The Wedding Trap: Why We Overspend on One Day & What It Really Costs Us

Summary

Podcast Summary: "The Wedding Trap: Why We Overspend on One Day & What It Really Costs Us"

Podcast Information:

• Title: To My Sisters
• Hosts: Courtney Daniella Boateng & Renée Kapuku
• Episode Title: The Wedding Trap: Why We Overspend on One Day & What It Really Costs Us
• Release Date: April 13, 2025

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Introduction

In this insightful episode of "To My Sisters", hosts Courtney Daniella Boateng and Renée Kapuku delve into the pervasive issue of overspending on weddings. Drawing from their personal experiences in planning their own marriages, they explore the societal pressures, industry influences, and emotional complexities that lead many women to spend exorbitantly on their special day. The conversation emphasizes the importance of prioritizing marriage over the wedding ceremony itself to ensure long-term relationship health.

The Industrialization of Weddings

Courtney and Renée begin by examining how weddings have transformed from intimate family gatherings into massive industry-driven events.

Courtney (04:49): "I think it's the industrialization of weddings... weddings are now something that we showcase and they serve as inspiration."

This shift has led to weddings becoming extravagant spectacles rather than simple celebrations of union, driven by an emphasis on trends and societal expectations rather than personal desires.

Social Media and Modern Influences

The hosts discuss the significant impact of social media and high-profile royal weddings on modern wedding expectations.

Renee (03:26): "We're already watching royal weddings on our TV and it's very easy to think, oh my gosh, we should have that."

Platforms like Instagram, TikTok, and wedding-focused websites have heightened the desire for perfection, leading to increased spending as couples strive to emulate what they see online.

Financial and Emotional Costs

Courtney and Renée highlight the detrimental financial and emotional effects of overspending on weddings. They share anecdotes about friends and acquaintances who have fallen into debt or experienced marital strain due to excessive wedding expenses.

Courtney (07:08): "We're seeing people, like, starting off their marriages in debt, at odds with people that they love."

The discussion underscores how prioritizing the wedding over the marriage can set a rocky foundation for the relationship, contributing to long-term stress and financial instability.

Handling Vendor Pressures

The episode sheds light on how wedding vendors exploit the heightened emotions and sentiments associated with wedding planning to inflate prices.

Renee (08:40): "People prey on that sentiment... when we do bridal shopping..."

Both hosts recount instances where vendors charge exorbitant prices for services like floral arrangements, makeup, and decor, pushing couples to spend beyond their means under the guise of creating a memorable day.

Navigating Family Expectations

A significant portion of the conversation focuses on the pressure exerted by family members to conform to traditional or culturally extravagant wedding standards.

Courtney (17:49): "There's this pressure and this desire to show off, like, we can."

They discuss strategies for balancing personal desires with familial expectations, emphasizing the importance of open communication and setting clear boundaries to protect one's financial and emotional well-being.

Setting Priorities and Boundaries

The hosts offer practical advice on how to establish priorities and boundaries during wedding planning to prevent overspending and ensure the day remains meaningful.

Courtney (21:02): "Remember that your wedding day is for you and your partner."

Renee (25:42): "Make sure you actually lean on your community as well."

They advocate for defining non-negotiables, sticking to a budget, and resisting the allure of unnecessary extravagances. By aligning wedding elements with what genuinely matters to the couple, unnecessary expenses can be avoided.

Investing in Relationships

Courtney and Renée stress the importance of investing in the marital relationship over the wedding day itself. They argue that the true foundation of a successful marriage lies in mutual understanding, financial planning, and emotional support.

Courtney (38:09): "We want to get home. So what costs are associated with that means that, hey, our first priority for our finances is the marriage and actually enjoying that first year in it not being financially rocky."

They encourage couples to focus on building a strong partnership through savings, joint financial planning, and prioritizing long-term goals over transient wedding day satisfaction.

Conclusion and Takeaways

In wrapping up the episode, Courtney and Renée provide heartfelt advice to brides-to-be:

Courtney (49:06): "Your wedding day is going to be beautiful... Remember to keep the future in mind. Marriage is a lifelong pursuit."

They urge listeners to:

1. Reflect on Personal Desires: Identify what truly matters for the wedding day versus what is influenced by external pressures.
2. Communicate Openly: Discuss preferences and financial boundaries with partners and families.
3. Set Clear Boundaries: Define non-negotiable elements and be prepared to enforce them to maintain the integrity of the wedding vision.
4. Invest in the Marriage: Allocate resources and emotional energy towards strengthening the marital relationship, ensuring a stable and happy future together.

Notable Quotes

• Courtney (07:08): "We're seeing people... starting off their marriages in debt, at odds with people that they love."
• Renee (21:02): "Remember that your wedding day is for you and your partner."
• Courtney (38:09): "Our first priority for our finances is the marriage and actually enjoying that first year in it not being financially rocky."
• Courtney (49:06): "Put your priorities in order. Be wise, be financially expedient... put your joy and your partner's joy at the center of this experience."

Final Thoughts

"The Wedding Trap" serves as a critical examination of the modern wedding landscape, highlighting the need for intentional planning and prioritization. Courtney and Renée advocate for a balanced approach that honors personal and familial values without succumbing to the industry's allure of excess. By focusing on the marriage rather than the day itself, couples can foster enduring relationships that thrive beyond the wedding season.

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This detailed summary captures the essence of the episode, providing valuable insights and actionable advice for listeners navigating the complexities of wedding planning. Whether you're engaged, aspiring to be, or simply interested in the dynamics of modern weddings, this episode offers a thoughtful exploration of balancing dreams with reality.

Transcript

[Courtney]

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[Renee]

And in today's episode, we are going to be talking about the wedding tr. Overspend on one day and what it really costs us.

[Courtney]

We are watching royal weddings on our tv and it's very easy to think, oh, my gosh, we should have that. And it's like, we. It's not your class.

[Renee]

Ah, wedding bouquets.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

When I was seeing the quotations, I was like, hm.

[Courtney]

When you look at your family or your individual financial predicament, you should be able to say, I actually can't afford that.

[Renee]

Weddings are covenants.

[Courtney]

So good.

[Renee]

We're actually here to witness to becoming one. That's our priority. Everything else is a cute extra.

[Courtney]

Yeah. But if you buy it, you can have more say. You could just see your opinion. Just rise.

[Renee]

Prioritize.

[Courtney]

Yeah. When it stands on the wallet, on the wall of cash.

[Renee]

So, sisters, ladies, please cut your cloth according to your size. It's actually okay.

[Courtney]

Hello and welcome to the To My Sisters podcast. I'm Courtney.

[Renee]

And I'm Renee. And we are your sisters and hosts of the To My Sisters podcast.

[Courtney]

We are all about promoting the wellness, growth and development of a community of sisters around the world.

[Renee]

And in today's episode, we are going to be talking about the wedding trap, why we overspend on one day and what it really costs us.

[Courtney]

That's good.

[Renee]

Oh, I'm excited for this conversation.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

Sisters, we are about to get into it.

[Courtney]

Yes.

[Renee]

As two folks that are currently on the journey towards marriage. Oh, my gosh, the marriages. Wait, we got. Oh, yes. I didn't get the memo. I didn't get the memo. You know when you're, like, telling your friend, as two babes that are getting married.

[Courtney]

Yes, ma'am.

[Renee]

Currently planning weddings.

[Courtney]

Yes, ma'am.

[Renee]

We have seen firsthand the experience that they say is often madness.

[Courtney]

Yep.

[Renee]

Robbery, robbery, crime, crime.

[Courtney]

Illegal pursuits.

[Renee]

When it comes to weddings, marriages, the wedding industry, all of that kind of good stuff. And I think this makes for a really pertinent conversation because the wedding day is often something that, for a lot of women, we're looking forward to. It's our dream day. We're super excited. We get to really see the fruit of months or even years of preparation, really. And it all culminates on this one big day. However, as we hurtle further and further into the modern world and further and further away from the lights, facts, as it were, it seems that things are getting more and more decadent and with that, more and more expensive.

[Courtney]

Yes.

[Renee]

And so I want to situate us real quick when we start this conversation with Courtney. How did we get here?

[Courtney]

How did we.

[Renee]

This social pressure to have the weddings that you see on bella n vs vs financial responsibility. How did we get here?

[Courtney]

Question. You know what it is? I think it's the industrialization of weddings. Like, and weddings becoming an industry. Like, weddings are no longer just about, like, you know, two families coming together to join these two people in holy matrimony. They're now a shebang. Like, an actual motive, emphasis on. It's a whole shindig. Like, people are coming to be entertained. People. And I think it's. You actually highlighted it. Like, weddings are now something that, like, we showcase and they serve as inspiration. Right. So it's no longer just about functionality, but they are about, like, really big and no longer just about celebration, but we actually share them as inspiration. So, like, pages like Bella, Nyjah, Ghana, weddings, like, all these things where you go to them to see inspo for your wedding or to see what people are doing. What are the latest wedding trends? Like, I'm still trying to figure out how, like, in Nigeria.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

I don't understand why, like, people literally have Transformers.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

At the wedding. Like, why is there a gorilla? Like an actual gorilla, Neon, mind you.

[Renee]

Neon gorilla.

[Courtney]

As a part of the wedding's jubilations.

[Renee]

Do you know how funny.

[Courtney]

Where's that in the Bible? Like, I think I recently went to one of my really, really close friends, Nika, and it was so beautiful, and it just reminded me of, like, she did it. A very simple one, but. And I'm sure there are some that are very, you know, extravagant and stuff, but I just saw, like, the pureness of the intimate moment between families coming together and joining together. And I just thought, like, this is exactly what a wedding kind of should be. And I get it, like, cut your cloth according to your size. And some people have big size, big cloth, you know, and make that work. But I also think it's unfortunate that now it's resulted in a bit of competition.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

And a lot of social pressure around this wedding was like this, or weddings these days look like this. So now my wedding has to be like that. So suddenly, like, you're now inquiring of 75 vendors to make your day come to life. And it's like, at its fundamentals, this is a union of two people and their families. And as long as that is centered, and of course, there's a legal or religious, you know, ceremony done, that's a wedding.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

You know, that is a. That is a joining and the beginning of marriage. And I also think it's a symptom of us losing our prioritization of marriage and focusing so much on the wedding. Like, that wedding day is such a big, big day. But very few people are as invested in making the marriage that happens after that day work and as decadent and, as, you know, beautiful. And marriages require investment as well. And I think we're now seeing, unfortunately, as a result of all of these things, the industrialization, the social pressure, the competition, we're seeing people, like, starting off their marriages in debt, at odds with.

[Renee]

People that they love.

[Courtney]

You know, suddenly you're, you fall in that with all of your girlfriends. You know, you, you're, you're, you're not talking to your mandem anymore. Your family have annoyed you, you're financially stressed, like, all of these different things. And now you're starting off your marriage for a lot of people on the wrong footing. And it's not even just about, like, going into debt. I think for a lot of people who even have the money, say, in cash like that you could blow. I sometimes sit down and I question, but is this the right way to money? Like, you don't know what's going to come up in the future, don't know what type of money you're going to need for starting, yeah, a home, starting a family, being with your partner. Do you want to blow every last penny on a really good day that people are going to post on their Instagram story and after 24 hours, it's going to go.

[Renee]

They'll actually forget.

[Courtney]

Like, they will forget. And so sometimes I Do wonder, like, is it financially wise to actually spend so much on just one day and just a couple of hours at that? Like, it's very different if you've just got it like that. And spending 70 grand on a wedding is just a drop in the ocean for you. But even with that, is that the best use of those funds? Like that? That's. Yeah, that's where it doesn't sit well with me. I also think there is because there is so much sentiment attached to your wedding day. You're going to look back on these pictures forever, you're going to remember this day, hopefully for the rest of your life and you're going to tell your kids about it and all of this stuff. I think people prey and capitalize on that sentiment.

[Renee]

Yes.

[Courtney]

In order to extort people. Because you're in such a like giddy, giddy kind of phase where people are like, of course you'll spend £600 on a shoe. You're so susceptible. Like you're primed, you know? And even when we think about the wedding experience, like when we went like bridal shopping and it's like, do you want to drink? Who is this nice music? The space is just prime for you to spend money because this money is attached to your dreams.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Like, and it's attached to your ambitions and it's attached to this feeling you want to remember forever. Right. And so you do, I think, to some degree emotionally spend and spend out of pressure. And people, vendors, industries, like companies prey on that fact. They prey on that fact. Right. And I think it will be interesting to also dive into this discourse that's been happening around, like, why do people charge 3x more for wedding anything? Like as soon as you put wedding in front of anything, wedding makeup, wedding hair, wedding dress, wedding shoe, suddenly you're spending three times as much, three times as wedding decor. Like a. Oh, I want to say somebody gave me a quote for decor that said 5k. I said this is a, a small, intimate wedding.

[Renee]

It's a gathering, it's a function.

[Courtney]

This is a function. And you're telling me you want me to spend 5k for you to put something. Cuz I wasn't asking for crazy amounts and I'm not downplaying anyone's craft. But she said 5K. And I thought, but you're just coming to put flowers on the table. And I understand that that's something because I couldn't do it. Yeah, but 5,000 great British pounds, Lord have mercy.

[Renee]

You know what?

[Courtney]

We could, we could build a farm. We could have flowers for the rest of our lives.

[Renee]

You're actually so annoying. Build a farm is crazy work. Crazy work, Courtney. Do you know how funny that is?

[Courtney]

Yeah. Yeah. But what do you think?

[Renee]

Oh, girl, you already know. We're. If I could DIY everything. One thing about me is we are even. As you were saying, those flowers. Omar, just call me. We'll find those flowers from an online retailer, and we'll decorate if we need to. But, no, I completely agree. The industrialization of weddings and the neglect on marriage is insane. And this is. I'm not trying to, like, scare anyone, but the amount of stories that I've heard of people going into debt, taking out loans as well to pay for this wedding and ending up in either financial ruin, relational ruin. There are, you know, stories of people that have spent X amount on weddings and then divorced within the first three years of marriage. I'm like, goodness gracious. This is not to say that there's a direct correlation of you spending, like, tens of thousands of pounds on your wedding and your relationship thriving, but really, as you were saying, it's about priorities. What are you prioritizing in this time? Is it the wedding or is it the marriage? And the marriage is something that's meant to last forever or at least until you guys depart from the earth. Kick the bucket. As the English adage goes. Kick the bucket is such a funny term. I love the English. Sometimes their terms are hilarious. But this is something you're investing in a relationship that is set to be one of the most fundamental relationships that you have in life, like, by far. And sometimes our. As you were saying, sentiment, emotions completely eclipse the sobriety that's needed in this season.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

And as much as it's very nice to have, like, certain things, like whether it's the cake. So trust me, I love me a good cake. If there's one thing that I'm like, oh, maybe I'm gonna spend a little bit of money, honestly, it's the cake. But it's all about balance, and it really is about priority and also making sure that you are of one accord. Because oftentimes I have a lot of friends that work in, you know, the wedding industry. Oftentimes there's a lot of sentimentality that's attached to it by a lot of ladies.

[Courtney]

Yes.

[Renee]

But then when it comes to the mandem, yeah, they're like, they don't have this. They don't have the same sentiment. Like, literally. I was speaking to a friend earlier who. She works in events, and they provide a Lot of services, from stage setup to DJ equipment, all that kind of good stuff. And we were talking about the fact that oftentimes, like, even men feel under pressure to try and fulfill the desires and the dreams of their soon to be wifey. And they find themselves putting themselves in quite onerous predicaments to try and match up or try and, you know, make enough bank to support them or to try and put enough money aside to be able to make her dream come true. And that's already putting strain on your relationship. And it's creating a dynamic that will make your marriage hard, where you're creating an environment where your husband is effectively becoming a people pleaser. He just wants to please you. He just wants to. And you'll say, oh, there's nothing wrong with that. Oh, more. There is something wrong with that. There is something. Because if your partner can't say no and you can't honor that. Oh, baby, baby. And so I think it's really important to be of one accord when you are deciding what it is that you want to prioritize as well. Like, I actually spend a lot more rather than thinking about, you know, the Pinterest boards and Bella, Nigel. And I want this for my. I want this for my wedding. Remember that this is about you and somebody else. This is a union. Are you on the same accord when it comes to your wedding? Are you on the same accord when it comes to your finances pertaining to your wedding as well? What. What's the minimum, maximum spend? You know, like, that is so, so important moving forward and I think just not falling prey to, as you were saying, the industry quacks that are really out here trying to make bank over the fact that you're emotional, girl. The quotations have been insane. Honestly, Courtney. And you know what? You know when you're like, oh, you know what? Let me see if I can spend a little bit of extra money on this thing that you might not need. You'd be, oh, let me get a little bit of stationery. Ah. When I was hearing 2, 3K, I said, you know what? It doesn't even need to be physical. It can be digital. And canva, we have a subscription for that leaning. So I can. I can create that. You know what I'm saying? Even this book. Ah, wedding bouquets.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

When I was seeing the quotations, I was like, but if I go to the flower market.

[Courtney]

Yeah. To get.

[Renee]

And I purchase, a lot of people are doing that, and that's what I'll be doing.

[Courtney]

Yeah. A lot of people are doing.

[Renee]

That's what I will be doing. That diy, honestly, DIY has been a lifesaver. But it really is about, like, making sure you're of one accord.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

You are, your eyes are open as well as you're navigating the industry and you're not led by sentimentality, emotions, but also comparison. I think one thing that you really brought up, well, there's the fact that, you know, our eyes, we just allow them to wander and roam so much and we start to believe that our wedding needs to look like the weddings we see in the magazines, the weddings we see on social media. The decadence you type in wedding into tick tock. Oh my gosh, look at floral installations is crazy. I feel like I'm literally in a.

[Courtney]

Forest or a farm.

[Renee]

It's a lot. And now I'm thinking, oh my gosh, my wedding has to look like exactly like that. Not realizing as much as there is the performative element of the wedding and you want your guests to have a really great experience. The wedding is actually for you.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

And I hate the fact that there's so many people that I've spoken to that I've said, oh, actually I didn't enjoy the experience of wedding planning and I also didn't enjoy the wedding day because there was so much going on. I didn't actually even feel present and there was so much pressure to perform.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

And me, in terms of my fundamental beliefs, I don't think that weddings are performances. They're really not. Weddings are covenants. We're actually here to witness to becoming one. That's our priority. Everything else is a cute extra.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

Back in the day, listen, I was even typing into chat GPT what constitutes as a wedding.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

Like literally the bare minimum of what constitutes as a wedding.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

I know that in the Bible we had all of the extravagant feasts in some examples, but we've also had the examples of, you know what, I just want to marry your daughter and that's that.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

We had the presence of the families and that's that.

[Courtney]

I think that's interesting though, because those, like, exuberant feasts that you're talking about, oftentimes that was royal weddings, like a king through a feast or a king through a wedding. Like it was very much attached to royalty. And I think that's something that we have now, especially with the democratization of social media. We are seeing the lives of, of the aristocracy, we are seeing the lives of the upper class. We are watching royal weddings on our tv and it's very easy to think, oh my gosh, we should have that. Right. It's like, we. It's not your class. Right. And I. The reason why I say that though, is. And it's going to sound quite harsh, but I think especially like when you look at your family or your individual financial predicament, you should be able to say, I actually can't afford that. That, you know, and like, just be honest with yourself. Because I think sometimes it's a desire to live like the Joneses and to live like the upper class. Or we use sometimes weddings as a status symbol. Like, you know that my. Look at my child having this big, grand old wedding with 700 people. But you can't afford that, Auntie. Like, if we're just being honest with ourselves, but there's this pressure and this desire to show off, like, we can.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

And I think it's. It's also as a result of people being hella judgmental.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Like, I've heard a lot of judgment towards people's wedding. Why was the wedding like this? Why did they pick this material? Why was the food like that? Why did they do. Why did they have this. This would have been nicer. Why the chairs, this style, all of this different stuff. And it's like, did you even want to go and see two people just join together in matrimony? You were going there to spectate and critique.

[Renee]

I can say also, how have you supported exactly. Like you're just here to.

[Courtney]

Exactly. It's a community endeavor. And so I think it's that as well. It's realizing that, like, like that's good for them, but I don't necessarily need to give into that, especially if I don't actually want it.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

And I think that's another thing. I think there's this pressure to have your. Your wedding day be something, even if it's not really what you want. It just needs to be that. Right. And it's like, no, it doesn't. Just because your friend had fireworks, you don't need it. But if you want it. And that's another. That's a flip side of it though, because there are some people like, but I genuinely want that. Then you go after it and you get it. But my advice would be have your priorities in order. Like, if you're going to be hustling, doing night shifts, or like putting bare money towards fireworks and all these different things, just make sure that you can do it comfortably.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Like, do it comfortably and make sure that you wouldn't regret it.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Like I think regret is a really deep thing and like a lot of people feel it after weddings. The amount, the amount of regret. Like I regret how much we spent on the stationery. Or I like you, you can go on TikTok and find them videos too. I regret how much we spent on charger plates. I regret, like we could have done this like this and I would have felt more comfortable. And it's the same item that someone else is like, oh my God, I couldn't imagine my wedding without charger plates. I couldn't imagine my wedding without the fireworks because it means something to them. But for a lot of us, we're being pressured by society and like this phantom pressure to do things that actually don't mean anything to us but we now have to shell out money for. And I think that's what leads to the regret.

[Renee]

Yeah, no, that's such a beautiful point. And you've kind of started touching on this already. But the pressure. Yeah, right. You, you've just gotten engaged or you're in the throes of wedding planning. But the reality is there's a whole host of voices that are now occupying space in your brain, whether it be the well meaning family members, but unfortunately the manifestation is not as well meaning. Oh. In fact, it's madness. Well meaning family members which can be immediate or distant. Oftentimes distant. Which is quite an interesting.

[Courtney]

That's interesting.

[Renee]

That's an interesting dynamic in of itself. You have friends as well that are supportive but are also chipping in with their thoughts and opinions. You have social media as well when you're going online and looking for inspiration. You have the magazines, you have the cultural norms, you have various different social situations whereby when you state that you're married, it feels like you're opening a Pandora's box.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

So to the ladies that are listening, that are trying to grapple with that navigation, that are finding it really difficult to weigh up the different voices and try and pursue a wedding that they think is true to themselves. What would you say?

[Courtney]

That is such a great question. I think one like Mel's wardrobe was on her stories the other day just telling people. If people show you madness during your wedding planning process, show them your madder, show them that you yourself can manifest a level of madness they didn't anticipate. Like, and for me, during this whole process I've shown people, don't provoke me to anger. Don't provoke me. So provoke me to anger because I'll take your name off this list. I'll do it quickly. And the thing is, like, I have a reputation in my family for being the mad one. They know I will do it. I will do it. And, like, I think somebody was recently saying, like, oh, I need to develop more of that. I said, you better develop it quickly, immediately. You better start. Start creating your reputation now. Start creating. Start doing things just out of whack.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

So that people can know this one. Don't push a little towards the edge. She will jump off. And so I think for me, what I've. What I would say to a woman like that is one. Remember that your wedding day is for you and your partner.

[Renee]

Yes.

[Courtney]

Yes. The families do play a big part. However, unless they are bringing money to the table.

[Renee]

Oh, gosh.

[Courtney]

Unfortunately, they say it doesn't really matter.

[Renee]

It's just suggestions.

[Courtney]

Suggestions. Mere suggestions. Mere suggestions. And that's good. Exactly. Because if I don't take your advice, are you still going to come? If you tell me no, then I know where we stand. Do you really need to be there Anyway, then that's how I see it. And so I would say, remember that your wedding day is for you and your partner. And also people who want to have such an opinion should invest in it.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Like, if you want to have a real say, be a stakeholder.

[Renee]

Yeah, that's good. Are you pitching already?

[Courtney]

Yeah, be a stake. I. I say it all the time. I. If you wanna. For example, someone in my family who will not be named was very adamant that we wear a particular material. So adamant. I said, if you buy it, we can wear whatever that part under my guidance.

[Renee]

No, don't kill me.

[Courtney]

Yes. I will select from the options you present because it's my word I'll be wearing it.

[Renee]

Correct.

[Courtney]

So I have to like it.

[Renee]

Correct.

[Courtney]

But if you buy it, you can have more say. You can just see your opinion just rising.

[Renee]

Prioritize.

[Courtney]

Yeah. When it stands on the wallet, on the wall of cash, it can rise to the top of my priorities. No, but I feel like that's the case because weddings are so expensive. You're probably already stressed about the fact that you have to pay for this wedding, but then also everyone wants an opinion and it's like, well, then support me. You know, support me financially. And if your parents are maybe paying for the whole thing and still want to control everything, I would still say remind them, like, in all honesty, in awesome. Seriously, I really want to enjoy myself on this wedding. This is my day. I'm only gonna hopefully have once. And so I want us all to be happy. But I also really want to be included in that as well. And I find that most parents, unless they are just. Just unhinged, will understand that. They will understand that. And I think also in the case of you having unhinged family members who will. Who just don't care about all the above, make a note of all the things that really matter to you, like, I will not compromise on these things. These are my non negotiables. And stand your ground. And I think one of the biggest things with boundaries, because it's a boundary issue, one of the biggest things with boundaries are they're only effective as your consequences. Right. So you actually need to enforce the consequences if the boundaries are violated. And I think a lot of us, because weddings, they're not only just expensive, they can be very awkward and they can reveal a lot about family drama. They can reveal a lot about people. A lot of us are scared to really see that madness and then enforce the consequences. Like, okay, you can't come to my wedding. And it's like, now things are awkward.

[Renee]

And you made them that way.

[Courtney]

They made it awkward, not you. Do you get what I mean? And so I think for me, it's what are my non negotiables? And if they keep trying to cross on that, I'm just gonna have to put my foot down and be like, well, you're either gonna come to my wedding and just be unhappy or you can't come at all.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

But it's down to you.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Yeah. How about you?

[Renee]

No, I love that. I think just piggybacking off your last point. Oh, gosh. That sounded so British and corporate. But what you were saying around having your list of non negotiables, that is essential. You need a list of things that you are unwilling to budge on or else everybody is going to take those boundaries that you've set as suggestions.

[Courtney]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Renee]

Suggestions. Hey, sisters. We interrupt your regular scheduled programming for nothing other than a dilemma. I'm super excited to get into. It feels like I'm in a big brother confessional. I tell you.

[Courtney]

I don't know about you, but the number one thing I look forward to when I return from traveling is a good night's sleep in my own bed. That has never been more true than it is now that I have a sleep number smart bed. I get so sore after traveling on planes. But after literally one night in my sleep number smart bed, my body feels restored, rested, and relaxed. The fact that my bed actually listens to my body and adjusts to my needs to keep me sleeping soundly all the way through the night is worth it alone. Not to mention, my husband and I never need to argue over firmness because we can each dial in our own sleep number setting. Why choose a sleep number Smart bed so you can choose your ideal comfort on either side. And now for a limited time Sleep number Smart beds start at $849. Price is higher in Alaska and Hawaii. Exclusively at a sleep number store near you. See store or sleepnumber.com for details.

[Renee]

Everyone has a reason to change. Growing old, heartbreak, a fresh start. Whatever it may be, Peloton is here to get you through life's biggest moments with instruct doctors, a speaker language and workouts that move to your own rhythm. Peloton's tread and all Access membership help you set your targets, track your progress and get stronger, making your fitness goals a reality. Find your push, Find your power. Peloton visit1peloton.com Cool. So hey sisters first, I love your podcast. Your humor, intellect and faith based perspective are amazing. How kind of you sis. We love you. Thank you, thank you. Now my dilemma. I'm a 30 year old African woman, second generation, born and raised in Paris, now living in Germany with my amazing partner of five years. We love that for you girl. We plan to marry but my parents will expect a traditional African wedding which I feel disconnected from. We prefer a small intimate wedding, but I want to honor my parents wishes somehow. How can we compromise? Also, we plan to raise our future kids in Germany, balancing the three cultures. I've lost fluency in my ethnic language and I worry about passing on my African roots with limited chances to visit. Any advice? Thanks so much. Sending love from Germany. First of all, shout out to our German sister. We love you. And shout out to all of our German sisters. It's so so good. Well Parisian and German because you're in between the two. This dilemma resonates so strongly with me because sis, I feel like you are literally me. I am currently going through this with my parents and wedding planning and all of that kind of good stuff. So the first half of your dilemma in terms of managing expectations and trying to balance the intimate wedding and the prospect of an African wedding, the first thing that you need to take into account is communication. It sounds super, super basic. But I think sometimes when we allow ourselves to fill in the gap around some of these expectations that you think that your parents have, we can allow it to bloom way out of proportion and you want to be able to control the narrative, understand where your parents are coming from with this and how much they're really expecting from you. So depending on where you know your parents are currently at, what kind of thing they expect, it's actually important to hear your parents out. We love them, we love family, they're part of our community. And I would hope that you would still want them to be a part of this process. And in hearing them out, you'll get to understand. Okay, cool. Is it the big flamboyant African wedding that they want or is it that they're happy to compromise with a couple of cultural elements that are important to them? As much as it is very much your big day and I absolutely do not want you to lose that. I want you to retain everything that you and your partner want. Especially if it is a small intimate wedding. It is always really nice to see how you can still honour your parents. Especially as that's a desire that you outlined in the dilemma. Through incorporating some of those cultural elements or even having the bigger African wedding, depending on your threshold. Of course, usually it will be somewhere in the middle. But if you do find yourself on the extremity of, you know, your parents being like, girl, we need the big cultural wedding. For us to really see this wedding as valid or for you to really see, feel like your parents are happy with how the proceedings have been been going on, you might want to actually ask your parents to support or contribute. If it is that, for example, there are some financial limitations, or if it is that you don't necessarily feel disconnected, or if it is that you feel kind of disconnected from your culture, this is a perfect learning opportunity. This is an opportunity for you to spend more time with your parents, learn a bit more about your culture, learn a bit more about some of those cultural norms and then also allow them to pour into you and support you and your partner. So sis, breathe. Trust me, things will actually be okay. And it doesn't need to snowball into this massive worry or concern. It really is about communication. Trying to meet your parents in the middle and still having that intentional desire to honor them through some of these proceedings, whilst retaining the desires of you and your partner when it comes to having that small and intimate wedding. Now onto the second part of your dilemma. Retaining that sense of culture tradition, especially as a African second gen immigrant growing up in an EU country, definitely feel you heavy, heavy, heavy. One thing that I would remind you of is the fact that again, you have a whole bunch of people around you to support you. Depending on how much you want to learn more about your culture or feel a bit more connected to your Culture, use your parents as a resource and use the people that you have around you as a resource too. It's always very, very beautiful when we do have people that are basically acting as cultural traditional transporters, if you will, and use that as an opportunity to again strengthen the bond that you may have with your parents. Girl, the world is really changing. So even when it comes to an understanding of what your culture is like and what that will look like for your kids and your partner, it's. It's actually okay to really go for a nice blend of the cultures because chances are you are not going to be able to raise your kids in the exact culture that you grew up in and vice versa for your partner. So I would really encourage you to just embrace a blend of the different cultures that you and your partner still retain. Use the opportunity and the closeness that you have with your parents to really support you in learning a bit more about your culture and going on that journey and then also just embracing, creating an entirely new identity for your kids. It's a beautiful thing that we are heading into this whole modern world where we basically get to dictate what our culture, tradition, all of that kind of stuff looks like whilst maintaining some of those roots. So, sis, I'm sending you a lot of love because like I said, I'm literally in the same process as you right now. But trust me, things are all going to work out. Communication, using your family as a support system, seeing the opportunities, and embracing something new. One thing about weddings and any kind of major life event is it really does reveal where people's motivations and intentions lie. For better or for worse. Unfortunately, sometimes it's for worse, but most people, and I think especially when it comes to, like, family, friends, we can assume that most people are having your best of intentions in mind, although it's being expressed in a very interesting way. So, for example, family members who will not also be named may be thinking, ah, this dress looks really, really nice and you should wear that. And you're looking at this dress like no. It's a no for me dog.

[Courtney]

Ugly.

[Renee]

It might have been cute for you and your era, but for my era, yes or no for me dog. But it's not because the person hates you, it's because the person loves you. And they think, wow, I want to see, you know, you in distress. Exactly, you know, So I think it's also discerning, where are people coming from? What's their intention? Is it something that, you know, you can see the person is trying to undermine you or Is it coming from a place of genuine care just misconstrued, then that will dictate the way that you navigate that conversation. So that doesn't need to be a fight. That can be a. Oh, thank you so much for the suggestion. I think this looks great, but. Or even I don't really think it's my style because you don't have to lie and say that it's great because it might not be. And in this occasion, ah, this one was not great. But navigating those conversations with nuance and care as well, because often more time, people are actually coming from a place of good intentions towards you.

[Courtney]

Absolutely.

[Renee]

For those that are moving a little bit shady, this is your time to actually protect your peace. I think sometimes, especially with weddings being often quite grand affairs and that it brings together quite a lot of people. There is so much pressure to People, please. There is so much pressure to make sure that everybody is catered to you. Not realizing this is the one moment in. In your life that you get to be selfish. The one moment that people actually need to come through for you. The one moment where people actually need to demonstrate a level of selflessness towards you, especially because this is the start to your married life. Now, this is not to say that you can go ahead and be a bridezilla, but it does mean you are well within your right to express a certain level of expectation and actually expect for it to be met. It's actually perfectly okay. And as you were saying, you need to build that reputation above and beyond the wedding. These are some of the things that you should have been doing anyways in other situations. And I think that the wedding can often reveal, ah, this is an area that maybe I could have been working on before, but now is the opportunity to do it now. So making sure that you have those boundaries in place, making sure that you are capitalizing off of the fact that it's actually about you and your partner. And that's okay. And in terms of the social media comment, girl, have your one or two Pinterest boards and call it a day. You cannot be. No, because honestly, you cannot be rummaging through social media incessantly. You have to actually, you know, put a lid on it. And I think sometimes it's, as you were saying, the pressure to keep up with the Joneses, the pressure to create the image of a life that you don't have to impress people you don't know. Sounds ridiculous. And as much as it sounds ridiculous, we don't realize how much we've internalized that, right. It's the. I want to make sure that I get the perfect Instagram photo. I want to make sure that I get the perfect, you know, like, videographer. That's why the videographers in particular. No, no, no. That's why they be coming with the big boy, you know, is giving Steven Spielberg level productions for some of these weddings. That's why you're here stressing about, oh, the wedding choreography. I need to learn how to document dance. Even though you can't dance and you're not doing it because you want to, but because the pressure and social media has told you you need to have wedding choreography, you need to have videography. It needs to look like a movie. For who? If the answer is not you, I don't want to see it. Yeah, and you shouldn't want to see it. So really having boundaries, even when it comes to yourself, in accessing, like, social media, in allowing for, you know, external forces to infiltrate what you think is right for your wedding, and I think also touching base with your partner from time to time as well. Like, babe, am I going a bit too far? And if they're like, oh, you know what, it's a little bit. It's a bit much, then finding ways to compromise as well. So really enforcing those boundaries, not just with other people, but actually with yourself as well, is really important, for sure. But there is much to talk about when it comes to the wedding industry in general and the surprises that it throws out to us. But in terms of moving forward, to all the babes that are thinking about their weddings, to all the babes that are engaged or now have what it feel, what feels like a upward trajectory, or rather an upward struggle. What would you say to them around creating a wedding day and an experience that is in line with not just their budget.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

But also their beliefs. Their beliefs.

[Courtney]

That is hilarious. That is so funny. So from what I've learned from the very short three months of being in this, I think what I've discovered that maybe I didn't know before was weddings are a joining of two families. And for us who come from, you know, beautiful countries with really rich cultures, it is important to actually ask your parents, like, like, what matters to you? You know, by God's grace, they're alive or whoever is representing them in your life. What matters for us to do what. What customs do we basically have to fulfill?

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Right. In order to be married in the eyes of our culture. And sometimes your parents may be like, we don't really care about traditions. Just, you Know, if you're in the uk, go to the registry. If you're in the US go to the courthouse or whatever. But for a lot of us, especially like our sisters in the continent, our Asian sisters, like there are cultural things that surround your wed practices that your parents are thinking, I don't care that the law recognizes you. Until this man comes to my house and he gives me some cows or he gives me something, he brings some material, y'all ain't knocking boots.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

So I think it's that, it's. Ask your family, like, okay, what do we actually need to do in order to be considered married?

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

And then sit down with your partner and think, okay, what matters to us? What type of wedding do we want? Like what will actually help us to feel like we enjoyed this period we celebrated? Do we want a small wedding? Do we want a big wedding? Do we want all the different types of weddings that we can have? So like in our case it's like, do you want a registry? Traditional white wedding and white wedding, three different types of weddings. Or do we just want a registry? Or do we just want a trading, you know, a church wedding, whatever. Just ask yourselves what matters to us? Once you establish that, go into each of these events and think what in these events are our non negotiable? So like, like I really want to have a big white dress or I really want to have a custom made tuck. So I really, whatever it is, make that list, make that list and think how much am I willing to put towards this whole event?

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

And then maybe add a little bit on top.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Oh, and that's it, that's, that's what you. And then stick to it do, you know, I mean, try and stick to that and be willing to be flexible. I would also say ask yourselves what, what do we need in place to enjoy our first year of marriage?

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

That's one of the questions our mentors posed to us. And like the whole marriage prep before we got engaged. And it was like, you know what? I would feel really comfortable entering into our marriage with savings. Right? Like not having spent everything but actually having money in the bank that if anything happens, like I had people, I've had people around me that as soon as they got married, one of them lost their job. Job.

[Renee]

Wow.

[Courtney]

And it's like, if you didn't have money, how would you navigate that? So I was like, I really want us to have savings. I also, as someone who's self employed, I want a maternity pot if anything happens and I have to take Some time off work. I'm gonna need some money in the bank. So, like, knowing all these things means that we were able to put some money aside, which meant that we can't touch this money. We know we have access to this money, but if we need more money towards our wedding, we're gonna have to go and work for it. We can't touch this money because this money is for our marriage. Do you get what I mean? We want to get a home. So what costs are associated with that? All of these things means that, hey, our first priority for our finances is the marriage and actually enjoying that first year in it not being financially rocky.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

And then everything else can go to this one beautiful day that kicks that off. But I think it's about having your priorities in order. Do you get what I mean? So for us, it was a lot of, like, working backwards so that we could make sure that, like. Like, we were gonna have a good marriage. Like, a really good marriage. Because it's not about people enjoying your big day.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

It's about you enjoying the rest of your life. Right. And this person. And you need to agree on what that actually will require from the both of you. And so it is also investing in other things which are bigger than that. Like, what are you doing to prepare for your marriage? You're not just planning a wedding, you're preparing to be married.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

And so are you going to therapy? That costs money. Are you going to do some kind of, like, counseling course? Some of those cost money. Are you. What's. What's your. What's going into your honeymoon fund? What are you doing for your health and your well being? Some of these things. Supplements. Because the gym costs money, the massages cost money. So it's like, all these things. What are you doing to invest in you.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

And your marriage and your partner as well. While you're planning, you still got to date each other. You still want to enjoy each other's relationship. That costs money. Like all of these girls. Girl, you can't just put all your money towards one big day. Do you get what I mean? Like, because you'll get there and you'll be unhappy. That's what I'm trying to get at the root of. Like, you don't want to get to your wedding day and look back at this period and think, I was so unhappy because we didn't have any money to spend on us. And then also now we're stepping into our home. We can't even turn on the heat in all the lights or we don't even have a home for the both of us else. No shame in nobody's game. But I'm just saying get your priorities in order. In order. Get your priorities in order.

[Renee]

Yeah, no, that completely agree with literally everything that you said. Get your priorities in order. And I think one thing that I will add is make sure you actually do lean on your community as well. I think one thing that I've discovered during the process is it's okay to want things that are outside of maybe your budget, but if you do have community that do want to invest or want to support, give them full license to do that.

[Courtney]

Oh, no, my community is pay for things that Even in my budget.

[Renee]

That part. Yeah, that part. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Courtney]

I pay for it, but you pay for. Makes my life better.

[Renee]

I don't have enough time to talk about this in detail because when I tell you the savings that have been made, it's crazy.

[Courtney]

It's so just by asking and God. Like, guys, the last 200 episodes of podcast, listen to it because I think this whole wedding experience has reminded me how wonderful it is.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

To have commun. Community. How wonderful it is to have friends, how wonderful it is to have healed your relationship with your family before these big things happen. Because I think, like, as much as some people have shown actual, like, actual stupidity, most of it has been so wonderful.

[Renee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Courtney]

Most of it has actually been so wonderful. I'm like, wow, guys, thank God I like you, because if this was five years ago, one of us would have killed each other. So thank God for healing, growth and glowing and growing.

[Renee]

Oh, that glowing and growing.

[Courtney]

That glowing and growing. Because now it's actually fun. Like, I get on with all my siblings. Like, I'm actually talking to my siblings, and they're helping me with my wedding. Wow, this is beautiful. Like, friends that are like, I'll pay for this for you. Yeah, I'll pay for that for you. It's like, oh, the amount of stuff I'm getting for my wedding for free. I was like, wow, favor. That part is real and it's something. It's a capital that's built up over time.

[Renee]

Exactly.

[Courtney]

And so start investing in your relationship, not because you want to gain something, but because it's beautiful at moments like this when they pay off and they pay out.

[Renee]

Exactly. Point blank, period. Invest in your relationships, because they really do pay dividends.

[Courtney]

They do.

[Renee]

They do. I heavily relate on people coming through and even unexpected people coming through and just being like, yo, you know, now I want to support you in this, literally. And creating a wedding that suits you. You don't have to have a One big tip here, because folks be out here having their registry lists of things to get them. It's like, oh, yeah, just get us anything. No, no, no, no. Because when four people get you a kettle. Four people get you a kettle. And they're different colors.

[Courtney]

We have technology for stuff like this, guys. Make your wish list. I said that.

[Renee]

But there's no experience you can do on your honeymoon because you're out of funds.

[Courtney]

But you have your four kettles. Exactly.

[Renee]

You have your four kettles. You can't pay anything.

[Courtney]

They don't take those.

[Renee]

They don't.

[Courtney]

They don't take those.

[Renee]

They don't take the kettles. The hot water that you boil in any of them. None of it be intentional. And you know what this also reminds me of? I always circle back to the conversation that we had those years ago when you were, like, charging people to come to the wedding. That's for another. That's literally.

[Courtney]

I said I was mad, but literally, guys, like, I've come to a compromise, which is just tell everyone you want a monetary gift.

[Renee]

This is it. This is it. Or sponsor something.

[Courtney]

The gap in that is some people will show up without gifting you, and then you just have to be looking at them like, wow, you came to eat for free.

[Renee]

No, Courtney is giving series at this point because that one.

[Courtney]

We're learning. We're learning. I mean, we're in it now. We're learning. So I guess we can talk and doctor. Document the process as it happens.

[Renee]

That one. Because you're looking at each individual person, at minimum, like, 50, 60 pounds per head. Yeah.

[Courtney]

Free. But you know what? It's our day in it.

[Renee]

Yeah, it's our day. It's our day. But, yeah, literally that lean on community where you can, because your community will actually come through for you. There have been people not even necessarily surprising me, and it's out of character for them, but the fact that the extent to which they've gone for, like me in this season has been genuinely heartwarming.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

Like genuinely heartwarming. And it's not even necessarily financial, even just mental and emotional support, like, actually having people to speak to and people to actually check in, like, during this process, like, hey, how are you doing? I know a lot of people have different experiences of, you know, friendships and all of that kind of stuff going and falling by the wayside during this process. But. But honestly, I have never felt closer to my friends.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

Like, the fact that there's so many people showing up for me and still being present and checking in has really shown me the power of investing in relationships and prior to these kind of big things. Not like just off, not just after, but prior, without the wedding on the horizon. These are still really good friends of mine, and seeing them come through for me is genuinely so heartwarming, but also so inspiring. I'm, like, raw, like, wow. I have good people around me, and so that's made the process even more enjoyable. So whether you are on the way to the altar or, you know, the man hasn't even appeared, now is as good a time as any to invest in your relationships.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

So, sisters, ladies, please cut your cloth according to your size. It's actually okay.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

But before we go, I know we are absolutely out of time, but quotes a cheeky little to my sister's letter for the girls, leaving them with a tidbit of information, maybe some inspiration.

[Courtney]

Oh, that's a good one. Okay. To my sisters, your wedding day is going to be beautiful. Whether you have the man already, whether you're dating, whether you're single, whatever, the day is going to be wonderful. Make it what you want it it to be, and don't give in to any pressure to do anything that you don't actually want to do. And also remember to keep the future in mind. Marriage is a lifelong pursuit. The wedding day is just one day. And so don't go and throw everything into investing in a day, the event of a lifetime, and not have the marriage that you actually want. And so put your priorities in order. Be wise, be financially expedient, as they say, but make sure that you have fun and that you put your joy and your partner's joy at the center of this experience.

[Renee]

Fabulous.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

What a gem.

[Courtney]

No worries. I got you. I got you. Well, onto wedding planning.

[Renee]

Onto wedding. That part. That part.

[Courtney]

Hey, sisters, we hope that you enjoyed this episode. Listen, there is so much we could get into. We are literally living this out in real time. We are feeling the money drain from our accounts as we speak. So hopefully we can retouch on this at some point and let you know how everything goes. We are really appreciative of all the love and the prayers and support that you guys have shown us since we got engaged, actually. So we really love the sisterhood that we're feeling from you guys. And to make sure that this episode isn't just about our experience, but about you, we want you to reflect, reflect on this question. What will actually matter to you on your Wedding day. We don't care what your relationship status is. If you are someone who wants to have a wedding day at some point in your life, or maybe it's coming up for you soon, we just want you to reflect on what you actually want. Your desires, your wants and your needs are really important and it's easy for them to get lost on days like, like this, when everyone has an opinion and it feels like you have to do what everyone else is doing. So really write down what matters to you. Is it the type of food you guys eat? Is it the clothes that you'll wear? Where you'll do it? Who will be around? What will be the unforgettable moment for you? And if you want to take this further, we want you to do this activity. Okay, Make a a vision list for your marriage. In this process, we can focus so much on just one day that we forget about the rest of our lives. Literally the forevermore that comes after that. I do. And so make a list. What is your vision for your marriage? What do you want you and your partner to experience in that first year? Because that first year girl, I've heard it's tumultuous. Okay, so make a vision list for that first one year of marriage and think about how you can allocate some financial and also emotional investment into making that vision come to life. It's easy to go through this whole marriage planning or wedding planning process and get so burnt out that you've forgotten to actually invest some of your money and your emotions and your development into making the marriage actually work. And so from now, think about how you can commit some of your finances as well as your emotional effort into making the marriage what you want it to be. Let us know how you get on with that exercise. And the best place to do that will be by joining the sisterhood because you'll be joined by so many other women who are doing the same exercise. And we can discuss it, we can get into the nitty nitty gritty of it. Because every Wednesday we do a live stream with the sisterhood, reflecting on everything we've been through that week. It's a space to decompress, support each other. Kiki. A little bit on a Wednesday, you know, hump day, we help each other get over the hump. And so if you want to be a part of that, you can join our exclusive community on our website to my sisters.com and join the the Sisterhood. But if you want to get some freebies for now, sign up to the to my sisters newsletter on our website as well. We'll send you a love note every week just to make sure you're getting on well. And why not follow us on all social media platforms at To My Sisterhood to keep up with what we're doing because we might end up being near you in one of your cities, helping you to get on with all of this stuff. Okay? And so check out our social media. Make sure that you're staying in the loop with everything TMS on every social media platform. We cannot wait to talk to you in our next episode, but until then, darling, keep glowing and growing.

I don't know about you, but the number one thing I look forward to when I return from traveling is a good night's sleep in my own bed. That has never been more true than it is now that I have a Sleep Number Smart bed. I get so sore after traveling on planes, but after literally one night in my Sleep Number Smart bed, my body feels restored, rested and relaxed. The fact that my bed actually listens to my body and adjusts to my needs to keep me sleeping soundly all the way through the night is worth it alone. Not to mention, my husband and I never need to argue over firmness because we can each dial in our own Sleep Number setting. Why choose a Sleep Number Smart bed? So you can choose your ideal comfort on either side. And now for a limited time, Sleep Number Smart beds start at $849. Price is higher in Alaska and Hawaii. Exclusively at a Sleep Number store near you. See store or sleepnumber.com for details.