385: What if you found healing through saving abandoned dogs?

Summary

Podcast Summary: This Is Actually Happening

Episode 385: What if you found healing through saving abandoned dogs?
Release Date: November 25, 2025
Host: Wit Misseldine
Guest: Tamara Corbett

---

Overview

In this moving episode, Tamara Corbett recounts her journey through unimaginable grief after the tragic loss of her only child, Mackenzie. Her story traces an upbringing marked by familial trauma, the joys and complexities of early motherhood, and the shattering loss that upended her world. Eventually, Tamara finds a path to healing by dedicating herself to rescuing and fostering abandoned dogs. Her narrative blends raw pain, moments of hope, and ultimately, the lifeline of compassion and purpose she discovers through animal rescue.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Trauma and Cycles of Family Abuse

• Early Childhood:

  • Tamara describes growing up in a home with no affection, dominated by her father's physical abuse and her mother's passive acceptance.
    • “My father...for my father, it was physical abuse. Smack us in the head, hit us anywhere...I think he didn’t know any better because probably that's just the way his parents handled things.” (03:21)
  • Instances of severe abuse, including her father rupturing her eardrum, frequently led to hospital visits and cover-up stories.
  • Despite apologies and vows to change, the abuse endured: “My dad always super apologetic...and he would always say, ‘We are going to be better people.’” (08:13)

• Impact on Tamara:

  • Internalizes family dynamics, leading to her enacting violence toward her sister, another echo of the family’s unresolved pain.
  • Emotional needs go unmet, fostering confusion and a longing for genuine connection.

2. Teenage Motherhood and Shifting Family Dynamics

• Pregnancy at 17:
  • Tamara’s unplanned pregnancy mirrors her own mother’s life, causing distress but, in time, celebration.
  • Tamara’s relationship with her daughter grows into her most profound connection:
    • “I couldn’t have asked for anything better in my life than to be the mother of this child.” (11:12)
  • Despite familial strife, Mackenzie brings Tamara joy and a sense of purpose.
  • Tamara fights for custody and creates a tightly bonded, two-person family with her daughter.

3. Loss and Deep Grief

• The Accident:
  • On June 7, 2002, Mackenzie (age 10) dies in a devastating car accident while visiting her father.
  • Tamara learns the news in a surreal, out-of-body state, and her world collapses:
    • “Her not being alive is not even crossing my mind...No, that doesn’t happen.” (21:25)
  • Profound descriptions of grief:
    • “It feels like when you take a sock and turn it inside out, maybe put the sock over your head. You can't see, you can't think clearly. You're covered in grief.” (01:14 & 28:41)
    • “When you cry, you become so weak because it’s so tight, like a straitjacket.” (29:48)
  • Disconnection from daily life, loss of function, and struggles with friends and family.

4. Navigating Grief and Seeking Distraction

• Descent and Survival:
  • Attempts to numb the pain through substance use and clinging to relationships.
  • Moves to Las Vegas, then San Francisco, where she finds solace in plant care and horticulture:
    • “Getting into horticulture is the best thing that could have ever happened because now, for the first time, I have something to take care of. And that was it. I fell in love with plant propagation, taking care of these plants. I was back to being an active mother.” (31:45)

5. Rescue, Redemption, and a New Purpose

• Mexico and Dog Rescue:
  • Tamara moves to Ensenada, Mexico, for a fresh start, forming an unexpected bond with abandoned dogs living near her home.
  • Never having owned a dog herself, she starts by feeding and caring for strays—motivated by the memory that Mackenzie always wanted a dog.
  • Her journey evolves into founding the “Hotel Baja California for Dogs,” a sanctuary where abandoned dogs receive care, socialization, and pathways to adoption:
    • “My idea when I started looking for puppies was just a foster...I built up a reputation down in Ensenada for taking puppies.” (36:58)
• Travieso Dog Sanctuary
  • The mission grows with the support of volunteers and legal nonprofit status, upscaling to “Travieso Dog Sanctuary.”
  • Remarkable Adoptions: Over six years, Tamara directly helps hundreds of dogs, such as the resilient special-needs dog Amelia, whose survival and eventual adoption are described as moments of joy and healing.

6. Healing and Reflections on Grief

• The Power of Giving Care:
  • Animal rescue becomes a profound channel for Tamara’s love and loss:
    • “...the love, this unconditional love that these dogs present you with...they lay their head on your lap...they just want to be with you.” (34:41)
• Signs and the Spirit of Mackenzie:
  • Tamara shares the belief that Mackenzie sends her “signs” and is still helping guide her:
    • “There were angels everywhere...I just knew that they were signs. When I would see these angels, I was just stunned and thankful.” (48:35)
    • “She sends me these dogs. She sends me the...She opens my mind. She puts something in my path that makes me have to take care of it.” (49:28)
• Meaning-Making:
  • Finds comfort in reframing her pain:
    • “Everything is an illusion and you create the illusion...you can spin it any way you want because if you don’t, you’ll just cry all day.” (49:50)
    • “Having my daughter and losing my daughter were the best gifts that I could have been given.” (50:06)
• Message of Hope:
  • “You have to spin it to be happy. You have to. And there’s always a happy spin...It’s lemons all around. It’s how do you grab the good lemons and make that lemonade?” (50:08)

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |-----------|-------------------|-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:14 | Tamara Corbett | “It feels like when you take a sock and turn it inside out, maybe put the sock over your head. You can't see, you can't think clearly. You're covered in grief.” | | 03:21 | Tamara Corbett | “For my father, it was physical abuse...Smack us in the head...They were never happy. We never saw any affection. It was only abuse.” | | 11:12 | Tamara Corbett | “I couldn’t have asked for anything better in my life than to be the mother of this child.” | | 21:25 | Tamara Corbett | “Her not being alive is not even crossing my mind...No, that doesn’t happen.” | | 29:48 | Tamara Corbett | “When you cry, you become so weak because it’s so tight, like a straitjacket, just tight.” | | 31:45 | Tamara Corbett | “Getting into horticulture is the best thing that could have ever happened because now, for the first time, I have something to take care of. And that was it. I fell in love with plant propagation.” | | 34:41 | Tamara Corbett | “...the love, this unconditional love that these dogs present you with...they lay their head on your lap...they just want to be with you.” | | 49:28 | Tamara Corbett | “She sends me these dogs...She opens my mind. She puts something in my path that makes me have to take care of it. And it's not a chore.” | | 50:06 | Tamara Corbett | “Having my daughter and losing my daughter were the best gifts that I could have been given.” | | 50:08 | Tamara Corbett | “You have to spin it to be happy. You have to. And there’s always a happy spin...It’s lemons all around. It’s how do you grab the good lemons and make that lemonade?” |

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Upbringing and Family Trauma: 03:21 – 11:12
• Motherhood and Bond with Mackenzie: 11:12 – 20:56
• Accident and Onset of Grief: 20:56 – 31:45
• Moving, Horticulture, First Steps to Healing: 31:45 – 34:41
• Mexico, Dog Rescue Begins: 34:41 – 39:10
• Foundation of Dog Sanctuary, Notable Stories: 39:10 – 44:42
• Reflections on Grief and Meaning: 48:35 – End

---

Final Thoughts

Tamara’s journey is a testament to endurance, vulnerability, and the unexpected routes healing and meaning can take. Losing her only child forced her to reimagine purpose; from plants to dogs, her narrative demonstrates how acts of care—no matter how small—can generate new life and light from even the deepest sorrow.

If you’re interested in supporting Tamara’s rescue or connecting with her, details are in the episode show notes.

---

Episode Credits:

• Guest: Tamara Corbett
• Host: Wit Misseldine
• Podcast: This Is Actually Happening, Wondery

Transcript

[Wondery Announcer]

Wonder plus subscribers can listen to exclusive episodes of this Is Actually Happening by joining Wonder plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.

[Wit Misseldine]

This Is Actually Happening features real experiences that often include traumatic events. Please consult the Show Notes for specific content warnings on each episode and for more information about support services.

[Tamara Corbett]

Hi listeners, I'm thrilled to share that you can now pre order the special this Is Actually Happening book that we've mentioned over the last couple weeks. This is a beautifully illustrated book of 10 of the most beloved episodes of the show, including an introduction by me. This is a limited run of the book and each copy will be hand numbered and personally signed. If you pre order now, we can guarantee shipping by December 8th to arrive in time for the holidays. To order, please find the link in our Show Notes and you can also find it in our Instagram biotappening. So if you're looking for something meaningful to give this year, one that also helps support the show, this book makes a beautiful gift for a fan or for yourself. And now on to today's episode what if you found healing through saving abandoned dogs?

It feels like when you take a sock and turn it inside out, maybe put the sock over your head. You can't see, you can't think clearly. You're covered in grief.

[Wit Misseldine]

From wondery. I'm wit misseldine. You're listening to this is actually happening.

[Tamara Corbett]

Episode 385, what if you found healing through saving abandoned dogs?

[Sponsor Voice]

This Is actually Happening is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy to see if you could save when you bundle your home and auto policies. Try [e-mail] Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states.

[Tommy Alters]

The WNBA playoffs are in full swing and Tommy Alters the young man in the three brings you closer to the game. Get complete WNBA playoff coverage as Tommy sits down with the game's biggest stars and delivers unmatched analysis. The Young man in the 3's WNBA playoff coverage is presented by Quest Nutrition. From irresistibly crunchy protein chips to rich chocolatey protein bars, these treats make giving in feel so good. Quest Big on protein, Low on sugar, Huge on flavor. Shop Quest on [e-mail] questnutrition and enjoy all the WNBA action on the Young Men and the three. Wherever you get your podcasts.

[Tamara Corbett]

My father's originally from Southern California. My mom is from Chicago. She came out here when she was 12 with her mother and when she was a Teenager. She was cruising in Pomona with her girlfriends. And I guess my dad was grand cruising also. So they met out of a car window, cruising. And then my mom got pregnant with my sister, so she was 17 when she gave birth. So when I was a young kid growing up, the way my parents would handle misbehavior, for my father, it was physical abuse. Smack us in the head, hit us anywhere with his hands. He didn't know any better because probably that's just the way his parents handled things. So physical abuse was very rampant. They were never happy. We never saw any affection. It was only abuse. Them yelling at each other, or we would wake up in the morning with holes in the walls or broken lamps. This is mostly from my father. Yeah. My mom never fought back. She didn't know any better. She never followed her own voice. She never did her own thing. She just went by what everybody else told her to do. Things were never discussed. They were just a force of action. And so with this force of action, I was doing the same violence all before Ted. The same violence. I didn't know any better. When my sister would do something that would anger me, I would hit her. Her defense mechanism. And she was tall, like my father, two and a half years older. She would run to whatever flat surface there was, a couch or a bed, she would run to it, and she would lay down and she would kick her feet at me. And that was the only way that she could keep me off of her. As a teenager, I had a paper route, and I didn't have the papers out on time. And my dad comes around the corner and he's like, these papers should already be out, and blah, blah, blah. And he sends my crew home. All of you, get out of here. And they're. They're not even down the driveway before he smacks me upside the head. And I'm in just massive pain. My mom gets into the house at this time. I am hysterical at this point. So I go and I tell my mother, I'm. You know, there's something wrong. Well, my dad had struck me so hard that he busted my eardrum. So now we gotta go to the er. So we're figuring out a story on the way to the hospital of how this happened. I'm being coached that a softball hit me in the head that busted the eardrum. When I get to the hospital, they had to put a vacuum in there, and they sucked out all the broken tissue. They always ask, how did this happen? They're not buying it. You know, they're not buying it at the hospital. And so. Okay, well, my dad hit me. Okay. Does he drink? Nope, doesn't drink sober. Is it your real dad? Yep, it's my real dad. It wasn't my first time. My father sent me to the hospital. And these are the main questions they always ask when I go to the hospital from my father's injuries. My dad always super apologetic. He always would apologize for the abuse, and he would always say, it's never going to happen again. And he would always say, we are going to be better people. Not just him, but he would always say, we are going to be better people. We're not going to do this again. You know, and me just being so confused because it should have never happened. As I became a teen, I questioned a lot of things, and I became more of a rebellion. I kind of admired the boys from afar, but I never had a boyfriend. Nobody ever asked me out. I never went to any dances. But when I was about to turn 16, I got a job at Kenny Shoes, and I loved that job. And I remember meeting this guy named Francis, and I was just head over heels for him, but I was too young. Well, his brother was a different story. He was a little bit closer to my age. And so the brother and I started dating Chris. So after nine months, we break up. I'm 17 at this point. He's 21. And all of a sudden, I start feeling sick. I go to the doctor, and I'm like, I'm dying. I can't smoke cigarettes. I'm, like, feeling sick all the time. And they do a pregnancy test, and it comes out positive. And I'm shocked. A day or two later, my mom is inviting me to go to my favorite restaurant. It's just her and I. This is going to be the perfect time for me to say what's going on with me. And so I tell her I'm pregnant, and she just immediately starts crying. I was 17 when I got pregnant. My mom and I were the exact same age. So when my mom found out I was pregnant, she was just devastated. And, you know, she didn't want the same life for me that she had. But I say to her, I want this. I'm keeping this baby. So whatever you guys have to say, I want you to know my intentions. Chris and I had broke up, so I just continue to be at their house, 17 and pregnant. And they all became excited about it, which was very strange. I remember being huge, and I would be driving with my father and him talking to the baby in my stomach. And I was so uncomfortable because he loved us. My mom loves us too. They gave us everything they knew how to give us. But it was the physical abuse that was the. The hard thing. So we just never had that loving relationship. At 11:52, Monday morning, April 13th, this eight pound, four and a half ounce baby pushes out of me. And I'm just horrified because I look at her, she looks identical to her father. I chose to keep you. I went through all this pain to birth a mini Chris. And so they're like, do you want to hold her? And I just remember going, no, give her to my mom if my mom takes her. And I'm watching my mom and I'm just like, okay, my mom's the first one to hold her. But, you know, seeing her, the little Kris face that only lasted that day in the hospital. And then she was mine. And it was the best feeling I had ever experienced. I couldn't have asked for anything better in my life than to be the mother of this child. I named her Mackenzie Noel. And then I get home and my dad just was in love with her, which was so strange for me to watch everybody be so in love with her. I ended up moving to the bedroom downstairs. And that's just how we were for the next couple of years. I would go and call up the stairs to my mom and I would say, mom. I'd have this little thing walking behind me. Mom, you know, so she just emulated everything I did and mimicked me. She had three parents. So I lived with my parents until MacKenzie was two and a half. And I worked nights at a club. And so I would get home at like 3:00 in the morning. And so, well, my mom got mad at me for something and said, okay, we're not babysitting anymore. And so I had to figure something out. And I'm, you know, 20. And so I call her dad. Her dad's in Palm Springs. I said, listen, my parents aren't going to babysit for me anymore. I need somebody to watch her at night. So can she come to your house on the weekends? And we end up working it out. And that's what we did. It had only been a couple months or so. I end up losing my job. So I said, chris, she's not coming to your house because I lost my job and she doesn't need to go. My mom says, no, she's still going out there. And so I have her in my arms and we're in the hallway right by the front door, and she comes and she Tries to take her out of my arms. And I said, no, she couldn't get her out of my arms as she's tugging, you know, a two year old. So then she calls for my father. My father has no idea what's going on. But he comes behind me, he gets me in a chokehold. He lifts me up off the ground until I'm about to pass out and release Mackenzie from my arms. She takes Mackenzie and she goes out through the garage because we're blocking the front door. And he began to choke me, slam me up against the front doors to the stairs. And he's choking me. And every time I would about to lose consciousness, he would take his hands off. And my sister comes in because she lived a couple houses down. I say to her, get help. You know, he's going to kill me. Get help. So my mom comes in. She ends up talking him into letting me go. They leave. I sink to the ground. I'm disorientated. I'm a hot mess. I go outside and they're gone. And I go to the phone and I call 911 and I say that my parents have just stolen my child. An ambulance comes for me. I'm ambulanced to the hospital. Marks all over my neck. I'm traumatized. And my parents, they took Mackenzie out to Chris in Palm Springs and they leave her there and they're coming back and they stop at the police station because they're going to tell their side of the story. Well, they take my dad into custody and he goes to jail. I don't stay in the hospital overnight. I remember being released that day and I'm figuring out where am I going to go because I can't live here. After him coming out of jail, you know, for only those couple of days, I think he took it more as just an experience. It wasn't a wake up call for him to change his behavior. The change for him to probably check his emotions and be that better person that he always said we needed to strive for was Mackenzie. She was the perfect child and she just loved everybody. But I needed to move on. So I had been introduced to a little town called Seal Beach. It's the last beach in Orange county, and it was just darling and we went down there.

[Sponsor Voice]

Today's episode is brought to you by quints. Brisk mornings and a holiday season ahead. This is when I want my wardrobe to be comfy and simple, to look smart and feel good with pieces that I love for me. I turn to quince with some friends, giving travel plans to the blustering Midwest coming up soon. Warmth and style are my priorities. The responsible down hooded parka is a must have item for any cold weather adventurer. I'll be warm all winter long thanks to the fully waterproof and windproof fabric. Gift giving is smart and easy with Quince like their essential $50 Mongolian cashmere sweaters and wool coats that are equal parts stylish and made to last. Give and get timeless holiday staples that last this season with quints. Go to quints.com happening for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N c-e.com happening free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com happening why choose a Sleep Number.

[Lindsey Graham]

Smart bed Can I make my site softer?

[Sponsor Voice]

Can I make my site firmer?

[Tamara Corbett]

Can we sleep cooler?

[Sleep Number Announcer]

Sleep number does that cools up to eight times faster and lets you choose your ideal comfort on either side your Sleep number setting Enjoy personalized comfort for better sleep night after night. It's our Black Friday sale recharged this season with a bundle of cozy, soothing comfort. Now only $17.99 for our C2 mattress and base plus free premium delivery. Price is higher in Alaska and Hawaii. Check it out at a Sleep number store or sleepnumber.com today.

[Tamara Corbett]

Carol, who lived with me, was in clothing production for the majority of her life, so she taught me clothing production. Together we opened a company called Blondies. Blondies manufactured swimwear and lingerie. I loved it and I loved being my own boss and it was just fun. I love creating, I love production of whatever it is. I ended up opening a store and Mackenzie would come to work with me on Saturdays. She loved working the register and she was just so kind and everybody just loved her. MacKenzie's 7 second grade Chris showed up at my house unannounced at 11 o' clock at night on a Friday night with two police officers wanting to take Mackenzie with him. And the police officers tell me that he has a court order that he gets the child every second Friday to every, you know, second Sunday. I say to them he hasn't seen her in six months, so I'm not going to encourage her to go with him. She doesn't want to go with him. Do you see her? She's hysterical. I went to the courthouse the following week and I petitioned for sole custody and I made the deal so sweet for him that he couldn't refuse. I said, you don't have to pay child support anymore. He signs off and he gives me the full custody, and he sells her out quicker than anything. If they were going to get together, it had to be her decision. So she chose than to see him. The bond with her was always strong. And I felt that what made that bond strong was because she didn't have to share me with a husband and I didn't have to share her with a father. It was just us. People say, oh, I would die for my child. You would die for your child. Our relationship was incredible, and we were just madly in love. So I'm running the store for a couple years now, and she gets invited to go to a high school graduation for one of her cousins. And so she wants to go out there. I'm at the trade show, and I really. I let her go with him because of the wife. Rosa was an amazing mother. Rosa was a hairdresser. They always had fabulous hairstyles, and it was great. Rosa's great, great mother. It's June 7, 2002. MacKenzie just turned 10 years old. And I'm at the trade show at the LA Convention center. And I get a phone call. It's Chris's older brother, Rance. And he tells me there's been a terrible accident. Mackenzie's in the hospital and you need to get to Blyth because that's where the accident was. And he's like, it's really bad. You have to come. My child is hurt and in the hospital, and I'm just scrambled. I became like my head was in a cloud. I couldn't find my car. I had a whole trade show booth set up with nobody to run it. So I've got some people around me, you know, that I know they're calling the hospital. The hospital's not telling them anything. And I'm just hysterical. So we end up getting the security person to drive me around in the golf cart to look for my car. Cause I can't remember where I came in, where I parked the car. I can't remember anything. I finally find the car, and then I start making my phone calls. And I just drove 80, 90, 100 car shakes. At 100, 105 shakes, 110 shakes. So every time it quit shaking, I would push the gas more. And I'm at 120 miles an hour now. I'm hoping a cop will stop me because I want an escort to this hospital. Nobody stops me 120 for more than an hour. And we're to meet right off the freeway at this McDonald's. And they're gonna escort me to the hospital. I get off the freeway, stop at the McDonald's. It's France. And his dad. And they said, okay, follow us. Follow them. And we go to the dad's house. I'm freaking out because I'm like, what. What do we need to stop for? You know, there's no. We need to get to Mackenzie. We need to get to Mackenzie. And his dad walks over to me, and I'm standing there, doors wide open to my car, and he puts his arms around me, and he grabs me, and he said, there was a terrible accident and Rosa and Mackenzie didn't make it. And I just scream. Her not being alive is not even crossing my mind. No, there's no. That doesn't happen. There's no thoughts of her not being alive. And that D word, dead, I still don't use it to this day. I stunned. I mean, I don't know how long I was on the ground. There's this picnic bench outside, and there's some family members sitting at the picnic bench. And I remember having a seat at the picnic bench, you know, and them all trying to say shit to me. And I don't give a fuck what they have to say. And I just remember Frances wife going and waking up her child from bed and wanting me to hold her child so that I could hold a child as I'm mourning my child. She thinks, this is gonna be some kind of help, but it's a big child. And I'm like, get your fucking kid away from me. I don't want your kid. I don't want your kid. I want my kid. My mom and dad get there, and I walk over to them on the lawn, and I'm getting it out, you know, they're both crying, and they were hugging and everything. And I had always been a cigarette smoker, and Mackenzie always hated it. And I had said to her, when you're 10, I'll quit smoking. So she turns 10. April 13, 2002. I quit smoking. Well, June 7, 2002, I look at my dad and I say, give me a cigarette. Because I'm just. I need something. And my dad's like, no, you quit smoking, and you quit smoking for her. And I'm like, give me the cigarette. And I just remember hearing my mom say, give her the cigarette. So I just, you know, ended up smoking, smoking, smoking. We go in the house, I lay down on the couch. My remedy for everything is sleep, because if I'm asleep, I'm checked out. I can't feel. And I could vaguely hear my mom making the arrangements of stuff because she went from the road to the funeral home. She never made it to the hospital. Rosa was driving and apparently overcorrected. That's when it flipped. It was an SUV rollover. The roof crushed. Rosa was killed by the roof crushing, and Mackenzie was ejected from the car. And even though there were five people in the car and five people had their seatbelts on, two still died. It was ruled, you know, blunt force trauma to the head. It was instant. I wanted to see her. Nobody would let me see her. They said, you don't want this to be your last memory. But for my child, I wanted to hold my child. And I let everybody talk me out of it. But I asked Chris, where was she? How was she laying? And he said, you know, she was this far away from the car. She was laying face down. So that's what I pictured for two months, three months. Who knows? Once I learned there was no longer a Mackenzie was just grief. And it feels like when you take a sock and turn it inside out, maybe put the sock over your head, you can't see, you can't think clearly. You're covered in grief. Anytime I was awake, I just would say her name and think of her face. When you cry, you become so weak because it's so tight, like a straitjacket, just tight. So the physical aspect of grief makes you tired. I would just want to sleep because a tired being can't think about it. And so I would just sleep a lot, wake up, go into this frenzy of this sock inside out. And people would say things to me, and they want to be helpful. And none of it was helpful. I was only 28 years old. And they would say, you're young enough. You can have another child. And I'd want another child. I want this child. I don't want to hold your child. I don't want to, you know, all these weird things. I couldn't drive because I didn't want to be behind the wheel of a car, and I couldn't function. I had to figure out what to do with my store because I wasn't going back there. I couldn't function. I couldn't have a schedule and walk into Target. The first thing that's there is the kids department that I don't get to go to anymore. I finally. I remember being talked into going to Costco, and I just remember crying through Costco and putting on glasses. And nobody knows what you're going through, and I don't expect them to, but I can't Function hour to hour, minute to minute on this grief roller coaster. The self that's born out of trying to navigate not having somebody else in my thoughts 24 7. Because just I've always been two people because I was, you know, 17. Having her. I was so used to making plans for us. Okay, I don't have somebody else in the equation. I didn't like that. I was so used to taking care of us that I didn't want to just take care of me. Becoming just Tamara. I didn't know how to be her. The first year after losing Mackenzie, all I did was drink wine and smoke pot every day just to numb feelings. And I had been dating this guy, and it wasn't serious, but I really latched on to him because I needed someplace to. If there were any ounce of love in me, to give that. And Jason was there every step of the way. And then his job offered him, you know, something he couldn't refuse. But it was in Vegas, and I went, okay, I need to get out of this place. So closed the business, got out of that apartment. We both moved to Vegas. I'm still deep in the grief, but now I'm a little bit more, you know, manageable. And then I start working at an antique mall. She's on my mind all the time. But what happens is it becomes less. You become distracted by other things, which is nice. I became distracted by the move to Vegas. I became distracted by working at the antique mall. I've always loved art, so I delve deeper into art and then making art because I could distract myself with making things. So Mackenzie passed away June 7th. I got to Vegas Christmas Eve. Then on January 11th. My nephew's turning three. I have no idea what I mailed him, but, you know, put it all in the envelope. Stickers all over the envelope. Happy birthday, blah, blah, blah. Well, at the end of the January, I end up getting this envelope back in the mail, and there's this stamp on it. Rejected. So when that package got to my sister's house for my nephew's birthday, and I call her up, and I'm crying, and I'm just like, you know, why are you doing this to me? And she says, well, Tamara, I don't think you were a good mother. I think you had your child around too many different men and people. I sent your nephew's gift back because I figure out a sight out of mind to somebody who has just lost a child. You don't tell anybody that they were a horrible mother. Six months after my kid is gone, you don't say that to your worst enemy. I need to get off this phone conversation as cordially as possible, but I am never going to talk to you again. So I got over that. I moved to Vegas Christmas Eve. And I remember I moved out Mother's Day, we weren't a good match. In 08, I move to San Francisco. And I'm in San Francisco for four years and I start going to school and I have to take a science class and I choose plant identification. And that just gets me into a whole spiral of horticulture. Getting into horticulture is the best thing that could have ever happened because now, for the first time, I have something to take care of. And that was. That was it. I fell in love with plant propagation, taking care of these plants. I was back to being an active mother because I was making babies. And so I just loved that. I finished the program and I come out with a career in horticulture. So I build the gardening business, landscape maintenance. Meanwhile, in the basement of this house I'm renting, I'm growing marijuana. And in Oakland, I can have 99 plants. I go see an attorney, get all my paperwork, you know, before people were even doing paperwork. And I'm there for four years. After four years, the owners of the house come to me and they say, we want to sell the house. So 2014, I leave Oakland and I get this wild hair that I'm going to drive into Mexico and I don't know where I'm going. So I pack enough clothes, books, some painting supplies, and I hit Tijuana. And I say, no way. I hit Rosarito and I say, not far enough. I hit Ensenada. And I said, I know Ensenada. I was paid $400 a month to live in this little three bedroom house, one bath that overlooked the ocean out in front of my home. I was feeding these dogs that were out in front of the gate. I would just bring them food and water. I didn't know anything about dogs. I never had a dog. But Mackenzie wanted a dog. So I'm feeding these dogs and the neighbors on one of my trips up to San Francisco, they invite the dogs behind our property gate. And so I'm so excited when I get back because I just, I'm thinking, okay, we co parent, you know, I'll pay for everything. I'll take them to the vet, I'll buy their food, and you guys just give it to them when I'm gone. But they were always at my house because I gave them love and attention. And that's what they wanted. I let the kids kind of name the dog, then they go with Candy. And then I call her Candy Cane because I tell her every day is like Christmas with you around. And the other dog that's with her, I end up calling her Mamas because I don't know how many litters of dogs she must have had. So every morning I would just always say, good morning, Mamas. So I had Mamas and Candy Cane. Well, then the neighbors get a puppy. The puppy wants to be with the girls, wants to be with Candy Cane and Mamas. And so it's always at my house. And the love, this unconditional love that these dogs present you with, they lay their head on your lap. They, you know, they look at you with these googly eyes and they're just, they just want to be with you.

[Raza Jaffrey]

I'm Raza Jaffrey. And in the latest season of the Spy who we open the file on Morton Storm, the spy who lived inside Al Qaeda. Unfulfilled with his life in a notorious Danish biker gang, Morton Storm is lost. One afternoon, he stumbles into a library looking for answers. He finds them in the form of a book about Islam. The towering ginger haired Dane doesn't know it yet, but that moment will hurl him into a world of radicalism and see him rise through the ranks of militant Islamist organization organization Al Qaeda, only to suffer a huge crisis of faith. He turns from devotee to spy, tasked with rooting out some of Al Qaeda's most feared generals. The CIA and MI5 bid for his allegiance as he loses himself in a life of cash laden suitcases, double crosses and betrayal. Follow the spy who on the Wandery app or wherever you listen to podcasts or you can binge the full season of the Spy who Lived lived inside Al Qaeda early and ad free with Wondery Plus.

[Lindsey Graham]

In the fall of 1620, a battered merchant ship called the Mayflower set sail across the Atlantic. It carried 102 men, women and children, risking it all to start again in the new world. Hi, I'm Lindsey Graham, the host of American Historytellers. Every week, we take you through the moments that shaped America. And in our latest season, we explore the untold story of the pilgrimage pilgrims. One that goes far beyond the familiar tale of the first Thanksgiving. After landing at Cape Cod, the pilgrims forged an unlikely alliance with the Wampanoag people who helped the pilgrims survive the most brutal winter they'd ever known, laying the foundation for a powerful national myth. But behind that story lies another one of Conflict, betrayal, and brutal violence against the very people who helped the pilgrims survive. Follow American Historytellers on the Wondery app or whether. Wherever you get your podcasts, you can binge all episodes of American Historytellers the Mayflower early and ad free right now on Wondery.

[Tamara Corbett]

It was Christmas. I'm in Mexico. I stopped once I lost Mackenzie doing holidays with my family because I would always leave crying. So Christmas Eve alone, Christmas day alone, and I turn around, and the kitchen is just full of white fluff. They tore dog bed to shreds, and the white fluff was everywhere, all over the floor. And I just looked at them and I said, well, you made it snow in the house on Christmas. Thank you very much. That's where it just kind of began. Making lemonade from lemons. You know, I just gotta laugh at them. What are we gonna do? You know? And now I'm already so far into my grief that nothing really bothers me anymore. So now I would be gone 10 days to my gardening clients. 10 days up north and in Mexico for 20 days. The guy I'm kind of dating, I'm like, oh, come stay with me. And how about you take care of the dogs, you know, while I'm gone, and I'll take care of you. So one trip, I'm making a right on the busy highway, and I see this puppy run across the busy highway, and I'm like, oh, my God. So I pull over and I pick up the puppy, and I take the puppy back up to the house. And Daniel knows practically no English, and he says, I take care of. And I'm like, that's exactly what I was hoping you'd say. I take care of. There's three here now. You know, how many more are there going to be? I had to stop keeping them. So I forward the images to my gardening clients. One of my clients received my message in the photo, and we arranged for me to bring the puppy up the next month. The feeling of my first adoption to be that stork was incredible. It's a high. And the family was so amazing. That's all you want is you. You want the best for every child. So this child that was mine for, you know, a month or two ended up going and being the companion love of the life of this new family. It's an incredible high, making that match. So then I start looking for them. There's groups on Facebook like Mascotas Ensenada. And so people post, you know, dogs that, you know are lost if they're looking for their dog or Puppies or something. And mascota means pet in Spanish. So I start surfing. Mascotas Ensenada. My idea when I started looking for puppies was just a foster. I found this other dog a home. I can find more dogs homes. So I built up a reputation down in Ensenada for taking puppies. I would go pick up the puppies, bathe them, and take them to the vet. So when I first started, said, okay, this is going to be a main focus of my life. Now I'm into this. I can do this, I want to do this, I will do this. I went to an attorney down in Mexico and got nonprofit status. And I think I had 35 dogs. So the name I came up with, I called it a hotel, Hotel Baja California for dogs. Because I told them, you're all only guests. I'm going to find you your own home. But in the meantime, you get room service and we have outings and concierge. And that's when I was new. Now I just started the chapter up here, and only because I have people that volunteered that said, okay, I will do the paperwork for you. And a doctor is now part of my nonprofit up here, in addition to some other women she knows. And they all took on this project to help me. So the chapter up here is called Travieso Dog sanctuary. So I've turned it into a sanctuary because if they got to live out their days with me, they got to live out their days with me. We go to the beach all the time. We're only 10 minutes from the beach, and they get beach runs, they get car rides. You know, we don't have any dog parks down there yet, but, you know, it's one big dog park at our place. In the past six years, I've had at least two to 300 dogs come through my hands. One of my big success stories just happened. And that's Amelia. Amelia came to me four years ago as a two month old puppy along with her four siblings. And in the box, the five puppies had at least 1,000 fleas each. And I sat all night bathing them and taking out every flea and putting them in a different area until the next day when I could go to the vet, two of those puppies passed away right away. Fleas and ticks, they transmit so much disease. And I would rock them and I would hold these puppies until they took their last breaths. I feel them taking their last breaths, and it's devastating. And I cried like I lost Mackenzie. And then it was just down to Amelia and Felicity and I was on one of my trips up north, and I got the call from Daniel that Felicity had passed away. He took her to the vet, and she died there. Well, then I have got amelia with me 24, 7. I want to know every cough, her poop, looks like. I want to know everything. So she sleeps with me, she travels with me. We got to go anywhere. She's in the car. For her first year of her life, she was very sick and, you know, always had something, but she survived. Probably two years later, we're at the beach, and I saw her run like the wind on the beach. I didn't think she could even run. And I looked at her and I said, oh, my gosh, you could be adopted. You know, you're physically able. You're not so weak that you could be adopted. And so at 2, I started posting her, you know, special needs dog, somebody with patience. Well, vet bills up here are outrageous, too. So who's going to take on, you know, a walking vet bill? But she's three and a half years old. I finally, I get a bite with somebody that's going to have patience, and that's Ruta. So, you know, I go over every quirk. She's the softest dog I've ever touched. Her eyes are the most soulful. She's so sweet, but she has a crooked jaw, she drools all the time, and she's just. She's funny. She's a comedian. So Ruta takes the chance on her. Amelia went to her forever home. Normally, the dog will choose you. You know, if you go to the shelter and you're sitting with five dogs, which dog comes up to you? Well, that's usually the one that wins your heart. Not one that is darling. And I say it's amazing and everything, but it looks at you and goes, ruff. Because that's Dennis under his breath. He will just look at you. He will roll his eyes and he will say, ruff. Like, get away. I'm not even going there. But he changes his mind because we've had new caregivers, you know, over the years, and he warms up and loves all of them. When I collect things on my trip up here, I collect dog beds, toys, food, everything. And whatever we have surplus of, it goes away. I give it out to all the neighbors, all the other people fostering because they don't have the opportunity to go out of the country every month like I do. Being part of the dog community has been such a blessing for me because I've met all these, like, Minded people, they just want to care for dogs. I'm happy with my life, and I've been happy for a long time. And the reason that I'm happy is because I'm doing everything I want to do. My father passed away in 05. My mom swears he died of a broken heart because of losing Mackenzie. That's how profound this child was. When she passed away and her teacher came to me, she said what Mackenzie was like in school. She said she could tell if somebody in the class was having trouble with something. She would go and help them. She would just get out of her desk and she would go over and help that student that was struggling because she was an angel. I want to say for the next. I don't know how many months, I don't know when it went away, but there were angels everywhere. There was a water stain on a wall, and it was in the shape of an angel. There was a leaf on the ground. It was the shape of an angel. I would look at all these bizarre objects and there were angels, and I just knew that they were signs. When I would see these angels, I was just stunned and thankful. I do believe that the spirit is still there because she was an angel. So now that you know, I feel that she. She is no longer in transition. She's in spiritual form. She sends me these dogs. She sends me the. She opens my mind. She puts something in my path that makes me have to take care of it. And it's not a chore if I'm presented with a challenge and it's a life, you know, I don't care if it's a bird with a hurt wing. I'm going to try to do the best I can for it. I'm sure that she put in my path mamas and candy cane to go and hang out in front of my house to bait me in, to then give me experience with those dogs. And then now I have built up the reputation of truly caring about these animals and giving them the best of me. And that's what I do. I give them the best. The best of me. I give them all of me. And nothing could make me happier and more proud. I think the healing of grief just comes with time and distraction. On heavy grief. It just consumes your thoughts the whole time. But distraction helps you get through the grief. It's not that you're not going to experience more grief. You just know how to get through it. You know that you don't challenge it. You feel it and go through it. And tomorrow you might feel it and tomorrow you might not feel it. I just have a lot more days where I don't feel it now, where I don't feel burdened by the grief. I watched this one woman explain it so well once. Having my daughter and losing my daughter were the best gifts that I could have been given. She learned so much through grief that she's actually thankful for it now. And I never thought I would get to that point. Getting through the grief is so profound on how you move forward with your life. Everything is an illusion and you create the illusion. Like, for example, now when I have friends, like up in arms with the politics that are going on, I'm like, honey, you got to create a different illusion to this. And you can't carry this because you carry this. And it's going to carry you into your grave because you're physically going to have a heart attack. And you're choosing it. You're choosing to be so passionate about these politics and this family. You don't belong to what's in front of you. You got to take care of what's in front of you and go forward with that because you can spin it any way you want because if you don't, you'll just cry all day because there's so much destruction and everything out there. You have to spin it to be happy. You have to. And there's always a happy spin. I remember looking at MacKenzie's death certificate and it being finalized on my birth date and just breaking out into laughter because I was just like, what else can hit me? What else? Write that story. Otherwise all it's going to be is about death and horror. It's lemons all around. It's how do you grab the good lemons and make that lemonade?

[Wondery Announcer]

Foreign.

[Tamara Corbett]

Today's episode featured Tamara Corbett. If you'd like to reach out to Tamara, you can find her contact information in the show notes. Her dog rescue is called Treviso Dog Sanctuary. The link to that website where you can see dogs available to adopt and where you can donate can also be found in the show notes.

[Wit Misseldine]

From Wondery. You're listening to this is actually happening. If you love what we do, please rate and review the show. You can subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music or on the Wondery app to listen ad free and get access to the entire back catalog. In the episode notes, you'll find some links and offers from our sponsors. By supporting the them, you help us bring you our show for free. I'm your host, Wit Misseldine. Today's episode was co produced by me, Jason Blaylock and Andrew Waitz with special thanks to the this Is Actually Happening team including Ellen Westberg.

[Sponsor Voice]

The opening music features the song Sleep.

[Wit Misseldine]

Paralysis by Scott Velasquez. You can join the community on the this Is Actually Happening discussion group on Facebook or follow us on Instagram Actually Happening on the show's website thisisactually happening.com you can find out more about the podcast. Contact us with any questions, submit your own story or visit the store where you can find this Is Actually Happening designs on stickers, T shirts, wall art, hoodies and more. That's thisisactually happening.com and finally, if you'd like to become an ongoing supporter of what we do, go to patreon.com happening even 2 to 5amonth goes a long way to support our vision. Thank you for listening.

[Wondery Announcer]

If you like this Is Actually Happening you can listen to every episode ad free right now by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short [e-mail] survey hey basketball fans.

[Steve Nash]

Steve Nash here, ready to elevate your basketball IQ? I'm teaming up with LeBron James to bring you the latest season of Mind the Game and we're about to take you deeper into basketball than you've ever gone before. We're breaking down the real game, the X's and O's that actually matter. In every episode. We'll share elite level strategy, dive into career defining moments and explore explain the why behind plays that changed a game, a team or a championship. LeBron and I have lived this game at the highest level for decades. We've been in those pressure moments and made those game changing decisions and learned from the greatest basketball minds in history. Now we're pulling back the curtain and sharing that knowledge with you. Time to go beyond the highlights and get into the real heart of basketball. Watch Mind the game now on YouTube Prime Video or listen wherever you get your podcasts.