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Dan Jones
Hello, Dan here. Now, we're about to get down and dirty with Henry V as the Plantagenet's top Trump warrior king begins to turn the screw on the French. There's a fair bit of blood and gore, so consider yourself warned if you're of a squeamish disposition. Now, we've just ticked over 1,000 subscribers on Patreon. Really, guys, I'm well and truly chuffed. We launch our Patreon in season seven, and I've loved being able to connect with you all. And even more than that, seeing you all connect with each other. This milestone has made me think about how me and the team can make this is history even better for you. So I've squirreled away and worked on a listener survey just for you, which I've put in this episode's show notes, and five lucky survey respondents with will receive a signed copy of my book, Henry V. So it'd be really great if you could do me a favor and fill out that survey. Now, on with the show, it's Jonathan.
Jonathan Van Ness
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Mel Gedroch
Hey, Death gang, Mel Gedroch here. From where there's a will, there's a wake. And wowzers. Do we have a cracker of an episode for you. Kunal Naya, AKA Raj from the Big Bang Theory, conjured up quite the dream. Death, which may or may not have made his famous last words a little tricky.
Kunal Nayar
Okay, before nothing, I was.
Mel Gedroch
Now, let's remember the way you died.
Jonathan Van Ness
Yeah.
Mel Gedroch
Was pleasuring yourself.
Kunal Nayar
Yes.
Mel Gedroch
So this will have to come out at around the same time.
Kunal Nayar
You are not getting me to say that in the midst of an orgasm, I think. Is that what you're going for? I came, I saw, I conquered, and then I came.
Mel Gedroch
That's very. Bingo. That's more the level of this podcast.
Dan Jones
The English troops take the strain on the ropes and haul for all they're worth. The staircase in the abbey's tower is narrow and the stone steps are winding and steep. They have to climb backwards, trying not to slip. It's tough work. The rope burns their hands. Sweat drips down their foreheads and stings their eyes. The iron cannon they're hauling up this staircase is huge, heavy and awkward on the ground. They move it by cart, but they're not on the ground. In fact, their orders are to get this beast of a gun and a load more just like it as far above ground level as possible. Those orders have come from no less a figure than Thomas, Duke of Clarence, brother of Henry V, the Lancastrian King of England. Thomas is one of Henry's tight inner circle, and he's the go to man for for the most hardcore jobs on any battlefield. Which is why Today, in mid August 1417, Thomas is in charge of turning the two grand abbeys that stand on the outskirts of the city of Caen into massive gun platforms for English gunners. His men are busting a gut to do it, but Thomas is certain their sweating and cursing is going to pay off. Caen is one of the most heavily fortified cities in the French Duchy of Normandy, which the English have set their sights on conquering. Breaking Caen is going to take a lot of firepower and an inventive approach towards using it. The men finally get the cannon to the top of the tower. There are plenty more still to drag up here, but though they're exhausted, big smiles are spreading across their faces. They're looking out over the perfect view of Caen. The walls, the rooftops, the people hurrying nervously around the city streets. One of the men pats the cannon affectionately. This is going to be like shooting fish in a barrel. Once the Englishmen open the barrage, the citizens down there are going to have two choices. They can either open their gates or die. I'm Dan Jones and from Sony Music Entertainment, this is history. Season 8 of A Dynasty to Die For Episode 9 Henry the Conqueror One of the oldest bits of wisdom in human history is what goes around comes around. That idea has taken many forms over the millennia, the Old Testament talks of an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, the notion that justice should exist in symmetry with an offence. Eastern religions explore the notion of karma, one aspect of which is that good and bad actions have good or bad consequences. And let's not forget the words of that great modern sage, Justin Timberlake, who 19 years ago released his smash hit, what Goes Around Comes Around, a case study in actions having consequences. When you cheated, girl, my heart bleeded, girl so it goes without saying that you left me feeling hurt Just a classic case scenario tale as old as time. Girl, you got what you deserved. Now, in the early 15th century, Justin Timberlake hasn't been invented, but the notion of justice, restorative and providential, certainly has. As we've heard this season, in 1415, Henry goes over to France, claiming to be the rightful king. He blasts Harfleur to tinder sticks, then crushes the French noble elite at the Battle of agincourt. Now, in 1417, he's back again, aiming to go further, faster and harder than ever before. Henry lands his armies not far from Harfleur. But this time he has higher ambitions than nabbing a single coastal town and scarpering. His aim is to head deep into Norman territory and go for a really major scalp somewhere like the city of Caen, which lies southwest of his recent military victories. After Rouen, Caen is considered the second capital of Normandy. What's more, and this is why I've just been banging on about Kama, Caen has ancient connections with one of Henry's ancestors. It's a town deeply connected with that dastardly old Norman, William the Bastard, AKA William the Conqueror. William built the castle there. He founded the abbeys, which the English gunners are now turning into gun positions. Back in 1066, old Willie the Sea brought thousands of men from Normandy to England. He crushed the English at the Battle of Hastings and nabbed the English crown. That was a seminal and defining event in English history. So there's a certain symmetry to William's ninth great grandson coming in the other direction 350 years later and giving the Normans a taste of their own medicine. Which is a good point to remind you that over on our Patreon this week, the discussion topic for our royal favourites is all about the greatest acts of revenge in history. Head there after the show to join the debate. En route to Caen, Henry marches his men from their landing spot near Harfleur, heading inland for 50 miles and demanding the surrender of all the significant towns they pass. Two years ago, in 1415, towns would have barred their gates to him. But knowing now what he's like, the Normans are far more inclined to fall. Their choice is pretty stark. They can't hope to hold out very long against Henry's highly motivated army, which packs serious firepower. It's hard to imagine they're going to get much backup from the French Crown, given the ongoing infighting between the Burgundian and Armanac factions at Charles VI's court. And as Henry has made clear, anyone who holds out against him will be inviting painful retribution. The way he sees it, he's the rightful king, which makes anyone who resist, resists him rebels and traitors. On those grounds, he can treat Normans who won't surrender as harshly as he sees fit. It's not a very inviting prospect. Caen, however, has other ideas. Call it madness or call it self respect. But this is a major city with big walls and a heavily defended citadel. If they can't stand up for themselves, the French are in trouble. So as the English army rumbles in their direction, the citizens try something they think is clever. They decide they need to make the suburbs of the city, those bits outside the walls, uninhabitable to Henry's army. The fewer places the English can use as assault positions or lodgings, the more unpleasant the experience of laying a siege will be. The citizens earmark everywhere in the entire suburbs for quick demolition. As in everywhere. The two biggest buildings outside the walls are a pair of abbeys, the Abbey aux Homme and the Abbey aux Dames. As I've said before, both of these were founded by William the Conqueror, and they're pretty magnificent places. But the city's authorities don't care. They order mines to be dug under the abbey's towers so that they can be collapsed. But that turns out to be a big mistake, because those abbeys are full of monks and nuns, and for them, the destruction of their beloved houses of God is a bit much. At this point, the medicine seems worse than the disease. So as the English approach, a messenger monk is sent out to make contact and offer to hand the abbeys over peacefully if only they aren't destroyed. Which is how we get to where we started this episode. As the English bear down oncamp, they know that they're going to be handed a huge advantage. As soon as they arrive. All they have to do is take possession of those abbeys, get the guns up to the high points and start blasting away. And that's exactly what they do. For nearly two weeks, the English rain. Hell down on the city of calm, wrecking houses, killing civilians and taking chunks out of the city walls. Henry and Thomas are having a field day. Their ancestor William the Conqueror, buried at the abbey Homme must be spinning in his grave. When I was a little boy in.
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Mel Gedroch
Hey, Death Gang, Mel Gedroich here. From where there's a will, there's a wake and wowzers. Do we have a cracker of an episode for you. Kunal Nayar AKA Raj from the Big Bang Theory conjured up quite the dream. Death, death. Which may or may not have made his famous last words a little tricky.
Kunal Nayar
Okay, before, nothing, I was.
Mel Gedroch
Now let's remember the way you died.
Jonathan Van Ness
Yeah.
Mel Gedroch
Was pleasuring yourself.
Kunal Nayar
Yes.
Mel Gedroch
So this will have to come out at around the same time.
Kunal Nayar
You are not getting me to say that in the midst of an orgasm, I think. Is that what you're going for? I came, I saw, I conquered, and then I came.
Mel Gedroch
That's very. Bingo. That's more the level of this podcast.
Dan Jones
Sir Edmund Springhouse is one of hundreds of English knights who have joined Henry V's campaign to Normandy this summer. Like all of them, he's experienced the good and the not so good aspects of life in the army. On the downside, it's hot, dirty, stinky, dangerous work. Disease in camp is a constant worry and the rations are pretty variable. On the plus side, this is quite a time to be fighting under the English banner. Henry is an inspirational general and he's got the French running scared. It's generations since a plantagenet king Took a force this big and fearsome out of the realm, let alone did something meaningful with it. The state of Caen, blasted half to bits in front of them, is a case in point. They've been giving it a fearful pasting for two weeks and the city is on the verge of collapse. Weak points are opening up all over the walls. And now Henry and his brother Thomas want to pound those walls into dust. So Sir Edmund Springhouse is readying himself to be a hero. And when the signal goes up to announce the start of the big push, this knight is in amongst it. The English troops run hell for leather at the walls. Sir Edmund scrambles up a ladder, trying to get to the battlements at the top. The fight is on. Fair play to the citizens of Cant, though, for all the bombardment they've suffered. They defend their walls with what one chronicler calls swords and missiles, spears and stones. And Sir Edmund Springhouse finds himself in the thick, thick of it. Right in the thick of it, in fact, in the fighting. He's stabbed and as he goes down, enraged hands grab him. He's dragged away from the English lines and someone is tipping something flammable on him. He's lit on fire and while he's burning, he's hurled off the battlements to his death. If the people of Ka are going down, they're determined to take a few English with them. Word of Sir Edmund Springhouse's gruesome end gets back to England. It's fuel for war propaganda designed to illustrate the depravity of the inhuman French scum the English are fighting in the moment. It's just one brutal event in in what becomes an awful day all round. Through sheer weight of numbers, the English force their way through Caen's broken walls into the city. A few citizens manage to fall back into the castle, but the unlucky ones face an English rampage. They tear through the streets yelling Clarence and St George as they butcher as many as 2,2000 people in a frenzy. Only the churches are spared the looting. Then the streets fall silent in the calm. Henry has guns hauled to the castle, where he sets gunners firing at the walls from near point blank range. It doesn't take long for despair to set in. The garrison inside the castle were hoping that help would come from Paris. After all, this is a major Norman city under attack. But no help has been forthcoming. Yet again, the Burgundians and Armagnacs are too busy fighting each other to stand up to the English. Go back to the this Is History archive and listen to Our recent miniseries, the Glass King. If you want to remind yourself of all the ins and outs of that particular beef. After two days of last ditch defiance, the garrison quit their posts. Henry decides they've suffered enough and lets them leave, taking over the castle for himself. He announces he's setting up a new government of Normandy based right here. He has a rifle through the castle's library and bags himself a chronicle history to read as the campaign goes on. Then he writes a letter home in English. Henry declares that God has sent unto our hands our town of Caen by assault and with right little death of our people, whereof we thank our saviour. God still has Henry's back, it seems, and shortly after his letter arrives in England, the Lord hands him another victory. This one isn't a town or a port or, or a battle. It's an old friend of Henry's who he hasn't seen for a long time. It's the notorious Lollard heretic and rebel Sir John Oldcastle.
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Dan Jones
The Lords and Knights of England, who are not on the great adventure in France, file into Westminster Palace's painted chamber. It's a grand room decorated in murals first commissioned by Henry iii. Inside, the nobles are ready to get to business. There's a bustling, excited air as they wait for Henry V's brother John, Duke of Bedford, to come in. In the absence of the King, John has been running England and doing a very decent job of it too. He's just been up north, where the Scots have been playing silly buggers, trying to make the most of the English preoccupation in France to raid across the border. John has put them right back in their box. Now he's down here at Westminster to make sure that Parliament keeps the tax taps turned on and money flowing out to the front line in Caen, or wherever his brother Henry might be right now. John takes his place and the Chancellor, the Bishop of Durham, calls the Parliament to order, launching into a speech about the King's mighty achievements. The latest news is read out. Other than a few sad cases like some bloke called Edmund Spring House, who's been flame grilled and given a free flying lesson. Everything seems to be hunky dory. There's no reason not to keep the money flowing. In any case, it's nearly Christmas. Everyone wants to sign off on business and go home to watch It's A Wonderful Life. So the tax for more war in France is granted. Quick, smart. But just as the Parliament is wrapping up, an excited messenger arrives with sensational news from Wales. Somewhere near the town of Welshpool, there's been a skirmish. A local lord has captured none other than the heretic jailbreaker and rebel John Oldcastle, who cheated death when he escaped from the Tower of London nearly four years ago. This is incredible and well worth hanging around for. Parliament stays open for another Fortnight and on December 14, 1417, Oldcastle is hauled before the assembly beaten up and bruised, particularly on his shin. His legs copped a thwacking after a woman in the arresting posse kept striking him with a milking stool. If Oldcastle is in a bad way, though, he is as feisty as ever. When he has all the old accusations of heresy laid before him, as well as a few of rebellion, he starts ranting on in his usual fashion. Then, at the height of his ranting, he says something that there's really no coming back from. It means nothing to me that I'm being judged by you, he tells the Parliament. Then he swears allegiance to the King, not the one in France who was his pal for so long, but Richard ii, who he says is alive and well in Scotland. At this point, Oldcastle basically signs his own death warrant, and for him, there's something extra spicy in store. He's already due a good burning as a heretic, but seeing as he also tried to raise a rebellion against the King, he needs to be punished as a traitor as well. So he gets two for the price of one. From Parliament, Oldcastle is taken to London, to the exact spot where he tried to raise rebellion against the King before he disappeared into hiding. When he gets there, he finds a special gallows has been set up. It's a novel invention, designed especially for his particular brand of pain in the assery. On it, Old Castle is hanged with an iron collar on his neck, while at the same time a fire is lit under him to burn him. Eventually, the fire licks up and devours both Old Castle and the gallows he's chained to. It's an awful way to go, but also ties up a long overdue loose end in Henry's reign. From now on, there can be nothing to distract the focus of the whole realm from France and the war effort that's due to pick back up again in the spring of 1418. With Caen taken and a new war chest signed off by Parliament, Henry can contemplate the the full conquest of Normandy and who knows what beyond. It doesn't seem like the French have a clue how to stop him. The only question is how much appetite he and his men have for going ever deeper towards the dark heart of their war. Follow the next stage of his epic conquest. Next time on this IS History. Well, that's that. And I suppose you can't say Old Castle didn't have it coming, or indeed that William the Conqueror didn't. But if you have any other great examples of revenge being served straight up from the freezer, head over to our Patreon to join this week's discussion. You can find us@patreon.com thisishistory and very excitingly, you can also get on board with full video drops of our bonus episodes where producer Al and I unravel all the subplots and hot historical skank from the comfort of our really quite elegant this Is History hq, so come on, ogle us. There's also ad free listening, early access to new episodes, and loads of other good stuff too. Go to patreon.com thisishistory to become a royal favourite today.
Release Date: November 11, 2025
Host: Dan Jones
Summary by Podcast Summarizer
This episode, "Henry the Conqueror," plunges into one of Henry V’s defining campaigns: the 1417 invasion of Normandy and the epic siege of Caen. Acclaimed historian Dan Jones delivers a vivid, battle-scarred narrative of England’s aggressive campaign, the personal resolve of Henry V, and the ruthless realities of medieval warfare. The episode also examines themes of historical symmetry, vengeance, and the inexorable, often brutal, consequences of power struggles—what Dan dubs “what goes around comes around.” In parallel, the story tracks the fate of Henry’s old ally-turned-enemy, Sir John Oldcastle.
Vivid introduction [03:02]:
Dan paints a visceral image of English soldiers hauling giant cannons up abbey towers, transforming Caen’s religious landmarks (originally founded by William the Conqueror) into gun platforms.
The English, under Henry V and brother Thomas, leverage every advantage, targeting Caen—a city both symbolically and strategically significant due to its historical connection to William the Conqueror, Henry’s ancestor.
Thematic deep-dive [06:54]:
Dan explores the cyclical nature of retribution throughout history, comparing Henry’s campaign in Normandy to William the Conqueror’s invasion of England in 1066.
The Normans, once conquerors, now face Henry’s army with limited hope of French royal support due to internal divisions (Burgundians vs. Armagnacs).
Battle narrative [15:32]:
Dan recounts the gruesome fate of Sir Edmund Springhouse, an English knight set ablaze and thrown from the city walls, illustrating the mercilessness on both sides.
After breaching Caen’s walls, English troops massacre civilians. “They tear through the streets yelling ‘Clarence!’ and ‘St George!’ as they butcher as many as 2,200 people in a frenzy. Only the churches are spared the looting.” [17:57]
Henry establishes a new government in Normandy, pausing only to pen a thankful (and triumphal) letter home, ascribing victory to divine favor.
Political subplot [21:49]:
As Henry’s war machine rolls on in France, back in England Parliament is in session. An excited messenger brings news of Sir John Oldcastle’s capture near Welshpool after years in hiding.
Detailed description of Oldcastle’s trial and execution for heresy and rebellion:
He is unapologetic before Parliament, swearing allegiance to Richard II, old rival of Henry IV.
Quote: “It means nothing to me that I’m being judged by you... he swears allegiance to... Richard II, who he says is alive and well in Scotland.” [22:59]
Oldcastle is executed in a particularly brutal fashion—hanged and burned at the same time.
His death marks the end of a domestic distraction for Henry, clearing the way for renewed focus on the French campaign.
On Henry's aggression:
“His aim is to head deep into Norman territory and go for a really major scalp somewhere like the city of Caen…” — Dan Jones [07:44]
On vengeance and historical irony:
“There’s a certain symmetry to William’s ninth great grandson… giving the Normans a taste of their own medicine…” — Dan Jones [10:35]
On the severity of the campaign:
“They tear through the streets yelling Clarence and St George as they butcher as many as 2,200 people in a frenzy.” — Dan Jones [17:57]
Chronicler's perspective:
“They defend their walls with what one chronicler calls ‘swords and missiles, spears and stones.’” — Dan Jones [16:04]
On propaganda and morale:
“Word of Sir Edmund Springhouse’s gruesome end gets back to England. It’s fuel for war propaganda designed to illustrate the depravity of the inhuman French scum the English are fighting…” — Dan Jones [16:56]
On executing Oldcastle:
“It’s an awful way to go, but also ties up a long overdue loose end in Henry’s reign.” — Dan Jones [24:34]
Dan Jones narrates with his signature blend of dry wit and vivid, energetic storytelling, keeping listeners engaged while never flinching from the violence and moral ambiguities of the era. Highlights include gruesome battle details, sharp historical parallels, and commentary on medieval politics and justice, all delivered with scholarly insight and a dash of dark humor.
In “Henry the Conqueror,” Dan Jones not only chronicles a pivotal episode in Henry V’s drive for continental domination but does so with a focus on the cyclical nature of history—revenge, justice, and the unpredictable consequences of power. The fall of Caen and the death of John Oldcastle serve as both milestones in Henry’s reign and cautionary tales about the price of ambition and vengeance. A masterclass in gripping historical narrative, the episode sets the stage for even more dramatic developments in the next chapter of the Plantagenet saga.