Podcast Summary: This Can't Be That Hard

Episode 337 – Handling Difficult Clients with Confidence

Host: Annemie Tonken
Date: October 7, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode, Annemie Tonken addresses one of the toughest aspects of running a photography business: dealing with difficult clients. She offers practical strategies for responding to upset or demanding clients with professionalism, empathy, and clear boundaries. Annemie emphasizes that while stressful client interactions are inevitable, they don’t have to shake your confidence or compromise your business values.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Emotional Impact of a Difficult Client Message

• Opening scenario: Annemie describes the sinking feeling of receiving a sharply worded email from a client ([00:00]).
  • She notes that such emails can leave entrepreneurs questioning themselves or feeling attacked.
• “Nine times out of ten, it’s not really about me.” Annemie explains that client tension often stems from their own stresses, especially during busy seasons ([01:45]).
  • “That tension, it has to go somewhere, and sometimes it sort of spills over directly into your lap, right?” ([02:00])

2. First Step: Emotional Detachment and Self-Talk

• Annemie’s advice: “This is not about me as a person. This is about a situation.” She suggests repeating this privately to avoid internalizing negativity ([03:05]).
  • This mindset makes it easier to respond calmly and with empathy.

3. Staying Calm: Lessons from the Field

• Annemie references a past interview with Melody McDonald, a former 911 dispatcher, who discussed staying calm in high-pressure situations ([05:30]).
  • Key takeaway: While photography isn’t life or death, emotional intensity can still feel overwhelming—remaining grounded is crucial.

4. How to Respond: Empathy First, Solutions Second

• Empathy is the starting point: Don’t jump straight to contracts or defensive explanations.
  • Example phrase:
    “I completely understand how stressful it is trying to get everything ready in time for the holidays...” ([08:40])
• Offer clear options within your boundaries:
  • If a client wants their gallery early, offer a partial delivery or expedited service (if available and appropriate), but don’t overextend (“You are offering support but doing so within the structure of your business.” [10:00]).

5. The Importance of Boundaries

• Over-delivering to appease clients may offer temporary relief but leads to burnout.
  • Annemie confesses: “I have stayed up late editing galleries I had no business touching that night...All of these things were in the name of good service, right? But guess what? It never actually feels good.” ([12:15])
• Reframe: Boundaries aren’t about being cold; they’re about business sustainability.
  • “You can care very deeply about your clients and still say, I want to make sure that you get the best version of your photos. And that takes time.” ([14:00])

6. Proactive Communication: Put Policies in Writing

• Clearly outline timelines, office hours, and deliverables in contracts, email templates, and client guides ([15:20]).
  • When issues arise, refer back to pre-established expectations to avoid justification-on-the-fly.

7. When to Walk Away

• For clients who repeatedly cross boundaries or become disrespectful, it’s acceptable to professionally end the relationship.
  • “It is okay to walk away. You are allowed to say, this isn’t working, or, I’m sorry, but I am no longer the right photographer for this job.” ([18:22])
• Annemie shares a personal story of ending a client relationship after persistent red flags, emphasizing the importance of prioritizing mental health.
  • “It gave me the clarity to sort of firm up some of my policies and trust my gut earlier in the process the next time around.” ([21:00])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “This is not about me as a person. This is about a situation.”
  — Annemie Tonken ([03:05])

• “Empathy comes first, solutions come second.”
  — Annemie Tonken ([08:30])

• “Every time you stretch your boundaries to make someone else happy, you are teaching not only them, but yourself, that your limits don’t matter. And over time, that is what leads to burnout.”
  — Annemie Tonken ([12:45])

• “Boundaries aren’t about being rigid, they’re about being sustainable.”
  — Annemie Tonken ([14:05])

• “You are allowed to choose peace over profit. One hard client does not define your career.”
  — Annemie Tonken ([22:00])

Important Timestamps

• 00:00 — Introduction and emotional realities of dealing with difficult clients
• 03:05 — The “It’s not about me” self-talk strategy
• 05:30 — Reference to past episode with Melody McDonald on staying calm
• 08:30 — Empathy-first communication techniques
• 12:15 — Personal stories of overextending and lessons on boundaries
• 15:20 — Setting policies in writing and managing expectations
• 18:22 — When to walk away from a problematic client
• 21:00 — Personal example of ending a client relationship and its benefits
• 22:00 — Final encouragement to put yourself and your well-being first

Tone & Closing Thoughts

Annemie’s tone is warm, supportive, and candid—she shares both personal anecdotes and actionable advice. The underlying message is empowering: difficult clients are a fact of business, but with the right mindset, empathetic communication, and well-defined boundaries, you can handle any challenge with confidence and maintain the joy in your work.

Closing encouragement:
"When you can step back, recognize where the tension is really coming from, respond with empathy and clarity and hold your boundaries with kindness and confidence, you protect more than just your business. You truly do protect your peace of mind. And honestly, that’s what allows you to keep showing up and serving well, not just this season, but in the long haul. You’ve got this, my friends.” ([23:00])