Becoming The Woman God's Called You to Be When You Want to Give Up...

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Becoming The Woman God's Called You to Be When You Want to Give Up..."

Episode Release Date: September 22, 2024

Hosts: Courtney Daniella Boateng, Renée Kapuku, and Emanuela Faith Zoe
Podcast: To My Sisters
Description: To My Sisters is a sanctuary for women navigating the complexities of adulthood, sisterhood, and personal growth. Hosted by Courtney Daniella Boateng and Renée Kapuku, the podcast fosters a global community of sisters committed to holistic wellness and continuous development.

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1. Embracing the Healing Journey

The episode delves deep into the multifaceted nature of the healing journey, emphasizing that it is an ongoing process rather than a finite path. The hosts discuss the stages of healing—beginning, middle, and the perpetual nature of personal growth.

Key Insights:

• Beginning the Journey: Courtney highlights the importance of hope and faith as foundational elements. She states, “If you can put the framework in place, if you can be vulnerable with your friends... the rest of it will work itself out” ([01:48]).

• Middle of the Journey: Renée underscores the significance of surrender. “You need to be surrendered at every single point of this journey,” she explains ([05:24]). This surrender involves acknowledging weaknesses and serving others, reinforcing humility and continuous self-improvement.

• Ongoing Nature: Emanuela points out that healing never truly ends. “It never really ends," she affirms, reminding listeners that healing is a dynamic and evolving process ([01:48]).

2. The Power of Self-Awareness and Vulnerability

Self-awareness is portrayed as a critical component of healing. The hosts discuss how recognizing one’s weaknesses leads to humility and growth.

Notable Quote:

"When we say self-awareness, at every point and at every stage, you need to be aware of your weaknesses. Your weaknesses humble you.” — Courtney ([00:51])

Discussion Points:

• Vulnerability with Community: Emanuela emphasizes the importance of being open about one’s struggles with trusted friends or within the community. This vulnerability builds intimate relationships that support the healing process ([04:00]).

• Journaling as a Tool: Courtney shares her personal experience with journaling, describing it as a pivotal moment of self-recognition and the realization of the work needed for healing ([03:41]).

3. Surrender and Servant Leadership

Courtney introduces the concept of surrendering in the healing journey, linking it to servant leadership. She argues that true healing involves serving not just others but also one’s purpose and self.

Notable Quote:

“Your healing is not just about you and your selfish ambition. Your healing is also about how you can serve and how you can serve better.” — Courtney ([05:44])

Key Points:

• Humility Over Pride: Courtney warns against allowing pride to disrupt the healing process, suggesting that surrendering aligns one with a higher purpose and fosters continuous growth ([05:24], [05:44]).

• Servant Identity: By defining oneself as a servant, women can maintain focus on their healing without becoming self-absorbed, ensuring their growth benefits both themselves and their communities ([05:47]).

4. Managing Flare-Ups and Maintaining Progress

The discussion transitions to handling setbacks or flare-ups in the healing journey, likening healing to managing a chronic condition.

Notable Quote:

“We need to be thinking about how do we remain in that healed state so that we don't have to deal with another episode, because there will be episodes.” — Courtney ([08:24])

Strategies Discussed:

• Preparedness: Having a framework and tools in place allows individuals to address flare-ups swiftly, preventing prolonged setbacks ([03:31], [08:32]).

• Resilience Building: Continuous application of coping strategies strengthens one's ability to navigate challenges more effectively over time ([08:58]).

5. Self-Compassion and Overcoming Fear

Emanuela and Courtney emphasize the necessity of self-compassion, especially when confronting deep-seated fears and vulnerabilities.

Notable Quote:

“It's okay to take a pause if something feels like it's too much for me. Like continually going through this recounting of my pains and confronting the places where I am not good enough.” — Emanuela ([13:36])

Discussion Highlights:

• Taking Pauses: Recognizing when to step back and seek support is crucial. Emanuela advises devising action plans when feeling overwhelmed, such as seeking counseling or confiding in a trusted friend ([13:57], [10:37]).

• Compassion Over Perfection: The hosts advocate for embracing imperfections, asserting that striving for perfection can hinder genuine healing and self-acceptance ([24:18], [25:23]).

6. Embracing Imperfections and Cultivating Strength

A significant portion of the conversation centers on the liberation found in accepting one’s imperfections and recognizing the inherent strength within vulnerabilities.

Notable Quotes:

“If you put the framework in place... It will get easier as long as you lay a solid foundation.” — Courtney ([04:43])

“Our lives are not our own. And there's grace in the right spaces to be who you were created to be.” — Zoe ([23:38])

Key Themes:

• Strength in Vulnerability: Courtney uses the analogy of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde to illustrate the coexistence of strength and dysfunction within individuals, advocating for self-awareness as a means to manage inner turmoil ([17:05], [18:45]).

• Rejecting the Superwoman Complex: Emanuela critiques the societal pressure on women to achieve perfection, highlighting that true resilience is born from embracing and working through imperfections ([24:18], [25:13]).

7. Authority and Empowerment Through Self-Awareness

The hosts discuss how self-awareness can empower women to take control of their healing journey, viewing personal dysfunction not as a defining flaw but as an area for growth.

Notable Quote:

“Self-awareness gives you the authority and the capacity to act on it.” — Courtney ([18:45])

Insights:

• Managing Inner Demons: Using self-awareness to keep negative impulses in check empowers women to lead their healing processes effectively, instead of being overwhelmed by their struggles ([17:54], [19:01]).

• Transforming Dysfunction into Miracles: Courtney encourages viewing personal dysfunction as potential catalysts for transformation and divine strength, akin to biblical miracles where weaknesses are showcased to highlight greater power ([19:08], [20:25]).

8. Community Support and Mentorship

The episode highlights the importance of community and mentorship in sustaining the healing journey, stressing that support systems are vital for enduring and overcoming challenges.

Notable Quote:

“Trust and believe that from unearthing your dysfunction, that can be transformed into a miracle.” — Courtney ([20:25])

Discussion Points:

• Mentoring with Compassion: Courtney and Zoe discuss how compassionate mentorship fosters growth without imposing personal agendas, ensuring that the mentee's progress remains authentic and self-directed ([22:12]).

• Global Sisterhood: The hosts encourage listeners to engage with the broader sisterhood community, attend live shows, and participate in collective healing efforts, reinforcing the message that no one is alone in their journey ([30:24], [31:16]).

9. Final Encouragement and Takeaways

Wrapping up the episode, Courtney and Emanuela offer heartfelt encouragement to listeners, reinforcing the episode’s central themes of resilience, self-acceptance, and continuous growth.

Notable Quotes:

“You are still a valuable person. You are still a valuable vessel.” — Courtney ([21:52])

“You are perfectly imperfect, and that’s where your true strength lies.” — Emanuela ([25:18])

Final Messages:

• Embrace Your Journey: Listeners are urged to honor their healing processes, acknowledging both their strengths and areas for growth without judgment ([26:07], [27:12]).

• Celebrate Progress: The hosts encourage women to celebrate their perseverance and the progress they’ve made, no matter how small, fostering a sense of pride and accomplishment ([26:48], [27:43]).

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Conclusion:

In this empowering episode of To My Sisters, Courtney, Renée, and Emanuela provide a compassionate and insightful exploration of the healing journey. They blend personal anecdotes with profound wisdom, offering practical strategies and heartfelt encouragement. The discussion reinforces the importance of self-awareness, vulnerability, surrender, and community support in becoming the woman God calls each listener to be. By embracing imperfections and nurturing continuous growth, the hosts inspire a resilient and empowered sisterhood committed to holistic wellness and mutual support.

Transcript

[Ryan Reynolds]

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[Courtney]

Payment equivalent to $15 per month. New customers on first three month plan only. Taxes and fees, extra speeds slower above.

[Emanuela]

40 gigabyte C. Details have to start new year.

[Zoe]

New me. The years have been going.

[Emanuela]

Yeah.

[Zoe]

The journey is not finished.

[Emanuela]

Yeah. Yeah. Because when you remember.

[Zoe]

Hi.

[Emanuela]

When you remember, that's when you're like God. That's when you really give God the glory. Because the glory is in comparison to who you used to be.

[Courtney]

When we say self awareness, at every point and at every stage, you need to be aware of your weaknesses. Your weaknesses humble you.

[Zoe]

Hello, sisters. Welcome to the To My Sisters podcast. My name is Emanuela Faith Zoe. And today the sisters are in the hot seat. Say, hey, ladies.

[Emanuela]

Party.

[Zoe]

We're gonna be diving deeper into more questions. So, yeah, sisters, we have inclined our.

[Emanuela]

Ear what you want to say. Yeah.

[Zoe]

A lot of the sisters are drawn to you because of your courage, the courage that you guys have displayed by joining on your own journeys and also helping us with our journeys. So I would want, I want to ask you guys, what would you say to somebody at the beginning of their healing journey? In the middle of their healing journey? It never ends. So just the beginning at the middle on the journey.

[Courtney]

Ooh.

[Emanuela]

I would say somebody who's at the beginning of their healing journey. I want you to understand that it will be hard, but you can actually do it. And I think it goes to what you were saying in the last conversation about having faith and how faith is so integral to the healing journey. And for us, it's faith in God and putting our faith in the fact that I can actually see a whole version of myself. I can actually experience a healed version of myself. I think if you're going to embark on a healing journey, you have to actually have hope that the healed version of you can be actualized. And whilst healing is an ever, ever going journey and it actually never really ends, really and truly, you will come to a place when you overcome those initial hurdles of the challenges that come with healing, from confronting your past trauma or having to cultivate a huge amount of self awareness or having to now walk with people in community who maybe, maybe you're not used to. You're used to being a lone ranger. You're not used to walking with people, and that's challenging. Once you get over those initial hurdles, what you're doing is building a framework which you need to continue this journey. So then in three years time, five years time, 10 years time, where you now have a new catalyst that reveals to you that actually there's a new dimension of healing you may need to attain. You already have the framework.

[Zoe]

Come on.

[Emanuela]

You already have the community. You know what it looks like to walk with people. You know what accountability looks like. Right. You've been able to cultivate a huge amount of self awareness. And so whilst there is this new challenge, you're actually not starting from ground zero.

[Zoe]

Come on.

[Emanuela]

And so although it takes an immense amount of energy and work to lay a solid foundation, once you lay a good foundation, you never have to lay another one again.

[Zoe]

Come on.

[Emanuela]

You can actually just keep building new floors and new floors. So as much as this is hard, like, groundwork is groundwork. I remember the first time I came across this race, self awareness, and I went and sat in my room and I did this journaling thing and I poured out my whole life on the paper and I thought, damn, yeah, is this me?

[Zoe]

Yeah.

[Emanuela]

All these dimensions of, yeah, everything. Like, I saw myself the first time and it felt like I have so much work to do. And it's like, don't. Don't focus on the work. Focus on the framework. That's it. If you put the framework in place, if you can be vulnerable with your friends, like, hey, I've been abused, or, hey, I'm being neglected, or, hey, you know, I. I feel extremely broken or I'm disconnected from my emotions. If you can just be vulnerable, you'll build the intimate relationships needed to be a tool on this journey. The rest of it will work itself out. So I'll say, as much as it seems really tight, tiring and draining now, it's actually a worthwhile journey and it will get easier as long as you lay a solid foundation.

[Zoe]

That's really good.

[Courtney]

Good, man, good. I felt encouraged, encouraged, y'all, if you don't know. Anyways, here Courtney is the head honcho of be encouraged. And me, I'm. I'm encouraged. I'm encouraged. But I guess to the sisters in the middle of their journey, as you were speaking, I was really thinking about the importance of being surrendered, because I think sometimes we get to a Place in our, like, journeys or like whatever journey it is. But in this context, the healing journey, you don't need to be the expert, but you do need to be surrendered. At every single point of this journey, you do need to be surrendered. And I think it's when we allow pride to enter into our hearts when it comes to our journey that we are knocked off, kilted.

[Zoe]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

You know, like when we say self awareness at every point and at every stage, you need to be aware of your weaknesses. Your weaknesses humble you. And you were speaking to the fact that we as women, where, you know, leaders and all these, like, great words that we often use. Change makers, Change makers, all these great words and all that kind of stuff. But truly we are servants.

[Zoe]

Come on.

[Courtney]

Truly. And identifying yourself as a servant.

[Zoe]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

So your healing is not just about you and your selfish ambition. Your healing is also about how you can serve and how you can serve better. Not just serving people, but also, you know, serving yourself, but also serving your plan, your purpose. You need to be surrendered. You don't need to be an expert, but you need to be surrendered. So making sure that in this healing journey, you are surrendering all elements of your healing journey to the one that made you surrender everything.

[Zoe]

Come on.

[Courtney]

And it's a progressive journey of understanding that there are parts of yourself that you come up against that you haven't surrendered. And not to be discouraged by that too, because you can get to the middle of your journey or you. I've made progress.

[Zoe]

I'm doing so well. I can see clearly now.

[Courtney]

All it takes. All it takes is one interaction with one guy. Hey, one guy. Taking you out on a nice day. Date. Mercy take you on a nice date. He's made it sick.

[Zoe]

You know, he's speaking to the Riz is rising.

[Courtney]

This is hottest R. This guy is whistling in your ear. He looks good on paper.

[Zoe]

Come on.

[Courtney]

You know what I'm saying? And you're interacting with. He's saying all the right things. He is love bombing you.

[Zoe]

Jesus.

[Courtney]

Right? And you're like, I'm healed as well. And he's literally ticking all of your boxes. But that one box, you're like, you know what? I've healed from this. So I can. I can fight this. Right. I'm the expert on this. But unfortunately, you're giving yourself an opportunity to fall again.

[Zoe]

Wow.

[Courtney]

Because you're seeing yourself as the expert and not the servant. If you are really serving in this healing journey, it really is about service. If you really were surrendered, you'd be able to Identify I still have a weakness here or I still have areas that I'm working on. Or it just takes one interaction with somebody that's irritated you. All of a sudden, your anger, it's a flare up. You know what I'm saying? It's like those, it's like folks that have chronic conditions. Right. It's realizing that the healing journey, we're all dealing with chronic issues whilst we're in the flesh. The flesh is chronic. It's not just something that we're dealing with for a season. It's a chronic condition that we're dealing with. Which means that when it says like in the word, that we need to renew our minds daily, it's dealing with the chronic issue of the flesh. That means we have to on a daily basis be applying our ointments. We have to be thinking about what could cause flare ups. We need to be thinking about how do we remain in that healed state so that we don't have to deal with another episode, because there will be episodes. But also making sure that we are not discouraged when an episode flares up. You know why? Because as you mentioned, we have the framework, we have the tools. We've seen this before.

[Zoe]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

So we can deal with this more quickly. And I think it's for. For women that are in the middle of the journey, know that you have the tools to deal with your flare ups quickly.

[Zoe]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Nip it in the bud. Even if you went left, you know, quick, you now know how to do that three point turn. Go back to where you're coming from. You have the authority where if something could have knocked you off kilter a little bit more easily and for a longer time back in the day, know that being in the middle gives you the authority to quickly go back to where you need to be on. Yes, this may have diverted you. Yes, you may be on a different course, but you can quickly correct course because you've been taught.

[Zoe]

Come on.

[Courtney]

So having faith in the fact that yes, you have been taught, but the teaching is not just for the good times. And, you know, we've been able to maintain where we're at right now, but understanding that I actually have the tools to deal with a flare up when it happens because this is a chronic condition and not underestimate, maintain the fact that this is a chronic condition. And I think the last thing that I will say is don't be afraid to reach out for lifelines.

[Zoe]

Come on.

[Courtney]

I think sometimes we can get so set in our ways and mechanisms and means and tools for healing I got this. But there is something about being able to reach out to people, pick up some resources, take up some new tools. Even on the journey, even if the journey is old and familiar, sometimes what you need is an innovative tool to help you reinvigorate or recharge that journey. Right. Or some kind of new nutrition. So it may look like, oh, maybe I do need to ask for counseling at this particular time. Maybe it does look like I need to speak to my friend about this thing that has been bothering me for a while. Maybe it does look like I need to take a break for a while to really take stock. So not being afraid to reach out and pick up a lifeline, especially when you're in the middle. Like, I think of when you're in the middle of the ocean, like, or you're on your journey, right, and you break down, it's actually okay to call AA and say, please come and pick up my car. I don't have fuel. Maybe I don't have petrol. Or like, you're in the middle of stranded, you know, sos. Yeah.

[Emanuela]

Not describe it in the sand.

[Courtney]

Sos. It's actually okay. Yeah.

[Zoe]

You're in the middle, you've lost.

[Courtney]

There's no petrol in your car. You know what I'm saying? It's okay to pull on E. Yeah. Tank is on E. And sometimes you don't even need to wait to get in an SOS before you reach out to help.

[Zoe]

Come on.

[Courtney]

You can be in the car and you're seeing the petrol is starting to empty. That's the time you need to call somebody, call a friend. That's the time you need to pull up to that petrol station and say, you know what, I'm going to take a pause here.

[Zoe]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

I'm going to refill, I'm going to refuel. And once I feel full enough to continue this journey, that's when I'm going to hit the engine and get going. Yeah, that's what I would say.

[Emanuela]

That's brilliant.

[Zoe]

I love that so much, Renee, because it just speaks to self awareness. And you guys have spoken about it, you know, here and there. I want to actually target it. What would you say to somebody who's began that self awareness journey, but they've got to the journaling, they're five pages in and they're scared. Who is this?

[Emanuela]

Yeah.

[Zoe]

Is this me?

[Emanuela]

Yeah.

[Zoe]

Am I capable, you know, of being this dysfunctional? Yeah. And how would you. How would you encourage them to be compassionate towards themselves? That's a really good question. As they embark on that self love journey or what would you say to that? Or on that healing journey, on that self love journey. And what would you say to them to actually finish what they've started? Because I think a lot of us, the girls, we love to start new year, new me, the years have been going, yeah, the journey is not finished.

[Emanuela]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Zoe]

You know, that's good. So what would you say to the galleys that are starting strong? Like they're so encouraged by the movements of self love. They're waking up at 5am, they're doing the 10ks, they're doing the surface level things. But when it comes to the actual fundamentals, they're afraid they're not touching those things. They'll take all the supplements in the world. But when it comes to like the fundamental change that actually invokes the new version that they desire. Yeah, I'm not going there. Red zone.

[Emanuela]

Good.

[Zoe]

Barred. That's a very hazard lines.

[Emanuela]

You know what, that is an excellent question. And I think what sits at the root of it sometimes is not wanting to go deep.

[Zoe]

Come on.

[Emanuela]

I think a lot of us can be self aware but as soon as it looks like we have to venture a little bit deeper.

[Zoe]

Come on.

[Emanuela]

We're like, you know, okay. And that's why the healing journey becomes extended. It can become to somewhat stagnated as well. I wouldn't even say delayed as if there's an ascribed time.

[Zoe]

Yeah.

[Emanuela]

But like it can just become stagnated because you're refusing to go deeper.

[Zoe]

Yeah.

[Emanuela]

And I do understand because like I even described from my story. Right, right. You're doing all of these things now. You're confronted with like you were saying things are quite scary and you're like, how about we don't go further? And I have a couple of clients who I coach who say this very same thing where it's like as soon as I hit a place where I know I'm going to have to be extremely vulnerable and it's going to evoke the emotions, the raw emotions that I felt when I first experienced it. I'm not venturing any further whether it's holding my breakthrough breath back. I don't, I don't want to experience that pain again. And I think what's interesting there is it's okay to take a pause.

[Zoe]

Come on.

[Emanuela]

It is actually okay to take a pause if something feels like I just. It's too much for me. Like continually going through this recounting of my pains and confronting the places where I am not good enough.

[Zoe]

Yeah.

[Emanuela]

I'M it's okay. Like it's draining on me. And healing can be very draining. So it's actually okay to take a pause.

[Zoe]

Yeah. Good.

[Emanuela]

I also think once you've taken that pause, you need to kind of devise this action plan which is, this thing is draining me. Is it just too much for me to handle by myself? Because the healing journey can be purported as one which is solo. It's a solo endeavor. You just heal yourself when actually there are therapists, there are friends, there are counselors, there are, you know, trusted counsel around you who you may be like, this is too much for me. This is above me. So let me give it to someone else. Let me actually give it to someone else. Because this whole self discovery is hard, but if somebody is helping me navigate through this space, I won't feel so alone and I won't feel so exhausted. So it's okay to take a pause and devise a new strategy towards your healing as well. And the journey of self awareness is a journey. It's okay. As you were saying about the middle section of your healing journey, it's okay for it to take time. It's okay for it to be one of compartmentalization to some degree. Because whilst our wounds do affect every aspect of our lives, when we get to the bottom of it, it's just a wound in one place. If you get slashed in your leg, it's your leg that's the issue. I mean, so let's deal with the scar on your leg. The issue is if you want to ignore that that's there, it's going to affect, it's going to go from your thigh to now your whole leg and then your abdomen is going to grow. Right. But it's okay if we've cleaned up a little bit and we're like, oh, I put the alcohol on today, it's hurting me. Yeah, I'm just going to put the plaster and then I'll deal with it again tomorrow because I know it won't grow past a certain amount. So I think you also have to discern what is, is the depth of this wound. Is, does it have, is it life threatening right now? Yeah, if it's life threatening, you can't afford to take a break. Come on, let's deal with it right here and bring in all the forces. Right. Call the ambulance. But if it's not life, alert the authorities. Yeah, alert the authorities. But if it's not life threatening, let's put a band aid on it and we'll look at it again. Tomorrow or in a week, you know, so. And that's okay because that's. That's the journey. How about you?

[Zoe]

I love that.

[Renee]

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[Emanuela]

How about you?

[Courtney]

That was so beautiful. Genuinely so beautiful. And you really read my mind there. I was just like, whoa, giving synergy. But as you were speaking, I was really drawn to the story of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

[Zoe]

Right.

[Courtney]

That story is so powerful because it points to the fact that we as human beings can be duplicated complicitous in nature. Right. There is Dr. Jekyll, who we want to be.

[Zoe]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

The guy that is respected in society, the person that is good. And then there's Mr. Hyde that exists on the inside of us. And the fact that his name is even like Mr. Hyde. Right. Hiding. It's the fear of uncovering something that has been hiding on the inside of you and confronting that this exists, this level of evil or this level of dysfunction exists on the inside of me. It's scary. It's really, really scary. But I think, think when you are doing the work of uncovering, you should actually see it as a strength.

[Zoe]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Because it means that you can now check it. There are so many of us, and the thing is, Dr. Jackal and Mr. Hyde exist in everybody. The power is not necessarily in completely removing Mr. Hyde, is putting him in line and checking. Right. So Dr. Jekyll had all of these medications and things to be able to put Mr. Hyde in check. There are too many of us that are walking around as Mr. Hyder not knowing it or not knowing when he's manifesting or knowing when the evil is manifesting. And the power comes in being able to subject that Mr. Hyde to Dr. Jekyll. It's not that he doesn't exist, it's the subjection and who is in authority here. So to encourage the women that are currently on this journey and they're uncovering evil things about themselves or bad things. It's understanding that there's power in self awareness because self awareness gives you the authority and the capacity to act on it. Now it means that you can deal with it.

[Zoe]

Come on.

[Courtney]

And that is one of the biggest strengths as. And biggest powers of self awareness that we really need to encourage in ourselves. Right. That we really need to take with full authority. And I think, secondly, understanding that just because Mr. Hyde exists, Dr. Dr. Jekyll does not.

[Emanuela]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

We can sometimes over index. And I think that's just our nature as human beings. Right. Like we over index on the fact that there's dysfunction.

[Emanuela]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

So, you know, we do have the wound or we do have the broken limb, but we do have the withered hand. Like the man in scriptures with the withered hand.

[Zoe]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Now that's his whole identity.

[Emanuela]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

But the rest of his body is also functioning. Do I mean, like. Or wait, listen, when I get a pimple or I get a spot, I look at my face, I say this pimple to the point where I'm like, what can I do to hide this pimple? People are going to look at me. They're just going to look at this pimple, and my whole life is going to be defined by the fact that there is a pimple on my face. You're even doing all that you can to pop it, and you're making it work.

[Zoe]

You are making it work, Spreading bacteria.

[Courtney]

Spreading bacteria. In fact, more pimples will come. But if you think of the mass that a pimple takes up versus the whole part of your body, your face, everywhere else, why is it that we allow ourselves to be defined by one dysfunction or one element of evil, or one element of. Not to underplay it, but we allow our whole identity to be governed by the fact that we have done wrong or we have been bad people or there is dysfunction in us. Just because there may be dysfunction in you doesn't devalue you.

[Zoe]

Come on.

[Courtney]

So I think as women, Wait.

[Zoe]

We have to pause to reflect. Say that again. Yeah, let him marry those points.

[Courtney]

In podcasts they do. It's like, yeah, say it again. Quick, quick.

[Emanuela]

Good.

[Courtney]

But just because dysfunction exists in you doesn't mean that you are devalued. You are still a valuable person. You are still a valuable vessel. And just because, you know, you've gone through something. And yeah, something triggers you. Yes, there is a weakness on the inside of you. But oftentimes it's the vessels that have the weaknesses that God fortifies to be able to do great things. So I think making sure that we don't disqualify ourselves, that we don't devalue ourselves because of the presence of dysfunction, making sure that in fact, it's oftentimes that the dysfunction is used for the miracle. It's the dysfunction that is used to turn that story around. When I think of the man with the withered hand, like, yes, his hand was withered, but it was that. That Jesus actually used to do a miracle. So the last thing that I will say is trusting and believing that from unearthing your dysfunction that can be transformed into a miracle, that there is still faith. And that in that weakness that you have, have God can actually use it to demonstrate that he can be made, that you can be made strong, but that he can be glorified. So, yes, unearth the dysfunction. Yes, unearth all of the dirty things that we have in our closet and also be encouraged by the fact that other people have dirt.

[Emanuela]

Listen, absolutely.

[Courtney]

Scandal exists for everybody. Everybody's got something in their closet.

[Emanuela]

Something.

[Courtney]

Okay? Even the people that we think of as the most like, holy. The best. You're so inspiring. Scandal. Not to say that there's any scandalous things in this closet.

[Emanuela]

It's not even just scandal, right? Humanity.

[Courtney]

Humanity.

[Emanuela]

Everyone's human.

[Courtney]

The reality that everybody is carrying their own something. Something in the. In the background. Right? But the authority and power comes in the subjection. Understanding that these things can be used for good and not evil and that you don't have to be identified by whatever it is that is holding you back or whatever dysfunction that exists.

[Emanuela]

That is wonderful. That was good friend.

[Zoe]

That was so liberating. Honestly, I needed to hear that because I think so many times you go like trauma, you go through these things and they almost define you. Not like by virtue of you defining yourself or you wanting to give yourself low self esteem, but it affects the way you sharpen the world. It affects the way you or don't show up in the world. I remember one of the mentorship sessions I had with Courtney. She was like, why did you do that? She was like.

[Courtney]

I was like.

[Zoe]

She's like, why do you always hide? And I think like that. And I really was like, what? What are you talking about? But it really became transparent to me that you just. Because you cannot show up in one capacity, it doesn't Mean, you cannot show up in any capacity, like, one thing. And that's why I love what you said about mentoring with compassion in your heart. Because when you mentor from place of dictatorship or you want better for someone because of how it will reflect on you, their growth is contingent on your reputation, and it takes it away from their growth and it becomes about. About your reputation. But our lives are not our own. And they're definitely not. Like, we are responsible for each other, but we're not. We cannot take glory from another person's life. So when you said to me that, like, you don't have to shop 100 all the time, it loosed me and let me go, child.

[Courtney]

Come on now. Deliverance.

[Zoe]

And even what you said about, like, the mass of a pimple not amounted to the mass. Like, it literally puts things in so much perspective because it literally. Now you put it like that. Why would I amount my worth to literally a spot when I have a whole functioning body, you know? And I just want to encourage the sisters. Like, if you feel like you can't show up because you've gone through something or you don't have something, there's grace in the right spaces anyway, to be who you were created to be, and there's grace to grow into that person. You, in your present moment are enough. And if you didn't have the resources or the ability, I don't think you'd be afforded the opportunity.

[Emanuela]

Absolutely.

[Zoe]

To be encouraged.

[Emanuela]

Come on, now. Absolutely. And. And to be fair, to even touch on that. Right. I think as women, there is this proclivity to have an obsession with perfection.

[Zoe]

Come on.

[Emanuela]

If it's not perfect, I don't want it.

[Zoe]

I don't want it.

[Emanuela]

If it's not perfect, it's not good enough. Give it to somebody else, you know? And it's. It's that superwoman complex. It's this kind of belief that, listen, if it's not all together, yeah. It's not worth having. Right. And throwing yourself in the trash because you're like, I've got this one imperfection, so I need go and conjure up this new version of me which is completely blemishless. And I love that you emphasize that. Actually, a lot of the times, it's in our imperfections that we actually discover our strengths, right. It's when we actually discover our stories, right. The places of you, which are already fine. You're never going to discover your strength there. You're never going to discover the amount of resilience you carry.

[Courtney]

Right.

[Emanuela]

You're never Going to discover. And as much as women are kind of tired with these words like endurance and strength because they've been weaponized against us to make us tolerate. Tolerate bad behavior for way too long.

[Courtney]

Speak on it. Well, let's go.

[Emanuela]

They are still virtues. Yeah. They actually are still virtues. Right. Patience, endurance, they are still virtues. And you need to learn to show yourself those virtues. Which is actually, I have discovered that there's a bad habit that I have, but can I be patient with myself enough to keep trying to get rid of it? Right. You have to cultivate that patience. That patience is not cultivated if you just throw yourself in the bin. That. That patience is not cultivated. If your obsession with perf. Perfection means that you will not identify. I have a problem and I need to deal with it. Right. And so allowing ourselves to be okay with imperfect, not that that's the final destination, but I. Addressing and identifying that this is my starting point.

[Zoe]

Yeah.

[Emanuela]

I am not perfect. And that's actually okay. It doesn't mean I should give up on myself. In fact, it gives me the ability to work on myself and develop a part of me and go through that process. Right. Because it's the process that will show me who I am and who I'm becoming. And it's actually that version of myself that I'll fall in love with. The perfected version of me. Because I don't. I don't know about you, but I'm sure we can all relate. Right. When we get to that end point of our healing journey where we're like, oh, wow, that thing that used to trigger me, I ain't triggered by anymore.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Emanuela]

You know, or we've getting. We've gotten to a place where we can recognize the fruit of our healing. What actually impresses us more isn't that that situation happened as I wasn't triggered. It was that I survived the process.

[Courtney]

Do you.

[Emanuela]

I mean, like, I'm actually so proud of the fact. Fact that I showed. I showed up every week for my mentoring session. I woke up every week at 5am to go to the gym. Like, or every day at 5am to go to the gym. I'm actually proud of the woman who tried. It's not about the woman who became perfect. I mean, it isn't about the perfected version of me. I'm actually more proud of. And I'm boasting of. And my testimony is I didn't give up in the middle.

[Zoe]

Yeah.

[Emanuela]

That person who didn't give up in the middle was having to deal with pursuing perfection whilst Being imperfect and still allowing themselves in their imperfection to keep going. That's the person you become proud of in the process, if that makes sense. So I think you have to let go of this idolatry of perfection that we have that tells us if it's not perfect, we're not going on this journey. Perfect people don't go on journeys. Perfect people know I'm not where I need to be. And so I'm going to get up and go to where I need to be. Pick up your map, babe.

[Zoe]

Oh, she said, pick up your map.

[Emanuela]

Pick up your mat and walk. Pick up that thing that reminds you you once were unable to walk and now you have to walk home with it. Right? Like that guy that was at the gate called Beautiful, and they're like, pick up your mat and walk. And he's like, now I actually need to carry this thing that once was my home. I need to carry evidence of my imperfection with me. And once I get home, it's never leaving the house for me again. Like, once I. Once I get home. Yeah, I'm never.

[Zoe]

Do you get what?

[Emanuela]

I'm never leaving the house with this mat ever again. This map that reminds me of where I'm coming from. But they told him, as you are walking, yes, you have your miracle, but pick up that reminder that you once were unable to walk. So sometimes it's not even about becoming completely healed and perfect and forgetting who you once were. Because when you remember, when you remember, that's when you're like God. That's when you really give God the glory, because the glory is in comparison to who you used to be.

[Courtney]

Right?

[Emanuela]

Right. And that's when you realize, damn, I'm proud of that woman. Yes, I am proud of that woman that laid on that mat for how many and didn't give up. But now this mat is going in the bit.

[Zoe]

Come on. That can go in a trash, not me. The mat can go in a chair.

[Emanuela]

To remind you. Just a little reminder.

[Courtney]

You can't keep that smelly man in here.

[Emanuela]

Get out of here. Take a picture of it and move on. That's. That's what. That's what you brought to mind.

[Zoe]

Wow.

[Courtney]

Hey, sisters. Wrapping it up yet again with our mini series where we've been chatting away in the hot seat with our wonderful little sister, Emanuela. We hope you guys have been enjoying this series so far. I know that we have been having a fantastic time being in the hot seat, actually being guests on the podcast. Oh, my gosh. TMS feet. TMS has been so much fun. But until the next week you can definitely catch us on all social media platforms to stay tuned into the conversation and that is at to my sisterhood literally everywhere. And if you are new to the community, hey sis welcome welcome share with somebody else if you really enjoyed this conversation, be a part of the sisterhood, be a part of the community. And of course you can follow us individually as well. My lovely sister who is looking absolutely absolutely fabulous. Can we say brown skin beauty.

[Emanuela]

Oh my God.

[Courtney]

You know Whiskey was singing about anyway at CD Barteng and of course come and follow me over at Renee Kapuku.

[Emanuela]

We absolutely love to see it and of course you can sign up to the mailing list on our website. But if you ever want to engage with us on a deeper level then you should come to one of our live shows. We have them pretty much all around the world and we have some upcoming ones in London and South Africa. So he to the description to find information there about how you can be in the room when we go deeper into conversations like this. Cuz if you can imagine it or not there is actually deeper. So sisters we absolutely love you and we hope that you have an amazing week and as always keep glowing and growing.

[Unknown]

If you were listening to this podcast whilst waiting for a flight, would you be relaxing in a premium airport lounge?

[Emanuela]

No.

[Unknown]

Then start your journey with OneWorld, a leading alliance of world class airlines. Reach top tier status with a oneworld member Airlines frequent flyer press program and you can enjoy an array of benefits including priority check in and boarding and access to nearly 700 premium airport lounges around the world. Discover more at oneworld. Com Terms and conditions apply.