To My Sisters: "The Patriarchy Pivot: Why Do We Hate Successful Women Now More Than Ever"

Hosts: Courtney Daniella Boateng & Renée Kapuku
Date: November 9, 2025

Episode Overview

Courtney and Renée dive into the “Patriarchy Pivot” and the recent phenomenon of ‘getting woman’—the cultural backlash against women, especially Black women, as they attain success, visibility, or transition into new life stages. They explore how societal expectations, internalized misogyny, and capitalist structures intersect to shape perceptions of successful women and content creators. The episode is a candid, deeply insightful conversation on sisterhood, advocacy, evolving identities, and unapologetic success.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The “Getting Woman” Phenomenon

[01:47–16:30]

• Definition: The term, coined by Adela Afadi, describes how women (especially female creators) who “glow up” or experience positive life changes suddenly face hostility or alienation from audiences—both men and women.
• Context: Renée explains this isn’t limited to online spaces but happens in real life: as women reach milestones like marriage or financial success, their relationships and public perception shift—often negatively.
• Relatability Crisis: “The girls don’t like them no more … all of a sudden we have this kind of almost mass sentiment of we don’t mess with that person no more.” – Renée [17:54]
• Personal Reflection: Courtney and Renée discuss their own experiences as public figures transitioning through life changes (e.g., marriage) and the pressures or expectations that arise.

2. Society’s Expectation of Women to “Pivot”

[18:50–21:37]

• Social Pressures: People expect women to change their identities to revolve around patriarchal milestones (marriage, wealth, career).
• Cultural Norms: In many cultures, women are advised to drop single friends or shift circles post-marriage or promotions.
• Capitalism & Patriarchy Intersect: Courtney observes the “getting woman” backlash often intensifies once a woman’s success reflects a new tax bracket or higher level of visibility.

“It happens at this perfect intersection of patriarchy and capitalism.” – Courtney [21:29]

3. The Authenticity–Relatability Dilemma for Women Creators

[21:37–25:98]

• Discusses how audiences often “freeze” women in time, resenting natural evolution and growth.
• “You represent a particular thing … to someone else, it’s ‘you’ve changed completely to who I thought you were committed to being.’ I never said I was committed to being that person. That’s just how you found me.” – Courtney [22:13]
• Male creators are often allowed to evolve or flaunt wealth without backlash; for women, especially Black women, displaying success is policed and often seen as ego.

4. Internalized Misogyny & Policing Black Women’s Success

[25:16–32:18]

• Extreme resentment exists when Black women embody archetypes of success—countering harmful media stereotypes.
• Candice Braithwaite and simply_shell’s idea: Some people resent “categories of women” (like dark-skinned or plus-size) achieving happiness or visibility, as it shatters their own sense of worth or hierarchy.
• The audience sometimes projects envy:

  “For them, that was the person they always compared themselves to as in, ‘At least I’m not this person.’ … It really upsets them when that kind of person who they considered unworthy is now doing better than them.” – Courtney [31:01]

• Notable Quote:
  “Black women are not in that image. Black women are not in that picture.” – Courtney [31:40]

5. Women as “Influencers” vs Men as “Content Creators”

[36:11–39:43]

• Male creators are seen as professionals/innovators while women—regardless of skill—are labeled “influencers,” reducing their credibility and business savvy.
• The conversion of likability into profit is undervalued when accomplished by women.
• “It’s hard, it’s not an easy thing. And I think there is, I think it is very much representative of how society functions and how society views women…” – Renée [39:44]

6. Content Creator Responsibility & Community Engagement

[43:43–50:00]

• Creators risk community alienation when they lose sight of their audience’s needs or flaunt controversial life changes/partnerships.
• The balance between authentic personal growth and brand evolution is crucial; loss of connection may prompt the community to “outgrow” or critique said creator.
• “Take your community on the journey.” – Courtney [58:29]
• “Everyone should be okay with everyone’s evolution and be okay to leave—just as in real life relationships, some people are just there for a season, and that’s okay.” – Courtney [45:26]

7. The Case for Advocacy Over Mere Relatability

[61:37–62:29]

• “They actually want an advocate because you become their voice in that space.” – Renée [61:37]
• Jackie Aina as an example: Despite platform evolution and luxury, she remains a steadfast advocate for representation and inclusivity, which cements her lasting respect.

8. The Hazards (and Value) of Community Feedback

[60:44–61:16]

• The TMS hosts reflect on the power of respectful community feedback and the necessity of maintaining humility and advocacy as their platforms grow.
• “We try to be advocates for our community and you get that in response, in return.” – Courtney [61:14]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Validation is very different to the love you actually want. Anyone can validate you. Very few people can give you the love you actually want.” – Courtney [09:41]
• “We can get so happy that we are picked that we ignore the fact that we are dissatisfied with the person who picked us.” – Courtney [09:11]
• “If you do find somebody and you guys get together, please invite us all out somewhere.” – Renée [15:17]
• “You know what? We need more people. Yeah. And dare I say it something—we need Jesus who can be all, be all and end all. But that’s a separate discussion.” – Renée [63:15]
• “A good name is worth more than riches … The essence of building a personal brand is [that] you are more than building a business and making riches. You are building a good name that will take you a lot further.” – Courtney [53:05]

Important Timestamps

• [04:10–15:24]: Community Dilemma discussion – “Dating readiness,” self-worth, and authenticity.
• [15:53]: Introduction to the ‘Patriarchy Pivot’ and “getting woman.”
• [21:01–22:13]: Courtney explains the progression of creators and the audience’s discomfort with change.
• [31:01]: Comparing oneself to other types of women—anger at seeing “unworthy” women succeed.
• [37:43]: The “scheme that Todd set up” and women’s constant need to perform for validation.
• [44:25–45:26]: Pitfalls of stunting and alienating your core community as a creator.
• [49:04]: The more successful you are, the more responsibility you have to the community.
• [53:05]: “A good name is worth more than riches”—how reputation is the true asset.

Flow & Tone

• Highly conversational, witty, and supportive—these are two “big sisters” speaking directly to fellow women and content consumers.
• Both hosts are candid, weaving in sociological theory, pop culture references, personal experiences, humor, and spiritual encouragement.
• Jokes and asides (e.g., “The girls going to get defend us … I might even pin your comments. Yeah, I will pin it. The pin of shame.” [65:05]) maintain levity but underscore deeper truths.

Conclusion

Courtney and Renée challenge listeners to reflect on their own attitudes toward successful women, particularly Black women, and to interrogate both external and internalized biases. They emphasize the importance of advocacy, community, and authenticity—reminding creators and supporters alike that growth is natural and that true impact comes from remaining connected to and fighting for your community.

Call to action:
Engage respectfully, support creators through their evolution, and—above all—root for one another’s success rather than resenting it.

Listen To:

• [15:53] for the core “patriarchy pivot” introduction.
• [31:01] for a powerful discussion on Black women's success, envy, and representation.
• [53:05] for Courtney’s summation on reputation and legacy.

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