in the care of their teenage son. But instead of acting as a surrogate parent, standing above sibling squabbles and rivalries, acting as judge and mediator, the teenage babysitter stays squarely in the center of those rivalries, but as ruler and king. Now, with no parental forces tempering his actions, Hilary Frank has this cautionary tale about what happened.

[Doug]

The Pearys grew up in rural Idaho. When their parents went out, the oldest son, Doug, was left in charge of his four younger siblings. Doug was the kind of guy who ruled the last three rows of the school bus. Through a combination of force and psychological pressure. He told other kids that the bus driver signed an agreement putting him in charge of the back of the bus. He wore a bomber jacket. He rode a motorcycle. Still, his parents thought he seemed responsible enough when it came to his brothers and sister. There was a lot they didn't know.

[Sarah]

If I had to be there tending these dang kids, I was gonna make it fun for me, too, you know?

[Doug]

Doug often subjected his three little brothers to what he calls bravery tests. He would do things like stuff them in a sleeping bag and tie them to a tree limb or snap huge rubber bands at their skin until they stopped flinching.

[Sarah]

I really hesitate to tell this one because it could have been. I mean, this was. Well, anyway, we had this iguana, okay, this big lizard about. It was about three feet long, and it died. Well, I was so attached to this thing that I, of course, just didn't want to take it out and bury it. So I put it in the freezer and kept it. Well, this is a fun thing for all of us boys to take out of the freezer and thaw out and play with it, you know. And then we got tired of playing with it. Then we put it back in the freezer, you know, and we'd freeze it again. And after about a year and a half of this, we decided we needed a new bravery test. So we thought, what can we do? Hmm, I think we should boil and eat. Boil and eat the iguana. That would be the ultimate bravery test. We put it in a pot, about the biggest pot my mom had. And we stuffed it in there and Boiled it, you know. Well, it's been boiling about five minutes, probably done by now, you know. And we got the thing out of there and honest to goodness, we ate some of that lizard.

[Doug]

Oh, my God.

[Sarah]

I even ate some, and they even ate some. And I'm so.

[Doug]

What did it taste like?

[Sarah]

You know, at that point, it actually tasted kind of like sawdust.

[Doug]

Doug did all the bravery tests he made his brothers do. He was right in there with them. But they were on their own when it came to one of Doug's long running babysitting pranks. I spoke with Doug and with his youngest brother Mike, who was the easiest target. They're 10 years apart.

[Mike]

We were convinced that he. We were convinced for three or four years of our lives, I think, that he could actually turn into a werewolf. We would walk out of the house and then you'd hear this, and it literally stop you in your tracks, and you just knew he was out there somewhere.

[Doug]

Again, here's Doug.

[Sarah]

We had a pasture in the back, and it was about maybe half an acre. And they'd go out clear up to the back fence, and that's where they, like, sleep out. So this is the perfect place for me to stalk him in the night, you know, and sneak up and be the werewolf. So I would kind of just crawl out into the shadows, you know, and I could hear them out there talking. And I'd be sneaking up through the bushes and I'd go. And they'd just. I'd hear dead silence. And then I'd hear one of them go, duck's a werewolf.

[Doug]

Doug kept this up for years, and the kids began to dread it whenever their parents went out, knowing something scary would happen to them. Until finally it all came to a head one night. Mike was 8 years old. The middle brothers were 11 and 13. Doug was 18. It began the way it usually did, out in a pasture surrounded by potato fields. Here's Doug.

[Sarah]

We had a full moon, which was wonderful, and I kind of got to where the moon was silhouetting me, and they couldn't really see me. And I stuck a bunch of weeds down in my glasses, so they're poking out all around. And then I kind of rose up out of the weed patch and they could see the silhouette with all this looked like hair poking out. So that convinced them, I mean, that totally, I was totally growing hair. I was completely a werewolf. So run for your life.

[Mike]

And we all, of course, knew that the best thing to do was to get out of our sleeping bags and run as fast as we could. To the house, because that was the sheer shelter.

[Doug]

What were you afraid that Doug was gonna do to you?

[Mike]

Well, it's just the whole idea of being chased around in the dark, and it's not like there was ever a lack of physical contact. I mean, he literally was a situation where you were scared for your life. And we knew that Doug was in between us and the house somewhere.

[Ira Glass]

And.

[Mike]

And as we were running to the house, Doug was just sitting on the roof in a sort of a gargoyle position, just as still as the night, and just staring at us, watching us. And so we just kind of slowly, kind of just walked underneath him and ran into the house.

[Sarah]

Well, now I'm peeking in the windows. I'm rattling the doors more. I'm trying to get in. And they're running from door to door, trying to lock all the doors up. And I was always right on their heels as they. As they got. As they made it to the door. And I made sure that I just didn't quite catch them, you know, and they would run in and slam the doors. Just about the time they thought they were all safe, I snuck over and took the breaker. I shut the breaker off to the.

[Mike]

House, and then all of a sudden, boom. The lights go out, and it's pitch dark in the house.

[Sarah]

It was like this. We're all going to die. I mean, it was just. They had no safe place they could think of to go. Until one of them finally thought, get to the car. You know, we got to get in the car and lock the doors.

[Mike]

And as we were all sitting in there looking around at each other, we realized that my brother Steve didn't make it out of the house.

[Steve]

And then the next thing I know, I'm in the house alone.

[Doug]

Let's introduce another brother. This is Steve.

[Steve]

In the course that then my. My fear went out, you know, through the roof. You know, it was like. And then I see him look in. In the patio window at me.

[Sarah]

Well, I was still around back, so I thought, well, Steve is still in there. I could see in the darkness. I could see him rocking in the chair. Well, I'll get Steve.

[Mike]

He snuck into the house, and he saw my brother Steve just sitting on the couch. And Steve just said, I don't care. Kill me if you want.

[Steve]

And that was when I told him, you know, just kill me or whatever. Be done with this however you want to end it. I mean, I'm done.

[Sarah]

I don't think we ever played it again after that point. You know.

[Doug]

These days, the brothers are all quick to say that Doug was playing werewolf, that it was just a game. None of them carry resentment towards him, though. When they were kids, clearly, feelings were running a bit hotter. Around the same time that Doug had his little siblings convinced he wanted their blood, he got into a motorcycle accident that nearly killed him. He broke every bone in his face, one arm, and one irreplaceable kneecap. The force of the crash made the helmet, along with his scalp, shoot off his head. It took around 350 stitches to sew him back up.

[Sarah]

You know, when I came home from the hospital, I had my leg in a cast, my arm in a cast. I was in a wheelchair. My face was all banged up. And my brothers say, mom, we'll take Doug down the road in his wheelchair for a walk and so you can have some air. And so she goes, okay. And I get in the wheelchair, and they get me out on the highway and run as fast as they can and then let go. And I'm like, you know, going down the road in the wheelchair, heading for the ditch. And just about the time I go in the ditch, they catch up to me and straighten me out and go again, you know, so this was kind of a get even with me kind of a time. There was nothing I could do about it, and they just. They had a great fun with me that time, you know, So I guess that, you know, I was expecting a lot of sympathy and poor Doug, and. No, it wasn't that at all. It was, let's get some revenge for all this time.

[Doug]

Revenge came in other forms as he got older, when Doug had kids of his own. To his horror, his oldest son, Corey, turned out to be exactly the same kind of babysitter that Doug had been. Doug would come home from a night out and find himself pulling Corey aside and saying things like, next time, try and tie the rope a little looser around your brother's neck. Steve, the brother who told Doug, just kill me is also apparent these days of four daughters. And like Doug, he's had moments flashing back to the days when Doug babysat.

[Steve]

I remember this one time he came out with this box, and he said, look what I found out in the street. And you opened this box, and he had his finger sticking up through the bottom of the box so that all you could see was this bloody finger in there. I mean, I freaked out over that for years. I still remember it vividly. Of course, after we saw how freaked out we were by it, he showed us how it worked.

[Ira Glass]

You know.

[Steve]

I did it to my own Kids, if you can believe that you did.

[Doug]

You know, why. Why would you want to freak them out?

[Steve]

I don't know. I remembered it so vividly, and I thought, well, that was, you know. And I think back on it, and I go, well, it was kind of cool, actually, how he did it. So here I go, and I'm going to try it with my own kids, okay? And I lift up the box, and my oldest daughter just broke into tears, and I apologize all over myself for a week or two afterwards to her. I hope she probably going to have as crappy a memory of that as I did when I seen it the first time.

[Doug]

Did you feel sort of like you were in Doug's shoes, like you knew what it felt like to be him?

[Steve]

And I catch myself wanting to tease him, too, like he did sometimes, you know, in a fun sort of way. But my wife will go, you know, you're acting just like Doug.

[Doug]

As an adult. Doug has gone to each of his younger brothers and apologized for how he treated them, but he also thinks if they'd been less aggressive with each other as kids, they wouldn't be as close. Now.

[Sarah]

I know families have grown up more mellow than us, and they get along fine, and they're very civil, and they're very happy to see each other, but they're almost like when they see each other, they shake hands, and I'm like, give me a break. You haven't seen your brother for six months and you're shaking his hand. I mean, we're grabbing each other and bear hugging, and we're. We're jumping up and down, and, you know, it's a whole different relationship as far as I see, like, people who've been through traumatic experiences together, you know, maybe that's why, you know, you feel like you've been through that and survived it all together, and so it creates a deep bond or something, maybe. So I think we're closer because of it actually.

[Doug]

Did part of, you know that when you were younger that it might make you closer when you grew up?

[Sarah]

Well, you know, I think maybe subconsciously you do, because after every time, you would feel somewhat closer, you know, So I don't think as a kid, you actually sit down and think, if I do this, it's going to make me closer to my brother. You just do it if it feels that way. You know, you just tend to do the things that make you grow closer together, and those are the things that we did that drew us together. So we continued doing those kind of things.

[Doug]

When I asked the other brothers if they'd do it all over again. They all say they would.

[Mike]

Yeah, absolutely. I loved my childhood.

[Doug]

Even with all the terror and danger that was there, you would still do all of it over again.

[Mike]

Absolutely. I look back on those years with, with complete fondness.

[Ira Glass]

Hilary Frank. She's the host of the Longest, Shortest Time, a podcast about early parenthood. If you want this choice position, have a cheery disposition, rosy cheeks, no warts, play games, all sorts. You must be kind. You must be pretty, very sweet and fairly pretty.

[Sarah]

Take us on outings, give us treats.

[Ira Glass]

Sing songs, bring sweets. Never be cross or cruel. Never give us castor oil. Uproar.

[Sarah]

Love us as a son and daughter.

[Ira Glass]

Never give us body water. If you won't scold and dominate us, we'll never give you reason to hate us. Won't hide your spectacles so you can't see. Put toads on your bed. Pepper in your tea.

[Sarah]

Hurry, nanny.

[Ira Glass]

Many thanks, sincerely, Jane and Michael Banks, John Langford of the Waco Brothers and the Mekons with John Rhys on mandolin in a song recorded for our show. Whatever we are paying them, it is not enough. And this brings us to Act 2. Act 2. In the event of an emergency, put your sister in an upright position. On the day after Christmas, all across America, divorced kids shuttle from one parent to the other. If they fly, their babysitters are the airlines themselves. This is babysitting encased in corporate procedure and corporate language. Kids flying without adults are called unaccompanied minors. Little ones get brightly colored tags pinned to their coats or hung from their necks. When you see them, it's hard not to feel bad for them and wonder what they're going to say about the experience someday when they grow up. Well, back In December of 1988, on December 26, divorced kids from all over the country got snowed in at o' Hare Airport here in Chicago. Susan Burton was one of those kids now old enough to tell the tale. She and her sister Betsy were traveling from Colorado, where their mom lived, to Michigan, where they'd grown up and where their dad lived. Here's Susan.

[Dylan]

There were two types of unaccompanied minors on flights out of divorced kids and skier kids. You could spot the skier kids because they always wore something to prove they'd been to Colorado. They had lift tickets fanning out from the zippers of their jackets or baseball caps that said veil. But since today was December 26th, we suspected that even the boy with the raccoon face tanthe kind you get from Ski Goggles was like us, a divorced kid, too. As soon as our flight left Denver, my thoughts turned to our layover in Chicago. Betsy and I loved the o' Hare Airport. With its shiny food court and chain bookstores and big glass atrium ceiling, it seemed like a beautiful new mall. When we landed in Chicago, it was snowing, snowing hard enough to shut the airport down. It was only the middle of the afternoon, and travelers were already reserving sleeping spaces by throwing their parkas over blocks of chairs. Even floor space was scarce, and some people were stuck alongside the moving walkway. The mall had become a refugee camp. The departure board showed that our flight to Grand Rapids was cancelled, so we went to a service desk where an agent took our tickets and typed things into her terminal. Then she turned on her microphone and sent a cryptic message out over the pa. I have two ums at the service desk. Two ums at the service desk. Okay, the woman told us. Someone's coming by for you. A second woman appeared, and we followed her to a gray, unmarked door. She fumbled with her keys. I squeezed Betsy's hand. The door opened onto a room packed with kids sitting on their winter jackets. There were dozens of kids, all kinds of kids, some in small groups, the young ones conversing with stuffed animals, others looking uncomfortable in dresses or overheated in moon boots that had been too big to pack. Most of them were facing a podium at the front of the room, as if they'd been dropped off at the public library and were waiting for a reading by Shel Silverstein. At the podium, a steward put our names on a list. The woman standing next to him was wearing the uniform of another airline. It was strange to see people from different airlines mixing, almost like something that shouldn't be allowed. There were a handful of folding chairs in the room, and we found a free one near the center. I took the seat and Betsy settled on the floor beside me. She got her baby blanket out of her bag and began to sniff. Seemed we'd never been around so many divorced kids at once. Back home, most kids had both parents. You'd forget you were different, and then you'd be at someone's house after school and the dad would come home, and from the landing on the staircase you'd see him sorting through the mail, talking to the mother in the kitchen. It was hard to explain why this was sad. As a result, all that most of our friends knew about our divorce was that my favorite video to rent was Kramer versus Kramer, and Betsy's was the Parent Trap. So now it was strange to Hear kids talking about the things we kept to ourselves. A group nearby was engaged in a kind of divorced kid one upmanship. A girl wearing a sweatshirt with a Christmas tree patch said she saw her father only a couple times a year. A boy lying on his stomach claimed that he saw his dad even less. They exchanged a series of anecdotes about stepmothers and took a poll of who'd been the object of a custody battle. It seemed improper to talk so freely about these things. I had no way of expressing this at the time, but it felt like we were part of something on a grand scale. All these kids here in Chicago at the transfer point between mom and dad being babysat by the airlines was a lot like what you'd expect. Gate agents darted in and out, consulting papers and making shushing noises and yelling out names from the podium. They seemed flustered, annoyed. Normally their babysitting duties were small scale. They were good at shepherding kids along moving walkways and doling out little pins shaped like wings. In the UM room, they reverted to the same crowd control techniques that they used in secure the doors, withhold information, and discourage people from getting up to use the bathroom. So we did what any group of fed up delayed passengers does. We started to generate our own information. In the late evening, a rumor filtered through the crowd that the reason some kids were being escorted away was that their parents were making a bigger fuss than the other parents. Where were those kids going? The question arose from those of us in the landlocked middle and traveled through the crowd. The answer was transmitted back to us by our intelligence forces stationed at the podium. Those kids got hotels. The rest of us would have to sleep here in the UM room. A divorced kid reacts to his parents separation in one of two ways. As the rumor about the sleeping arrangement spread, it became clear who was the divorced kid who avoided conflict and who was the divorced kid who acted out. Fart noises increased. Crushed drink boxes began to litter the floor. I realized that when thrown with sufficient force, a nerf ball could cause injury. Soon word came around that the system had changed, that our babysitters were mad and they didn't care who your parents were or how many times they called. Now they were taking the good kids first. Immediately, Betsy lay down on her blanket. I took out the book in my bag. Catch her in the rye. Within an hour we were out of there. By now it was one in the morning. Betsy and I and a group of others followed a stewardess through the dim halls. The metal gates were down over the entrance to the Food court and travelers were sleeping in chairs. We would share a room with two other people. The first was a girl close to my age who was wearing glasses with pink plastic frames. I convinced myself that she was the same girl who'd been in my lane at swim camp years earlier when my parents were still married. I didn't ask her because I didn't want to ruin it if it wasn't true. The second person was a stewardess who looked about 30. She wore a lot of makeup and she was big boned, packed into her uniform. She wasn't mean to us, but she was pretty standoffish. We settled into our room. When the stewardess went into the bathroom, the swim camp girl pulled me over to the window. The curtains were closed, but red light shone in from the parking lot. Will you sleep in the bed with me so I won't have to sleep with a stewardess? She said. I looked over at Betsy. She was sitting on one of the two double beds in the room, sniffing her blanket. I told the girl, yes. It just came out almost immediately. I felt awful. When we lay down, I inched as far to the edge as I could so that I'd feel nearer to my sister on the edge of the bed across the aisle. The stewardess came out of the bathroom wearing control top stockings and a lacy slip and got under the covers like that. I'd never seen a grown woman sleep in anything other than a flannel nightgown. I wondered if she always slept like that or if it was just because she had to get up early. Maybe this was what all stewardesses wore under their uniform. But maybe she just felt awkward. Or maybe there were rules about what you wore that you had to keep covered. Or maybe she just didn't want her bare legs near Betsy. I saw Betsy shift under the covers and curl into a ball. I now felt certain that this was the worst thing I'd ever done to my sister. I wanted the strangers removed and my family restored. I hated the swim camp girl sleeping next to me. She wasn't from Michigan. She didn't have anything to do with my life. On these trips to visit our father, more than any other time, all Betsy and I had was each other. I thought of the kids in the um room at the airport. The one saying crass things about the saddest thing that had ever happened in life. And how reassuring it had been when I looked at Betsy sniffing her blanket the way she always had. The way I thought she would forever.

[Ira Glass]

Susan Burton. In the years since that story was first broadcast, on our radio show, a movie based on that story about kids of divorce trapped in an airport over Christmas was released. It was in 2006. It was a kids comedy directed by Paul Feig. It's called Unaccompanied Minors. We have our own suggestions for the new nanny. Would you like to hear them?

[Doug]

You have my undivided attention.

[Ira Glass]

Maestro, if you please.

[Natalia]

If you wish to be our sitter, please be sweet and never bitter.

[Ira Glass]

Help us with math and book reports. Might I add eat my short spark just cutting through the treacle. If Maggie's fussy, don't avoid her Let me get away with moider Nanny we want is kindly unsafe and one who will work for minimum wage. Coming up. How hard could it be to babysit kids who do not even exist? That's in a minute from Chicago Public Radio when our program continues. Support for this American Life and the following message come from freshworks Software is a choice that can make or break a business. Create better or worse experiences, propel or throttle growth. Too often so called solutions end up becoming blockers instead of enablers. Freshworks builds uncomplicated service software designed to deliver exceptional customer and employee experiences with enterprise grade solutions. Their AI assisted IT and customer service software is purpose built to eliminate friction, make employees more effective and make organizations more productive. Learn [e-mail] this message comes from Capella University. The right support can make a difference. That's why at Capella University, learning online doesn't mean learning alone. You'll get support from people who care about your success and are there for you every step of the way. Whether you're working on a bachelor's, master's, or doctoral degree, you can learn confidently, knowing you'll get the dedicated help you need. A different future is closer than you think with Capella University. Learn more at capella. Edu Just American Life Myra Glass each week, of course, we choose a theme bring you different kinds of stories on that theme. Today's program Babysitting and what happens that mom and dad do not find out about. Today's program was first broadcast back in 2001. We've arrived at Act 3 of our program. Act 3. Yes, there is a baby. This is a story that got our interest because of babysitting. But then it ended up being about so many other things besides. A man in Florida named Myron Jones wrote us this letter. He said that when he was 16 years old growing up without a dad in Buffalo, New York, he was allowed to stay out till midnight. He came and went as he pleased he spent a lot of time in bars. Actually, this is the 1940s. But his sister Carol, she had different rules when she was let out of the house at all, even though she was older than Myron. This story gets to babysitting in a big, big way. And I called him to talk about it.

[Christiana]

She had to say exactly where she was going, who she was going with. She could go to church dances, but only some church dances. It all had to do with protecting her chastity, really?

[Ira Glass]

I think. Yeah. Yeah. If one were to ask your mother at the time, what would she have said?

[Christiana]

She said, you gotta be more careful with the girls.

[Ira Glass]

Yeah.

[Christiana]

Spelled P, R, E, G, N, A, N, T. So my sister figured out a little scheme. She invented a family called the McCrearys. Said they needed her to babysit. And I remember when she first told me about it, she said, listen, guess what I did? I made up a family. I said, what do you mean? I made up this family I babysit for. They called the McCreary.

[Ira Glass]

It seemed clear once I got talking to Myron Jones that his sister Carol might have a few thoughts about all this. And we gave her a call. She agreed to go into a studio and chat. She says if anything, her brother was understating just how strict their mother was with her.

[Natalia]

She used to follow me. She had a friend, we called them Sam Spade and the Fat Man. And they would follow us. And then I'd go home and she'd come in and say, where have you been? It was. It was really, really hard. She didn't believe anything I ever said.

[Ira Glass]

And were you a pretty good kid, good student in school?

[Natalia]

I was. You know, for a long time I thought that. Oh, I was terrible. My mother started calling me a whore before I had any idea what the word was. And I couldn't look it up because I didn't know how it was spelled. I couldn't find it.

[Ira Glass]

Wow.

[Natalia]

And so it occurred to me that if I had a family, a non existent family, I could say I was going there.

[Christiana]

Carol started working out the details because whenever she babysat, my mother had to have the phone number she could check up on her. So the man in the family was an FBI agent working on a top secret project. So he could not give his phone number to anyone at all. He also couldn't let anyone but my sister, the babysitter know just where they lived. It would. Would have been dangerous for him to do.

[Ira Glass]

So how far did this go? How complicated did the story of the McCurrys get?

[Christiana]

It got very complicated. They had two kids. Michael was three and Laura was two. Happened to be the age separation between my sister and myself, but it was reversed. Sometimes the little boy in particular would try to test us, and I'd let him get away with it, but. But my sister wouldn't. And they had all kinds of toys, but not too many toys. And they liked their parents very much, Loved their parents. They were easy. They weren't spoiled in any way.

[Ira Glass]

They sound like very special kids.

[Christiana]

Oh, yeah, they were great. They were like no kids I ever met, really. I think in many ways they had the life my sister wished that we'd had.

[Natalia]

I had them rent a cottage at the lake for the summer.

[Ira Glass]

So the McCreerys had a summer house.

[Natalia]

Ah, yes.

[Ira Glass]

And did they require your services at the summer house?

[Natalia]

Oh, yes, indeed. They knew that the kids would enjoy it so much more if we were there, and it was we. Because both my brother and I always liked little kids a lot, you know. So my mother would accept this quite readily, you know, that they wanted the both of us out at the lake. It was wonderful. We had such a good summer. I mean, it was glorious.

[Ira Glass]

What would you do?

[Natalia]

Well, sometimes if we knew someone out there, sometimes kids we knew would have cottages. You know, kids used to get together and chip in, or their parents would have a cottage. Sometimes we'd just sleep on the beach, which was great. I loved that. I loved sleeping on the beach.

[Ira Glass]

I have to say, every time you talk about the freedom you got, your voice becomes completely different. It's like you can still taste it.

[Natalia]

I still remember what that was like. It offered freedom. That was just so wonderful to me.

[Christiana]

We really got all of this from our mother, this notion of fantasy. People our mother had. From the time we were young, kids younger than 10, our mother had three people that she went to see, none of whom existed. And we always knew they didn't exist.

[Ira Glass]

Really?

[Christiana]

Yeah.

[Ira Glass]

Who were they?

[Christiana]

One was a lawyer, and she wouldn't say what she was doing there, but she dropped little hints. And what we were supposed to believe was that that was making arrangements to put us in the orphanage. The second person she saw was a psychiatrist, which she pronounced psychologist. Interesting. And she went there because he would tell her that we were driving her crazy.

[Ira Glass]

I see.

[Christiana]

And the third person was a doctor who told her she was going to die. And she. We have no idea where in fact she went, but she was never gone long enough to see anyone at all.

[Ira Glass]

So in other words, she would literally. This wasn't just something she would say to you well, I've been to a psychiatrist and he's tells me that you guys are driving me crazy. She would actually leave the house and go to her appointment?

[Christiana]

Yeah, she'd go for the door, and when we were very young, we'd say, where are you going, Ma? Because it was so unusual for her to go out except at work. And she'd say, wouldn't you like to know? Okay. Is it your doctor? As we got older, she'd say, maybe. And so that was her. That was her game.

[Ira Glass]

In retrospect. Where do you think she was going?

[Christiana]

I have no idea. I think she walked around the block a couple of times.

[Ira Glass]

So at some point, your mother must have wanted to meet them, right?

[Christiana]

No, she was. She was. Shy isn't the word for her. But she didn't like knowing people at all. She didn't know the people next door. She didn't want to know them. So she was really deliberately isolated. But the McCreary's were far and away a favorite topic of conversation. Our mother would ask questions about them, and then Carol would give her far more information than she asked for.

[Ira Glass]

Say more of what you remember, of what she would tell them.

[Christiana]

Well, one was that Mrs. McCreary was very intelligent and lovely and very kind. And she was my sister's fantasy of a mother.

[Ira Glass]

Yeah.

[Christiana]

And she was my fantasy of an older woman who might fall in love with me and with any luck at all, seduce me.

[Ira Glass]

So, wait, so would you talk about it with your mom, too?

[Christiana]

Yeah, my sister started that. I was a little uncomfortable about it. My sister said, I think he's got a crush on her. And I would almost blush uncomfortably because I did.

[Ira Glass]

And then your mom would ask you questions. For example? Well, what color hair does she have?

[Christiana]

No, she didn't ask questions like that. She never asked questions like that.

[Ira Glass]

So what would she ask?

[Christiana]

She'd say, well, I hope you act right over there. What do they think of you? And then the question she to this day asks, what do they think of your mother? And Carol would say, give the right answer, which was, they think you're wonderful. It was a way of having a conversation with her.

[Ira Glass]

And a kind of in depth conversation.

[Christiana]

That's right. She liked to hear about fancy people. She imagined somehow that maybe we would all rub off on Carol.

[Ira Glass]

Huh? That they'd be a good influence.

[Christiana]

Somehow they'd be a good influence. And there might even be some money in it. But Carol also handled. Because she wasn't getting any money from babysitting. She said that Mr. McCreary was taking all the babysitting money and putting it into stocks and bonds.

[Ira Glass]

Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. Just back up.

[Christiana]

Yeah. Carol knew she was going to ask that. She anticipated it. Carol said. Before it could even come up, Carol said, Mr. McCreery isn't going to pay me. He's going to put all my babysitting money into stocks and bonds. My mother didn't know anything about stocks and bonds. Neither did we. But my mother knew that that's what rich people did. And it was over on the other side of town. The rich side of town.

[Ira Glass]

Right.

[Christiana]

My mother didn't know anything about that neighborhood. She was the oldest of seven children, Grew up in a very, really poor family. My mother had one friend who was middle class, who she'd met when my father was still alive. And she influenced my mother and so did the people that my mother cleaned for. The end of the summer was the last weekend, and that was near the real change in the McCreary time.

[Ira Glass]

What happened at the end of the summer?

[Christiana]

We really were exhausted from our real summer weekends.

[Ira Glass]

The strenuous work of having fun with your friends.

[Christiana]

Yeah, right. And those times when there was no cottage to go to and we'd sleep out on the beach and. And we were going home and we headed up the back stairs. We always had to go in the back way. We headed up the back stairs and we lived on the second floor. And we could tell before we turned the corner that our mother was outside the door waiting for us. And we turned and there she was. And she looked ready to kill. She looked absolutely furious. She said, well, how are you two been? And I thought, oh, God, she found out all about the summer cottage stuff. And Carol said, you know where we've been, Ma? To McCreery's. My mother said, oh, you have, have ya? Well, yous are a couple of damn liars. I just got off the phone with Mrs. McCreary. She hasn't seen you in weeks.

[Natalia]

My brother and I agree. We didn't breathe. We thought, oh, my God, she's talked to them. And then as quickly you realized, of course she didn't talk to them.

[Christiana]

Cheryl got over it immediately and said, sorry, ma, Nice try. We just left the McCreary's 10 minutes ago and we went in the house. Mother didn't say anything to us. We didn't say anything to her for the rest of the afternoon. And after that, we really stopped talking about the McCurries.

[Ira Glass]

Did she often claim that she had run into the McCrarys?

[Natalia]

Ah, yes. That she talked to her that she hadn't seen me. She did it so often. She believed this. It was amazing that she never questioned these things.

[Ira Glass]

Why do you think she didn't question it?

[Natalia]

I think she wanted it to be true, probably as much as I did.

[Ira Glass]

It's interesting. When you invented. When you invented them, it's as if you invented them in terms that would reassure your mom.

[Natalia]

Yeah, I probably did. I don't think that. Well, no, it did. I'm sure. It did occur to me that I wanted a family that would please her.

[Ira Glass]

Is that because. Is that because it would make her more likely to let you out, or was there a part of it where you also were the kind of kid where you always needed to be reassuring her anyway?

[Natalia]

Oh, I had to constantly reassure her. Always. You know, I mean, it isn't something I talk easily about, but the. That she really never liked me. That was a problem.

[Ira Glass]

Is your mom still alive?

[Christiana]

Yeah.

[Ira Glass]

So how old is she now?

[Christiana]

94.

[Ira Glass]

How old are you?

[Christiana]

I'm gonna be 70 in another 10 days, so.

[Ira Glass]

Have you ever come clean with her on this?

[Christiana]

No. No, never. Do you want me to make my mother look like a liar?

[Ira Glass]

Well, in a sense, you already have. It's just a question of whether she's.

[Christiana]

Going to know it, right? Yeah. No, it never crossed my mind to do it.

[Ira Glass]

Are you serious? It's never crossed your mind to tell her?

[Christiana]

No, never.

[Ira Glass]

Because she wouldn't be able to laugh about it, it sounds like.

[Christiana]

Not in any way. She might simply say that we were lying now, that there were McCreeries, and we were just saying that for some reason.

[Ira Glass]

Does it make you sad that you can't have the kind of relationship with your mom where now that everyone's an adult, you know, you can't come straight with all of it?

[Christiana]

Um, no. My sister and I, I think, because of. Because of going away to school when I was so young. Let me back up a little bit. When I was nine, I came home on a Saturday afternoon and my mother said, I'm sorry you weren't here, because Father Seger, who was an Episcopal priest, was here visiting, and he found a very nice orphanage for you. And I said, but I'm not an orphan. She said, no, I know. I told Father Seger that, but he said, really, you are, because I have to work all the time and there's no one to take care of you. And I said, well, we take care of ourselves. She said, I need to tell Father Seger that. But he said, not really. You go there, it'd be a good place for you. You go there. I was close to. I was in my 30s before I understood why. I went away to school when I was 10. I didn't have to. I could have not gone. I could have screwed up the test. I could have gone and gotten kicked out right away. I knew that one of the things that our mother did with us from the time we were very young. I can't remember before, but I know before I went to school, our mother used to say to us, when your father died, everybody told me to put the tuias in an orphanage. I didn't. And that was the biggest mistake of my life. So when the day came, I came home. She said, father Sega found an orphanage for you. What I really did was say, you've been threatening me with this all my life. And now, damn it, I'm gonna go.

[Ira Glass]

Yeah.

[Christiana]

And it felt safer. I was scared as hell. I was one of two kids in the sixth grade. The other kid never showed up. I went to all classes alone for six weeks. And after six weeks, I went home. And it was late October, already dark in Buffalo. And around suppertime. And I was walking down the street. I loved my neighborhood. I knew everybody. The lights were on, thinking, it's warm in there. There's people. That's who in there. That's Sonny Colucci's house. It's this house and that. They're in there. And I have a house, too. I go to school now, but I have a house, too. And I'm almost there. And I walked in the door and I started to hug my mother. And my mother put out her hand to hold me back and said, let me ask you a question. When you're up there at that fancy school, you ever think about your mother lying here in bed, crying her eyes out every single night? You ever think about that? No. You never think about anybody but yourself. And I literally, from that moment on, have never asked my mother for anything. Never looked to her for anything.

[Ira Glass]

How old were you then?

[Christiana]

I was 10.

[Natalia]

Through the years, I've truly envied him that. That he has been able to do that and that I have been unable to do that. Not believing that I'm going to get anything from her. I know I haven't, but I have never. I haven't been. Been able to this moment, to just take her out of my life, complete me.

[Ira Glass]

How often do you see her now?

[Natalia]

Do I see her?

[Ira Glass]

Yeah.

[Natalia]

I am now seeing her twice a week. I mean, I call her every night, which is all something to do with me because she doesn't know that I.

[Ira Glass]

Call her every night because she's becoming senile.

[Natalia]

Yes.

[Ira Glass]

Yeah.

[Natalia]

Yes.

[Ira Glass]

What do you think you've gotten by being the one caring for her?

[Natalia]

Um. One time when I was 35, I lashed out at her in such a way and told her how I felt about her. And she sat in a chair in the kitchen, and she was crying, and I'd never even seen her cry before. And when I finally stopped talking, she said, I did the very best I could. And I thought, oh, my God, she did. Her best was so bad. Her best was so empty. But she couldn't do any better. I decided. And it helps me a lot. I have a great aunt that I just adored, and my mother's mother, who was wonderful, and my great grandmother, who I didn't know, but who adored my mother. My mother slept in bed with her. I thought, I'm going to do this for the people that loved her. You know, all of the people that really loved this little girl. I'm going to do it for them. And that feels fine to me.

[Ira Glass]

You know, what you're describing is you and your sister going off and pretending to babysit for these imaginary kids, but in fact, you guys had a babysitting job and it was for your mom.

[Christiana]

That's right. That's right. My sister was the chief babysitter there.

[Ira Glass]

Really?

[Christiana]

It's true.

[Ira Glass]

At the time, when you were kids, did you. When you were kids, did you ever see it that way? Oh, we're taking care of Mom. She thinks she's taking care of us, but we're taking care of her.

[Christiana]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. There was a kind of humoring her and placating her. And when I was about 10, she gave me a first baseman's glove because I was going to be a major league ball player when I grew up. And she said, you tell people who gave you the glove? I said, yeah. You tell them how much it cost? I didn't, but I said, yeah. Did you tell them how long I had to work to buy that? I said, yeah. She said, you did not.

[Ira Glass]

Well, let's set the record straight. Here we go. You're on the radio. How long did your mother have to work to buy you the baseball glove?

[Christiana]

She had to work a week.

[Ira Glass]

That's a long time.

[Christiana]

Absolutely. Representative. I've thought about it since then. Have I ever given my kids a present that was worth a week's wages? No, I haven't.

[Ira Glass]

Mr. Jones, what would have happened if there hadn't been the McCreeries.

[Christiana]

The McCreeries seem absolutely inevitable. I never thought about what would happen if they hadn't been there.

[Ira Glass]

Wow.

[Christiana]

They had to be there. I. I still think they would be in, let's see, they would be 56, 57 years old. I've wondered where they're living, how they're doing.

[Ira Glass]

Where do you picture them?

[Christiana]

I picture them doing very well and kind of dull now.

[Ira Glass]

Really?

[Christiana]

Yeah. I don't picture them as being terribly interesting. They're more conservative than their parents. But nice, pleasant, good people.

[Ira Glass]

Where do you think they're living?

[Christiana]

I'm afraid I think they're living in Florida.

[Ira Glass]

They are not too far from where you are.

[Christiana]

I may run into them in the store.

[Ira Glass]

Myron and Carol both said there was no way their mother would ever hear this story on the radio. And the fact is, she never did. The story was first broadcast in 2001. She died at the age of 95 in 2002. After she died, Carol told Myron the secret that she had promised her mother she would never tell him. It turns out her mom didn't actually buy that baseball glove for Myron. Their uncle bought the and when it arrived at the house, wrapped as a gift, Myron's mom intercepted it, gave it to him, and pretended it was from her all along. Carol lives in California. Myron, who is a model of grace and good humor in that interview, died in 2011 at the age of 80. Lovely man. Now, if you want this choice position, have a cheery disposition, rosy cheeks, no walks, play games, all songs, you must.

[Dylan]

Be kind, you must be witty, very sweet and fairly pretty.

[Ira Glass]

Take us on outings, give us treats, sing songs, bring sweets. Well, today's program, our first show, is produced by Alex Blumberg and myself with Blue Chevigny, Jonathan Goldstein, Starley Klein, Julie Snyder and Aaron Yankee. Our technical director is Matt Tierney, production help for Today's show by B.A. parker. Our website, thisamericanlife.org this American Life is delivered to public radio stations by prx, the Public Radio Exchange. Thanks as always to our program's co founder, Mr. Tory Malatea. You still ask me after every single show.

[Christiana]

You tell them how much it cost. You tell them how long I had to work to buy that. You did not.

[Ira Glass]

I'm Ira Glass. Back next week with more stories of this American life. Hurry, nanny, hurry, hurry, nanny. Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry.

[Sarah]

You're the one for us.

[Ira Glass]

Support for NPR and the following message come from Texas Mutual Insurance Company. By investing in local communities and rewarding policyholders for prioritizing safety. They are building a more resilient Texas. [e-mail] texansgetit Texas Mutual Texans get it.