#634 - Fiona Cauley - This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von

Transcript

Theo Von (0:00)

Here's a question. If you walked into a stash house and found it full of $20 million, how much would you steal? That's the question Matt Damon and Ben Affleck have to answer. In Netflix new movie the Rip, they play a team of Miami cops alongside Teyana Taylor, Steven Yeun, Catalina Sandino Moreno, Kyle Chandler, and Sasha Calle, all trying to decide, are they the good guys or the bad guys? This movie is an edge of your seat thrill ride the entire time, keeping you guessing till the very end. Don't miss the Rip. Watch now only on Netflix. Today's guest is a comedian and a podcaster. You may know her from her appearances on Kill Tony. She has her own podcast called Ramping up, and I'm thankful that she's here today. Today's guest is Ms. Fiona Collie.

Fiona Cauley (1:12)

Your house is beautiful, by the way.

Theo Von (1:15)

Oh, thanks. Yeah, I feel lucky to have a place to live. I got to get, I think, a new couch or something. How many times after you sit on a couch, you have to get a new one? That's the thing. They should put, like, a little counter on the side that kind of goes down.

Fiona Cauley (1:27)

I like that. It's like the lollipop question.

Theo Von (1:31)

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, how many sits does it take?

Fiona Cauley (1:34)

Oh, you're out, and it catapults you out.

Theo Von (1:39)

The springs just activate.

Fiona Cauley (1:40)

Yeah, I like that. No nonsense.

Theo Von (1:43)

Yeah, yeah. That's what we need now. It's like, yeah, how many. How many sits does it take to get to the center of your sofa?

Fiona Cauley (1:50)

I would be screwed, really, because all I do is sit.

Theo Von (1:54)

Oh, that's true. Huh? You're here. You're what some people would consider a heavy sitter. Huh?

Fiona Cauley (2:01)

Yeah, I'm professional. Yeah, yeah, yeah. On me.

Theo Von (2:08)

For some of our listeners that don't know. So you have. You live with a ailment. What do people do? People call it a disease, an ailment, just because you're already talking about it.

Fiona Cauley (2:16)

Summary

Podcast Summary: This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von

Episode #634: Fiona Cauley (Jan 16, 2026)

Episode Overview

In this heartfelt and hilarious episode, comedian Theo Von sits down with fellow comedian and podcaster Fiona Cauley. The conversation dives deep into Fiona’s experience living with Friedrich’s ataxia—a rare neurological disease—and how it shapes her life, comedy, and perspective. Together, they discuss disability, family, comedy breaks, viral moments on Kill Tony and Fallon, inclusion, identity, resilience, and even brush with danger and absurdity. The episode is rich with witty banter, honest insights, and memorable stories, making it both one of the funniest and most illuminating installments of the podcast.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Couches, Counters, and Comedic Banter

[01:12–02:08] The episode opens with light-hearted talk about worn-out couches and counting "sits," leading to playful riffs about heavy sitting and couch catapults:
- "You're what some people would consider a heavy sitter, huh?" —Theo Von
- "I'm professional. Yeah, yeah, yeah. On me." —Fiona Cauley

2. Living with Friedrich's Ataxia

[02:08–04:12] Fiona details her diagnosis, how only 5,000 people in the US have the disease, and how it changed her and her siblings’ lives.
- "I don't make enough of a protein called frataxin... Both my parents were carriers. Didn't know. And then they had kids, and we're screwed." —Fiona [02:25]
- Sibling rivalry: Fiona’s older and younger siblings also have FA, leading to comical complaints about wheelchair brand choices and family dynamics.

3. Navigating Bars, Disability, and Humor

[04:12–05:37] Fiona shares anecdotes about using a cane in bars to signal she wasn’t drunk (“I was drunk, but you know.”) and owning multiple canes, including a hidden sword cane for dates and protection.

4. Breakout on Kill Tony and Netflix Poster Fame

[06:07–07:54]
- Fiona describes the surreal experience of being featured on a Netflix poster for "Once Upon a Time in Texas".
- Discusses how performing on Kill Tony changed her career overnight and boosted her following from 30K to 500K+.
- "Kill Tony, they definitely have a bigger reach now. Late night is not the same." —Fiona [14:42]

5. Behind the Scenes at Kill Tony

[09:48–14:42]
- Fiona unveils the nerve-wracking process of performing her minute, the Roman Coliseum vibe, accessibility challenges, and humorous observations about the cast and crew.
  - "I have to, like, go around the building and get carried up these stairs... It smells real bad, but it reminds you of your life." —Fiona [10:57]
- Quips about Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban, and the wild world of arena comedy shows.

6. Disability, Visibility, and Inclusion in Comedy

[17:22–24:29]
- They riff on autistic Barbie, wheelchair Barbie, and performative corporate inclusion.
  - "Autism isn't visible generally. So, couldn't any Barbie be autistic?" —Fiona [18:25]
- Fiona’s take on preferred terminology: "I prefer like disability disabled. I think handicap is like a thing, like a parking spot or stall... But I'm a person with a disability." [24:07]

7. Early Signs, Family, and Misdiagnoses

[31:06–36:33]
- Fiona recounts her journey from clumsy athlete to misunderstood teen (accused of being drunk/high), familial gaslighting, and her ultimate self-advocacy leading to her diagnosis:
  - "I was gaslit, like crazy. I fully thought I had a mental issue and I was making this all up." —Fiona [34:30]

8. Processing Grief, Mourned Futures & Resilience

[36:06–40:53]
- Discussion on mourning the life you thought you’d have versus finding acceptance and new meaning.
  - "I was mourning what I thought I had." —Fiona [37:33]
  - "Even a snake... when he sheds his skin, I bet he probably looks back at least once." —Theo [40:32]

9. Perspective on Comedy, Platform, and Social Stigma

[41:13–50:21]
- How her unique viewpoint as a disabled comic generates material and challenges—especially the balance between not wanting to be "the wheelchair comic" and embracing her authentic story.

10. Wild Uber Story / Brushes with Danger

[43:01–54:53; Must-listen: 46:32–47:13]
- Fiona's epic tale: a deranged Uber driver shows her a gun while ranting about liberals, teaching her to "stay chill" when literally captive in a Nissan Altima.
  - "So, like, gun to my head, I can walk." —Fiona [51:41]

11. Comedy Scene, Partying, and Finding Purpose

[56:38–65:08]
- Wild afterparty with rapper Yelawolf, showing the absurd scenarios comedians can find themselves in.
- Reflections on the evolving feeling of hope, faith, and grief post-diagnosis.

12. Romance, Marriage, and Accepting Love

[88:06–92:46]
- Candid discussion about fear of intimacy and doubt that she’d find love given her prognosis, and the beautiful story of being proposed to at a comedy club.
  - "You always got a chair with me." —Fiona to her husband, Matt [90:11]

13. Fame, DMs, and Online Interaction

[96:18–97:47]
- Fiona shares some of the wildest and sometimes disturbing DMs she receives due to her public visibility—including requests to “roll over” fans with her wheelchair.

14. Advocacy, Accessibility, and Representation

[110:00–114:45]
- Recognizing Judy Heumann and discussing the struggle for real accessibility and societal acceptance.
  - "We are the largest minority, we have the least amount of progress... all we're asking is for accessibility and no one wants to spend money." —Fiona [123:10]

15. Current Events

ICE Shooting & Policing (66:57–80:54):
- They discuss the high-profile ICE agent shooting, the psychology of law enforcement, and the dangers of confrontation, alongside the complexity of immigration debates in America.
Iran Protests (115:18–123:32):
- Reflections on the Iranian uprising, state violence, and the importance (and fragility) of having a voice in society.

16. Closing: On Laughter, Perspective, and Legacy

Takeaways:
- Fiona’s experience has given her sharp perspective and empathy: she aims to “give a voice to the voiceless”—ironically, as her voice is threatened by her condition.
- She hopes for more accessible comedy spaces, community, and normalization of disability in public life and performance.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Family Diagnosis:
- "I'm one of three... I'm the middle meal. Three have it. I got diagnosed first, so they can suck it." —Fiona [03:09]
On Inclusion & Barbies:
- "Autism isn't visible generally... couldn't any Barbie be autistic?" —Fiona [18:25]
- "They definitely have wheelchair Barbie... everyone sends me that." —Fiona [23:00]
On Accessibility:
- "The disabled minority is the most inclusive minority... you feel bad for me today, but you could be sitting next to me tomorrow." —Fiona [113:39]
On Comedy & Authenticity:
- "It's hard because you don't want all your jokes to be like, wheelchair, wheelchair. But I experience everything from this vantage point." —Fiona [41:31]
On Marriage & Support:
- "Like, what good are you to yourself or others if you're hurting yourself [not asking for help]?" —Fiona [112:33]
On Fame’s Odd Side:
- "Men asking if I'll roll over their dicks... or like show us your boobs before you die." —Fiona [96:43].

Episode Timeline: Important Segments

| Timestamp | Topic/Quote/Highlight | |--------------|----------------------------------------------------------| | 01:12–02:08 | The "how many sits on a couch" riff | | 02:08–04:12 | Fiona explains Friedrich's ataxia and family impacts | | 06:07–07:54 | Netflix/Kill Tony exposure: “changed my life overnight” | | 09:48–14:42 | Understanding the Kill Tony process and pressures | | 18:25 | “Couldn’t any Barbie be autistic?” | | 24:07–24:29 | Disability vs. handicap terminology | | 34:30 | Family gaslighting and self-advocacy | | 36:33–40:53 | Mourning a lost future and adapting in comedy | | 43:01–54:53 | Uber gun story—high comedy and high drama | | 88:06–92:46 | Love, acceptance, and proposal at Zanies | | 96:18–97:47 | Wild DMs and harsh realities of online fame | | 110:00–114:45| Judy Heumann: ADA and disability advocacy | | 113:39 | “Disabled minority is the most inclusive minority.” |

Final Notes

“Saving you a seat” emerges as a tongue-in-cheek catchphrase for wheelchair accessibility, and as a wearable statement of inclusion.
The episode is both “one of the funniest… in probably two years” (Theo, [131:02]) and deeply moving, offering listeners a richer understanding of the reality—and humor—of living with visible and invisible challenges.
For more, check out Fiona and Matt’s podcast Ramping Up (Mondays, 4:30 CT) and Fiona’s live tour dates.

This summary captures all major themes, hilarious and poignant moments, speaker voices, and practical takeaways—perfect for listeners and non-listeners alike.