Thriving with Addiction — Dr. Jonathan Avery

Episode: "Parenting, Substance Use, and the Power of Connection"

Guest: Dr. Andrea Temkin Yew
Release Date: February 10, 2026

Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Jonathan Avery welcomes Dr. Andrea Temkin Yew, a clinical psychologist and author specializing in youth, young adult, and parent-focused interventions. They discuss effective parenting amid today’s mental health and substance use challenges, highlighting prevention through connection, non-punitive strategies, the essential role of parental self-regulation, and concrete steps for navigating difficult conversations and behaviors. The discussion is candid, practical, and grounded both in clinical science and compassionate lived experience.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Path to Parenting Work

• Dr. Temkin Yew’s Background & Motivation
  • She began in young adult mental health, but gravitated to child/adolescent and parent work after noticing that therapy progress for kids often evaporated without parental support and environmental change.

    "I'd see them make this beautiful progress in session...and then...the parents and the home environment just wasn't evolving at the same pace...so all that great progress...would sort of go away because parents weren't on board." (B, 03:18)

  • Describes parents as “so worthy of our support and help”—shifting her work to helping families, not just kids.

2. The Landscape: Today’s Young People

• Changing Trends in Teen Substance Use & Mental Health
  • While vaping and alcohol use may be declining slightly, stressors and mental health struggles are rising.
  • Social isolation, digital device use, academic pressure, and global worries (climate, safety, etc.) are now core concerns.
  • Substance use is intertwined with these wider stressors, not simply a standalone issue.

    "Kids are...dealing with a bunch of other stressors that are unique...things only get more competitive academically every year. Kids are more aware of what's going on in the world...it's also really scary for them." (B, 06:20)

  • Kids lack the power or outlets adults have, leaving them “sitting ducks” for anxiety and distress. (B, 07:47)

3. Prevention & Connection: The Foundation

• Intentional Parenting Practices

  • Prioritize regular, intentional time together and self-worth that is not conditional on achievements.

    "Find ways to help our kids feel supported...that we are interested in them just because we love them and they have self worth in and of themselves." (B, 08:38)

  • This is foundational “prevention”—kids should know they’re valued and can talk about anything, including tough subjects.

• Starting Conversations Early

  • These talks ideally begin ages 8-9, before crises, and should be straightforward, calm, and factual—not dramatic.

    “It doesn't have to be a particularly emotional or convoluted conversation. It's just facts...We're just trying to get little bits of information in a non-judgmental way.” (B, 10:18)

4. Talking About Drugs & Mental Health

• Avoid scare tactics.
• Normalize open, matter-of-fact discussions.
• Broach substance use and mental health just as you would other life issues, so when/if problems arise, the pathway for connection is already built.

5. Modeling & Parent Self-Regulation

• Role Modeling: What Kids Observe, They Learn

  "There's not a one to one correlation...but you're sort of creating a pathway in your kid's brain...the more well worn that pathway is, the easier...especially in moments of stress." (B, 15:01)

  • Kids absorb how parents react to stress and what coping or substances look like in their family environment.
• Encourage parents to reflect on their own stress management and behaviors, not out of guilt (“This is not about drowning in guilt”), but for intentionality going forward.

6. When Problems Arise: How to Respond

• Step One: Seek to Understand, Not Punish

  • Ask: Why is this behavior happening? What context or stressor is driving it?

    “Why is this behavior happening? It didn't happen in a vacuum.” (B, 19:06)

• Avoid labeling behaviors as “bad;” instead, use terms like skillful/unskillful or helpful/unhelpful choices.

• Punishment often makes kids defensive, angry, and closes off communication, especially with substance use:

  "If I make a topic more distressing, if anything, I make those behaviors more likely to happen." (B, 12:10)

• Shift Toward Skill-Building Consequences

  • Consequences should focus on building skills and supporting healthier choices, rather than merely punishing.
  • When appropriate, incentivize positive steps (therapy engagement, negative drug screens, etc.), aligning goals as much as possible.

    "We're just trying to make the problematic choice less rewarding for the kid and make the more skillful choice an easier pathway for them." (B, 31:20)

7. Core Parenting Skills: Validation

• Validation = Understanding Without Agreeing
  • Convey, “I get how you ended up here,” even if you disagree. This opens communication and trust:

    "It's not agreeing with them...All it is is saying, based on your experience, I can see a scenario where you ended up the way you did." (B, 24:40)

• Validation is distinct from condoning; it helps keep doors open for guidance and support, particularly around substance use and mental health struggles.

8. Parental Self-Care—The Missing Piece

• Anticipate Stress Responses

  • Parents must proactively plan how to ground and manage their own emotions in tough moments ("parent coping").

    "What are you going to tell yourself in that moment to stay more grounded? ...What are some things you can do to calm yourself down?" (B, 33:03)

    • Practical tips: grounding statements (“We’ve been through harder things”), soothing music or scents (notably “smell vanilla”), stretching, looking at photos from enjoyable activities.

• Self-Care Enables Better Parenting

  • Grounded, regulated caregivers are best positioned to connect, validate, and guide their kids.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dr. Avery’s Humor & Admiration:

  "I always say, what would Andrea do? You know, I think you need to make, like, bracelets or T shirts." (A, 02:11)

• Explaining Validation:

  “Assuming that your child did not wake up in the morning going, what can I do to make my life harder today?” (B, 26:03)

• On Intergenerational Shifts:

  "Most of us, when we were young, our parents punished us...I hear all the time...why aren't you tougher on your kid...It's a shift, and I think a good one, but one that takes some real attention and skill." (A, 23:14)

• Practical Parent Tip:

  "Go to your baking cabinet, smell vanilla. It's very soothing. Right. And are there other things that you usually do for stress relief that you can make use of in those tense moments with your kid?" (B, 33:14)

• Focus on Connection:

  "We're always keeping the validation piece because we always need that connection." (B, 29:13)

Important Timestamps

• 00:17–04:55: Dr. Andrea Temkin Yew describes her path into parent-focused psychology and clinical work
• 05:31–07:47: Youth mental health trends, today’s unique stressors, and the myth of “the new addiction”
• 08:38–10:18: Connection as prevention and the basics of intentional parenting
• 10:18–12:10: How/when to broach challenging topics (substances, mental health)
• 13:13–16:34: Parental modeling, guilt, defensiveness, and setting norms
• 19:06–22:04: Understanding causes of behavior and effective responses
• 24:40–27:13: Validation as a skill and its transformative power
• 29:13–31:35: When issues intensify—reducing accommodation, incentivizing treatment, natural consequences
• 32:41–34:37: Parent self-care strategies and preparedness

Additional Resources Mentioned

• Dr. Andrea Temkin Yew’s Book: Supporting Your Teen’s Mental Health: Science-Based Parenting Strategies for Repairing Relationships and Helping Young People Thrive

Summary Takeaways

• Connection, not correction, lays the groundwork for resilience and openness around mental health and substance use.
• “Validation” isn’t agreement—it’s the prerequisite for real dialogue.
• Parents’ own reactions and coping set the tone for the whole home; caring for yourself is a parenting strategy.
• Skills-based, collaborative, and individualized responses are more effective than traditional punishment.
• Every family can benefit from proactive, planned, compassionate approaches—crisis is not a requirement for change.

To learn more, follow Dr. Avery on social media or visit thrivingwithaddiction.com.