This American Life: Episode 835 - "Children of Dave"
Host: Ira Glass
Producer: Bowen Wong
Release Date: May 18, 2025
Introduction
In episode 835, titled "Children of Dave," This American Life delves deep into the intricate relationship between faith, family, and personal identity. Bowen Wong, an audio producer and adjunct instructor from Pittsburgh, shares his poignant journey of understanding why his immigrant parents embraced Christianity upon arriving in America and how this decision profoundly impacted his own life.
Family Origins and Legacy at 11:19 Bayard Street
Bowen begins by recounting his family's history rooted in 11:19 Bayard Street, a small grocery store owned by his great-grandfather in downtown Baltimore during the early to mid-20th century. This location is more than just an address; it's a symbol of his family's legacy and the birthplace of numerous family stories.
Notable Quote:
"I am who I am partly because of this place. But now it's mute."
— Bowen Wong [05:45]
He touches on pivotal family anecdotes, such as his father's early experiences in the store, which shaped his later career in accounting, and his grandmother Frida's reluctant return to the family business during tough times.
The Crossroads at Oklahoma City Airport
The heart of the episode revolves around a transformative moment in June 1989 when Bowen's father arrives at the Oklahoma City airport to pursue a PhD at the University of Oklahoma. Feeling lost and alone, he encounters Dave, a compassionate local who becomes instrumental in his conversion to Christianity.
Notable Quote:
"So I prayed to God, oh, Sang Di, ask Sang Di to help me. That's how I think I prayed for the first time."
— Bowen Wong's Father [57:11]
Dave introduces Bowen's father to Christianity, providing not just spiritual guidance but also practical support. This encounter sets the stage for his parents' deep involvement in the church, fundamentally shaping Bowen's upbringing.
Bowen's Childhood in the Church
Growing up, Bowen was immersed in Christian practices—attending church every Sunday, participating in Bible studies, and engaging in youth retreats. However, this environment also ingrained in him a pervasive sense of self-loathing and shame, particularly surrounding his sexuality and self-worth.
Notable Quote:
"I am a worthless piece of shit."
— Bowen Wong [14:15]
Despite being raised in a loving family, Bowen's internal struggles are starkly contrasted with his friend Andrew, who shares similar self-loathing despite being raised without religious influence.
Departure from Faith and Its Consequences
At 25, Bowen begins to distance himself from Christianity, leading to familial and personal conflicts. His attempt to reconcile his past with his present culminates in a heartfelt conversation with Dave, where he confronts the roots of his self-hatred.
Notable Quote:
"The Christian difference is a need to punish myself for my existence."
— Bowen Wong [46:56]
This pivotal moment highlights the long-lasting effects of his upbringing and the complex interplay between enforced belief and personal identity.
Comparative Reflections with Andrew
To understand whether Christianity was the root cause of his self-loathing, Bowen conducts a personal experiment with his high school friend Andrew, who was raised by atheist parents. Surprisingly, Andrew exhibits similar self-destructive behaviors, suggesting that the origins of Bowen's struggles may lie deeper than religious conditioning.
Notable Quote:
"Andrew didn't even have to grow up Christian to hate himself and for his self hatred to manifest in the exact same way."
— Bowen Wong [44:18]
This comparison prompts Bowen to question the fundamental sources of self-worth and shame beyond religious frameworks.
Parental Reflections and Regrets
As Bowen delves deeper into his family's past, conversations with his mother reveal her regrets about blindly adhering to church teachings without critical engagement. She acknowledges the transactional nature of their initial church involvement and expresses sorrow over the emotional distance it created within the family.
Notable Quote:
"We really didn't check and how you receive the information. We didn't really talk to you that much... We just Blindly believe everything what church teaches is right."
— Bowen Wong's Mother [48:25]
This candid admission underscores the unintended consequences of their conversion, emphasizing the human cost of religious rigidness.
Dave's Unwavering Faith and Legacy
Dave, the man who introduced Bowen's father to Christianity, remains a beacon of unwavering faith and unconditional love. Despite Bowen's rejection of Christianity, Dave exemplifies the principles of forgiveness and steadfast belief, even extending his compassion to Bowen's parents during familial conflicts.
Notable Quote:
"If someone chooses to reject Christianity, they need to be loved, whatever their decision is."
— Dave [30:18]
Bowen's interactions with Dave, especially their final conversation at the assisted living facility, encapsulate the enduring impact of kindness and faith, leaving Bowen with a conflicted sense of admiration and resentment.
Historical Context: Prayer Before the Tiananmen Square Massacre
An evocative moment in the episode reveals Bowen's father's spontaneous prayer during the June 1989 Tiananmen Square crisis, years before his conversion in America. This act of desperation and belief hints at a subconscious readiness to embrace faith when finally introduced by Dave in the United States.
Notable Quote:
"Now his future is crumbling before his eyes. In this most desperate hour, my dad does something he's never done before. So I prayed to God, oh, Sang Di, ask Sang Di to help me."
— Bowen Wong [57:11]
This backstory adds depth to the inevitability of Dave's role in his family's spiritual journey.
Conclusion: Navigating Identity and Legacy
"Children of Dave" is a moving exploration of how external influences, particularly faith, shape personal and familial identities. Bowen Wong's introspective narrative emphasizes the complex legacy of parental decisions, the search for self amidst inherited beliefs, and the enduring question of where one's true source of self-worth resides.
Notable Quote:
"I was actually damaged by going to church and being raised in church. Does that make sense?"
— Bowen Wong [50:58]
Through heartfelt storytelling and thoughtful reflections, Bowen invites listeners to contemplate the profound and sometimes conflicting ways in which our upbringing molds who we become.
Additional Information
- Produced by: Bowen Wong
- Assistance from: Thea Bennen, Michael Comite, Henry Larson, Seth Lynn, Catherine Raimondo, Safiya Riddle, Ryan Romery, Alyssa Shipp, Elise Spiegel, Christopher Sotala, Matt Tierney
- Managing Editor: Sara Abderrahman
- Senior Editor: David Kestenbaum
- Executive Editor: Emmanuel Berry
- Special Thanks: Rebecca Curtis (University of Oklahoma), Ahsin Hua, Jenny Lin, Man Hong Liu, Jessie Nas, Greta Ziwi (Red Cayman Studios)
For more stories, visit thisamericanlife.org.
This summary captures the essence and key moments of episode 835, "Children of Dave," providing a comprehensive overview for those who haven't listened to the full episode.