The Truth Behind Being an 'IT' Girl: Hyper-Productivity, Never Feeling Good Enough & Perfectionism

Summary

Podcast Summary: To My Sisters - "The Truth Behind Being an 'IT' Girl: Hyper-Productivity, Never Feeling Good Enough & Perfectionism"

Release Date: March 30, 2025
Hosts: Courtney Daniella Boateng & Renée Kapuku
Duration: Approximately 50 minutes

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Introduction to the "It Girl" Phenomenon

In today’s episode, Courtney and Renée delve deep into the pervasive trend of the "It Girl" persona, unpacking the hidden pressures and unrealistic standards that come with it. They aim to reveal what’s often glossed over in popular narratives surrounding this idealized image.

[02:10] Courtney: "Hashtag it, girl. Hashtag that girl. Hashtag I am her."

The Allure and Exploitation of Trends

The hosts discuss why trends, especially those promoting the "It Girl" image, gain traction so effortlessly. They highlight the role of capitalism in exploiting consumers' deep-seated desires to be trendy and the psychological impact this has on self-worth.

[02:58] Renee: "A lot of these brands... know that they're going to be exploiting a deep need or a deep insecurity or deep desire that a lot of women have to be hip and trending."

Hyper-Productivity: The Double-Edged Sword

Courtney and Renée explore the concept of hyper-productivity, where the relentless pursuit of efficiency and accomplishment leads to burnout and a diminished sense of self-worth. They emphasize how societal pressures push individuals to maximize every waking hour, often at the expense of personal well-being.

[21:46] Courtney: "It's very easy to forget that... Is my motivation behind your work and why you're kicking yourself into this space."

Perfectionism and the Perpetual Pursuit of More

The conversation shifts to perfectionism, where the "It Girl" persona fosters an obsession with flawless living. This creates an unattainable benchmark that constantly shifts, making individuals feel perpetually inadequate.

[07:40] Courtney: "The benchmark for it spirit is always moving. Like, you know, as soon as you conquer the 6:00am, now there's the 5:00am I seeing 3:00am routines."

The Loss of Individuality and Authenticity

Renée and Courtney critique how the "It Girl" trend encourages conformity, leading to a homogenized generation that loses its unique identities. They argue that the emphasis on aesthetics over personal growth undermines genuine self-development.

[01:09] Courtney: "It could never be I."

The Cycle of Self-Improvement: Striving Without Fulfillment

The hosts dissect the self-improvement industry’s role in perpetuating the "It Girl" cycle. They caution against the endless loop of self-enhancement that prioritizes future perfection over present happiness and self-acceptance.

[09:48] Renee: "Suddenly your life is all about improvement rather than presence."

Embracing Grace and Sustainable Growth

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to the importance of granting oneself grace and adopting sustainable growth practices. Courtney and Renée advocate for balancing productivity with rest, emphasizing that true well-being stems from accepting one’s current state and allowing for genuine rest and regeneration.

[34:33] Renee: "Reframing needing grace or needing pauses or needing rest is actually fundamental to your capacity to go."

Humility and Recognizing Human Limitations

The discussion deepens into the necessity of humility in the face of relentless self-improvement. The hosts encourage listeners to recognize their human limitations and embrace their inherent worth beyond societal expectations.

[41:24] Courtney: "You have to embrace the humble part of your story... you are limited being."

Spiritual Perspectives on Self-Worth

Integrating their faith, Courtney and Renée highlight how spiritual beliefs can offer a counter-narrative to the "It Girl" pressures. They stress the significance of deriving self-worth from a divine relationship rather than external achievements or appearances.

[46:58] Courtney: "That's where my specialness comes from... it's the Holy Ghost."

Conclusion: Redefining Success and Encouraging Authenticity

In their concluding remarks, Courtney and Renée urge listeners to redefine what it means to be successful and to prioritize authenticity over trend conformity. They invite their community to share experiences and foster a supportive sisterhood that values genuine growth and self-acceptance.

[50:43] Courtney: "Things work out... keep glowing, growing."

Key Takeaways

• Unrealistic Standards: The "It Girl" trend sets unattainable benchmarks that shift constantly, fostering feelings of inadequacy.

• Hyper-Productivity Risks: An obsession with being perpetually productive can lead to burnout and diminish personal well-being.

• Loss of Individuality: Conforming to trends can erode unique identities, promoting a homogenized society.

• Cycle of Self-Improvement: Constant self-enhancement without fulfillment can trap individuals in an unending pursuit of perfection.

• Embracing Grace: Granting oneself grace and recognizing the need for rest are essential for sustainable growth and well-being.

• Humility and Faith: Acknowledging human limitations and deriving self-worth from spiritual beliefs can counter societal pressures.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• [02:10] Courtney: "Hashtag it, girl. Hashtag that girl. Hashtag I am her."

• [02:58] Renee: "A lot of these brands... know that they're going to be exploiting a deep need or a deep insecurity..."

• [07:40] Courtney: "The benchmark for it spirit is always moving..."

• [21:46] Courtney: "Is my motivation behind your work and why you're kicking yourself into this space."

• [34:33] Renee: "Reframing needing grace... is actually fundamental to your capacity to go."

• [46:58] Courtney: "That's where my specialness comes from... it's the Holy Ghost."

• [50:43] Courtney: "Things work out... keep glowing, growing."

Final Thoughts

Courtney and Renée powerfully articulate the often unseen struggles behind the "It Girl" image, advocating for a more authentic and compassionate approach to personal growth. By emphasizing grace, humility, and self-acceptance, they offer a refreshing perspective that counters the high-pressure demands of modern societal trends.

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For more insights and weekly tips on glowing and growing, visit To My Sisters and join their supportive community across various social media platforms.

Transcript

[Renee]

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[Courtney]

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[Renee]

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[Courtney]

And in today's episode, we are talking about what they don't tell you about being that girl.

[Renee]

We want what we want, but we want it quickly.

[Courtney]

Yes, I want that, But I become obsessed about it because deep down, I'll never get it. Because the benchmark for it is always moving.

[Renee]

If you get the Stanley cup, you've made it. If you've had your avocado on toast between these times, you've made it. If you've had your, you know, iced cup of matcha latte, something something, insert very long coffee name here. You are that girl.

[Courtney]

Teenage. You conquer the 6am now there's the 5am. I've been seeing 3am routines.

[Renee]

3. Listen to me, beloved 3.

[Courtney]

It could never be I.

[Renee]

But this idea that this instant access and overexposure to so many lives is really resulting in a bland generation. We all want to look the same. We all want to sound the same. We all want to have the same routines. I can't count how many morning routines that follow the same formulaic steps.

[Courtney]

It's no longer just about, you know, personal growth and wanting to be better. It really is about I want my life to look a particular way.

[Renee]

It prevents you from enjoying things in the present.

[Courtney]

That it goes you if you just decide to focus on me.

[Renee]

Hello and welcome to the two My Sisters podcast. I'm Renee.

[Courtney]

And I'm Courtney. And we are your online sisters and hosts of the To My Sisters podcast.

[Renee]

Now, we are all about promoting the wellness, growth and development of a community of sisters across the world.

[Courtney]

And in today's episode, we are talking about what they don't tell you about being that girl. You've seen the trends.

[Renee]

Oh, no.

[Courtney]

You've seen the YouTube videos.

[Renee]

Oh, no.

[Courtney]

Hashtag it, girl. Hashtag that girl. Hashtag I am her. Whoa, that one is the real Pepperdine.

[Renee]

No, that one is I am her.

[Courtney]

Yeah, but what is the truth behind all of these Personas of being that girl? Let's talk about hyper productivity. Let's talk about the pressure to always be glowing up let's talk about grace and sustainability.

[Renee]

Gosh, let's talk about it all. Let's go. I make it on.

[Courtney]

What the hell is going on? No, but for real, let's talk about these Personas. That girl, it girl, her. Why do you think we see the rise of these trends, oh, gosh, from time to time?

[Renee]

From time to time. First of all, we love trends.

[Courtney]

We do.

[Renee]

We actually really love trends. And I think that it's nice to have something to subscribe to. I think it really is a question of vision as well. Right. It's something that we see often and it's aesthetics are nice. They appeal to our senses. It makes us happy to see these aesthetics that we can now aspire to through, you know, a whole bunch of means, but also capitalism. You know, a lot of people start bringing out trends and all sorts of things because it exploits people. Maybe that's not necessarily their intention, especially from the lens of like content creators, but a lot of these brands that are really like putting money behind the that scale content, they know that they're going to be exploiting a deep need or a deep insecurity or deep desire that a lot of women have to be hip and trending. And there's perks to being in the spotlight. There's perks to being in the limelight. There's perks to being liked and desired. So it's not a coincidence that we're seeing the rise in trendy stuff, the rise in this that girl, it girl, especially because it is basically given the message to women that to become popular, to become liked and desirable, These are the 10 things that you need to do. It makes it easy. And we love trends that are easy. If there's one thing about not even just women, but people in general, they like things. We like snake oil. We like the idea that hard things or perfect things can be obtained easily. And I think that's actually one of the first traps of the that girl, the it girl Persona. It's not even just that it's an image of perfection, but we also think that the glow up process to get there is also easy. It's as easy as purchasing these five things. It's as easy as adhering to this schedule. It's as easy as this reel that has taken 30 seconds for me to watch, that I'll be able to master my entire morning routine and become the perfect vision of the that girl. It creates the idea that these things are worth having and they're easy to have. And those are two questions that we actually have to ask ourselves as consumers and as women, first and foremost, is this actually what I want for myself? Because I personally believe that the that girl or the it girl needs to be uniquely individual to us.

[Courtney]

Absolutely.

[Renee]

Who is the that girl in your life? The it girl? It is the best version of you according to you and your values. Not according to some, you know, broad conception of what the that girl should be. Right. It's who is the best version of Courtney, according to Courtney. Who's the best version of Renee, according to Renee. And then in terms of actually getting there, realistic and sustainable steps to get there, too many of us think that, yeah, we can have a lot of things quickly. And that's the, I think that's really the fundamental problem of this generation. We want what we want, but we want it quickly. If you get the Stanley cup, you've made it. If you've had your avocado on toast between these times, you've made it. If you've had your, you know, iced cup of matcha latte, something something, insert very long coffee name here, you are that girl. And I think that it denies women the opportunity to really sit down and say, this is what I want for myself and this is the process through which I'm going to, to go through to actually get it. I think also, man, it kind of. I know this is a conversation that a lot of folks have been having on the Internet recently, but this idea that this instant access and overexposure to so many lives is really resulting in a bland generation. We all want to look the same, we all want to sound the same, we all want to have the same routines. I can't count how many morning routines that follow the same formulaic steps. And this is not to say that these things don't work.

[Courtney]

Know what?

[Renee]

They work for quite a few people, but it's not everyone that it's going to work for. It's not everyone that has, you know, the luxury of being able to wake up at 5am in the morning and go through their, you know, 10 step morning routine. There are some people that, you know, their parents, it's just not going to be realistic in the season that they're in. It's not everybody that's even going to be able to afford the various 15 supplements that this person or this creator takes in the morning to become the that girl, you know, for their skin or whatever. It's not realistic, but I think for women that that girl should be the best version of you. According to you. And this can be like the Things that we see on the Internet can be inspiration, absolutely. And they can be aspirational, but it can't become an idol. And I think that's where I sometimes find some trouble with the that girl or the it girl as it has arisen. I see why it's become popular. It makes perfect total sense and it's exciting and it's also really good content. It appeals to our senses. But I do think that we have to exercise, care a bit of a rant. But what do you think about that?

[Courtney]

No, I think that was good. I think that definitely hits the nail on the head. And I think there's a flip side to that as well, around these aesthetics that arise, which is they're unattainable. And sometimes it's, yes, I want that. But I become obsessed about it because deep down I'll never get it. Because the benchmark for it spirit is always moving. Like, you know, as soon as you conquer the 6:00am, now there's the 5:00am I seeing 3:00am routines.

[Renee]

3. Listen to me, beloved 3.

[Courtney]

It could never be I. No. So it's stuff like that. It's like the benchmark is constantly moving where. What is the definition of an it girl is whatever is popular and unattainable at that time. Just because it's popular doesn't mean it's common, right? Like, okay, it's popular to desire it, but most people don't have it. It's the Stanley. It's the nice clothes. It's what's in fashion now. It's trends, like you said. And we really do love trends as a people. I also think it's that key part of it, about being an aesthetic. Like, it's no longer just about, you know, personal growth and wanting to be better. It really is about I want my life to look a particular way. And I don't really care whether that way is healthy. I don't really care how I get that image. I just get there and I have the image of the thing. So I think it's sometimes encouraging women to be quite surface level. But also, I love what you said about uniqueness. And I always talk about how a lot of women never discover their uniqueness. They never discover what they like, what they want, what they want to give to the world that's unique to them and fall in love with their personality as well. And I think that that girl of every generation is so similar to the that girl of the last. Like, she's rarely ever that different. And I think we need to be careful with that because like you said, anyone can be that girl. That girl is who you consider that girl to be and who you want to become. And it's challenging when you're constantly comparing yourself to the new in trend, that girl, it girl, when actually the it girl is you. If you just decide to focus on you.

[Renee]

Right, right.

[Courtney]

To focus on you and to be you. And I think this also leads to a bigger trend that we have within society which is personal growth and personal development. We love it as an industry. It's a very lucrative industry. Like literally billions and billions prob. Even trillions go into people working on themselves. From supplements to diet pills to books to journals to literally everything. Right. Where people are to courses, ebooks and the likes where people are trying to learn how to be better. We have this obsession with better all the time. And I genuinely think there is a huge trap to this constant cycle of self improvement that we have within our society. And I think that's one of the biggest, biggest. What nobody tells you about being that girl. Always being on this hamster wheel of self improvement. Talk to me about that and our obsession with it.

[Renee]

We're obsessed. It's too much, entirely too, too much. And I get where it comes from. I think we're now in a generation where we have the tools to make a difference to our lives. Now more than ever before. The tools of self improvement or the tools for you to change your life are more accessible. Right. Back in the day, like access to books, for example, and literacy and all of that kind of stuff was really, really tough. We're seeing the democratization of information and so it's not a surprise that a lot of people have the desire to make the most out of it. It's okay, cool. I want to have the best body now. I have access to a whole bunch of things that I probably wouldn't have had access to in the last generation. Of course I'm going to do that. Wow. Oh my gosh. All of these books on self improvement and growth, mindset. I now have access to these things. Of course I'm going to take my opportunity to try and make myself a better person. To be able to access a whole bunch of capital and wealth and whatnot and lift my family from whatever so and so, so and forth is the argument. I think the access or even the overloading of information that a lot of people have, there's the need to make the most of it because it's so accessible and it's very easy to see where that has come from. And I Think. Do you know what? It's a beautiful thing that people want to improve themselves. I think the desire for self improvement or the desire to be somebody that is striving towards perfection inherently isn't a bad thing. But like most things, when you take it to the extreme, that's when it becomes a problem. Suddenly your life is all about improvement rather than presence. Suddenly it's all about how quickly can I get to the next high, how quickly can I get to the next level, how quickly can I be validated by me running through these hoops and getting to the end, only to be thrown back onto the hamster wheel to the next best thing? And I think there is a restless nature that comes as a result of being bought into self improvement. Right? You're always looking for the next best thing to change about yourself, to transform. And. And it makes me think of, oh, I can't remember the name of the tech entrepreneur that sold his business and is currently trying to evade death.

[Courtney]

Yeah, I can't remember his name either.

[Renee]

But I know I might begin with a B. Anyways, but for context, for those listening, there's a guy who, he, I think. Was it PayPal? No, it wasn't PayPal. He sold a massive tech company, got a huge payout from it, and he was able to use a lot of that funding into self improvement, personal growth, all of that kind of good stuff. But his aim is to reverse the agency process. So he has been doing a whole bunch of really expensive experiments to find out what is the perfect way to live, what is the perfect, you know, supplements to have what is, you know, literally the perfect life to have to try and defy the aging process. The problem with that is you look at his life, at least for me and quite a few people in the comments, and you realize, huh, your life has become obsessed with this one particular goal of defying the aging process to the point that it has so affected your capacity to enjoy any other part of your life. And I think that's where we need to be careful. The trap of self improvement and personal growth is it prevents you from enjoying things in the present. And it sucks out the joy of being in a season because you're constantly looking at the next season. You're constantly. And it even causes you to despise where you're at right now. I think that as beautiful as it is to want to be a better person, I think if you're constantly focusing on the better person, that actually doesn't exist yet, you're denying yourself the important work of accepting who you are right now, like actually sitting with and being present with who you are right now, present in your relationships. You're constantly thinking about this mythical person that doesn't exist and you're idolizing the person that doesn't exist as well. And oftentimes it can get to a place where you actually have low self esteem and your esteem is found in how much you can improve yourself. Right. It's I don't think I'm going to be worthy of love until I've improved to this particular level. I don't think I'm going to be worthy of any kind of relationship. Even like when we think about dating, coaches, etc, a lot of people who seek out that kind of advice in the extremes don't believe that they're worthy of a healthy kind of love until they have improved to the point of I don't even know where it gets to its extremes. Right. And then you start to deny yourself actually getting into relationships with people, entertaining conversations with people from the opposite sex because you believe that in order to access this dream life, this dream person, you have to get to this particular level. Not realizing that you could be missing out on blessings all around you right now because you're so hyper fixated on your goal, you're missing out on the blessings that are in your midst. So I think that's a huge trap of the self improvement cycle. The self improvement wheel. It takes your focus, especially in the extremes. It takes your focus and attention off of the things in the present that you could really be enjoying, you could find joy in and happiness investing in things in the now. Of course there needs to be a balance, but you really start to idolize the person that you're not and only start to think that your worth, self esteem and value can be found once you've attained a particular level. So much so that you despise the things around you, the people around you, and even who you are right now. Yeah, that's a big thing when it comes to the whole self improvement thing. But what do you think that's so good?

[Courtney]

I completely agree. I think it's interesting actually that you bring up that guy because every time that guy pops up on my feed, I'm like, you still look old, like you've done all this work. I'm not trying to be rude. I'm not trying to be rude.

[Renee]

No, because you just said we're everybody. And I seen some comments that said that. I'm like, y'all bold. You guys are bold.

[Courtney]

Not trying to be Rude.

[Renee]

It's not rude. It's an observation.

[Courtney]

I don't know that you look like.

[Renee]

You look like your age, but you.

[Courtney]

Look like your age, like, and that's okay. And I think to myself, okay, all this money, energy and effort, bro, you have put into not looking your age, you can't defeat the inevitable. You're going to age. And the thing about aging is there are probably some people who are his age who look younger than him and haven't even done a quarter of all the stuff that he's done. And the reason why I say this is especially when it comes to the it girl thing, so many people try to do so much to become something they will never be.

[Renee]

Right?

[Courtney]

You have to become who you were made to be. And you should embrace, like you said, the season that you're actually in. Because I'm sure, Mr. Man, I don't know if you're doing this for the sake of science so you can be a contributor to the Canada body of work. However, if you had taken a lot of the money you spent on all of this stuff to do other things, your legacy wouldn't be that you're on the Internet fighting age and still looking old. Your legacy would be, I helped to find a cure to. I helped. And it's not today. Like I said, I don't know this man. I haven't read his entire repertoire of work. He might have done amazing things, but no, the reason why I'm saying this is we spend so much money on superficial cosmetic things which actually don't matter. No one cares that you look old. We've seen many old people with wrinkles before. We're not afraid. So what are you fighting and what are you running for? It reveals. And it's a word that you said earlier. It reveals an idol in your life. You've idolized youth so much and you're craving a past season which you'll never gain back. And also, who's to say that the best years of your life are culminated by you looking youthful? Now, like you said, most of your your life is consumed with you doing stuff to keep this appearance of youth.

[Renee]

But what.

[Courtney]

Of what use? What use is it to you right now? And also, is being old that bad? Like, it goes to show our culture's obsession with certain things which actually don't matter. Like, aging is a part of us. We will age and we will die. He is not Benjamin Button. Like, and someone has to tell him.

[Renee]

That they've been trying.

[Courtney]

Someone has to tell him it's okay. And I think. And it brings up another thing for me, which is for a lot of us, this whole buying into the it girl aesthetic is us really running away from a fear. We're running away from an insecurity. We're running away from something which tells us deep down, I'm not good enough. Like, the reason why I need to push myself to wake up at 5am Even if it just naturally doesn't work for me and I'm a night owl, is because I won't be seen as a virtuous woman if I'm not up at the crack of dawn. Who told you that? That is synonymous with virtue?

[Renee]

And who's even seeing you like.

[Courtney]

But that's the performative nature of it. Right. You will make sure people see. That's why this man is making a million YouTube videos. And there are so many YouTube videos where you've propped up your camera trying to fake.

[Renee]

Oh, guys, let's wake him up.

[Courtney]

So who put the camera there?

[Renee]

Do you know that's been my favorite content when people are, like, taking the.

[Courtney]

Pseudom so I can fake waking up again, you know, and these times it's actually 3p them. Like, we don't know the truth.

[Renee]

We. You could listen. We don't know the truth.

[Courtney]

And so I think it's stuff like that where it's actually a lot of us are pursuing that girl from the aesthetic, trendy side of it.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Because we're insecure about something in our lives and we feel like we have something to prove and that fulfilling this trend will prove that actually we're not lazy or actually, I am worthy of a good relationship or whatever it is. And it's like. Like all this work for zilch, you.

[Renee]

Know, you actually get nothing out of it at the end.

[Courtney]

Nothing. You know? And I also think it defers happiness to a future point. Like, you know, I'll be happy when I'll be happy when. When actually you can be happy in. Like you said, you don't have to be perfect before you get a good relationship. We need to. We need to be careful that we don't think you have to fully heal. You have to fully be perfect before you can enter into a good, healthy relationship. You can heal in the healthy relationship. You can do the hard work in the relationship. You don't need to defer your joy and your happiness to a future point of perfection which may never come before you can start partaking in joyful things and happy things. It's okay to be learning on the way. On the way and through, through things. And so yeah, that's why the whole like it girl, constant self improvement cycle can be so dangerous because it's quite obsess is. It's quite obsessive, it's quite addictive is what I'm trying to say.

[Renee]

Very specific too.

[Courtney]

And we need to be very, very careful. And I think another angle of what people don't tell you about this whole being that girl and being an it girl is the hyper productivity part of it. Right. Where it's like, babe, like I said with these 3am water routines. Now, I don't know your lifestyle, you might be like, your work starts at 7am so it makes sense why you need to wake up at 3am to get everything done. That's completely fine. But what you're doing in the evening.

[Renee]

You better do it.

[Courtney]

Yeah, you better be asleep too, you know. So I think it's also asking ourselves, am I just doing too much? Is, are these trends encouraging me to do too much that I like more than I humanly actually need to do? What do you think about the hyper productivity element of it?

[Renee]

I think we need to stop squishing. We're almost squeezing our days like lemons. We are trying to get the juice out of every single waking hour. We are trying to make sure we're not wasting our time by making sure that every single moment is worth it, that we are doing the work, that we are doing something productive. All of our waking hours are not for productivity. No, they're not for productivity. And I think culture, society, social media, the constant on ness of everything makes people feel as though they should be doing something productive. No, it's actually okay to do nothing. We need to normalize again. Doing nothing. Our ancestors, when, listen, they were not hunting 24 7, they had to rest, gain their strength. And then there was a time to go and hunt. I think we need to bring that back. Maybe not the hunting because that was a little. It was a different time period. But we do need to bring back a semblance of there is a time for everything. Even says it in the word. There's a time for everything. And it's not everything that we do in an allocated time. Yeah, it's not everything that we have to do in every single hour. It's actually okay to block out some time to not do.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

And I think it comes with again the constant on ness. I think it comes with the pressure to keep up appearances of a perfect life. And it just so happens that our culture upholds hyper productivity and what you can produce as indicative of value. We are associating how much we can achieve, how much we can work, what we can, you know, make as indicative of how worthy we are. Which is why it is no surprise that there's so many people that are overworking. They need to prove their work. They need to demonstrate that they're doing something. They need to post that, you know, 9, 10, 11pm on Instagram to say they're still working, but they're going to wake up at 3am they feel a need to because that's where their worth comes from. It's the time the hyper productivity, hyper anything or the extremities of anything points to an idol in your life. Whatever you take to the extreme points to some kind of insecurity that you have. And so hyper productivity to me, points to the fact that you are insecure in your worth around work. Work has now become the idol Idol. Productivity has become the idol. You need to constantly produce as a means of, you know, securing your sense of identity. And for a lot of women, but also men, to be honest with you, our whole identity has become work. Our whole idea. Like, oh, my gosh, you will open up tick tock. Or not tick tock, because there's too many unserious people there, which is great. There are some serious. Maybe it's just my algorithm, but I open up Instagram, I see this person has done 10 million different things in one day. And I'm like, how is this even possible? And the danger in those kind of things is now you've seen someone and they become your yardstick. You see another person, you scroll. It's like, wow, like, do we all have the same 24 hours? And it makes me think of that time that I think it was Kim Kardashian that got caught out and she was like, you just need to be hardworking. We all have the same 24 hours. And it's like, no, babe, you actually have a whole bunch of things that I, I don't currently have, which makes it easier for you to do certain things in your 24 hours. And I think there's also an element of that. Many of us are being. We're being conditioned and tricked into hyper productivity not knowing that the forerunners of hyper productivity have certain privileges or things that they don't always disclose. Right? So a lot of folks that may be talking about, like, this is what I do in a day, but they don't disclose the fact that they have a whole team behind them that's helping them to produce something is quite deceptive. But as a consumer of that content, you would be thinking, wow, my day needs to look exactly like this, even though I don't have the resources to make that happen. Or we will see certain products or, you know, finished, just finished products of anybody's life and assume, wow, my life needs to look like this. Not realizing that in order for your life to look like that, you also need to have the things that they have to make it happen. And so we find ourselves in this tension or this really interesting juxtaposition of, of I'm aspiring to this life and yet I haven't acknowledged the fact that I don't got what they got. And yes, you can aspire to it, and yes, you can, you know, do significant work in order to acquire some of the resources that they do have, but you also have to recognize that you need to get to a certain point before that's even possible in the first place. Take for example, this podcast. Love this podcast. Amazing. When we first started, yo, we was doing it all by ourselves. But in terms of now where we're at, we have an incredible team that we also work with and it could be easy to look at our podcast and think, wow, I want to make sure I'm maximizing my time. I want to make sure that I'm producing this perfectly polished podcast just like they do. In my early days as an advertiser, running commercials on TV was guesswork. I knew TV was powerful, but it was impossible to see see which ads truly worked.

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[Renee]

Yeah, sure, you can do that. But also acknowledge the fact that this is not a product of hyper productivity. This is actually a product of us being sustainably systems focused. There's a difference. And you can trick yourself into thinking that you need to achieve something and produce something without the means to produce it. And I think that's where the problem comes. There's that mismatching of I actually don't have what they have to be able to produce what they're producing. And so with. Which is why it's so important for us to outline. Okay, cool. What are actually my goals? What is actually attainable within my life right now? What can I do without violating my own boundaries, without having to over produce? What can I do to produce something that's actually in line with my values? And what I believe that I'm called to do without burning myself out trying to keep up with the Joneses, not realizing that the Joneses have access to 10 million different things that I don't have. Yeah. And it's actually okay if you don't have it. You know, that it's fine. Listen, like, I know we often say, you know, cut your clothes according to your size, but like genuinely like there's levels to it and it's good to aspire. But don't burn yourself out and literally burn yourself trying to produce something at a particularly higher level. If you actually don't have access to the means to do it right now, it's actually okay. And so I think our relationship with hyper productivity is realizing there's a season for everything. There's a time for everything, but not everything needs to be fit into the same time.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

And then it's realizing that, okay, cool. There may be aspirations and things that you see that you want in your life, but we often don't get the full context of what people have to be able to produce what they have at that level. And if you don't have it at that level. Okay, cool. Let's make a sustainable plan to get to that kind of place as opposed to thinking that you can go from A to Z tomorrow. It's a journey, it's a process. And you don't have to burn yourself in the process to make it happen.

[Courtney]

Yeah, I love that.

[Renee]

So that's my thoughts on how the product is.

[Courtney]

I really love that. I really love that. And I think what you said in the beginning about rest, rest in itself is productive. Like regeneration happens in rest. Reproduction happens in rest. Like we allow ourselves to replenish when we rest. And so the key to sustainable productivity, not hyper performance, but sustainable performance, productivity and showing up how you want to is rest. If you do not rest, you're gonna have a problem. Like you said, you're gonna burn out. That candle is gonna sizzle all the way to the bottom and you have no gas, no wax, nothing to keep it going. And you're gonna wish you had taken time to refuel. So I Think it's important to see rest in itself as productive by having a good understanding of what it means to be have productive rest. Right. Like not all rest is just lounging about doing nothing. Even though sometimes that's the best kind of rest. That's not always resting. Sometimes you need to rest in community. Community you need to rest in the Lord. Sometimes resting does look like working, but it's restful work is okay, I'm gonna go for a walk, I'm gonna read a book. And I think it's seeing our lives as worthy of slowing down enough to be able to do these things which replenish us. Like replenishment is so important. I think sometimes we don't have an emphasis enough on it. We have an emphasis on productivity reward. But what about replenishment? What about the part of you that is replenished after you give, after you work, after there is that burst of output? What do you do to replenish the lost energy? I don't think enough of us structure our lives around key moments of replenishment. Especially when you think about your week, right? The weekend sometimes is not enough to replenish you. Especially because that's when we're catching up with people. That's when we have to do the cleaning, the laundry, the this or that. Like if you've got kids child, your weekend is not your own. Your at other kids parties, just taking your kid around on a tour like it's a lot of work. When do you take time to replenish? Because it will be only a matter of time before the gas in the engine runs out. So I really love that and I love another thing you emphasize as well. And I think it's key, especially as we're talking about embracing our seasons this year. Every season requires a new level of or a different level of productivity. There are some seasons which are purely not 90% rest. I'm just resting and regaining my strength. Especially if you're coming out of a busy season or you're about to go into a busy season. And then there are some seasons where it's like, no, this is my window of opportunity to really things are aligning. I need to work on my career. I need to send in those proposals. I need to grind and get that sponsorships. I need to show up and show out. I need to work on this project at work because the deadline is impending. You know, it's all of these things, things that say this is the season to work. And sometimes you do kick into hyper productivity mode and we're not saying that that's a bad thing. I'm not saying that's a bad thing. It's not bad to work and work a lot. It's not bad to have a high output. What is bad is an unending season of output or deceiving yourself into thinking a lifestyle of consistent hyper output is possible. It's not. It's not. And I love that you brought up sustainability, because that's the last place I wanted to pivot this conversation. When we think about grace and sustainability, sometimes in becoming that girl, we don't share it enough. I do see some balanced conversations, like, you're going to need to give yourself grace. You're going to need to be patient. But I don't think it's emphasized enough. But I would love for us to talk about what people don't tell you about giving yourself grace, because I think it's very easy to say, give yourself grace, be patient. Rome wasn't built in a day. And you need to build sustainably. But like, like, sometimes building sustainably is frustrating, sometimes needing grace is hard, right? So how do we deal with the reality of, oh, I need grace, I need to start building sustainably and feeling like that's slowing you down?

[Renee]

That's a really good question. Dealing with needing grace, I think recognizing that it is hard for you first and foremost, and that resonates with me a lot because I'm someone that struggled with needing grace, especially when you've become used to a certain output and a certain pacing. So it does feel like in the moments that you do need grace, it's like, oh, the pace has changed here. I have to slow down, but I'm doing so well. The output, all of that kind of stuff is recognizing that oftentimes, if you've noticed that you need grace, it means that if you keep on going and you continue, you're going to crash. So the conviction of needing grace is actually an indicator that it's actually time to slow down before something goes wrong. And it's reframing that, right? It's not the, you know you're slowing down, but it's more. So this is a pit stop because you're about to burn out. This is a pit stop. I think of, like, in motorsport, they have pit stops where they change tires, where they do important internal as well as external work so that the car can keep moving. So reframing needing grace or needing pauses or needing rest is actually fundamental to your capacity to go, as opposed to something that slows you down is really, really important. And seeing it as an opportunity to actually refuel as well. I think sometimes it can be very difficult when you are used to being a go getter to recognize the signs in your body, your behavior, your spirit, that you actually need to be filled up again. Sometimes you can be running for so long and you've become so acclimatized to running at a particular, like, output or whatnot, you forget that, oh, right, I need to take, like something to help me to overcome the next leg, right? So I think reframing it as not just something that you need because, oh man, I'm gonna slow down. And like, it's actually an indicator that you're about to crash. And this is your opportunity to refuel. This is your opportunity to make sure everything is good with you before you start running again. And reckoning with the fact that you two are human, I think sometimes it's a tough pill to swallow, but there is a lot of pride that is wrapped up in the assumption that you can just keep going. There's a lot of pride, and it's hard to conceive of yourself as a prideful person. I think we have archetypes of, oh, that prideful, that haughty person. It's obvious to spot somebody that's prideful. But internal pride, that is something that's difficult to contend with because, man, sometimes it's only you that can spot it. And sometimes it's only it's between you and your maker. And you asking the Lord, look, shine a light on my pride. He'll be like, oh, that one right there. And so normalizing, going through that deep level of introspection and normalizing, having to sit with the darker parts of your personality or your character that whilst you have made the best of intentions, may not be the best of intentions as you once assumed.

[Courtney]

That's good.

[Renee]

I think we. We need people that recognize that they need grace and can sit with it, are humble people. And I think there is a humility issue in that. You haven't humbled yourself enough to think that you're somebody that needs grace and help. And you need help. You're a human and it's hard. Trust me, I've been there, still working on it. I'm like, of me, I don't need. Yes, you do. You need help. You need grace. You need these things to function well in order for you to get to the highest place of productivity oftentimes comes with you recognizing you at the lowest of the low. It makes me think of the people that, like, climb mountains for Example, when you're at the bottom and you see the top, you're like, wow, this is, this is really, really long. It's those people that eventually get to the top and they look down, they realize, wow, I really overcome. Or like, I've really been climbing really, really high. But it's only because they've actually experienced the lowest of the lower know that they can appreciate the highest of the high. And I would urge anybody that's like, oh, you know, I'm struggling with like needing grace and slowing down. I need you to look back, look back down. You've come really far. And you were saying in one of our other episodes, the importance of like celebrating yourself and celebrating each step, knowing that you've actually done well so far. You've done so, so well. And this, this opportunity for you to take a pit stop and, you know, fill up on your grace. It's also an opportunity for you to celebrate how far you've come. You've done really well. Like you've been scaling a mountain. Like, zoom out a little bit and stop focusing so much on going, going, going, that you've forgotten just how far you've come. And because you've come so far, in order for you to continue, you're gonna have to stop at this juncture here. So I think recognizing, yeah, I've come really, really far. Let me stop here so I can continue to go and continue to go and finish well. Well, like it's the same for marathon runners. Like, oftentimes a lot of marathon runners actually have to stop their overall pace because a lot of marathon runners, they're chasing, yeah, I want to get this pace, you know, I want to run x amount of 42km and this pace, whatever. Don't realize that there are some opportunities for them to stop so that they continue to run faster. And heaven knows that you might actually pick up the pace later on because you've stopped now. So rather than dragging your feet, dragging on, stop, take a pit stop, refuel, take what you need, take your water, take your gels, whatever, and then be better in order to do better later on. So I really do think there is a bit of reframing around how you see yourself. There's a bit of awkward unlearning that needs to be done. And I think a lot of self awareness and humbling, because it is a humbling thing to recognize that you need grace. It's a humbling thing. And I think in order for us to do well in this life and to live a sustainable life, we have to be humble. And we have to recognize where our pride has preceded us, even in things like productivity. In fact, I think productivity is one of the places that our pride can really, really, it will just be running unchecked and running amok. We have to check ourselves, like, am I what, like what am I working out of? Am I working out of someone that's, you know, been energized, I've rested, I've spent time, I'm abiding, Or am I working out of fear? Am I working from a place of. I don't think that I have the capacity to stop because if I stop, then my value is under threat. You know, really inspecting. Okay, where am I working from? And for those that are, you know, again, struggling with the concept of needing grace, I would ask you, where are you working from? Because it's only those who work from rest, those who work from a place of love, love that would be able to recognize that they need grace.

[Courtney]

That's good.

[Renee]

So yeah, that's what I would say, friend. But I would love to hear what you would think around.

[Courtney]

I think, you know, you hit the nail on the head. I think with hyper productivity it's very easy to forget that like you said, you have to question the motivation behind your work and why you're kicking yourself into this space. And I was talking about it earlier about insecurity and stuff like that. But I think, I think one thing that we neglect, especially about hyper performance is it can breed hypercriticism. You can become extremely self critical about yourself. Like you miss your alarm one day, oh my God, I'm not good enough. I can't do it. My goals this, my goals that. And it's this obsession with perfection. Like we can so idolize ourselves and think, how could I be capable of such a failure? Why not? And I was talking about this at an event actually where we were talking about respecting the boundaries of our humanity. And I was saying how a lot of us don't extend ourselves mercy, but God does. God extends you mercy. And what you're doing by being merciless or hypercritical towards yourself is telling God, I cannot be changed by the mercy you're showing me. I will change by my own determination. I don't need your grace to change. I can do it according to my own flesh. Yeah, that's not true. And that's why grace and mercy was extended to you in the first place. If God looks at you and knows, I know you're gonna fall. Yeah, and I've already made provision for the failure. And you're just like, how could I have failed? And you stay in that place. Get over it. You. You're a human. You have a flesh. You fail. It's all right. Don't let it take this huge knock to your. Your inner identity. Like, how could I be capable of such horrendous sin and bad things and breaking of these habits. Why not? Since when did you become the Savior, honey?

[Renee]

Oh, that part.

[Courtney]

You need one.

[Renee]

That part.

[Courtney]

And that's okay. Like, it's okay to be in that posture of, oh, thank God you saved me. Thank God you forgive. Thank you, Jesus, that you said mercy and you said grace because God knows I need it.

[Renee]

Oh, boy.

[Courtney]

I don't have the strength. And I always call on that scripture that Paul writes around. His strength is made perfect in my weakness. So I boast in my weaknesses. It's okay, as a girl who's on the journeys, being that girl, to also say, I don't get everything right. I don't do this perfectly every day. I struggle a lot of the time, or maybe I don't, but. But I'm a human too, you know? And it's also important for us as viewers and purveyors of these things, to not idolize people just because they're getting it right. Because they never told you they're perfect. They never told you to make them the standard either. And it can be really, really crushing when you look up to somebody and then you realize, oh, maybe they're not as perfect as I thought. Or maybe, like you said, the whole context surrounding their life is very different to mine, so I can never be them anymore anyway. You know, it's. It's really, really painful. And so I think we need to be careful of catching those idols in our hearts and also thinking that failure is beneath us. Right? And it's not to humble women and be like, oh, you can never become this perfect version of yourself. But I think even that shows an idol of our culture. Like I said, this idol of perfection, this idol of superhumanness. You will never be a deity. I'm sorry. Like, I'm actually so sorry. You will never be a deity. As much as God lives inside of you, you are limited by this thing called flesh.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Do you get what I mean? The whole reason why they could kill Jesus, despite the fact he was God, was because he was wrapped in this human limitation. It talks about how Jesus had to humble himself. As you were talking about humility, he had to humble himself to take on flesh, which means as long as we're in this flesh. There is a humility we're going to have to accept, which is we are limited being. If I throw myself off a building now, if it's not for God's intervention, my limitation will be revealed.

[Renee]

Oh, boy. Real quick.

[Courtney]

It will be revealed. And a lot of us fight our humanity because we hate it. But there's something divine about your humanity, which is that it is reliant on a divine God who is superhuman, right? And so when we find our strength in him, that's when you know that cliche, the super meets the human. But you have to be a human. You have to recognize your humanity for supernatural, super human things to step into your life, right? Nobody calls a superhero a superhero unless they were once just a person and then suddenly they encountered a spider bite or they inspired and encountered some kind of elixir that has now made them different to everybody else. But there is that marker of differentiation or that demarcation of, you are once something, now you're something else. You have to embrace the humble part of your story, and some of us are in it now. As much as you're pursuing personal growth. Maybe this is your season of damn. I want to be that girl so bad, but I'm struggling with this whole waking up early. I really don't like it. Or like, I really want to be a gym girly, but I don't like going to the gym. I don't, you know, and embracing that part of you and saying, okay, so then what does me being an It Girl look like to me? Because it doesn't look like me violating my humanity. It doesn't look like me violating my boundaries. It doesn't look like me trying to be someone I am not. And it also doesn't look like me trying to be superhuman, because that's not what I'm called to be. I'm actually called to be a dependent human being on a supernatural God.

[Renee]

Come on now.

[Courtney]

And that's where my specialness comes from, right? And so I think in your it Go aesthetic, integrate in their dependency on the Lord, because that's really the It Girl superpower to me. Like, ciao. The thing that just sets me apart is Jesus.

[Renee]

Oh, gosh. I will always testify the way you did that.

[Courtney]

When I am God, when I am in right standing with Jesus and I feel it, I shine, baby, shine Jesus. No, the reason and the reason why I say that, though, is because genuinely, I know for myself that in times where I feel like I'm a great speaker, there are some times I sit on a pan, I'm like, God, I have nothing to say. I have nothing to give people. There's nothing eloquent that can come from my mouth. And it's me having this relationship with a God who always has something to.

[Renee]

Say, always goes on to say and.

[Courtney]

Being like, hey, speak. You know, God, like, speak to your people through me. And then I'll say something. I'm like, God, that was even for me. Me catch it.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

You know, like, that's crazy that to be. And then people come up to you like, oh, my God, I want to be just like you don't. The only thing I can tell you to be is a person who desires to be with Jesus.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

That's all I can say. It's like earlier, Vanessa was asking, like, how do you guys speak like that? Where's the wizard of, like, all you can ask for is the Holy Spirit or, you don't need to think like me. You don't need to act. Act like me. You don't need my routine. You don't need my reading list. You need the Holy Ghost. You need the thing that helps me to be this great thing that you see. Because what you see, what you're seeing isn't me. What you're seeing is glory. And if you desire to have glory, go to the glory, Glorious one, not me. Like, I can give you all of that stuff, but then you'll be trying to drink all these elixirs, trying not to age, looking crazy. That's what I'm going to say about.

[Renee]

Leave that.

[Courtney]

No. Because I think it's such a perfect example. Like I said, no offense to that man. I hope you have a great time with your family and stuff. But, like drinking all them green, realistically, is it working for you? No. Is it something that could be prescribed to others without results? Probably not. And that's how sometimes we deal with our favorite influences. Like this person is doing xyz. You don't know whether they're actually producing good fruit in their life. Life. So why are you replicating this?

[Renee]

It just so happens that in that case, we've seen the fruit that's being.

[Courtney]

Produced and clock it.

[Renee]

You don't want it.

[Courtney]

So, yeah, that's what I would say. I would just say drop the hypercriticism and embrace the grace that's been extended to you. That's if you are a person of faith anyway.

[Renee]

And if you are, you should be.

[Courtney]

I highly recommend. I think it's been. As somebody who is overcoming perfectionism or has overcome Perfectionism by God's grace and love, like just has had that inner critic and that voice be so loud. I definitely think embracing God's voice towards me has allowed me to embrace. Oh, okay. I don't have to constantly act. So I'm going to say something wild but like I'm not a slave. Like I actually don't have to be working all the time. I can rest. I can actually rest and I can trust that God will do things, things for me. And I can trust and I always use this and not analogy, but this reality. When you go to sleep, you don't know what's happening in the world around you, but somehow you trust that you'll wake up and nothing would have gone haywire, you know, and that's how we should do our lives. Like God. As I'm resting, even as there's this temptation to work and be hyper productive, I'm trusting that you're working on my behalf. That's how I approach my life. And things work out.

[Renee]

They do.

[Courtney]

Things work out, out. So yeah, that's what I'd have to say. I think there's so much more to this truth behind the it girl aesthetic from the spiritual point of view to also the commercial point of view and the actual commercial and corporate and capitalist mechanisms and machines that are working behind pumping out these trends. So let us know what you think in the comments, share some thoughts, experiences and just put your 2 pence on this situation. It will be great to hear. Ladies, you can drop a comment on YouTube or something on Spotify or come over to our Instagram or anywhere on social media and let us know what you think. To my sisterhood, literally on every platform. And you can also follow us individually. You can follow my lovely friend over here, Ene Capuku and you can follow me, deboateng.

[Renee]

Also, if you want to get weekly glowing and growing tips, you should sign up to our mailing list over at ww.tomysisters.com so you never miss a beat every single week. Sisters, we adore you and we pray that you have an excellent week ahead. We will meet you back here at Sunday 8pm GMT, BST. One of the times we'll see you there. But until then, as always, keep glowing, growing.

[Courtney]

Race the rudders. Race the sails. Race the sails. Captain, an unidentified ship is approaching. Over. Roger. Wait, is that. Is that an enterprise sales solution?

[Renee]

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