Thriving Kids – "How To Help Your Child Cope With Stress"

Podcast: Thriving Kids | Host: Dr. Dave Anderson
Guest: Dr. Dylan Gee, Clinical Psychologist & Yale Professor
Date: January 29, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode dives deep into understanding childhood stress: what it looks like, how it affects the developing brain, and—most importantly—what parents and caregivers can do to help children build strong coping skills. Drawing from neuroscience and clinical practice, hosts Dr. Dave Anderson and Dr. Dylan Gee blend science-backed insights with relatable, real-life parenting stories (with the added dynamic of being partners and parents themselves).

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. What Does Stress Look Like in Kids?

• Stress in children manifests in varied ways: outbursts, tense bodies, tears, withdrawal, and more (00:00–01:21).
• Children don’t always have the language or skills to express what’s happening internally (02:08–02:32).

2. The Neuroscience of Stress

• Amygdala & Stress:
  • The amygdala is the “salience detector” in the brain, highly active in kids and adolescents (03:07–04:07).
  • When the amygdala senses something important/stressful, it triggers the hypothalamus and HPA axis, releasing cortisol (“stress hormone”) (03:07–03:29).
  • Young brains are wired for strong stress reactivity; learning to calm the amygdala is key (04:08–05:23).
• Role of the Prefrontal Cortex:
  • Prefrontal cortex (PFC)—needed for self-regulation and controlling the amygdala—develops slowly into young adulthood (05:23–05:56).
  • Young children “borrow” a parent’s regulatory skills:
    “When kids are really young, parents are in part serving as kind of their prefrontal cortex.” (05:56, Dr. Gee)
  • Even just seeing a parent’s photo lowers a child’s stress response! (05:56–06:14)

3. The Parent’s Job: Reducing or Tolerating Stress?

• Not all stress is bad; some is necessary for growth and resilience (07:39–08:57).
• The right amount is "tolerable stress" managed with support and coping tools (07:59, Dr. Gee).
• Over-protecting (“snowplowing”) deprives kids of chances to practice and learn (08:43–09:16).
• Positive stress examples: meeting new people, starting school, first day at camp (09:32, Dr. Gee).

4. Building a Coping Toolbox

• Healthy coping requires a variety of strategies (deep breathing, mindfulness, physical activity, social support), regularly practiced (10:52–11:37).
• Teach these skills when stress is low, not during meltdowns (15:15–15:43, Dr. Gee).
• Real-life example: Discussing stress aloud and practicing skills after small incidents is more effective than lecturing during crises (16:45–18:29).

5. The Importance of Trusted Adults and Co-Regulation

• Trusted adults help kids label stress, model regulation, and co-regulate (12:23, Dr. Gee).
• Direct presence and support physically calm kids’ stress systems (13:00–13:42).
• Repeated caregiver support helps children internalize safety: “Children learn very quickly that this is somebody I can go to to feel safe.” (13:42, Dr. Gee)

6. Teaching Coping Skills: Resources & Practical Tips

• Accessible, evidence-based resources are crucial (Child Mind Institute, Walden Wise, NCTSN) (14:17–15:15).
• Use kid-facing media and playful resources like videos or worksheets to embed skills (15:43–16:45).

7. Real-Life Parenting Scenarios

• Lost at a Birthday Party: Processing a stressful moment by debriefing afterward helps reframe irrational beliefs (17:19–18:29).
  • “That felt really scary to her... I want her to know in her heart that I'm there and she can rely on me.” (18:29, Dr. Gee)
  • Parents can use “cognitive restructuring”: Present alternative explanations and help kids examine their thoughts (19:35–20:29).
• Nervous about New Camp:
  • Acknowledge worries, normalize stress, and help reframe “threat” as “challenge” (21:22–24:59).
  • Validation comes first; problem-solving and encouragement follow.

8. Supporting Teens: Changing Tactics as Kids Grow

• Teens still need parent support but seek it differently—with more autonomy and privacy (25:08–27:46).
• Signs of stress shift: less tantruming, more moodiness or withdrawal (26:38, Dr. Gee).
• Provide scaffolding: Be available to listen, validate, and reflect, but don’t push or overwhelm with questions (27:46–29:06).
  • “Do not badger with questions... sometimes less is more.” (28:21, Dr. Gee)
• Key tool: Reflective listening—repeating back feelings to make your teen feel heard and respected (29:06, Dr. Gee; 29:44, Dr. Anderson).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the role of caregivers:
  “When kids are really young, parents are in part serving as kind of their prefrontal cortex.” – Dr. Gee (05:56)
• On stress as growth:
  “Some stress is good. Certain types of stress are good. I always think about it as not all stress is bad.” – Dr. Gee (08:57)
• On co-regulation:
  “…simply by being present, a supportive caregiver or adult can have this really very real neural and physical impact on the child's stress response system.” – Dr. Gee (13:15)
• On reframing for kids:
  “I tried to reframe as challenge. And there's a lot of research suggesting that this kind of stuff, simple reframe from stress as threat to stress as challenge, can be really helpful in actually down regulating the stress response…” – Dr. Gee (23:13)
• On talking with teens:
  “Do not badger with questions. Right. So sometimes less is more.” – Dr. Gee (28:21)
• On reflection:
  “Reflection is simply saying back to somebody… it shows that you hear them.” – Dr. Gee (29:06)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:40 – Framing today’s topic: what stress in children can look like
• 03:07 – How Dr. Gee’s lab studies the brain’s response to stress
• 05:56 – Parents as young children’s “prefrontal cortex”
• 07:59 – The question of “how much stress is too much?”
• 09:32 – Examples of “good” stress for building resilience
• 10:52 – The “coping toolbox”: what skills matter and why
• 14:17 – Where to find accessible, evidence-based resources
• 17:19 – Real-life story: handling a stressful moment at a child’s birthday party
• 21:22 – Facing new experiences: supporting kids through “good stress”
• 26:38 – Supporting teenagers and the importance of scaffolding
• 29:06 – Reflection and reflective listening in supporting kids of all ages

Takeaway Strategies for Parents

• Normalize and Name Stress: Label feelings so kids can recognize and talk about their stress.
• Model & Practice Coping: Show and teach a wide range of coping strategies in calm moments.
• Support, Don’t Overprotect: Allow kids to face manageable challenges with your support.
• Be Present and Reflective: Co-regulate, especially for younger children—but continue for teens with more space and listening.
• Use Accessible Resources: Leverage evidence-based online materials, worksheets, and videos.
• Adjust as Kids Grow: Move from active regulation and teaching to scaffolding, reflecting, and being available as kids navigate more complex stressors on their own.

Further Resources

Resources mentioned can be found in the episode’s show notes or at the Child Mind Institute website.

Summary by the Thriving Kids Podcast Summarizer – making the science of child mental health accessible, actionable, and real.