Is Social Media Ruining Relationships? Proposing To Your Man, Sassy Men & The Hypervisibility Trap

Summary

To My Sisters Podcast: "Is Social Media Ruining Relationships? Proposing To Your Man, Sassy Men & The Hypervisibility Trap" (May 31, 2026)

Episode Overview

In this rich and thought-provoking episode, Courtney Daniella and Renée tackle a collection of interlinked topics at the intersection of modern relationships and digital culture. They discuss the evolving gender norms around proposals, the viral phenomenon of the "sassy man," and—front and center—the complicated effects of social media and hypervisibility on self-image, relationships, and fulfillment. Drawing on listener dilemmas, viral online moments, and their own candid experiences, the hosts explore how online culture both reflects and distorts our relationship dynamics, self-worth, and ambitions.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Listener Dilemma: Navigating Age Gaps and Growth in Relationships

[03:31 – 11:35]

• Situation: A 21-year-old woman starts a relationship with a man nine years older. She’s drawn to his kindness and maturity, but fears the implications of being at different life stages.
• Courtney's Advice: Emphasizes the importance of community and accountability (“having some kind of accountability or community around you is really key here” [05:08]). Warns of susceptibility to manipulation when younger, urges taking input from older, non-judgmental people. Encourages self-reflection: “Figure out, what do I want? What do I want this relationship to look like? How do I want to be loved?” [07:52]
• Renee's Perspective: Echoes the importance of community (“one of the fundamental tactics of a predator is to isolate”), advises against making the relationship her whole identity, encourages balance of relationship and self-development [09:00].
• Both hosts stress proceeding with caution, not self-sabotaging out of fear, and making space for growth, fun, and self-exploration.

Notable Quote:
“Just because you're young doesn't mean that you do not have valid contributions and you have the most valid contribution for how you build your life.”
— Courtney [08:18]

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2. Proposing to Your Man: Shifting Gender Norms & Viral Backlash

[12:10 – 19:33]

• Context: A woman’s TikTok mini-series about proposing to her boyfriend of 14 years sparked intense discussion and criticism online.
• Initial Reactions:
  • Courtney: Questions the underlying relationship dynamics—"Dang. You've been with this man for a really long time and if he hasn't proposed to you, then does he really want to marry you?" [00:37, repeated at 14:05]
  • Both hosts express empathy, but also concern about women compromising on their desires for the sake of moving a relationship forward. Questions about being "wooed" and roles in relationships arise.
• Deeper Reflection:
  • Renée highlights the complexity, cautioning against being judgmental (especially online), but pointing out the collective longing for women to be pursued and not to settle for less than they desire [16:14-18:16].
  • The hosts explore whether taking the initiative disturbs traditional dynamics, and what precedence it sets for future relationship patterns.

Notable Quote:
"If you start, you'll always be leading… If you start it this way, it will always be down to you to take the initiative."
— Courtney [18:29]

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3. The “Sassy Man Apocalypse”: Gender Role Inversions Online

[19:33 – 27:09]

• Definition: Renee defines "sassy men" as men adopting traditionally feminine roles or behaviors in relationships, sometimes as a reaction to women's social and economic empowerment [19:43, 20:55].
• Sociocultural Observations:
  • Women are seen increasingly as empowered, self-sufficient, and less tied to marriage as a validation of worth [20:06-20:55].
  • Some men respond by exhibiting passivity or expecting to be wooed, leading to caricatures of "sassy men."
  • Questions arise about social media’s role in amplifying these narratives, with Renée asking, “To what extent do we also need to give men the capacity to take on traditionally feminine traits?” [24:07]

Notable Quotes:
“The sassy man is somewhat a projection of negative femininity onto men.”
— Renee [23:27]

“If your response to women's empowerment is passivity, my, my good sir, you will be left behind.”
— Renee [25:09]

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4. Hypervisibility and the Trap of Social Media Influence

[33:06 – 54:52]

• Performance vs. Authenticity: Both hosts discuss the pressures of sharing relationships (or any part of one's life) online, noting how outside voices—often strangers—can override personal needs and clarity.
• Mental & Emotional Health: They warn of the risk of absorbing other people's fears, frustrations, and opinions and how these can sabotage one's relationships or self-image (“the Internet will disciple you… mentor you” [42:48]).
• Comparison & Paranoia:
  • Courtney: “Social media makes you internalize that what you are and who you are that you cannot change is a problem. Take a step back.” [52:10]
  • They discuss how seeing others’ experiences of betrayal or disappointment online can breed distrust and paranoia in one’s own healthy relationships [52:38].
• Counsel & Objectivity: The hosts recommend regularly seeking diverse, real-life counsel to counter the echo chambers and confirmation bias generated by online content [54:22].

Notable Quotes:
“If you cannot g check it at a U level, it's going to affect the relationship.”
— Courtney [60:29]

“Many relationships are hindered and held back by the fact that they're carrying something that cannot allow them to get to where they need to be. So throw it out, throw it out, throw it out.”
— Courtney [63:43]

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5. The Value & Peril of Visibility (in Career, Relationships, and Life)

[64:37 – 104:30]

• The Buzzword “Visibility”: The hosts reflect on the cultural moment where “visibility” is seen as a currency, especially for career and personal brand. They urge listeners to go beyond just seeking to be seen, questioning what lies beneath visibility—“visibility without value is the enemy of longevity.” [74:49]
• Prioritizing Value Creation: Developing your skills, character, and integrity (offline, in private) is essential so that when visibility arrives, it's sustainable and rewarding [75:14 – 86:23].
  • Example: Courtney shares, “If what becomes visible has no value, no one's coming back. You don't get that opportunity again.” [75:13]
• Positioning Above Quantity: Quality of audience and purpose-driven visibility matter more than chasing large followings [81:42].
• Boundaries & Protection: Visibility makes one vulnerable—to judgment, criticism, and potential harm. Without strong boundaries and self-awareness, visibility can be detrimental [85:10].
• Seasons of Preparation: Both stress the necessity of practicing and growing away from the public eye, and being honest about when it is (or isn’t) your “season” for visibility [100:07].

Notable Quotes:
“Visibility is the resource for what you need. So now that you have this visibility… it's positioning for you to ask and get what you need. It's leverage.”
— Courtney [84:26]

“If you live by the applause of people, you will die by their criticism.”
— Renee [98:03]

“Preparation doesn't have an audience. We validate performance, not practice.”
— Courtney [95:12]

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6. Takeaways on Digital Life, Authenticity, and Sisterhood

[104:30 – end]

• Practice and Boundaries: Not every invitation to be seen should be accepted; not every private moment should go public.
• Offline as Luxury: Building a vibrant offline life grounds ambition, self-worth, and relationships more than online validation ever can [88:02].
• Community and Support: Surrounding oneself with real-life, purpose-driven community is vital. Both hosts champion balancing authenticity, discernment, and growth—especially for women and anyone navigating today's hyper-connected world.

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Notable Quotes and Moments (with Timestamps)

• On Validity and Confidence:
  • "Just because you're young doesn't mean you do not have valid contributions…” (Courtney, [08:18])
• On Traditional Proposals:
  • “If you start, you'll always be leading.” (Courtney, [18:29])
• On Social Media’s Effects:
  • “Social media makes you internalize that what you are and who you are that you cannot change is a problem. Take a step back.” (Courtney, [52:10])
• On Boundaries and Visibility:
  • "Visibility without value is the enemy of longevity." (Courtney, [74:49])
  • “Preparation doesn't have an audience. We validate performance, not practice.” (Courtney, [95:12])
• On the Weight of Visibility:
  • “If you live by the applause of people, you will die by their criticism.” (Renée, [98:03])
• On Discernment & Timing:
  • “Tell yourself, not now… If you are still on this earth, and you still possess your craft and talent and God has told you not now, it's because he has a time when it will be now.” (Courtney, [102:10])

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Segment Timestamps (Key Sections)

• Dilemma: Age gap relationship – [03:31 – 11:39]
• Viral: Proposing to your boyfriend – [12:10 – 19:33]
• Sassy Man/Social Gender Roles – [19:33 – 27:09]
• Hypervisibility/Influence of Social Media – [33:06 – 54:52]
• Navigating & Harnessing Visibility – [64:37 – 104:30]

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Tone, Language, and Notable Style Elements

• Warm, sisterly, and empathetic—the hosts use inclusive, validating language and humor.
• Excursions into spirituality and practical morality (references to the Bible and faith).
• Unafraid to be candid about their own doubts, missteps, and lessons learned.
• Rich use of analogies (e.g., “content is like a party in your house with gatecrashers,” “visibility is a magnifying glass”).
• Repeated calls for discernment, self-reflection, and seeking genuine community offline.

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For Listeners Who Haven't Tuned In

This episode is a masterclass in both the celebration and critique of womanhood, relationships, ambition, and digital life in 2026. Courtney and Renée weave together heartfelt advice, social commentary, and dynamic analogies to help listeners navigate the pitfalls and potential of modern visibility—both on and offline. Whether you’re navigating an unconventional relationship, questioning social media’s impact on your life, or simply seeking inspiration to balance ambition with authenticity, “To My Sisters” delivers with both rigor and warmth.

Transcript

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[Renee Kafuku]

proposing to your boyfriend of 14 years.

[Courtney Boateng]

Dang. You've been with this man for a really long time and if he hasn't proposed to you, then does he really want to marry you?

[Renee Kafuku]

Like men who are taking up the role of the traditional role of women, that's your life, the Sassy man is almost a response to the empowered women.

[Courtney Boateng]

Have the dynamics changed so much that now the women are doing the pursuing and no longer being pursuing?

[Renee Kafuku]

The Sassy man is somewhat a projection of negative femininity onto men.

[Courtney Boateng]

If you don't actually have a vision for where you're going, visibility is irrelevant

[Renee Kafuku]

because I think especially now more than ever before, people are seeing visibility as a chance to perform right.

[Courtney Boateng]

I want to be considered first amongst my equals.

[Renee Kafuku]

Oh yeah, I need to be outside giving value. But you just got here. Wait for your now.

[Courtney Boateng]

Wait for your now. Hello and welcome to the To My Sisters Podcast. I'm Courtney.

[Renee Kafuku]

And I'm Renee and we are your online sisters and hosts of the 2 My Sisters podcast.

[Courtney Boateng]

We are all about promoting the wellness, growth and development of a community of sisters around the world.

[Renee Kafuku]

And in today's podcast episode we are going to be talking about being proposed to after 14 years.

[Courtney Boateng]

The reality posing to your boyfriend.

[Renee Kafuku]

Oh my God. You see the way my brain didn't even register? Didn't even allow me to register. Oh my gosh. Proposing to your boyfriend of 14 years how social media and hypervisibility ruins your relationships.

[Courtney Boateng]

Crazy.

[Renee Kafuku]

But yeah. Do we have any key updates? Anything that we want to share? Any housekeeping?

[Courtney Boateng]

Keep your eyes peeled. Because as a community, if you don't know what we do around here, alongside having a podcast where we talk about women's wellness, their growth and their development, we're also a big community. We're a big sisterhood community and we host events different parts of the world. We host retreats, we have a book and we do different activations around that. Workshops just to help women do better, feel better with their girls. And this year we have bigger and better plans for bringing women together. Live events but also activity based things from health related stuff to entertainment related stuff. And we cannot wait to bring that to you all wherever you are in the world. And so if you want to stay keyed in, it's important for you to stay in the loop of the community. And sometimes you don't get around to listening to every podcast, but we do send you updates straight to your inbox. So if you want to sign up to our newsletter, you should. You just need to go to our website www.to my sisters.com and you can sign up just using your email and we will send you all the updates, all the invitations, and sometimes even early access to make sure that you are there when we meet up and you get to meet us. But you get to meet our sisters too.

[Renee Kafuku]

But yeah, is that. That's it?

[Courtney Boateng]

Yeah.

[Renee Kafuku]

Okay, sweet. I guess we can go straight into the dilemma then. So. Oh, feels so good to be coming back and answering some PR problems.

[Courtney Boateng]

Let's do it.

[Renee Kafuku]

Get ready sisters, for the ding ding ding dilemma. Let's get into it. Dear Sisters, thank you for this podcast and the sisterhood it has created. God bless you both abundantly. I'm writing because I find myself in a situation that feels new, beautiful, and a little confusing. I recently started university and met a man nine years older at a church concert. From the start, there was an unexpected connection. Not just attraction, but a sense of calm, safety, and truly being seen.

[Courtney Boateng]

Okay.

[Renee Kafuku]

We've spent a long time talking and meeting up, and every interaction feels natural, respectful and emotionally grounded. We share faith, values and cultural background, and our conversations go beyond the surface. He listens, encourages me, and treats me with a gentleness I've never experienced.

[Courtney Boateng]

Nice.

[Renee Kafuku]

Here's my dilemma. I genuinely want to continue to get to know him, but I'm very aware of our different life stages. I'm just beginning adulthood, university, and independence. While he may be closer to settling down, I don't want to lead him on, grow attached in an unwise way, or hurt either of us. At the same time, I don't want to retreat out of fear. This feels like my first experience of a healthy, mutual, respectful connection. And I don't want to lose myself or my focus. But I also don't want to deny something real simply because it's new and a little scary. Help.

[Courtney Boateng]

Wow, that is a good dilemma. Thank you so much for writing insys and sending your email. I 9 years is a big gap. Like 9 years is a big gap no matter what age you kind of are. And so looking at the stage you're at 21 you're just in undergrad, you're just finishing or around that stage and you're dating someone who is 30, honestly, I would hesitate to be like, oh, Ron, red flags, red flags. I mean, everyone's love story pans out differently. Everyone's journey pans out differently. This could end up being a fantastic experience for you. However, I think in order to ensure that it is a fantastic experience for you and a safe experience for you, I think having some kind of accountability or community around you is really key here. And I know it will sound really cliche, but you're dealing with somebody who has a lot more life experience than you. And sometimes if you do not have the life experience yourself, you should surround yourself with people with the life experience. I think there is such safety in wise counsel and a multitude of counsel around you. So if this person is comfortable too, and if you get to that stage of maybe discussing the serious things that he may be thinking about at this stage of life, it will be worth having accountability around you both. But even before you get to that stage, having accountability and community around you, people who you discuss things that are happening in this talking stage or in this relationship with, with like friends, older siblings, older cousins, mentors, whoever. It may be just older people around you who you can say, hey, like I'm, I'm talking to this guy, he's 30, but we have a lot in common or we have similar goals or we have common interests, whatever it may be. And I like him and he seems to like me. Is it all right if we just chat about this from time to time? Right. And make sure that person is non judgmental, but just willing to hear and give you advice and also open up your heart to hear from, from someone who may be able to spot things which you cannot spot because you are in it. Right? And maybe you've got rose tinted glasses on and you like this person. I think there is higher susceptibility to things like manipulation when you are that young and somebody so much older than you who kind of got their ish together is telling you we should do this or we should be this or life should look like this. And maybe you haven't necessarily figured out exactly what you want, or maybe your, your desires are being influen by their desires. And I think having that awareness will propel you to decide, okay, what do I actually want in a relationship? What do I want for my future? And then when you're having discussions with this guy around maybe settling down or building a future together, you know that he's aligning with what you desire as well. And you're not just fitting into his picture of life because you're a person and you have your desires as well. And you don't want to get to 28 and realize you've been building something with someone you don't want.

[Renee Kafuku]

That would be the worst.

[Courtney Boateng]

That would be the worst. And that would be a big waste of your 20s. And so I would highly recommend sit down with yourself and just figure out, what do I want? What do I want this relationship to look like? How do I want to be loved? How do I want to love? How do I want to show up and then have those conversations with him and be very bold and be very confident. Just because you're young doesn't mean that you do not have valid contributions and you have the most valid contribution for how you build your life.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

So I would say go in with that confidence in how you. In how you have conversations with him and then pay attention to his behavior as well. And if you can't spot whether something is a red flag or something is a green flag or whether it's amber, then just take it to someone. Take it to someone and be like, hey, this is what's happening.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

And can you give me your insight, your opinion? It could be a parent as well, if you're close to your parents. Yeah, that's what I would say. If this was my little sister, I think that's what I would say.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

That there's no problem with it per se, even though I'd be a bit scared. But if you feel like there's something there that you like and he likes you and he's treating you well, then I guess pursue with caution. But continue. Continue. Yeah. How about you? What would you say?

[Renee Kafuku]

I think you hit the nail on the head. Personally. I think there doesn't sound to be any red flags at the moment. But I love what you were saying about, you know, trying to find some sense of accountability from other people around you, especially those that may be more experienced in relationships. Just making sure that you have your community around you. Because often when there is, not to say that everybody that has a big age gap is working with someone that's predatory. But one of the fundamental tactics of a predator is to isolate. So I think not to say that your man is a predator, but to cushion yourself against any potential nasties. So I think just making sure that you have community around you is very, very important. I think also making sure that this doesn't become your whole life or identity or whatever. I think because you are so young, there's still so many iterations of yourself you will probably go through. And so not as beautiful as it is to be in a relationship, this is also a wonderful time to really figure out who are you as a person. Who do you want to be going through the motions, making sure that this doesn't become your entire identity. So continue to go out with friends, continue to develop your hobbies, continue to be the girl that is pursuing herself as well as pursuing a relationship and making sure that this doesn't become so integral to your. So integral to your sense of self that you don't imagine a self outside of the relationship. So yeah, I think very similarly, I'm thinking about my younger sisters. Proceed with caution. I will be side eyeing him a little bit and I'll be looking at him funny. But to be fair, I'll be looking at any man funny that's interested in the hand of my sister because I'm trying to see if you, you shady or not. But proceed with caution. He sounds like a really great guy. And there's no problem with taking your time as well at this particular stage of your life. You are young. Go be young, fun, hip and fly and do all the things with all the trimmings and all that kind of good stuff. But there's no, no need to self sabotage at this point. This relationship, just get great community, make sure that you're still living for yourself and take your time and things unfold. Hey, yeah. There's not to say that, yeah, not to pathologize women for being naturally more mature or whatever, but even from reading the Dilemma, I was like, oh, sis, you sound very, very articulate. I love the way that you, you know, communicated there. So hey, if it works, it works. If there is a sense of shared maturity, if there is a sense of, you know, shared connection, then go for it. But take your time, see where it develops. Make sure you're developing yourself and have fun.

[Courtney Boateng]

Have fun, man. Yeah, have fun. Have fun. Safe fun, good fun.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

Safe, healthy fun.

[Renee Kafuku]

Sounding like, stay safe, stay safe in these streets. But sisters, we would love to hear your thoughts on the dilemma. As ever. Do any of you sisters have any experience with age gap but also stage gap relationships? And do you have any words of wisdom that you can share with our sister? Please comment like it's hot down below in the YouTube YouTube comments or come over on Spotify and leave something for a sister to see.

[Courtney Boateng]

Love.

[Renee Kafuku]

But now, diving into the meat and bones of the conversation, the Topic at hand, proposing to your boyfriend of 14.

[Courtney Boateng]

Yeah. Yes.

[Renee Kafuku]

So to add context to sisters that may be bemused, befuddled, and perhaps concerned there was a content creator or an individual. It doesn't necessarily have to be a content creator, but there was a lady who recently came on TikTok and she shared a miniseries of her preparing to propose to her boyfriend of 14 years. And so the mini. The miniseries followed her, justifying why she decided to propose to her boyfriend and then going through the motions of picking out the ring, setting up the environment, and then eventually proposing to her boyfriend of 14 years. Now, this sparked a lot of backlash, but also a lot of commentary on social media around men and women's roles. The advent of the, quote, sassy man apocalypse and various other. This commentary on people's relationships and whatnot. We're thinking about this a little bit differently and we are situating it, situating it more broadly in the context of visibility of relationships and the almost need to share about our relationships, about relationship status, about some of our plans and all of that kind of good stuff and whether this visibility can contribute to either the progression or the demise of a relationship.

[Courtney Boateng]

Yeah.

[Renee Kafuku]

So I kind of want to start with the example at hand. Our lovely lady, our lovely good sis who went and decided to propose to her boyfriend. Courtney.

[Courtney Boateng]

Yeah.

[Renee Kafuku]

What was your reaction? But also, why do you think that it sparked such a backlash online?

[Courtney Boateng]

I think first of all, it sparked a backlash because something you still don't see a lot.

[Renee Kafuku]

Right.

[Courtney Boateng]

And also in the state of where we are in digital culture, like with, I believe maybe Shantae's article and the Vogue article, is it embarrassing to have a boyfriend? Came out just before them. So it's just like, I think the state of where we are culturally. Yeah. Is people are side eyeing relationships in general. People are side eyeing marriage in general. People are side eyeing men. And then for you to put that, hey, I'm going to propose to a man as societally or socially unconventional as that is, was like a big girl, do not add more fuel to the fire. Doesn't make any sense. And I think a lot. I definitely was one of the people who, in my head, I didn't comment or anything like that. And I think we can get more into that. But in my head, I was thinking, dang, you've been with this man for a really long time, and if he hasn't proposed to you, then does he really want to marry you? Like, and. And also, does he really want marriage? Fundamentally, he might want to be with you Right. But maybe he doesn't want marriage. So then you putting it forward. And I think her such a lovely lady, but her being like, you know, we've been talking about it. And I was like, so then why can't you just wait? So then why can't you wait for him to do it? But I think it bleeds into. And I think that's why it's great to have this conversation about, like, sassy men and all these different rhetorics and narratives that are existing right now. Line. I think it bleeds into. What do we believe about gender roles? What do we believe about a man's place in a relationship, a woman's responsibilities in a relationship? And I think whilst our, our generation is having a lot of conversations around what does it mean and who gets to do this and who gets to do that? I do think that for myself and a lot of other people, we do hold strong certain things around. He should be the one to propose because it means something. You know, that initiation means something. And I think that's why a lot of people were like, what are you doing? Like, it feels desperate or it feels just so out of the blue and just on just unhelpful, like it just. I don't know how to put it. It just feels so strange.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

And I think it, it feels like, oh, I want more for this woman. And I think that's one of the core things that makes people comment. I think one, there are the meanness of why would you do that? And I think that's why I always hesitate to comment on people's thing. Because that's your life. That's your life. I was at home enjoying Christmas. Honestly, that is actually your life. And if this is what you feel like is going to make you happy, I feel like everyone has the right to make their choices and their mistakes. Yeah. Everyone has a right.

[Renee Kafuku]

Go ahead.

[Courtney Boateng]

Whether it's right or you do.

[Renee Kafuku]

Go ahead.

[Courtney Boateng]

If you have not welcomed in my counsel, I will not give it to you. I won't, I won't. That's none of my business. Right. But I think why a lot of women were like, I think there's a deep desire for you, for more for a particular person.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

Where it's like, but I. I want you to be wooed, I want you to be pursued, I want you to get the. And maybe not every woman wants that. And maybe that's the assumption that we carry. But I do think that a lot of women want the proposal. Right. If you're thinking about marriage with your Partner, you want the proposal. And for a woman to not get that, you're kind of like, is this love a love you deserve? Is this that love that you really want?

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

Is this just a compromise? And I think a lot of women see women compromising relationships online and are just like, why would you do that? And sometimes it's easier to say, why? And ask why? And be like, I wouldn't stand for that behind the screen. And I think there is a lot of empathy that needs to be added for the person who's living it. Right. Like, this is the person I've been with for a really long time.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

And if he's not making the move, and I believe they have children together and stuff like that, if he's not making the move, of what am I gonna do? Just pick up and leave? Like, let me just. Let me help this ball roll. And I think for a lot of women, they do step into that natural. Let me take the initiative. Let me take the initiative. Let me just do it. Let me just do it. And it's like, but you're denying yourself. Are you denying yourself. Let me not be conclusive, but are you denying yourself of an experience you actually desire?

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

And how will you feel later on down the line that you didn't get that? And also, what precedence does this set for your relationship? Feel free to correct me, sisters, but I'm of the mind that I'm of my mind. Yeah. I'm just 28.

[Renee Kafuku]

Right.

[Courtney Boateng]

Hello. I had all life experience. So, sisters, come. Come and share your opinions. But I'm of the mind that if you start, you'll always be leading.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yes.

[Courtney Boateng]

Right.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yes.

[Courtney Boateng]

If you start it this way, it will always be down to you to take the initiative. And I think this is where the rise of the sassy man thing comes. Right? Like, and it will be. It'll be really interesting to kind of hear your thoughts and you to kind of just explain, like, what it is. What is this whole sass men thing that people are commenting on. But I do think that's why we're now getting people side eyeing and being like, okay, so have the dynamics changed so much that now the women are doing the pursuing and no longer being pursued? So, yeah, talk to us about that, sassy man, because you actually brought it to mind. I've seen it and I've seen it. Loads of people do different things, like say different things. I was watching a video today from Beverly Ad and she was talking about how, you know, there's a lot of Instagram bad b Men like these men just want to be bad bees.

[Renee Kafuku]

They really do.

[Courtney Boateng]

And I was like, oh, I get what you. I get it now. So, yeah, just explain to us the sassy man thing and your thoughts on

[Renee Kafuku]

the sassy man apocalypse. And also, guys, the terminology that we're using, we are borrowing from the Internet. So if anybody is like, offended and stuff like that. Sorry. We're actually just borrowing from the Internet.

[Courtney Boateng]

Social.

[Renee Kafuku]

Mere conjecture. This is a conversation at best, opinions. So the sassy man apocalypse, I think the root of it has come from the rise in coverage of men's behavior in response to what feels like women's liberation. Right. So it's been very well logged, especially on social media, that women are doing really well for themselves right now.

[Courtney Boateng]

Right.

[Renee Kafuku]

We are buying the houses, we are owning the bank accounts, we are going to school, we are thriving and having community. And in a time where there's so much economic instability, society is being shaken by so many different forces, and yet there's still so much opportunity. And it's a beautiful thing to see that a lot of women are waking up and saying, hey, I really want to craft a life fueled by my own agency and my own desires. So we're seeing a lot of women just kind of take life almost by the balls, it seems. And with that, they are also rejecting a lot of notions of traditional relationship dynamics and mechanics. Right. Back in the day, marriage was seen as the true symbol of the height of femininity.

[Courtney Boateng]

Right?

[Renee Kafuku]

It was if you get married, if you got a man, then you is that girl.

[Courtney Boateng]

Yeah.

[Renee Kafuku]

And there's still a little bit of that today. But I think kind of linking to what you were saying, Courtney, around, you know, popular sentiment around relationships almost being embarrassing now and like people being anti relationship and all that kind of good stuff. And even the sentiments around do I even want to be married? Like, what's the point of being married? This very much stems from you've got women feeling more liberated and more, you know, exercising more agency at a time where we're seeing rising male loneliness, we are seeing men also being systematically disempowered by a lot of the structures that they've actually built. So we're seeing a lot more men that are earning less. We are seeing a lot more men that are being educated. We're seeing a lot more men gravitating towards things like red pill content and all that kind of stuff. And almost what feels like in response to women's liberation and the whole conversation around, like, what women can own, you have men who are Taking up the role of. The traditional role of women. So. Okay, cool. I'm the one that's going to be emotionally childish when it comes to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So there was like, some very funny TikTok videos of, like, women that are like, I'm with a sassy man right now, where they're trying to have a conversation with their partner and he's, like, turned away and is basically stonewalling them. I'm like, oh, baby, you was grown. Like, we need to have a conversation about this or we will see. Men that are with women and women are the ones that are leading. They are the ones that are initiating and paying for the dates. They are the one that is, you know, taking care of things around the household that traditionally we would assume a man would do. They are the ones that are now proposing to their boyfriend of 14 years because they refuse to or for whatever reason, they don't really feel like they're ready to do that and take that step. So the sassy man is almost a response to the empowered women, or kind of almost like a. I want to say it's a caricature. Right. And it's a particular kind of response because they are also. The caveat is a whole bunch of men that have really taken stock and seen, wow, women are doing really, really well. Let me also empower myself.

[Courtney Boateng]

Yeah.

[Renee Kafuku]

So it's a very particular subsection, a category of men, whereby because. Because they have seen women leading women in positions of power, they have almost taken that subservient position or that passive position that we typically associate with women's role within a romantic relationship.

[Courtney Boateng]

Interesting.

[Renee Kafuku]

What's also very interesting about the kind of sassy man apocalypse as well is obviously there's varying degrees. And I think it was like one of the videos that I sent you that was talking about. I can't remember the name of the content creator, please forgive me, but she was talking about how the sassy man is somewhat a projection of negative femininity onto men and internalized sexually. Precisely. And so there is a conversation to be had here around, like, okay, I get it. Men are like, they're moving a little bit wild. Right. But to what extent do we also need to give men the capacity to take on traditionally feminine traits? If that makes sense.

[Courtney Boateng]

Yeah.

[Renee Kafuku]

So the things that we typically say are, like, our feminine stuff like that. Yeah. Like, oh, yeah, he wants to be taken out on dates and stuff like that. Or even the conversation around, like, do we get men flowers? What's the equivalent of, like, you know, giving men Flowers. Right. And so I think there is a little bit of space to be had to have a conversation around. To what extent do men actually need to be pursued? Especially in a society where for a long period of time, you know, men are ostracized. Whole subgroups of men are ostracized. They are often emotionally unavailable. They are often seen as purely, you know, breadwinners, etc. So I do think there's space for that, to have that conversation of like, okay, we're taking the sassy man thing a bit too far. But before we do get there, before we do get there, there's like a whole stack.

[Courtney Boateng]

Yeah.

[Renee Kafuku]

Of papers to be served to mandam. Because if your response to women's empowerment is passivity, my, my good sir, you

[Courtney Boateng]

will be left behind.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah, you will be left behind. And we will see the opposite whereby it's not. Women are not taking up these roles and saying, oh, I'm now looking for a man that you know, will be my number two or whatever. Women are empowering themselves and they are looking for an empowered partner. Traditionally you would see a man who is an, you know, empowered. He's got agency and he's looking for a passive partner who would be able to facilitate the household, be his supporting, you know, whatever. Yeah, women are actually not looking for that Women are looking for. I'm looking for my partner to build with. And so women taking up tools and building should not be assigned to men that it's time to put the tools down. It's actually a. Hey, I've got someone that actually wants to build with me. It may be in a different way to the way that I'm used to, but I think it should actually be a sign to men that this is a different breed, a different generation of women.

[Courtney Boateng]

Yeah.

[Renee Kafuku]

An empowered generation of women that are using the tools to build in a new way that might actually be much more sustainable. That was a whole tangent, but yeah, those are some of my thoughts on like the sassy man apocalypse and how the mandam are out here. You know, you can get your flowers may not be from me, but I do think it's important to try and recognize both sides of the, of the coin.

[Courtney Boateng]

Yeah, I completely agree. I completely agree. I think in general this sassy man thing is. I think it's very interesting. I think we are in a place where we are talking more about gender norms and gender stereotypes and who can feel like they are allowed to X. Right. So I, I do think in a world of women's immigration, like proposing to your boyfriend there's nothing wrong with that, but in my eyes, it is a, it is a platform for problems. Like, it is actually a platform problems. And the same way with being a quote unquote, sassy man. And I, I really love the explanation you just gave, which is there are actually spaces where we do need to discuss toxic masculinity and how as women, we have internalized that.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

And we project, project that as expectations and sometimes limitations for men. Like, you know, you're asking your partner or your brother or your cousin or your dad to emotionally be vulnerable with you or open up to you about what they're feeling, what they're thinking, what they're planning, what they' but they're existing in a world which tells them vulnerability is a massive weakness for you. And no one wants to see that. So you better bundle that up, put that in a corner until one day you blow up and let everyone else deal with the madness. Do you get what I mean? And so we are dealing with the time in a time like that. And for a lot of us women, we have internalized that and we do project it on, you know, boys don't cry, you know, how many of us have told our little brothers or our little cousins or whatever, like, man up, you know, and it's not until people platform these things that we become aware of what we have internalized and what we have normalized in our own behavior, in our own language. And sometimes we carry these things into relationships. That's not to say completely destroy gender roles, though. And, and I do think, overall, I think the way my view of relationships has kind of just changed over time. Being in the digital space, seeing how many people have opinions, how many people are prescriptive as well, women should do this, men should do this, women should do this. And, and seeing how that pendulum can swing from one extreme to another from red pill and hyper femininity to. And feminine energy to, oh, no, men can do whatever, women can do whatever, Everyone be whatever. And it's just like, you know what? My advice is this, when you're stepping into your relationship with your person, just have a conversation about what do we want this to be? Like, is that, what do we want this to be? If you're the woman coming into a situation where you want to be wooed, you want to be taken care of, you want to be whatever, make it known in a very tactful, wise way, and don't expect a man who wants to be provided for to conform to what. That's when you. We realize we're not compatible.

[Renee Kafuku]

We're not compatible.

[Courtney Boateng]

We're not compatible. And I can be as angry and as red in the face at the fact that you are not the person that I want you to be. But at the end of the day, if people show you who they are, believe them. You gotta believe them and move on. The person that you want exists this somewhere. It's not this person. And I think a lot of disappointment surrounds when you're trying to force this person to be what you need. And they don't want to do that. Yeah, but you're still trying to have a relationship with them. And on the flip side, if you're a man who wants to be wooed, go with a woman who wants to do the woman. It ain't me, but I'm taking anyway. You know what I mean? So y' all ain't gotta worry about me, sweetheart. You ain't gotta worry about me, honey. It's not me. But I'm sure there is a woman somewhere. Maybe she, she a bad mama jama. She is she a sugar mama. She says, listen, I want a nice piece of something on my side.

[Renee Kafuku]

Stop, don't kill me.

[Courtney Boateng]

I'm sure there's a woman, 50 something. Maybe you're even in the sisterhood if you can sponsor us. I know you got it

[Renee Kafuku]

wooing that man.

[Courtney Boateng]

Come on, we're looking for your little sisters. But no but for real. So I'm sure there are some women somewhere like as outlandish and movie esque as it sounds. Like I've, I've, I definitely even know of some where I've tried the whole marriage thing. I don't like it. I've been married to a man before. He must ruin my life. I've taken a step back. A very true story, guys. And now I've taken a step back and I've built myself up and I've built on my career. And you know what? I have, have absolutely no interest in being somebody's dependent. I have no interest in a man stepping in and I have no need for it either. And also I've been there and I've done that. I've been wooed. Now life for me looks like I want to have fun. Yeah. And if that means being with a guy who wants me to send him stuff or me to fly him out so that I can also have a good time, then that's what it's gonna be. That in my life. But that's somebody's truth. That's somebody's reality. That's somebody's desire. Right. And so if that's what you want, be with the guy who wants to be wooed. You can't force a man who's like, I want you to be submissive and I want you to be. And he's listening to Andrew Tate and all of this stuff. You can't be with someone like that. So at this point, I think everyone should just have a conversation. And I do think sometimes you do have to confront your internalized misogyny as a man, as a woman. If you think that the woman has no right to work, work, you should confront that. If you believe that a man has no right to cry, you should confront that. Right. Each of us should do that internal work just because it makes us better human beings.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

And also better partners.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

Especially when you deep that some of the things I want from my relationship, the way that I speak or the way that I act, doesn't actually welcome that into this space. And it's the same with even friendships.

[Renee Kafuku]

Right.

[Courtney Boateng]

Like, I want you to be more, or I want us to do more. Okay, but are you available? Are you open? Are you not even submissive, but are you humble?

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

Do you get what I mean? Like, you're saying you want all this stuff, but you are not the type of person this thing happens to. You aren't. And so work on that. You know, work on that. And it's fine to have to confront yourself, and it's fine to also have to confront your partner and be like, hey, you say you want our relationship to be like this, but you're not showing up in that way. Or I said I want our relationship to be like this, and you said, that would be fine. And now, six months later, mot check, you ain't doing that, or we are not being that. And so I think open communication and clarity is so important when it comes to communicating with your person. And I think this then brings us to that conversation around hypervisibility. Right. Because that adds a layer which complicates all of this. When you are existing as an individual, it's so easy to actually have logical sense.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

Let me be honest. Like, knowing that, oh, I can just talk to my partner and be like, when you do this, I don't like this, or actually, I want us to do more of this, or, I want to be more like this. Does that work for you? But when you are competing with opinions from strangers and they seem to be culturally resounding, that's when you kind of enter into your own internal conflict and your own internal Battle. And I think that's why it's so dangerous to have so many voices in what you are doing. So many voices in who you're becoming like you. You need to sit down and let the people who actually really matter shape who you are. And listen, I hope I do not ever be a sassy man. That's one thing. A man who's emotionally in touch with himself. Fine. A man who is open, transparent. Fine. A man who knows that, listen, I know what makes me happy too.

[Renee Kafuku]

Fine.

[Courtney Boateng]

But a man who is maliciously defiant and incompetent, I personally feel like. No, that's a man that wants to see you dead.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

And the reason why I say it is there are men who know what you want, deceive you about what they sign up to, and then give you something completely different. And I think women have absolutely every right to say who you are does not co. Sign with what you say you want and also with who you say you are to mean me. Right. I think every woman has a right to call somebody out on that. You are not the man can demand XYZ from me because you are not that person. Yeah, honey. And I think everyone needs to learn that whatever role and whatever privileges you're trying to step into, it requires you to show up as a particular kind of person. And it's very malicious to say you are something which you're not to get what you want.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

And I think we need to remember that with relationships, it becomes manipulative.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yes.

[Courtney Boateng]

When you present yourself as something and then you do not meet the requirements and the qualifications. So you lie or you deceive or you gaslight. And a lot of women experience that in relationships, which is why I think a lot of people are losing interest in things like marriage. They are losing interest in romantic heterosexual relationships because to them, there's too much guesswork. There's too much. There's too many smokes and mirrors, and we don't want to. We. We don't want to be in that. And I think it's very well within people's right to say, if I don't have the real thing, I don't want it at all. I think that is so important, and I think it. It teaches all of us that. Listen, no one is above this. No one is. You're not above me saying, you need to leave my life or you can't have access to me in a certain way. No one is above that. I am not lonely enough or desperate enough to tolerate something that is unhealthy. For me and doesn't align with my desires. And I think more women are realizing have the conf. They have the autonomy and the right to say that in their life. And I love what you said about empowered women just want empowered men. I think a lot of people perceive gender equality as male subjugation. Right. And so a lot of men now think, oh, okay, you want to be the independent fan, you pay all the bills. Did I say that? Did I say that just because I went to school and I have a degree? Did I say that?

[Renee Kafuku]

Tell me when.

[Courtney Boateng]

No, genuinely, did I say that? Is becoming one of my favorite things to say to people because I think we are all walking around in our own assumptions which are rooted in our frustration.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

Do you get what I mean? Like, I see a woman who may not be what I grew up seeing or may not be what I've told I was told I deserved. Right.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

And it's made me frustrated. And I think that's what we see in a lot of the red pill space, frustration. Them.

[Renee Kafuku]

People are frustrated, they lonely, they're frustrated, they need a hobby.

[Courtney Boateng]

They are pent up wound, like literally all wounds. And I think there are a lot of people also in a camp where their hatred for men is very serious. Is pent up anger and frustration completely understandable? I completely understand where some of you are coming from. Others of you, you need to go to hospital, you need to go to will. It's not even just what you need is far beyond what many can offer. But. But genuinely, it's pent up anger and pent up frustration. And I think that then leads to a desire to. I. I can only paint it in an analogy. Right. Have you ever been so frustrated at your parents or so frustrated at someone that even, you know, the way your acting is dumb? Yeah. Do you get what I mean? Like, the way you're responding to this person is so. It makes you look silly. Like you have to reduce yourself to a certain place in order to get back at this person. And as much as you think, oh, I'm just getting back at this person, actually, no. What you're doing is dumbing yourself down. You are lowering yourself from the level at which you should be operating in. And that is when you start to lose self respect. Like when we talk about have some self respect. Do not ever let your first frustration for some. For someone or a group of people bring you out of the character you want to possess as a person. Like this whole glowing and growing journey, we're all getting better. We're all becoming. Nobody should be able to pull you out of that state of who you want to be. I'm not saying you can never be angry, but even your anger should be manifested in a way that displays, I am a logical and sound human being, sensible person. I am a sensible person. I think what we're seeing in both casts is people who are not manifesting that in a sensible way. What you're communicating isn't that you're playing the relationship game. It's that genuinely, you are incompetent and unsensible. And maybe it's because in our world, it seems like people who have sense don't get rewards and they don't win.

[Renee Kafuku]

They don't win big.

[Courtney Boateng]

But, baby, what is the point of gaining the whole world and losing your soul?

[Renee Kafuku]

Word to the Bible. It's a good book.

[Courtney Boateng]

Word to the Bible.

[Renee Kafuku]

You know what? It's a good book. And there's a reason why it's called the good book. Because that book is good. And we. We encourage all to read it. Our courts, honestly, we are in some kind of apocalypse. Like. No, genuinely, we're in the end times. We are in the end times because every single apocalyptic film or series that I've watched, you have people trying to survive in these quite extreme conditions in these small camps and what happens in an apocalypse or whatever, and you start to create these loyalties and these allegiances. Everybody else outside looks like the enemy. And I think what you were saying around frustration and seeing people as the enemy and seeing people as like, you know, the hatred that is developed from that frustration is very symptomatic of the fact that we're in the end times. This is how people in the end times behave. They behave like every single person, every single thing outside of themselves and their character camp is the enemy is a threat. This is radicalism at its highest form. No, genuinely, this is radicalism at its highest.

[Courtney Boateng]

And that's what we see on the online space a lot like. And I think that's why we need to be mindful. Even if you're finding something which is entertaining. And that's the part that's dangerous.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

About the Internet, even if it's entertaining, it is an echo chamber, especially. It is a big echo chamber for you. You're watching repeat. You're repeatedly being exposed to things which are radicalizing you.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

But also which are not giving you a full picture of life. And I think that's why it's important sometimes to take a step back from social media. You have to take a step back. It is not the real world nor is it reflective of the real world. It's a lot of. It's not even a lot. It's very few opinions that get amplified like no other thing can amplify it. Right. The news only even has so much reach. TV only has so much reach. These days I'm seeing people from a corner of the world I will never go to and have never been to to.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

Talk opinions into my life and it shaped my psyche and my behavior and therefore impacts my relationships with people. My real life experience and my real life outcomes are now being shaped by people I will never have contact with and who don't even know I exist. To them I am just a number in a like count and yet their opinion has come and ruined my life.

[Renee Kafuku]

Content is deep.

[Courtney Boateng]

Content is so deep. Sleep like when you think about how much of your attention and your energy you give to content. Very few people have even spent that much time with your parents in your adult life.

[Renee Kafuku]

Summer smells like salt in the air and warm sand. Restore your sense of place with Pura's

[Courtney Boateng]

new summer fragrance collection.

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[Renee Kafuku]

Not the Internet raising you.

[Courtney Boateng]

Thank you. A lot of people are raised more by the Internet and especially if you do not do the intentional work of building community around you, building community around your relationship. The Internet will disciple you. The Internet will mentor you. If there is that void in your life, the Internet will be your sister. How many people. And this is on a positive side, but it could. It could become a negative. How many people write to us and say we are. You are the sister I have never had.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

Even if they have sisters.

[Renee Kafuku]

Child. Sometimes it's a pair of sisters I never had. Yeah. Your sister just. Just emailed actually.

[Courtney Boateng]

Do you get what I mean? Like, but how many people have a void in their life of a person, of a voice.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

Of influence and they therefore take to social media. And what's even worse is when you don't even know that's what's happening. When you don't Realize that the people, the continual exposure to a type of opinion, the continual exposure to a type of outrage or to a type of decision somebody makes is changing who you are from the inside. It changes the way you speak, the way you see people, and then the way you're stepping into your relationship. It's changing how many people have cut their friends off because somebody online has said they cut their friends off for this. And now you're thinking, damn, well, my friend's even done worse, or my friend's done this, or my friend hasn't even done anything close, but they've done something that offended me.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

And now you're taking that and you're like, you know what? I'm gonna cut you off too. You wouldn't have even thought to do

[Renee Kafuku]

that, wouldn't have even occurred to you

[Courtney Boateng]

until you saw 10 videos of people telling you with the hashtag cut off off, breaking bridges, burning them up.

[Renee Kafuku]

You know what it is? You know that prayer that people do at the beginning of the year, Lord, remove from me anybody that's not meant to be in my life.

[Courtney Boateng]

And you don't even have the spiritual maturity or discernment to discern what God is telling you. You take everything as a sign. Everything ain't a sign from God. Sometimes the devil is there with his plaque.

[Renee Kafuku]

Sometimes he'd be showing up quicker than the Lord.

[Courtney Boateng]

I tell you, sometimes, sometimes he' showing up quicker. And so I, I just think everyone needs to really take a step back and be like, you know, what am I even emotionally, mentally, intellectually.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yes.

[Courtney Boateng]

Mature enough.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yes.

[Courtney Boateng]

To engage at this frequency?

[Renee Kafuku]

Yes. Yes.

[Courtney Boateng]

Because at some point, repeat exposure will make you put your guards down, keep your guards up, keep going through social media. And I, I guess we can talk about as well. Well, child, this is your episode.

[Renee Kafuku]

No, no. I think it would be great. This is our episode.

[Courtney Boateng]

Courtney, I think this will be great to talk about as well, the impact that social media and the hyper visibility is having on relationships. Because if social media is your workplace or if social media is a huge part of your day, let's not even say you're a creator, but if you're a consumer and a heavy consumer or a consumer who is easily influenced and being easily. I feel like when people say, oh, being easily influenced, being easily influenced by social media, people think of children, they think of people who may be lack. It's not. It can be anyone.

[Renee Kafuku]

Think about our parents. They're there pressing phone as well. Auntie is there on WhatsApp.

[Courtney Boateng]

That is a certain level of incompetence. Not. You've been hacked again.

[Renee Kafuku]

Do you know how funny that is?

[Courtney Boateng]

We need to talk. Maybe a couple. Someone actually should make a course. I'm sure somebody has, but like Technology 101 for aunties and uncles because they've taken your back details again.

[Renee Kafuku]

Somebody called. Send me a link though. I thought it was Barclays. And since when? Since when?

[Courtney Boateng]

Anyways, it can be anyone. It can be anyone. It could be me or you. Do you get what I mean? Like, how many of us. How. How many times have we, Renee, had to take a step back from social media and be like. Because you're influencing me too much. You're influencing the way I see myself. You' influencing the way I see my partner. You're influencing the way I see my career, the way I see my business, the way I see my money. I suddenly feel like I'm not enough. I suddenly feel like I'm too. I'm too nice. Whatever it may be. Anyone can be influenced when there is repeat exposure. Why? Because the human mind is what it is. It's malleable.

[Renee Kafuku]

We are addicts. We are. Oh, we love it.

[Courtney Boateng]

We love it.

[Renee Kafuku]

We love it.

[Courtney Boateng]

It's the way you're functioning. And instead of you trying to convince yourself that you're too above it, acknowledge and humble yourself enough to acknowledge that you are just a human being. And human beings look for things to lead them. They look for things to guide their way. And if you're constantly exposing yourself to too many opinions, too many people having access to intimate and vulnerable parts of who you are and things that genuinely shape you, you need to reassess your boundaries for your own soul. You need to readdress your boundaries for your own heart. Like when. For us as Christians, like when the Bible says to guard your heart from. It throws the issues of life. Everything, everything in your life is affected by the condition of your heart. And if you do not regularly reassess the boundaries and the guards that you have around your own heart and the things that lead to things. Accessing your heart. What leads to accessing your heart? Every. Every orifice you got the eyes, every opening the mouth.

[Renee Kafuku]

Not just nonsense.

[Courtney Boateng]

Every orifice that you have, you're down there. Your coochie hole. It's an access way to your heart.

[Renee Kafuku]

Heavy on the coochie.

[Courtney Boateng]

How many people have made you a nice meal, had Renee's brownies that you now love? Renee, your mouth is an access point.

[Renee Kafuku]

Oh, that's a big one.

[Courtney Boateng]

Yeah. Are an access point. Your everywhere is an access point. To your heart. Right. But especially your eyes.

[Renee Kafuku]

Ways, you know, as you were speaking, just I. I love the whole analogy of social media, online content, all of this kind of stuff as a gateway.

[Courtney Boateng]

Yeah.

[Renee Kafuku]

These things are an invitation. And it's being online chronically, whether you are a consumer or a producer, is like having a constant party where people are gate crashing repetitively and the party's at your house and it's at your house indefinitely. Definitely every single time you show up, somebody is entering into your home.

[Courtney Boateng]

Yeah.

[Renee Kafuku]

And at some point, in order for you to clean up, in order for you to establish some sense of normalcy, you've got to kick everybody out.

[Courtney Boateng]

That part.

[Renee Kafuku]

And the problem is we're not kicking people out of our homes. We are constantly. We are offering 247 access to ourselves. Whether we're consuming the content or we're producing it, somebody's always inside our house.

[Courtney Boateng]

Close the door.

[Renee Kafuku]

Doors. We have to close the doors.

[Courtney Boateng]

Yeah.

[Renee Kafuku]

Like the, like.

[Courtney Boateng]

Oh.

[Renee Kafuku]

Content is deep. It's actually so spiritual. It's so spiritual. The access that you're allowing people to have into your lives thinking that as passive consumers, like even things like tick tock and Instagram and all these kind of stuff. So not to hyper spiritualize, but it's deep. It's deep.

[Courtney Boateng]

It's very deep.

[Renee Kafuku]

Because whatever commands your attention also commands your intention. All of a sudden you find yourself having thoughts and ideas and seeds that are planted by virtue of the kind of things that you are consuming. Content being a big one. So the doubts that you have in your mind, the insecurities that are now being planted. Heck, I will go on TikTok. And there's a new insecurity to be thinking about again. Ah, this one. I have hip dips. This is how I'm going to get rid of my hip dips. I didn't even know there was something we wanted to get rid of Such a thing.

[Courtney Boateng]

Again, I didn't even know they had a term.

[Renee Kafuku]

I didn't know. And then now I'm going to look at myself in the mirror and think, are people looking at me and thinking, wow, her hip dips. Because honestly, Courtney, never in my life have I looked at like a woman or my friends or whatever and I thought, wow, your hip dips are so prominent.

[Courtney Boateng]

Yeah. Or that that's even a problem.

[Renee Kafuku]

That is an issue.

[Courtney Boateng]

Right. Because it's actually the problematization. I did not think this was. I was actually fine. And also when people look at you, they may notice it, but it's not a problem. And I think that's what provoking people to change it. Like, oh, I have a big nose. I should go and get a rhinoplasty. I ain't against it. I ain't. Again, listen again. I am staying out of people's business. I am staying out of people's business. Business. You go and do you.

[Renee Kafuku]

I.

[Courtney Boateng]

If you come to me, yes, I will give you certain advice and thoughts, but ciao, this is your life. But with that people, I have a big nose, okay. But when people see you, they think, okay, you have a big nose. But it's never been a problem.

[Renee Kafuku]

I promise you. I don't lose sleep over your nose at all. I don't at all.

[Courtney Boateng]

And you may be thinking, oh, but it might interfere my relationships. There are people with noses bigger than yours that are happily married for 50 years. Throwing it down and driving is massive. I'm sorry to break it to you. Their nostrils are all the air. They've got it. But they know that they're beautiful. And the person they're with believes that they're beautiful.

[Renee Kafuku]

Giving the people a Whoville all their flair.

[Courtney Boateng]

I think Whoville, they've not had the opposite from they could barely breathe because it was slits. But genuinely, it's like, like crazy. It's social media that makes you internalize that what you are and who you are that you cannot change is a problem. Right? Like, it's not a problem. Take a step back.

[Renee Kafuku]

Manufacturing insecurity after insecurity, and heaven forbid it manifests in your relationship.

[Courtney Boateng]

And it will, it will relationship. Because you'll be carrying, like to our sisters that you'll be carrying the anger of someone else. You'll be carrying the offense of someone else. Somebody's man cheated on them. Now, your man has never shown you any sign of cheating on you. He has never. And now you're looking at him like, pick up your phone one more time.

[Renee Kafuku]

Breathe funny.

[Courtney Boateng]

There you go.

[Renee Kafuku]

In my dreams, I had a. Yeah,

[Courtney Boateng]

let's not even go there. Because with that, I think again. I do not want to gaslight any woman into believing that she does not have the cognition or the spiritual app to trust herself. Yeah, right. If you feel like, oh, this is happening. And I have this intuitive feeling. Yeah, I feel like God has told me, you know what? You go to God and you pursue that thought. But what I will say is, I think we are living in a time where people are so intrinsically left head that they forget to get external validation for what they're thinking. Not because you're living for external Validation. But you need counsel to temper you.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

Because what could be happening is paranoia.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

What could be happening is a manifestation of your own fears. What could be happening is suspicion. What could be happening is a collective result. Result of years or months or weeks of just scrolling and scrolling and internalizing everybody else's thought to the point where you get confirmation bias.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

Now you are looking for things in your life that confirm to you that what you've seen is true.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

But it might not be true. Or it may require a different kind of response. And I think that's why having people around you is so important. Because you can say, hey, you know how everyone online has been saying xyz? Yeah. But I think in my life I've noticed and this is how I feel about it or this is what I feel led to do about it. And then have someone who is not as inside that. And that's why I think older people are important. As much as we ha ha ha at them, they're not in that.

[Renee Kafuku]

They're not.

[Courtney Boateng]

So they can provide that kind of objective thinking. Now granted, they're in some other stuff where it's like they're in tradition. They're trust, they're stuck in generational pat struck in. They're stuck in other things. But for the most part, they're not stuck in that social media echo chamber. So sometimes when you go to them, they can tell you that is not true. The way you've been led to feel about your body don't feel like that. Like the, you are beautiful. And they can reaffirm that. And now that external validation has tempered an internal feeling, an internal leading. And I, the reason why I brought that up is so many people are like, oh, well, I had a dream. Dream. Do you, as much as you have a dream? And that's fantastic. Do you have the spiritual maturity and the spiritual counsel around you?

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

To be able to tell you whether that dream is valid or not.

[Renee Kafuku]

Because ladies and gentlemen, in terms of the. I don't want to invalidate anyone's dreams, but the source wanted to come out.

[Courtney Boateng]

I'm screaming, I'm wearing one sexy bra today from the lingerie box. And. And okay, she wants to come out.

[Renee Kafuku]

Okay. Maybe some after hours Action. Mrs. Courtney. My God, my God. Even my train of thoughts has been, okay, source, source material, source material, source material. But the source material from our dreams are not always necessarily from God. Sometimes it can come from our own internal doubts. Like the way our subconscious is is working overtime. It doesn't even have to Be the enemy. Sometimes enemy is us.

[Courtney Boateng]

And sometimes it's just a. It's something for you not to act on. Like it's very bad to act on impulse. It's very bad to act on the first sign of something. That's how you run into fires. Like, don't do that. It's an. It's an invitation to ask. It's an invitation to pray. It's an invitation to take something to community. Test it. Test it. And it's an invitation to have a conversation with someone. But you're. You're not. None of us are that strong.

[Renee Kafuku]

And that oracle.

[Courtney Boateng]

That oracle. Do you get what I mean? That powerful to be like that. One inkling I have is enough for me to say, you're out. Do you get what I mean? Unless they've done something that logically everyone can accept as. That's a threat. But if it's like you looked at me funny, is that enough to cut off your relationship? But it's coming. It's confirmed something you're already storing in your heart. It's a fear that you're already storing in your mind. Mind. And now you're connecting things that don't need to be connected. Right? And sometimes it leads to self sabotage. Right. And I think that's why it's important for anyone to take a. A look at what's happening in their life and think, is this actually healthy for me? Is this helpful to me? Knowing the person I want to be, knowing where I want to go, knowing what I want to do, knowing who I am. Is this healthy for me? Knowing that I'm struggling with comparison? Is it healthy for me to be online this month much Knowing that our marriage is struggling with intimacy? Is it healthy for us to make it so public? Knowing that I struggle mentally to have mental strength to contend with people's opinions and be confident in my own choices. Is it healthy for me to tell everyone what's happening in my life?

[Renee Kafuku]

Sometimes wrap it up.

[Courtney Boateng]

Sometimes close your mouth.

[Renee Kafuku]

Close them. Close.

[Courtney Boateng]

Close your mouth. Close your phone and go outside. Like it's. It's that simple. It's okay. You don't have to be online and defeat that need to be chronically online and chronically visible as well. Because if you are not ready to handle it and to be fair, if you want it and you know it's important for you. I'm a creator. I know the importance of being online and being visible. But if it's important to you, fortify yourself.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yes.

[Courtney Boateng]

So that you can handle what can come if you are somebody who. I spend a lot of time on social media, maybe because I work on social media or because I have to stay in the loop with pop culture or because I thoroughly enjoy it. Fortify yourself. Make yourself mentally and spiritually strong enough to handle what you're constantly being exposed to.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah, right.

[Courtney Boateng]

There's a reason why when there are viruses, there are still some people who can go and handle it, but they have protected themselves.

[Renee Kafuku]

That's a great analogy.

[Courtney Boateng]

Do you get what I mean? It's not. This thing is dangerous. Yes, it's dangerous. It's dangerous to the most vulnerable of you, and it's dangerous to the average. But for us who know what we are dealing with, we protect ourselves. Right? We go home, we know how to wash our hands, we know what to wear. We know how long we can be exposed. So you need to know, how long can I be exposed with the fortification that I have invested in? And then I accept that it will be a threat to me to be pro. To expose myself in a prolonged manner. I should not prolong my exposure because I'm not protected to that level. Level.

[Renee Kafuku]

That's really good.

[Courtney Boateng]

And that's how you should approach your life. If not, a virus will catch you and it will choke you out.

[Renee Kafuku]

It will take you out. Boy.

[Courtney Boateng]

That's it.

[Renee Kafuku]

Ah, you guys need to watch those apocalyptic stuffs. I'm telling you, those viruses, those zombie apocalyptic. It's always a virus.

[Courtney Boateng]

It's always a virus. It's always a virus. And we need to be mindful of the things that are the viruses that can enter into our soul through what we watch and what we hear.

[Renee Kafuku]

My lord, Lord, Lord, Lord.

[Courtney Boateng]

And into your relationship.

[Renee Kafuku]

Especially into your relationship. All of them, by the way, not just the romantic ones. We're talking the friendship ones. All the relationships.

[Courtney Boateng]

That's the important thing to. To kind of emphasize the reason why we're talking about what enters you is you're the one who carries it into your relationship.

[Renee Kafuku]

Exactly.

[Courtney Boateng]

Do you get what I mean? So if you can't g check it at a U level, it's going to affect the relationship.

[Renee Kafuku]

Finish. Absolutely finish. And then all of a sudden, a sudden it becomes very difficult to ascertain what the source was.

[Courtney Boateng]

Yes, yes, yes.

[Renee Kafuku]

And all of a sudden, you can't. You won't realize. It will be far too late for you to realize that the problem was actually you.

[Courtney Boateng]

Yeah. Or actually the problem didn't start with you. The problem was outside of you.

[Renee Kafuku]

And it got into you, and you

[Courtney Boateng]

brought it into the relationship. Because a lot of us are carrying. We're carrying desires, but we're also carrying fears that are not ours.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

Whether they were passed down to us from family and generations before us, or they have been passed on to us through social media, they did not originate with us. And that's, I think, one of the most frustrating things when you see something popping up in your life and you're like, I don't even know how I got here.

[Renee Kafuku]

Where did, where did this even come from?

[Courtney Boateng]

Right. But then suddenly it leads to, I don't even know who I am because I can't pinpoint what was mine and what was someone else's that I just heard. Heard or I just saw. That's why you have to be careful.

[Renee Kafuku]

And now we're here.

[Courtney Boateng]

And now we're here. And sometimes it's very hard to realize it about yourself. So get someone to hold up a mirror to you. Just talk to someone about it. Like, I had a therapy session yesterday and I was talking to my therapist about my career and like how I feel like, oh, you know, I've. I always fight with this tension of wanting to get a 9 to 5 or, you know, and every time I can't bring myself to do it because I know that what I'm doing currently I love and it's working for me. And she was just like, why are you trying to put yourself in a box? And I was like, well, I don't know. She was like, no, but genuinely, you need to contend with this idea of if, you know, you thrive outside of the box, why do you keep trying to put yourself in the box? And I'll just like, I get what you're saying, but genuinely in my heart, I cannot explain to you where it came from. I don't know where it's come from because I don't know what, what's me and what's internalized. And she kept saying that. Like throughout this entire therapy session, I kept saying, other people think other people will think other people have said other. And she was like, because you're carrying other people's stuff.

[Renee Kafuku]

This is not stuff, it's not yours to carry.

[Courtney Boateng]

So put it down somewhere and continue with your life. And I think that's. It happens on any level of our lives. Yeah, we're carrying other people's stuff, other people's thoughts, other people's opinions, and we're carrying that. And we're wondering, why am I so heavy? Why am I so burned? And why is nothing working? Working?

[Renee Kafuku]

Cuz you're carrying too Much.

[Courtney Boateng]

You're carrying too much and most of it ain't yours.

[Renee Kafuku]

It's like trying to go to a destination and like your mom's like, oh, can you put all of the stuff in your box, your suitcase, and then your suitcase is overweight. You're not going to be able to get on that flight. Baby part, you need to take that stuff out.

[Courtney Boateng]

Take some of that stuff out and give it to who it belongs.

[Renee Kafuku]

Who it belong. That's their problem.

[Courtney Boateng]

Give it to or leave it. Literally, throw it in the bin.

[Renee Kafuku]

Usually they encourage you to do that.

[Courtney Boateng]

Throw it away. Because you need to get to where you're going. You need to get to where you're going. And so many relationships are hindered. So many people are hindered and held back by the fact that they're carrying something that cannot allow them to get to where they need to be. So throw it out, Throw it out, throw it out.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah. Well, well, well, well. What a conversation. Oh, that was really good. That was meaty.

[Courtney Boateng]

I felt enjoyable.

[Renee Kafuku]

I felt welcome. Welcome to part two, ladies.

[Courtney Boateng]

Hello. So. So I guess in this whole conversation about like hyper visibility and just, I guess hyper consumption of social media or over consumption of social media, I think it brings a bigger conversation around visibility because visibility is a massive buzzword this year. And like our good friend Hayley, Hayley Melenda Record, who actually just released her first book, it's called Speak Up. Go and buy the book. Go and support our girl. She's been a previous guest on our podcast. Podcast as well. Go and watch the episode. But full of wisdom, doing her thing career wise and globally. And she has a clip that went viral, completely engagement or an event. And she said that you're too broke to not be visible.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

And it's brought a lot of people talking about visibility and I, I genuinely think it's a big thing this year when people are talking about. I feel like two years ago the word was collaboration, then the next year was community, and now we're at visibility. So I, I genuinely think there are always these that you're going to hear around when it comes to career and business and all of that stuff. So visibility. But I thought that we could maybe put an episode out there or have a conversation around visibility and how to navigate visibility with wisdom. Because I think the temptation is to get sucked into the allure of being seen and the fruits that that can bring, such as business success, such as know followers or money or all of this stuff.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

And not do visibility the right way. And so from your kind of perspective. What do you think are some of the key things people need to be mindful of when they are planning to be more visible so that they can protect themselves, as we've been talking about in this conversation?

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah, that's a brilliant question. And I think. I love this question because I think. Think one of my favorite examples of good visibility and how to engage with visibility is actually you. Really? Yes. Oh, my God.

[Courtney Boateng]

But I don't. I don't be nowhere. I'll be at home.

[Renee Kafuku]

And that's why. That's why I will never forget. I think I can't remember. Maybe it was like 17 or 18. And I think I said to you, you are my favorite YouTuber. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And the reason I said that was because I think you have integrity. I think you're genuine. You are one of the people that I can personally vouch and say you are the same offline as you are online. And unfortunately, there's quite a few people that I can't personally. Maybe it's because also I don't have proximity to everybody, so I can't say that, you know, but it's like I can say this girl is the same online as they are offline. And it's not even necessarily that I'm just praising you for your consistency, but I'm praising you for the fact that there is consistency in the way that you show up offline and online.

[Courtney Boateng]

Thank you.

[Renee Kafuku]

And so. So that is the first thing that I would say when it comes to God raining your life and taking on this whole notion of visibility. Is what we're seeing genuine? Is what we're seeing consistent? Is what we're seeing actually indicative of who you are as a person? Because I think, especially now more than ever before, people are seeing visibility as a chance to perform.

[Courtney Boateng]

Right.

[Renee Kafuku]

And as much as social media and the online world is a stage, you can only perform for so long.

[Courtney Boateng]

Good.

[Renee Kafuku]

And so with visibility comes this immense pressure to show up. And it's a lot easier when you show up authentically because you don't have to hide. You don't have to pretend to be what you're not. And so authenticity is the name of the game when it comes to visibility. People can tell. Yeah, we've been watching content for a very long time. We can tell fake people from a mile away. You stink. There's something that's just not right. There's something. And. And visibility, to me is like putting a magnifying glass on something or bringing light to something. That means that everything that you have been hiding or everything that, you know, people think that with visibility, you can hide stuff. You cannot hide. You cannot hide.

[Courtney Boateng]

Yes, the opposite.

[Renee Kafuku]

It's the opposite. The things that you refuse to deal with in, you know, the dark, they're now coming to light. We can see them. And it may not necessarily be something that is as. As obvious or like, that persist, that we can see, but we can see the small, the. The finer. The finer lines now that there's light on something. So really, prioritizing an understanding of what your authentic self is before you're visible will help you to stay visible sustainably. And visibility needs to be managed. Not everything about your life needs to be visible.

[Courtney Boateng]

Yeah.

[Renee Kafuku]

And too many of us think that visibility means that I must put my whole life online. My whole life must be on display. In fact, that is one of the most foolish things that you can do when it comes to visibility. The most. The best and most visible people are the ones that you still have question marks about certain areas of their life. You may. They have allowed you access. We're talking about the analogy of the house in the first episode, the first part of this. This. Right. There are some people who have houses with many rooms, and there's one house that they use for Airbnb, one house that they use for. They run a successful business from that one room alone. Ask them about any other room in their house. That's where they live.

[Courtney Boateng]

Yeah.

[Renee Kafuku]

And so I think we need to. The second thing I would say is approach visibility like you are an Airbnb or you're somebody that is renting out a room in your house. People can have access to this particular part where I've, you know, it's. It's a place in my house that I've designed for people. It's a place in my house that has been designed for people to come in and stay and all of that kind of good stuff. But I still have areas in my house that I can retreat to and recharge. I still have areas in my house that I can have privacy, that I can have community, that I can still live my life. And so making sure that visibility does not become your whole house, it doesn't become your whole life. You still have. Have areas that are. What's the word? Sacred. Guard the sacred parts of your life. Guard them, because that will inevitably help you in your quest for visibility. It's those places that you have to retreat. It's those relationships that you have to retreat that will empower you in the places that you choose to show up. Yeah, there's a reason why there are some super high earnings like athletes or actors or whatever. You don't know if they're married or not. Chances are they are. You just don't know who the person is or any information about their family or whatnot, or, you know, somebody that is a completely successful business career coach or what. But you don't know PIM about their parents, you don't know him about their background or whatnot. So don't be fooled into thinking that visibility means that every single thing that you have in your life must be for display. There are still some things that you must hold, hold very close to your chest and protect with your life in your quest to become visible.

[Courtney Boateng]

So good.

[Renee Kafuku]

So that's the second thing that I would say in the quest of visibility and all that kind of stuff. And then the third thing that comes to mind for me is making sure that as you become more visible, you actually have people around you that can be your guardrails as well.

[Courtney Boateng]

That's so good.

[Renee Kafuku]

You really need accountability. A lot of us see this visibility thing as a one person band. It's just me, like sharing more about myself and stuff like that. Tell your friends, your friends can support you, your friends can give you feedback. They don't even necessarily have to be friends in terms of old, you know, bestie or like whatever. It can be friends that are within your industry. It can be friends that have particular expertise that can actually give you advice on how do I make the most use of my visibility. Right. So making sure you actually have people, trusted people within your network, within your community to give you some support in that. Being visible is hard. Like constantly being in the spotlight, even thinking the analogy of an actor who is monologuing it out. Right. In the spotlight, it's hot, the lights, the intensity, everything. But they're carried by a team of people that make that moment even more beautiful and even that make that moment exactly what it is. So don't forsake the ensemble cast of your visible moment. You really need to make sure that you're supported by, by an entire community of people before you go out and have your moment of visibility. And then the last thing that I'll say about like balancing all of that stuff is again, just don't neglect the stuff that you do outside of the spotlight. Don't like, character is everything. And we talk about it so much on this podcast, character is everything. And don't be tricked into thinking that because you're now more visible, you are above reproach. Too many content creators fall because they get to this place where people are not able to check them for their bad behavior because they have fame or fortune or people know me. It's even worse that people know you.

[Courtney Boateng]

Now that people know you.

[Renee Kafuku]

It means that you have to have and maintain a certain standard of character lest somebody cancel you, lest somebody catches you on a bad day, lest your whole platform is premised on this fact that people have a conception of you. And so it kind of goes back to my first point around, around like authenticity. But this is more so making sure that your character remains above reproach among, like, if there's even one thing I can impress on people is making sure that your character is good. Like there is nothing. What is the point of bringing visibility to something that is actually bad, like really bad fruit. Nobody's trying to see. It's like putting a spotlight on like a rotten apple. I'm not trying to see the germs and all the infections and all that kind of stuff. And that's the thing about visibility. It really highlights things that are not always seen to the naked eye or the Roman eye or whatever. It really puts a spotlight on stuff. And so if you are not taking out your dirty laundry, if you are not doing the necessary work as an individual, baby, all of those things, all of those really messy and bad character traits are going to be magnified on the stage. People are going to see. And so make sure that you are doing the work offline. So are that we. When you. You get online. Yeah. You remain above approach and make sure you still have people around you that can check you.

[Courtney Boateng]

Yeah.

[Renee Kafuku]

Because sometimes we can't see our own imperfections. Especially when you're in the spotlight because you're so focused on maintaining the spotlight, it's very difficult for you to see the details. And that's where the ensemble cast come in because they can see things that you cannot. So those are the things that I would say.

[Courtney Boateng]

I love that.

[Renee Kafuku]

Would love to hear what.

[Courtney Boateng]

I love that. I think you're spot on. I think, think. I think as I think more on people wanting to be more visible. I think the one thing I really want people to carry with them is that visibility without value is the enemy of longevity.

[Renee Kafuku]

Hello. That's good.

[Courtney Boateng]

You will have a very short lived career, a very short lived moment if you do not have anything valuable to present when the light is shone on you. And I think there's an easy way for us in our time to become visible.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

Social media is simply algorithms that need to be understood and appealed to.

[Renee Kafuku]

That's it.

[Courtney Boateng]

Once you understand that, you can go viral tomorrow if you want to. Do you go. I mean, and I'm not downplaying how hard it is to be a creator or how hard it is to be an entrepreneur, or how hard it is to get yourself in front of the people you want to be in front of, which I'll get to. There are logistics to it, but once it's understood or once the algorithm decides today's your day, it's like a lottery, right?

[Renee Kafuku]

You win, that's it.

[Courtney Boateng]

And you're now visible. But if what becomes visible has no value, no one's coming back. You don't get that opportunity again. If people and I, I always used to when I was running an E commerce company, company, different people who were successful in E commerce would say this really powerful thing. Is your business ready for if Today Oprah Winfrey shared that she loves your stuff. Are you actually ready? Do you have the infrastructure?

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

Do you have the systems? Do you have the capacity? Do you have the available products? Do you have the right, oh, I feel like I'm out of that world. But have you got the right channels for people to be able to find what it is that you're putting out there? Right. Or would that be a lost opportunity, a wasted opportunity? And so if you do not understand that once you are made visible, do you actually have something to present?

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

If you don't, that opportunity will rarely come back again. Those people will rarely come back again, back again to look at you, to check out what you're doing. So this is a time if you are trying to make sure you're positioning yourself for visibility or hyper visibility, depending on how you see it. If you are trying to position yourself to be visible, you must first work on your value. You should first work on being able to consistently deliver value, making sure that when people see you, they find something that's worth keeping around. Right. I think of Joseph in the Bible, right. He was prophesying to people in prison. He was able to interpret dreams in prison. He was able to tell people what was going to happen in prison. And he was also able to come up with solutions for those problems in prison. He was a leader wherever he was. And so when he got his break, opportunity to go to Potiphar and say, hey, not even Potiphar, to go to Pharaoh and say, hey, this is the dream that you have and this is what it means. He didn't fumble the bag because there's value here and not only can I tell you what it means, I can even add more value and give you the solution that you actually need. That is the key to promotion. If he had gone there and he had said, this is what your dream means, but I don't have a solution for it. Or maybe I was able to interpret their dream, but I can't interpret your dream because I haven't harnessed that gift. You've wasted your opportunity. Go back to prison and stay there.

[Renee Kafuku]

They might have even killed him. Child.

[Courtney Boateng]

Simple as. Exactly. But instead, his ability to leverage an opportunity to be seen led to promotion that couldn't be undone. Promotion that helped his family, promotion that genuinely helped an entire people.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

For a long time. And so the question is, have you prepared yourself to be valuable enough so that when your moment of visibility comes, it won't be cut short? Right. Because I. And I. I really appreciate what you said about me earlier, but I think one of the main reasons why I've had quite a long career. I've been doing content for 10 years.

[Renee Kafuku]

That's what I'm saying.

[Courtney Boateng]

Crazy.

[Renee Kafuku]

That's what I'm saying.

[Courtney Boateng]

I've been doing content for 10 years. And I always used to think, oh, with all these breaks I'd be taking, child, the people don't want nothing to do with me. And genuinely having conversations with people who are like, no, we still want what you have. And having to be affirmed in myself that I do carry something that's valuable means that there's longevity to this career. And we're living amidst a time where visibility is easy to cultivate. Longevity is not.

[Renee Kafuku]

Courtney. People are still looking for Adele, Kendrick Lamar. Where you at? We're still. Even Dave, this one that he dropped. Listen, Dave, he dropped his album before that. Where you. Where were you?

[Courtney Boateng]

Where you at?

[Renee Kafuku]

Where you at? To deliver things of value, it takes time.

[Courtney Boateng]

It takes time.

[Renee Kafuku]

And again, not this becoming like a I love Courtney and stuff.

[Courtney Boateng]

Oh, stop it.

[Renee Kafuku]

Don't do it.

[Courtney Boateng]

Let's talk about something else.

[Renee Kafuku]

It's just a great. You see, this is what I say about character.

[Courtney Boateng]

It's important.

[Renee Kafuku]

It is important. When you take these breaks of yours, I think sometimes you downplay. You kind of make it sound frivolous, but you actually end up doing so much soul searching during those breaks, and you actually come back and say things of value. Do you know what I mean? It's not even just that, oh, like, guys, I went. And then, hi, guys, I'm back. So, yeah, here's my haul. You give us stuff.

[Courtney Boateng]

I love a haul.

[Renee Kafuku]

You do. But you also give us stuff with the hall. You know what I mean? Like it is being intentional about the value that you bring and understanding that sometimes in order to provide value, you do need to take some time away from the spotlight to be able to cultivate the land.

[Courtney Boateng]

Yeah. And it's that simple. It's that simple. So, yeah, that's. That would be my first thing. Visibility without value is the enemy of longevity. If you want to have a sustained long career, a long moment. A moment can be extended by value.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

How many of us have become a customer of Apple and we have stayed with Apple. Who would have thought that you buying that one phone would have kept you in an ecosystem for 10 years?

[Renee Kafuku]

That's actually a hostage. This is a hostage.

[Courtney Boateng]

And it's very hard for you to get out. Why? Value is consistently provided. Now, whether it's value competitively, they got a monopoly that somehow they've got you because they provided you with something that is valuable. Ease.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

Yeah. If I get rid of my iPhone now, how is my next Android going to connect with my iPad? And how's that going to connect with my MacBook? And how am I going to be able to copy and paste from my phone to my laptop?

[Renee Kafuku]

Right.

[Courtney Boateng]

Do you get what I mean? It's an ecosystem. The ecosystem is the value that's locked you in and it's sustained Apple for decades. So if you do not deliver value when you are visible.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

There is no longevity guaranteed for your career. I also think that, that visibility can be in quantity and in quality. And if we get so hung up on quantity, we'll forget the importance and the value of the quality. I remember talking to a mentor and her saying to me with this content creation thing.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

Ensure that you're not just appealing to many people, but the right people.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

If your video only gets five views. But one of those views is Oprah Winfrey. One of those views is the president. One of those views is someone who can legitimately change your entire life. Who cares about 50,000 views compared to 5?

[Renee Kafuku]

They can't pay your bills. Baby.

[Courtney Boateng]

This is a life changing opportunity, honey. Why? Because the quality of the audience determines the outcome of the visibility. Right. If you are visible to people who cannot make that much of a difference in your. In your life. Now I'm not saying underappreciate anyone who spends any time interacting with what you do, but there is something about cultivating a quality audience and also allowing yourself to treat everyone as someone who can open the door for you. That stops you from focusing so much on how many people and thinking about what type of people. And that's why we now need to talk about alongside your visibility, you need to be thinking about your position positioning. Because being visible in the wrong position leads to frustration.

[Renee Kafuku]

See, clock it, clock it.

[Courtney Boateng]

Being visible in the wrong position leads to frustration. Right.

[Renee Kafuku]

Really good.

[Courtney Boateng]

What's the point? What is the point of a thousand people seeing you if none of them can help you access what you actually need? And so now the question is, what do you actually need if you don't actually have a vision for where you're going? Visibility is irrelevant. Visibility becomes very relevant and very useful when you have a vision for where you're going. Because now when the eyes land on you, you know what to ask for. How many of us have wasted opportunities because an open door came, but we didn't have a question, we didn't have a need, we didn't have an ask.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

You get audience with. I remember being invited to 10 Downing street and literally, literally having this whole conversation within somebody who worked for the government. They weren't an mp, but they were like a very influential government leader. And them turning and asking me and being like, so what can I do to. For you? Like to support you? I had nothing to ask. I don't ha. I haven't figured out my need. I'm just so happy to be here. I don't think that's.

[Renee Kafuku]

I'm just pleased.

[Courtney Boateng]

I'm just pleased to be received. I don't think you understand. I am so pleased to be here and leaving that room and talking to somebody who was a main reason why I was in that room. And her being, being like that was the only mistake that you made. You could have asked for the opportunity to use 10 Downing street as an event space.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

You could have asked for this person to. I didn't need them to mentor me or that person to intro you to this person. Yeah, but because you didn't do your research, because you didn't have a vision, because you're not thinking about what you need, you're just so grateful to be visible that you're forgetting that you, you have a need.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

And that visibility is a resource to achieve that need.

[Renee Kafuku]

That's so.

[Courtney Boateng]

So good visibility in itself is not the reward. Visibility is the resource for what you need. Right. So now that you have this visibility with this quality audience, person, what you got, you blew it. Perfect opportunity to ask for what you need. So I think it's remembering that when you have visibility with the right People, it's positioning for you to ask and get what, what you need. It's leverage. If you don't engage with it in that way and think about it in that way, you'll get so caught up in vanity metrics that your whole life becomes vanity. And I think visibility can quickly become vanity when we lose a sense of purpose and vision.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

If you do not have vision, your visibility has no meaning. It has no you. You're visible and everyone can see. But for what reason? Yeah, for what reason? To what benefit and to what end? As well, because all you'll now be chasing is more and more. I want more people to see, more people to see you doing what? And also the more people that see you, the more vulnerable you become. The more vulnerable you become. Just think about it in plain, in the real world, the more people you're exposed to, the more likely you are to become sick.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

And to actually catch some kind of infection, the more likely you are to also be harmful, harmed, and no one know what happened to you. And so I think it's important for us to remember that our visit, our lack of visibility in particular seasons can sometimes be a blessing and can sometimes be protection for us to prepare for that moment of visibility and be able to handle it well and to not get so caught up in it that we miss it and miss what we were meant to get from it. And I, I will say from my experience, that's been a lot, a lot of times, especially because of what happens online.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

You're so visible, visible, but you don't have anything that, that visibility is leading to, that viral moment goes to waste.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

Because you have nothing. You're not positioning anything. There's no ask. So have a purpose, have a genuine purpose. And I think lastly, that also anchors your identity because you're not so caught up. I think what's very tempting is like I was saying with vanity metrics, to chase things that don't change anything. You're chasing followers, but you don't know how to convert followers to money. You're chasing network, but you don't know how to convert network to impact.

[Renee Kafuku]

What's the point?

[Courtney Boateng]

What is the point? What is the actual point? Like, if you're not careful, you'll get so caught up in being seen that you forget that your life is entirely patters.

[Renee Kafuku]

And the people that are seeing you have no capacity to put that life

[Courtney Boateng]

back together, nor do they care. Because often times people are so enamored with what they've seen in the moment on a Surface level that they won't do their due diligence to look deeper. But then what that also means is you don't have enough people invested in you and in your life to help you sort out the things that are falling apart behind. Behind the scenes, you will have so many people who look up to you as a relationship creator, but they don't realize your marriage is on the rocks.

[Renee Kafuku]

Crazy.

[Courtney Boateng]

Nor do they care enough to help you build it back up crazy. That is tough.

[Renee Kafuku]

What a horrifying situation.

[Courtney Boateng]

That is really, really tough. So as much as you are positioning yourself for visibility, build the infrastructure, as you were saying, build the infrastructure in your life to make sure that you have a quality life.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

Behind the scenes, I've been like focusing so much on how offline is the new luxury. Building your offline life in an online world cannot be underestimated.

[Renee Kafuku]

Such a beautiful thing.

[Courtney Boateng]

It is a beautiful opportunity for you to anchor your sanity and anchor your life. Baby, touch that something real. Touch that grass and something that's unchanging. If Instagram deleted your Instagram to the YouTube your page today, it's fine. I'm going home to my warm home and a family that loves me.

[Renee Kafuku]

Hello.

[Courtney Boateng]

And I can reboot this all again or I can choose. It's a. It's an opportunity to pivot to something else.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

And I think what can be tempting is to put your identity, your self esteem, your self worth in these visible moments, thinking that you are the sum total of these visuals moments, forgetting that that should actually just be the surface of who you are. It should just be the surface level of who you are. And I love what you said about, you know, when you think about actors and athletes and all these people who are amazing, but we don't know much about their personal life. I think it's because they've led with value. They've led with understanding that their private life is very important to keeping them anchored. And if all they can give to the people is the value that they bring to the world, their talent, their gift, their excellence, their diligence in a particular space, that's all they're willing to give. I am an athlete and I think that's why it's so important, like in a time of visibility, to categorize yourself. Not necessarily to have a niche, but to accurately categorize yourself. Everyone who's visible is not a social media influencer. Yeah. You need to know one thing that I was, I reflect on quite heavily is like people who consider, as much as I have a very Public profile, or I'm a celebrity, I am first an artist or I am first an author or I am first an athlete. Like I am this before. I am all of this to you guys. Right. And to me centrally, this is my craft. And no matter what happens, really important. I have what I. I have. Do you get what I mean? And this is what actually matters. And I think before you ask for visibility, you need to know your central thing. What is your. Not your niche, but what is your craft? What is your craft?

[Renee Kafuku]

What do you bring?

[Courtney Boateng]

We need to call on. If they need to call on a craftsman. Yes. They will call probably on the most visible craftsman, which is why visibility is important. But if you come and you have been working more on your marketing than you your have craft, it's over. One down the list, it's over for you. And then they'll go and find somebody who ain't visible but does good work. Great, good work. And that's the person that gets the longevity.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

Right. And so I, I think having been offline for a long time, like the last year, like just really speaking to people, you just realize the people who are actually making ish happen. And it's not because. Because they are the most visible. It's not because they have the most followers. It's because they have the right audience.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

Of the right people who can actually do things for them.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

They know what their purpose is and where they're going. And they haven't gotten so caught up in vanity metrics that they forget to sharpen their craft. They accept I'm not a content creator, but I'm a great politician. I'm a great policy writer. I'm a great PR manager. I'm so good at that. That. That put me in front of anyone and I'll shine. And now the visibility just becomes an add on. And I think that's why I, I think this would be a really. I thought this was a really great conversation because I think visibility should be one of the last things you think about. Completely amplification.

[Renee Kafuku]

Completely Agree.

[Courtney Boateng]

But I think maybe some people may be tempted to think about it first because of the pressure.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah. Yeah. I, I love the reframing of visibility as a tool.

[Courtney Boateng]

Yeah.

[Renee Kafuku]

As a resource. Because I think. Exactly. Because when you're situating visibility as a goal, you'll get there and realize, what do I do with this? Yeah. And how do I sustain this? And because this is the goal, that means it's basically. There's no boundaries. All of a sudden it's. I Must do whatever I can do to stay visible.

[Courtney Boateng]

Good.

[Renee Kafuku]

And a person without boundaries and principles when it comes to visibility, ah, they'll sell their arm for gold. They'll say, you'll literally become beholden to the visibility itself, beholden to a performer, if you will, and you will burn out very, very quickly because the goal is just visibility and to have eyes on you. And that's not a sustainable way to live constantly in the spotlight. So I love the fact that even from a sequence in perspective, make sure that you're good at something before you're visible. And it sounds so logical and so intuitive, but I think that sometimes when we do hear messages out of context or as you were mentioning, the immense pressure to look like you have it all together, you prematurely pursue something that was meant to be end stage, but you're at the first stage. And I, I often think about very young people that like it.

[Courtney Boateng]

That's it, you know.

[Renee Kafuku]

Oh yeah, I need to be outside giving value. But you just got here. Do you know what I mean? Like, it's okay to spend some time away honing your craft.

[Courtney Boateng]

Yeah.

[Renee Kafuku]

Like it's so, it's so simple. But when Jesus was born, we heard he was born and then he had a long period of. We ain't hear about his childhood, we ain't hear about him.

[Courtney Boateng]

Just see him at 30.

[Renee Kafuku]

This as far as I'm concerned, he popped up at 30 something and that was when he really pursued. Pursued the purpose of his life. It's okay for things to take time and for you to hone your craft away from the cameras. Hone in because it's in honing that craft away from the cameras, that will give you the sustainability that you need. When the cameras are rolling. Yeah, heaven forbid the cameras are rolling. You ain't got nothing for us. You ain't got nothing for us.

[Courtney Boateng]

And you know what? I think it's because visibility can sometimes, or the idea of being more visible can. It can appeal to our human needs.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yes.

[Courtney Boateng]

I want to be affirmed. I want to be acknowledged. I want attention. I want esteem.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

I want to be considered first amongst my equals. I want that. Right. There's this desire. Or even if it's not coming from a place of arrogance or hyper ambition, it's coming from a place of I don't want to be the one that's left out. I don't want to be the one that becomes. Becomes irrelevant.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

And oftentimes what visibility gives to us is the. Not the ego boost, but the esteem boost that working on Your craft, doesn't it?

[Renee Kafuku]

Because who is going to validate your craft if you're doing it in the.

[Courtney Boateng]

Who validates practice? No one validates practice. We validate performance. Right. No one. How Very simple analogy. How many people are in the standard understands when basketball players are practicing facts? No one.

[Renee Kafuku]

That's so true.

[Courtney Boateng]

But when they're playing, everyone's there, baby. And it appeals to you, right? It can. Everyone's seeing me. Everyone thinks I'm great. Oh, my gosh. But you forget that moments like that are prepared for. And preparation doesn't have an audience.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yes.

[Courtney Boateng]

So it's okay to have moments where you are invisible.

[Renee Kafuku]

You should.

[Courtney Boateng]

As long as you are practicing. If you are practicing on your craft, if you are sharpening your craft, that is often done in the dark. It's done by yourself. It's done with your team. It's done with people that actually matter. It's done with your coach, the people that can actually help you. And it's done by yourself. You working on yourself diligently to improve who you are, that in that moment, in that season of your life, you should also drown out the need for people's applause. You should fall so in love with your craft and what you are doing doing that you're happy to do it when no one is there to clap.

[Renee Kafuku]

In fact, you should be. That's really important.

[Courtney Boateng]

And even when people are there clapping, you should be so zeroed in on what you're doing because that's what you've been practicing, you know, and so I think it. Imagine being someone who, like an athlete, you've. You've. You've been laid up to take a free throw. Do you get what I mean? You're laid up to get the winning shot, and now you become distracted by people shouting and people applauding and people booing, and you're now distracted in your moment. It's crazy work, but that focus is learned and disciplined and cultivated. When you're practicing.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yes. It's really.

[Courtney Boateng]

When it's just you and the goal, it's a skill. It doesn't matter whether people are there. It's just me and the goal. And when you hear a lot of athletes talk, that's what they say. Even in the midst of a full stadium, it's just me and the goal.

[Renee Kafuku]

This is it.

[Courtney Boateng]

If they're a singer, it's just me and the mic.

[Renee Kafuku]

And it needs be to. To be. Because we assumed that visibility is always positive. Could you imagine being a top athlete and you've missed or for Example, when was it one of the World Cups or whatever. You're playing for England and you miss your penalty.

[Courtney Boateng]

Yeah. Miss it.

[Renee Kafuku]

You miss the same. Especially for my black players.

[Courtney Boateng]

Yeah. I think that was Rashford Sterling.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yes.

[Courtney Boateng]

Yeah.

[Renee Kafuku]

Imagine you have the attention of the entire world. You've got. You've got geezers. Yeah. That have believed in you for, like, the last few years or whatever. You miss your penalty, and now they're calling you monkey.

[Courtney Boateng]

Like, literally, if it wasn't for the love of the game, you'd never return.

[Renee Kafuku]

Oh. Like when you may. You know that saying, live by the. Live by the sword, die by the sword. If you live by the applause of people, you will die by their criticism.

[Courtney Boateng]

Yeah.

[Renee Kafuku]

Because the criticism will come. Listen, visibility is not for the faint of heart. And that's why you need to learn to tune it out. Because as much as the positive affirmation that visibility can bring can be so distracting, acting, the criticism can be crippling.

[Courtney Boateng]

Yes.

[Renee Kafuku]

There are content creators, there are celebrities. There are some people that we have. We will never see again because of the criticism. There are some people that have lost their lives because of that level of criticism. This is not. It's not a joke. When you listen, this whole visibility. I want people to see me. There's some crazy people that can see you. Like, really crazy. People that will send you hate mail. Yeah. People that will send you death threats. Like, that's what visibility can sometimes come with.

[Courtney Boateng]

Yeah.

[Renee Kafuku]

And so we need to learn. Yes, it's a resource. Yes. It's a wonderful thing. But it's important that you have that craft, because sometimes even the people that loved you for your craft will hate you when you miss a beat.

[Courtney Boateng]

Yeah.

[Renee Kafuku]

Because we're not perfect.

[Courtney Boateng]

Yeah.

[Renee Kafuku]

In the practicing, like, the beauty of practicing is that you can get things wrong and there won't be any repercussions. There's repercussions when you get things wrong in the limelight. Yeah. Like, I'm thinking about if you are in the theater, Right. And you're an actor and you get a line wrong.

[Courtney Boateng]

Yeah.

[Renee Kafuku]

Oh, people are going to notice.

[Courtney Boateng]

Yeah.

[Renee Kafuku]

There are other actors, ensemble cast, that are literally waiting on you to say a particular line and you've messed up. Oh, that's the whole experience gone.

[Courtney Boateng]

Yes.

[Renee Kafuku]

And so practicing isn't just about, like, making sure that you're good, but also being able to withstand when you're not good.

[Courtney Boateng]

Yeah.

[Renee Kafuku]

Because you ain't gonna be perfect when you're in the limelight, and people will

[Courtney Boateng]

hate you for it. Ah. Facts. And I think, I think that also goes to say that one of the most powerful things you can do for yourself as an ambitious person.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

Is to tell yourself, I'm not ready.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

To actually acknowledge I'm not ready yet.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

Right. And to, to. To really humble yourself enough to say, I need more practice or I need to get better or I can. And I, I think this is why spiritual discernment is so important.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

I can discern that it's not my season yet.

[Renee Kafuku]

And that's okay.

[Courtney Boateng]

I can imagine, like you were saying for Jesus. Right. How many times in Jesus's life he would probably do something. And many people will be thinking, damn, you might be the message Messiah. And how many. Even when he started his ministry, how many times did he have to tell the demons, don't announce me yet. Even when Mary was trying to get him to do the first miracle that's recorded. Right. It's not that that was his first miracle, full stop. It's the first miracle that was recorded in Matthew. How many, How. How fast was he to say, it's not my time yet. It's not my time yet. And yet. And it couldn't have been his first miracle because Mary was aware he can do miracles.

[Renee Kafuku]

Son, do that. I know that, boy. Son, do that little thing that you

[Courtney Boateng]

like to do, that thing you do at home, do it now. You know, when your parents are trying to get you to dance for your

[Renee Kafuku]

dance with your uncle.

[Courtney Boateng]

But he told her, it's not my time yet. I think discernment of seasons helps so much on the road of accomplishing purpose. You must discern. Is this my season to be visible or is this my silent season? Is this my season of being in the background? And it's okay to acknowledge that. It's okay to acknowledge knowledge that I need more time to be diligent. I need more time to be processed. I need more time to be fortified. Right. Right now. I do not have the emotional, spiritual, physical maturity to handle what I'm called to do. Yeah. And if I had visibility, visibility would add a weight. That would become a burden. And it would no longer be an opportunity.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

It would become the end of me. And so sometimes the best thing you can do for your yourself as an ambitious person to tell yourself, not now. It's okay. It's okay. I know everything inside of you is probably thinking, go, go, go. Do it, do it, do it. You're going to fall behind. Absolutely not.

[Renee Kafuku]

Fall behind who?

[Courtney Boateng]

There's absolutely not. If you are still on this earth, and you still possess your craft and you still possess your talent. And God has told you not now. It's because he has a time when it will be now. And this ain't the time.

[Renee Kafuku]

It's not now baby.

[Courtney Boateng]

This is not the time. And you can put yourself in a pickle by doing things prematurely without the grace, without God on your side because you're doing it in. In his timing. You can. And this isn't to make someone so paranoid that they don't ever start.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

Because it's not about perfectionism, but it is about practice.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

And it is about getting better. If you do things prematurely, you can cut your journey short.

[Renee Kafuku]

Exactly. Exactly.

[Courtney Boateng]

You can cut your journey short. Now what was meant to be decades and decades of legacy and image impact has now become two or three great years. And now you're irrelevant because you were not prepared enough. Or now you're. You can't handle to keep running anymore. You weren't physically, emotionally, spiritually prepared.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

Or mature enough to carry this calling. And now in three years you're burnt out. And you're so burnt out that you never return. And now you've worked yourself out of it. I think one thing our generation needs to learn is nobody is above being the diligent. Nobody is above being processed. No one.

[Renee Kafuku]

You have to be.

[Courtney Boateng]

And if you are not, no one is above the consequences of that. The greatest of men fall because they were not prepared for their visibility or their power. And if they to fall.

[Renee Kafuku]

Ah. My favorite words. Me.

[Courtney Boateng]

How much more so you so just preparing yourself. Really preparing yourself. And I think it, it means you also have to let go of this idea of ah. Everything has to be done now, now, now, now, now, now. Patience my dear, patience.

[Renee Kafuku]

Wait for your now.

[Courtney Boateng]

Wait for your now. Wait for your now. And to everyone who does feel like this is their year of being visible. Go for it.

[Renee Kafuku]

Oh let us see.

[Courtney Boateng]

Display your value. And let us see you be. Be unafraid. Unashamed. Display the value of your story, the value of your gift. Do it and do it well. Do it well. Do it well. And if you can't be confident that you'll do it well, go back to

[Renee Kafuku]

try again next time. It's okay.

[Courtney Boateng]

And you can also do practice with visibility.

[Renee Kafuku]

Exactly.

[Courtney Boateng]

Because it's just about managing your availability. Right. It's. I don't have to say yes to every opportunity to be on stage cuz I need to be behind the scenes doing the work. I don't have to be releasing content five times a day cuz I need to be working on the life that will give me that content.

[Renee Kafuku]

Can you imagine?

[Courtney Boateng]

Right. Balance, balance, balance. And don't be pressured by culture. Be led with discernment. That's the main thing.

[Renee Kafuku]

That's very good. Put it on a T shirt, man.

[Courtney Boateng]

Maybe we will. But yeah, visibility. What a year, man. What a year 2025 was. What a time we are in when it comes to social media. Crazy child.

[Renee Kafuku]

If it ain't something, it's something. Anyways, sisters, as we are even amongst the visible ones, because as you're watching this and hearing this, you can see us. Yeah.

[Courtney Boateng]

And it comes with a weight.

[Renee Kafuku]

Yeah, it does. It really does. But I, I think, think I would like to think that we have tried to steward it.

[Courtney Boateng]

Well, we are trying.

[Renee Kafuku]

We are trying. That's all we can do. We can try. So you can let us know if you think we're doing a good job. We need the encouragement to keep it up. But sisters, is this your year of visibility? Let us know in the comments below so we can amplify that visibility, you know what I'm saying?

[Courtney Boateng]

Right?

[Renee Kafuku]

Love it. Cracking.

[Courtney Boateng]

Love it.

[Renee Kafuku]

But yeah, sisters, please, you can follow us everywhere on all social media platforms you already know at to my sisterhood on everything from LinkedIn to X. Sorry, Mr. Musk. X to Instagram to Tick Tock. We are all over it. And this is really a year where the sisterhood, we have to take over.

[Courtney Boateng]

That's right.

[Renee Kafuku]

We have to spill over. And of course you can come and follow us individually, my lovely friend, the baddie in blue at CD Boateng. And you can come and follow me over at Renee Kafuku.

[Courtney Boateng]

We love to see. Yeah. Make sure that you sign up to our mailing list on our website to my sisters.com to stay plugged into everything that we are doing as a community. A global community at that. So you may be coming to a city near you or taking you to a city far away.

[Renee Kafuku]

O Romantic. Romantic. Oh, gosh. All right, sisters. Well, as always, we love you and keep glowing and growing.

[Courtney Boateng]

Brillioso Sam,

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