Podcast Summary: This Is Actually Happening – Episode 401: "What if your son murdered your daughter?"
Guest: Charity Lee
Host: Wit Misseldine
Date: February 24, 2026

Episode Overview

In this emotionally intense episode, guest Charity Lee recounts the unthinkable: her 13-year-old son murdered his 4-year-old sister, Ella. Guided by host Wit Misseldine, Charity tells her life story—including cycles of addiction, familial trauma, and profound loss—culminating in the tragedy and her transformative journey through grief, advocacy, and acceptance. With raw honesty, she explores the emotional complexities of loving a child who has committed an unthinkable crime, and finding purpose in the aftermath.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Family History and Early Trauma

• Charity’s family history is riddled with crime and trauma; her father was murdered when she was six, and her mother was acquitted after being investigated for the murder ([01:27]).
  • “My life has been defined by murder.” – Charity Lee [26:19]
• She recounts living through the media circus, her mother’s emotional unavailability, and her descent into adolescent drug addiction as a result.
• After battling addiction and seeking sobriety, she becomes a single mother to her son Paris.

2. Motherhood, Recovery, and Relapse

• Charity describes parenting Paris and, later, his half-sister Ella, striving to insulate them from family toxicity ([13:50]).
• She relapses after years of sobriety, which causes Paris great anger and emotional instability.
• Paris, at age 12, has an emotional breakdown, brandishing a knife at Charity (not in a threatening way), leading to a brief psychiatric hospitalization ([24:41]).
  • “There came a point when Paris was around 11 that things had gotten really bad in my life, and I relapsed.” – Charity Lee [21:59]
• Charity reflects with deep self-awareness and responsibility about the family’s trauma cycle and its effects on her children.

3. The Day of the Tragedy

• On February 4th, after a tense weekend, Charity goes to work, leaving Paris and Ella with a babysitter.
• Police arrive at her job near midnight to inform her that Ella has been killed and Paris is the culprit ([35:15]).
  • “I felt like somebody had just obliterated me into like a billion microscopic pieces of meat that would never be found again.” – Charity Lee [00:19 and 36:27]
• Charity describes the utter shock, disbelief, and the surreal moments following the news—including the devastating experience of seeing Ella’s body in a child-sized body bag ([39:00]).

4. Aftermath and Dual Grief

• Charity discusses the immediate legal and emotional aftermath: being investigated by Child Protective Services and advocating for mental health care for Paris ([44:10]).
• Grieving both her daughter and the son she thought she knew, Charity reveals learning disturbing details: Paris planned the murder, showed no remorse, and later admitted he intended to kill Charity as well.
  • “I came to find out that... He has admitted that he began to have homicidal thoughts around the age of nine.” – Charity Lee [48:00]
• Paris is sentenced to 40 years in prison.

5. Complicated Relationship with Paris

• Charity describes years of painful visitation and attempts to understand Paris’s psyche:
  • “I had the process of discovering the fact that my child is most likely a psychopath.” – Charity Lee [54:20]
• She recounts emotionally chilling moments, including Paris stating he decided not to kill his mother so she would suffer for the rest of her life ([55:59]).
  • “He realized that... by letting me live, he would ensure that I suffered for the rest of my life.” – Charity Lee [56:40]
• Details her emotional logic for continuing to support him: “You were his mom first, and you’ll always be his mom… I can practice radical acceptance and set boundaries at the same time.” – [1:07:23]
• Eventually, Charity ends contact with Paris when his associations (with dangerous individuals) threaten her and her other son’s safety ([1:15:45]).

6. Navigating Grief, Guilt, and Acceptance

• Charity admits to a suicide attempt during her lowest period, describing a vivid vision of Ella intervening and preventing her from dying ([1:01:10]).
  • “I just had this sense that if I committed suicide, I would never see my daughter again.” – [1:00:25]
• She channels her pain into advocacy work, founding the Ella Foundation to help other families affected by trauma, crime, and the justice system ([1:03:50]).
• Charity challenges the notion of “healing”: “I don’t believe in the word healing. When it comes to trauma, we don’t heal. We adjust.” – [1:19:04]
• She explores the bittersweet duality of living with trauma, describing her body art as a reflection of both the darkness and attempts to create beauty from tragedy.
  • “My entire upper half of my body is covered in this big elaborate art piece that honors my children… In the middle of my back… is this giant, and I mean, big black heart.” – [1:22:27]

Notable Philosophies and Reflections

• Charity reflects on the limits of understanding why such tragedies occur: “There’s research, there’s correlations, but when you’re dealing with somebody’s mind, you don’t get definitive answers... Learning to accept is bittersweet too, because sometimes what people forget to tell you is that when you accept, you also give up a little bit of hope.” – [1:19:51]
• On human complexity and judgment: “What I realized about being human is it’s very complicated. Instead of looking for fault… look for things that can help.” – [1:21:41]
• Finds meaning in helping others and transforming her pain into purpose: “I did not want the way Ella died to be the last thing that people remembered about her.” – [1:25:07]

Memorable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• “My life has been defined by murder.” – Charity Lee [26:19]
• “I felt like somebody had just obliterated me into like a billion microscopic pieces of meat that would never be found again.” – Charity Lee [00:19, 36:27]
• “That day I lost both of them.” – [46:22]
• “You were his mom first, and you’ll always be his mom, and that’s what you need to be—his mom.” – [1:07:23]
• “I don’t believe in the word healing. When it comes to trauma, we don’t heal. We adjust.” – [1:19:04]
• “I did not want the way Ella died to be the last thing that people remembered about her.” – [1:25:07]
• “I've learned to make friends with my pain.” – [1:26:37]

Important Segments & Timestamps

• Charity’s Family History: [01:27]–[13:50]
• Addiction, Recovery and Parenthood: [13:50]–[21:59]
• Relapse and Paris’s Breakdown: [21:59]–[26:19]
• Event of the Murder: [35:15]–[39:00]
• Aftermath and Learning about Paris’s Motives: [44:10]–[55:59]
• Descent into Grief and Suicide Attempt: [1:00:25]–[1:03:50]
• Advocacy Work and The Ella Foundation: [1:03:50]–[1:19:50]
• Final Thoughts on Acceptance and Moving Forward: [1:19:04]–[1:28:20]

Conclusion

This episode offers a rare and devastatingly frank window into a type of loss few can imagine: living as both mother to a murderer and a murder victim. Charity Lee’s story is both harrowing and remarkably nuanced, weaving together family trauma, mental health struggles, compassion, boundaries, and the search for meaning amid chaos. Listeners are left with a profound meditation on the nature of pain, parenthood, acceptance, and the possibility of living with—and ultimately transforming—the unthinkable.

For more about Charity Lee and the Ella Foundation, refer to the episode notes.