392: What if your daughter committed a seemingly unforgivable act? [Rebroadcast Ep182]

Episode Overview

Podcast: This Is Actually Happening
Episode: 392: What if your daughter committed a seemingly unforgivable act? [Rebroadcast Ep182]
Date: January 1, 2026
Host: Wit Misseldine (Wondery)
Guest: Anonymous Mother (Narrator)
Theme:
This episode is a raw and unfiltered account of a mother grappling with the aftermath of her daughter Brittany's mental health crisis, culminating in an act perceived as unforgivable: Brittany causing a near-fatal car accident in an attempt to end both their lives. The mother reflects on generational trauma, parenting struggles, cycles of abuse, and her own journey through shame, guilt, and conditional hope, offering listeners a visceral portrayal of family bonds tested to the breaking point.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Childhood & Family Dynamics (02:00–12:00)

The guest grew up in a small town, the eldest and only daughter in a strict, emotionally reserved family.
Her upbringing was characterized by “doing what you were told” and not openly discussing difficult issues.
- “You just really do what you’re told, how you’re told, then there wouldn’t be any issues.” (03:00)
An early family trauma—her brother went into foster care and was never discussed at home—sets a pattern for emotional avoidance.
Reflects on intergenerational struggles: “I think that they felt like they did better than what their parents did, or they tried to anyway.” (05:30)

2. Adulthood, Relationships & Parenting (06:30–19:00)

Marries her high school sweetheart young, but the relationship fails amid immaturity and mismatched effort; has two children.
Subsequent marriages bring further instability, including exposure to alcoholism and financial precarity.
Candidly describes depression and anxiety, feeling overwhelmed by single parenting and failed relationships.
After a disciplinary incident involving her son and a severe paddling (an idea suggested by her then-husband), the guest is charged by CPS, incarcerated, and loses custody of her older children.
- “I did not physically observe the paddling. I did not realize that paddling was as hard as it was...but I got in trouble because I allowed it to happen.” (14:00)
- “I was in jail for three days before my parents bailed me out.” (15:25)
Profound sense of parental inadequacy and failure sets in, culminating in depression and self-blame.

3. Trauma, Disclosure, and Family Coping (19:00–29:00)

During a “normal visit,” her daughter Brittany discloses she was molested by her older brother.
- “At that time, I totally believed her. I totally believed her. But I was shocked.” (21:30)
The mother feels torn about how to address such disclosures, especially in a family where taboo topics are never openly discussed.
- “Growing up, you didn’t talk about that kind of thing. I didn’t want to rehash it. I didn’t want to remind her...I didn’t want to inflict more pain.” (22:20)
Struggles with the duality of caring for both victim and perpetrator, and feels responsible for not preventing the harm.
Family relations splinter further; subsequent relationships and living arrangements are fraught, and the guest continues to battle depression, health issues, and feelings of worthlessness.

4. Brittany’s Mental Health Crisis and Systemic Response (29:00–38:00)

Brittany begins to show signs of serious distress: self-harm, depression, suicidal ideation.
- “I lost track of how many times she was admitted.” (35:10)
The guest, working long hours and mired in her own survival, is dependent on unreliable partners for childcare, missing critical warning signs.
Eventually, Brittany overdoses and is admitted to a long-term care facility after repeated acute episodes.
The systemic response (hospitalizations, counseling, medication) proves hauntingly insufficient: “All I can do is get her to a place where she can’t hurt herself...and that wasn’t even working.” (36:15)

5. The Life-altering Car Accident (38:00–44:00)

On Halloween, while driving to a doctor’s appointment, Brittany suddenly grabs the wheel and causes a severe head-on crash.
- “Out of the corner of my eye I saw her hand...the next thing I know, the steering wheel has moved and I just remember a big crash.” (39:30)
In the immediate aftermath, the mother is bewildered and in denial: “I close my eyes even to this day, reliving it over and over...like, did that really happen?” (01:00 & 42:00)
Both are injured, with the mother sustaining a shattered leg and losing her car, job, apartment, and, in many ways, her daughter.
- “I lost everything that day. I lost my car, lost my apartment, lost my job and I lost my daughter all in the same day.” (43:30)
Brittany is admitted to psychiatric care, with little acknowledgment of the act’s consequences.
- “There was one conversation...she apologized for wrecking my car. And that was the only acknowledgment...She was very flippant in her attitude about the whole thing.” (43:55)

6. Aftermath: Grief, Distance, and Attempts at Reconciliation (44:00–58:00)

Physical recovery is slow and painful; the emotional distance between mother and daughter seems insurmountable.
- “It was like almost like strangers sitting in the same room. We didn’t have anything to say to each other at that point.” (54:15)
Initial hope for closure dissolves into a resigned acceptance that it may never come.
Only years later, prompted by the podcast, does Brittany reach out to apologize for the accident and surrounding pain.
- “She apologized to me for not just the wreck but a lot of the emotions...It was an inner battle with me all the time. I’m her mother. I shouldn’t feel that way about my child. I shouldn’t feel such anger...But to get some acknowledgment...it felt good.” (55:25)
The mother discusses survivor's guilt, anger, and the struggle to accept both her right to those feelings and her love for her daughter.

7. Emerging Truths, Late Admissions, and Forward Motion (58:00–end)

The mother only recently discovers Brittany was raped by a former partner, Randy, during the crisis period.
- “To hear the word raped her...I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to do. It’s heartbreaking.” (59:40)
Guilt and regret, especially for missed warning signs and her inability to shield her children, reach new depths.
She reflects on lifelong patterns—fear of being alone, dependence on relationships, inherited silence—and her uneven path toward healing and self-forgiveness.
- “I have a bad thing about not being able to say no...I’ve learned that really the only one that I can depend on is myself...” (End)

Memorable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

On denial and trauma looping:
- “I close my eyes even to this day, reliving it over and over in my head. Like, did that really happen?...I know that’s what I saw, but I don’t want to believe that’s what happened.” (01:00 & 42:00)
On intergenerational silence:
- “We didn’t talk about it. It just kind of happened. That’s the way it was. Being that we were the kids, we didn’t have a whole lot of say in it.” (04:20)
On parental failure and loss:
- “From that point on...I just felt like I couldn’t be the parent that they needed me to be, that they were better off without me. I felt like I was in another situation where I had failed again.” (17:45)
On unbridgeable disconnect:
- “There was no acknowledgment of any wrongdoing...all I can think is when you wrecked my car, you wrecked my life.” (43:40)
On the complicated love/anger dynamic:
- "It was an inner battle with me all the time. I’m her mother. I shouldn’t feel that way about my child. I shouldn’t feel such anger. I’m a horrible person...But to get some acknowledgment that I had every right to feel that way. It felt good." (55:25)
On lasting guilt and self-blame:
- “It breaks my heart. It reawakened the guilt that I felt for feeling like I didn’t do what I could. And it just felt like another instance of I wasn’t good enough, I didn’t do enough.” (01:00:00)

Important Segment Timestamps

02:00–06:00 – Guest describes childhood, emotional reserve in family
14:00–16:00 – Child paddling incident, CPS involvement, jail
21:30–22:20 – Discovery of Brittany’s molestation, family taboos
29:00–38:00 – Brittany’s escalating mental health crisis
39:30–43:30 – The car wreck: sequence and immediate aftermath
55:25–56:30 – Recent podcast-driven reconciliation and acknowledgment
59:40–end – Discovery of past abuse by Randy; guilt and reflection

Tone & Language

The episode is deeply introspective, honest, and vulnerable, marked by the mother’s tendency to self-blame and struggle for closure. The language remains plain and direct, often emotionally raw, with recurring expressions of pain, regret, and fragile hope.

Conclusion

This episode provides an unvarnished look at the complexities of trauma within families, the limits of parental protection, and the glacial process of forgiveness—of oneself and others. It stands as a testimony to surviving the seemingly unforgivable and seeking reconciliation, even years after profound hurt.

Note: For a complementary perspective, listeners are encouraged to explore the companion episode from Brittany’s point of view (Ep181).

Episode Overview

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Childhood & Family Dynamics (02:00–12:00)

The guest grew up in a small town, the eldest and only daughter in a strict, emotionally reserved family.
Her upbringing was characterized by “doing what you were told” and not openly discussing difficult issues.
- “You just really do what you’re told, how you’re told, then there wouldn’t be any issues.” (03:00)
An early family trauma—her brother went into foster care and was never discussed at home—sets a pattern for emotional avoidance.
Reflects on intergenerational struggles: “I think that they felt like they did better than what their parents did, or they tried to anyway.” (05:30)

2. Adulthood, Relationships & Parenting (06:30–19:00)

Marries her high school sweetheart young, but the relationship fails amid immaturity and mismatched effort; has two children.
Subsequent marriages bring further instability, including exposure to alcoholism and financial precarity.
Candidly describes depression and anxiety, feeling overwhelmed by single parenting and failed relationships.
After a disciplinary incident involving her son and a severe paddling (an idea suggested by her then-husband), the guest is charged by CPS, incarcerated, and loses custody of her older children.
- “I did not physically observe the paddling. I did not realize that paddling was as hard as it was...but I got in trouble because I allowed it to happen.” (14:00)
- “I was in jail for three days before my parents bailed me out.” (15:25)
Profound sense of parental inadequacy and failure sets in, culminating in depression and self-blame.

3. Trauma, Disclosure, and Family Coping (19:00–29:00)

During a “normal visit,” her daughter Brittany discloses she was molested by her older brother.
- “At that time, I totally believed her. I totally believed her. But I was shocked.” (21:30)
The mother feels torn about how to address such disclosures, especially in a family where taboo topics are never openly discussed.
- “Growing up, you didn’t talk about that kind of thing. I didn’t want to rehash it. I didn’t want to remind her...I didn’t want to inflict more pain.” (22:20)
Struggles with the duality of caring for both victim and perpetrator, and feels responsible for not preventing the harm.
Family relations splinter further; subsequent relationships and living arrangements are fraught, and the guest continues to battle depression, health issues, and feelings of worthlessness.

4. Brittany’s Mental Health Crisis and Systemic Response (29:00–38:00)

Brittany begins to show signs of serious distress: self-harm, depression, suicidal ideation.
- “I lost track of how many times she was admitted.” (35:10)
The guest, working long hours and mired in her own survival, is dependent on unreliable partners for childcare, missing critical warning signs.
Eventually, Brittany overdoses and is admitted to a long-term care facility after repeated acute episodes.
The systemic response (hospitalizations, counseling, medication) proves hauntingly insufficient: “All I can do is get her to a place where she can’t hurt herself...and that wasn’t even working.” (36:15)

5. The Life-altering Car Accident (38:00–44:00)

On Halloween, while driving to a doctor’s appointment, Brittany suddenly grabs the wheel and causes a severe head-on crash.
- “Out of the corner of my eye I saw her hand...the next thing I know, the steering wheel has moved and I just remember a big crash.” (39:30)
In the immediate aftermath, the mother is bewildered and in denial: “I close my eyes even to this day, reliving it over and over...like, did that really happen?” (01:00 & 42:00)
Both are injured, with the mother sustaining a shattered leg and losing her car, job, apartment, and, in many ways, her daughter.
- “I lost everything that day. I lost my car, lost my apartment, lost my job and I lost my daughter all in the same day.” (43:30)
Brittany is admitted to psychiatric care, with little acknowledgment of the act’s consequences.
- “There was one conversation...she apologized for wrecking my car. And that was the only acknowledgment...She was very flippant in her attitude about the whole thing.” (43:55)

6. Aftermath: Grief, Distance, and Attempts at Reconciliation (44:00–58:00)

Physical recovery is slow and painful; the emotional distance between mother and daughter seems insurmountable.
- “It was like almost like strangers sitting in the same room. We didn’t have anything to say to each other at that point.” (54:15)
Initial hope for closure dissolves into a resigned acceptance that it may never come.
Only years later, prompted by the podcast, does Brittany reach out to apologize for the accident and surrounding pain.
- “She apologized to me for not just the wreck but a lot of the emotions...It was an inner battle with me all the time. I’m her mother. I shouldn’t feel that way about my child. I shouldn’t feel such anger...But to get some acknowledgment...it felt good.” (55:25)
The mother discusses survivor's guilt, anger, and the struggle to accept both her right to those feelings and her love for her daughter.

7. Emerging Truths, Late Admissions, and Forward Motion (58:00–end)

The mother only recently discovers Brittany was raped by a former partner, Randy, during the crisis period.
- “To hear the word raped her...I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to do. It’s heartbreaking.” (59:40)
Guilt and regret, especially for missed warning signs and her inability to shield her children, reach new depths.
She reflects on lifelong patterns—fear of being alone, dependence on relationships, inherited silence—and her uneven path toward healing and self-forgiveness.
- “I have a bad thing about not being able to say no...I’ve learned that really the only one that I can depend on is myself...” (End)

Memorable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

On denial and trauma looping:
- “I close my eyes even to this day, reliving it over and over in my head. Like, did that really happen?...I know that’s what I saw, but I don’t want to believe that’s what happened.” (01:00 & 42:00)
On intergenerational silence:
- “We didn’t talk about it. It just kind of happened. That’s the way it was. Being that we were the kids, we didn’t have a whole lot of say in it.” (04:20)
On parental failure and loss:
- “From that point on...I just felt like I couldn’t be the parent that they needed me to be, that they were better off without me. I felt like I was in another situation where I had failed again.” (17:45)
On unbridgeable disconnect:
- “There was no acknowledgment of any wrongdoing...all I can think is when you wrecked my car, you wrecked my life.” (43:40)
On the complicated love/anger dynamic:
- "It was an inner battle with me all the time. I’m her mother. I shouldn’t feel that way about my child. I shouldn’t feel such anger. I’m a horrible person...But to get some acknowledgment that I had every right to feel that way. It felt good." (55:25)
On lasting guilt and self-blame:
- “It breaks my heart. It reawakened the guilt that I felt for feeling like I didn’t do what I could. And it just felt like another instance of I wasn’t good enough, I didn’t do enough.” (01:00:00)

Important Segment Timestamps

02:00–06:00 – Guest describes childhood, emotional reserve in family
14:00–16:00 – Child paddling incident, CPS involvement, jail
21:30–22:20 – Discovery of Brittany’s molestation, family taboos
29:00–38:00 – Brittany’s escalating mental health crisis
39:30–43:30 – The car wreck: sequence and immediate aftermath
55:25–56:30 – Recent podcast-driven reconciliation and acknowledgment
59:40–end – Discovery of past abuse by Randy; guilt and reflection

Tone & Language

Conclusion

Note: For a complementary perspective, listeners are encouraged to explore the companion episode from Brittany’s point of view (Ep181).

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Summary

Episode Overview

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Childhood & Family Dynamics (02:00–12:00)

2. Adulthood, Relationships & Parenting (06:30–19:00)

3. Trauma, Disclosure, and Family Coping (19:00–29:00)

4. Brittany’s Mental Health Crisis and Systemic Response (29:00–38:00)

5. The Life-altering Car Accident (38:00–44:00)

6. Aftermath: Grief, Distance, and Attempts at Reconciliation (44:00–58:00)

7. Emerging Truths, Late Admissions, and Forward Motion (58:00–end)

Memorable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

Important Segment Timestamps

Tone & Language

Conclusion

Summary

Episode Overview

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Childhood & Family Dynamics (02:00–12:00)

2. Adulthood, Relationships & Parenting (06:30–19:00)

3. Trauma, Disclosure, and Family Coping (19:00–29:00)

4. Brittany’s Mental Health Crisis and Systemic Response (29:00–38:00)

5. The Life-altering Car Accident (38:00–44:00)

6. Aftermath: Grief, Distance, and Attempts at Reconciliation (44:00–58:00)

7. Emerging Truths, Late Admissions, and Forward Motion (58:00–end)

Memorable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

Important Segment Timestamps

Tone & Language

Conclusion