Tom Segura & Bobby Lee’s Villain Era

Summary

TigerBelly Podcast Summary

Episode: Tom Segura & Bobby Lee’s Villain Era
Release Date: January 28, 2026
Hosts & Guests:

• Bobby Lee (Host)
• Khalyla (Co-host)
• Tom Segura (Guest)
• Jaime, Ramsey, George (occasional contributors)

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Overview

This lively, freewheeling episode reunites comedian friends Bobby Lee and Tom Segura for a rollicking conversation spanning comedy specials, career insecurities, revenge fantasies, war hypotheticals, race and colorism, physical injury stories, and what it really means to be “crazy.” The pair riff on show business realities with self-effacing honesty, sharp wit, and the kind of comfort that long friendship brings—even when poking at each other’s egos. Khalyla and other regulars add to the chaos, making for a candid, often hilarious discussion packed with memorable moments.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Comedy Specials: Preparation, Editing, and Emotional Aftermath

[04:00–09:00]

• Tom and Bobby discuss the process and emotional intensity of taping comedy specials. Bobby describes the nerves of the first show, the relief after, and the stress around audience and peer reactions.
  • Bobby: “It wasn’t as difficult as I thought...it’s stressful. But you’re just doing your act, right? And the audience is like a TV audience, they’re hyped up.” [04:23]
  • Tom explains editing strategies—using the “hero show” and patching in the best moments from other performances:
    “You’ll edit in Show 3, but keep your hero show. A great editor changes the game.” [07:51]
• Both emphasize how much of standup’s success hinges on critical self-assessment and never feeling quite good enough, regardless of audience praise.
  • Tom: "Every comic that I know that’s very pleased with themselves is not very good." [25:09]
  • They bond over imposter syndrome and the tendency to distrust compliments from fans or colleagues.

2. Trusting Feedback in Comedy

[21:00–29:00]

• The two debate how honest to be with younger comics who ask for feedback after bad sets.
  • Tom admits he’ll often dodge uncomfortable truths to avoid crushing hopeful young comics:
    “I can’t crush an open mic’r...Clarity is kindness, but I can’t do it.” [26:28]
  • Bobby, by contrast, leans into harsher honesty, encouraging hard self-reflection:
    “You thought you killed? Five years in...get an ear, dude...what I saw was death by jokes.” [27:36]
• They reflect on how Letterman would discourage newcomers intentionally to weed out only those with real persistence:
  • “A comic will still go up after that. That’s why you know they’re meant for it.” [29:49]

3. Building a Career & Revenge Lists

[29:00–34:00]

• Bobby shares how, starting out, he felt unsupported by his local scene and how comics Dat Phan and Dad Fan were perceived as rivals since there was room for only “one Asian comic.”
• Bobby reveals he keeps a detailed mental “revenge list” of people who slighted him in his career, though it’s more for personal satisfaction than actual malice.
  • “My revenge... it’s not something I would outwardly do. But there’s always a little thing that I do.” [32:27]
  • They swap stories about industry discouragement, slights, and how these wounds linger, even after career success.

4. Stories of Regret & Guilt: Stolen Jokes, Old Grudges

[35:00–39:00]

• Bobby relates a story from early in his career: running out of material on a TV show, borrowing and adapting another comic’s premise, and living with the resulting grudge for decades—even tearing up when the other comic recently died.
  • “I quickly took this other guy’s joke and changed it...He never talked to me again.” [36:24]
  • "He held this grudge...I cried because...I did apologize 35 years ago.” [37:30]
• The segment highlights how guilt and reputation weigh on comics, shaping self-image long after incidents occur.

5. Race, Colorism, and Global Attitudes

[54:00–58:00]

• Tom and Bobby, with Khalyla and others, discuss encountering racism and colorism globally and within comedy audiences, touching on South America, Spain, Korea, and India.
  • Tom notes: “You have this illusion that the rest of the world must not be like that...and then you travel and you’re like, these people are super racist too.” [54:31]
  • Khalyla and Tom reflect on intra-community colorism, caste, and local prejudices—underscoring that America’s race issues are hardly unique.

6. "Villain Era" Discussion—Self-Perception

[39:00–44:00]

• Bobby wonders if he’s a “villain” both in the eyes of old peers and sometimes himself: “Maybe I’m a villain. I think I’m a bad person.” [39:16]
• The group lightens the mood with stories of old fights, comic beefs, and exaggerated “dragon kicks” at open mics.

7. War Movie Hypothetical & Casting a Comedian Platoon

[43:00–48:00]

• A classic TigerBelly tangent: Bobby and Tom build their fantasy “comedy platoon,” assigning roles and joking about which comedians and personalities would survive.
  • Notable picks include Santino, Sebastian, Tony Hinchcliffe, Joe Rogan, Cat Williams, Whitney Cummings, and others, with color commentary on each choice:
    “Tony Hinchcliffe—dirty, dirty dude. The dirtiest.” [44:16]

8. Physical Health, Weight Loss, Steroids, and Injuries

[16:00–18:00, 68:00–77:00]

• Bobby and Tom talk openly about the health obstacles comics face—voice loss, steroid use, weight loss, and recovery.
  • Tom details his impressive weight loss through consistency and a high-protein diet, denying injections or GLP-1 use (“Just consistency. I try to eat 50 grams of protein at every meal.” [17:14])
  • Tom recounts his accident—from a failed dunk at a too-high basketball rim that left him with severe nerve and arm injuries, two surgeries, and months of physical/emotional recovery. He credits the ordeal with opening up his mind and changing his attitude:
    “It helped open me up. I feel like I was much more reserved...I changed in that regard, for sure.” [77:07]

9. The “Being Crazy” Question

[77:20–82:00]

• The team debates why Bobby has a “crazy” reputation.
  • Khalyla offers: “If you ask him the same question Tuesday and Friday, you’ll get two different responses.” [79:48]
  • Bobby insists he’s more eccentric than crazy, citing quirks like peeing outside, having a “mungee ball” (collected dead skin), booger and earwax walls, etc.
• Tom’s take: “He’s predictably unpredictable…he’s like jarring to a first-time person who’s never been around him.” [80:21]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Bobby (on self-doubt): “I have such a critical lens… I want to feel better about what I do. I want to be comfortable enough to say things are great, that was good, but I have such a critical lens on top of me.” [24:50]
• Tom: “Every comic that I know that’s very pleased with themselves is not very good. I think we all have to have [an inner critic].” [25:09]
• On the “villain” label:
  • Bobby: “Maybe I’m a villain. I think I’m a bad person.” [39:19]
  • Tom: “I can’t see—no, I think I’m a villain too.” [39:16]
• Classic banter (on comedy platoon):
  • Tom: “Tony Hinchcliffe—dirty, dirty dude. The dirtiest.” [44:16]
  • Bobby: “Wouldn’t you want to be with me, you and Dylan? I mean, horrible platoon.” [42:48]
  • On Cat Williams & Kevin Hart: “That’s one person.” [46:30]
• On stand-up vs. Hollywood success:
  • Tom: “When people do movies and TV shows… people think it’ll translate to ticket sales. The thing we’ve learned… is that standup is what changes people’s draw.” [61:41]
  • Bobby: “You build an audience from ground up and then maybe…Hollywood will open their doors eventually.” [63:55]
  • Tom: “I feel like everything I’ve done in Hollywood is self-generated. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten… the classic call.” [64:15]
• Best description of Bobby’s character:
  • Tom: “He’s predictably unpredictable… jarring to a first-time person…eccentric, not crazy.” [80:21]
  • Khalyla: “If you ask him the same question Tuesday and Friday, you’ll get two different responses. Everything is mood-based.” [79:48]

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Key Timestamps

• [04:00–09:00] — Stand-up taping & editing process, nerves, and performance critiques
• [21:00–29:00] — Honesty, advice, and the ethics of feedback in comedy
• [29:00–34:00] — Bobby’s “revenge list” and old industry beefs
• [35:00–39:00] — Stolen jokes and guilt; career self-sabotage and regret
• [39:00–44:00] — “Villain” status; old comic rivalries & mock fights
• [43:00–48:00] — War movie tangent, fantasy casting of comedian platoon
• [54:00–58:00] — Race, colorism, and cultural attitudes in America and abroad
• [68:00–77:00] — Tom’s injury, surgeries, and how it changed his outlook
• [77:20–82:00] — Reputation for craziness, eccentricity vs. insanity
• [86:00–88:00] — Bobby’s booger walls, earwax walls, and hygiene quirks

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Podcast Tone & Style

Conversational, chaotic, and irreverently honest—Bobby and Tom’s rapport allows for teasing, real admissions, and the kind of tangents only old friends are comfortable enough to enjoy in public. The tone balances introspective moments about comedy’s emotional toll with side-splitting, gross-out stories and absurd hypotheticals, all peppered with inside-industry references.

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For new listeners:
This episode is a masterclass in candid comic self-examination, friendship, and the weird rituals of show business—with an unfiltered window into the true personalities of two of the modern era’s funniest stand-ups. Even if you miss some callbacks or in-jokes, the warmth, mutual respect, and relentless humor are easy to appreciate—especially if you like your comedy podcasts raw and real.

Transcript

[A]

Sa.

[B]

And don't talk to him much. He's a big star. He is. I heard of you, Bobby, but I never heard of Tom Segura.

[C]

He's confident. He's confident.

[B]

Tom, Tom, Tom. Hey, Jaime.

[C]

You just lost Austin.

[B]

Don't go to Austin again. Lost the whole Austin scene, man. Yeah, Texas. Austin, Texas.

[C]

No, Austin. It's not the mother ship for you. It's the mother. Stay out of Austin, buddy.

[B]

Let me try that. Take two, take two. Take two, take two. I'm sorry. Bobby told me.

[C]

Let's go. He's. He's a childhood friends with Ralph Barbosa. Really? And then we discovered him on here, on the corner of the room. And Bobby said, you will sit here.

[B]

Now.

[C]

Wait, how'd you.

[B]

Hold up?

[C]

How'd you start?

[B]

Here, Ralph Barbosa.

[C]

He got you in here? Yeah, well, Ralph came with Ralph. Just a friend sitting on the side. Then Bobby. Oh, I got you.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

You know, Bobby sees a certain body.

[B]

Shape and starts interviewing them.

[C]

And I loved the interaction. We're explaining how you met Jaime. Yeah, he said.

[B]

He said.

[C]

Yeah, no, we'll save it.

[B]

This.

[C]

You.

[B]

No, that's.

[C]

You okay. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Honestly, dude. Honestly, dude, I've never seen you have such disrespect for August.

[C]

Thank you.

[B]

This is a very important figure in my life, and you're an important figure in my life. I know, but.

[C]

So what does that mean for.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. That means, how are you?

[C]

How are you?

[A]

I like this.

[B]

Yeah. What was that? What was that?

[C]

Well, that's like.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Hey.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Hug, Hug, hug, hug.

[C]

Klala. I may threw some shade at Tom.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

Yeah, Deep shade, dude.

[A]

What happened?

[B]

Yeah, tell me what happened. Tom, tell him what happened.

[C]

I mean, it was. It was kind of weird, and I.

[B]

Apologize beforehand, but go ahead.

[C]

I mean, I just. I walked in the room, and he goes, I don't know you.

[B]

Ramsey. Do you believe it? I can't believe it. Yeah. It's insane. Yeah. Yeah. Do you want to apologize to our guest, Tom Segura, or.

[C]

Sorry.

[B]

Tom Segura.

[C]

Wait, what you. Question.

[B]

Did you see that? Dude, honestly. What the. Honestly, you're pissing me off right now, dude. What? That's. Of. When your friend? Now.

[C]

Now.

[B]

Yeah. And yesterday. Well, yesterday. Yeah. Yeah. What'd you do Every day. Every day. If I think about it, it pisses me off. I ate all the grilled ch. Sandwiches. Grilled cheese.

[C]

Wait, all the grilled cheese sandwiches?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

How many were there?

[B]

A lot. Four.

[C]

There were four grilled cheeses?

[B]

Yeah. He ate All. Yeah. At one time.

[C]

With marinara or just.

[B]

Well, ham. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah, with ham. It sounds like it was a ham and cheese. Gross sandwich. Wow.

[B]

Yeah. So you want to apologize to our guest? Sorry, Tom. Sugar.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Why is he so cocky? Right? I'm so sorry, Tom. I'm so sorry.

[C]

This is just.

[B]

I know, I know, I know, I know we're starting off on the wrong.

[C]

How. How is it the fourth time? You think it's still working? You're like, I don't believe in rules of three.

[B]

Rules of eight. Yeah.

[C]

Dude, can you say it like a spck. Can't you?

[B]

Tom Segura. Yeah.

[C]

Come on.

[B]

Hey, Tom Segura. Hey, Bobby. It's Tom Segura. Yeah, very good.

[C]

But can't you do like a Segura?

[B]

Oh, Tom Segura.

[A]

You still not roll your Rs, Jaime Segura.

[B]

Look at those lips. Can't do anything. Yeah. Yeah, Tommy. So I shot it.

[C]

You shot. So wait.

[B]

So, Tommy.

[C]

How many has Tom done now?

[B]

So he's done eight.

[C]

No, six. Six.

[B]

Yeah, six.

[C]

But. So just. Did you fill them in on our. Because we spoke last week.

[B]

Yeah, we did.

[C]

And I was like, it's coming up. And you're like, fuck you, man. You fucking asshole. I was like, what? I was like, it's going to go great. And you were. And I could tell it went well because. Cuz, you have a big smile. You walked. I said, how'd it go? Huge smile. It went great.

[B]

Well, here. Here's the thing. It wasn't as difficult as I thought.

[C]

It was going to be because you've done it 20,000 times.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

That whole thing.

[B]

Well, it's. No, it's. It's.

[C]

It's stressful.

[B]

It's stressful. But you're just doing your act, right? Right. And the audience is like a TV audience. It's hyped. They're hyped up. They're hyped up.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So it's like I can't see unless you're not prepared. You know what I mean?

[C]

But you've been like your last 20 years are preparing. You're prepared.

[B]

When opportunity meets, you're Eminem.

[C]

I get it.

[B]

No, I know. I know what it is. I know what. Let me. When practice meets.

[A]

No. Opportunity.

[B]

Yeah. Opportunity means a preparation.

[C]

Preparation.

[B]

That's success.

[C]

That's not the expression. But that.

[B]

No, no, no. What is it then?

[C]

Talent plus everything.

[B]

Talent plus everything. Yeah. You don't know it either. I don't know it. Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

So wait, you T. Yeah. Do you have a favorite one of the four?

[B]

I think the fourth one is where I was the most. Wild.

[C]

Wild.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. I was. I was like, I have it in the can, so I'm just gonna go a little extra mugging wise. In bits. Yeah. You know, I mean. Yeah. What do you mean? Four was.

[C]

Four was definitely the most.

[B]

Bobby. One and first one was, was, I thought like a great stand up special. Oh, okay. Thank you.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, that does make sense, actually. That makes a lot of sense.

[B]

Well, explain because that doesn't make any sense to me.

[C]

So here's the thing. The first one, you actually have the most nerves.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So the way you, the way you perform on show one is probably the closest to, like, I'm gonna put on the best stand up show I can. Once the. Once you start knocking down more and more shows, you get like a looseness to you. But that doesn't necessarily mean that you're better.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

You know, I mean, sometimes that first one has the right amount of anxiety.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

And. And all the elements are right to have like the best performance.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Very, very, very good. Very, very good.

[C]

That's so Asian the way you just.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Well, I'm Asian.

[C]

I know.

[B]

And I'm not going to apologize for it anymore.

[C]

Anymore. Yeah.

[B]

I mean, I am who I am. I'm proud of who I am. And sometimes I like this. Okay. Sometimes I do, you know, and so what are you looking at her for?

[C]

Just like, how you doing?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. And then. Well, here's the thing. After the first show, I got off stage and everyone was kind of meeting me backstage.

[C]

This is annoying. The shit out of you.

[B]

No, I just saw their faces and it seemed like they were like, that was it, you know, I mean, so after that it was fine.

[C]

Doesn't it? Did you do the thing where after the first one when they're like, you got it. And you're like, great, let's cancel the next three.

[B]

You know what? There was a part of me that was like, did I say that? Why are we doing three more?

[C]

I fucking. I'm always like, yeah, book a bunch. And then when they're like, you got it. I'm like, good, let's all go home.

[B]

I know, but you have to do three more. But do you edit all? Like, how many, how many specials do you. I mean, shows do you do?

[C]

So the way I've always done it is you. You have your shows taped, they'll send you line cuts. Right. Like, of all four, usually the One that you feel the best about is the best one. It becomes your hero show. Like the baseline show. And then you go to like. All right, it's minute 22. It's my bit about spam or whatever you're talking.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you go, 10 minutes on that, babe.

[C]

You go, all right, I remember Show 3. It just hit, right? So you'll edit in Show 3, but you'll keep your hero. Show, show.

[B]

Wow. Magic.

[C]

A great editor changes the game. Just like in TV film. Like a great editor. I would hire an editor that has done so many specials because they do have a skill set for it. They know how to do it.

[B]

What do you mean you're gonna have it? I have a good editor.

[C]

I think so. Yeah.

[B]

Who's editing what?

[C]

You have a great one.

[B]

Who?

[C]

They're gonna hire him?

[B]

Yeah, he's good. Yeah, yeah, but who is it?

[C]

I got good wrecks. I got good rex, if you want good Rex.

[B]

What's a rex mean? Yeah, recommendations. He knows people. He does know people. Yeah, yeah, Sagura. He knows. How many wrecks do you have, dude?

[C]

I got a few.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. But what. What. What wreck would you. Was number one, the wreck?

[C]

I mean, I don't want to, like, blow up their spot.

[B]

Okay, okay.

[C]

Because you might not hire them.

[B]

I'll tell you.

[C]

I'll tell you off mic. And then you can see what they've done, and you can be like, all right. And you meet them and you just go.

[B]

It's like in Star wars when they. When George Lucas first showed Star. Star wars to Scorsese, Brian De Palma and Spielberg, they didn't like it. They're like, what the fuck is this? What the fuck is this? And then they hired. They edited it differently. They looked the action, dictate the edits, and it changed the whole thing.

[C]

Have you ever heard those stories about when he would take the Star wars.

[B]

Film school script around?

[C]

When George Lucas was, like, shopping the Star wars script and people were like.

[B]

What the fuck is this?

[C]

They're like, yeah, there's Chewbacca in space. They're like, you're out of your goddamn mind, man.

[B]

Because his peers were doing legitimate, realistic, kind of like grounded work. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Like, you know, and he's like, they're.

[C]

On tat Scarface, and then the Millennium Falcon's going to come. And they're like, okay, listen, whatever you've been smoking, knock it off. Try to write a real script and come back to us.

[B]

I also heard people on set when they were shooting, especially like the tattooing scenes, just extras or background act going. This movie sucks. Just out loud.

[C]

Harrison Ford famously was like, hey, man.

[B]

We can't say this.

[C]

Like he told him he'll deliver this line.

[B]

Do you believe that? That guy, you know, Ramsey Badawi. Hey, what's going on?

[C]

Ramsey Badawi?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how you do it, Jaime. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you, are you well aware of Tom Segura's.

[C]

Yeah, very well aware.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Huge fan, Tom.

[C]

Thanks, buddy.

[B]

And. And Ramsey's a stand up, you know what I mean, Being a paid regular.

[C]

Yeah. Congrats.

[B]

Thank you very much. Congrats. I'm just waiting for it anyway. And Ramsay had never seen Star wars.

[C]

Until the other day.

[B]

We're on the road and I go, I'm forcing you to watch the first half. 1:30 in the morning, Bobby made me.

[C]

Come to his room.

[B]

Yeah. And watch Star wars on an iPad in his lap.

[C]

Jesus.

[B]

A new hope.

[C]

That's your first experience.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

I was in my pajamas.

[B]

He was in his pajamas.

[C]

What did you think of the first?

[B]

It's pretty good. Yeah.

[C]

Pretty good.

[B]

I like what they were doing.

[C]

I recommend a larger screen, maybe surround sound.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. He it up by editing, putting in that CGI in there. Do you know that the.

[C]

On the re release, the real releases. Yeah, yeah. I don't know.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. I don't like it.

[C]

Yeah, they really. The movie, though, holds up.

[B]

It's so good.

[C]

It's so good.

[B]

It's a classic story about good and evil.

[C]

My kids that were refusing to watch it, like for the first, like, I was always like, I'll show them all the shit that I think they'd like.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Now, now I don't want to see this. And then this summer I got them to watch it and it was so funny because we started in the order they were released.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And they were dialed in like they were dialed in for New Hope, Empire, Jedi. And then when I got to like the newer ones, they'd get up and just walk around because they're not as good. They're not as good, right? They're not as good.

[B]

They're not as good.

[C]

Although a lot of the stuff that, that they started putting out, like these.

[B]

Series that they put out, like Mandalorians.

[C]

Fantastic.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Very good. Yeah, yeah. Very fantastic.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

You've seen them all those too.

[C]

I've not seen them all, but I did. I ate up Mandalorian.

[B]

I thought you ate it up. Ate up Billy Burr's in it.

[C]

Yeah, Billy Burr is in it. He's great.

[B]

He's great. Great actor.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Fine man.

[C]

Fine man.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Great pilot.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, great pilot.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

He texted me a couple times this weekend. How did it go? You didn't. In fact, I'll give you the list of people that did text and checked in with me. All right. Dane Cook. Not you, Bert. Ooh, not you. Santino, obviously. Rogan. Who else? Just a bunch of people. Yeah. Busy with your TV show?

[C]

My special Teacher is out on Netflix right now. Please check it out.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Number six.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

I am busy with the TV show. And thank you for doing it last season. You did it.

[B]

I had a really good time doing it.

[C]

That was really fun.

[B]

That was a fun experience. You know, it's fun that my successful friends invite me to do things. And you're a successful guy, though.

[C]

Why do you always act like you're not successful?

[B]

I didn't say that. What did I say?

[C]

I'm just saying, you always.

[B]

You, Tommy.

[C]

Tommy, you imply, though. You imply that there's a difference. You're.

[B]

I mean, obvious.

[C]

Okay, here we go.

[B]

I mean, obviously, things are going good.

[C]

Okay, good.

[B]

All right.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

I have eyeballs feelings, you know? I mean, I'm adapted to the environment.

[C]

I like the way you do your index fingers.

[B]

Like this.

[C]

Yeah, no, I don't.

[B]

Yeah, I do that.

[C]

It's just the shape of your.

[B]

Yeah, I do it, you know. Yeah, that. That. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Good. Yeah. And so what are you doing?

[C]

Oh, nothing.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Just make sure you check out the special.

[B]

Yeah. Teacher. Yeah, it's out on Netflix now.

[C]

And sign up for an account.

[B]

Yeah. You know what's so funny about your backdrop drop? Right. It's so simple, you know. I made mine too elaborate, I think.

[C]

How elaborate was it?

[B]

It was pretty elaborate. Like a set design.

[C]

You did do set design.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, he did set this. Yeah. Set design.

[C]

When? Last week when you said that. I thought it was a bit. No, it wasn't a bit.

[B]

No.

[C]

What. What was it?

[B]

I spent all my money on set design.

[C]

What is it? What's that?

[B]

Well, there's, you know, I mean, a unicorn in it. No, I'm kidding. No, it's. It's a forest.

[C]

It's a forest.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. But there's, like, layers, dimension. You saw it. Right dimensionals to it.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we had that. What's that?

[A]

Who gets to keep the. The forest?

[C]

We're getting.

[B]

It's in a dumpster right now. What are you talking. Getting a piece in here.

[A]

No, we have to keep it somewhere.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Did you go to the taping?

[A]

I was around. I went to rehearsals.

[C]

She was the on standby doctor because.

[A]

He lost his voice.

[B]

This is what happened. So Friday, second show, I get off and I go. I can't talk.

[C]

It was gone because you were like.

[B]

I blew it out.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I blew it out, Tommy. Yeah. Right. Can I call you Tommy? Because lately I've been calling you Tommy.

[C]

I like it.

[B]

Yeah. All right. Do you let everyone call you Tommy?

[C]

It's usually friends and family.

[B]

All right, I got it. All right. Can I call you Tommy?

[C]

No, Jaime.

[B]

Absolutely not, dude. It's like when people call me Bob.

[C]

Robert. Yeah.

[B]

Only certain people can call me Bob. What do you call me?

[C]

I usually say Bobby.

[B]

Yeah, you do. Yeah. Standard. But you know what? I'm allowing you and giving you the opportunity to call me whatever you want. That's. I think that's how deep our relationship goes. Now. Where you can go, you can go Robert, Bob, Bobbo. You know what I mean? Babaloo. Babaloo. Whatever you want to call you Chino. You can call me Chino. You probably Chino. Chinese guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I blew up my voice. Friday, second show.

[C]

Can I call you S. Oh, Tom.

[B]

Thomas. Thomas. That's good.

[C]

You're interrupting the story.

[B]

I'm trying to figure out Thomas. Mr. S. And just put like a right here on your chest. Look at Bobby's face, Jaime. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Hit or miss. Yes. Sometimes. He's on sometimes. Wow. Where are we? What are we doing? You know? So blew it out. I was in a panic, Tommy.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

I call her. You know what I mean? I go. I don't know what to do. And Saturday was 91 1. Just people in my hotel room giving me stuff. And you know what we did?

[C]

What?

[B]

Steroids.

[C]

And it worked.

[B]

It fucking worked.

[C]

Aren't steroids the best?

[B]

They're the best, dude. Yeah. I'm a big story. Fanatic. I'm up on it. Yeah. In fact, you know what? I'm willing. If I took more steroids to work out, would you be opposed to that?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Why?

[A]

Your organs will eventually shut.

[B]

They're already shut. That's the thing about my organ way in the future.

[C]

Yeah. You should do. Get. Get Anivar.

[B]

Get Windstrail.

[A]

Those are the old school hits.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Navar, Anivar, West Draw, Deca.

[B]

Deca. What does that do?

[C]

It's just a stack. You're gonna be. You're gonna be.

[B]

I'm gonna stack it out.

[C]

You're tight, you're tape. Huh?

[B]

Because you're fit now. You tie, you take.

[C]

I want it.

[B]

No, but you take. No, you take nothing.

[C]

Nothing. Right now. I take T. T is good.

[B]

And let me. Can I ask you another private question, if I may? Yeah. A podcast. On a podcast. We get it. Right? Right.

[C]

Social Security number.

[B]

No. No. You. You've lost a lot of weight since. For the last three or four years.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You've been doing it naturally.

[C]

Yes, I have. I eat more than anybody. Like that is losing weight. I eat four times a day.

[B]

You're not doing injections?

[C]

No. Not doing GLP1s? No.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So it's discipline.

[C]

Yeah, it's. It's consistency.

[B]

Oh, it's consistency, yeah. Wow.

[C]

I try to eat 50 grams of protein at every meal. Damn.

[B]

50. Is that a lot?

[A]

That's a lot, yeah.

[B]

Okay, so a lot of meat.

[C]

I mean, chicken, fish, meat, eggs.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Shopify. Shopify.

[A]

Guys, it's a new year.

[B]

It's a new year. But I'm thinking about new things to sell online.

[A]

Like what?

[B]

Yeah, like my own clothing line.

[A]

Fancy.

[C]

What would you call it?

[B]

Hobo 2000? How about Levi? That's a very good idea. Very good idea.

[A]

You know, I mean, there's only really one.

[B]

One way to do it.

[A]

One way to do it and that's Shopify.

[B]

Well, that's obviously that. You know what I mean? I would not do any businesses, start a business online without Shopify.

[A]

Yeah. If you're thinking about launching a new business, Shopify is it.

[B]

Shopify gives you everything you need to sell online and in person. Millions of entrepreneurs have already made the leap from household names to first time business owners. Just getting started. Listen, guys, we, we have an online business here. We use Shopify. We only use reliable business models and Shopify is the most incredible.

[A]

And Shopify gives you all the tools to easily build your dream store. Choose from hundreds of beautiful templates that you can customize to match your brand style. Set it up super fast with Shopify's built in AI tools that write product descriptions and headlines and help you edit product photos. Marketing is built in to create email and social campaigns that reach customers wherever they scroll.

[C]

As you grow, Shopify grows with you.

[A]

Handle more orders, expand to new markets, and do it all from the Same dashboard in 2026.

[C]

Stop waiting to start selling with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com tigerbelly go to shopify.com tigerbelly that's shopify.com. tiger belly, hear your first this New year with Shopify by your side.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, That's.

[C]

I'm way heavier. Even on the right there. I'm way heavier. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Look at the left.

[C]

That's two. You know when that was? The time that I gave you the ride. That's then. Remember I gave you the ride?

[B]

Oh, that's right. That was then. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

That's about 265.

[B]

That's how much you weighed in there.

[C]

And I weigh one like 187. 188.

[B]

And Christina still had sex with you then.

[C]

Just barely.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

That's good. Yeah.

[B]

Now look. Wow. And look at you now. Amazing.

[C]

What do you think?

[B]

Good looking man? You think he's good looking? No, For a fit guy.

[C]

For.

[B]

How old are you?

[C]

I'm 46, man. Oh, damn.

[B]

Yeah, we're all up there now, you know? Yeah. Do you look at me like your elder?

[C]

Do I?

[B]

I gotta ask you.

[C]

I thought you were asking him.

[B]

You.

[C]

You did look at me.

[B]

I mean, you are older than me, so. Yeah.

[C]

See what that means?

[B]

Mentor. Okay.

[C]

Mentor. That's nice. My Obi Wan Kenobi, he always. It's always goes up. He's like talking directly to your.

[B]

Because you're not. Are you not sure?

[C]

Yeah. I was looking at Tom for reassurance. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I'm your Obi Wan Kenobi and you're Luke Skywalker. No, no. Jawa. Can I do the little teddy bears, Walkies or whatever?

[C]

Ewoks.

[B]

Ewoks.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, yeah, You. Right. In the. In the Star Wars. A Star wars world, you'd be an Ewok. Yeah. I think more. Jawa.

[C]

Oh, Jar Jar.

[B]

No. Yeah. What do you think? Anyway, let's. We can move on that. Yeah. But then I did the steroids and second show, I. It was just perfect. Yeah. And then.

[C]

That's awesome, dude. I'm happy for you.

[B]

Here's the thing, though, Tommy.

[C]

What?

[B]

You know people. I've had this situation happen.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Where people go, I saw you in this movie. Or a great movie. I haven't seen that. Was it. Or whatever. And then watch it and it's not great. So then you don't trust people's opinions.

[C]

Wait, because the movie's not great?

[B]

No, because I look at. I go, I wasn't good in that.

[C]

But that's skewed.

[B]

It's not skewed. I legitimately wasn't good at that. And they go, I'm Looking in the camera. I'm stuttering my words.

[C]

Yeah, but is it somebody? Is it, like, showbiz people? Or is it. Or is it a friend?

[B]

Anybody? Like, I don't trust sometimes the people around me. So when I got off stage and people were like, that's it. You did it. Right. There's always a little bit of me like, you sure?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you do that or no? Of course you do that.

[C]

Right? Of.

[B]

Yes. Because people are bullish. Bullshit.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah, Yeah.

[C]

I also don't trust, like, you know, I don't, like, when somebody gives me, like, a physique compliment. I don't trust them.

[B]

Like what I did earlier.

[C]

No, no, no. Like, when somebody goes like, you look better than you used to look. That's normal.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

When they try to, like, gas me up, like, I'm like. They're like, wow.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Like, you're. I'm like, what are you talking.

[B]

You look like Henry Cavill. Like, the. Out of here.

[C]

I don't trust them. I don't trust them.

[B]

Yeah, Yeah.

[C]

I don't.

[B]

I don't trust that. Yeah. For the rest of your life, you don't trust them.

[C]

Exactly.

[B]

For the rest of their lives.

[C]

And the. And the tapings, it bothers me, too.

[B]

Tell me why. Because I'm feeling the same thing.

[C]

Okay. So I. I was, like, talking about this on the one that I taped is that I taped this time. I taped three shows. First one, like you said. I think for yours, the first one to me, felt great. And I always think you, as the person performing, you actually know truly the nuances of when it's good, when it's decent, when it sucks. Like, you just know you're the one that has reference to all the shows. Right. That's why you can do a show because we're there. Yeah. But you can do a show somewhere. Like, you could book your show. Let's say you're in San Antonio and you walk off stage and you're like, that show sucked.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And someone's like, great show. They. It might be a great show to them.

[B]

Exactly.

[C]

Because they saw one show this year.

[B]

Right.

[C]

You know the show sucks.

[B]

Right.

[C]

But in the tapings, when someone's there for all the shows and they're like, oh, that third show's the one you're like. Are you talking about, like, yeah, we. We just did three other. We did two other shows. Yeah.

[B]

And you said that about the other ones, too.

[C]

And you know that the other show was better. Yeah, no, I like this one.

[B]

You're like, yeah.

[C]

You start to go, I do.

[B]

I. I. Well, it doesn't mean me too. Yeah, I do that, too.

[C]

What the Are you talking about?

[B]

Talking about Willis. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Even say the Willis.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Because I'm a Different Strokes fan and I really miss Emmanuel Lewis. Do you remember that Gary Coleman?

[C]

You do you know that show?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. What you talking about with us? Wow. Wow. That's amazing.

[C]

You. And you didn't even question it. You didn't know what you talking about. Willis.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. You didn't do that. Yeah. So let's be honest now, that being said in the room, what do you guys think now?

[C]

So you won for me.

[B]

One for you. I liked one in four. One in four. I would say one was. Was killer before. Felt like Bobby at the Comedy Store. Okay, George, Same one in four. One in four.

[C]

I. I would trust the fact that they're talking about those two shows. I bet. I bet your special is going to be a mix of those two shows.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

But it's. It's going to be. What do you want your hero show to be? Is it going to be one out of the gate, whatever that fire was? Or are you going to want the feeling of it's me at the Comedy Store?

[B]

At the end of the day, I'm just going to let them do it.

[C]

Yeah. Have your editor telling you, man.

[B]

Yeah. I'm just going to let them do it. And then I'll just. Because even if it's like the best, I'll look at it in such negative context. My eyes.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, that's the thing. I want to feel better about what I do. That's. That's. I think that's what we're getting at here. It's just like, I want to be comfortable enough with myself to go, you know what? Things are great. That was good. This and that. But I have such a critical lens on top with me.

[C]

That's good, though.

[B]

You think that's a good thing?

[C]

I think some of it is, yeah. I mean, every comic that I know, it's very pleased with themselves is not very good. I think we all have to have.

[B]

Are you. Let's say I'm an open Micah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Right. And you, you just happen to be seeing me at the mothership or whatever.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And I don't do very good. Yeah. But I come up to you go, hey, man, what you think? Are you honest with that person? Let's do it right now. Hey, Tommy Sagara, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's up, man? What's up, love? Teacher dude.

[C]

Oh, thanks.

[B]

I just saw it on Netflix.

[C]

Thanks, buddy.

[B]

Yeah, it's out now.

[C]

Yeah, it is crazy.

[B]

Check it out. Yeah. Anyway. Get your subscription?

[C]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Anyway. Yeah, I just did a spot, man. I thought I rocked it.

[C]

What do you think I was. I wouldn't even. I just. I just got here.

[B]

Oh, you would lie that you didn't see it.

[C]

How bad is there? How bad was their set?

[B]

Pretty bad.

[C]

Pretty bad.

[B]

Like the guy before was, you know, I mean, did a really pretty good job. An average job. Got good laughs. Right. It was kind of. Maybe he got a pop on one thing.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But pretty much it was dead zone.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

But he's like, tommy killed it.

[C]

Yeah, well, you got great stage presence, man.

[B]

Lie. You lie, then. Well, I don't. It's a lie. I can't.

[C]

I can't crush. I can't crush.

[B]

Clarity is kindness.

[C]

I know, but I can't crush.

[B]

Ali Wong told me that. Yeah. Claire, right? I like it. Yeah. But, yeah, I know.

[C]

Ally's a savage.

[B]

I know. Clarity is kindness.

[C]

I can't. You're gonna smash an open micr who's.

[B]

Like, well, I've been doing it for five years, so I don't. Wouldn't even consider myself an open mic. Oh.

[C]

I mean, they have this kind of attitude.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I called you Tommy three times. I don't even know you.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Tommy S. What's up?

[C]

All right. Get back on the horse, man. You know?

[B]

But you think I have a future?

[C]

Five years.

[B]

Five more years. No, I've already been doing five years. Right. What are you deaf? Tommy S. I'm telling you. Oh, he's crazy. He's crazy.

[C]

Five do. Five more years.

[B]

Really?

[C]

Yeah. But. But keep doing. Keep coming back. You'll get it. Still hopeful.

[B]

I tell you my argument against that.

[C]

Okay, okay. You're like, hey, quit.

[B]

No, I would just say, wait, yo, how long you been doing it? Five years. And you thought you killed.

[C]

Yeah, that's. I know where you're going.

[B]

I would ask them.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You thought you killed. Yeah. Five years in.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Get an ear, dude.

[C]

I. I have two ears.

[B]

Yeah. Well, then turn them on. Turn your ears on. Because what I saw was death. You. I mean, death by jokes. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. And. And I'll tell you another thing, guy.

[C]

Right? Yeah.

[B]

Oh, five years. That's kind of harsh. No, that's too harsh. I think a lot of that happen. I went too far.

[C]

Ask you this. You've done kill Tony, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Do you. Do you enjoy or does it make you nervous to tell them how they're doing?

[B]

No, I. I makes me. I. Obviously, I'm not like this.

[C]

Yeah, I know.

[B]

I'm worse than you.

[C]

I get.

[B]

Oh, yeah, you're gonna make it. That's me. Yeah. You're gonna make it in two years, bud.

[C]

I get uncomfortable.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

Well, here's the thing. But you actually made up. You made a good point. When they're kind of like, hey, And. And it's bad. I can't be like, hey, you suck. When they have a bad one and they have attitude, it's easier to like. But even then, I still am. Like, I'm not that comfortable.

[B]

Like. Yeah.

[C]

On them.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Super hard.

[B]

But my argument is this, Tommy.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. Is that stage time is valuable.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And if you don't have it after about five, 10 years. Yeah. And you're still doing it, you're kind of cogging up this time for some young kid that can be up there.

[C]

I mean, I think you're right. I think more than that, it's about that person's own time. Like, I remember seeing one, one time who was at an open mic, and they were. Afterwards, it was like, I'm 15 years in. And it was like, you're 15 years in right now? This is insane.

[B]

Like, I know.

[C]

You know?

[B]

Yeah, but do you have to be nice? Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

But also, is it our responsibility to manage that for anybody else? Like, you fucking figure it out, man.

[B]

Yeah, but David Letterman once said, right, that when a young comic comes up to him and says, I'm thinking about doing stand up, he always goes, don't. You're never going to. It's going to be difficult. It's difficult to make it. Don't ever do it. The reason why he says that is because a comic will still go up after that.

[C]

He's right.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

He's right.

[B]

A comic will still go, you know what? Fuck you. I'll prove you wrong. And we'll go up there.

[C]

That is true. Because you were told that I'm sure, too. Right. Like, somebody told, oh, my God, the.

[B]

Local scene in San Diego. Right. To me. Now, I've heard other stories about how I was. Right. I've heard stories about how I was. But from my perspective, they weren't supportive of me.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

They were rooting for dad. Yeah. So dad and I started in the same couple years, right?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And when dad came along, that fan, right.

[C]

Everybody was like, there's two of them.

[B]

Yeah, I know.

[C]

This is insane.

[B]

Where's our Asian clown car? We're growing them. We're growing them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Can't be. It can't be two, right? It was like two. One too many. It was one too many anyway. And so he was sort of like the Harvey Dent, like the saving grace, right? Because I was so weird and they were like. So all the locals liked him and they just didn't like me. That. What's this? Yeah.

[C]

You guys reconnected?

[B]

Not too. Yeah.

[C]

Holy. There's three of them.

[B]

Like gremlins. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that, that. Wow, look at that photo. Me, Jimmy and Dad. Now there's a lot. And I, I, and I support it, but so, you know, I, I, but I just didn't get a lot of. Did you get support when you started.

[C]

From, like, other comedians?

[B]

Yeah, like that. You start in la.

[C]

I started in la.

[B]

Oh, that's the toughest place to start.

[C]

It's a tough place to start. But I was unaware that it's tough to start. You know what I mean? Like.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

If you don, you don't know. Yeah, I didn't, I didn't really know. I mean, no, I mean, I can't really say that people were any which way about it because I went to the store a couple. I didn't go to the store much. I would go to the Improv.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Improv had a scene where, like, I don't know, I felt like you could get more on these book shows. And I was doing all the bringers around town, all those things. They also booked me as an emcee, like, pretty early on. And so I just started to work like that. But, I mean, I can't, I don't really feel like I had, like a lot of support or anybody, like, putting me down.

[B]

So there was no names on a list.

[C]

Oh, no name shows?

[B]

No, no. You didn't have names. Like, this fucker was mean to me. I'm going to get revenge. Not because he made Ralph. I mean, not Ralph. Me and Ramsey have that. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Who's on your list again?

[B]

I don't want to say it out loud.

[C]

Do you have. There's some good ones on there.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, I have a list.

[C]

You have a list?

[B]

I'm Korean.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And Koreans all have lists. Really organized. It's organized list. Yeah. Alphabetically. Now let me say something.

[C]

Okay. Yeah.

[B]

My revenge. It's not something that I would outwardly do.

[C]

It's just my revenge.

[B]

No, but there's always, like a little thing that I do. Not outward.

[C]

Can I ask you something about this list, though. Tell me, are the people on the list working now? Like, are they.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Really? Oh, yeah.

[C]

And they're cunts.

[B]

They're not cons. It's just a little bit like, really?

[C]

Did they give.

[B]

What.

[C]

How was. Was their thing? Like a slight? Like a personal slide?

[B]

It's a little slight.

[C]

I do remember one time, I, I. This isn't like a. This wasn't a comedian, really. This was a writer. So I was on a writing staff. But for, you know, when they do pilots, they hire you for like a few weeks. You go to a writer's room. And I remember I was talking to one of the writers. He was a higher up guy, and he was like, talking about, like, the next thing I was like, well, I'm gonna go, you know, do some gigs. I was a middle act.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And he was like, what are you doing? I go, what? He goes, do you think you're gonna be a comedian? Like, actually make a living? And I go, I mean, that's what I'm doing. He goes, no, like, you're. I don't remember his name.

[B]

Oh, Fog. You always have to get the name, Tommy.

[C]

I mean, I could find his name, but also, what would I, like, what would I tell him? Hey, man, worked out.

[B]

That's the revenge.

[C]

But that's what I'm saying. You don't have to say it. He knows.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, that guy. No, I have to be in the room when he knows.

[C]

Oh, when this guy knows.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Or these people.

[C]

But. But this guy.

[B]

I mean, long list. There's 40 people on the list, but people.

[C]

But don't you think the people on your list, they all are, like, worked out for Bobby Lee? Shit, man.

[B]

Yeah, but I still have to go.

[C]

Oh, you want to gloat?

[B]

Not a gloat, just. That's not me gloating.

[C]

Okay. Just.

[B]

No. What's up, man? You good?

[C]

Have you not run into any of these?

[B]

I have.

[C]

And how does it go?

[B]

Well, let me just say this. Like many lists, there's crosses. I've crossed some names.

[C]

Oh, you've crossed the names up?

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Do you forgive them when the, when.

[B]

The list, when you cross them off.

[C]

Is it a forgiveness you got after the list?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do. Okay. You know, be honest here, though.

[C]

I Do you love when some of them, like, some bad happens to one of them? Like.

[B]

What do you mean?

[C]

Well, like, when you hear, like, oh, stage four?

[B]

Yeah, Stage four.

[C]

He's filed for bankruptcy.

[B]

No, no, no, no.

[C]

You don't get off on that.

[B]

No, no, no. I mean, I. Actually, the opposite occurs. There's a guilt. There's always a guilt. Because there was one recently that. God, there's this guy and he. He just didn't like me for some reason. And the reason why he didn't like me is because I was starting in San Diego. I'll just tell you what, I tell you what. And I was starting. I was doing standup in San Diego and there was another guy, much like me, you mean, but he had been there longer. And I was an open micr. And then one day I was at open mic and this lady came up to me, she goes, you're good enough. Can you do tv? And I go, what do you mean? I'm an open micr. And she's like, I book a TV show. It's called Make Me Laugh. And I think you can do it. So I drove all the way to LA from San Diego. Right. And then you know what that show is? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Contestant goes out like just a regular person and there's three comics and he chooses a comic. And then we try to make him laugh within a minute. And I kept getting asked, which means I was burning through material. Yeah, yeah. So by the third one or fourth one, it was this show, Make Me Laugh.

[C]

This from like 1963.

[B]

There's a 90s version of a comic.

[C]

Bobby's old.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. What do you think?

[C]

It's like Dean Martin.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Nice.

[B]

Joan Rivers. And I. It was. So by the third and fourth time they called, I was. I remember being standing there on TV going, I just ran out of my last job and hopefully they don't ask me again. And they asked me. So I. I quickly took this other guy's joke.

[C]

Oh.

[B]

And changed it, right?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And I did it and it got them to laugh. And then the guilt.

[C]

Yeah, that makes like. That makes sense, right? Yeah. But it's also like, for somebody in stand up, like, you understand why somebody at that. That time and place would do that.

[B]

Exactly, exactly.

[C]

Did he come after you?

[B]

Worse. Okay. So I drive all the way back to San Diego and I. I go to a club and I see him. I walk right up to him, I go. I explained to him, like, you know, I just didn't. I was desperate and I did one of your premises. I mean, I changed it. Yeah, you mean. And he goes, thief. And he never liked me since then. He never talked to me again.

[C]

I can understand the anger at the time. Even to today.

[B]

Yeah, even till this day. Well, no, because he died. I was gonna talk, so.

[C]

Well, can we say who it is now?

[B]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[C]

What's he gonna call you?

[B]

So five months ago, he died.

[C]

Five months ago?

[B]

Yeah, he died. And when I found out he died, I cried.

[C]

That's. That's unfortunate. That's sad.

[B]

And I cried because I thought to myself, I did apologize 35 years ago when I did it.

[C]

Yeah, but.

[B]

And he held this grudge because I would hear other comics say that he still has a grudge.

[A]

Yeah. But then, you know, I know why this guilt is so deep. Because remember about 10 years ago, he had a little, like, radio show that maybe had two listeners, and we were the two listeners.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He would make me listen to this guy. He would do, like, the morning news and talk about politics, and, you know, every day we would listen on car rides.

[B]

You guys are.

[C]

You guys are.

[B]

Wow. This is. You crazy.

[C]

This is great. Did you. Did you listen?

[B]

What do you mean?

[A]

Do you remember a whole round. I don't remember Palm Springs was.

[B]

I don't remember Palm Springs, man.

[A]

Bleep. It. It was just remember.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right.

[C]

Did you.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Did you listen? Because the lesson. Because of, like, the feelings of guilt associated from that time.

[B]

No, it was this. It was this. Eventually, he was telling people he stole my act.

[C]

Oh, he was saying you did?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And then here's.

[B]

It was one stupid premise. Right. And I changed it. He's telling everyone that I stole his.

[C]

Act, and then you became super successful. So that would. That would eat at it more. Do you see what I mean? Like.

[B]

Oh, I see.

[C]

So his view was, like, this guy stole shit from me and became a success.

[B]

Yeah. And also, here's what burns more. He was also the nicest guy imaginable.

[A]

Seemed like it. We listened to him for hours.

[B]

He was sweet, very kind guy. You know? I mean, and I was kind of made to believe that back locally that I was kind of a villain, but a lot of people thought I was a villain. Maybe I'm a villain.

[C]

I can't see.

[B]

No, I think I'm a villain, too. Yeah?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I think I'm like. You know what I mean? I'm a fucking villain.

[C]

Really?

[B]

Yeah, I think so. I think I'm a bad person.

[A]

When did you and Dat get into, like, the kumite? Like, I know you, like, dragged. There was a dragon kick. There was, like, physical violence.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. He did a dragon kick to my face.

[A]

But when did that happen?

[B]

At Irish Club in Pacific beach at a Bar, like, was an open mic. Oh, okay. And then he assaulted me a little bit at the Comedy Store.

[C]

A little bit?

[B]

Yeah. What's a little bit? He assaulted me a little bit at the Comedy Store in Hollywood because I was hosting the open mics, and I was making fun of, like, a homeless guy on stage, and he. He was a doorman. He grabbed my shirt, threw me against the wall, and he goes, he was homeless. Were you making fun of people that are more unfortunate than you? And I go, whoa, dude, get your.

[C]

That was a solid impression, by the way. Also makes him sound awesome.

[B]

Yeah, he grabbed me. Yeah.

[C]

How did you respond?

[B]

I went like, what the. Get your hands off me. You know what I mean?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I wanted to say, you know, something derogatory, but then it would be against my own people. You know what I mean? A gook. I mean, your hands off me, gook. You can say, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because, you know, I'm a big platoon, and, you know.

[C]

You know, my dad's a vet, I guess.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You can understand that. Yeah. It's not out of, like, racism. It's out of, like, frustration.

[C]

Did I ever tell you that? He told me that he didn't know. That was a bad.

[B]

No, no, no. Really? What do you mean?

[C]

So my dad fought in Vietnam. He was in combat, and. And.

[B]

Hey, Mr. Segura.

[C]

Mr. Segura. And lieutenant. And then one day, I was doing an interview with him, like, for a podcast.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And he's like, when the Googs came over the hill, I was like, hey.

[B]

Hey.

[C]

I was like, hey, man.

[B]

Really?

[C]

I go, you can't say that. Yes. What are you talking about? I go, you can't say gook. He was like, why?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I go, because it's a pejorative term.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

He goes, no, it's not. I go, gook. And he goes, it's an acronym. And I go, no, it's not. Well, he goes, it stands for gentlemen of other kinds. And I go, it definitely does. I go, it definitely doesn't.

[B]

And then I. Of other kind.

[C]

I. Then I. I had to Google and show him.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And he was like, huh? I go, you're 70.

[B]

You didn't know that? Yeah.

[C]

He was like, huh?

[B]

But then, N word's bad.

[C]

I thought it was an acronym.

[B]

Like.

[C]

A National Geographic doc on Vietnam.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And they'll interview a guy who's like, yeah. So, you know, we were kind of stationed up on Hill 65. The gooks would come up and they play it on the documentary.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

It's just like, everybody from there, that era doesn't. If they fought in that battle.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

They're just like. That's how I.

[B]

You know, Hamburger Hill was a difficult battle.

[C]

It was.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. It was a very difficult battle. And they did a movie. I saw the movie. But, I mean, I can only imagine, you know, you're. That's the way you have to. When you're fighting against another group of people, you have to put them in, like, an animal zone.

[C]

You absolutely do.

[B]

Right.

[C]

I think war is the most dehumanizing that can happen.

[B]

Oh, my God. So would you be able to do it?

[C]

How can you even say. I mean, would you be able to do right now?

[B]

Probably not. Like.

[C]

But if you sent me at 18 to boot camp, who knows, right?

[B]

But Tom, Seguro, Bobby Lee, now with what we know, I don't think we'd.

[C]

Be good at it, man.

[B]

I. I know, but we would try.

[C]

We would try.

[B]

What if we had to do it? What would you.

[C]

Well, then. I mean, you. Then you have to. What do you.

[B]

I would. You know what I would ask?

[C]

What?

[B]

Give me. Put me in the same platoon as Sakura.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Dude. No. Wouldn't it. Wouldn't you want to be with me, you and Dylan? Yeah. I mean, horrible platoon. No, no, no, no. Tim will do good.

[C]

I think Tim's a little bit of a liability.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

No, I mean.

[B]

Slaughtered the whole village for no reason.

[C]

I think. I think you'd want to fight alongside people. People that you care and have your back. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Tim.

[C]

Okay, Tim.

[B]

Okay. Okay, good. Who would be let. Let's name 10 people in our platoon.

[C]

Well, we bring in Santino for sure.

[B]

Oh, for sure. He'll see. He's a snapper head. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He just going to. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

We're not bringing Bert.

[B]

No, we have to bring Bert. No.

[C]

You give away our position from the peers.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a. Yeah, yeah. Bert's a bitch. Like, I don't want to fight. I love everybody. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Leanne Le Man.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Where are my daughters? Shut up. Shut the up.

[C]

I'm trying to kill people.

[B]

Yeah. So a little off. Who's. Oh, they have to be a little off.

[C]

I mean, I think we want a little.

[B]

Okay, so me, you, Santino, Sebastian. No, Maniscalco. He's got a 50 stoic. I think he'd be like, guys. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

We're killing people.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of complaining.

[C]

Like, I got a new robe on.

[B]

Yeah. I got my nails done. I could.

[C]

I wear three colognes.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Okay. Talk about combat.

[C]

Who's a little dirty?

[B]

Who's dirty?

[C]

Yeah, we want some dirty folks.

[B]

Oh, well, Tony Hinchcliff. Oh, dirty, dirty dude. The dirtiest. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's gonna be.

[C]

We want some gnarly dudes.

[B]

Yeah, so. Tony Hinchcliff Rogan.

[C]

Yeah, so.

[B]

Oh, so gnarly. Yeah. Dana.

[C]

Dana White.

[B]

Yeah, the comic.

[C]

Dana White.

[B]

We're doing comedian. Oh, Dana White.

[A]

Dana White.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Dana White for. Yeah. No, dude, we're doing comedians. Comedian. Yeah, yeah. You're not in this country. You're not in this.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Why? Sometimes. I'm listening. I know, but sometimes Ramsay. Ramsay. Sometimes me and my bro. I think it's the steroids. Am I being really.

[C]

Yeah, definitely. I like it.

[B]

Yeah. Steroids. But sometimes, you know me, I'm talking to my friend, right? You just shut your mouth. But sometimes, you know. That was mean, huh?

[A]

Yeah. Let me hear.

[B]

You know what, dude?

[A]

Let's see what we got.

[C]

What do you put on his nose?

[A]

All right, so cubes. He's drawn cubes.

[B]

Yeah. Draw your cube. I'm sorry. That was not too much. Much. I love you. Thanks for. Okay, let's go back. Okay. Yeah.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

We got to put some women in it.

[C]

We do.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I think Whitney's kind of psycho.

[B]

Yeah, she's like. Yeah, I think.

[C]

I mean, if we were like, this is the plan, I think she would be here.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Whitney and who else? Ian Edwards.

[C]

You're out of your mind.

[B]

Ian Edwards. You know what I mean? Crossover.

[C]

We're in combat.

[B]

Okay. All right. Brian Simpson, then.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

I just don't know. I just don't know him that well.

[C]

Oh, he's fantastic.

[B]

Oh, if you're saying. I'm gonna. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

And. And like I said, he's the one who's actually be like, hey, boys, this is how you fudgeing clean your gun. Like, he's the one that.

[B]

Oh, he know. Yeah, I see. I see.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But can Brian Simpson tell Joe Rogan what to do?

[C]

I think in the combat situation, everything's out the fucking, you know?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Okay.

[A]

I have a suggestion.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Because he. I think he speaks multiple language. He could act as a linguist, and I think he is of a different type of intelligence. Is God free.

[C]

I was thinking about physical. Yes.

[B]

Yeah. Godfrey, for sure.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

God.

[C]

Yeah, let's definitely.

[B]

You want a Mexican in there? Who. Not Mexican, but Cat Williams. Okay. Cat would be good. Hi, Matt. A little. A little tiny. Okay. Yeah. Kevin Hart. And Cat. Yeah. I mean, that's one person.

[C]

How about an Arab?

[B]

Oh, we need Arab.

[C]

Yeah, we need.

[B]

Yeah, Not Fahim. Anwar. He's too clean.

[C]

Yeah, Too clean.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

A dirtier one.

[B]

You know who it is. No, he's not dirty, but I'll kind of give you.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

AK Jesus. 40 mirror. Yeah. I'm your K. Yeah.

[C]

Don't you think could call.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. He already has trauma.

[C]

Oh. And we definitely need. Because we're going to run into wherever this battle is.

[B]

Who are we fighting? Well, that's the most important thing.

[C]

It is the most important thing.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

I'm just saying there's probably an Arab out there.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

But I also feel like it's not going to hurt us to have somebody that speaks Mandarin. You got a good.

[B]

I can just take it. It's just as good.

[C]

I'm telling you this. If we see a bunch of. We're all going to go like this, all right?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'll put on my tuxedo in a top hat. You'll see it. I'll have a swirly mustache.

[C]

Ronnie Cheng. What? Ronnie?

[B]

Yeah, whatever.

[C]

Ronnie's fantastic. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

I'm gonna tell you right now. And I. I'm being real. All right. I believe that if I was negotiating, I could. I would roll back to the. Our bunker or our Foxhall, like, laughing. It's all good, guys. We're good.

[C]

You would.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah. And I'd wipe my mouth for some reason. Yeah, yeah. I come to look. It's all good, guys.

[C]

It's all good.

[B]

Yeah, it was all good.

[C]

War's over.

[B]

War's over. I ended it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I have a disease, but it's fine. Yeah. I took one for the team. Yeah. But hopefully it's not good. But I think that if you and I saw blood and stuff, that it would be. Oh, I mean, it would be. It would be bad.

[C]

You think so?

[B]

Dude, I couldn't kill anybody. There's. I. I don't care what it is. I just couldn't kill anybody.

[C]

I. I think in that situation, I think you actually. I actually feel confident that you could.

[B]

Me, too. I really need the scenario.

[C]

Somebody's coming at you with a gun, and you have one, too. I think you're gonna be.

[B]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. That doesn't work. No, I think that would work. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Who. I think we talk. Can we talk?

[C]

I think you'd actually probably have the highest kill count. You'd be you'd be. You. I think you would take off.

[B]

I would do stuff. Poison. Yeah, I would do poison.

[C]

Blow darts.

[B]

Yeah, blow darts. The whole thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I would do. I think I'm good with grenades and dynamite. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

You'd be our. Our explosives expert.

[B]

Yeah, I see it.

[C]

Bobby, you know, go throw some grenades in that school bus and get back here.

[B]

Yeah, okay. Yeah. And come back. Yeah, yeah. Put your kids in there.

[C]

That's fine. But they don't look like us.

[B]

They don't look like us. Yeah. Because they're brown and have weird ideas about whatever. Yeah, yeah. They eat. You know what I mean? Gruel, hummus.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Or whatever. With cucumbers. Yeah, yeah. What do you even laugh with cucumbers for? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or whatever.

[C]

Yeah, you could do it.

[B]

Yeah. What about you? You think you can handle it?

[A]

War. No.

[B]

Oh, look at this.

[A]

Let's see.

[C]

There we are.

[B]

There we are. Dude. What?

[C]

Bobby looks like he's on the other team.

[B]

Yeah. Who's the guy in the middle? Tim Didden. Oh, that's Dylan and that's Tom.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do we look.

[B]

Do we look so badass? You want to write that movie? Jesus, that looks like a fun movie, dude. Let's make that like a war movie.

[C]

Sure. They have cheap budgets. Let's make one.

[B]

Yeah, I would. I would love to go to Southeast Asia and shoot a movie with it.

[C]

Would you?

[B]

That was so fun, dude.

[C]

Dude, I would love to do that.

[B]

Complaining the whole time.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Fucking hot. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Where would. Where would you. If you could make a list, top three places you would want to. Want to shoot a movie because you want to be there. Where would you.

[B]

Well, I mean, I used to shoot in Hawaii, so that's a great place to shoot.

[C]

Great.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. And then I would probably like Eastern Europe.

[C]

Eastern Europe?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Like Prague or something.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Prague or something. You know, I mean, and then I would probably do. That's a tough one. Australia. Great food. Because you got to think this. You got to think great words. The great hotels and great food.

[C]

I like how you're thinking.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[C]

Yeah. They do a lot of productions in New Zealand.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. And I've been there.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Great food, great hotels. Right. You know, I don't know if we would survive. It's like the Revenant, you and I, in the real elements.

[C]

That looked like it. I heard her interview. They said it sucked to shoot that, man. Cameras were freezing all the time.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I'm like this sounds like. Yeah, I want to shoot in Italy.

[B]

Why would you want to do that?

[C]

I just feel like it'd be great. You like Italy?

[B]

Why would you want to do that? Why would you want to shoot in Italy? You like it?

[C]

The food, that was fantastic.

[B]

Thank you so much. Yeah, yeah. Hey, jumongo. Yes. Yo, jumango. What are you doing inside my hut? Go out of town, man. You come here with the cabernucci and your banana red Two faced magoo, you mean? And Two Tone, Larry.

[C]

I already see the movie.

[B]

What is Two Tone doing anyway, man? You know what I mean? Pretty good, right? Yes. Yeah, yeah. You do one Italian. Yeah, there's Two Tone there. The Tony right there. How you doing, Two Tone? Hey, Papa.

[C]

Hey, Papa. Why you making spaghetti again?

[B]

Just like how Mama used to make.

[C]

It before she divorced you.

[A]

Papa.

[B]

Uncle Jojo's here. Hey, Uncle Jojo.

[C]

You bring the good stuff, eh? I'm making the garlic bread.

[B]

Making it. You know. What's going on with you? What's going on? Lucia, you sleep all the day? Yes, I sleep all day.

[C]

All night.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Why can't you play along?

[A]

I can't do Italian with.

[B]

I can't either.

[A]

With half paralysis, I cannot.

[B]

Okay. All right. Thank you, Ramsay. Can you do Italian? Hey.

[C]

Mamma mia.

[B]

Come on. Lucha mia.

[C]

I mean, this. We're gonna get this green lit.

[B]

Yeah, but why? Because of the food. Italy.

[C]

The food, the landscape, like, the places, the land. I love it. There's.

[B]

Yeah, because you're. You're. You're. You've traveled a lot.

[C]

I mean, I guess. Yeah, yeah, I've traveled a lot. Yes. Yes.

[B]

You've been everywhere.

[C]

I've been to a lot of places.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. Hong Kong. I would love to do in there.

[A]

Hong Kong's great.

[C]

Hong Kong's an amazing city.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Never been there.

[C]

You've never been to Hong Kong?

[B]

No.

[A]

Yeah, you have.

[B]

I know, I know. I lied. I lied anti China. Yeah. I love Hong Kong.

[C]

You like?

[B]

Yeah. Good food. Yeah.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

I've been a lot of places, too. I know.

[C]

I believe you.

[B]

Yeah, a lot of places, too, you know? You know, probably not as bad as you, but I've been everywhere. Africa, everywhere. But a place that you've been that I've never been. How do you. What would you recommend?

[C]

Well, I don't know where you have.

[B]

Tobacco or is it pouch?

[C]

No, it's just a nicotine pouch.

[B]

You want to have one? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

What's. How would I know where you haven't been, though?

[B]

We'll just name the place.

[A]

He hasn't been a lot of places in South America where he hasn't been to South America.

[C]

Oh, okay. Yeah, I've been to Peru, Chile, Argentina.

[B]

Which one of. Okay, if I'm gonna go to South America, where would I go?

[C]

Ooh, Brazil is a good, good. I've never been to Brazil.

[B]

Well, then why would he.

[C]

He said Brazil.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

What about to like Patagonia.

[C]

Oh, in, in the, in the South. Yeah, yeah. I mean, Argentina's amazing. I love Argentina.

[B]

I heard they're racist.

[C]

Yeah, but that's cool.

[B]

They have a lot of Koreans there actually. Came from there. Yeah. And they're racist to all of them, but.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Are they really racist? Okay, well, I don't want to go there then.

[C]

Well, here's the thing. Here's a little fun loving racism.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

The. A lot of the world. And I, I think so. And I think the funny thing is in America you get this, you believe this notion that like the race, like we're bad because there's race. And they're like, like you have this illusion that like the rest of the world must not be like that. And then you travel and you're like, oh, it is. These people are super racist too.

[A]

That one zoom meeting that in Finland, that was like outed for everyone doing like the. Oh, the eyes, the Chinese eyes. Yeah.

[C]

I mean, I remember like when I studied abroad in college, I did Madrid. And so you have like a lot of immigration from Africa.

[B]

Right.

[C]

And you also have the Romani, like the gypsies, dude, all the Spaniards were super racist against all of them. And then in South America you have like the, the majority is the indigenous looking people. Right. Like darker brown skinned people.

[B]

Explain.

[C]

Well, I just did. And then the minority would be light skinned white, you know, white presenting people who do you think super racist there? It's the whites. Yeah, they're super.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And they're racist against basically anyone who doesn't look just like you see anywhere else.

[B]

Ye. Well, you're a light skinned Latino yourself, right? Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Does it feel cool like that?

[C]

Kind of feels like the best.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

But you, you do hear. I mean, I don't hear a lot of racism down there. When I go down there for Asians, it's. You usually hear it for more like for indigenous or just anybody that is darker than a certain shade.

[A]

Well, even in the Asian community there's a lot of colorism. Like even within the Filipino community, there's a lot of colorism. Like the darker you are, the more you know, there's like, a lot of whitening product. Yeah, Koreans.

[B]

India is like that, too. I heard.

[A]

Koreans.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I think in India, it's more like ingrained in. In the, you know, the caste system of, like, you were born this. Your. Your. Your dad was a rat catcher. That's what you are.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You stay that way.

[A]

You can't level up to a difference.

[B]

You can't level up in India.

[C]

I mean, traditionally. No.

[B]

What if you're, like, a. Have like, a certain talent? Like, I'm a good juggler or whatever.

[C]

Probably then. But, yeah, you know, I mean, like.

[B]

A prodigy or something. Like, you mean the Yo Yo? I mean, and they're like, oh, my God, this is the best to do it.

[C]

But they really do. You know, in Latin America, they really do call all Asians chinos in Latin America. They do. It's like, yeah, yeah. Like, so if you're. If you're Japanese, Korean, Filipino, they're just like, chino. And also, if you look tired, they're like, chino.

[B]

Or if they have curly hair. Chino.

[C]

Chino.

[B]

Okay, good, good note. Good, good add on. You know what I mean? But that's what.

[C]

You're welcome. Yeah.

[B]

That's why I prefer. What's that? In Finland, they did that. Yes.

[C]

It was like a representative of the party, but that. Yeah, I mean, that's not bad.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

He's doing the teeth, dude.

[B]

He's like, next level.

[A]

But they all did it, so.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I have to say, that's why I love America the best.

[C]

Because we're open with it or what?

[B]

No, it's not that. It's just that as a minority, I understand where to go. You know what I mean? And where. Let's. Like, if I'm in. Like, if I'm in Indiana, for instance, like, you're in Indianapolis. It's just so, like.

[C]

Like, it's so white here.

[B]

No, but it's like, you see gays, you see everyone's harmonious.

[C]

Oh, okay.

[B]

And then they'll go, hey, man, you know, you go two hours north. You know what I mean? Don't go to that. I don't go to that town.

[C]

Right.

[B]

When they say don't go, I don't go.

[C]

You. You listen.

[B]

Yeah, I listen to it.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

There's some YouTubers that go, I want to go, man. You know what I mean?

[C]

How do you feel about the Southeast in general? Is that a place you would avoid? I'm talking, like, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, the Carolina.

[B]

It's funny if you look at my road dates, that I rarely go to those places.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, for instance, Atlanta. I played one time in my life.

[C]

Atlanta, once.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Love you there.

[B]

I played maybe once. Really? In my life. Yeah. Yeah. I've never played anywhere in Kansas. When we did the Bad Friends tour, we did hit Memphis and. But they were the first times ever. Ever.

[C]

And how was your experience?

[B]

Memphis was a nightmare. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was an absent or. It was a real utter nightmare of epic proportions. I bombed so hard in the.

[C]

But you did the Bad Friends.

[B]

Yeah. We do stand up, though, so fucking hard, dude.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, my God. It was like, notably.

[C]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. Some places, dude, it's like harder to do stand up, I think, you know, by being. I mean, sound like I bomb, you know, I mean, I get laughs, but you know what certain jokes get.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

I mean.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

And I go, oh, this deserve this. And it. I don't get that. But it's like, I wouldn't say they were racist. I'm just saying that it was just a little harder. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I don't play like, I. New Orleans, I played one time maybe 20 years ago. You play New Orleans?

[C]

I do play New Orleans.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

All right. But now that you are having a special come out, it's going to come out later in the year and you're gonna have to do a new hour. You'll probably do a big tour on your next tour. Will probably be. You're just gonna, like, go everywhere. Don't you think?

[B]

You know, it's so funny. It's something I'd like to talk to you about, if I may.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, I know you're a stadium guy.

[C]

Oh, you're not a stadium guy. Come on.

[B]

Oh, you play the El Paso Comic Strip.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

No, I do Bart Reeves Comic strip. Okay.

[C]

All right.

[B]

You haven't doing six shows there. No, no, no, no, no, no. Let's get real. Let's get real for a second.

[C]

Go back.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no. I want to get real with you for a second. All right, all right. And I don't care.

[C]

Like, all right.

[B]

No, no. Is. Is that Yuck Yucks in vain? You think that's the Mall of America? Rick Bronson, hall of Fun. That's not hall of Fun.

[C]

I don't even. Here's the thing. I don't know where that is.

[B]

Yeah, okay. That or all right, so that's what you're doing.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Okay. And you know, I feel like. Yeah, okay. Yeah. That doesn't seem. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

Can I just say, yeah, point made, and just.

[B]

Move on? Right?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. So when you say, I'll go back on tour. Yeah, I'll play, you know, mean stand up live in Phoenix. Sure.

[C]

You don't know what, what, what this special is going to do for you. You have no idea.

[B]

I don't. I, I. This is how you can't see.

[C]

But this is, this is the. Here's the thing. You haven't had the experience of having a special come out and see what it does, because this is the first one you're putting out. You might put this out, announce your new dates, and have your agent be like, hey, guess what? This sold out in three seconds. So do you want to do, like, five of these, or do you want to actually book a bigger. Like you. That might happen to you. You don't know that.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, I've, you know, I've been in this business for a very long time, and I think, I think not.

[C]

Well, the thing. But the thing. But we know something. We know something from Data. We know something. I'm gonna tell you Data, however you want to say.

[B]

Okay, I know what Data.

[C]

I'm from United States.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

When people do movies and TV shows and their standups, it never really. People think it'll translate to ticket sales. The thing we've learned just from a thousand examples is that stand up is what changes people's draw, meaning putting out stand up, like specials, like you're doing. That's what changes the draw. But you're doing it for the first time. You don't know what it's going to happen to your draw because of it. You really don't. True.

[B]

I don't understand what you're saying, you know, I mean, based on your Data. Data, yeah. Data is. But my fans are my fans.

[C]

But your. Your fandom.

[B]

So my fans are going to come.

[C]

Out, but it can expand, is my point. It can expand.

[B]

I don't think fandom expands as much as you think it does, but how.

[C]

About the people that, that are doing those big rooms? What's the thing that's consistent about them? They're very talented and they put out specials. Yeah, that's my thing.

[B]

Okay. It would probably take me two or three maybe to do that. Yeah. So I'll do two or three, and then maybe it'll happen.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. But let's move on from it.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. I have, I don't have enough data.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

I don't. Yeah, yeah. It's. To me, it's like, you know, When I do. Because I've done big rooms with you.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, stadiums.

[C]

Yes. Yeah, yeah, I see an example of that.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why? Why are you embarrassed by it?

[C]

I wasn't.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's cares.

[C]

Who cares?

[B]

You're not the only one that does it. I didn't think we have 50 examples.

[C]

Of so many do.

[B]

Better than you.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Let's see. Better than you, dude. Yes.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yes.

[B]

Fenway park or whatever.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But anyway, Billy Burr.

[B]

Yeah. Billy Burke did that, right? How many was that? 80,000 seats.

[C]

I have no idea. Yeah, yeah, Fluffy.

[B]

Yeah, Fluffy.

[C]

He's done Dodger Stadium. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Matt Rife has done huge, huge venues.

[B]

Yes. A lot of people.

[C]

Barazi.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Sebastian.

[C]

Sebastian. Yeah.

[B]

But so don't be embarrassed by it.

[C]

I'm not embarrassed.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. You're killing it.

[C]

Thanks, bro.

[B]

And you know what's so amazing about you is there's a pathway from. Because I believe that, like, I tried the Hollywood thing and to see the pathway from what, how you and Bert have done it, you know, and is really inspiring.

[C]

That's really nice of you because it's.

[B]

Like, you know, you go, oh. You build an audience from ground up and then maybe, you know, I mean, Hollywood will open their doors eventually, which is what they did for you. Do you feel that?

[C]

No.

[B]

You don't feel that?

[C]

No.

[B]

What do you mean?

[C]

I feel like almost. I feel like everything that I've done in Hollywood is self generated. I don't think I've ever gotten like the. I think that's the fantasy you go, I'm gonna do.

[B]

You're in that horror movie countdown or whatever.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

That was a movie called.

[C]

I think that was called.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I saw you in that.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You were good in that scene.

[C]

Thanks, man. But don't you think that isn't the fantasy, though, when you. When you're like, you have a scene or a couple scenes in a movie, you're like, oh, this will. Maybe this will lead to like.

[B]

Right, right. That's never happened.

[C]

Never.

[B]

That's never happened for me either.

[C]

I did a movie this summer.

[B]

Yeah, right. That I produced. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

But I produced it.

[B]

I know.

[C]

And then the TV show that I have on Netflix, bad thoughts. We're doing season two now.

[B]

Yeah, but somebody.

[C]

I did the.

[B]

I know, but you did it. But someone said, let's do well.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, but my.

[B]

That's. That's the thing.

[C]

My point is that they don't go, you want a tv, like, you think that you're gonna be like, I want to do a TV show. And someone's like, yeah, yeah, no, yeah. You go, here's the an example of the TV show.

[B]

Oh, you have to, like, you have to generate. Yeah, yeah. It's just self generated. Yeah, yeah. Okay. All right.

[C]

Isn't that relevant, though?

[B]

No, I, I, I don't know. I don't know because I think that, I'm not complaining.

[C]

I'm just.

[B]

What I'm saying, though, is, you know, I mean, I don't know why we always fight. Okay. Because you draw something out of me.

[C]

Yeah, I do.

[B]

I was a little rude the last time you're on Bad Friends, by the way. I apologize for that. I was really mean.

[C]

It's okay.

[B]

Yeah. I attack you.

[C]

You did, yeah.

[B]

Yeah. But my argument would be that you wouldn't do, like, if they said, hey, you know what I mean? Let's just make up a guy. Frank. Frank. Congo is doing an action movie, right?

[C]

Yeah, right, yeah.

[B]

Called the Tibetan Knights.

[C]

Yeah, right.

[B]

Is that a movie already?

[C]

It's a team.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Tibetan Knights. And you know, you're gonna be eighth lead and you play the store clerk. You're not gonna do that.

[C]

I mean, it would depend who's directing whatever it is.

[B]

Tibetan Knights.

[C]

Tibetan Knights, yeah. Scorsese.

[B]

Scorsese, yeah.

[C]

Then you'd be like, yeah, of course.

[B]

Oh, you would, for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you get one line.

[C]

I mean, if Scorsese calls, I think you do it right.

[B]

Or let me play this game with you.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

All right. Wes Anderson. Yeah. You say yes.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

No matter what it is.

[C]

I mean. Yeah, I would do what? Yeah, okay.

[B]

Who's the dune guy? I love him. Oh, Villanue. Yeah, Villanue for sure.

[C]

Yeah, definitely.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Chris Nolan.

[B]

Oh, well, yeah. I would be a tree.

[C]

That's my point.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. We all want to be in Me and the Odyssey. You and I both. That. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

And I'm over here in the back.

[B]

In the back.

[C]

Imagine we all want to be in, like, great work. All of us do.

[B]

That's Tom Holland. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Yeah. But so, but then, you know, independent probably. No, first time director.

[C]

I mean that. Then it becomes. What's, what is it?

[B]

Oh, interesting.

[C]

Well, don't you think that's how you.

[B]

What do you mean?

[C]

You read the script and you go, this is a great script. It's the first time drug. You're like, this is awesome. Then you want to do it. If you're like, this is A pile.

[B]

Of your basketball arm. That's. I didn't realize it was that deep. Yeah.

[A]

Is it fully rehabilitated?

[C]

Yeah. And then I had a second surgery. You know that?

[B]

Oh, no. Why?

[C]

They took the nerve out of here.

[B]

Ouch.

[C]

See this scar?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And then they put it in here. I have a video of it. You want to see?

[B]

Yeah, I want to see it. Yeah.

[A]

Do you have just loss of sensation?

[C]

I did for a while. That nerve transfer really changed things. It was. It was a like a state of the art surgery.

[B]

That was bad, huh?

[C]

Yeah, it was not good.

[B]

Jesus Christ.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

When you see it up front, it's like really heavy, right? Yeah. What? What happened?

[C]

Oh, boy.

[B]

Yeah. He's gonna fill it in the morning. Nice.

[C]

You got it.

[B]

He got it. Say it again, dude. Yeah, with more of conviction.

[C]

Ouch.

[B]

He's gonna fill that in the morning. Yeah. God. Movie star. Yeah. One take wonder, dude. I can't imagine you in a movie like how many times you'd have to do a line over again. Just one time. Oh, you're one take wonder.

[C]

Give him a line.

[B]

Wow. You give him one.

[C]

Oh, my gosh. Is that really the philosopher after over there?

[B]

Give me something else. I can't say. Yeah, you're gonna have to say that.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Is that really philosopher guy? I knew he was. Okay.

[C]

So wait, can we say.

[B]

Wait, what is it? Get. Get Frank Congo on the line. Yeah.

[A]

I can't wait to see it. Oh, that looks cool.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

You never seen this hammer? Look at this. Look at this one.

[B]

So I don't want to see it. I don't want to see it.

[A]

I think I want to see it.

[C]

They make the hand move.

[A]

That's so cool.

[B]

Who's recording your wife? No.

[A]

You think she scrubbed in?

[B]

She's tick tocking.

[C]

You know Christine on her tik tok. Yeah, look at this one.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

Oh, my Jesus.

[B]

Look at that.

[C]

Look at the hand.

[A]

Wow, wow, wow, wow. So they don't make any mistakes. They know exactly what nerve.

[C]

It's a. It's a high risk operation. So basically you have two nerves here.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You can pronate with. So what they do is when this one was not firing, well, they took one out of here and they put it in here and then it's like. It's like a doll hair. So for like a few weeks they go, hey, you can't touch. Like you can't try to pick up a jug of milk. You can't pick up anything because if it snaps, that's it. You're toast.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

And I, at the time, I had a two year old and a four year old.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

I was just terrified of them. Like, they would walk.

[B]

I go, get the.

[C]

Away from, like, I'm just, you know. Yeah. I've traumatized them. Wow.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

But, yeah, the thing is, so what happened was because I had like radial nerve damage from the break.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

When you, when you have that and it's like healing, they go. These nerves. Nerves sometimes just start firing on their own. Right. You just wait. You wait. And so it starts getting better. But I was doing things like if you said, open your. Your hands, right. You can go, my healthy hand. Like this, this hand would go like that.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And then if I wanted to grab something, I would have to like, like flop my hand on it and grab it. And they're like, it might come back, but they're like, we're. We're adding up the months now, and if your nerve doesn't actually reconnect and start firing, your body consumes the nodules and then it's over. So what you have is what you have.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So he goes, he proposes this operation and I'm like. I go, all right. I go like, this sounds pretty well. He goes, yeah, it's pretty steady there. I go, how many have you done? He goes, one, One. I go, so I'm number two. He's like, yeah. But he goes, but it's. It works. It's incredible. And then.

[A]

Yeah, that's so cool because. Did you have involuntary movements?

[C]

No.

[A]

Before the surgery?

[C]

No, I didn't have involuntary movements. What I did have was like a lot of, you know, weird sensations, numbness, tingling, things like that, where you're like, oh. And then it would slowly, slowly, like a couple months later, you're like, oh, that's a little better. Then even, like, to this day, if you grab my forearm, I can feel the nerve sensations.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

Because what happened with my. When I got Bell's palsy is I had incomplete healing. And so the nerves have like crosswired. So I have. They don't communicate with each other correctly. They kind of regenerate.

[C]

I didn't know you had Bell's palsy.

[A]

I have, yeah, I had Bell's palsy about a year ago.

[C]

A year ago?

[A]

A year ago. And it's supposed to go away in like three to six. Six months, but it never fully did. So when my, when I purse my lips, say, for instance, it closes my eye.

[C]

Really?

[A]

So, yeah, they've just kind of miscommunicated.

[C]

And what do they do? They say that might just resolve itself?

[A]

No, I think synkinesis is more permanent. So, like, when I'm done in. In a little bit, there are surgeries. So maybe similar like that where they can, like, re. Innervate or come, like, force the nerves to come back alive. But I don't know what the. The success rate of that.

[C]

Yeah, I mean, it's obviously, it's like, it's worth, you know, doing all your research on. I remember that after I had this procedure done, the doctors would call me and go, will you talk to this other patient?

[A]

Oh, well.

[C]

Because this guy, like, one time, they're like, we have this, like, really wealthy guy who's like, yeah, yeah, just fix it. And they're like, yeah, it doesn't. It doesn't work.

[B]

Like, yeah, yeah.

[C]

So they're like, will you tell him? Because I had to, like, talk to this guy and be like. I go, you can wait. Because he was like, I don't know if I want this. I was like, you can wait it out, man. But, like, you realize that after a certain date, if it. If your body's, like, done trying to make it happen, it's over.

[B]

It's over.

[C]

Yeah. There is no.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

You don't have the option. Yeah, there's a window.

[B]

So if it didn't work, what would have happened?

[C]

I just would have had the hand where, like, I mean, would it shrink?

[B]

Those are my favorite. You've seen that on YouTube. You know what I mean? Maximum.

[A]

But I. How long after the surgery that you start to see, like, oh, things are moving a little differently, or I can feel this now, or it's not as floppy after the.

[C]

So, like, six weeks later was when I was allowed to start. Like, you could pick up, you know, five pounds. And then a few weeks after that, he's like 15 pounds, little by little. And then there's this thing, too. So I was like, started starting to, like, get month to month. It would be, like, little progress. If I picked up, like, two dumbbells, I would be like. I would curl them. And then sometimes on like, the sixth rep of a. Not a heavy dumbbell, my arm would just stop here. And I would be like, hey, it's not. And they're like, yeah, the nerve.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Just didn't fire again. And then I thought that was just going to be. That's just where it is, dude. Like, a year later, I was able to bump up that weight. It took like a full year.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

To go to a higher weight. And now Even now, my right arm is definitely stronger than my left arm, but it actually has continued to progress. But you have to, like, keep working.

[A]

It all, and you have to retrain your brain, too, right?

[B]

Bert tell you to do that basketball stunt?

[C]

No. You don't know how that actually. Like, what actually happened.

[B]

Bert had nothing to do with it.

[C]

No, dude, I listened to somebody. Like, I. I mean, it's all my fault. But, you know, we were. We were doing our stupid dunk contest.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So it was over.

[B]

It had been over.

[C]

No, it had just ended.

[B]

And was Bert there? Yeah. Okay.

[C]

So the. The goal was.

[B]

I think Bert has the way. Figure it out.

[C]

The way it worked was that we started with. We did one of those hoops that you can keep raising.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

So we started at seven and a half and then eight and then eight and a half, and nine and nine was like. Looked like that was, like, the highs. We were gonna go.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So he went to dunk it and couldn't. And then I did. So it was over, and I won. I was there like, you're the.

[B]

You win, and that's. End of day. Go home.

[C]

Well, we were gonna do something else, but dunking was done.

[B]

Yeah, Duncan. Done.

[C]

And then the guy that worked at this, like, basketball place, he goes, hey, man, I think you got a little more in you.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And I go. And I knew. I knew that I had just gotten over. I was £247, so I was much heavier.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

And I just got it in, and I knew that was my limit. And I was like, yeah.

[B]

Really? Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. And so they cranked it up. They cranked it up to nine, three. And I. I knew it was beyond what I could do. And he goes, dig deep, man. You got to dig deep right now. I was like. Like, yeah, yeah, I'm Dig deep. What?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And I went to. And I. As I pushed off, my patellar tendon snapped.

[B]

What is that? That's in your legs.

[C]

That's the tendon that your knee keeps. Your kneecap.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Oh, that's why I fall. That tears. I fall instinctively. Your arm goes behind you because you're falling.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Then it was just dead. £250 dead.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

The arm. It just snapped in half.

[B]

Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

That's me talking about it. Oh, oh.

[B]

Oh. I can't even watch it.

[C]

I see your.

[B]

Oh, I can't even.

[C]

You see what I mean? Yeah. People are always like, oh, you slipped. I didn't slip.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Gave out.

[B]

Oh, my God, the.

[C]

The leg just.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that camera guy just standing there. Outrageous.

[C]

Yeah. He's like.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

He's like, I got a good angle right here, bro.

[B]

Yeah. That's insane, dude. Wow.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you regret that or, you know, part of your story now?

[C]

It's a part of my story, so. It was. It was so horrible. It was so horrible. The recovery was horrible. The. The. I got so depressed in the hospital and in the recovery center. It was terrible. But it definitely set me off on another path. I don't mean just physically. I mean, like, mentally. Everything was different after that.

[B]

Oh, you wanted to lose the weight.

[C]

But not just, like, physical stuff. I just feel like I. It. It helped open me up. Like, I feel like your mind. Yeah. I feel like I was much more reserved. Like, just. I didn't ever get, like, too excited or too, like, about anything. And then after that, I think I. I changed in that regard for sure.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

Yeah. It was like a. Like, so when someone has like a, you know, a horrible car crash and they're like, what the am I doing? Like, I. I kind of.

[B]

Wow. It opened you.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. I think the last time I relapsed was that relapsing? Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Perhaps four years ago.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

I think it helped open.

[B]

I think it opened me up. Well. I just remember going, praying to God, going, I. I swear to God, this is it. Save me from this. I was in so much, like, spiritual pain, and it's been very good since then.

[C]

That's great. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, it's been very good. Although I am a little lazy. But, you know, is that. Is that the rumor about me, that I'm lazy?

[C]

What is the rumor, Tom?

[B]

Yeah, Tom, what is the rumor about me?

[C]

What do they say about him?

[B]

What do they say about me?

[C]

They're just like, this guy's kind of crazy, you know?

[B]

Do you think. Do you find me crazy?

[C]

Yeah, I find you crazy in, like, a fun comedian way.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

There's. There's different types of crazy, but I.

[B]

Show up on time.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I show up on time.

[C]

That was a hard laugh.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I show up on time. I know my lines.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

There. Yeah. I don't play on things.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, I mean, and I.

[C]

When you're a professional, when I say.

[B]

I'm going to do something, I do it. You know, it's. Here's the truth, Tom, if I may. I'm not that crazy.

[C]

You're not that crazy. No, you're. You're a little unpredictable.

[B]

I'm not that unpredictable. I'm not.

[C]

What scale are we using for unpredictability?

[B]

The standard American scale of being normal.

[C]

Pounds of being normal. Yeah.

[B]

Well known. I mean, ask me questions why I would be. And then maybe I can answer some questions here. I mean like everyone in the room see why I'm crazy because I want to know when people say that I'm crazy. I want to go, I don't think I am.

[C]

But.

[B]

But, yeah, but let's see if. If I am.

[C]

I think knowing you're very predictable, actually.

[B]

I think that's one of the most predictable.

[C]

Oh, I see what you mean.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

I think he's unpredictable to some.

[B]

Like, watch. Look at me. Like, look at me right now. You knew I was gonna do that.

[C]

I did not.

[B]

You know, you knew I was gonna do that.

[C]

He's unpredictable. Like he's. What he is is. He's. He's like jarring to like a first time person who's never been around this person.

[A]

I would say the predictability part is if you were to ask him the same question Tuesday and Friday, you would get two different responses. That's where the unpredictability. Because everything is like mood based.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So I shift.

[A]

You shift?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So I'm like a boat in a storm.

[A]

Yeah, that's where it's a little bit like. Huh? You said.

[C]

But that's getting into.

[B]

Into what?

[C]

Like crazy character, not predictable.

[B]

Yeah, that's right. That's right. I guess you're right.

[A]

But if you can predict that he's gonna change his mind.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

So it's basically like amongst friends. It's like Bobby said. Yes, but you already know by Friday he'll probably. Yeah. If you ask him again, he'll probably. Probably don't be surprised if he says no.

[C]

He is predictably unpredictable. Kind of.

[B]

Yeah. You know how many times I do a gig at a club that I play for the first time and during the week, like a sat, like I do Friday, Saturday, Saturday, the manager or whoever the booker is, whoever owns the club will come up to me. And this happens all the time, man. We've never had you at the club, but I heard you were crazy. But you're pretty normal.

[C]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. And I go, what do you mean? People think I'm crazy?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You mean I've never been crazy. I've seen this twice, by the way. You've seen it? I've seen it yourself. Two different managers say that. Where they go, we heard. But you're not. I go, yeah, because I'm not.

[C]

Yeah, but I think when people say crazy about you, they're. They're. That's the thing is there's kind of a scale for crazy. So, like, for. For Bobby crazy. It's like if you're just expecting someone to go, like, hello, nice to meet you, and just sit down and, like, he is this wild guy.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Because I think you're a part of the problem, you know? And that's why I'm so hostile towards you sometimes. Okay. I think. Don't see that face you're doing right now. It's fucking mean mugging.

[C]

I'm mean mugging?

[B]

Yeah. You're mean mugging me, dude. All right, so here's the thing, okay? You know what I mean? Like, you should lock eyes with somebody, shake their hand and go, oh, how are you?

[C]

I don't do that.

[B]

But I'm saying that I don't do that because that's ridiculous.

[C]

But that's my point.

[B]

Sometimes you go, boom, boom, boom. You know what I mean?

[C]

Right.

[B]

Sometimes you go, you can see me. You can't see me.

[C]

Right. Which means that you're not an actual crazy person, but you're kind of crazy to somebody who's used to, like, somebody.

[B]

Just being some Christian, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I went to church. Wow. This Asian guy's kind of crazy. Yeah, in that way.

[C]

That's exactly.

[B]

Exactly. Right? Yeah. Yeah, maybe in that way. Yes, maybe in that way. But, like.

[C]

Yeah, the Mormons. You're crazy.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Like, do I rip a fart at a sermon? Yeah, yeah. And I'll laugh because I'm uncomfortable.

[C]

And that's also funny.

[B]

It's also funny.

[C]

It is funny.

[A]

What I found really interesting about you is that not too long ago, you dated a. Oh, a praise leader. You know, the head of the church who does. Who sings on State of worship Leader. Yeah. Remember?

[B]

Yeah, I do remember. What's your point?

[A]

My point is, even the Christians think he's not that.

[B]

Yeah. Because I'm all about God. You know what I mean? I am God. We are all God. No, no, no, no, no. What I'm saying is. No, no. We are all God. God's within all of us.

[C]

He is.

[B]

Right. And I just exude that energy, you know what I mean? That purity.

[C]

Who do you.

[B]

The spirit? Excuse me.

[C]

Do you have a God?

[B]

Yeah. I believe in a higher power. I don't have a traditional Western religion. God. Okay, Jesus. I know. You do? Well, yeah.

[C]

What I mean, yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Okay.

[C]

J.C. right?

[B]

Yeah. Well, that's some to some. Yes to some. Yes. Me, no. You know, I mean. But listen, I was there when he died. I mean, not there when he was talking. He's gone. When my son died.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

No, but I was in, you know, I mean, Jerusalem, you know, and I saw the slab where he died.

[C]

How was it? He was with Steve.

[B]

Burn. Regular slab.

[C]

It's just a slab.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, a regular slab. If you see one slab, there's no difference between.

[C]

How was Jerusalem? What? How was Jerusalem?

[B]

Beautiful place.

[C]

Really?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. I got yelled at a couple times for. Well, I mean, one time, I guess maybe in this way I'm crazy, but it's like, okay, I jumped on the slab. I jumped on the slab. No, I didn't jump on the slab. I think in this way. I guess in this way, people would perceive to be like, you're crazy. But it's more out of ignorance, like, I don't know. I know what's going on.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So, you know, we had this private tour. I don't know what's going on. I don't even want to be there. You know what I mean? I was tired.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

It's one of those early morning outings of, like, you got to go to this, you know, I mean, not highlight. What do you call it? Historical site.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Right. And I smoke sometimes. I smoke and we're in this room, right? And I lit up a cigarette and. Smoking inside this room, right? And they go, can you not do that?

[C]

I go, why?

[B]

There's no windows. Right. And they go, this is where the twelfth. Twelfth supper was.

[C]

The twelfth. Separate. The last supper.

[B]

There's 12 of people, though.

[C]

Yeah. This is the apostle.

[B]

You were.

[C]

You smoked a cigarette where the last.

[B]

And then I even put it out.

[C]

Even the Muslims.

[B]

And I put it out in the room, and then I got yelled at.

[C]

You did one of these.

[B]

Like, I didn't even know about it. They had the Last Supper here. Yeah, that was me there. You know what I mean? It's a Chinaman hat.

[C]

It's not.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

You're wearing a little. You're wearing yarmulke.

[B]

Yeah. I hope my note is still in that wall. I wrote a note in that wall. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Another thing that maybe I find a little crazy is would you pee on your own plants in your property? Like, you have bathrooms in your home, right?

[C]

I have a bathroom.

[B]

Okay, well, who said that?

[C]

Who does that every day?

[B]

Who said. Who does that?

[A]

Pee on your driveway? And you just let the pee roll Down. And I don't understand, like, why do.

[C]

You pee on the driveway?

[B]

Why not?

[C]

It's predictable. It's your house.

[B]

It's my house. I bought property.

[A]

Killing your own plan.

[B]

The forward plants. Which is what I call them, Ford. The forward. The ones in front of the house.

[C]

Forward.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh. Who the fuck says forward plants?

[B]

I do. That's crazy. I do.

[C]

And those are backward ones. Yeah.

[B]

There's backward plants, too? Yeah, Those. I don't pee as much.

[C]

This is why some people say he's crazy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What? Cause I pee on a plant? How is that crazy?

[C]

He said forward plant. Yeah. No, no. Not a human being alive.

[B]

I know, but I'm searching for the word but. I commit.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

That's another thing I want to say to you, Sagura. Okay. Is that sometimes I don't know what the word is, but I commit to whatever's coming out of my mouth.

[C]

I know. It's why you're hilarious.

[B]

Yeah. So that's the thing. But that doesn't necessarily mean that I'm crazy.

[C]

I don't think you're actually crazy. I think you have, like, there's, you know, everyone's talking about the things that are kind of crazy about you, and that's why people go, he's kind of crazy.

[B]

Yeah. But I don't view the. And then people. I'm eccentric.

[C]

Yeah. You're. You are an eccentric person.

[B]

I think that I'm a little eccentric.

[A]

I just read or heard about a story that could have happened to you. Distance. You had a booger wall when you grew up. Where. When you were growing up. Right.

[B]

Who didn't have a booger wall?

[A]

I know. I actually want to ask you guys if everyone had a booger wall. Is that. Was that the norm?

[C]

I had a booger couch.

[A]

I had to be, like, a booger square, maybe.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But not a whole wall. I know yours.

[B]

Some does have walls. Some have couches, and some have squares.

[A]

So the kid. So this kid had an entire booger wall for years and years and years. So much so that it had valleys and peaks. Cheeks, and they were, like, calcified and hard. And one one day, apparently, he scratched his back up against the booger wall. It caused the scratch, and then stat. It caused a staph infection that almost killed him and turned into, like. He turns fully septic from his booger wall. And I thought about you.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

That's cool that. That made her think about it.

[B]

That sounds about right. Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But I wouldn't scratch my back because I have a scratcher, so that's there.

[A]

No, he didn't intentionally scrap.

[B]

Right.

[A]

He scraped. He scraped against it by accident.

[B]

Oh, by accident.

[A]

By accident.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It wasn't like that. My booger wall.

[A]

I was there for the booger wall. It was like that.

[B]

Wait, where. Where was the booger wall, lady?

[A]

In the Beechwood apartment. You had a designated booger wall.

[B]

Yeah, but how much booger was on there?

[A]

Lots.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It was like stalactite.

[B]

And that's my bad.

[C]

What did you think of the booger wall when you saw it?

[A]

I don't know. I was just like, okay, this is him. He's not hiding it.

[B]

Yeah. I have other elements on those walls, too.

[A]

I know.

[B]

I have an earwax wall. Oh, no. That's worse than bugger. Yeah.

[C]

The earwax wall.

[B]

Yeah. Here's one thing that I did have that I've never shared with you, because I was thinking about it the other day, and I'm kind of mad at your mom about it. It's fine.

[A]

So she's cleaning your. Your flashlights.

[B]

No, no, no. It was not. It's not a flashlight.

[C]

Your mom, she didn't know that.

[A]

What they were.

[B]

Yeah. Didn't know what it was, But. So you know mungi. You know what mungee is?

[A]

Yeah, the dirt. When you.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. You're mungi.

[A]

I mean, when you scrub your arm in the shower like this.

[C]

What do you mean?

[A]

It's the rolled dirt that comes out.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah, the dead skin.

[B]

Yeah, the dead skin. I had a mungi ball.

[C]

Holy.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. So what I would do is I would take a shower, right? Then I let the skin dry a little bit so you can get more friction in the mungee. And all these black. You know what I mean? Yeah. Right. And I thought to myself, every time I bath, I'm gonna do this my whole body and see how big the ball can get. Right? The ball became this big, solid mungee ball. Right. And it just put it in the corner of the ledge of the window.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then your mom threw it away, and you're like.

[C]

I don't know what people call me crazy.

[B]

What's up? No, but that's boredom. I get bored.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. Eccentric. It's an eccentric.

[B]

It's an eccentric little weird thing.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't eat it. You know, I mean, I think that would be.

[C]

It Was he like, your mom threw away my money?

[A]

Yeah. My bungee ball. I'm sorry. She probably didn't realize what she had done.

[B]

Yeah. Anyway, so. So you have your show?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You're shooting it next week?

[C]

Yeah, we start next week.

[B]

Exciting.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And then you have your special specials out. Did you have fun here or no? You always have fun here.

[C]

I always have a good time. It was great.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, it was great.

[C]

Teachers out on Netflix, please watch it.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Bad Thoughts, season two, we started filming.

[B]

Filming? He has a movie coming out. Frankie Kunotis is in it. Kirk Fox is gonna be great and what a great guy. And I'm glad you're in. You're gonna do spots when you're in town or.

[C]

No, I think busy during the production. Be hard, man. Yeah, but I would maybe at the end when I have a couple free days.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, give Tommy a round of applause.

[C]

Thanks for.

[A]

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