This American Life – Episode 393: Infidelity (April 19, 2026)

Episode Overview

This episode of This American Life, hosted by Ira Glass, explores the theme of infidelity—in all its messy, human complexity. The program goes beyond simplistic judgments and surfaces rarely-heard perspectives: the cheaters, the cheated-upon, the bystanders, and those who hover in temptation’s grayest zones. Through candid interviews and gripping narrative, listeners hear stories that oscillate between the comic, poignant, and honest-to-the-bone. The show dissects cultural narratives, challenges black-and-white morality, and reveals the ripple effects of betrayal on families, friends, and the people at the center of these entanglements.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

The Social Shift in How We Speak about Cheating

[00:29–04:17]

• Jessica Pressler’s Discovery: Noted how The New York Times’ “Vows” section began normalizing cheating as part of “meet-cutes,” whitewashing infidelity as “a bumpy road.”
• Language Critique: Ruby Wright observes that the euphemisms like “obstacles along the way” or “ups and downs” obscure that “those are people, those are like other lives. They're not speed bumps.” (01:55–02:11)
• Ignored Voices: Discussion centers on how the ex-partners’ pain is erased: “It's almost as if the newspaper is siding with the cheating couple. The ex partner is just collateral damage.” – Ira Glass (03:33)

Act 1: “Let Me Kiss Your Stiff Upper Lip”: The Family Torn by Infidelity

[05:12–19:27]

• Ruby Wright Interviews Her Parents and ‘The Other Man’: A deeply personal segment in which Ruby, an illustrator and author, speaks to her parents (Lyle and George) and Andrew, who became the catalyst for the family’s rupture.
• Origins of the Affair: Andrew, a new arrival in rural Dorset, befriends the family; emotional intimacy with Lyle grows amidst her father’s death and personal grief.
  • “As my father was dying at home of cancer, I was falling deeper and deeper in love with this man, Andrew.” – Lyle (07:31)
• Discovery and Fallout: The affair is revealed through Lyle’s diary; Ruby experiences both shock and betrayal; George (the cheated-on husband) responds with surprising restraint:
  • “He said, Andrew, I've lost my partner. I don't want to lose my best friend.” – Andrew recalls George’s words (12:52)
• Reflections on Selfishness, Guilt, and Loss: Lyle expresses retrospective shock at her obliviousness to her family’s pain:
  • “I was on this sort of track and I was heading off on it. Nothing was going to deter me. But as I say, almost as if I deserved it, almost as if I was owed it.” (11:43)
• Aftermath: Paradoxically, Andrew is embraced by the family even after Lyle and he break up, leaving Lyle feeling exiled:
  • “I felt like I was living in exile... Andrew was welcomed into the bosom of the family and I think that caused enormous resentment from me.” – Lyle (15:38)
• The Enduring Damage: Lyle reflects on what she lost by pursuing the affair—most painfully, her daughter’s trust through adolescence:
  • “My biggest loss was losing you for five years at puberty.” (18:00)
• Blame and Relationship Dynamics: Both Lyle and George reflect on whether it’s possible to build a lasting relationship with the person you left your family for.

Act 2: “The Italian Job”: On the Edge of Infidelity

[23:52–38:19]

• Storyteller: James Brawley relates, with wit and vulnerability, a tale from his youth—traveling through Europe with his girlfriend and nearly succumbing to temptation with another woman.
• Theme of Indecision and Restlessness: James is pathologically indecisive—not just about destinations but about relationships, always searching for the next option.
• Comic Anxiety About Fidelity: Brawley’s neuroses center on his self-image, his fear of being revealed, and the intense, awkward pressure of an “almost affair;” the beach scene becomes a metaphor for both physical and emotional exposure.
• Memorable Moment: Even as opportunity arises for cheating, James resists:
  • “I can't do it to Susan… I can't and I've actually made a choice. After seven days, seven years really, most of my adult life, to lie there next to Susan and, right or wrong, finally be me.” (37:58)
• Emotional Climax: After this near-miss, he breaks down—not with pride or regret, but relief at having chosen, at last, to be present in his own life.

Act 3: “How Did I Get Here?” The Mistress’ Perspective

[39:03–54:59]

• Narrator: Writer Dani Shapiro shares her account of being the “other woman,” entangled in the lies of a married man named Lenny.
• Layered Deceptions: Lenny spins a complex web—his wife’s imagined illnesses, his “incurable” responsibilities, and endless justifications.
• Gradual Realization: Dani details the denial, self-deception, and gradual awakening to Lenny’s lies:
  • “I was doing an even better imitation of a mistress.” (42:25)
• Painful Family Encounter: Dani tries to host her parents in her lover-funded apartment, wrestling with the surreal distance that’s opened in her life.
  • “Some small piece of me wanted my father to fling me over his shoulder and carry me kicking and screaming to the car…” (45:55)
• Turning Point: After hiring a private detective and her mother’s direct confrontation with Lenny's wife, the scale of betrayal is finally undeniable.
• Aftershocks and Escape: Even with evidence, Dani finds herself drawn back until a family tragedy jolts her free:
  • “Suddenly, in ways I could not have imagined seconds earlier, nothing else mattered… I knew then what I had to do.” (54:35)

Act 4: “The Man Who Knew What I Was About to Say”: The Aftermath and Universal Script of Cheating

[55:33–59:03]

• Short Story by Etgar Keret (Read by Matt Malloy): A surreal narrative captures the futility and repetition inherent in covering up infidelity. Two men on a plane mirror each other’s words and lies—about perfume for a wife, travel excuses, etc.—until the listener realizes how universal and empty the script of cheating can feel.
• Notable Quote: “His answers were the best ones under the circumstances. His circumstances weren’t too hot. Mine weren’t either.” (56:39)
• Metaphor for Helplessness: The protagonist, paralyzed, watches as the script of cheating unfolds for both men; trust and forgiveness are irretrievable.

Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• On euphemism in wedding announcements:
  • Ruby Wright: “They encountered some obstacles along the way and it’s like, no, those are people. They’re not speed bumps.” [01:55–02:11]
• On emotional blindness:
  • Lyle: “I am shocked now at how incredibly selfishly I acted and how oblivious I was to your pain and George’s pain and Ed’s pain.” [11:43]
• On loyalty and friendship:
  • Andrew (about George): “He said, Andrew, I’ve lost my partner. I don’t want to lose my best friend.” [12:52]
• On the enduring effects of betrayal:
  • Lyle: “My biggest loss was losing you for five years at puberty.” [18:00]
• On why people cheat even in happy marriages:
  • Reader quoting a study: “56% of men and 34% of women in one of my mom's studies said they cheated though their marriage was happy.” [22:41]
• Go-to reasons for cheating:
  • Danny Shapiro (about Lenny): “My little girl is dying, he would say whenever I noticed the discrepancies in his stories or My children’s mother is having electroshock therapy.” [48:22]
• On the moment of clarity:
  • James Brawley: “It’s an overwhelmingly sad and yet strangely comforting relief to lie there and know that I can’t [cheat] and that I’ve actually made a choice.” [37:58]
• On the aftermath script:
  • Etgar Keret (read by Matt Milwaukee): “His answers were the best ones under the circumstances. His circumstances weren’t too hot, not too hot at all. Mine weren’t either.” [56:39]

Important Segment Timestamps

• 00:29–04:17 — Societal shifts in language about infidelity (Pressler & Wright)
• 05:12–19:27 — Act 1: Family affair story (Wright, Lyle, George, Andrew)
• 23:52–38:19 — Act 2: Tale of near-infidelity abroad (James Brawley)
• 39:03–54:59 — Act 3: Mistress’s first-person account (Dani Shapiro)
• 55:33–59:03 — Act 4: Aftermath & “the universal script” of cheating (Etgar Keret)

Tone and Language

• The tone throughout is candid, confessional, and often laced with a dry wit or poignant understatement.
• Speakers wrestle with self-awareness, vulnerability, and a sense of the absurdity of human rationalization and desire.
• The stories challenge simple moralizing, urging empathy and reflection.

Conclusion

Infidelity—as portrayed in this episode—is less an act and more a series of choices, denials, and consequences that reverberate through lives, often in unforeseen ways. This American Life lets each voice, from the euphemistic “Vows” page to the utterly lost 22-year-old mistress, speak in its full humanity. There are no easy answers, only complex, deeply felt stories.