Logging Off to Level Up: Why Offline is the New Luxury

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Logging Off to Level Up: Why Offline is the New Luxury"

Episode Release Date: August 3, 2025
Hosts: Courtney Daniella Boateng & Renée Kapuku

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Introduction

In this episode of "To My Sisters," hosts Courtney Daniella Boateng and Renée Kapuku explore the pressing topic of digital detoxing and its significance in today's hyper-connected world. Titled "Logging Off to Level Up: Why Offline is the New Luxury," the conversation delves into personal experiences, societal trends, and practical advice on navigating the balance between online presence and offline well-being.

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Listener Dilemma: Navigating Friendship Breakup

The episode begins with a heartfelt dilemma submitted by a listener from Trinidad and Tobago. She shares her experience of ending a four-year friendship after her university graduation, feeling led by her faith to distance herself despite the amicable nature of the separation.

Key Points:

• Understanding the Decision: Renee emphasizes the importance of introspection and understanding the reasons behind ending the friendship. She advises the listener to consider if the relationship was hindering her spiritual growth or personal well-being.

  “...it's not necessarily blaming the other person, but it's also being very introspective as to how am I contributing to a condition, environment or a place where I'm not as close to God as I need to be.” (04:35)

• Processing Grief: Both hosts acknowledge the pain involved in ending long-term friendships, especially when romantic feelings are intertwined. They encourage allowing oneself time to heal and seek support within one's community.

  “Friendships are very deep. And especially three to four years is a very long time for someone to be your best friend... you will feel heartbroken and sis, it's not going to be something that will go away immediately.” (05:20)

• Encouraging Growth: Courtney adds that trust in divine guidance can aid in the healing process, reinforcing faith in future opportunities and relationships.

  “...because you're the one who ended the friendship. Unless you are trying to like reconcile, you know, birth a new form of relationship with him...” (11:31)

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Main Discussion: The Necessity of a Digital Detox

After addressing the listener's dilemma, Courtney and Renée transition into the core topic of the episode: whether stepping away from social media is essential for personal growth and well-being.

Personal Experiences with Digital Detox

Both hosts share their journeys of reducing social media usage, highlighting the mental and emotional benefits they've experienced.

• Renee's Perspective:

  Renee explains how she unintentionally began her digital detox as life became more demanding. She recognized that social media was consuming her mental energy and diverting her focus from meaningful relationships and personal growth.

  “Social media can take up a lot of my mental real estate... I really need all of my energy to be present with my friends, like the people that love me, my family.” (16:02)

  She discusses the impact of constant content creation and consumption on her creativity and mental health, ultimately choosing to prioritize real-life interactions and personal development.

  “...I don't like that. I want to rediscover my passion for certain things... I've been so much more calm, more collected.” (24:01)

• Courtney's Insights:

  Courtney resonates deeply with Renee's reasons for stepping back from social media. She emphasizes reclaiming time and attention, which are heavily taxed by online platforms.

  “Social media runs on the currency of attention... It dictates the way you think, it dictates the way you act.” (16:02)

  Courtney highlights the shift from reactive to proactive content creation, finding inspiration from within rather than external trends.

  “Allowing myself to step back and read books, watch films, go to places... has been nothing short of life-changing.” (27:57)

Recognizing the Signs You Need a Digital Detox

The hosts outline several indicators that suggest a digital detox might be necessary:

1. Mental Exhaustion:

   Feeling constantly tired despite low physical activity can indicate that digital consumption is draining mental resources.

   “Even if you're doing something passive like scrolling, it's draining your energy.” (32:49)

2. Overdependence on Devices:

   Using phones as a crutch in social situations or avoiding boredom through constant digital engagement.

   “My phone was becoming my crutch... I'm addicted to this thing.” (32:49)

3. Impatience and Reduced Attention Span:

   Difficulty waiting and a preference for instant gratification can stem from prolonged exposure to fast-paced digital content.

   “I almost embarrassed myself for the way I was laughing at that video... your attention span is probably shattered.” (41:35)

4. Neglected Relationships:

   Superficial online interactions replacing meaningful offline connections.

   “Are you actually invested in what your friends and family are going through? Can you account for what they're going through?” (39:37)

Balancing Offline Life with Online Presence

Courtney and Renee offer strategies to maintain a healthy balance between digital and real-world engagements:

• Intentional Consumption:

  Rather than passively consuming content, approach online activities with clear intentions and purposes.

  “Cultivating a behavior and a practice of intentional consumption.” (60:00)

• Selective Engagement:

  Limit exposure to platforms that encourage constant scrolling and instead focus on meaningful interactions and content.

  “Platforms like YouTube and podcasts are less automatic and more intentional compared to TikTok.” (44:30)

• Reframing and Appreciation:

  Shift focus from comparing oneself to others on social media to appreciating personal experiences and achievements.

  “Don't think about your life in comparison to anyone... see the beauty in what you have.” (51:07)

• Practical Tips:

  • Set Boundaries: Use features like Do Not Disturb (DND) to manage phone usage.

  • Journaling: Reflect on the time spent online versus offline and its impact on personal well-being.

  • Engage in Offline Activities: Rediscover hobbies, spend quality time with loved ones, and explore new interests without the mediation of digital devices.

    “Give yourself time to be present with people... take calls rather than scrolling.” (32:49)

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Conclusion and Call to Action

As the episode wraps up, Courtney and Renee encourage listeners to evaluate their own digital habits and consider taking steps toward a digital detox if needed. They invite the community to share their experiences and thoughts on the topic through comments and submissions on their website.

Key Takeaways:

• Self-Awareness: Recognize the signs of digital overwhelm and understand the personal reasons behind the need for a detox.
• Community Support: Engage with supportive communities both online and offline to facilitate healing and growth.
• Intentional Living: Prioritize meaningful activities and relationships over passive consumption of digital content.

“Praying for nothing but the best for you as always and have a wonderful week and as always, keep going.” (62:24)

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Notable Quotes

• Renee Kapuku:
  “Social media can take up a lot of my mental real estate.” (00:38)

• Courtney Daniella Boateng:
  “Social media runs on the currency of attention and when you give it so much attention, it begins to run your whole life.” (16:02)

• Renee Kapuku:
  “I've chosen to divest from things that are starting to impact who I am as a person.” (16:02)

• Courtney Daniella Boateng:
  “They dictate the way you think, they dictate the way you act.” (00:49)

• Renee Kapuku:
  “There are things in the real world that can keep us occupied that are more than just these perfectly curated shots of dopamine.” (50:27)

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Further Engagement

Listeners are encouraged to join the "To My Sisters" community through their website 2mysisters.com, participate in live events in London, and engage with the hosts on various social media platforms to continue the conversation around holistic wellness and personal growth.

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Note: Timestamps correspond to the provided transcript and are indicative of where the quotes appear within the episode.

Transcript

[Renee]

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[Courtney]

I'm just helping this catch people's attention. This is a great deal.

[Renee]

Exactly. So it doesn't need all that.

[Listener]

Fine.

[Renee]

Get the new iPhone 16e available at Apple Store locations and the Apple Store online.

[Listener]

Visit your nearest Boost Mobile store for full offer details. Apple Intelligence requires iOS 18.1 or later. Restrictions apply.

[Courtney]

Whether you need to log off to level up. Is it time for a digital detox?

[Listener]

Social media can take up a lot of my mental real estate.

[Courtney]

Social media runs on the currency of.

[Listener]

Attention now more than ever before. Have I recognized that I actually need all of my energy to be present?

[Courtney]

It dictates the way you think, it dictates the way you act.

[Listener]

Actually testing yourself sometimes going out and saying, you know what, I'm gonna take no like videos or photos.

[Courtney]

I think it's important to find yourself your different avenues of inspiration and that's always, that's not always going to come from social media.

[Listener]

Actually living in the moment is actually a practice now. Hello and welcome to the To My Sisters podcast. I'm Renee.

[Courtney]

And I'm Courtney and we are your online sisters and hosts of the To My Sisters podcast.

[Listener]

Now we are all about promoting the wellness, growth and development of a community of sisters across the world.

[Courtney]

And in today's conversation we are going to be talking, talking about whether you need to log off to level up. Is it time for a digital detox Now? This conversation is inspired by the fact that for the both of us this year, yeah, pretty much definitely taking a bit of a step back from social media. Y' all may be seeing us as often. Yeah, apart from on the podcast obviously. And that's for various reasons which hopefully we can delve into on the pod. But I think there's this overall trend around how digital detoxing is becoming more of a thing. People are taking a step away from the Internet, social media being so hyper connected with the world and just over consuming content too much. But also there is another rising narrative around whether offline is the new luxury, whether people are actually taking a step back from the digital world because they are finding joy in other things again and learning to cultivate those parts of their life. So I wanted us to jump into all of those different parts of it and see kind of where we're standing with social media and things that the girlies can kind of think about when it comes to their relationship with the Internet and with content and with social media. So yeah, that's what we're looking forward to today. But before we get into that, some housekeeping announcements. Darling, if you would like to ever meet us in person, we are having a couple of events in our home city of London. So grab yourself a ticket down in the description or make sure that you sign up to our mailing list so that you never miss an announcement so that we can party together, go to dinner together, you can come to one of our live shows. It's always a great time. It is to tell you from first hand. Experience, experience, literally is always a great time. Literally. The, the love in the room, the conversations, the friendship, the fact that this is an offline space where you can actually choose to exist and find like minded people. We love curating these spaces and it would be an honor to have you there with us. So come along, come along. Is there any other housekeeping announcement?

[Listener]

That's all for now. Just make sure that you see our faces in person. Let's ladies will be working on other places we know. Okay, London bias, whatever, but we're working on it. Please let us know.

[Courtney]

We will get there. We will get there by God's grace. All right, well, since there's no more housekeeping announcements, let's get into a ding, ding, ding dilemma. Hey, Courtney and Renee. I'm a sister from Trinidad and Tobago. Hello, island girl.

[Listener]

Come on.

[Courtney]

And I have really appreciated your content and honesty from a Christian point of view. Here's my dilemma. I was best friends with a guy for about three to four years. He was truly a very good friend to me as well. However, after I handed in my final university project back in April, I passed it as well.

[Listener]

Period. Okay.

[Courtney]

I felt the Lord leading me to end the friendship after talking to some friends in prayer. I believe that it was truly the Lord because even though him and I were good friends, I had liked him towards the start of our friendship. But I never progressed into anything. I ended the friendship and he was gracious with me and left an olive branch just in case I needed to talk through things. I am thankful that he took it as well as he can, but it is very painful for me and I have no idea how to process anything. I feel like I shouldn't be this upset considering all that I have going for me. College graduation and admissions opportunity and October. But my heart still hurts. So please grant me some wisdom needed to process this grief. Love you guys.

[Listener]

Oh, we love you too, girl. We love you too, girl. I know what's going on, girl. There's a. There's a lot going on. Yeah. Appreciate you sending in the dilemma. I think it would be great to get a bit more context at some later date, you know what I'm saying? As to, you know, the Lord led you to end the relationship, it would be good to know a little bit more about why exactly you think that is. Is it because you were in a relationship with this guy? Friendship, of course. But it was reciprocated for a period of time and so it was distracting you from certain things. Is it that the friendship is completely ended or is it that you have new boundaries? So it would be really good to understand a little bit more. I'm going to take you at your word in that the friendship has completely ended. Mr. Man is out of the picture. You don't talk, you don't call, don't text, all that of stuff. First of all, congratulations. You have been through a very serious life transition and oh, congrats to you for pausing. Hello. Yes, Baddy, you better hope you're enjoying and all of that kind of good stuff. And it sounds like this has been a relatively good relationship. He sounds like a kind man from the way that you've described him, his graciousness in even taking the end of the friendship and, you know, the fact that he, you know, things ended on a good term. There's a lot of friendship breakups that don't necessarily end on a good term. I hope that you also are articulated well to him, the reasoning behind the friendship breakup. I know sometimes these things can be quite awkward. You hinted at the fact that obviously you liked him. So I don't know how much you may have articulated to him like, look, I need a little bit of personal space in this relationship or, you know, I need to focus on other things. And so because, you know, this relationship is probably not progressing to a place that I want it to go to, it may be distracting me. Etc. I think it, it would be worth understanding a little bit more about where you left that at. I know that sometimes we can, especially when we feel the Holy Spirit impressed upon us, we can go a bit like hooky spooky and be like, you know, the Lord told me I need to leave you alone. And that's not necessarily helpful if the message was particularly actually for you. Oftentimes when the Lord is leading us somewhere or out of a situation, it's not necessarily blaming the other person, but it's also being very introspective as to how am I contributing to a condition, environment or a place where I'm not as close to God as I need to be. And so thinking very empowerment, pathetically about the way that you're interacting with your friend and have interacted with them, I would hope that you did that. But if not, I would recommend in terms of having an olive branch, maybe making sure that you've articulated it in a way where you're taking full accountability as to why you've decided to withdraw from that friendship. I think it's very normal and natural to feel that way at the end of a friendship as well. I think sometimes when we end friendships in particular, we can think that we can move on quite quickly. But friendships are very deep. And especially three to four years is a very long time for someone to be your best friend like, and especially during a time where you're under a lot of pressure, you've been investing and confiding in this person for the best part of, you know, three, four years. Of course you will feel heartbroken and sis, it's not going to be something that will go away immediately. And I think the fact that you now also had romantic feelings in the mix. Oh, of course, girl, you'll be feeling heartbroken is basically a breakup. That's what this is. It's a breakup. And so taking some real time to affirm and process, exactly why have you left this friendship? Is it because, again, you know, you feel that the Lord has taken you to a place of deep introspection and you actually need to put a bit more boundaries in there? Is it that you've come to idolize the position of this person in your life and so, you know, it is necessary to, you know, put some distance in that relationship? Is it that as much as you know this is a really good person and you've enjoyed interacting with that person, it's actually caused you to a place where you're starting to depart from your faith and, you know, into some proclivities or activities that are a little bit, you know, they're not glorifying the Lord. All of these are valid reasons. But part of the processing and the healing journey comes from really understanding why and remaining fixed and resolute in the way that the Holy Spirit has spoken to you and God's word in this time. Genuinely, if you know, God really spoke to you in this moment, then affirming yourself in the word of the Lord around, you know, he is one that men's broken hearts. He is one that's Able to help facilitate a lot of healing is really affirming yourself in God's word and God's word for you in particular. That will help you in this season. And also the benefit of time. This seems very, very fresh. Like, you literally, you know, I was just broke up with this person. Sometimes things take time to heal. There are some things that supernatural healing is our portion, and of course that's a beautiful thing. But some things take time. Especially with the length of time and the intimacy of this relationship. It will take time to start to unfix certain things that you may have, you know, built in that intimacy and built in that space. So take time. And you not finding joy or the same amount of joy in other things is also completely normal. Again, this was a very crucial, pivotal relationship that you cultivated within your life and so on. Fixing anything of that value will be very, very difficult. But, yeah, that's what I would say, sis. I. I really do. I do wish there was a bit more context to this dilemma. I'm really keen to understand in terms of, like, the. The real, like the reasoning as to, you know, withdrawing. Not to say that. Not invalidating you in any way or whatnot, but I think there's a little bit of clarity needed as to, okay, I've left this relationship. I'm being obedient to the call of the Lord, but really affirming yourself or in the knowledge of why that was necessary, making sure that you articulated this in an empathetic way and standing firm in the process of healing above and beyond that. But, yeah, take your time with it, girls. It's three to four years down the drain and you've ended that relationship. Of course you're going to feel this way, and that's completely normal. So sending you lots and lots of love on that journey and really spending time with all the other people that you have in your community as well. As much as this is. Has been your best friend, I'm hoping, and I'm sure that you probably have other people that would be willing to invest in you as well. Obviously start thinking about some of those other relationships too. Meeting new people. You've literally come out of a really intense period. And so this is actually a great time to start thinking about, oh, how do I make new friends? Or how do I start to leverage the intimacy that I've built in other places and spaces? So, yeah, that's what I would say. But Courts would love to hear what you think as well.

[Courtney]

I completely agree. I think the only thing that I can add is at some point, because you're the person who initiated the friendship breakup, you do have to ask yourself, why am I so upset?

[Listener]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

And as I was reflecting on it, I think it's maybe a lack of understanding or a bit of a sadness towards God that he told you to do this thing. Especially because this person has been so close to you and it felt like God was the reason why you ended that relationship. Oftentimes we can have so many questions as to God, why would you tell me to do this thing? And I think it's reconciling that with God, like, okay, praying about it. Okay, what is it that I needed to leave this person for, not be friends with this person for? And above all, whether you get an answer or you don't, being like, okay, God, because I believe you had led me to do this. I trust you. I trust your instructions. I trust that you have good plans for me. And so there is a reason why you needed me to step back from this relationship. I trust that you care about the condition of my heart. I trust that you care about my well being. I trust that you care about my future. And there are things that you can see that I can't see. So I'm choosing to trust in you, despite the fact that I'm feeling the grief and I'm feeling the loss right now. And when it comes to grief, when it comes to loss, sometimes it doesn't completely go away, but sometimes it does with time. And so since this thing is actually quite fresh, it happened this year, I definitely say allow yourself to have time, to really grieve through it, to process through it and get through it, because it's not going to be overnight at all. And like Renee said, it's not uncommon to feel this kind of way about losing a relationship that was so close to you. But don't dwell on these feelings. Lean into other spaces where you can find friendship and companionship and things like that. And also it could be that, you know, those feelings that you had for him were kind of still lingering there. So now that you're no longer kind of in proximity to him in any way, you're also dealing with the friendship and you're also dealing with those romantic feelings that you could have been feeling towards him. All of those windows being closed at the same time, that is a lot and could stifle anybody. So give yourself time, girl. Give yourself time. But I would say reconcile it with God. And at some point, I'm not gonna lie, girl, you're gonna have to let it go. Because yeah, you are. I do think so. Just because you're the one who ended the friendship. I'm not trying to sound harsh, but because you're the one who ended the friendship. Unless you are trying to like reconcile, you know, birth a new form of relationship with him. I know he extended the olive branch to you, but unless you're actually trying to engage in having some kind of relations him, even if it's more casual, in terms of a casual friendship, I think you need to make decisions about what you're going to do moving forward just so that you're not double minded and so that you're not causing yourself excess grief than you actually need. It's one thing to process and then there's another thing to be stuck and stuck in a particular feeling, stuck in a particular season. And it sounds like anyway, from what you said, God is moving you into something new. So embrace that. You have all these other relationships, all these other experiences which are being birthed now in this season, now that you're graduating, waiting, now that you're going on to do great things, lean into them a bit more and don't let this keep you emotionally trapped. Absolutely. In this stage when you need to be moving forward into the future, you never know, there might be another man coming on the horizon. Then your heart's gonna be all locked up because of this guy. So this dude, let's not let that be the case. So yeah, hopefully that helps in some kind of way and there is healing on the other side of this for sure. Well, sisters, if you also have any other thoughts on this though, it'll be really great to hear them. So please put them in the comment and let our good sis know what she should do in that situation. As Renee was saying, there may not be a lot of context, but from the tidbits you can string together here and there, drop some wisdom down below. And if you have a dilemma that you would actually like to submit to the To My Sisters podcast, then you can do so on our website. You can go to 2mysisters.com and there is a dilemmas page where you can actually put in everything. Or alternatively, if you don't want to do that, you can send us an email. I guess, I guess that's old fashioned way. We didn't spend all that money on a website for you to be emailing us, but it's okay. If that's what, what works for you, then we accept, you can send. So yeah, that's the dilemma for today. But let's get into today's conversation long enough to level up whether it's time for us to have a digital detox. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think first question for me is form for your personal experience this year, why have you taken a bit of a step back from socials?

[Listener]

Oh, great question. Oh, loaded question. I'll be honest. When I started this year and I was on, you know, the social media and posting and all that kind of stuff, I don't think I intentionally started with the I'm taking a digital detox. So it wasn't a very. At least from in the beginning, it wasn't a I'm going to be off social media. I'm not like I'm making an announcement, I'm doing a social media fast or anything like that. But as the year progressed, the more and more I found myself off of social media because I found that for me, like individually, social media can take up a lot of my mental real estate. And I think because the first half of the year for me has been so pivotal, there's been so many life changes and even now, like there continues to be quite a lot of life changes. Now more than ever before have I recognized that I actually need all of my energy to be present. Like, I really, really need to be present with my friends, like the people that love me, my family. And social media was actually preventing me from doing that. And so the more and more things got more serious or the more and more, you know, it required me to just be more present, the more and more I was kind of like, I don't really want to even prioritize this at this time. And I think also being very cognizant of the impact that social media was having on me as well. I think as somebody that is both a consumer but also a creator, sometimes being a creator or constantly having that onus to like, create, create, create doesn't really lend itself naturally to people like me who actually need time to withdraw and recharge. And so the pressure, I really wanted to remove myself from the pressure of having to create, create, create and show up in this space whilst in real life I also still needed to show up as me, myself, Renee. And I think also social media can be a very massive echo chamber. I think that it exposes us to a lot of information, a lot of people and opinions that can really have quite serious marks on the way that we interact with other people in our like, present life. And so not to say that I was like completely being, you know, taken over by social media opinions or whatnot. But these kind of things, I'm a very impressionable person. These kind listen a meme. Like someone can be speaking and I will literally think of a meme to respond to them or I'll think of a particular video. And so I was becoming more and more self aware of the impact that social media was having on me. And I didn't like that. And so I just chose to divest. As I saw that I was pulling back, I chose to see that as a sign of this is my time to really be present. This is a pivotal time where actually there's quite a few things that I am birthing. Whether it be relationships or new transitions or even just a different evolution of myself. I recognized that this was a season where I needed to actually hide away, or not even hide away, but I needed to be in protective covering. I think a very long time ago, you had used the analogy of caterpillar and butterfly. And yes, I've had my butterfly moments, but there's also, in order to be that butterfly, you also need to have that caterpillar moment of I'm gonna hide away. I'm gonna spend some time, you know, getting closer to God, getting closer to my family, getting closer to the things that I really care about in real life. Especially because your digital footprint and the things that you create as well as consume, those things won't stand the test of time. Like, those are not going to be the things that I then they're not priorities to me in that way. Like, I recognize that social media, don't get me wrong, I love the Internet. Like, the Internet is great. Like, it's great for learning new things. It's great for connecting with people, knowing what, you know, what's going on in the world. So not to say that I've been completely divesting from all things social media, but I've consciously made the effort to try and pull back on the things that are starting to impact who I am as a person. Especially because I didn't like the person that I was becoming. My productivity was very like, it was getting lower and lower. My procrastination was higher. My dopamine receptors were definitely out of whack. It was given a little bit. Ooh, crackhead. And I found myself having insecurities and thoughts that I knew had no business being there. And so one of the things that I knew that was going unregulated and unchecked was my social media usage. And so that had to go. And I'm not gonna lie to you, it's been so refreshing to the point where sometimes I'm like, do I actually even want to make a huge return to social media where I'm now creating content and all of that kind of stuff? And I think because I was also recognizing that there were certain things and certain movements on social media that I just didn't want to subscribe to anymore, like the. The preoccupation with trends and people's lives that I. If I didn't have Internet, I would not know about. The fact that I felt like I was starting to lose my capacity to think for myself and group think was really like, there were certain opinions I was holding. I was like, did I really learn this for myself? Did I think through this? Or did I just adopt something that I'd seen that was popular on social media or the Internet? And I think because it. Because of those contributors to the way that I think and the things that I saw, it was just time for me, I want to say, maybe like January, around my birthday time that I was like, you know what? I have things to focus on in real life. And so let me divest from things that I know are currently negatively impacting me, but also let me use this time and funnel it into the things that I really do care about in real life. And it's been such a beautiful process and been a beautiful time because it's helped me cultivate a sense of contentment. It's also helped me divest a lot from comparison. I feel like a lot of my proclivities towards comparing myself with other people is born out of the constant scrolling, the constant need to put out content that is then validated by people that I don't know so very much. Getting into a place of just regulating my usage and divesting my energy from that and channeling it towards things that I care about has been nothing short of life changing. Like, I've been so much more calm, more collected. I feel like I have more time in my days. Again, I'm not perfect, girl. I still be scrolling on TikTok sometimes. Like, let's be clear, I'm not like coming to be holier than thou, because that's absolutely not me. I'm still working on that. But in terms of. Of at least me showing up on social media consistently, yeah, man. Aside from this podcast right now, I ain't got nothing for you just yet. And that's okay. Being content with that and building my life offline. So when I finally do feel the pullback to the online world, it will actually be authentic representative and it also won't be as a result of me falling victim to Internet group. Think so, yeah. That's currently where I'm at with the whole like digital detox. I kind of fell into it and then I started running with it. Like I just lost the, the pressure that I put on myself to constantly show up online. And it's been lovely. Like it's been so, so lovely. Like I've run out. No, not run away but I've detoxed from social media and like the Internet before. But because this season and this year has been so momentous in terms of like so many like life goals that we, this year has felt so special to me because of it. So yeah, that's how I'm feeling about the whole detox stuff. But course would definitely love to hear from you in terms of how you've been feeling about the Internet in general, showing up consistently as a content creator and how you've been approaching the whole digital detox in, in your own life season right now.

[Courtney]

Yeah, yeah. I think first of all I definitely, definitely deeply resonate with the reasons why you also like over time I've taken a step away from social media. I feel like it's the exact same reasons for me I think one, I definitely want to, I wanted to and still want to reclaim more of my time for a lot of the things that I can pour my energy into. I think our attention is so important. Like social media runs on the currency of attention and when you give it so much attention, it begins to run your whole life. Like it dictates the way you think, it dictates the way you act, it dictates the goals you set. And if you're not careful, even if you feel like, no, I'm an individual outside of my consumption, it can take at the very least time away from you pouring into these things you have decided to do of your own volition. And I was just like, no, I'm spending way too much scrolling too much time. So we scrolling too much of my attention scrolling. And at point, some, some point I think because of the nature of the work that I do. So I am a full time content creator. Like I create content full time, I speak full time. I get to do like amazing stuff like this and so many other things. Like it's very nice to be able to go online because you really, really like it. But I definitely found that my love for the Internet and online discourse and you know, finding out new things and using the Internet in the way that I first started using it to find out things. I just was losing that passion and I was just like, I don't like that. I want to rediscover my passion for certain things. So I think for myself as a creative, as a creator, I think it's important to find your different avenues of inspiration. And that's always. That's not always going to come from social media, actually. And I think allowing myself to step back and read books, watch films, go to places and see new things and just engage in different forms of media, engaging different forms of entertainment and different forms of inspiration has just allowed me to reignite. Oh, okay. I'm passionate about this. I want to create content like this. I want to have conversations like this. I want to work with this particular brand because of xy versus just being driven by, oh, that person worked with that brand. So I want to work with that brand. Or, oh, I just saw this, you know, really funny video on Instagram. And so I want to talk about this thing. Actually, the inspiration is now coming from within me versus X externally. And I think that really, that really boosts something in you as a creator. You actually feel like you're operating in your creative capacity versus in response, constantly being in response. You feel like you're actually innovating versus just being responsive to and reactive to everything that happens. And yes, that can be a great driver of engagement online as a content creator. Like, if you respond to something that's trending, that's great. But sometimes if you're constantly being somebody who's just reactive, you lose the essence of your own individuality, your own unique thinking, your own creative capacity, and your own creative genius, if I'm going to be honest. So it's been nice to reignite those things and be like, oh, I want to make a series on this. I want to have a conversation with this person. I want to think about a way I can pitch something to a brand which could be a bit more holistic than just one Instagram post. Like, it's been really just again, reawakening my creative genius. And I've really enjoyed that part alongside the whole reclaiming my time so I can funnel it into that. And I also think similarly, there have been so many life transitions. And I was saying this on our. We have a private sisterhood community. If you want to join it, join it on our website. But we do a weekly live stream where we just chat with the community. And I was talking about how I felt like, because Instagram in particular is very much a place. Grace Beverly describes it as Announcement culture.

[Listener]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

And I completely agree with that. It's very much a place for like announcements. I'm so happy to announce. It's the same with LinkedIn. I'm so happy to announce this. I'm so happy to announce that. The same with Instagram. It's like, just got a house, just bought a car, just had a baby, just got engaged, just got married, just got. Just got. Just did. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, fun caption. And it's like, okay, this is absolutely great. But I felt like I was definitely in a period where similarly, I had to cocoon and develop and do some deep work because I am in transition. I was talking about that in the mid year check in episode. Being in transition between just in so many different areas of my life has meant that I haven't got many things to announce, I haven't got many things to perform, I don't have many results to show off yet because I'm in the process. Right. And then when you're in a space where or you're constantly being a purveyor to announcements and, you know, people posting content and it's great, it's sick, it's engaging. I love stuff like that. I love celebrating stuff like that. It can make you want to terminate your season prematurely because you want something to announce. And so all of a sudden there's this internalized pressure, what feels like an external pressure, and it starts making you maybe despise where you are at because you don't have anything yet. You aren't a butterfly yet, you don't have nice wings yet. And everyone is posting their wings on Instagram and you're like, here I am in my dusty little cocoon. You know, I want to prematurely maybe exit so I can see my wings too. And then next thing you know, you shared something before it's time, or you've abandoned the process of something before it's time because you despise the weight, you despise the small beginnings. And so taking my attention off social media has always also, sorry, allowed for that. Where I've been able to be like, oh, it's okay. I'm gonna be more content with the stage I am at right now. And I also don't need that validation. I don't need people to be like, oh my gosh, this is amazing. As much as it's really, really nice. I don't want to be living for that validation. And lastly, I would say as a content creator, realizing that I don't have to perform to be valuable, I Think one thing that I've loved leaning into right now is the podcast and having tms and being able to try different things, talk about different things, engage with different people. That's been really nice. And it's allowed me to see myself more so as a creator and not just like an influencer, which is something that I never set out to be. And so it's also been nice to see certain pivots in my career and start and see certain opportunities crop up for me because I'm not constantly visible, but I am very much assured with the gifts and the talents that I have, and that actually is valuable in many spaces. So as much as your girl has not been online, I have still been booked and busy. And I'm really grateful for that because I think it's taught me, like, hey, you can flourish without the Internet. Like, you hold the life skills and the talent necessary to flourish. And I think for myself, like, for a lot of people, they can take a break off social media, it doesn't matter, because they're still going to work. They still have. But when social media hugely is a contributor to the work you do, it can induce a lot of anxiety to say you're taking a step back, because it's almost like, okay, I'm deciding to quit my job basically and take a year off. Basically. That's what is what it is. And so it can become very, like I said, anxiety inducing. Where am I going to make money? Am I going to get opportunities? Like our friend Hayley always says, like, you're too broke to be. To not be visible. You're too broke to not be visible. So in a time where I've decided, okay, I don't want to be visible, you think is my money be effective? And then to see the different avenues by which God actually provides and opportunities still come through purely because you've built a good reputation offline, I was just like, wow, God. Like, I really like this. I really value the offline progression of my career as much as I do the online progression of it, because, yeah, followers are great, but a good name is worth more than riches. And I think that's what I've learned that, that I've, by the grace of God, been able to build over time, and that's been really affirming to be like, actually, I have something that will last a lot longer than just one Instagram post or two that's been really, really nice, and it's allowed me to have greater, greater gratitude for the work that I get to do and that this is actually my work, and it sustains me. So that's been very, very nice. So I wanted us to touch on, and I guess we touched on it in terms of our own personal experience. Experiences. But for anyone watching who may be questioning, okay, I want to also go through my own process, go through my own journey. And I have been noticing, I. I've been spending a lot of time on my phone. What are signs that somebody needs a digital detox or somebody should take a step back from being so constantly online.

[Listener]

Yeah, chronically online. You know what's funny? Like, there's a ad on YouTube shorts right now that kind of gets. This is how you notice dopamine addiction in men and women. That's not how it sounds. Yes, it's a little jingle. And it's funny because a lot of the symptoms are going to probably be symptoms that we describe in terms of if you find yourself constantly, like, tired, like, genuinely, your energy is drained sometimes. It's not necessarily because you're doing a lot, but more so you're doing the wrong things. And so your energy is now spent because you've been focusing on things that don't bring you energy or really return you anything, but you've just been basically sinking your energy in the black hole called the Internet. So I was noticing, like, signs of exhaustion, even though I wasn't necessarily doing anything out of the ordinary, like, I wasn't going on hikes or anything, or I wasn't, like, delivering really difficult work projects or anything like that. But I was constantly in the cycle of feeling quite tired, quite exhausted. And that was because I was constantly engaging with things online. I think another thing related to that is, what is your priority? Are you constantly with your phone? Are you constantly checking your phone? One thing that I realized about myself was my phone was becoming my crutch. Like in social situations when there was an awkward pause. Now I'm looking at my phone to pretend I've got a message when my phone is absolutely dry. No one has messaged me. Or, you know, I have a phone game or something. Candy Crush was seeing me, like, I will be at, like, somebody's wedding and they're, you know, you know, that pause in between, like, appetizers or something else. Yeah. Instead of talking to people, I'm playing Candy Crush or, like, you know, Attack of the Titans or something on my phone or, you know, something. Something that's fun on my phone. Oh, my gosh, I'm having such a good time. I realized, oh, sugar, I'm addicted to this thing or you know, any of the boring times or, or my relationship with boredom, whenever that was in flux. That's how I knew I needed to get rid of this thing. We don't know how to be bored anymore. Back in the day we had, oh, my imagination was running amok. I was having full blown not episodes because it's giving a bits mental health. But like my imagination and my creativity skyrocketed because I was bored. I had time like I, those awkward in between even traveling, like I must listen to Spotify on my phone. Like, oh, I'm gonna watch this like social media video. When I woke up in the morning, it's oh yeah, I'm using my phone to look at my bible. But then I go to social media right after. So what was the point? It's noticing when social media, the Internet, your phone now becomes your idol. Like you literally cannot live without it. And a great litmus test is to see can you live without your phone for 24 hours? Yeah, like just put it on DND. And I've now gotten into the habit of putting my phone on DND up until at least 12pm because if it's urgent, you'll call me twice. If it's not, it's okay, I don't need to see it. Things can wait. And I think the Internet can create the idea that everything is urgent and immediate. Yeah, not everything is urgent and not everything is immediate. You don't have to engage with everything all the time immediately. And that instant gratification that social media and the Internet can provide. As someone who I can't lie to, you have an addictive quality about me. Like, I like, I like things and I like things a lot. And so if I, I really like. For example, y' all know I love chicken wings. I've been eating them, Iceland chicken wings for the past like six years for dinner every single night. Like, I love it. Imagine you substitute that with something like social media. You can imagine what that would look like for me. It's me and my whole day being governed by this device or governed by the Internet or governed by social media. And so notice the patterns. Like take stock of your patterns and your habits, the negative ones. I know where whenever we're thinking about habit stacking, we're always focusing on, okay, these are the new habits that I'm going to implement. Sometimes habit stacking, preceding that, you need to do a bit of removal, you need to do a bit of clearing. Because what's the point of stacking on top of things that are Already unsteady. So what patterns are you seeing about yourself with your phone? Be so honest. Is it that you have to open your phone the moment that your friend sends you those 10 reels? Because I do. So I had to shut that down. Is it that, you know, you can't help but check social media first thing in the morning and last thing at night. If so, you need to shut that down. And I think something that you say that's actually really helpful is knowing immediately or like planning, what are you going to replace all of that social media time with? So if it is that you've been, oh, social media, Internet, all that kind of stuff, replace it with a sermon podcast, download the podcast if you have to, so that you don't have to go on other apps and stuff like that app if your phone is connected to the Internet. When was the last time you checked up on your friend really, like, really not just followed them on social media and congratulated them for their latest announcement? And I think that's another sign of like social media Internet taking over your life. When you think that you have a relationship with your friends because you know what's going on in their life that they've announced, but you don't know what's actually happening behind the scenes and you don't see it coming. So I can know that, for example, one of my friends has just bought their house and they've announced that, congratulations, things must be great, but that same friend probably going through it because they've had to replaster their walls. But you wouldn't know that unless they either divulge that information on social media, which a lot of people rarely do, or you've actually consciously decided to have a catch up with your friend and be like, babes, give me the skinny on what's actually happening. Are you okay? And then your sister will be like, nah, do you know what? The house is great, but I have to replaster my walls. Or like I have to build new furniture or like, I have to go through a process that's not always as shiny to be displayed on social media. And so another sign is, are you actually invested in what your friends and family are going through? Can you account to what they're going through? And I think what's been beautiful, I'm sure you can attest to this as well, is freeing up your time from like the Internet means that your relationships actually get stronger because you have so much more time to be present with people. Like, you can actually take calls rather than, you know, scrolling and stuff like that. I think also lastly, if you feel as though you can multitask, if you are watching Netflix and also doing your work, babe, you're not productive. Trust me, I've tried to fool myself. I've. I've been delusional. In fact, I'm even low key delusional still where I'm like, you know what, I can scroll real quick whilst I'm still doing my work. I can, you know, I have things to do, but I can do this whilst I'm doing something else. And I think something becomes all consuming when you can't put it down to do something else. So yes, I know you're cleaning and you want to put something in the background. Heck, some of you put the podcast in the background. Keep doing that.

[Courtney]

Keep doing that.

[Listener]

Keep doing. We need the streams, we need the downloads. But if it is every single waking moment that something or a task requires your attention and you cannot give give your full undivided attention to it, it's time to let it go. Think about how many times do we go out, like dates and stuff and people are there on their phones. Think about the times that, you know, like just doing other things while still using your phone. If you find that you cannot command your own attention. Speaking to what you were saying earlier. If you can't command your own attention, babe, it's an addiction.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Listener]

So yeah, that's what I would say. But would love to hear if you have anything else to add. Course.

[Courtney]

I, I completely agree with all the things that you've said. I think the only thing I could add, I think impatience. Like if you see, if you see a certain level of impatience to do with everything in your life, it's probably sign that you're so used to.

[Listener]

This.

[Renee]

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[Courtney]

Wait, that's the actual fire alarm.

[Listener]

We need to go visit your nearest Boost Mobile store for full offer details. Apple Intelligence requires iOS 18.1 or later restrictions apply.

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[Courtney]

The Dopamine. You're so used to the immediacy of social media and how it's literally, I can get a hit right now. I can open an app. I can open TikTok. I love TikTok.

[Listener]

Yeah, real.

[Courtney]

But the other day I had to delete the app off my phone. I said, you are making me a bad human being. I'm back on it nowadays.

[Listener]

Mind your business. Yeah, yeah.

[Courtney]

Reposting things on Tick Tock. I think the things I repeat are so funny. The other day I reposted a debate that happened in a guardian high school. And guys, the way that thing made me laugh, I almost embarrassed myself for the trade the way I was laughing at that video. It was a great compilation of nonsense. But I think if you are so used to the being able to watch things two times, two times faster. If you're so used to if I want something secure my boredom, I can get it like that at the snap of a finger. You are probably really doing damage to your patience and the amount of capacity you have to be patient. And if you find yourself now hurrying through life wanting people to hurry up when they talking, they're talking to you, finding yourself just hurrying through tasks and wanting things to be done in like 30 seconds. Yeah, your attention span is probably shattered. And so if you find that to be the case, I think it's a good time to step away from social media because you're either one, putting your mind to into overdrive, two, putting yourself into overdrive because of how quickly you're moving through life. And three, you're probably ruining your relationships because you don't have the bandwidth to actually listen to people. You don't have the bandwidth to give people your attention, as you were saying, to cultivate a relationship with them. And that can just be really damaging in terms of you being able to cultivate an offline life because the real world does not operate like the online world. Things are not quick, things are not fast. If you're getting angry because the barista is taking some time to make you your coffee, because you're used to edits on Tick Tock. Like what? Like when people are pouring their milk and then the milk is there in Z Second life doesn't work like that. And I had to notice stuff like that in me. Like I'll be so upset that people were taking their time to walk and it's like, because, Courtney, they're just enjoying real life. And real life doesn't move at this speed of chit chat. Get ready with me or come and get ready with me for whatever. And people are flinging their clothes on in six seconds, like, that's, that's not how life runs. And that's not how your life is going to run either. And it sounds so trivial. It sounds so like, oh, we should know these things. But the more you condition yourself over time, your mind is not going to be able to tell between what you're watching and reality. And reality doesn't have edits in it. Reality doesn't have jump cuts in it. It's life. And you go through life and all the things that would happen behind the scenes and the change of sets and the interactions that you will have with characters, they take time. They take a lot of time. They're not perfectly scripted, they're not perfectly curated and they're not perfectly edited. And that leads me on to my next question. Yeah, I think because of social media, we are living. We're not, we're not really living. We're curating.

[Listener]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

We're curating our lives for these Instagrammable moments and we are leaning more into them and trying to recreate them more often. Often than we are just leaning into life that we're living. Right. How can somebody balance their life and their contentment with their offline life when they're so used to performance and curation?

[Listener]

Oh, that's a beautiful question. I think, firstly, you need to know when you are performing and curating because so many of us, because we have conflated it so much, we can't tell the difference. So if you are finding yourself habitually in moments where everything needs to be captured perfectly, beautifully, like, you know, those friends that you go out with, obviously I understand that you're a content creator, but why is it that every time we go out you must be doing up? Yeah, yeah, let me get the perfect shot of that food. And this is not to say especially because a lot of like my friends are very creative, very artsy, like very. They'll take a picture and it's a Pinterest board worthy. Like, I love it and I don't want to stifle your creativity, but I think we do need a bit of self awareness as to. Is everything I do about performance? Like, is everything I do something to be curated? Is everything I do about somebody else as opposed to how it makes me feel? And so actually testing yourself sometimes, going out and Saying, you know what? I'm gonna take no, like videos or photos or like, the videos and photos that I'm creating will actually be for myself. Like, I'm not going to post them. Right. And seeing how organic some of those like, memory collation pieces can be in comparison to the things that we edit, create and put on social media will show you if there really is a difference between the life that you live and whether you are performing, curating. And so practice, like living in the moment is actually a practice. Now you go to concerts and obviously everybody's recording on their phone that we even forget to actually just live in the moment. And it's built fam. You'll go to a concert, like I am now focused on. I will be singing those lyrics at the top of my lungs. I don't need that recorded. You get me one picture. I've now got the rule of I'll take a couple of my videos, my photos at the start. After that, that's going in my pocket. Because what you're about to see and what I'm about to experience, that does not need to be caught on camera for not just my own well being, but yours too. Because you don't need to hear me shouting. You don't. It's not good. And I, I'm aware of that. There's just certain moments in life that don't need to be captured by that, but need to be captured in here. And so knowing the distinction and practicing the distinction is so, so important. And also, like, knowing who you're performing for as well, like, as much as it's so nice to have a really cute Pinterest board and Instagram feed and all them kind of things there. How much of what you actually collate is for you, like, in the grand scheme of things, if you were to look at your camera roll, your Instagram roll, like, is this aesthetically pleasing for you or is this also aesthetically pleasing because you're thinking of your fans or your followers and all that kind of stuff? Stuff. Would you still lead the same life if you had no phone camera? Like, if you had nothing to post? Like, what, what's the, what's the meaning really of all of this, like, collation? And as somebody that I love, listen, I love taking photos, I love taking videos, but I love taking like, very unedited, like, almost silly camcorder like videos because those are the ones that I'm like, I'm gonna watch back on that and I'm really gonna enjoy that. And they don't have to be, like, perfectly curated. I think there is a space again, to be artistic. I think, yeah, it really is about knowing who you're doing it for, why you're doing it for, and also if it's causing you inconvenience to do it too. Like, a lot of people can do the whole, like, curation and they can create some really beautiful things, but it doesn't really take too much mental real estate when they do it, or like a lot of energy and effort. I've seen. Listen, there's some pictures that I will take and then my friends will take. I'll be like, are we looking at the same thing? Because how did you get this? This is so artistic. Like one of our friends, Jackie, that girl, the photos that she takes, the eye that she has, She's a fashionista. Fashion girly. Anyways, but we'll be out, we'll go and get Matcha Fam. This thing looks like grass in my hand. I'm like, this is not a. This is not a sexy picture. She'll be like, oh, let me take a picture of it real quick. Snap. This is a pinch. When I say this is like Leonardo da Vinci esque, I'm like, oh, my gosh. It's giving moods, it's giving artsy, it's giving atmosphere, all of these kind of things. And that's genuinely. Because she's talented at it. And also it's something that she enjoys. Now, if I were to try and produce the same thing, I would have to train to actually be able to do that because I don't have that eye. I just get a corner of the matcha, the camera is even fuzzy, all that kind of stuff. It's just not for me. But she has the eye for it and it's something that actually brings her joy. It's not something that sucks the energy out of her. It's actually something that she enjoys and something that is part and parcel of her personality and her uniqueness. And then lastly, I actually speak to that is, is how unique is your capturing, how unique are the experiences that you're having. Because I think there's so much pressure to not just to curate and perform, but to curate and perform a certain set of lines. So that's how, like group think can be quite problematic in that now we're seeing everybody look the same, sound the same, capture the same thing. And it's beautiful to be inspired. But I think we start to lose a bit of our individuality when we're so focused in trying to ascribe to the norm. And so I would really encourage you to capture some quirky stuff. Like I would love to see the return of. We're starting to do a little bit on Pinterest and stuff. But do you remember back in Instagram and like Facebook, people just post photos of everything? Just, just you would see the back of somebody's elbow. On a Facebook album of like 200 plus people, you will see they've caught somebody's like foot somewhere or like the side profile. Like, it wasn't these, these curated experiences. It was just, I'm dumping this on social media for the memories.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Listener]

Even on Instagram. When we first started Instagram, I was seeing everybody's coffee order. Like literally that was it, everybody's coffee. It would be a flat white, it would be a black Americano. I have no business seeing that. I know that's for you. I know that's for you. Because I didn't ask to see an Americano this morning. And so getting back to that place of individuality, uniqueness, you actually doing more things for you. So that, so then that can be modeled not just in your online life, but also in your offline.

[Courtney]

That's good.

[Listener]

Yeah, that's what I would say.

[Courtney]

Yeah, that's good. That's good. And I would always say add that like, it's important for you to appreciate your real life for what it is.

[Listener]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

I think because we can spend so much time in on social media, we can program ourselves to think comparatively. So I, I rate my in person experiences in comparison to X what I saw on social media or what I saw this person have. And because we're living in a world of like, you know, people go to restaurants, they'll share their review, they'll sell their experience. People try on clothes, they share their review, they'll share their experience. We are now experiencing those things in comparison to what somebody else has showcased. So when I went there, like, did I have as much of a good experience when I wore that thing that I look the same as them? And it can breed a huge amount of insecurity that steals away the beauty of what we are actually having and what we are actually going through. And so don't think about your life in comparison to anyone. Don't think about your life in comparison to a particular post or a video. Think about yourself individually and begin to appreciate the beauty of what you have have in front of you. Like, okay, the thing that my room might not be perfect, it might not be a Pinterest worthy board, but it's my Room. It is a space that holds safety for me. It's a place where I rest. It's a place where I have decorated it in a way that I love. And even if I don't love it, let me see how I can make sure that within my own budget I can go and make it into a space which I love and I appreciate. Oh my gosh. Have I even thought about the fact that there are some people that don't have beds? There are some people that don't have have places where they can come to safely dwell in the night. And here I am comparing myself to this person who just bought a million pound house and their bedroom looks like a museum. That is none of your business, babe. You better have some appreciation for where you are at. So learn to see the beauty in what you have. Like, and I think it all comes down to reframing. I think social media can frame our perspectives of so many things that especially in a late capitalistic world where we're like, oh, you know, I must have this, I must buy this, I must consume this. But at the end of the day, you have what you have and you need to appreciate what you have and realize that there is beauty in what you have. Outside of you needing more, outside of you needing something different, outside of you needing to switch something up, outside of you needing to be inspired by anybody else, you have something which is, is absolutely wonderful and beautiful. And so just taking time to actually recognize that and that takes intentional effort. It could be journaling, it could be actually saying to yourself in the morning, like, I really appreciate that I woke up in this space or I really appreciate that I have this job, or I really appreciated that yesterday I was able to go out with my friends and we went for that walk or we went to dinner. I really loved that. And being able to see that actually I have a beautiful life. And if you feel like, like your life isn't full of those moments, especially if you're trying to cultivate, maybe you are on a digital detox, maybe logging off is a luxury for you that you want to indulge in, do it. And then start to see where are the areas in my real offline life that I can actually cultivate. Because just as I would put in all of this effort to edit a picture for Instagram or edit this video for Instagram, or make my life look pretty and perfect for the online space, I now need to redirect this energy into curating my own life life. I need to redirect this energy into curating relationships and creating relationships with people, allowing myself to enter into new spaces, researching the things that I actually like and seeing where I can take myself in the real world to actually have fun. All of that requires the attention which you're probably leaking over into social media and you're giving and you're allowing social media to rob from you. So, you know, take some time and be like, okay, where do I want to go? I'm sick of watching everybody else go to every restaurant and every cafe. Where do I actually want to take myself and spend my money so that I can have a really good time and I too can have my own experience and capture that for myself, for my own enjoyment. So now is the time to do the work of cultivation of your offline life. And if you are struggling to appreciate the offline space because you feel like. I love that you mentioned boredom. You feel like social media cures your boredom. One thing that I will definitely say is there is ways to be entertained offline as well. Like go to the cinema, go and open up something. Go, go to a play, go to the theater, go and do something. Go to the park and people watch. Go and walk outside and look at the birds and the trees. Like there are things in the bird watcher. Yeah. No, but there are things in the real world that can keep us occupied that are more than just these perfectly curated shots of dopamine. Like, that they're not good for your brain. Like, there's, there's a reason why a lot of social media founders don't let their children use social medias. Yeah, because they know that they are harmful. They know that it's addictive. They know that, that what they do to your brain is not helpful. Like, let's remember that we are somewhat living in the first wave of people who have grown up with social media. We don't know the long term effects of these things. Nobody is 60, saying, oh, when I was seven and I was on YouTube, watching YouTube for kids, and now they're doing studies on their brain development. We don't live in that era. So we will be those people that they're doing tests on. And then in 30 years you'll find this public knowledge that if you use YouTube at the age of 7, between 7 and 10 now, suddenly something in your brain doesn't work.

[Listener]

That's how things happen.

[Courtney]

Do you get what I mean? It's like, let's actually start to take notice of the fact that this is from a qualitative point of view, from an experiential point of view.

[Listener]

You.

[Courtney]

This is actually having a negative impact on me. I don't need research studies to tell me that I have a problem. I'm going to acknowledge it right now before those quantitative studies actually come out to tell me, oh, actually, you are frazzling your brain cells. So I would take that opportunity to lean into all the offline things that we know to do. But we often think we don't have time to do and I think that's the jeopardy of it all. We're kind of like, oh, I don't have time to read. I don't have time to go for a walk. I don't have time. Time to call that person. I don't have time to xyz. I don't, I don't have time to create more than I consume because you're spending all of your time consuming. Create. I don't have time to cook. Yes, you do.

[Listener]

Yes, you do.

[Courtney]

Log off. If you logged off, you'd find the time. Oh no, you would find the time. And that isn't to shame anyone. Like, social media has become a pacifier for a lot of us, especially because we're living in quite scary times. And so if you can give a quick. Get a quick kiki off TikTok, sometimes that's fun and that's the only way you can get through. Yeah, but let it be quick. And I think a question that I would ask myself is, what did I learn after, after this? Well, how have I. What did I appreciate from this time that I spent scrolling like. And sometimes I actually have answers. I'll be like, you know what? I needed that video. I needed that video of the Ghanaian uncle shouting at this person. I needed that to laugh. I needed that to lift up my day because it's been a long day and I'm tired. And sometimes that's enough of a reason. But now that I've acknowledged I've actually gotten enough, why am I going to keep overdosing on this thing?

[Listener]

Sorry, I'm. Do you know how much of a revealing question that is? What did I. What did you gain from this?

[Courtney]

No, that's. I think, I think that's a good. Because that's the way you identify. Have I got enough? Yeah. Now am I now over consumed? It's like just asking yourself, like, am I full? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Before I keep, keep eating more or am I like, okay, before I pop another paracetamol.

[Listener]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Do you get what I mean? Like, you can't just keep going and going and going. You do need to have a check in with yourself at some points, to be like, actually, I've had enough now.

[Listener]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Like what I came to this for, I have received.

[Listener]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

And I love it. So funny.

[Listener]

I'm just thinking of, you know, those memes that blow up and you see them constantly and you're like, I ain't skipping this one, man. I got what I needed. But I ain't skipping it because it's kind of funny. I don't know. You know that meme of that Ugandan rapper and his dad?

[Courtney]

Yeah. The guy that dances. The dad that dances. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that. And I love how everyone's taking it so far. I love how everyone's taking it so far. And that's why I love the Internet, man. It's full of so much creativity. So funny. It's a great place. But also we have to identify. There's only so much of that you can see before you're wasting your time.

[Listener]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Courtney]

There's stuff that you have have to do. That's the video I was thinking of. I was like, if y' all see my history, it's just. Yeah. But I, I do think there's a place for us to start asking ourselves after like. Cuz nothing's. Nothing's wrong with scrolling on social media, but it's. Girl, it's been 25 minutes, been 30. It's been 60 minutes. You're telling me you haven't gotten the happiness, the joy that you came here to find?

[Listener]

Oh, I'm so stressed. I have so much work to do in a.

[Courtney]

And that's why you're stressed, because a lot. 60 minutes was the most unproductive 60 minutes ever. You were fine. 50 minutes ago was enough. That's where we got to enough. Now we're just in pure doom scrolling.

[Listener]

Yeah. Really and truly. What is it? Bedrotting.

[Courtney]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think just have periodic check ins with yourself. Like, have I gotten what I needed from this today? Yeah. And if it is that you're also looking for something particular, I think that's the. A great way to also approach the Internet. Sorry to quickly jump into this. We have seen, you can call it evolution, but it's really. Is it a devolution? We have seen this evolution in social media where we no longer have to search for things. Things are just constantly fed to us. And I think that's why I love platforms like YouTube and I love podcasts because they're not as automatic as something like TikTok. And Instagram with short form content and even YouTube shorts like that ability to change. Just scroll and know that this next video that's going to come, if it's not an ad, is something that is going to be curated for me, this is something that is going to make me laugh and therefore it's something that's going to make me want to stay and scroll again and keep going and keep going. I think that kind of passive consumption is very, very dangerous. And I think it's less so about, oh, I don't want to be on these platforms anymore. And more so cultivating a behavior and a practice of intentional consumption where you're actually like, no, I'm gonna go and find that podcast or find a video on this thing or oh, that video actually looks really interesting. I would like to. And I'm intrigued about that thing versus being fed subconsciously and being fed intuitively. But is it intuitively just without any intention? Like you're not, you're not consuming with intentionality.

[Listener]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

And if you apply that practice principle anywhere, you're gonna get a disease. Like you're gonna, you're gonna be ill because you're consuming way too much. And it's the same with social media and our minds, like consume with intentionality and feed your mind with intentionality. Yeah, yeah, that's what I've, I've said that. I'll say that I've learned in terms of how to like form a better relationship with social media.

[Listener]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Because I don't think it's realistic to just be like, I'll cut off everything forever.

[Listener]

Become a hermit. No, no.

[Courtney]

Change your behavior and change your relationship with it. Yeah, that's Sisters. We hope that you enjoyed this conversation. Let us know down below if you would consider a digital detox. If you would consider, you know, doing a bit of a logging off, even if it's for a short period of time. If you have done it, how has it affected you? Do you think you need it? Do you think you don't need it? And it's just a waste of time and we should just lean into, you know, our devices at this point.

[Listener]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

It'll be really interesting to hear your point of view. Please drop them in the comments down below and you can make sure that you follow us, us on social media across every platform at to my sisterhood. Just to keep in the loop of the sisters, the conversation and everything that we are doing as a community so that you can tap into those offline spaces where you can exist, find friends and find community so you can do that by following us. But also you can sign up to our mainliness on our website to my sisters.com and sisters, we love you and hopefully you have an amazing rest the rest of your week. Definitely take this time to reflect and journal if you want to. Just think asking yourself like all this time that I spend on social media, what could I be redirecting that to and how would my life look like if I did? I think that'll be a good journal prompt for us all this week. So yeah, wishing you all the best. Praying for nothing but the best for you as always and have a wonderful week and as always, keep going.

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