Selling Lies as 'Self Love': The Price of Beauty, Hygiene and Self-Care Under Capitalism

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Selling Lies as 'Self Love': The Price of Beauty, Hygiene and Self-Care Under Capitalism"

Podcast Information:

• Title: To My Sisters
• Hosts: Courtney Daniella Boateng & Renée Kapuku
• Episode: Selling Lies as 'Self Love': The Price of Beauty, Hygiene and Self-Care Under Capitalism
• Release Date: June 15, 2025
• Description: Courtney and Renée explore the complexities of adulthood and sisterhood, promoting holistic wellness and community growth among sisters worldwide.

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1. Introduction to the Episode's Theme

Timestamp: [02:17] - [03:51]

In this episode, Courtney and Renée delve into the pervasive influence of capitalism on the wellness industry, particularly focusing on how beauty, hygiene, and self-care practices are marketed as forms of self-love. They discuss the commercialization of wellness and its impact on personal well-being and societal standards.

2. The Business of Insecurity in the Wellness Industry

Timestamp: [03:53] - [05:54]

Renee introduces the concept of the "business of insecurity," highlighting how companies, organizations, and influencers profit from the insecurities of women. Courtney adds, “Capitalism not only manufactures certain insecurities, but it also manufactures the solution” ([04:23]). This cyclical pattern forces continuous consumption by presenting new trends and products that make individuals feel inadequate without them.

3. The Role of Influencers and Brands

Timestamp: [05:55] - [17:29]

Courtney and Renee critique the role of influencers in perpetuating consumerist ideals. Courtney explains, “We're in a constant cycle of... needing to consume more and discard more” ([05:54]). They discuss how influencers often promote products not based on genuine effectiveness but driven by commission structures, leading to a loss of authenticity and trust. Renee emphasizes the damaging effect on young girls, stating, “These manufactured insecurities... teach that if you're not buying into this product, you're not choosing that life” ([06:21]).

4. Accountability at Various Levels

Timestamp: [17:29] - [27:12]

The conversation shifts to the layers of accountability within the wellness industry:

• Brands: Responsible for creating genuine solutions versus exploitative products.
• Influencers: Must maintain integrity by promoting only what they truly believe in.
• Consumers: Hold the power to make informed choices and resist overconsumption.

Courtney highlights positive examples like Topicals, which creates effective products based on real needs, contrasting them with brands that push unnecessary items for profit.

5. Consumer Responsibility

Timestamp: [27:12] - [37:12]

Courtney and Renee stress the importance of responsible consumerism. They advocate for mindful purchasing habits, such as:

• Delayed Gratification: Waiting 48 hours before making a purchase to assess necessity.
• Budgeting: Allocating funds wisely and prioritizing needs over wants.
• Research: Understanding product ingredients and their actual benefits.

Courtney advises, “We need to be the ones who put that restraint on ourselves to stop us from over-consuming” ([26:34]).

6. The Impact of Social Media and TikTok

Timestamp: [37:12] - [55:06]

The hosts critique the role of social media platforms like TikTok in accelerating consumerism. They point out how TikTok Shop enables influencers to sell a barrage of products, often with little regard for quality or necessity. Renee shares a stark example: “I didn't know that strawberry legs was a thing until I went on TikTok” ([07:49]). This highlights how social media can create and exacerbate insecurities by introducing niche beauty concerns that may not be medically significant.

7. Practical Advice on Reducing Overconsumption

Timestamp: [55:06] - [67:10]

Courtney and Renee offer practical strategies to combat the overconsumption fostered by the wellness industry:

• Prioritize Needs Over Trends: Focus on what genuinely makes you feel healthy and happy.
• Educate Yourself: Learn about natural alternatives and rely on professional advice rather than influencer recommendations.
• Limit Product Acquisition: Reduce the number of products you use to avoid dependency on external solutions for self-worth.

Courtney emphasizes, “If you buy a jacket and realize you don't need it, practice finding happiness without over-purchasing” ([25:37]).

8. Intergenerational Dialogue and Traditional Practices

Timestamp: [58:33] - [64:12]

The conversation touches on the loss of traditional wisdom passed down through generations. Courtney laments the disconnect between young women and the practical hygiene and beauty advice their elders once provided. She states, “If mothers and aunties could just sit women down and it be a safe space to discuss this, we wouldn't buy half the things that we buy” ([57:10]).

9. Listener's Dilemma: Maintaining Friendship Amidst Insecurity

Timestamp: [26:04] - [34:28]

The hosts address a listener's dilemma regarding strained friendships due to personal insecurities. Renee responds with empathetic advice, encouraging deep self-reflection to understand the root causes of such behaviors. Courtney adds, “When you hold the position of friend in somebody's life, it is a responsibility and you owe that person some safety and respect” ([07:55]).

10. Final Thoughts and Reflective Exercise

Timestamp: [64:38] - [67:10]

In their closing remarks, Courtney and Renee reiterate the importance of being informed and responsible consumers. They encourage listeners to engage in a reflective exercise:

"What is it that truly makes me feel happy, whole, well, and beautiful, especially when nobody is watching?"

They challenge their audience to consider whether happiness and wellness can be achieved without falling into the traps of consumerism, advocating for simplicity and authenticity in self-care practices.

Notable Quotes:

• Courtney: “Capitalism not only manufactures certain insecurities, but it also manufactures the solution.” ([04:23])
• Renee: “If you're not buying into this product, you're not choosing that life.” ([06:21])
• Courtney: “We need to be the ones who put that restraint on ourselves to stop us from over-consuming.” ([26:34])
• Renee: “I didn't know that strawberry legs was a thing until I went on TikTok.” ([07:49])
• Courtney: “When you hold the position of friend in somebody's life, it is a responsibility and you owe that person some safety and respect.” ([07:55])

Conclusion

Courtney and Renée offer a critical examination of how capitalism and the wellness industry intertwine to shape perceptions of beauty and self-care. They advocate for greater accountability among brands and influencers while empowering consumers to make informed, mindful choices. By fostering self-awareness and discouraging overconsumption, the hosts aim to cultivate a more authentic and supportive community of sisters worldwide.

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Reflective Exercise: "What is it that truly makes me feel happy, whole, well, and beautiful, especially when nobody is watching? Consider whether this can be achieved without consumerism, and explore free or low-cost avenues to cultivate your well-being."

Join the Conversation: Stay connected with Courtney and Renée by following them on their social media platforms and joining their exclusive Sisterhood digital community for ongoing support and discussions.

Transcript

[Courtney]

Race the rudders. Race the sails. Race the sails. Captain, an unidentified ship is approaching. Over. Roger, wait. Is that an enterprise sales solution? Reach sales professionals, not professional sailors. With LinkedIn ads, you can target the.

[Renee]

Right people by industry, job title and more.

[Courtney]

We'll even give you a $100 credit on your next campaign. Get started today at LinkedIn.com results. Terms and conditions apply. Hi, it's Courtney and Renee from the To My Sisters Podcast and this episode is sponsored by the Long Wave, a free weekly newsletter from the Guardian.

[Renee]

Now, sisters, if you've ever felt like our stories, our global black experiences deserve more depth, more nuance, more spotlight, the Long Wave might be just what you've been looking for.

[Courtney]

Written by Guardian columnist Nezreen Malik and edited by Jason Okundaye, this newsletter brings you rich reporting, fresh commentary and powerful features from across Africa, the US the uk, the Caribbean and beyond. Whether it's music, politics, business or beauty, it's a space where our culture, our voices and our realities are thoughtfully explored and conversations, which are often limited to social media and WhatsApp groups, are amplified.

[Renee]

If you love the conversations we have here, on To My Sisters. We think you'll love what the Long Wave is building too. Sign up to the Long Wave for free at theguardian.com forward/thelongwave25 soft life or.

[Courtney]

Selling Lies it's because you've seen the wellness girlies do it and now you think that's what you have to do to simulate wellness.

[Renee]

The rise of wellness and holistic healing practices means that we no longer have experts.

[Courtney]

We're buying products that maybe have only one drop of active ingredient.

[Renee]

Bro, I didn't need to know that. You did a buff before and now they've been able to charge you eight.

[Courtney]

History points History books with Tell the Tell the tale, do some Ashton hall, put some banana skin on your face like this and next thing you know, then your skin is bright. Hello and welcome to the To My Sisters Podcast. I'm Courtney.

[Renee]

And I'm Renee and we are your online sisters and hosts of the To My Sisters podcast.

[Courtney]

We are all about promoting the wellness, growth and development of a community of sisters around the world.

[Renee]

And in today's episode we are going to be talking about soft life or selling lies, beauty, hygiene, self care under capitalism.

[Courtney]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Renee]

I'm very excited to talk about this conversation and to give a little bit of context as to why this topic, why it's important to talk about. We have seen the rise of the wellness industry in the last few days. Decades, years and it's been beautiful to see a lot of women really embracing this notion of taking care of myself, whether it be self care practices, whether it be beauty regimes, the whole four nines. But we've also seen on, especially on social media platforms, the growing notion of the proper way to take care of oneself, whether it be the 15 step shower routines or this one item of clothing that you need that will make you feel so whole and so good to you just have to have this product that is being sold on TikTok shop. And so what we're seeing is a mass consumerist hype around the wellness industry. And that's kind of where I want to start. This whole idea of not being able to live without certain things or products or practices that we see being peddled online and offline and I guess the business of insecurity. How are companies, organizations, and dare I say, even influencers profiting off of the insecurities of women?

[Courtney]

That's good.

[Renee]

So cdb, talk to me a little bit about the business of insecurity and how there's almost like a double edged sword of the wellness industry. There is women who are actively investing in their wellness, their well being, their happiness, but then there are companies, organizations, influencers that are also part and parcel of this machine. And in the middle are women that are trying to take care of themselves, but are also now becoming cognizant of insecurities they may or may not have been aware of.

[Courtney]

So I think it was interesting. We've had this conversation a couple times on the podcast around how capitalism not only manufactures certain insecurities, but it also manufactures the solution. And that's what keeps that wheel turning. So you constantly have to buy the answer to your problem. And it's usually a thing that you did not consider a problem in the first place and never considered a problem before. And we go through this kind of cyclical repetition of things going in and out of fashion. And when it comes to, like wellness, when it comes to fashion, beauty, there are things which were trending 10 years ago which are now coming back in trend now. But the issue is in between when it was in fashion last time and it coming back into fashion now is a time where we were told that that is no longer fashionable. So throw away all of your stuff. You know, I don't know, we're no longer doing matte looks, we're doing dewy looks. So throw away all of your matte setting spray and your matte foundations and go and buy a new dewy foundation. And then suddenly Matte fashion and you have to go and buy all of your matte stuff again. And so it keeps you in this constant cycle of in order to stay in the trend or on the trend, you need to go and consume more and you need to discard of your old stuff more. And it's attached to what you were saying about feeling like you want to feel like you look beautiful, you want to feel like you are current, you want to feel desirable. And so you buy into these things because you want to buy the feeling, you want to buy the acceptance. And I think what's sad about it is we're seeing it become more pervasive towards younger girls.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

And it's getting younger and younger. I think teenage girls have always been the kind of the indirect audience of a lot of beauty and wellness brands. They are not advertising specifically to teenage girls, but they know that they will be popular amongst teenage girls. Because that teenage phase is when you are looking for acceptance. It's when you are looking for.

[Renee]

A.

[Courtney]

Place to belong, a place to be affirmed, whether it be in romantic relationships or amongst your friends or just the culture. You want to know that, like, okay, this thing is trending. I have that thing. And that makes me feel socially accepted. And I think that's what's sad about it. It's the amount of young girls who are growing up with this warped sense of wellness, this warped sense of self love because it is so attached to consumerism. And they're being taught by their favorite influencer or their, you know, an advertisement on their favorite plat that this is what self love looks like, this is what beauty looks like as well. Not even just physical beauty, but this is what intelligence is, this is what aspiration should be. This is what the beauty of life is. And they're taught that if you're not buying into this product, you're not buying into that life, you're not choosing that for yourself. And it's dangerous because then we never gain a true unique and independent sense of what fulfillment, beauty, confidence, actual wellness even is. Like, I don't know what wellness is outside of somebody dictating to me what I need. Product wise, I don't know when my body feels healthy. I just know that I, I feel healthy, quote, unquote. I feel healthy when I'm taking these, you know, nutrients, right? But it's like. But do you actually feel healthy? Yeah. You know, that's so funny. You're being taught, like, if you buy these super green, this super green mix, you're gonna feel really healthy. But you don't actually know what healthy feels like.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

For your body. So you feel healthy because you're consuming this thing, but you don't know whether this thing is actually working. So actually feel healthy. And people don't know. It's like, I actually don't know what my body feels like when it's at its optimal health.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Or it's optimal wellness. What I do know is I feel healthy when I'm taking these things. I feel healthy when, you know, I'm popping these supplements, or I feel like I'm doing the healthy thing and it's like, okay. Or I feel beautiful because I'm using these particular products, but I don't really know if it makes my skin happy, or I don't really know if it. If it's actually the look that I would want for myself. I just know I like it because it's trendy and everyone else likes it. And it's sad because when your mind is so malleable, that is what's shaping your mind. So, yeah, I think my heart kind of is scared. More so for teenagers, like, when I. When I talk to my cousins and I see the things that they like, and I know I was like that as well when I was their age, but Obviously, hindsight is 20 20. You think to yourself, ra, I would if you could just believe me when I tell you you're beautiful. Or if you could just believe me when I waste your money on this thing. But obviously, they. They kind of need to learn through their own path. So I think that's the sad bit about capitalism. It really does remove our own personal individuality, our own ability to make independent decisions, and come to our own independent way of thinking that says, okay, I like this. I don't like that. I don't need this just because everyone else has it. That's a very mature place to be. And unfortunately, a lot of us are spending decades listening to podcasts and watching content that is helping us to unlearn that we do not actually need what is being prescribed to us for a problem that we didn't even know existed.

[Renee]

Boy.

[Courtney]

Yeah. How about you, though, right?

[Renee]

No. I think you hit the nail on the head so perfectly, and I love that you spoke a lot about younger women and younger girls, because these are the most impressionable, and these are the ones that are often consuming a lot of this content.

[Courtney]

Absolutely.

[Renee]

When we think about the wellness products and also the ease of being able to access a lot of this content, it's mostly younger girls, and we were all very impressionable when we were young. But I also worry about just the sheer amount of information that's also accessible on platforms like TikTok, any social media, just the Internet at large. Back in the day, it used to be, oh, this one thing that the girl in this class is using is clearing her skin. Let me go and buy it. Now you're being peddled at least seven or eight different products for a skincare issue that you had or have or may or may not have. Yeah, like, yeah, I ain't gonna lie to you. I didn't know that strawberry legs was a thing until I went on Tick Tock. I was like, what the hell is that? And then I was like, oh my gosh, I have strawberry legs. How do I get rid of this thing? That is now a big issue to me. And then I was like, you know what, it's really not that deep. Yeah, actually like, yeah, exfoliation, all that kind of stuff. But I wasn't aware of it being an issue until I was told it was an issue. And I think that's a really great example of what you were saying around the fact that these manufactured insecurities, they can really do a lot for our self esteem and create problems that are then packaged up and the solution is now sold back to us, which is outrageous. And I kind of want to speak to the different layers and levels of accountability and creating these kind of cycles. There's been a lot of like backlash recently towards influencers, just in general. I think more broadly a lot of consumers are, they want to kind of listen to and consume content where they find the, you know, content creators relatable. And so there's been a lot of online discourse around content creators that are out here sharing lots of different long product lists that are being paid commission by brands to be able to share products, knowing that their demographic may not necessarily be relatable, at least in terms of, you know, finances. So talk to me a little bit about the different layers of accountability and the different layers of individuals or organizations that are playing into this cycle of commercializing wellness.

[Courtney]

Yeah, I think that's really interesting. I think there are different proponents in this whole situation. There are those who create the products, there are those who advertise and market it, then there are those who consume it.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

And I think every single layer has a certain amount of accountability that they need to take for whether we are pushing too many insecurities. I love that I'm seeing brands who put genuine solutions first.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

So I think of like a topicals Right. Topicals is creating products that actually solve skin problems. And it's because it was created based off of meeting a need. Right. I think when you identify a legitimate problem, you create some of the most beautiful businesses because you're providing an actual solution. But I think, unfortunately, because people know there's money to be made in this industry, they just make a product, they don't actually know what problem it's solving and they just push it out to as many people as possible. And the way that they kind of make their name is not necessarily because this thing is super effective, but because so many people want it, or we're going to tell you that you need it and if you don't have it, that's a problem. And so I think to myself about a brand like Topicals, who creates a product which actually works and then markets it to people who actually need it.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

And then other people then pick up and they're like, oh, this was effective for your hyperpigmentation. Okay, I'm, I'mma use it based on that recommendation. And I think we're now seeing more brands be community focused, be people focused that they say, okay, we're content with not getting all of the market, but the, the part of the market that we serve, and if we can serve that part well, we don't need all of the market.

[Renee]

Exactly.

[Courtney]

Right. We actually don't need everyone to like us. We just need the people who we've created this for to want it. And I think that's a beautiful approach to business because it's, let's. It's less predatory and it implants less insecurities into people. Right. And then you've got the influencers. I think what's beautiful to see now is more influencers saying, hey, this works for me. And hey, I really like it. And I'm just your online friend. If you want it, get it, but if you don't, that's fine. I don't need you to shop my link. I don't need you to buy this thing. Obviously, I would love for you to support me, but my life isn't dependent on you buying this thing because I don't want to force you to do anything just because I may have an undisclosed or maybe even a disclosed advantage in this. Ah, what do we call conflict of interest? Yeah, like I don't have an interest in this. And obviously it gets very murky when you've got things like commission and people who are now full time, maybe lifestyle influences or beauty influencers who can push this and literally have their bills paid. And it can feel very tempting to just become a salesman.

[Renee]

Literally.

[Courtney]

And I think to myself, even what you were saying about Tick Tock and Tick Tock shop, obviously there is now a new wave and change in digital shopping. And Tick Tock is really like at the forefront of this. I would really argue like we've gone from. You would. I don't know if you guys remember like on sky you would have like the 900 channels.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Or something. Which is where you basically do the teleshopping. We've gone to having that on the TV to now having that in real like on phone. Sorry. And it's more than just targeted ads. It's now people who have made their entire presence online selling you stuff from loo roll to. Yeah. To be products to clothes, even food. Dude. There we go. So I think it's also us realize us as creators, I guess, realizing like, what do I want my relationship with my audience to be? Do I want to be that girl who genuinely puts people onto good stuff or do I want to be that person who just sees this as a money making venture? And I think there is longevity for the former. Right. The person who prioritizes building an audience, building a community, being authentic to themselves and not pushing anything down anyone's throat has more chance of staying in this game for the long haul. Because people know you don't just see me as a cash cow. You don't just see me as a paycheck. You see me as somebody who is genuinely a valuable member of your community. And I think it protects your integrity as well. And that's the accountability you need to take. Am I being integral with the things that I recommend? Am I being integral in the way that I'm even treating my audience? Or have I commodified my audience? These are questions you need to ask yourself as a creator. Because when you have, when you create a platform and when you have a platform, you are the steward of that platform.

[Renee]

Yes.

[Courtney]

And you don't want to be the person who has led so many people astray because you've been pushing a product that came with a paycheck but has now put so many people's lives in danger, especially vulnerable groups such as teen girls or teen boys or whatever. Who, who will see this and think, ah, this will help me feel, this will help me to fill the void of maybe feeling alone or isolated in school. And it's like, now you've put yourself maybe in harm's way. I think to myself about like the Rise of health products.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

And health related products like, you know, diet pills and diet shakes and Nutri nutritional supplements. And you just think to yourself, but what's really in this thing? Who is really behind this brand? But maybe the influencer may doesn't realize that they are the person who stands in that gap for the consumer to sometimes do the vetting and the due diligence and you naturally become a bit of an ambassador and spokesperson for a brand that you promote. I think to back to how it used to be done with like celebrity ambassadors. And obviously celebrity ambassadors are still a thing, but a lot of companies are leaning more into influencer marketing.

[Renee]

Yes.

[Courtney]

But back in the day all you had was celebrity ambassadors. You pay one big celebrity, one crazy check and pray that them giving you one quote that says I love this will sell millions of units. That's literally what you're praying. I think back to those times, how serious it was for a celebrity whose name was attached to a product, if that product then had to be recalled or that product was found to bring, I don't know, illness to mass amounts of people, how much that person's credibility and their brand would begin to crumble because they attached their name to a product which was actually dangerous for the market. And I think influencers need to remind themselves of the fact that that's their level of influence. You can't just be like, oh, I no longer use that product anymore. So if you are, you know, if you don't like it then that's your problem. Or if that, if it harms you, it's your problem. No, you recommended for me to buy this.

[Renee]

You literally, you made content.

[Courtney]

And I know, and I'm going to talk about consumer responsibility. I know I am the one who also, as the consumer should have done research.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

But I like you.

[Renee]

Yeah. And I trust you.

[Courtney]

I trust you. I, I love your content. I've been following. You've helped me through dark times, good times. I trust you. You're my friend.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

You know, I know it's a parasocial relationship, but to some degree I trust your word. And so for this to have steered me wrong.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

I also want you to take some kind of accountability for that. So I think influencers need to realize, yes, there's a lot of money to be made, but don't play around with your name, don't play around with your reputation, don't just put your name on anything because that's also what makes people not want to follow you every day. You're just peddling them TikToks wish it.

[Renee]

Back and forth, every single different product.

[Courtney]

No shade, no tea. But them TikTok accounts where every day. Oh my gosh, guys, let me show you. I got 70,000 rolls of Louvre for £12.

[Renee]

You know, for me it's the TikTok lives. Those one killed me. We've got. Okay, We've got like 10 hours. 10 hours. Flash sale, flash sale. Guys, Girls, girls. It's gonna be 50%.

[Courtney]

You see this? You see this pigmentation? Yeah. Please. How can this be your entire enterprises? Please.

[Renee]

That commission must be delicious.

[Courtney]

But a lot of people are making a lot of money on Tick Tock Shop. We did an episode with Amma, who is the founder of Plant Made, and she was talking about how literally a five minute video they recorded about their product Snow Insane, which is a sheer butter based product. Definitely check it out. They made like 20k off of that one video because of Tick Tock Shop. So it's, it's a good avenue. But again, accounts where all they're doing is pushing you different products. I'm not talking about a brands page where they're pushing you their products. Clearly that's a marketing channel for them. Of course they're going to push you their product. I'm talking about an individual who is like, today I like this, tomorrow I like that. Because they need you to buy their commission. Be wary, be very, very mindful of somebody who is pushing something to you. And every day there's something new that they're pushing because oftentimes they're just trying to make money. They don't care about the products. And I remember seeing a video recently from a Patricia. But I don't know if I've a splinter or something. My way, my hand is itching me. There's so many things happening with my skin right now. But yeah, I think it was Patricia Bright who posted a video of her buying a jacket from Tik Tok Shop. And she's like, this jacket was so cute. I saw it on one of my favorite like creators. This quality of this jacket is so bad. Like she was like, literally like, what the heck is this? And it's like, that's the part that's kind of sad. You want to be known for recommending good things. Yeah, you want to, because that's what builds your credit credibility over time. Like, okay, I'm seeing you post another paid ad. That's fine though because I know you have good taste. I know you'll get, you'll never see me wrong. But if you recommend to me, nonsense after nonsense after nonsense. Yes, you have that commission, but at what cost? And also you need to remember there's also a lifetime value of a viewer, right? So yes, you got that 12 pence now, but now I'm never going to buy anything from you again.

[Renee]

Sorry, do you know how funny that is?

[Courtney]

No. Because commission, let's not act like commissions is 50.

[Renee]

That's what I'm saying.

[Courtney]

Retail value.

[Renee]

You'll be jumping up in the guys, buy this, buy this, buy this.

[Courtney]

Because you need the five piece to add up. That's why you need to stack some cash to make this 10 hour live stream worth it. Okay? So, but then again there's that lifetime value if, okay, I've given you my 12p, but if you stirred me, steered me wrong once, I was worth £12 and you're never going to get the rest of that money because I no longer trust you. So sometimes you have to say no to the 12 pence in order to get the 12 pounds by protect. And it may happen, it may take a longer time.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

But it will protect your credibility over time. Those creators that are basically telemarketing, that's.

[Renee]

Literally what they are.

[Courtney]

They don't really build community, they don't really have following. You're not going to see them get brand deals. This is the be all and end all and they only have a finite amount of time before people tell them get a real job.

[Renee]

Yeah. One thing about Tick Tock is this.

[Courtney]

What you do for full time work, work. And anyway if it doesn't work out, they'll just sell a course. Yeah, they'll just sell a course and.

[Renee]

The course will be about how to grow.

[Courtney]

Yeah, yeah, how to grow on TikTok and how to make £5,000amonth selling on TikTok shop.

[Renee]

You know, sorry, it's a game plan so tangential. You know them MLM schemes or you know those people that be selling courses and they make their money from. From the course, literally the courses. This is how to make, make 100k. Yeah, but their 100k is from the course.

[Courtney]

Yeah, yeah. It's the new pyramid scheme. It is the new pyramid scheme and we need to be careful because that's a con. That's a con move.

[Renee]

It's actually.

[Courtney]

And then the last thing is consumer responsibility.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

And ultimately I think this is the most important one because this is the one we as consumers.

[Renee]

100%. Let's go.

[Courtney]

Yes, we can hold brands to account. Yes, we can hold, sorry, influences to account. But ultimately we have the responsibility to control ourselves. And so, okay, I've seen this product. My favorite influencer is recommending. But do I have to actually buy it for me? Do I need it? You know, and I think we're in this time of over consumption because people think it's fear of missing out.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Around. Around products. Right. Like, I want to try that body cream. Like, I really want to try the EOS Vanilla body cream.

[Renee]

Oh, it's on my bunker.

[Courtney]

Yeah, I really, really, really want to try it. I'm like, how am I gonna get it? Do you get what I mean? How am I. Realistically, I go to the States, I'm not going to be able to get.

[Renee]

It right now, Amazon, and it's like £17.

[Courtney]

There we go. But that's because of the like import taxes and all of that stuff. Realistically, Courtney, you don't need it. You actually don't need it. And again, I think this is also warping. I was thinking about this the other day. No, no, no. Actually, I'm so glad that God brought this back to memory. We don't know the definition of a cheeky tree anymore.

[Renee]

No, we don't. Yeah. We just get what we want when we want.

[Courtney]

Because. Because those times. Yeah, Sorry. No, no, I'm just thinking back to like five years ago, if somebody. No, let's even talk about pre YouTube times. Yeah, yeah, I really want LA Girl concealer.

[Renee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Courtney]

LA Girl concealer is a treat.

[Renee]

That thing was.

[Courtney]

I've got to put my lunch money aside. Heaven even. Give us blessings if somebody gifts it to you. Whoa. Birthday and you're giving me LA Girl 4 Pal concealer.

[Renee]

Do you know what is killing me, Courtney? We were actually the community, like tariffs from. Because back in the day for birthdays we used to pull our.

[Courtney]

And then get somebody that fawn. That fawn under eye contact.

[Renee]

Because everyone was fawn.

[Courtney]

Fawn or toffee. You're one of the two. Fawn or toffee. Right. For LA Girl concealer. That's a cheeky treat.

[Renee]

That is so funny.

[Courtney]

But now, because obviously we have more disposable income and stuff, we've kind of lost that concept of. I wouldn't even say it's delayed gratification, but realizing that some things are a luxury, they are actually not a necessity. So if I have cream in my bathroom.

[Renee]

Yes.

[Courtney]

Me going to spend £17 on another cream.

[Renee]

Yes.

[Courtney]

Is what they call over consumption.

[Renee]

I need to hear that.

[Courtney]

No.

[Renee]

Because there's some things in my basket that I've been Trying to convince. I need to listen.

[Courtney]

Yeah. But then it's. It's just being rational and adult enough to say, I'll get this when my cream finishes.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Or I'll get this when I actually have the money. I'll get this. Next time I go to New York or next time I step in the States, I'm going to pop into Target. I'm going to get my EOS cream and I'm going to call Renee and be like, do you want one? That's the. But that's the nature of mature, responsible consumerism.

[Renee]

If there's any sisters in the States right now that want to gift us with anything because we also accept gifts, I feel like we don't talk about.

[Courtney]

That enough because they don't know where to send it to you.

[Renee]

That's true. You need to create a P.O. box.

[Courtney]

I think you think that this thing is for you to just scam people out of.

[Renee]

I am the telemarketer that you're speaking of. I am the telemarketer.

[Courtney]

Yeah. I think, think. I just think we need to be responsible consumers and we need to be the ones who put that restraint on ourselves to stop us from over consuming but also deciding what we qualify as a worthy buy.

[Renee]

Yes.

[Courtney]

So for. I know. I know for a lot of people, especially when they start to think about budgeting their income, they start to put parameters in place like, okay, a rule for myself is I never buy anything on the first instance unless it's a repeat buy or something that I really need. If I see a nice jacket that I really like, I'm going to put in my cart. Then I'm going to wear, wait 48 hours and then I'll come back to see if it's something I want. Or maybe I'll turn on my notification when it goes on sale. That's when I'll buy it. Things like that. I think we need to get back into that habit because we're living very ostentatiously for people who don't make that level of income. If we're gonna be real, this is it. You, like you're a successful influencer is making a lot of money.

[Renee]

Ah.

[Courtney]

And it is a business expense.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

For them to buy another body cream. Cream. Even though they have 17 body creams. That is a business expense because they are buying that so that they can make more money by getting a commission or working with that brand in the future. It's an investment into their business.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

You buying that body cream even though it's your 17th body cream when you work in finance is not an investment. That is what we call recklessness.

[Renee]

But Courtney, I want to smell like vanilla.

[Courtney]

You do that.

[Renee]

Smooth skin.

[Courtney]

You do that, but the smooth skin is not going to return that £17. So you need to remember, mind yourself. How am I going to now get this money back? Or okay, I'm treating myself.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Am I happy with my treat money going on this? Because once I spend it, I'm not getting it back. There was, I was talking to somebody recently, a parent, and they were talking about they're teaching their child that, okay, you're. I'm gonna give you money for like doing chores and stuff like that. You can save up all your money to buy that thing that you want. But if you buy that thing and then you realize, guys, I'm not really. I don't really love it anymore. What can we do? You've got to wait so you can stack your coins back up. It's that simple. You can't just keep buying new things to make yourself happy. If you've bought this thing and it doesn't make you happy, you got to learn to find happiness in it. You've got to learn to find happiness in it. And that's how life works. It's like what we were talking about in the marriage conversation, right? You're married now. You're like, well, my marriage isn't making me happy. Well, this is what you got.

[Renee]

This is what you chose.

[Courtney]

So make it work. Make it work. And I think as we're getting older, because we do have money, it's like, okay, I bought this cream for 17 pounds, but I don't like it. So how are you going to make sure you haven't wasted that money? Are you going to gift it to somebody? Are you actually going to return it? That's another thing we don't do. We don't return stuff. So. Hey, sis, I hope you are enjoying this conversation. There is a lot more to come. But before we get into that, we have to answer somebody's kind of issue and problem. So it's a ding, ding, ding, dai lemma. Hey, Courtney and Renee. God bless you both. Amen. We receive that. Here's my dilemma. I have this friend lost contact with because of moving churches. Recently reconnected. And in my heart I admired her, looked up to her and greatly desired intimacy with her. But whenever I would get around her, I would make jokes that were demeaning. I felt something off about me, but I didn't decide fully that that's what I was doing. I felt insecure and not good enough to be her friend. I think my insecurity got the best of me. I'm usually a kind person, but I don't know why. Anytime I got around her, I would go for her. I think it was me trying to connect with her. She later gently spoke to me about this in the kindest way, asking me to stop, and I finally did. We later spoke as I had gone silent on her because I wanted to give her space to show her how sorry I was. Was. I feel hurt due to my own actions because she says she's forgiven me and I truly know that. But I don't trust myself to steward this relationship. I want a deep bond with her. I truly want to be her friend and not just her acquaintance. She's been so kind to me and I don't know why I did what I did. I feel I've lost her trust even though she's been so gracious to me. This is very interesting. Love the awareness. To be able to say, okay, the reason why this relationship kind of took a bit of a halt was because I misbehaved. But I think we need to take this awareness a little bit deeper. Why were you making these kind of jokes about your friend or about yourself in the first place? I think if your friend has identified that, hey, I don't like the way you speak to me or the way you joke about me or maybe you say some things that hurt me. We now need to take a step further after just, after apologizing to be like, okay, why did I even do that in the first place? First place. And let me not lie, girl. Women, we can be complicated. Sometimes we don't realize that we may be jealous or insecure or envious or a little bit resentful of a particular woman or spiteful of her. Until we really do some. Until we really do some. Digger, I'm sorry. Until we really do some deeper digging right for you. I can't tell you what might be going on in your heart or in your mind when it comes to this friend of yours and how you may feel towards her. But what I will say is this, sis, I need you to take a step back from this desire to really be this lady's friend and really think, why do I want to be her friend? And can I actually be a good friend to her? And if I'm going to be a good friend to her, what does that actually look like? And if you are unable to commit to being a good friend to this lady, leave her alone. I know you think she's cool. I know you admire her. I know you really want to be her friend. But you're going to do her more harm. Harm and your reputation more harm and your own conscience more harm by pursuing this relationship when you may not have the most mature mindset. And it can be hard to realize that, hey, I want to be this person's friend, but maybe inside me, I'm not the best friend. And that's why you need to read our book. I'll be very honest about how to be a good friend to people, because it takes quite a bit of deep work to be a good friend. A lot of people think. Think that, you know, it's just something that we all do very easily. But we as human beings are complicated. I will testify to the fact that I'm a very complex human being. And sometimes I don't show up in the best way for all people. I can find it easy to be this person's friend. And then suddenly I am interacting with this person and I'm a completely different person. Or maybe I'm a bit more harsh than I typically am, or I'm a bit more mean than I am with other people. And sometimes that's something inside of you kind of coming to the surface that that person brings out of you. Like I said, it could be jealousy, it could be an insecurity that's lying in you. It could be just meanness. And sometimes we don't know that we're mean until we start acting mean. And it takes a particular person to bring that out of us. And maybe she is maybe not called into your life to be a friend, but maybe she's the one who will make you identify that there's some things in you that still need pruning. There are some things in you which still need to be dealt with. And she is the one who, who is agitating that to make it manifest. And so I think you should take it as a blessing that you met her. Take it as a blessing that she brought these things to light in you. But now it's your responsibility to deal with these things on your own. Do not put the responsibility on her, and do not put her in a position where you may hurt her even more. I know you said that you feel guilty, and my advice is not to make you feel even more guilty, but it's to make you aware of the fact that when you hold the position, position of friend in somebody's life, it is a responsibility and you owe that person some safety. And Some respect. And if you can't honour that or offer that, don't force a friendship when you're not ready to. Maybe in the future that door will be open again. But for now, do some deep, deep self work and identify why that behavior began in the first place. Hope that this was helpful. Thank you for sending in your dilemma because very few people would be able to admit this. And so let's get back into the conversation. I'm so sorry. We actually don't return stuff. How many of us have bought stuff? It doesn't fit nice in the back of your wardrobe. One day it will return the item. Do you remember where you had to keep paper receipts?

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

So that you could take a thing back to a shop and you guard that receipt with your life, girl.

[Renee]

I still do. You know what? I feel like brands are exploiting our laziness.

[Courtney]

There we go.

[Renee]

Because when you think about like your plts, your misguideds and stuff like that, they be making that return slip real tiny.

[Courtney]

Sometimes it's not even free any anymore. To return your items. Yeah. They make you pay for the postage back to return it.

[Renee]

They really maximize their profit.

[Courtney]

Literally. And so people don't return stuff. And it's like, when did we become a generation that weighs so much money? Like, I get it. I'm not, I'm not saying we should live in poverty, but like, sometimes I have conversations with my parents and they look at me and they think, do you want a future? Do you actually. Are you serious about your life? Every time I see you have new shoes, you have a new bag, you have a new coat. Where's the other one? Oh, I threw it away. Are you mad?

[Renee]

And then when you think about it, I get that, like, especially when it comes to, like, clothes. I get that you want to express.

[Courtney]

Yourself, but you can.

[Renee]

You can only express yourself in a couple.

[Courtney]

Do you know what I mean?

[Renee]

Like, think about. Clothes are actually, when they were created, functional. It's about actually having clothes on your back, making sure that last. Making sure that you're decent. Like your modesty is.

[Courtney]

Yeah, sorry. On the point of clothes, media to last. I bought a top from ASOS stuff, but if anyone from ASOS is watching it now has a hole near the breast.

[Renee]

Oh, no.

[Courtney]

Can somebody fix it? Yeah, asos, I'm actually. Consumer rights are a thing if you.

[Renee]

Want to sponsor us as well.

[Courtney]

Too much. But asos, I need you to fix the quality of these clothes.

[Renee]

Yeah, it's you. And I feel like with asos, it's hit or miss. Sometimes you get something really nice, but then sometimes you get something it's ah, paper machine. What is this?

[Courtney]

Paper thin.

[Renee]

And then.

[Courtney]

And everything is now made from plastic. Sorry, go on.

[Renee]

No, no, no. You're so right. Literally. Listen, I love me some Zara, but I feel like no Zara models. I want to understand how they can make things look so unattractive. You know what? I feel like it's a great deter if you're trying to like, cut back, go to Zara, because you really have to imagine yourself in those outfits to want to purchase it. Like, it's really like, wow. Like, the models, they're like. And I'm like, how do you.

[Courtney]

I love the look of Zara clothes. I just wish Zara was inclusive.

[Renee]

Yeah, yeah. And then don't even get me started on plt. Plt things not pretty no more. Not pretty anymore.

[Courtney]

I'm like, plt.

[Renee]

Oh my gosh.

[Courtney]

I don't shop there anymore, though.

[Renee]

Yeah. After they've tried to do that whole old money rebrand. Yeah.

[Courtney]

But yeah, all in all, back to the task. I just think at every layer there is responsibility, brand responsibility, influencer responsibility, and consumer responsibility. The consumer responsibility is the one each of us can control.

[Renee]

Exactly.

[Courtney]

Obviously, if you're an influence influencer, you can control your actions as an influencer. And if you're a brand or a founder, whatever, you can control that as well.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

But we all need to pay attention to our consumer responsibilities and really change our outlook on how we participate in. Hi, it's Courtney and Renee from the To My Sisters podcast, and this episode is sponsored by the Long Wave, a free weekly newsletter from the Guardian.

[Renee]

Now, sisters, if you've ever felt like our stories, our global black black experiences deserve more depth, more nuance, more spotlight, the Long Wave might be just what you've been looking for.

[Courtney]

Written by Guardian columnist Nezreen Malik and edited by Jason Okundaye, this newsletter brings you rich reporting, fresh commentary and powerful features from across Africa, the us, the uk, the Caribbean and beyond. Whether it's music, politics, business or beauty, it's a space where our culture, our voices and our reality are thoughtfully explored. And conversations, which are often limited to social media and WhatsApp groups, are amplified.

[Renee]

If you love the conversations we have here, on To My Sisters. We think you'll love what the Long Wave is building too. Sign up to the Long Wave for [e-mail] TheLongWave25.

[Courtney]

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[Renee]

Every idea starts with a problem. Warby Parker's was glasses are too expensive. So they set out to change that. By designing glasses in house and selling directly to customers, they're able to offer prescription eyewear that's expertly crafted and unexpectedly affordable. Warby Parker glasses are made from premium materials like impact resistant polycarbonate and custom acetate. And they start at just $95 including prescription lenses. Get glasses made from the good stuff.

[Courtney]

Stuff.

[Renee]

Stop by a Warby Parker store near you.

[Courtney]

Consumerism.

[Renee]

Yes.

[Courtney]

Like okay, I, I, I know this product is nice. I don't need it.

[Renee]

I don't need it.

[Courtney]

I don't need it.

[Renee]

And I can also find alternatives in my tax bracket because a lot of the thing is a lot of these brands and these products really prey on the sensationalization of a particular product. Like this is the only product you need to get rid of hyperpigmentation. This is the only product you need to evoke that feeling of wellness and well being when really maybe you just needed a banana to feel good. No, that part, you know, maybe you actually just needed some energy.

[Courtney]

That part.

[Renee]

Maybe you don't need super greens. Maybe you just need to actually eat greens. You don't need the powder.

[Courtney]

Nail on the head.

[Renee]

You don't need the powder.

[Courtney]

Nail on the head.

[Renee]

Oh, I need more magnesium. I need more zinc. I need, I need more. How about you started eating well?

[Courtney]

And again it goes that back to that point of because when I take it, it makes me feel healthy. That action of taking it and having it. But, but actually supplements are meant to be supplemental. They're not meant to be essential. They are meant to be supplemental. And these things are written on the box. But because it makes me feel healthy.

[Renee]

Listen Courtney, when I say even me I was down the rabbit hole of supplements. You see nutrition geeks, yeah them, they're marketing every time, I swear. And so you have cortisol face and you need some magnesium, you need some ashwagandha, some folic acid.

[Courtney]

I say folic acid there.

[Renee]

It's actually, honestly, I like, be taking that.

[Courtney]

Good. Yeah.

[Renee]

You need some lions, man. Some.

[Courtney]

Macaron. Have you heard of macar?

[Renee]

And then now when someone asks you, oh, you're glowing, what is it? Oh, it's the Ashwagandha alliance made with the macar.

[Courtney]

Together. They have to get together.

[Renee]

And I'm like, I'm sure it's not healthy to take all of these things all the time. Time. Even their vitamin D. I was like, oh, my gosh, I really want to get there. Do you know how many IUs of.

[Courtney]

Vitamin D actually you actually need versus how much you take? And also just go out. Just go out and walk in the sun. It's currently 24 degrees outside. You should be outside, go and take your daily stroll instead of ordering another holiday bar sitting like this.

[Renee]

No, no, no.

[Courtney]

Because what is the sense. Yeah. Of being like this in your room. Yeah. Under your duvet. Me ordering vitamin D on your phone from Tik Tok Shop when the sun is outside. No, there's actually you smell instead of you to go and shower. So you. Instead of you to go and shower. Yeah. So that you can. So that you can go and walk outside. Somebody is on Tik Tok live doing. He needs some vitamin D. Vitamin D. It's 50% off. And you want just directly to your. I can't wait to become a parent so I can start pulling covers off my children. Go outside, man. Go outside.

[Renee]

Oh, my God, you're actually killing me.

[Courtney]

And then you wonder why you're rickety at the ripe old age of 22.

[Renee]

Do you know why that's funny? Because even me, I was like, maybe I need a walking pad. I said, I need a walking pad.

[Courtney]

Maybe I need a walk. I've considered it. I say I've considered it.

[Renee]

I'm inside so much. I should get a walking pad. I need to get my steps in.

[Courtney]

But then why are you inside so much? You're on Tik Tok shop. You're on Tik Tok.

[Renee]

So I need some kind of treadmill indoors.

[Courtney]

If you just put your phone, and often times it's so that you can scroll on your phone whilst you're on the. On the walking pad.

[Renee]

Literally. Literally. As in Courtney. I was like, oh, maybe I should.

[Courtney]

Get myself a walking pad. Go outside, touch the grass, literally. And a lot of this, I think it actually speaks to a wider issue, which is society is sending us to solutions. The solutions to things they've taken from us. Right? So it's like, okay, society has taken away because of how like our work life is now compared to how it was maybe 100 years ago or 200 years ago for a lot of us, especially if you come from different cultures. Work was outside, bro. Work was. You had to walk for work. Your walking was your.

[Renee]

We need to be like the Spanish and take them.

[Courtney]

You need to say, but now you can't do that because we're doing office jobs nine to five, right? And so you've missed, maybe, and especially when you in the UK in the winter time, maybe you've missed the window where the sun is even outside and you've had to be inside. Now you're going outside, it's dark. So of course you need vitamin D and that's not a problem. But now you're influencing girls in Ghana. You that you live in Sanyakra, you need vitamin D. Why do you need vitamin D supplements?

[Renee]

As in in the background of your videos. Even the fun.

[Courtney]

Do you get what I mean? I'm taking my vitamin d for what? 4:00am the sun is beaming through your window. Why are you taking Fitbit? Because it makes you feel healthy.

[Renee]

Makes me feel good?

[Courtney]

No, it's because you've seen the wellness girlies do it and now you think that's what you have to do to simulate wellness. But let's be guided. Let's be. And this is. Sorry, last.

[Renee]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Courtney]

We all need to go back to school. This is proof people are not educated anymore.

[Renee]

No, truly, people are not.

[Courtney]

You find a product, surely the first thing you should do is research. Do you remember back in the day? Go on. No worries. Oh, change the card. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Remember when drew. I remember. In Jesus name.

[Renee]

I remember when.

[Courtney]

I remember.

[Renee]

I remember when my mind came back.

[Courtney]

Fun. Can you imagine you live in the sun. Sunny. The sunny landscapes of Lagos, Nigeria. 4,000, 16,000. You're even importing it, bro, from places where they have no sub. Just letting Jeff Bezos rob you, bro. Nah.

[Renee]

There's so many TikTok videos I need to be sending. Have you seen. You need to see the like 15 step shower routines.

[Courtney]

That's insane. 15 steps these ts. I only have one soap, bro. One soap. Had to condense down to one soap.

[Renee]

It's like. So there's going to be three soaps.

[Courtney]

And then it's also giving joblessness. Peak joblessness. 15 step routine. I have 10 minutes to get out of the shower before my next meeting. Yes, Lord. Do you remember when we first started shopping on AliExpress? Yes, you would find one vendor. The amount of days you would take to do research before you handle on YouTube.

[Renee]

Beauty Forever.

[Courtney]

Thank you so much. On YouTube. Thank you so much. And you'll be watching reviews. You even put a Beauty forever non sponsored review. Yes. Because I need to know what I put my money into. I want to know what I'm funding and what will I get back. Nowadays, somebody on Tik Tok is telling you buy this cream that has literal life chemicals inside and instead of you to read research, you bought it.

[Renee]

Do you know what? Oh my gosh. So related. Yeah. But the rise of wellness and holistic healing practices means that we no longer have experts that are formulating these things. No, no. Because it's not even just them peddling products. Somebody is making cream in their backyard. Somebody is making.

[Courtney]

In a jar they haven't sterilized in a jar.

[Renee]

They're making a sugar scrub.

[Courtney]

And you wonder why you have a Easter infection on your chest. Sorry. Things need to be addressed. These things need to be addressed.

[Renee]

There's actual flies inside this thing because they used.

[Courtney]

Anyway. When people are buying sources on the Internet.

[Renee]

Do you remember pink picture?

[Courtney]

Thank you. But back to what I was saying. We need to go back to being researchers. And it does beg a question around expertise. I really like that you brought that up because a lot. We're not estheticians.

[Renee]

No.

[Courtney]

We're not dietitians. There are people that went to school for this. For this. And so they know what's good and what's. Let's listen to expert advice. Also. Let's pair the two commercial and experts.

[Renee]

Courtney, I wish we had even more time because one thing. Tangential but related. Yeah. Do you know who needs to go back to school as well?

[Courtney]

Who?

[Renee]

Beauty service providers.

[Courtney]

Oh, no. To be fair, we do actually need to do a whole, whole episode on beauty service providers at this point because we're all going through a lot.

[Renee]

It's. It's too much.

[Courtney]

We're all going through. But yeah, I just. I think we need to go back to researching.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

You know, like, okay, what does this. Okay. You've heard about what's a very popular. Hyaluronic acid.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Okay, cool. You've heard about hyaluronic acid or. Okay, my skin needs vitamin E. What are some natural sources of vitamin E I could put on my skin versus. And this is why I brought up this whole point. Sorry, I've got back to it. It. We're buying products that maybe have only one drop of active ingredient.

[Renee]

Bro.

[Courtney]

When we could go and Get a natural product that has more active ingredient in it. That's why when you said about maybe I just need a banana, maybe that's all you need to put in some, do some Ashton hall, put some banana skin on your face like this and next thing you know then. Your skin is bright. No, your skin is bright.

[Renee]

What have you been doing? I've been eating my bananas.

[Courtney]

I've been eating my bananas. Been rubbing it on my skin, drinking my water. That's how our parents were passing on beauty routines.

[Renee]

N sorry. Do you know how funny now somebody.

[Courtney]

Ask you how's your skin glowing? You're now opening a medicine cabinet filled with stuff like you're a pharmacist.

[Renee]

Oh. So I had had what they call cortisol.

[Courtney]

And now you wonder why you're having kidney failure in your 30s, renal failure in your 30s, pancreatic issues. Because these things have consequences though. Like when you think about. Imagine you're a 14 year old girl. Yeah. Who starts taking all of these things that are being recommended from the diet stuff to the wellness stuff. Now you're putting stuff that's going into your system on your skin.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

But then also internally you're ingesting it. What's that going to do to you in 20 years time? We don't know.

[Renee]

We're about to find out.

[Courtney]

Shah you're now in 20 years you're seeing fibroids. Fibroids? Fibrosis. Fibroids. It's serious. No, you're. Because also let's be serious. Black women, we consume and so a lot of people then, you know, they target us so that we buy more of these products. Next thing you know, in 20 years we have fibroids.

[Renee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Courtney]

Like so.

[Renee]

Right. Oh gosh. We all just need to go natural. Let not Dr. Sebi because even he's selling some stuff.

[Courtney]

There we go. People be trying to say, I think, I think it's not even just about going natural. I think it's just about do your research into what you're trying to buy.

[Renee]

And what makes what actually works for you.

[Courtney]

Thank you. Because some of us are doing too much. You're doing entirely too much. And also don't let people problematize things that aren't problems.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Okay. You have acne, I get it. It may be doing a, a madness on your insecurities and stuff. Fine. But two spots does not constitute as acne. Oh all this self diagnosis as well. We need to be careful.

[Renee]

This one, hyperpigmentation. They'll be telling you that you have some kind of.

[Courtney]

You gotta find one medical day for something. You don't even google it.

[Renee]

WebMD tricolor.

[Courtney]

Itis like. And then you'll be going around telling people I have this. So I have to use all of these things. No, darling. You had a random simple pseudo cream.

[Renee]

Might be a bit of eczema. That's okay.

[Courtney]

A little bit of something even like.

[Renee]

Or just go to your GP Hyperpigmentation. Do you know what really pains me, man? Then don't think about this.

[Courtney]

Sorry. I was literally just about. You know how many men have dark inner thighs? They don't give a heck. Do you see them buying strawberry scrub? How many people's bum is dark? Are they buying apricot something? Do you know how long they advertising athletes spray? Because men be having it. They don't give a toss. They give a heck.

[Renee]

Still using the two in one.

[Courtney]

My wife still loves me and that's all that matters. That's the problem. Problem. We need to stop. You get one pimple on the inside of your leg, suddenly you've got all the serums in the world. Men don't give a heck. Then men even smell. But because of desirability politics. He's now going to spend your whole inheritance on a 15 step shower routine. That man doesn't even. He has holes in his socks. He hasn't even sprayed his shoes. That man has barely a. Barely a stink to scrub his back.

[Renee]

Oh my gosh.

[Courtney]

No judgment.

[Renee]

We listen and we judge.

[Courtney]

No. No judgment. No. We have to judge no judgment. During p times where they say that they didn't used to buff. They were still married. They were still married. No, that. That. I'm telling you. How often do you hear men talking about hyper pigmentation? This man's chest could be black as the night sky. They don't care. They don't care. Get him some deodorant of five in one. So peace vine.

[Renee]

Sorry.

[Courtney]

No, no. Because men be having hyperpigmentation. PT just knuckles, black foot back, dry knees, ashy. And what do they have one cream for their body outfits. And what are they still doing? Living.

[Renee]

And it's the most non. There's not a single active ingredient.

[Courtney]

They are living. They are living. I remember there was a day I gave my face cream to and my. My. He was my boyfriend. He was like can I use it to moisturize? I said yeah, fine. He took it to moisturize. If you see the minuscule about this, if you saw the small. You know when somebody does this. Yeah. I could still hear his hands were ea dry. I'm hearing more hands than cream. I said open up the palm of your hands. No wonder our parents were creaming our face like that. Yeah, because the nonsense. Anyway, this is not commentary on men and their hygiene practices. But again, it's because women are consumers actually. And if people know they can attach our social standing to our beauty performances, our rituals, they'll always have us in the palm of their hand. Do you know if I squeeze cream like that at that rate every day? Because he has nice skin. That's the bit that even pisses you off. And they have nice skin because they're not using a million products. We're always talking about our men's hair grows so fast, fast. Men's skin always looks nice. It's cuz they don't. They don't do much.

[Renee]

Not a single but us.

[Courtney]

You've used this high hydropigmentation cream. You actually have more hyperpigmentation now than you had before.

[Renee]

Oh my God.

[Courtney]

I squeezed cream at the rate of a milligram per time. I too would not buy cream for five years.

[Renee]

You know how they say that the body's like natural sebum production.

[Courtney]

And I get it. Men's needs, women's needs. Like skin wise, their body is like, you don't treat me, I must produce it for myself. And it's not to make men the standard, but it's just to say as human beings we don't need as much products as is pedal to us, especially as women. Like the amount of soaps that are prescribed to just the vaginal area when we have so many studies for proving your vagina doesn't need soap, bro. It's a self cleaning organism.

[Renee]

And you know what kills me like you were saying is have you seen those like tik tok. Sorry guys for the crude word in here. Like those tik tok or like the content that's like oh, I'm going to my de appointment and they use like 20 million different things. All these nice perfumes, but it's like the man that you're going to see.

[Courtney]

Yeah, hasn't changed. Personally for me, I don't support anything that promotes fornication. I don't care.

[Renee]

So you know, it's like desirability politics.

[Courtney]

It has people in a chokehold, especially us women.

[Renee]

And now you're out here putting perfume.

[Courtney]

In your hoohah up there. In fact, sorry.

[Renee]

It tastes like fruit.

[Courtney]

That's a use. At least three years a sentence of bacterial vaginosis.

[Renee]

Oh, you see?

[Courtney]

Have you Seen Candidas. Candidas. That's what's happening now. Candidasis. You're so goddamn bro.

[Renee]

Oh my gosh. We. We ought to rap.

[Courtney]

And you know what? Actually, sorry, sorry. I just want to add one more point because this is very dynamic. This is very dynamic. This is why we need to, we need to reconcile relationships between generations of women.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Because if mothers and aunties and older women could just sit women down and it be a safe space to discuss this, we wouldn't buy half the things that we buy because most of the time, unfortunately, we're learning about hygiene from our peers.

[Renee]

Yes.

[Courtney]

And it's the blind leading the blind perfume on your vagina. Is that literally symptomatic of the blind leading them? You are 14 and another 14 year old has told you to buy so Charlie's pro spray and spray it on your vagina. Well, not even on your vagina. On your. What's the part that's outside your labia and your other parts. You've now sprayed these things on your vulva on the recommendation of somebody else who barely has even started their menses.

[Renee]

Bro.

[Courtney]

But if you had your mom.

[Renee]

Oh, that is.

[Courtney]

And you listen to your hair or your big sister or your grandmother, they would tell you you just need a little splash of water and that's it. But because we don't listen because the generational links have been broken.

[Renee]

It's not in school anymore.

[Courtney]

We don't, we don't hear this advice. And now we're putting ourselves in danger. Like all these old school recipes we're talking about. Is it not our mothers and grandmothers that they. No. Okay, you want to grow your edge, just go get that leaf from that tree. Just.

[Renee]

And it be working.

[Courtney]

That's it. It'd be working. All of these round the houses, around the corners, you've now bought 17,000 Edge Drops.

[Renee]

Well, I knew when they tried to consumerize the African net sponge, I knew.

[Courtney]

Where Beyonce and another part of this story is. Colon. It's neocolonialism. Sorry, sorry. No, no, no, no. We need to talk about neocon because back to again, Ashwagandha, makaru and all of these things. Where are these things from? And there have been places that have been selling these things, using these things and are still using them. They're not ancient practices that died.

[Renee]

They're still being practice.

[Courtney]

They're just not western.

[Renee]

You know what killed me? See that African net sponge. When I saw it on Tik tok.

[Courtney]

Shop for $8.99, it's even 10 pounds in some places. Something you market. I buy for 70 be, bro. Even less practice by the ancient practices to you. In fact, it's not even ancient to you. Your ancient people didn't bath. It's somebody's ancient practices you've now repackaged. You have found. You've done the new. The colonial expedition and you have found stuff and you're bringing it back. Discovery.

[Renee]

You know that there's a meme that's like, we should all know less about each other. I feel like this is one of those topics where it's like, I don't want to know this about you. I didn't need to know that. You did a buff before and now they've been able to charge you eight history points.

[Courtney]

History books will tell the tell, the tell.

[Renee]

Well, our time is fast.

[Courtney]

I don't even know what you can practically take out of this episode. But I hope it was helpful to you. And honestly, obviously, you put your wellness and your health at the forefront of your own life and focus. Because if you leave it to these other people, they'll rubbish you. They'll rubbish you. You'll just be smelling. Let's be honest, Renee. Let's be very, very honest. You will smell. You will smell.

[Renee]

In essence.

[Courtney]

And it's always the people. So sorry.

[Renee]

No, I couldn't. You have fair to say on.

[Courtney]

This is actually killing me. Sorry. Very last.

[Renee]

No, go for it, please.

[Courtney]

The people that have all the products that still don't smell good. It's a mask, metaphorically, that you sprayed from Dubai. We can still smell the beast. Go to your gp. That's all I want to add. What do they call it when you, like, let me. Not just halosis. Sorry. There is only so much you can consume before you have to go to.

[Renee]

A. I have a story about halos, but I should. I don't know if I should tell the story. You know, tell the story real quick.

[Courtney]

I'm so sorry.

[Renee]

I'm so sorry.

[Courtney]

I'm sorry.

[Renee]

Basically, my brother was going to university. Or maybe I should use fictional characters. My brother was going to university.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

And there was a person that was like driving his stuff and so dropped his stuff, all of that kind of stuff. And then was like, oh, do you guys want to hop in the car? Because the car that my dad bought wouldn't fit everybody.

[Courtney]

Oh, yeah.

[Renee]

So we had taken train and stuff like that. So it was me and my mom and my sister that hopped into the car to get home. Courtney, I thought BO was bad.

[Courtney]

Halitosis is really bad.

[Renee]

Halitosis is a medical condition.

[Courtney]

Exactly.

[Renee]

Because that. Halitosis, when I say it filled that very quickly.

[Courtney]

Because you know what is about halitosis? It comes through your nose. Even if you've closed your mouth. Mouth. Yeah. I can still smell it. It's permeated into the atmosphere. Every time you breathe, you are infecting this. Speak. Oh, my God.

[Renee]

Like, I have never. The window was down so much and half of my sister was trying to fall asleep.

[Courtney]

It's disturbing. And it's not to shame anyone. It literally. It's not to shame anyone. Oh. Oh, no. It's not to shame anyone. Like, I remember when I was younger, I used to suffer with thrush, like, often.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

I used to think, what the heck is going on? Till I realized you don't need to use soap on your vagina. And literally, the more that I was, like, getting fresh and getting frustrated with it, the more soap I was using, not realizing that this is actually the problem. So it's not to shame anyone. It's to say, like, the answer is not more products. The answer isn't to buy a new toothpaste. Yeah, well, maybe it is, but. But it's. It's been. Hopefully it is, but it's. It's to be educated on which one to buy versus just buying everyone. Every. Everything that everyone is sending you. Exactly. So it's doing the research. If you buy a tongue scraper, use it and take it from the back to the front proper. Just yank it all out. Right. But be educated on what you need to do and what will actually work. And I'm. I'm saying this because I really want to be an advocate for you to go to professional. Professionals.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

People on the Internet are not professionals. Go to your local dentist.

[Renee]

They're not.

[Courtney]

They will know what to do. They go to your gp, go to your gynecologist.

[Renee]

This is the thing. Like, people are not going to these.

[Courtney]

Checkups because they're wasted, because it's expensive. But you're wasting money on all of these products. If you had saved them. If you think of how many soaps. Yeah. People will buy trying to fix this issue. If you had bundled that money and gone to pay for a gynecologist, do you not think it would have helped you?

[Renee]

All these teeth whitening strips. All these teeth whitening strips, we could.

[Courtney]

Talk about it forever.

[Renee]

Sisters, we love you. We must leave. Yeah, we must leave.

[Courtney]

We would love to hear you.

[Renee]

Oh. We would love to hear your thoughts.

[Courtney]

Please.

[Renee]

Hey, sisters, we hope you enjoyed that episode as much as we enjoyed it. Comment down below and let us know your thoughts around the conversation. We would love, love love to hear it. But before we leave you to go and ponder on all things self serving, self care and selling lies, we do have a reflective exercise for you to speed through during the week and the question for this week's episode is this. What is it that truly makes me feel happy, whole well and beautiful, especially when nobody is watching watching? Have a real think about that and really also question whether you actually need to be a consumerist to be able to achieve that level of happiness and wellness, or whether it's something that you can cultivate either for free or as low cost as possible, sending you lots and lots of love. And of course to stay plugged into all things To My Sisters, make sure you follow us on all of our social media platforms at to my Sisterhood on literally, literally everything. If you have been watching us on YouTube for a while sis, what are you doing? Make sure that you subscribe to us and make sure that you leave a comment saying hi because we love talking to you and engaging with all of our new sisters as well as all of our old sisters. And of course make sure you follow on Tick Tock on Instagram, all of our other platforms. And of course you can follow us individually. You can definitely follow my wonderful bestie Courtney over at CD Bar starting and come and follow me over at Renee Kapuku. And whilst you're at it, make sure you join the Sisterhood. Yes, that is our exclusive digital platform where we have a weekly live stream with our sisters from across the world where we touch base on the episode, what we're feeling, accountability and a whole lot more. So make sure you sign up. The link will also be in the description as well as the show notes Sisters. Also lastly, make sure you are signed up to our weekly mailing list if you want to make sure that you never miss a beat. When it comes to all things tms from events to new content coming out to new products, make sure that you are tuned in and plugged into our mailing list where you can sign up over at www.to my sisters.com sisters wishing you a wonderful epic week ahead and as always, always keep glowing and growing.

[Courtney]

Hey, I'm Elise Hu, host of the podcast Ted Talks Daily. For more than 20 years, Paylocity has been leading the way with cutting edge work solutions like On Demand Payment which offers employees access to wages prior to payday, flexible time tracking features which enable staff to clock in and out through their mobile device and numerous other cutting edge support solutions that simplify collaboration across hr, finance and it. Learn more about how Paylocity can help streamline work and enhance business outcomes for your [e-mail] Simplified.