Embracing Your Winter Arc: Patience, Pruning & Comparison

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Embracing Your Winter Arc: Patience, Pruning & Comparison"

Podcast Information:

• Title: To My Sisters
• Hosts: Courtney Daniella Boateng & Renée Kapuku
• Episode Title: Embracing Your Winter Arc: Patience, Pruning & Comparison
• Release Date: December 1, 2024
• Description: Courtney and Renée delve into the realities of navigating adulthood and sisterhood, promoting holistic wellness, growth, and development within a global community of sisters.

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1. Introduction to Embracing the Winter Arc

In this episode, Courtney and Renée explore the concept of the "winter arc," a metaphor for the challenging phases in life where patience, pruning, and comparison play significant roles. They aim to help listeners find joy and contentment during dark times, transforming waiting periods into opportunities for personal growth and resilience.

Key Quote:

• Courtney [01:29]: "Finding joy and contentment in such dark times and really figuring out how to find some kind of rest and respite in the waiting season."

2. Personal Announcements and Celebrations

The hosts share exciting personal news, including Renée’s engagement. This segment underscores the importance of community and support within their sisterhood, illustrating how personal milestones can intersect with growth and seasonal changes in life.

Key Quotes:

• Renée [03:54]: "I am to be married... We are so happy for you guys."
• Courtney [04:25]: "I've been watching you since I'm 16... you're actually going from strength to strength."

3. Navigating Waiting Seasons

Courtney and Renée discuss the challenges of enduring extended waiting periods, whether in personal goals, relationships, or career aspirations. They acknowledge the emotional toll these seasons can take, including feelings of isolation and frustration.

Key Quotes:

• Courtney [29:30]: "We are in dark times, not just physically and seasonally, but also emotionally."
• Renée [31:23]: "Delay is not denial. Just because it's taking too long or it hasn't come when you ideal wanted it to, doesn't mean it's not coming."

4. Practical Tips for Embracing Patience and Pruning

The hosts offer actionable strategies for managing patience and pruning during winters:

• Occupying Time Wisely: Engage in activities that utilize your time effectively, such as reading, hobbies, or connecting with others.

  Renée [34:07]: "Pick up a newspaper, read a book. Play a game on your phone, talk to your neighbor."

• Emotional Regulation: Acknowledge and process negative emotions like anxiety, jealousy, and sadness. Emphasize the importance of reframing these emotions as tools for personal development.

  Renée [42:23]: "Reframing your mind to think, okay, cool. The reason why this emotion has been highlighted to me is for pruning."

• Community Support: Lean on friends, family, or professionals to navigate emotional challenges. Transparency and vulnerability are crucial for sustained emotional health.

  Courtney [47:53]: "It's important to be honest with yourself. You will never be able to be truly transparent if you cannot confess to yourself your own problems."

Notable Insight:

• Courtney [33:17]: "It's about how you wait. It's about making the most of what you can actually do whilst you wait."

5. Handling Comparison and Supporting Others

The conversation shifts to managing feelings of comparison, especially when friends are in different "seasons" of their lives. Courtney and Renée emphasize the significance of supporting each other despite differing circumstances.

Key Quotes:

• Renée [58:49]: "Extending the warmth that you have into her season as well."
• Courtney [62:17]: "Being and dwelling in different seasons requires different types of sacrifices."

Strategies Discussed:

• Sacrifice and Support: Share your abundance with those in need, whether it's emotional support, financial assistance, or simply being present.

  Courtney [62:34]: "If you are in a place of abundance, then that's something that we really should prioritize because so many of us are in lack."

• Communication: Maintain open and honest dialogue about your current season and limitations, fostering mutual understanding and support.

  Renée [58:11]: "Honest and not defensive, but just honest about where you're at."

6. Listener Dilemma: Relationship Conflict

In the listener segment, Courtney addresses a dilemma from a listener who is contemplating reuniting with an ex-boyfriend who previously committed a serious breach of trust by stealing a friend's nude photos. Renée and Courtney provide candid and firm advice, emphasizing the importance of self-respect and recognizing abusive behaviors.

Key Quotes:

• Courtney [65:35]: "That's a criminal offense... If this guy can't provide for you like you want, you're the one saying that you want provision."
• Renée [66:57]: "Let go. Put yourself in your own file."

Advice Given:

• Rejecting Toxic Relationships: Encouraging the listener to move on from the ex-boyfriend due to his past misconduct and inability to meet her needs.

  Courtney [68:02]: "This friendship is done."

• Prioritizing Self-Worth: Highlighting the importance of valuing oneself over a relationship that compromises personal integrity and safety.

7. Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Courtney and Renée wrap up the episode by reiterating their commitment to supporting listeners through their varying seasons. They encourage continuous engagement with their community and tease upcoming events and content, reinforcing the podcast's role as a sanctuary for sisterhood and growth.

Key Quotes:

• Renée [71:26]: "We hope that you enjoyed this episode and we will see you next week for the next one."
• Courtney [72:23]: (Repeats the initial ad, which is skipped in the summary)

Final Insight:

• Courtney [64:36]: "Emotional regulation is not just about recognizing the emotion but also managing how it impacts your behavior and relationships."

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Courtney [01:29]: "Finding joy and contentment in such dark times and really figuring out how to find some kind of rest and respite in the waiting season."

• Courtney [33:17]: "It's about how you wait. It's about making the most of what you can actually do whilst you wait."

• Renée [31:23]: "Delay is not denial. Just because it's taking too long or it hasn't come when you ideally wanted it to, doesn't mean it's not coming."

• Courtney [47:53]: "It's important to be honest with yourself. You will never be able to be truly transparent if you cannot confess to yourself your own problems."

• Renée [58:49]: "Extending the warmth that you have into her season as well."

• Courtney [65:35]: "That's a criminal offense... If this guy can't provide for you like you want, you're the one saying that you want provision."

---

Conclusion

"Embracing Your Winter Arc" serves as a compassionate guide for listeners facing prolonged challenges, offering both personal anecdotes and practical advice. Courtney and Renée skillfully blend their experiences with actionable strategies, fostering a supportive environment for their community of sisters worldwide. The episode underscores the value of patience, emotional regulation, and unwavering support amidst life's seasons of change.

Transcript

[Courtney]

You know, as a busy mom, there are lots of ways you can help yourself fall asleep. You could stare blankly at the ceiling and replay every conversation you've ever had. Count sheep, have a debate with your pillow, Give up caffeine. Try acupuncture and buy a weighted blanket that will make you sweat profusely. Or you could try some milk, which has nutrients that support healthy sleep. Visit gonnaneedmilk.com for more info. And for everyone's sake, please don't give up caffeine.

[Renee]

Women that look like me are often told we do not deserve to be loved. And yet I've been loved so well.

[C]

Because that's what a lot of these negative emotions do. They obstruct you. Yeah, they are literally a blockage, and you need to drain it. You need to release it. It needs to come out of you, lest it control you.

[Renee]

Like, I'll be completely honest with you. Pruning is never fun. It's not that feeling of loss is never fun, but as long as you can remember. Okay, cool. This is my training season, and this is my training ground. Hello, and welcome to the To My Sisters podcast. I'm Courtney.

[C]

And I'm Renee. And we are your online sisters and hosts of the To My Sisters podcast.

[Renee]

We are all about promoting the wellness, growth, and development of a community of sisters around the world.

[C]

And in today's podcast episode, we are going to be talking about embracing your winter ar. That's right. Finding joy and contentment in such dark times and really figuring out how to find some kind of rest and respite in the waiting season.

[Renee]

Love it.

[C]

It is wintertime. It's starting to get cold.

[Renee]

It is. It is indeed.

[C]

It's pinching this. You know, I walked outside this morning and I was like, wow, it's really. It's cold out here. And I think it would be a really, really great time for us to have a discussion on embracing the coldness, embracing the darkness, as it were, in a wholesome way. By the way, we're not doing the whole Marvel villain era and figuring out how to wait patiently but also wait productively when it is your waiting season.

[Renee]

Who is this episode for?

[C]

Oh, it's, first of all, it's for everybody in winter, but also it's for everybody that needs to navigate a winter season. Because one thing that is for sure, off the back of our London Live show, which we'll talk about, Susan, we're going to get into all of those details real soon. But off the back of our London Live show, where we were Talking about the theme of embracing your season, I really realized that a lot of sisters are going through a winter season. And in fact, some of our most popular questions that we had at the live show were around, how do you navigate a winter season? Right. So I thought maybe this will be the time for us to do a little something something where we talk in detail about navigating tough times, dark times, times that can feel quite lonely and isolated for a lot of people and kind of give the sisters a little bit of a rundown as to what are some of the real emotions that they would have to be navigating, as well as some practical tips to help them get through it all.

[Renee]

Love it, love it, love it.

[C]

So that's what this episode is about. But before we do that, we absolutely must do announcements. We absolutely must do announcements. And as your resident Oprah, I am here to do a service for the girlies.

[Renee]

Okay, cool.

[C]

To officially announce what has been announced. I mean, guys, if you have been on the social medias, if you were at the London live show, it was just so exciting. For those of you that may not know at this critical juncture, you may have been under a rock somewhere. Courtney. Daniela is, in fact, engaged.

[Renee]

I am to be married. Residents of the ton. The ton. Residents of the ton. Courtney is indeed betraying.

[C]

We present to you that our latest debutantes we present to you that our latest debut is, in fact, debuting because she's got a bill. Okay. Thank you very much.

[Renee]

Id thank you, sisters, for the love.

[C]

We are so happy for you guys. Sorry. Every time I get to talk about this, I'm just so excited because, yeah, I've said this to Courtney already. Like, I'm so happy for you. Friends, congratulations. I. I have been telling her I've been practicing my dance moves. I really have been. And I'm just so excited for you in this next season. I think. I think I speak for a lot of people that have been. You know, I've been watching you since I'm 16. Like, a lot of the reason why.

[Renee]

That'S so funny is I started creating when we were 18, so this. I've been watching you since I was 16. It's like, where. Well, in real life, I guess in real life.

[C]

There you go. I knew you had potential before, so I've been watching you before. The YouTube streets were watching you. But I think there's something quite beautiful, obviously in close proximity, but for a lot of people that actually love you and love your content, to actually see you go from strength to strength and to get to a place where, you know, hashtag kingdom Marriages. I literally told Courtney that she was going to break the Internet. No, guys, I said, courtney, you're going to break the Internet because people don't even have a whiff. A whiff of a man.

[Renee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So. So basically, guys, I know we've been on this podcast, and y'all know, but my prescription is always, I'm single till I'm married, period. I am single. So that ring is on my finger, period. And obviously, court. Courting with the intention of marrying, dating with the intention of marrying meant that, like, this man ain't my man. So he put a ring on it and tell my family he want to be my man. Okay, I'm so sorry. So, yeah, I mean, everyone wants a story time. You guys know, as much as I'm a very transparent person, you know this. Yeah, as much as I'm a very transparent person, I'm a very private person. And so this was also something that I was debating whether I would share. But the love, the encouragement, like, everyone just being like, we've been following your journey. And it's true, like I said, I started creating content at 18, and I had just. That was my last time being in a relationship.

[C]

Almost 10 years, you know.

[Renee]

You know, some people don't know that, like. So basically, I started my YouTube channel a couple of months after becoming a Christian, and let me keep you real. I became a Christian in November 2015. December 2015. I lost my virginity.

[C]

It is.

[Renee]

So I wasn't fully. I wasn't fully. Let's just keep it real for the deliverance of the. The people. No, I Still reading. We're still learning.

[C]

We're still learning.

[Renee]

Yeah, there we go, Learning. But the conviction that grabbed my throat in January 2016. God said, you better leave that man alone. And I was dragging my feet, dragging my feet. My ex was of a different religion, and we were just doing things, and we. We had been friends for a really long time, and it was just like, oh, God, don't like this. That was my first time sensing God's like, now I'm the lord of your lives.

[C]

Yeah, it's a no, no.

[Renee]

I'm gonna give you some instructions. It's up to you whether you want to obey.

[C]

You need to wrap it up.

[Renee]

But if you want the peace, you gotta obey. So that's a word for somebody.

[C]

We haven't even gotten into the me of the conversation.

[Renee]

So anyways, started my YouTube channel, and God was still knocking on my heart. Like, it's not you, that's going to be a Christian online while you, you're doing knickknacks with a man.

[C]

Just knocking boots.

[Renee]

And so I broke up with him and literally I told him, like, I'm breaking up with you for Jesus. Yeah, yeah. And he said, all the best, all the best. So then that led me to just pray that prayer, you know, God, the next man, you said, me better be my husband. And low and below low. This is not. Behold, below the below, low and below. I was single from that point as well.

[C]

Do you know what? And this is why the podcast episode girls, be listening carefully into this one, because I know that Courtney is going.

[Renee]

To drop some jersey. So anyway, in that time I leaned into community, friendship. This was a staple of my whole life and is a staple of my whole life. Because I was saying this to Susan Deb on Alive. I feel like we're always taught like, your ultimate happiness will be found within a marriage and you're healing towards becoming married.

[C]

Absolutely.

[Renee]

And you're experience like bliss and purpose and stuff when you get married. That was kind of my upbringing and what I was told. Even though I'd seen a lot of failed marriages around me, there was this mirage that was, oh, but marriage is going to be the safety net. We all need filming. And I decided, no, it's not like that sounds a bit more like an idol than it does a marriage. And so I decided that I was going to lean into everything that made me happy as an individual person, as a single woman, you know, making the most of a season of being without somebody, but also child free and just all my money is mine, all my time is mine. And also finding healing and that nurturing and purpose in community. And all my talents and my gifts are making the most of that. So you have been and continue to be a cornerstone of my happiness in life. And I'm so thankful because Renee helped plan my proposal. Guys, she effectively lied to me. All these times she's been sitting on the podcast looking me in my eyes, she's been lying to me.

[C]

So the thing is, I'm also a really bad liar, relatively, I don't know, because you, you.

[Renee]

I'm not gonna lie. So you really sunk into this one. You said I am becoming the character.

[C]

This is true. I did take drama so genuinely. I was having this conversation with someone that drama is actually important.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[C]

I think what was helpful was you didn't ask any questions. I think you got to. Yeah, that's true.

[Renee]

I didn't ask questions to you. I was Asking questions to everybody else.

[C]

Exactly. Because, you know, I'll tell you, you weren't asking me any, like, questions and stuff like that, which made it easier for me to just compartment. It was when we were getting up to, you know, the month mark and the three week mark, then the week of guys, when I say I was literally calling in support, I was like, I don't know. I don't know how long I can do this for. Send help, send help. And then when it was on me, like, oh, Renee, you need to bring Courtney to the site. I said, what? How am I going to get her here looking cute and nice without her, you know, thinking that something was going a bit shady? You know, something was going on, but it actually works out perfectly, like, genuinely perfect.

[Renee]

I was thrown off the scent. Like, guys, I was asking all of my friends, Mandy, who said she would do my nails for me, I was like, mandy, I think these are going to be my proposal nails. Why would he propose to you? Now, that's a bit. Why would I do your nails? That's silly, Mary. I think I should do my hair. You can do it if you want to, but I think you should do the front of your brain. And then, yeah, I didn't even bother asking Renee because Renee would lie to me.

[C]

I would have to.

[Renee]

Right? And so, yeah, no, thank you. Thank you for giving me. And also to my man, thank you for giving me not only the proposal of my dreams, but genuinely, like, a relationship that I can testify about, you know, like, it has been a joyful ride. I have experience, essentially. It's nice to share it with you guys after I've had the privilege of being able to enjoy it in private.

[C]

Yeah, basically, for sure.

[Renee]

And, yeah, thank you for. I did not expect this. Girl, you're gonna break the Internet. I've been baby the moment.

[C]

Oh, listen, why do you think we're out here getting those angles for those photos, guys? Also, fun fact. Yeah. The photos of that proposal where did not just chef kiss.

[Renee]

They really were shout out to my community.

[C]

Listen, they were up here doing up. Love a girl, I love a boy. And we were like, guys, can you just turn somebody to the side? Somebody had the lights here. Could you just. You know what I'm saying? Listen, the reason that you broke the Internet is because people love you. Obviously, people love love, but people actually love you. And I've been saying this since I've been following you at 16 or 18, which I've been following you at both points. Old to me, new to you. You're Such an authentic person. I'm not being paid to say this at all, by the way. I have to.

[Renee]

I mean, we are co founders.

[C]

We are in fact have a vested interest. But the fact that we've been co founders for this long, we've been friends for this long, I could actually testify of your character. People like you, because you're actually a likable person.

[Renee]

Thanks.

[C]

In real life. And also like on the Internet streets. And I'm sorry, but you can't say that for everyone. Do you know what I mean? You actually can't. Like, I'm just keeping it. I'm keeping it a buck, you know what I'm saying? Keep a little box. Like, you are one of those people whose authenticity actually radiates through the camera. And that's why me, like, back in the day, I wasn't watching YouTubers like that. Courtney. There was like a couple that I can say I was. You live from Layfield, of course. We're going to talk about them in a second. Like, those are Patricia Bright. Like, there was a couple of individuals that I actually watched religiously. You were one of them. Not just because, oh, you're my friend and because I'm supporting. I was watching that like the biggest fan girl. Because I actually enjoy your content and you speak with grace and authenticity. So to see, ostensibly everybody's like, big sister is now getting married.

[Renee]

Crazy vibes. Crazy vibes.

[C]

We're all going to the wedding am. You know what I'm saying? Well, I. I don't know about you.

[Renee]

But you'll be there.

[C]

I will be there. I will represent. Above the sister speakers.

[Renee]

Guys, the budget is.

[C]

Cuz the budget is. Guys, there's a meme that we've been sharing. Hard to put it on the screen.

[Renee]

Actually, because the budget is.

[C]

If you are listening, come and watch it on YouTube because the budget is. Oh, clench my cheeks.

[Renee]

Facts, facts. But you know what? I'm actually genuinely grateful. Genuinely so grateful. Happy for you, friend. And I'm really happy.

[C]

I'm glad.

[Renee]

I'm really happy. So, yeah. Thank you guys so much for the love and the support everyone has been asking. I think it even ties with the theme. Right? Like everyone has been asking. Oh, have you cried? First of all, if you know me for real, you know that tears come out of my eyes three working days a year. What?

[C]

Guys, we were in tears more than Connie. Yeah, I can confirm this babe was. No, I'm sorry. Do you know what was funny? It was when you were walking over, you were like, what the heck is you know, most people be like, oh, my gosh, what the heck?

[Renee]

No, genuinely, I haven't cried. I haven't shed a tear because. And we were saying this at the live show. The theme of this year's London live show was embracing our seasons. And it's looking like the theme of the year can't even lie to you. Giving prophetic word. But, like, I was talking about summer seasons and how a lot of us don't allow ourselves to embrace summer and the beauty and the warmth of summer because we have the insecurities and the fears of winter that have come with those memories. And last year, guys, like, I'm gonna keep it a book. I was sat on this podcast. There would be days we would come to recording, and before we started recording, I would have had to pat my eyes and do Renee. I just don't want to cry on the pod because I went through my winter season. I went through a season of real pruning and God being like, if I strip everything back, what will remain? Right? And I was stripped naked. Ah. The Lord said, you will figure out what you're made of this winter. This winter. Like, I don't know if you guys remember, I went to Hong Kong at the end of last year in Hong Kong, every day I cried. I have shed enough tears in Hong Kong to not have to cry in this season, trust me. So right now, this season is grinning from ear to ear. Not because, oh, I'm getting married and all my dreams and, you know, hashtag kingdom marriage, which I love, but because God could not have written a more poetic story and really, like, done something, something with the bare bones of winter. I did not see this coming, in a sense. And I. I genuinely. The joy that I feel over my relationship, my friendships, my community, and just how everything has worked and the fact that it coincided with the live show. And then the live show theme is just like, God, I. I can see your hand all over this thing. And for that reason, I am overjoyed. So genuinely, I haven't shed a tear because my cheeks hurt from how much I have been smiling. And this is a smile that I did not have last year.

[C]

Oh, wow. Alexa, play what's it by Stormzy. There's a Stop. There's a song.

[Renee]

I was thinking that. I don't know why.

[C]

Wow, it's giving. Prophetic.

[Renee]

Yeah, I was thinking that. That Stormzy has a song about this. Yeah. Anyway. But I got my smile back.

[C]

There you go. And a poet that you are. Because that caption. Oh, my Lord, I read It. I print screened it. I took notes on it. I read it out loud.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[C]

You know. You know when. No, but poetry is something that you read, but it's also something that you hear.

[Renee]

You better, Courtney.

[C]

No, no, no. You better because you better.

[Renee]

You know what, though? I want one. I wanted to capture. That was true. I wanted to capture.

[C]

She said, I'm tired of all of you guys. You know when people quote the Bible verse.

[Renee]

Yeah. I wanted a caption that was good thing. Exactly. And also, I don't share to just sharing sake. I share to impact people. Like, I share for you to be in, like, actually receive something. And also, it took me about two hours to draft that caption because I didn't know what to say.

[C]

Beautiful.

[Renee]

And as I was reflecting on it, I was like, you know what? God, All I can say is the honest truth of what I've experienced. And this is it. Wow. This is actually it. And I wanted the caption. Sorry. I wanted the caption to reflect that I have truly been loved. Well, like. And I think this is something that everyone around me can say. I hope.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[Renee]

That. Like the. Oh, this is gonna kill me to even say. But the love that I have experienced through this relationship, I can't lie to you. I get why people fall in love. I get it. And the reason why I say it is as a. As a woman who is privy to, you know, the gender wars and the manosphere and all of that, women that look like me are often told we do not deserve to be loved. And yet I've been loved so. Well.

[C]

First of all, take that, Jenny. We'll talk about Jenny in a second. Take that, Jenny. We'll talk about that in a second.

[Renee]

But I just wanted the girls to see. Maybe it is worth the wait. It is worth the wait.

[C]

Like I said, we ain't even gotten into the bulk of the episode and already the gems are coming out. Because you're right.

[Renee]

Remember when I met this man on. I was talking to this man on Hinge. Not my man. I was talking to a man on Hinge, and he told me that. He asked me, oh, so what you going to do to reward your bear? I said, reward him for what? Said he was American. That's why I put the vest. The vest. The vest in the room that looked like it was lit with one light bulb. Yeah.

[C]

Thank you.

[Renee]

He said, what you going to do to reward your man? I said, what do you mean? And then he said, because, you know when. When a woman is big like you, when a man makes Love to you.

[C]

Oh, get out.

[Renee]

He's gonna be exerting a lot of energy. So what you gonna do to reward your man? I said, bye. Do you know that's an insult? Lord of Lords, to my face. To my face. This man was in New York saying this to my face. And I said, God, there has to be more for me than this.

[C]

American sisters, please.

[Renee]

So that's when I decided to stop online dating. Absolutely. And I said, God, if you don't do it, it won't get done because your men out here, the men you made crazy, wilding crazy. So I just sat tight, you know, did my little gap year and enjoyed myself. And then God said this man, who God's son, you know what Ella may say, get you one of these. Oh, get you. What a good man of God.

[C]

I know you're gonna be listening to this.

[Renee]

Like he actually listens to every one of our episodes as well. He's a big fan of this podcast. Shout out to you.

[C]

Oh, babes. Oh, wow, guys, we've actually lost one. We've lost a good one. She is no longer in the community.

[Renee]

I don't know what that.

[C]

You know what makes me laugh though is the fact that both of us are very much like. We don't like being moist.

[Renee]

No.

[C]

As much as we are transparent, you know, vulnerable, we also don't like being absolutely. What has been so hilarious is just seeing the levels of moistness that you have descended to. And I love it for you, some.

[Renee]

See as a descent, some an ascent perspective. I love it. I love it. There's a good reason to be moist in this.

[C]

Coming back to Jenny. So just to give you guys a little bit of context, her name is probably not even Jenny to be fair. But Jenny has been a long term hater of cdb. Like genuine hater. I've seen haters before, but this is a long term hater that would actively like write paragraphs and send messages and send quite nasty jibes. Especially whenever Courtney would make any kind of content around, you know, navigating seasons of singleness or just talking about relationships, etc.

[Renee]

I love how you've never let this go.

[C]

I can't. I can't because I'm sorry for you to get to a place where you're actually a stranger. Hopefully you're a stranger because if you're somebody that's close, if I find you, if I find you anyways, hopefully it's a stranger. But for you to exert that level of energy, disliking somebody on the Internet to the Point where you're writing paragraphs or mean things consistently with your little purple profile picture. I haven't responded. I haven't forgotten. It's too much. Especially because, like, you're my friend.

[Renee]

You are too.

[C]

We have been praying. We have been working. People don't see the behind the scenes of how their meanness on the Internet can affect people. And for someone to be not just mean, but consistent. Consistent in their negative energy. Jenny, I hope you have been silenced. If you pop up, we'll have words. I can find IP addresses.

[Renee]

She really can. Guys, I just love how Jenny's biggest hater because I've let this go is Renee. Renee has not let this go.

[C]

No. Because it's. It's the same as if you had an op.

[Renee]

Yeah. Yes.

[C]

That is effectively your op. Your OP is actually my biggest op. And like, I hate. I just. I hate, hate. Especially when. Yeah, this is a celebratory season for you as well. So it's good that she's been quiet, but you'll be celebrating or talking about other things and sis will come out of the woodworks to just say something. You know what I'm saying?

[Renee]

Like, I pray that you're happy. I do. So I hope she's found happiness, honestly and truly.

[C]

And for any of you that are, like, trolling or mean or whatever, please think twice before you send such comments. Yeah, please. And also consider your own set of circumstances and whether it is from that place that you should be saying anything, because I think we often know. Do you know what I mean? I think we often forget that we need to be humble. Not in a rude way, but genuinely, like, just that energy needs to be any who's. Yeah. It needs to be redirected to.

[Renee]

Your situation is so funny.

[C]

I know. But anyways, you know, the girls are here for that anyway.

[Renee]

Yeah. So maybe I will tell the story one day. But yeah, at the moment, let's just pray for me, please, that we make it to the aisle, man. We will. But that will be just a joyful season, A happy marriage as well. Because I think, yeah, weddings are cute. Marriages are important, though. Marriages are more important.

[C]

Heavy on that.

[Renee]

So, yeah, I just. Thank you guys for celebrating with me.

[C]

And we'll continue to celebrate. Celebrate. Thank you. Thank you. God bless. Thank you, sisters, for your online and offline support. It's been so beautiful to see the amount of support that you've gotten.

[Renee]

And the most beautiful display of it was at the live show, TMS Live in London, our fourth sold out show in this city.

[C]

I just want to say that if.

[Renee]

You missed out, you missed out. I think this was objectively our best show.

[C]

I think so, too.

[Renee]

I think our best show yet. Live from Layfield.

[C]

Killed it, ate and left no crumbs.

[Renee]

And left no crumbs. Genuinely seeing them together, seeing them talk about an update on their life, what they've been doing for the last couple of years, but also what God has been teaching them as they've all entered different seasons and even in their wider friendship circle had to deal with, you know, different successes, different losses. It was so beautiful, so graceful, so full of wisdom. And genuinely, we appreciate them from coming and reuniting for the sisterhood because it was fantastic.

[C]

You would only get that exclusive at tms, by the way.

[Renee]

Not going to lie. Not going to lie.

[C]

Genuinely.

[Renee]

And then we got to do our talk on embracing our seasons. I'm not going to lie. I think the Lord came in clutch.

[C]

Do you know what I mean? I genuinely think we ate.

[Renee]

The Lord left zero crumbs. We ate literally nothing. Let me tell you why, because me and Renee, when we sit on that couch to let you in a bit of tea, we don't come with points.

[C]

We don't.

[Renee]

We don't like, we come with a general structure. Like, okay, this conversation, we're going to talk about winter, spring, summer, autumn, but we don't come with talking points. We literally sit there and we say, God, if you don't speak, it's going to be silence on that stage and can't lie. The Holy Spirit came through.

[C]

Really and truly.

[Renee]

The Holy Spirit came through because we were talking and I was like, this is for us. Let alone for the people. This is for us. So thank you, God. Thank you, God. Investor. And thank you to the sisters that came. Thank you to all our sponsors. Thank you to Raquel for organizing it. Like, genuinely thank you to our hosts, like, Juice, Adela, Adesi and Deborah. Like, thank you all so, so much. All the support supporting Sisters Shoreditch Town Hall. Like, everyone we've worked with this year has been a blessing.

[C]

So and so kind. Like, everyone that we've worked with so far. And I think that's why I think this felt like our best show.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[C]

So far. Everyone that we worked with this year has been so kind.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[C]

So nice and so genuine in their desire to contribute to sisterhood, whether it be, you know, hampers. Yo, Southwest six Salon Cheeks.

[Renee]

I see y'all Chase Trezor Tress with the goodie bags.

[C]

I see y'all full size products. Full size Full size products. We still. We still got a lot. Yeah.

[Renee]

Not gonna lie to you.

[C]

In our home.

[Renee]

You want some hair products?

[C]

Just. Yeah. The next time you see us in.

[Renee]

The road, we're selling it £10.

[C]

We might. Yeah, we might just have a bottle of, you know, cantu something.

[Renee]

Plenty, plenty.

[C]

We've been. Listen, everyone that has seen us so far with. Hey, Jiwon. Some hair products.

[Renee]

That's why you can use a leave in conditioner. O.

[C]

It's winter, it's a bit dry. So if you want that, let us know who else is there eventually. Oh, my gosh. The beautiful setup that we had that day. Embracing your seasons with flowers.

[Renee]

With flowers.

[C]

Guys, that couldn't have been us.

[Renee]

Snapped. Snap.

[C]

Yandy skin as well.

[Renee]

Like, honestly, Wardrobe warehouse for our outfits. Like, guys. Ah. Captured with joy. Jay Z Beat. If you see these pictures, go to our Instagram. Go and see some of the pictures that Jay ZB took. Jay ZB takes all of our pictures from our headshots to the podcast cover that you guys see to this live show, period. That woman is talented.

[C]

And we. Fun fact. We've worked with Jay ZB from the beginning. From the beginning.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[C]

And a major shout out. Ms. Deji. Mrs. Deji. Rachel. Let me put some respect.

[Renee]

Wow, wow, wow.

[C]

Yeah.

[Renee]

Makeup, eight down. Like, guys, just. Thank you. Thank you. Big racks. Yeah, big racks. Organizing this whole thing. I'm telling you, that's our babe, that's our sister. And this whole thing really is a sisterhood effort. Like all the volunteers, everyone who comes together to make this show what it is. Yeah. And then the audience, because you guys were bringing energy. Aaron, for rewriting the code was all you literally singing on stage for the Ice Breakers. Like, just. God bless you guys, man. God bless you guys. But, yes, there are more live shows to come, not just in London, but around. Yeah, yeah. We're working on some African sister stand up. And I say Africa. Multiple in the continent, baby. There are things coming. But also, if you want to come with us to Ghana, you definitely can come through because we're going to shake a legendary in my motherland.

[C]

Hello.

[Renee]

Hallelujah.

[C]

If you want to see Ms. CDB Abyss Adjua going to Ghana, then you should come to.

[Renee]

You can have it.

[C]

Listen, I was trying to slide it in there so that no one would, like, notice, and they'll be like, oh, wow. Yeah. AJU was definitely like, I know exactly who they're referring to. We are going to have a good. And it's better Renee than Janae.

[Renee]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Come with us to Ghana. We're gonna have a whale of a time.

[Renee]

We really will. It's happening the first week of March. You can still get your space on the trip. The link is in our description and in the show notes.

[C]

All right, we are. We are in dark times.

[Renee]

Not. News flash.

[C]

We are in dark times, not just physically and seasonally, because everybody knows that the sun is setting at 4pm at least in the UK in the Western hemisphere, but also winter. And this year has had some really dark moments for a lot of people. We've seen a lot of things happen on social media as well as off. We've seen a lot of interesting elections. We have seen a lot of warfare. We have seen a lot of darkness come upon the earth recently. And that's just more generally, but thinking more so individually as well. A lot of people have been through it. They've really, really been through it. And for a lot of people who may have had big dreams and hopes for 2024, their reality has also told them that they have to wait a little bit longer. So there's many folks that I've spoken to, I've seen who may have had some really lofty goals, but unfortunately have not yet achieved them. And now that we're entering towards the end of 2024, it can really feel like, ah, when am I going to get out of this long winter? Or when am I going to get out of this. This waiting period, this waiting season? So I guess I wanted to actually start with the challenges of waiting and waiting. Not just a long time, but a longer time than you anticipate. And how to not run out of faith and pep and happiness in a period that is going on for longer than you anticipated.

[Renee]

That's a really good question. I think the scripture that comes to mind immediately is hope deferred makes the heart sick. Right. So this idea that what you are hoping for and longing for, when it takes too long to come, you can genuinely become sick. Like your, your heart can become sick because it's longing for something. And I think one, it's about identifying that. You know that cliche statement, delay is not denial. Just because it's taking too long or it hasn't come when you ideally wanted it to, doesn't mean it's not coming.

[C]

Yeah.

[Renee]

However, when we're in that period of it taking long, we need to address, am I going to allow this delay to let me lose faith that it will ever come? Right. If it's something that you deeply desire, if it's something that you know you've written down, God, I want this to happen in my career or in my relationship or in my life, in my family. Right. And you genuinely have this conviction and this belief that it is going to happen. For me, I think there's this. There's a word we all hate, which is patience.

[C]

Yeah.

[Renee]

And patience isn't necessarily patience. When you know when the thing is going to happen, you're just counting down the days. Like, you don't have to be patient for Christmas. Christmas is happening on December 25th.

[C]

We know.

[Renee]

Do you get what I mean? You can be really excited for it to be happening and pushing towards it happening. However, you're just going to have to wait. However, patience is exercised when you don't know when the thing is coming. And as much as a lot of us have hope and excitement for what it is we want, when you don't know when it's coming and patience doesn't kick in, you become heartsick. Right. So I think it's allowing ourselves to have patience. And one thing that I struggle with a lot is patience. As a very ambitious person, as someone who also believes that everything is within their control or believed that everything was in their control, patience can be very difficult because, like, why should I have to exercise patience? Where is the opt out button of this waiting period?

[C]

Interesting.

[Renee]

And so I think it teaches you that you are not in control of everything, which then makes you realize that, one, you have to trust in something that has more control than you do, but also realize that there is beauty in, to some degree, being not in control of everything, but being in control of some things. Right. So one thing, as you're in your waiting period, one thing that you are in control of is what you do while you wait.

[C]

Correct.

[Renee]

Right. And so I think the essence here is how do you wait? Well, like, what do you do in your waiting season, not only to wait on the thing that's coming, but to make the most of the waiting period. Right. I think of when you go to, like, the doctor's office or, you know, the GP and you're sitting in that waiting room, it can be really frustrating when you're doing nothing and just twiddling your thumbs while you're waiting for your appointment to come. Especially if your appointment has been delayed.

[C]

Yeah.

[Renee]

Right. If you are. Yeah. If your appointment is running behind, as it tends to with their nhs. Hello, shout out to the nhs, but y'all are stretched to capacity. Labour, government, do something stretched. When you are waiting for an appointment and your appointment has been delayed and you are in the waiting room waiting for that door to be open for you to come in and have your time.

[C]

Yeah.

[Renee]

The most frustrating thing is sitting in that waiting room and doing nothing. So my suggestion to you is pick up a newspaper, read a book.

[C]

That's good, boy.

[Renee]

Play a game on your phone, talk to your neighbor. Do something that helps you occupy the time.

[C]

Yeah.

[Renee]

Right. And a lot of us struggle in our waiting season to occupy our time because we stay so focused on the thing we want that we don't focus on the things we have. You have something at your disposal right now. You have time, you have people, you have energy, you have opportunities.

[C]

Yeah.

[Renee]

That you may be saying no to because you're just anticipating your appointment, but actually it's okay to occupy your time in the waiting period because when your time comes, you will know it's time for me to put that thing down now and walk into my appointment. Right. It's time for me to walk from this room into that room from this season into that season. Just because you picked up something doesn't mean you're going to miss your season. As long as you stay attentive and you still stay hopeful that it's going to happen.

[C]

Yeah.

[Renee]

You didn't come to the waiting room to make friends. You came to the waiting room to have your appointment.

[C]

Right.

[Renee]

So let's not get distracted. However, if you can make friends in that waiting room, that's great. That's a really great addition. But we don't lose focus of what we actually came here for.

[C]

Yeah.

[Renee]

So it's still having hope that the thing that you came for is going to happen. Still having focus on the main mission while you're here in this stage of your life and what you're hoping for and what your goals are. But not being a afraid to also indulge in the things that are at your disposal right now and allowing yourself to wait well and not have to enjoy the waiting season, but actually enjoy it by making the most of what you can actually do whilst you wait.

[C]

I love that. Oh, I love that. Couple of things that you said that really resonated with me. I love that you said occupy your time well, because I think sometimes the general advice that we get in the waiting season is to prepare, which is not a bad thing at all. It's really good for you to prepare. But we can become so hyper fixated on our appointment that we miss the movement. We miss the moment completely. We miss our community. We miss the beauty in the season that we're in because we're so focused on the next season that we forget that there's things to be enjoyed in this season. We are so focused on, you know, preparing for summer that we miss the beauty of a winter. There's something quite nice about being able to, you know, be inside your bed and you hear the soft patter of snow and rain and all that kind of stuff. And you can enjoy your mulled wines and your hot chocolates and whatnot. The things that we associate positively with winter, we rarely spend time enjoying those things because we're so preoccupied with getting away from the cold of winter. So I think it's so beautiful that you mentioned it's actually important for us to occupy our time well and pay attention to the things that we actually already have. Like, that is often one of the biggest stepping stones to whatever it is that you're waiting for. And I think there is something about, like, understanding the gravitas of what you're waiting for too sometimes when.

[Renee]

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[Courtney]

Your purchase of $500 or more with code LISTEN.

[Renee]

That's $50 off with code. LISTEN.

[C]

There are big things that are coming our way. It requires big waiting times, right? Like there's almost a proportionality of the preparation season or proportionality of the waiting season. Right. Could it be that, you know, you're waiting for a long time because what you're about to experience is also going to be joy in abundance and joy in a long time and in a long season. And I loved what you were saying actually at the live show as well around obviously, guys, you know, if you were there, you were there. But I love this idea of I loved what you had had mentioned around, like the fear that we often have that joy is something that's fleeting.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[C]

Or whatever it is that we are waiting for or waiting upon will be fleeting, which is why there's so much fear attached to that. It's also having hope in the fact that not only will you obtain the thing, but you also get to keep it.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[C]

And you can sustain it.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[C]

Like it's actually okay.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[C]

Like you can wait. Because whatever it is that you're waiting for will be beauty in its abundance.

[Renee]

Come on.

[C]

You will have time to enjoy it, whether it be the relationship, whether it be the house, or any of these arbitrary things that we're often waiting a really long time for. I think having not just hope in the obtaining, but also in the keeping. And knowing that this season that I'm going through is finite.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[C]

It may be long, but it's finite. And it will come to an end. And once it ends, that's that.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[C]

There's no going back. There's no turning back. One thing about time is time can never be rewinded. That is one of the most precious currencies that we have. So seeing time as a resource that we have in abundance right now in this waiting season is actually such a beautiful thing. You have time to prepare, you have time to occupy. You have time to have a good ass time in winter. It's actually okay. Enjoy, you know, And I think if we embrace time so much more, then we'll have less regrets as well when we enter into that season of occupying, what it is that, you know, God has for us. But one thing that I really wanted to touch on was emotional regulation.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[C]

Because one thing about being in the waiting season is it can provoke emotional turbulence going through demotions, whether it's anxiety, whether it is jealousy, whether it is comparison in the waiting season, I've often found. But I'm sure a lot of people can resonate with this, coming up against some of the ugliest parts of yourselves or some of the more, let's say, unsavory parts of yourself that can be quite difficult to regulate. Right. And I know we've spoken about, like, you know, emotions being indicators and us having a choice as to how we act on our emotions. But I think it's really, really hard when you are in a waiting season to emotionally regulate.

[Renee]

Absolutely.

[C]

They are sometimes very overwhelming. And especially if you haven't felt certain emotions almost chronically.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[C]

I think in other seasons it's easy to feel, like, fear for a moment or anxiety for a moment or comparison for a moment. But oftentimes when you're in a prolonged period of winter, it can almost feel like a lot of the negative emotions that you feel are chronic where they keep on cropping up. You're constantly feeling overwhelmed, you're constantly feeling anxious. You may have relief for a moment, but then, ah, all of a sudden you start that cycle of overthinking. So talk to me a little bit about some of the emotions that you've experienced in the waiting period. And what has the process of emotional regulation in a healthy way looked like for you?

[Renee]

That's such a good question. I think all of the ones you mentioned. Right. Overthinking, anxiety, worry, fear, just genuine sadness, sometimes even depression depending on what the season confronts you with. Grief, loss, like genuinely some of envy, jealousy, like comparison. All of the things that we don't want to think we feel and are really crap to feel.

[C]

Yep.

[Renee]

But you feel that you're a human being. Right. And you are touched with a feeling. Right. I think what has helped me in those seasons to emotionally regulate has been one accepting that yes, it is you who is feeling this feeling.

[C]

Big facts.

[Renee]

Absolutely. Yeah. Sorry to break it, but yes, it is you who is currently having a panic attack. Yes, you are hyperventilating, you know, because it's so easy, especially when you are a high functioning person, to never want to acknowledge these things that you perceive to slow you down or to be a crack or a flaw in your character. Like, like. No, acknowledge that it is you. You are the one. You are the one who is feeling this ugly emotion or who is going through this pain. Right. Like you need to identify that you are the one going through it. Now that you've identified, okay, this is what I'm feeling. And you've identified the emotion as well. I think one, reframing your mind to think, okay, cool. The reason why that this, the reason why this emotion has been highlighted to me is for pruning. It's for actually developing me and changing me in some way. And I think sometimes we resist reality that the best way to, you know, personally develop and glow and grow is for you to identify the parts of you which need to be sharpened a little bit and polished a little bit and refined a little bit. And that's going to come through the inconvenience, the discomfort, the awkwardness of these ugly emotions that you are feeling or these ugly things which you've encountered. Right. And we often run away from things like suffering or patience or grief. We run away from them as a human instinct when actually sometimes we need to lean into them in order to refine who we are as people. Refining doesn't just come from head knowledge. I don't become a patient person because I know the importance and value of patience. No. I become a patient person when something is testing my patients.

[C]

Yes.

[Renee]

And I'm exercising that muscle the same way. You don't become healthy by reading loads of healthy books. You become healthy by going on that walk, getting in your 10k steps, go, going to the gym, changing what's on your plate. Do you get what I mean? It's not about what you know, it's about what you go through and what you put yourself through in order to become healthier or better or stronger. And I think we can often resist the resistance that comes with life and these ugly emotions when actually you have to lean into it in some seasons. And oftentimes it's that resistance and learning to lift that load or contend for. For your own mind and allow yourself to really process things through what I'm about to talk, the steps that I actually take, allowing yourself to process through it, that make you stronger and make you better and also train you to sustain the thing you're hoping for. Because that's what you mentioned. Right. It's not just about attaining, it's about sustaining this next season which you want to move into. It's about sustaining that job promotion or that marriage or that house or whatever that strength to be able to sustain is trained in that moment of resistance.

[C]

Yeah.

[Renee]

And so if you run away from the resistance, you may not have the strength to carry the weight of your blessing. Because we think that blessings are light, they're burdens lifted. Sometimes a blessing is a burden put on and it's a heavy weight to carry. And I'm not saying, obviously the, you know, the Bible talks about how the Lord maketh rich and adds no sorrow and how his burden is light. But also there is something called the weight of responsibility and the weight of the core. And the fact that if you're going to move into a next season, there's going to be responsibility on your back, which is a sensitive and delicate thing to carry. Right. And yes, you are carrying it with God, which we think about. You are carrying. You are carrying it. So then that brings me to the point of emotional regulation as much as it is training is therefore your responsibility.

[C]

Yes.

[Renee]

Right. And so a lot of us put that burden of everyone else needs to deal with my bad attitude, when actually. No, dealing with your bad attitude is your responsibility. Right. Dealing with your perspective on your season is your Responsibility. Sometimes the season doesn't change. You need to change. Your outlook needs to change, your mindset needs to change. And so that is going to people around you to confess to one another what you're going through. And I think there's such a power in confession, which sometimes we don't embrace. And when I say confession, I really mean transparency, honesty, vulnerability, and also communicating that to a third party. One you can write it down in your own journal, pray it out to God and let him know, I'm feeling these things. I don't like that I'm feeling it, but also talk to someone about it. Actually have people in your community you can go to and be like, I'm feeling jealous. I need you to help me. Or, I'm feeling depressed, I need you to help me. And that could be a friend. It could be a family member, it could be a therapist. It can be somebody who can pour into you what you lack right now, which may be hope, which may be joy, which may be the reminder that you need to help you be patient for that next season. So I think surrounding yourself with healthy community, going to things like therapy, praying, and journaling, honestly, really does help you with your emotional regulation as well. And really just identifying that this is your pruning season and so it's not going to be easy, is probably not going to be fun. Like, I'll be completely honest with you. Pruning is never fun. It's not that feeling of loss is never fun, but as long as you can remember. Okay, cool. This is my training season, and this is my training ground. It will help you endure a bit better.

[C]

Yeah.

[Renee]

How about you, though?

[C]

I love that. I love that. I. Man, Courtney, that was beautiful. That was beautiful. And that resonated so much.

[Renee]

You're actually so serious. Thank you.

[C]

Oh, my gosh. It's literally like interviewing like, my hero. Yeah.

[Renee]

Why are you this way? Why are you like that?

[C]

Why you act like that? Like what? Oh, that was beautiful. Because, again, it resonates so much with my experience and a lot of my thoughts on this topic around emotional regulation, but the importance of being honest with you. We are so rarely honest with ourselves, and we often harp on about the fact that vulnerability and transparency to other people is so important, but you will never be able to be truly transparent if you cannot confess to yourself your own problems, if you cannot write, if you cannot say. And this is why prayer is actually so important. Sometimes you have to go and lament to the Lord to go and lament. Let me tell you guys, this Year has been a year for me where I have lamented. Do you know what I mean? Like, I think lament is such a good word. It's almost. It's really given onomatopoeia. Laments. When you say it is like, there is something that's being drawn out of me. There's something that's being released. And I think that one of the most important things in a winter season when you are going through turbulence, is to lament. It's to release. These things will only keep you in a chokehold if you don't release them. It's kind of like doing the Heimlich maneuver for yourself when you're choking. Right. It's like there's something that is stuck in your throat, and if you don't get it out of you, then it will kill you from the inside. So you need to actively either get somebody else. First of all, you need to actually be showing signs that you're choking.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[C]

So that somebody else can actually help you. But sometimes you have to do the Heimlich maneuver on yourself. You need to get whatever it is that is obstructing you, because that's what a lot of these negative emotions do. They obstruct you.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[C]

They are literally a blockage, and you need to drain it. You need to release it. It needs to come out of you, lest it control you. So I love that we talk about emotions as an indicator, but if you don't take sign of that indicator, then if you don't take control of that indicator, that indicator will now control you.

[Renee]

I'm so happy that you illustrated that, because what it brought to mind is, as women, a lot of times we are so preoccupied with how we present that we do not want to show the reality of the fact that we are choking. You know, when you have a cough and something is, like, tickling your throat, and you're like, in order to not disrupt the atmosphere, I'm not going to cough. And so your eyes start watering. You're trying to. In. You're trying to. That thing is choking you out. But you're like. And you can't let it out because of your. You're so preoccupied with your presentation. And often that's because women are not allowed to express themselves with fear of being called at this or that or too problematic or people just cutting you off. It's okay to show that you're choking.

[C]

Yeah.

[Renee]

That's how you get your safe, your savior. Like, that's how you get your. That's how you're Saved like not saved as in, in the religious sense but literally your life is saved. Sometimes, but sometimes because your showing the signs of no, I'm choking like I am. I'm not trying to hold this in. I'm not trying to look all put together. I'm going to make it known to the people around me who have the ability to actually help me that I am currently being choked out by something that's lodged in my throat.

[C]

In my throat.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[C]

And you have. Do you know you have 30 minutes?

[Renee]

30 seconds.

[C]

Do you know? Do you know you have 30 minutes? You know it reminds me of when there is something wrong with a car.

[Renee]

Car.

[C]

Oftentimes the car will let you know that ah, there's an issue, there's some kind of warning sign, there's a light that will happen that will pop up on the dashboard etc, let it run for too long. That car will stop going. Your car will stop going.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[C]

So the first moment that there is an indication of something wrong, the first moment that you perceive a warning sign in the form of a negative emotion, you better pay attention and deal with it before your cast stop.

[Renee]

Absolutely.

[C]

Because your car will stop and then you will have to pay a lot of money, a lot of resourcing to get that fixed. It is okay. Look, it is okay to be anxious.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[C]

It is okay to be worried. It is okay to be fearful. It is okay to be jealous. It is okay to be envious. All of these negative emotions, we need to destigmatize them because they are actual parts of the human experience. It is okay. However, however, however these are not things that should ever rule you.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[C]

You confess them so that they don't control you.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[C]

And I think part of emotional regulation is that secondary piece as well. Taking responsibility and ownership over not just the emotion itself but then your proceeded your subsequent actions. Because too many of us then say oh, you know, I've identified, I've stopped at identifying the emotion but I'm not even self aware to understand that these emotions are now impacting my behavior. There's so many of us that can say oh you know, I'm anxious, I'm fearful, etc and they think that that's the work in of itself. But then your behavior hasn't changed. In fact your behavior is problematic.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[C]

And your excuse is that you're anxious, that you're afraid that you're worrying that you're this. That you're. That nobody is denying the importance of recognizing that you have trauma or you're feeling some type of way but that is not an excuse for you to be misbehaving.

[Renee]

That's not the end of the road.

[C]

No. In fact, that's the beginning of the road. And it means that you have work to do to ensure that you don't interfere with other people as well. Because that's another thing that I want to touch on in a second is how do you navigate winter seasons when it feels like people around you are navigating different seasons that might actually be, you know, completely opposed to you? Right. I think sometimes when we are in a winter season, but we're experiencing at the same time somebody else's summer season or spring season or whatever, because we are in our winter season, it becomes very, very difficult for us to emotionally regulate and then also show up for other people in their seasons.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[C]

This is why it's even more important to make sure that you are doing the work of emotional regulation, of character building. Because if you are only a seasonal friend, if you are only able to show up for people when you are in your summer season, you will find that there is nobody around around for you in your winter season.

[Renee]

When your summer comes, when your.

[C]

Listen, in your winter season, in your summer season, there'll be nobody there to cheer on for you because you were not there for somebody else's season, because you allowed the weightiness, the negativity, and your lack of emotional regulation to bear down on you so much that you literally were not able to support anybody else. So don't be leaking on. Obviously, take care of yourself. But there's so many ramifications of when you don't emotionally regulate. All of a sudden you start projecting. All of a sudden you start making people. In fact, you might even have the power to pull somebody else out of their own season because you haven't done the work of doing emotional regulation. You're there projecting your sadness, you're there projecting your depression. You're there genuinely being a negative Nancy. And one thing about energy is energy can transfer, right? Like whatever energy, whatever character, whatever behaviors that you display, these things can easily be transferred to other people. So I think even when we're, you know, thinking about the people that we love, we're thinking about ourselves. We're thinking about how we can show up for people. It's not just about dealing with yourself for yourself sake, but you're also dealing with yourself because, hey, you're driving a car, but there's passengers in the back. You don't want to end up crashing your car. And then all of a sudden it's not just one casualty, it's maybe like three or four casualties. You might even end up hitting somebody on the way there. But I think that's a perfect segue to talking about the mismatch of seasons. Right. You are going through your winter season, but your friend is. She is in flipping, I don't know, Greece.

[Renee]

Yeah, she's in Ibiza.

[C]

She's an Ibiza. Or she's in one of those countries where they don't even get winter like that. They ain't never seen snow facts. They ain't never seen snow. Or your friend is even coming out of their winter season or whatever. How does one deal with effect effectively their own season whilst showing up for a friend or a sister or somebody else that they love in their sunshine?

[Renee]

Yeah, that's such a good question. I think one identifying that winter seasons aren't punishment. And I think a lot of us, because we associate winter with so much loss, we think that winter seasons are a punishment for something. Or our friends are being rewarded with their summer and we haven't done everything, everything we need to do in order to transition from our winter to our summer. I think the beautiful thing about natural seasons is it's not about how you. We can do everything right. Winter is not going to change to spring just because you deserve it. It will pass when it passes. You get what I mean? It will take up its time and then it will transition into spring. You may not even know the day that spring comes. Boy, all you know is you look at your phone, all the clocks are going back. Do you mean all the clocks are going forward? And it's like, yay, fantastic. The seasons are changing, but you didn't know the day that it would change. So it's about allowing ourselves to perceive that winters are not just punishment seasons. They're not just consequence seasons. They are seasons that are actually integral to the life cycle of your life.

[C]

That's good.

[Renee]

So if you appreciate that this season also has its beauty and you refrain, you reframe your perception to be like, I know my friend is in their summer season, but also I'm in my winter season, which means there are things that I should be applying myself, myself, myself to. There are things which I should be experiencing and doing which can also be beautiful for my own personal experience.

[C]

Yeah.

[Renee]

The next thing is them being in their summer season, like I said, is not a reward. Therefore you shouldn't necessarily be envious or be thinking, oh, how do I become more like you so that I can embrace my summer too. No, you're in your season, and they're in their season season. And that's okay. I think showing up for your friend in their summer season, though, can be difficult when you're prepared for winter. Right. When you are wearing a heavy jacket and you're doing that deep work, it can be hard to, like, step out into the sunshine and not feel like you're burning. Boy, you know, let's be honest. So I think, one, it's also genuine communication around what it is you can and can't do.

[C]

Yeah.

[Renee]

In a mismatch season with your friend. So, for example, if I am going through a loss or a breakup, I should also be able to invite my friend who's going through a summer, maybe she just got engaged, she's getting married, whatever, into my winter so that she can be a support to me. And also that can help her feel some kind of. It can help her get some context as to why maybe I cannot fully immerse myself in her summer season. Right. But vice versa, I should also be able to step into her season and be like, whatever I can give, let me actually give it. Because no matter what season we're in, we're still sisters.

[C]

Correct.

[Renee]

And I think holding onto that love and that friendship which lasts the test of time, that's what it really means. Right. No matter where you are and no matter where I am, we have a thing between us called love, which transcends seasons, which can transcend time times. And I. I think extending that to your sister means that sometimes you do have to push yourself to do something that feels a little bit uncomfortable, but let that discomfort be comforted by the love you feel for your sister. Right. Like, I know I love Renee. So as much as on a personal level, I may not want to go out right now, I do know I love my friend. And I know that once I enter my summer season, the one thing I will not want to remember is that I missed her summer.

[C]

Yep.

[Renee]

Right. And so holding onto as well, that fear of, oh, I don't want us to. Because seasons do change. And once they change, though, the memories will still be there. So I will remember now that you're, oh, girl, let's go out. I will always remember that you weren't there for me when I'll say, girl, let's go out. Right. But I do think there's a way to effectively communicate why sometimes you may not be as available. So, like, girl, I'm currently going through it, or maybe I need to save money. Like, I don't have as much Money as I used to have before. Honest and not defensive, but just honest about where you're at. And also receiving. When a sister wants to share her warmth with you, then, you know, it may be, okay, well, let me pay for you so that you can enjoy this season with me. Right. And receiving that warmth that's coming from her summer season into your winter season and allowing her to love you in that way and being ready to do that if the seasons ever change in the opposite direction as well. And also preparing for when the seasons may change in the opposite direction. So when your sister is going through her winter and you're in your summer, can you extend the warmth of your summer to her? So, for example, if your friend has just had a baby and she's dealing with hormonal changes and the fact that her reality has changed, she now has another person to take care of. That's a, that's a. Not a burden, but that's a financial responsibility. That's an emotional responsibility. She may not have the time she used to have before. When you are in your single season and you're like, yeah, I just got that promotion and, oh, my God, I'm living single and I'm on the 80k a year, can you extend some of that warmth to your sister who may be struggling?

[C]

Yeah.

[Renee]

You know, even though she's obtained a blessing, it might feel like a winter. You may perceive it as a summer, but to her, it may feel like a lonely winter. You know, it may feel like, oh, this is a stripping season for real. Right. And so can you extend some of that warmth towards her as well and be like, you know what, I got more money now. Let me try and buy some of these things on your baby shower list. Or, you know, I've got more time, let me take care of your baby, you know, while I'm working from home on my salary so that you can go and have a shower and wash your hair. It could just be an exchange of the warmth that you have into her season as well. And really seeing like, okay, what's up? My decision disposal in this season that I'm in, how can I honestly communicate? How can I also be compassionate? Because I know the coldness of winter. So even though I'm in my summer and my friend is in their winter, I can't be so angry that maybe they don't want to step outside all of these kind of things. I think it's just genuinely allowing friendship, beautiful friendship to be shown and displayed in those differences.

[C]

Those are, oh, that's so so beautiful. As you were speaking, the word that really came to mind for me was sacrifice. To love is to sacrifice.

[Renee]

That's good.

[C]

And being and dwelling in different seasons requires different types of sacrifices. I love that you used the expression of extending warmth. Because summertime is often seen as a time of abundance, and that is the time that most people are, you know, collecting for a winter up ahead.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[C]

So if you do have abundance and, you know, somebody has experienced a winter, this is your time to share your abundance with that person. And I think oftentimes we get that sharing of the abundance slightly wrong. We kind of feel like, oh, almost entitled to. Obviously, everyone wants to be supported by their friends, but we almost feel entitled to a very specific response from people that may be going through their winter season, when really we really should be thinking about ways that we can almost sacrifice or give, especially when we are in a place of abundance. And then on behalf of or thinking about some of the sisters in their winter season, there is still things that you can sacrifice or there are still. It may be slightly smaller, but you have prepared for this winter. You do have some rations, and perhaps this is the time to maybe give off one of your rations, you know, support in some way and sacrifice. Because sacrifice, I think, is at the backbone, is the backbone of so many different relationships. And I think, think just in general, we often think about sacrificing, like romantic relationships, but bringing back the importance of sacrificing friendships as well, and thinking about, what are the ways that I can sacrifice for my friend today or tomorrow, especially when their bank balance is running low, emotionally, mentally, physically in the realm because, you know, cast a living crisis, you know, and if you're able to cover your sister in a time of abundance, then that's something that we really should prioritize because so many of us are in lack. And I think even sisters that may be in a different season, but a different stage of that season. Right. So you may be coming to the end of your winter season, and your sister is literally just entering it. Maybe this is your time to offer some help and some counseling, some support to help her get through that season. Especially because now that you can see there's light at the end of the tunnel, Perhaps now that you can see the light, it's your opportunity to be the light that your sister can now see coming through just at the beginning.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[C]

Well, that was really poignant.

[Renee]

Yeah. Yeah. Why not?

[C]

That was really poignant.

[Renee]

Yeah. I think everyone's going through some kind of season shift at the moment or at Least desiring one. And I think these kind of conversations are really important to have from the perspective of female friendship, because there's something so beautiful about having someone there to almost be a midwife as you enter into a new season and give birth to a new season. And whether it's gonna be a challenge or a blessing or whatever, just seeing it as, okay, how can I be there for my sister as she transitions from one stage of her life to the next or one stage of the year to the next? So just allowing ourselves to have that perspective of not just how can I be helped, but how can I help?

[C]

Wow. Well, I think that's actually a beautiful segue into our. Ding, ding, ding, ding. Let's hope that we'll be able to support. Hey, sisters. I'll try my best to keep this dilemma short.

[Renee]

Okay.

[C]

I broke up with this guy a little over four years ago. The reason we broke up was because. The reason that we broke up was because he stole my friend nude picture from my Snapchat.

[Renee]

Oh, my days. What is going on?

[C]

I. Yeah. Yeah. And when I confronted him at the time, he was being very avoidant and I just couldn't. So I left him. In the four years that we have been apart, he spent a lot of time apologizing for his actions. And I believe that he is sorry. He. And I believe that he is sorry because I have not made it easy for him. Fast forward to present times. He is still expressing his feet feelings of wanting to be in my life for a long time. In his words, he loves me to death, but he is scared of being in a relationship right now because he cannot provide for me in the way he knows I should be provided for. And I genuinely don't know what to do. I mean, I want to be with someone that loves me to death, but I also want to be with someone that can provide for me. Please help with love, your junior sis from Nigeria.

[Renee]

I don't understand where the dilemma is.

[C]

Yeah.

[Renee]

Situation. This, this. This man is not. Not really given anything that you want. So let's be honest.

[C]

But she wants to be loved to death.

[Renee]

Yeah, but that's not the guy. You can do it. And also, what he did was a horrendous crime.

[C]

I'm glad you said horrendous, because literally.

[Renee]

That'S a criminal offense.

[C]

That's the first word that came to mind.

[Renee]

That is a criminal offense. And I know people can change, but.

[C]

Hey, God, also, stealing your friend's nude is so mad.

[Renee]

That's why it's a crime.

[C]

But Also your friend.

[Renee]

Anyway. I don't. Yeah. Genuinely. I'm not even being funny. If this guy can't provide for you like you want. You're the one who's saying that you want. Provision. If this guy can't provide for you like you want, if he's done a criminal offense and a criminal act to your friend. I don't. I don't know if you're still friends with that babe, but if that was my friend. If you were my friend and you got back with your ex who stole a new picture of me.

[C]

Tatters.

[Renee]

Ah, Tatters in every way. Hey. Tatters. Ripping you to sh. Also, this friendship is done. This friendship is done. I. So I don't understand what this. I want someone who can love me to death. I don't know. Is the dilemma. Should I take him back? No. Be on your merry way. You've. You've dodged a bullet.

[C]

Wrap it up.

[Renee]

And something that happened four years ago. You want to resurrect it, my dear. Let go. Put yourself in your own file.

[C]

Wrap it up. Tie a bow.

[Renee]

Yeah. There's no dilemma here. Really and truly. I hope that this was a cathartic experience. At least you wrote it and you said it.

[C]

But we've been talking about release.

[Renee]

Yeah. Maybe you just needed to release it. But this is not something to go back to shackles.

[C]

Absolutely not. And I'm sure people can change over four years. And I wish that man all the best in his repentance arc. May that. May that not find you.

[Renee]

Move on.

[C]

That's crazy.

[Renee]

Move on.

[C]

Stealing your friend's nude from your own phone is also crazy. Also, girl, why you got your friends dudes on there like that? Do you know what I mean? Just making friends.

[Renee]

That's a really good question, actually. That's very interesting.

[C]

Like, y'all got your friends dudes on your sisterhood.

[Renee]

I guess.

[C]

There you go. She couldn't.

[Renee]

Yeah. Gel pins.

[C]

You know what I mean? It was like a mental.

[Renee]

Literally, girl. Immediately.

[C]

Immediately, immediately. Yeah, we know. It's okay.

[Renee]

Sometimes you just need your friend to be like, it's good. You know? Not that we do that. No, no, no, no.

[C]

But these kind of things always make me. It always reminds me of that time that we were at Jackie's birthday.

[Renee]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

And we went to Morocco, I believe. And we went to go and do a massage in those little. Yeah. Little hamam. Little did we know. Slash did not realize we had to be completely naked. I mean, naked naked. As in front and back. Up and down. Naked wigs. Off just newborn baby naked in front of each other. After that, I was like, it's locked in now.

[Renee]

Absolutely. Friendship can't end now.

[C]

You've literally seen mental memories.

[Renee]

Literally. See, that's great. No, no, no, no, no. Let's be serious. Let's be serious.

[C]

Anywho, this is not a suggestion that you need to see your friend naked to facilitate intimacy. Intimacy can be, you know, it facilitated in many different ways. But sisters, we hope that you enjoyed this episode. It is so lovely to sit on this couch and such a privilege to be able to not only speak to you guys about embracing seasons, but also share some beautiful seasons with you guys in real time. So thank you guys so much for your love, your support, not just for tms, but also for my dear sister Courtney. We love and appreciate you guys so, so much. And please, please, please continue to support us because as mentioned at the beginning of this podcast episode, we've got so much in store for you guys. We are literally just get like when I say, just getting started. There's so many things that we dropped at the live show actually that we are yet to drop on the airways. Coming soon, coming soon. So keep your eyes peeled, lots of announcements, but we are praying into this week ahead for you guys as you are navigating whatever season that you're in. We pray that you will navigate it with peace and favor. And we also pray that the community that you have around you will help you to keep you warm, especially if you are in a winter season. But ladies, please, please, please come and follow us over on the social medias for everything. And then of course you can come follow my wonderful, my excellent, my fantastic, engaged bestie at CD Barteng on all platforms. And of course you can come and follow me over at.

[Renee]

We love to see it. Sign up to the mailing list on our brand new website, website Refresh Gu. Check it out to my com, okay. And you might see a cheeky button there that allows you to join the sisterhood. I'm just saying click the button and you'll see we're currently testing out something new and if you want to be amongst the first to help us refine it, test it, shape it. Yeah, join the sisterhood. That's what I'm going to say. Just go to to my sisters dot com, you'll see what I'm talking about. Any who's sisters, we love you. We hope that you did enjoy this episode and we will see you next week for the next one. With all due respect, we just want you to have a great week. Okay, so, as always, keep glowing and growing.

[Courtney]

You know, as a busy mom, there are lots of ways you can help yourself fall asleep. You could stare blankly at the ceiling and replay every conversation you've ever had. Count sheep, have a debate with your pillow, give up caffeine, try acupuncture and buy a weighted blanket that will make you sweat profusely. Or you could try some milk, which has nutrients that support healthy sleep. Visit gonnaneedmilk.com for more info. And for everyone's sake, please don't give up caffeine.