Throwing Fits: The Mary H.K. Choi Interview

Published: March 30, 2026 | Host: Throwing Fits | Guest: Mary H.K. Choi

Episode Overview

This episode reunites the Throwing Fits hosts with bestselling author Mary H.K. Choi, six years after her last visit, to discuss her new novel, Pool House (out June 9). The conversation is freewheeling and hilarious, covering everything from the existential state of book publishing, fit checks, Asian American identity, writing sex scenes, the culture of "performative reading," navigating success and failure, the mechanics of book marketing, transitioning from YA to adult fiction, and much more. Mary’s trademark candor, wit, and self-deprecation provide a ton of memorable moments, making this a must-listen (or must-read) on creativity, the grind of writing—and surviving—the modern zeitgeist.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Fit Check and Personal Style

• Mary's Layered Fit:
  • Outerwear: Nanamica Parka (Gore-Tex fishtail, “very warm”)
  • Vintage pieces: 80s Yoji suit pants, 90s silk shirt from her dad's import/export days (“covered in sodium alginate, waterproof”)
  • Socks: “Little cashmere ones from an old Asian female-owned business”
  • Shoes: Vintage Gucci loafers, women’s, “Tom Ford era, small horsebit”
  • Underwear: Uniqlo + “viral jelly bra from TikTok,” declared “the most autistic friendly bra I’ve ever met” [08:08]
  • Accessories: Burberry vintage scarf, Porter bag, classic L.L. Bean trapper hat (“buffalo check—making a resurgence”), vintage opal ring (“needs to be hydrated”), and “hilarious jewelry” (Junior Kieselstein cord)

“My dad was a garmento…It’s part of my personal mythos. Swag is in your blood.” – Mary, [06:14]

2. Life Since Last Visit and Writing Process

• Six Years Later: Mary jokes about “unfurling from total irrelevancy,” discussing the long development cycle for Pool House, getting diagnosed with ADHD and autism during the process, and the humility of fiction writing.
• Writing as Neurodivergence:
  • Mary reveals much of her self-discovery was intertwined with her writing: “In this book I discovered I was ADHD. In this book I discovered I was autistic.” [17:43]
  • The crafting process is likened to a “humiliation ritual” and “kink.” [17:34]

3. Publishing Industry & Book Marketing Real Talk

• Books in the Zeitgeist:

  • Mary bemoans the challenges of marketing literature in a “pivot to video world,” especially for Gen Z. [01:55]
  • Discusses being “the envoy from Bookland”—“remember books?”

• Marketing Plans, Virality, and BookTok:

  • Strategies discussed: Podcasts, NPR, classifieds in Substacks, and “spray and pray” tactics for BookTok.
  • “Having a little viral moment [on BookTok] can move tens of thousands of books—which is a lot for books.” [71:04]
  • Book blurb economy: “Blurbs are heavily edited. You can franken-anything…‘dot dot dot…great.’” [55:09]

• Korean Identity & Marketability:

  • Rejects pressure to “lean in” on Koreanness just because “Hankook is extra popping right now”: “That moment has kind of passed.” [20:32]
  • On soft power: “South Korea is the soft power capital of the world…They’ve invested so much money to make that happen,” citing Samsung/Hallyu, reality TV, and “brain Doritos.” [21:55]

4. About the Book: Pool House

• Described as: A cross between BoJack Horseman and Parasite, set in LA and exploring themes of alienation, aging, fame, and the Asian American immigrant experience with biting humor.
• Main Characters: Moon (out-of-work actor with cult 90s notoriety, often cast in orientalist or sapphic tropes), Stevie (her “chaotic,” horny and “mother-starved” daughter), Adam and Mac (detailed with killer fashion descriptions).

“It’s not depressing. It’s LA…how depressing do you find LA?” – Mary, [23:38] “Every good thing also induces anxiety about how to hold on to this…and every bad thing, it’s like, lol, at least this will end.” – Mary, [25:27]

• Writing Sex Scenes:
  • More explicit and hilarious than in previous YA books (which were already "banned" in some places for sex content).
  • “I love writing sex scenes. Anatomically, it’s kind of hilarious. It’s like doing drugs together—let’s fast forward to a certain level of intimacy.” [39:24]
  • Explains sex scenes as a writer’s tool to deeply explore character dynamics. [41:29]

5. Navigating Success, Failure, and Industry Cynicism

• Measuring Success:

  • Bestseller list as a marketing black box—“Mickey Mouse Bestseller,” “COVID asterisk,” “all humbling.”
  • “If I’m able to touch just one soul—no, I’m kidding, I don’t know, man.” [31:01]
  • On her immigrant parents: Recognition only comes after translations—“Has it been translated in your native mother tongue?” [32:44]

• Financial Realities:

  • Feast or famine, constant hustle for advances, option money was “dumb money,” and a relentless scarcity mindset: "Like a goddamn immigrant who has to go to the mattresses." [105:20]
  • “You plan, man. Your friend’s like, ‘Let’s have dinner,’ and you’re like, ‘I don’t pay to hang out.’” [105:20]

• Transitioning from YA to Adult:

  • Driven by wanting to explore “characters with fewer redeeming qualities” and write about “people in their 30s and 40s” rather than the limits/expectations of YA. [44:47]
  • “I wanted to write a book that I want to read or that I’ve never read before.” [43:48]

6. On Community, Culture, and the Internet

• Book Clubs & Performative Reading:

  • Praises Dua Lipa for “knowing ball” and explains that most celebrity book clubs have scouts reading a year out. [61:06]
  • Discusses books as social signifiers—Dior’s book bags, Dakota Johnson/Calvin Klein campaign, and the “hot dudes reading bell hooks on the subway” phenomenon. [65:29]
  • “I’m not out here being the sincerity police in this day and age…With AI, the ship has sailed.” [66:21]

• Substack & Writer Survival:

  • Loves Substack as “defetishizing writing”—“sometimes you just want a snack, not big game hunting.” [103:02]
  • Strategically paywalls because “if you paywall, you get more subscribers.” [103:31]
  • Sees Substack for writers as “like Uber for actors—optically a little depressing,” but ultimately, “all communities are dope.” [102:47], [97:01]

• Favorite Substacks: Laura Riley’s Magasin, Emily Sundberg’s Feed Me, Old Stir by Sarah Vaughten, Yasi Salek’s Bandsplain, High Touch, etc. [101:30]

• Book Recommendations: Recommends Heart the Lover by Lily King and Rejection by Tony Tulitha Moody. [99:11]

• Goodreads vs. Letterboxd: On why Goodreads hasn’t popped: “Letterboxd prizes brevity; Goodreads is a little like that Yelp guy.” [98:19]

7. Culture, Swag, and the State of NYC/LA

• On LA vs New York:
  • Describes LA as “purgatorial,” “rehab,” with parallel play, endless waiting, and houses that feel like “Airbnb or hotel lobbies.” [25:23], [88:52], [89:32]
  • “Whenever I’m in LA, I have the feeling I’ve left the gas on in my other life.” [24:25]
  • Misses “shitty, sub-$20 strip mall food” and the “information overload” of NYC. [91:28], [88:16]
• Restaurant & Fine Dining Disdain:
  • “I hate the blood sport of fine dining in this town…the rampant saucelessness.” [111:02]
  • “Salt of the earth people. Really talented…But the conversation you have to endure for your $900 sushi show omakase from some fucking dipshit private equity motherfucker next to you…” [111:15]

8. Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Key Quotes - Speaker Attribution & Timestamps

• "I fuck with books. Heavy. I stay fucking with books. But like I do know that in a pivot to video world, books tough sell."
  – Mary H.K. Choi [01:47]

• “In this book I discovered I was ADHD. In this book I discovered I was autistic.”
  – Mary H.K. Choi [17:43]

• “Living with a writer is batshit crazy…We’re like sociopaths…sitting around making up and then trying to make you care—for money.”
  – Mary H.K. Choi [16:40]

• "I love writing sex scenes. Anatomically, it’s kind of hilarious. It’s this odd thing we do together. It’s like doing drugs together."
  – Mary H.K. Choi [39:24]

• "If I’m able to touch just one soul—no, I’m kidding…I don’t fucking know, man."
  – Mary H.K. Choi [31:01]

• “You have to plan from a scarcity mindset, like a goddamn immigrant who has to go to the mattresses.”
  – Mary H.K. Choi [105:20]

• “South Korea is the soft power capital of the world…”
  – Mary H.K. Choi [21:55]

• "I think this happened for me when I was 13…just understanding that when you wear something special, people treat you differently."
  – Mary H.K. Choi [37:02]

• “I’m not out here being the sincerity police in this day and age…We’re living in AI; the ship has sailed.”
  – Mary H.K. Choi [66:21]

• “I like both…Kindle is a sundowning book. So if you’re in bed, that’s the Kindle for me.”
  – Mary H.K. Choi [64:50]

• “I could…But I’d sooner move out of New York and sell all my johns.” (on whether she’d write AI personality prompts for a living)
  – Mary H.K. Choi [69:10]

• “No one’s edited me on content for, like, PG-ness or NC-17-ness or anything like that. Just the quality of the work.”
  – Mary H.K. Choi [40:03]

Highlights & Memorable Segments

• [04:07-14:06] – Ultra-detailed “fit check” lo-fi fashion masterclass with stories about Asian fashion lineage and anecdotes about shopping/stealing at vintage fairs.
• [14:12-17:43] – Confronting the “broken promise” of not shouting out Throwing Fits in Pool House, the “dedication TK” publishing trope, and the uncompromising reality of writing.
• [23:38-25:51] – On LA as a mood and setting for the novel: love, purgatory, and depression with sun.
• [36:03-38:09] – An honest, very funny discussion about coming of age, body image, and how conservatism and the male gaze shape young women’s experiences.
• [39:24-42:16] – Open conversation about writing explicit sex scenes, why they matter, and using them for character development.
• [61:06-64:23] – On celebrity book clubs (Dua Lipa “knows ball”), books as social flexes, and the “performance” of reading in public.
• [105:20-106:18] – The volatility of author/writing finances and the unglamorous sacrifices and choices required.
• [110:27-112:31] – Brokest grown-up behavior, fine dining bloodsport, New York’s “swagless” moneyed class, and the commodification of cool.
• [115:53-117:20] – Heartfelt closing: Mary’s verdict on the pod, camaraderie, plugging Pool House and her Substack.

Useful Timestamps for Navigation

• Fit Check: [04:07–14:06]
• Dedication, Author Life, Neurodivergence: [14:12–17:43]
• Book Marketing / BookTok / Substack: [19:02–22:13], [71:04–74:00], [103:02–104:29]
• Sex Scenes & YA vs. Adult: [36:03–42:16]
• Bestseller List Mechanics: [26:28–29:00]
• Financial Real Talk: [104:44–106:41]
• NYC vs. LA Riffs: [87:16–94:41]
• Favorite Reads & Book Recos: [94:45–100:10]
• Substack, Communities, and Recommendations: [100:19–104:29]
• Book Recommendations Section: [99:11–100:10]
• End-of-Episode Reflections and Plugs: [115:53–117:20]

Final Thoughts

Throwing Fits x Mary H.K. Choi is both an ode to books and a portrait of creative hustle in a deeply unserious, glamorously neurotic, extremely online age. It’s sharp, self-aware, unfiltered, and genuinely funny—crammed with inside baseball for writers and publishing nerds, plus fashion and culture bits galore. Mary H.K. Choi’s Pool House is positioned not just as a “book of the summer,” but one with enough edge, humor, and depth to become a cult classic—and this interview is your perfect companion primer.

Follow Mary:

• IG/Twitter: @choitotheworld
• Substack: maryhkchoi.substack.com
• Pool House out June 9 (bookshop.org, indie retailers, etc.)

(All advertisements and housekeeping removed; focus maintained on core interview and discussion content.)