"This Has Been The Hardest Transition of My Life": The Truth About Going From Single to Married

Summary

Podcast Summary: "This Has Been The Hardest Transition of My Life": The Truth About Going From Single to Married

To My Sisters | Courtney Daniella Boateng & Renée Kapuku
Date: September 1, 2025

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Overview

In this honest and dynamic episode, Courtney and Renée dive deep into the messy realities of life transitions, specifically focusing on their personal journeys from singlehood to marriage and all the changes that come with it. They share candid reflections on moving out from the "TMS house," navigating new living situations with their partners, and coping with the emotional, financial, and relational upheaval transitions bring. The episode centers sisterhood, vulnerability, and holistic wellness, offering guidance to listeners experiencing their own life changes. The hosts also tackle an intense listener dilemma involving trust, betrayal, and financial dependence in marriage.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Theme of Transitions (00:40—06:47)

• Both hosts reflect on 2025 being a year of “huge changes,” including moving out of their shared home and getting married or preparing for marriage.
• They discuss the universal experience of being "in transition," noting that "the girlies are going through [it]" (06:47) as everyone is always moving from one state or phase to another.
• “We’re literally living in a metaphor right now where we are literally in transition.” – Renée (01:44)
• Changing physical spaces mirrors life changes; leaving the apartment marks both logistical and emotional shifts.

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Listener Dilemma: Betrayal, Isolation, and Financial Independence (07:08—26:41)

Scenario (07:28–08:51)

• A listener writes in about discovering her husband has been cheating with his cousins (his biological relatives) and suggests a threesome with them. She describes feeling cut off from her own family, financially dependent, and unable to trust others.
• "I feel like I can never have a real sisterhood again.” – Listener (08:23)
• The hosts comment on the deeply layered nature of the situation: “This is not just an issue about sisterhood. This is an issue about your man. This is an issue about his family. And this is an issue about your marriage.” – Courtney (09:00)

Response & Advice (08:51–26:41)

• Validate Feelings: Both hosts emphasize how valid the listener's pain and betrayal are.
  • “Your disappointment is completely understandable. This didn’t align with maybe your imaginings or your dreams for what your future and your marriage would look like.” – Courtney (11:30)
• Prioritizing Boundaries and Self-Worth: Both hosts agree that sleeping with a cousin is flat-out wrong and advise the listener to assess boundaries with her husband.
  • “As a society, we have normalized so many different things that we need to remember that incest is bad.” – Courtney (10:14)
• Financial Independence: Practical suggestions to become less financially dependent: save any money from the husband, seek new qualifications, upskill, and plan for independence.
  • “You need vex money. If that man is giving you money every month, baby, you need to put that to the side.” – Renée (19:04)
• Rebuild Sisterhood Outside Marriage: Emphasize reconnecting with supportive friends or family, noting the importance of real sisterhood vs. enforced in-law relationships.
  • “The things that have carried you to that point need to also continue with you, to carry you forward. Some things do come with you even in the season shift.” – Courtney (13:56)
• Rejection of Bad Cultural Advice: The notion of leaving your own support system to be absorbed by a husband’s family is criticized.
  • “I think it was terrible advice for your family to tell you that because you are joining his family, his family should become your whole world. It should become your whole social group. Absolutely not.” – Courtney (12:32)
• Naming and Confronting Abuse: The isolation tactics described are called out as emotional abuse. The hosts encourage reaching out for help and reiterate that the shame belongs to the husband and cousins, not the listener.

Notable Quotes & Moments

• “I think this dilemma, apart from being categorically insane, is really heartbreaking.” – Courtney (08:51)
• "No, I genuinely think we need to actually have a campaign for shame... in recent times, I feel like people are just not ashamed of the things they do." – Renée (21:50)
• "I can't hide that. There's actually parts of myself that are... that require continued work." – Renée (43:30)
• “I hope you’ve told this man’s mum or dad or like, family elders or the aunties and uncles. Someone needs to know… so someone can get flogged because. Ew, that's such disgusting nonsense." – Courtney (23:51)
• Both hosts reiterate support and prayers for the listener, urging her not to blame herself and to "pack your load and go" when ready.

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Personal Experiences of Transition (26:41–44:41)

Merging Lives & Emotional Exposure

• Both hosts open up about the complexities of moving from single to married, including moving homes, merging finances, shifting schedules, and growing emotional responsibilities.
  • “Preparing for marriage is... one of the biggest things occupying my life right now and all the things that fall under that.” – Courtney (27:18)
• They discuss how transitions expose both strengths and weaknesses, comparing it to having the condition of your teeth revealed at the dentist — it's not always comfortable.
  • “Transition always comes with exposure in essence. And I feel like I've been being exposed in a way that is uncomfortable.” – Courtney (34:47)
• Renée: “If there's one thing that transition has exposed about me is that I'm sensitive. I am so sensitive... these are all defense mechanisms or coping mechanisms that I have created that I can't afford in transition.” (36:53)

Growth Through Transition, Not Just Arrival

• The hosts challenge the idea of "arriving" at a perfect self, emphasizing continual growth.
  • “The finish line is another start line. I’ve just finished this… realizing, oh, no, this isn't just one race. This is… a championship tournament.” – Renée (43:47)
• Both describe how being in new situations brings to light unresolved issues, like control or hyper-independence, that must be addressed not just for themselves, but for the health of their relationships.

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Embracing Challenges and Letting Go (44:41–56:55)

• Courtney reflects on the “grief” of letting go during transitions — sometimes losing old freedoms, habits, or relationships.
  • “You can't hold onto everything from your past season as you step into the new one.” – Courtney (44:27)
• Both discuss the increased responsibilities that come with blessings (jobs, relationships, adult life), and how participation in the mundane allows for the spectacular.
• There's a candid conversation about how changing circumstances affect friendship rhythms and the importance of grace toward oneself and others.
  • “You're not the only person transitioning. Other people are as well. And even with our friendship dynamic, I’m going through these transitions, but you’re also going through your own.” – Courtney (49:02)
• Renée vulnerably admits struggling with the “pace” of change and lingering control issues.
  • “I realize I still am dealing with a control problem. I still want to control how quickly things are happening in my life.” – Renée (53:46)
• The necessity of patience and resisting the urge for half-baked, rushed progress is underscored.
  • “I've really realized within transitions that you can't afford to have things half baked. They have to be fully cooked.” – Renée (56:55)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On transitions exposing your inner life:
  “Transition always comes with exposure in essence. And I feel like I've been being exposed in a way that is uncomfortable.” – Courtney (34:47)

• On marriage and ongoing growth:
  “There are certain parts of you that cannot be matured until you enter into certain situations and… relationships that shine a light on those areas.” – Courtney (28:47)

• On financial independence:
  “You need vex money. If that man is giving you money every month, baby, you need to put that to the side.” – Renée (19:04)

• On real vs. false sisterhood:
  “Sisterhood isn't just… ‘Oh, I leave this person's family, now I'm in part of this family.’ Sisterhood is something that's built. So it's no wonder that you are feeling, you know, disillusioned about sisterhood. Because, girl, that wasn't real sisterhood.” – Renée (22:22)

• On arrival myths:
  “I always was waiting for that ‘I've arrived.’ But the older and older I get, the more I'm like, the finish line is another start line.” – Renée (43:47)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:40 – Main theme introduction: transitions and change
• 07:08 – Listener dilemma: betrayal, incest, and financial dependence
• 13:56 – Advice: boundaries, independence, and sisterhood
• 26:41 – Transitioning from single to married: personal journeys
• 34:47 – Exposure and emotional vulnerability during change
• 44:41 – Grief, letting go, and new responsibilities
• 53:46 – Control, patience, and learning to let things unfold

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Tone and Language

Warm, empathetic, conversational, and honest. The hosts balance humor ("We are literally living in a metaphor...") with deep empathy and practical wisdom. There are frequent use of metaphors and cultural references, as well as candid admissions of their own flaws and ongoing learning, maintaining a tone of openness and solidarity.

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Summary for New Listeners

This episode delivers deeply personal and relatable reflections on navigating major life transitions, especially going from single to married, and the losses, growth, exposure, and adjustments involved. Courtney and Renée affirm the value of real sisterhood, practical independence, and facing the uncomfortable truths transitions can reveal. Their thoughtful, unfiltered responses—especially to the featured listener dilemma—offer actionable advice and much-needed encouragement to anyone experiencing upheaval or uncertainty. The episode is supportive, real, and a powerful reminder that growth often feels like “trial by fire”—but it leads to profound personal development and, with support, eventual joy.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

We got something to do. We might be in a new space, but it's the same old TMS 2025 has been a year of changes.

[C]

There's the good, the bad, and the ugly.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Started being in transition.

[B]

Some things do come with you, even in the season shift.

[C]

My husband asked if I'd be open to a threesome with one of his cousins.

[B]

Baby, pack your load and go.

[C]

If that man is giving you money every month, baby, you need to put that to the side.

[B]

This did not start when you got married in August. They've been knocking and they've been knacking and been knacking.

[C]

I can't hide that. There's actually parts of myself that are. That require continued work.

[B]

This transition feels like trial by fire.

[C]

I realize I still am dealing with a control problem.

[B]

I feel like I've been being exposed. If you tell somebody that I left my husband because he was sleeping with his cousins. Hello and welcome to the 2 My Sisters podcast. I'm Courtney.

[C]

And I'm Renee. And we are your online sisters and hosts of the two Messages podcast.

[B]

We are all about promoting the wellness, growth and development of a community of sisters around the world.

[C]

And in today's podcast episode, we're going to be talking about seasons of transition. How do you navigate it when things are changing, moving fast, slow, everything in between? Because that's where we're currently at now, in the in between. And I think it's quite funny that we are having this conversation because I'm sure the girls will probably have noticed we're actually in a slightly different setup. We are in transition. So cue the metaphor. Like, we're literally living in a metaphor right now where we are literally in transition. So, sisters, you might notice at least those of you that actually care to check out our YouTube because I know some of you just listen to our doset faces. We are in a slightly different space. Courtney, what it do.

[B]

We're in a different location. So if you don't know. We used to record at home. We used to record in our apartment where we lived together. And then Renee decided to get married. Jk, so did you. So am I literally getting married? We both are married, slash getting married. So this has been a year of a lot of change and changes for us, which then obviously meant we're no longer living together. Gotta go and live with our husband.

[C]

And we stretched it for as long as we can.

[B]

We did actually stretch it for as long as we can. So as of last month, our. The TMS house, our apartment is gone. Is gone. And that was our filming setup. We literally would record in our living room. And a lot of people found that shocking. A lot of people didn't realize we actually record at home in our sitting room. And obviously with no more at home, no more sitting room. So we're in a studio at the moment. Shout out to Finchley Studios. But hopefully we're going to figure out a certain rig or setup that allows us to kind of create a custom TMS space. So watch this space because, yeah, very fun things are happening. But yeah, that's the transition that we're currently in. I'm in the process of moving in with my partner.

[C]

Crazy work.

[B]

Which will be officially done after our little wedding, which is imminently approaching.

[C]

We won't say weddings. Somebody off in a pull up. That's a wedding guest. Hey, I'm a sister.

[B]

But also, you moved in with your husband as well. Yep. So it's been a lot of change. A lot of change. 2025 has been a year of changes. Big changes. So this conversation is necessary. And the conversation is also inspired by the TMS dinner party that we just did. We hosted a dinner party in London, August 23. I'm sure you're thinking I didn't hear about this on the podcast. No, you did not. No, you did not. And it goes to show you're not plugged into the mailing list. The mailing list is actually where it all goes down. It all go in the mailing list. Especially in this year of busyness. We've been pre recording a lot of episodes, which is probably why you haven't been hearing about live updates at the time. And you probably feel like I'm not in the loop in the girls lives. We completely understand. But we're catching up with y'. All. We're here and this is very much a live episode. This episode is going out Sunday the 20th. Saturday was the 20. 30th August.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah, 31st of August. Yeah. And we're currently recording on the 26th. Yeah, this is very as live as it gets. Five days right now. But we hosted a live dinner and because of all the pre recorded episodes, you didn't hear about it on the podcast, but it's still nearly sold out.

[C]

Crazy.

[B]

Via the mailing list. So if you're not plugged into the mailing list, you can sign up on our website to my sisters.com, which is where you get to hear of literally everything that we are doing in real time. Yeah. Live updates, Quick, straight to your inbox. And we hosted a dinner and this was our live podcast topic where we sat down with about 50, 60 ladies at the broadcaster in White City over a gorgeous, gorgeous meal. And we just talked about all the transitions we are going through in our lives and how it's affecting our friendships, but also just our hopes, our personal development. And alas, that brings us here, the.

[C]

Point of contention, or not even contention.

[B]

Sh.

[C]

There's the good, the bad and the ugly side of being in transition. And yeah, we thought that would be a very pertinent topic because one thing that we noticed at the dinner is that all of the girls are in transition.

[B]

Yeah, that's it. We're all going, going through, going to, going up, going from doing something, trying to stay still. Literally, literally in transition.

[C]

To do something, go somewhere. We're all trying to be something. And especially at this juncture where we're almost transitioning from summer into autumn. Autumn for a lot of us, some of y', all, you're enjoying your so all around sunshine, wherever it is that you live. Some of us, we're saying goodbye.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

To things that were happening in the uk.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

But living a life in transition. Because for a lot of us, we are going to be going from. To a place.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Literally for the majority of our lives. We're always traveling, always doing something. And so I think this is such a pertinent topic to be talking about.

[B]

Because the girlies are going through 100, 100%. So before we dive into that, we got something to do. We might be in a new space, but it's the same old tms.

[C]

We have got a ding, ding, ding dilemma. And let me tell you something, guys.

[B]

Listen, this is an SOS call for all of us. Let's all just get ready to type a response of some kind.

[C]

No, no, genuinely, guys, this is actually a back, like the back call. Like we actually need help with this one because I was literally saying to Courtney right before this episode, I. I don't know If I have much time. I don't know if I have much to give to this. This was so shocking. But we'll get into it.

[B]

Let's go.

[C]

Hey, sisters. I started listening to your podcast a year ago and I absolutely love you guys.

[B]

Thank you.

[C]

My dilemma is wild.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Last August, I got married. Traditionally, bride price paid, family celebrations and all.

[B]

Love it.

[C]

I was advised by elders not to have my own friends and sisters over too often.

[B]

Bad advice.

[C]

But instead, to keep his family close in our culture, I've joined his. Left mine. So his cousins became like sisters to me. In January this year, my husband asked if I'd be open to a threesome with one of his cousins. God, I'm too concerned. Two specific ones he mentioned. I was shocked. Something felt off. So I checked his chats and found out he's been sleeping with one of them in my house.

[B]

Ah, yeah. Whilst I'm at work. Yeah. A biological relative.

[C]

Wow. I feel like I can never have a real sisterhood again. In the past, I've had friends try to steal my partners and now even family has done the same. I'm financially dependent on him and have no qualifications and I work at a call center that doesn't pay much. I feel trapped. I don't know how to detach, find my feet, or ever trust anyone again. Am I crazy for feeling this way? What advice would you give me as I try to heal and find a way out of this dark place?

[B]

Wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. So I think this dilemma, apart from being categorically insane, is really heartbreaking, dude. Because I can only imagine being in your shoes, sis, how much you feel betrayed, shocked, alone, stranded. And that's extremely painful. Now, the first thing that I would say is I understand where you're coming from, from your perspective and your feelings are completely valid. But I think the issue, first of all, is multi layered. This is not just an issue about sisterhood. This is an issue about your man. This is an issue about his family. And this is an issue about your marriage. Right. So I think it's about taking a couple steps back right now and thinking, okay, how do I feel about my husband's infidelity and also about his moral compass being that he can also be unfaithful with a family member, somebod who I, for all intents and purposes, have befriended and is around us? Number two, how do I feel about the fact that my husband has brought up that he wants to have a threesome and that he wants to have a threesome with a relative? And I think we need to put heavy emphasis on this because as a society, we have normalized so many different things that we need to remember that incest is bad.

[C]

You like too much porn.

[B]

Incest is terrible. So that's one thing. How do you actually feel about this? And the reason why you need to ask yourself these questions is it determines your boundaries, and then that determines your line of action. As much as we can tell you that's disgusting. It's disgusting to us. I'm sure it's also disgusting to the masses. But if it's not disgusting to you, then it's a completely different conversation, completely different decision that you're going to make moving forward. But let's be assuming that you find this vile like us. In that case, your disappointment is completely understandable. This didn't align with maybe your imaginings or your dreams for what your future and your marriage would look like. And that's completely understandable. And so now your question is, are you happy to stay with this man? I'm not an advocate for marriages just ending like that, but I do think there are valid things that constitute why a marriage should break and gross one of them. I can't lie to you. Your man has ended your marriage already. But if you would want to leave this marriage, completely understandable. If you want to stay in this marriage, then you need to have a discussion with your husband about your moral boundaries, about your boundaries in general, your sexual boundaries, your physical boundaries, your emotional boundaries. You need to let him know. So this really starts with a conversation between you and and your partner as to whether you're going to continue in this marriage and what being in this marriage will look like going forward. Now, those obviously have ramifications. He may not want to stick by those standards. If I were you, I stand 10 toes down and then tell him, well, then you can't have me. That's how boundaries work. But then at the same time, it now requires you to have a look at your own life and realize whether that setup of having friends, being friends just with his family, and not really having close ties with maybe your girls or your family members was actually working for you. Because in this case, it doesn't seem like it was. I personally would take that as one of the biggest red flags. And as much as it was advice that you received from elders on your end, it was bad advice. I can honestly say from my vantage point, I think it was terrible advice for your family to tell you that because you are joining his family, his family should become your whole world. It should become your whole social group. Absolutely not. You are coming from a family and you will always be tied to your family. That's how family works. And so I know it's, you know, different cultures have their different perspectives, but I think it's important to have your family, to have your social group outside of your partner and their family. Because of stuff like this. If something goes wrong, who's going to be in your corner? Who's going to be there being like, he did you wrong or come and stay at my place or we can financially support you. And that brings me to my third point. After you've had this conversation with your partner and decided what this means for the future of your marriage, and after you've actually built up your own social circles again and you know, get back in touch and reconnect with your family, build your own friendship groups, because sisterhood is a beautiful thing and sisterhood is possible, but it's not a very pleasant experience when you put all your eggs in one basket. And that even goes for sisterhood. Just because you have, you know, these few friends who you're trying to become friends with doesn't mean the friendship is actually gonna work. And that means that if they let you down, of course you want to give up on friendship, of course you want to give up on sisterhood. But there are so many other people. And I'm sure before you got married, you had positive experience friendships, but you let those friendship goes because you got married. And these are things that we often see when people are experiencing transition, such as marriage. They give up on the things they have that have carried them to that point.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And they think they can just pick up new things. But the things that have carried you to that point need to also continue with you, to carry you forward. Some things do come with you even in the season shift.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So after you've done those three two things, have that conversation, build up your social circles and reconnect with your family, you need to start building your own life of independence. And I don't think this is about you being completely self sufficient and you don't need your husband. Whatever. If you decide you're going to continue with your marriage, that's completely fine. But you are currently in this position because you have no other options. You don't have like you mentioned. And sis, I'm not dragging you here. I'm just giving you the honest truth. You don't have enough legs to stand off to, to stand on to say that you will leave this marriage and that's a very, very tough place to be in. And no one wants to be stuck. And right now it feels like you're stuck. And that's pro probably why you're finding more anger towards women than you are towards your man. Crazy work, because he's the one that you're dependent on. So let's channel our anger towards that man and let's figure that part out. But I would say go and get the qualifications you need. Go and get a new job. It is never, ever, ever too late to upskill. It's never too late to go back to school. It's never too late to set new career ambitions. It is never, ever too late for anything. And so if you can find yourself being able to stand on your own two feet, it will help you feel less backed into a cor corner that you have to stay in this marriage. And that will help you with the feeling of pain, because you can deal with the pain by moving on. But right now, you don't have the capital, the social capital, the financial capital to move on. And so find yourself in a place where, if this were to ever happen again or some other form of disrespect were to ever manifest itself, you would be in a financial position to be able to remove yourself from this situation, which is not treating you well. And it's never too late to start on that. And you can even start on that, that while still being in your marriage, if you decide to continue, tell that man, I'm going back to school. You've had your own little fun and you've had your own little life. But as for me, I am going to pursue my future. I'm going to go and pursue my. My passions and make that a real goal of yours. And if he wants to leave you, if he wants to be doing stuff because and. And he wants to be doing things that you don't want to do. Baby, pack your load and go pack your load. Anger. Go and apologize to your sister and honestly, go and say hi to your family and say, hey, guys, I am back. Because what I just. And I don't think if you tell somebody that I left my husband because he was sleeping with his cousins, I don't think anyone is going to look at you and judge. Oh, no.

[C]

If anything, they'll be like, what took you so long?

[B]

100. So, baby, this shame is not on you. It is on him. But it's time for you to assess. You know what? Situations like this, as unfortunate as they are, they bring us to a point of reflection. Yes, And I think as you reflect, you realize maybe your life is not going in the direction you actually want it to, socially, financially. And that's great. It's an amazing opportunity to pivot. That's what I think. How about you, Courts?

[C]

You answered that so beautifully and so comprehensively.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

So rational and logical in your thinking.

[B]

No, because you know what? It's the man. I can sit here and say, that's insane and that's disgusting, but it's the man. And he's not going to hear this message.

[C]

No, he's not.

[B]

It's actually the man. It is filthy. Huh? And I know maybe people are thinking, oh, well, you know us a lot. You know, I'm assuming because she said bride price and all that, it's coming from an African background, you're probably thinking, oh, you know, maybe it's not an actual cousin. I don't give a damn. The people I grew up with calling cousin. Do you think I can tag them? You think we can do that whilst we're married? That is disgusting.

[C]

Whilst you're married.

[B]

That's disgusting.

[C]

Is marriage not sanctified?

[B]

Oh, my God. Even if he was single. Filthy rat. Ew.

[C]

Cousins. Oh, no, dude. When I read that dilemma, I was actually visibly shaken.

[B]

Do you know what it means to.

[C]

Sleep with your cousins and then to suggest. Because.

[B]

Bring them in for a threesome.

[C]

Because this is how I know that he lacks shame for you to feel comfortable enough to suggest to your wife that you want to have not two cousins at threesome.

[B]

Honestly, someone needs to talk to him. It might need to be the police.

[C]

And also, I'm even thinking about the timelines. Last August, you got married by January, we're talking about threesomes.

[B]

Like, that man knew what he wanted all. All along. From the beginning, he's given.

[C]

Is this an only friend?

[B]

From the beginning. And this is why when you enter into a relationship, people cannot be so confident that you won't leave. I'm so sorry. I will leave. I will leave. Even if it's an empty threat. I need you to know when you go to sleep. This babe could potentially not be here when I wake up.

[C]

No, no, no, no. And also, like, genuinely, sister, you need vex money. You actually need vex money. I know that you are financially depend, but this is why it's important to actually build that safety net. You need vex money. If that man is giving you money every month, baby, you need to put that to the side.

[B]

Tax that money, start saving money, start saving, start going to school, start doing some Late night class, whatever it might be. Like the amount of women that we see even statistically be in situations which are less than favorable, actually life threatening because they do not have financial means is in insane. And all of this is actually avoidable if we set our priorities straight. Even if it's like not the social norm for you and your culture, it's still really, really valuable. And I think a lot of us have seen women who have been in abusive situations, emotionally abusive, sexually abusive, whatever it might be, marriages, relationships, whatever, even as children to abusive parents. And because they don't have have money, they can't be independent and that keeps them constrained. And so sis, let this be a wake up call that you need to put some money aside for you.

[C]

Oh especially they're even traditionally married. Babe, if that man wakes up and decides I want to leave you, you have no legal entitlement to this man's cash.

[B]

Well, it depends where she is.

[C]

True.

[B]

Yeah, it depends.

[C]

If you're in the UK, I hope you're not in the UK, I hope you'RE not in the US I hope you're in a place where you're legally entitled to that man's money. That's what I'm saying. But honestly, I think you hit the nail on the head like this actually a vile and unfortunate mess. And I think it is abusive too in the isolation tactics that the whole community is part and parcel of is giving cults. It's not giving fabulous giving cults. I think that it is unfortunate that you have been made to feel this way. I think it's very, very. Oh, it's so disempowering to feel like you can't escape a situation. Like it makes me think of, you know, the Maya. Maya Angelou poem, the Caged Bird sings. It makes think of being a caged bird. And I don't want any woman to ever feel like that just because, you know, I've married this guy, I'm with this person. You must always feel comfortable enough to like leave a situation, especially when it becomes abusive. Like, and to this extent, girl, I don't care what tradition you come from, I don't care what culture you go that incest. This is why I genuinely think we need to actually have a campaign for shame. Like in recent. No, no, genuinely, in recent like times, I feel like people are just not ashamed of the things they do because for him to not even hide it, like genuinely, if I was out here cheating on my wife and with my cousin, that's not something I would have. I would never tell you.

[B]

Oh, my gosh.

[C]

I would never tell you. No, no, no, no. But for him to even present it and say, babe, I want to do stuff with you and somebody that I call my cousin, whether it's a blood relation or somebody that's within the community that I see as family, I'm sorry, this person is showing you who they are. And if it's not the police that you call, if it's not a therapist that you call, dude, and the fact that you've only got people within your community, within your immediate community, that are part and parcel of his community, girl.

[B]

No big, big problem.

[C]

No, no, no, no, no Big, big error. And sisterhood isn't just. It's not something as fickle as, oh, I leave this person's family. I now I'm in part of this family. Sisterhood is something that's built. So it's no wonder that you are feeling, you know, disillusioned about sisterhood. Because, girl, that wasn't real sisterhood.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You got married in August and now in January, this man is coming to tell you about this cousins. That is allegedly your sisters wanting to do a threesome, only to find out that he's. She's the ones that's been shagging your man in the. That's not sisters.

[B]

That's not even acquaintances get std. Oh, guys, stop that.

[C]

Just. No, don't do it. It's not my, like, what kind of horny and like, like, depraved individual do you have to be like? I love that you actually singled out the man.

[B]

Sorry.

[C]

Because, like, forget, this is not actually about sisterhood. This is not. This. This is depravity.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

This is Sodom and Gabora level depravity.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And that man needs to be shamed for it.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And it's just. It's a real shame that you're in this situation, sis, but there's light at the end of the tunnel. And listen, even if it's. You have to pack a bag and run in the middle of the night, right? It's better you do that and go and find shelter. And I'm telling you, genuinely thinking about what you were saying around the sisters that you've had in a past life pre marriage, girl, you gotta. You better start begging.

[B]

Yeah, you better start.

[C]

You. Because those are the people that chose to love you. It's not just they're welcoming you because you've decided to be a part of this community or part of this family. These are people that you chose to Ride with pre this man. Dude, you have to go back.

[B]

And I hope you've told this man's mom, mum or dad or like family elders or the aunties and uncles. Someone needs to know that these cousins are just knocking, breaking left, right and center so someone can get flogged because. Ew, that's such disgusting nonsense.

[C]

Nasty.

[B]

Yeah. And also, quick one, us saying that this is not about sisterhood doesn't mean that it's not about girl code. Obviously, we understand there's girl code and stuff and obviously we would want these things to be observed. You know, big slap on the wrist to the cousins that are sleeping with their cousin who's married. And they know that. Disgusting. But I think when we say this is not about sisterhood, it's more so saying these women had not agreed to be there for you, respect you in that way. There wasn't an agreed, you know, covenantal or, you know, very affectionate relationship between the two of you. Of course there is general respect and they have clearly violated that. But really and truly, they hadn't signed up to anything. And honestly, I feel like they knew you, that you were a fool coming into marriage because they were knocking your husband already. I can tell you this is not new. This did not start when you got married in August. They've been knocking and they've been knocking and been knacking because they can't get married to each other. That's why they've been doing the dirty. And they'll just let it happen and happen and happen. So they were looking at you like, wow, what an idiot. She's getting married to the man that I sleep with on her eggs.

[C]

That also happens to be my cousin.

[B]

Simple as God forbid. That's why they. That's why they weren't observing no girl code. They don't even have a moral code.

[C]

Just out here.

[B]

Oh, my gosh. But anyway, sis, sending you so, so much love and genuinely praying for you because it's never nice to see a marriage betrayed in this way.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And I can only imagine the heartbreak. But big girl boots, big girl boots.

[C]

Get them out of here. Sis, we're praying for you, man. And honestly, sisters, if you have, I was going to say experienced something like this, I hope you haven't.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

If you have some words of wisdom, some prayers to share with sis, please. We need you guys to comment on Spotify, on YouTube, everywhere. Just start typing very quickly because we need. This is an sos. I think this is one of the most serious SOS that we have experienced on this podcast to date. So, sis, we love you. We're praying for you. We pray that you can leave that situation in one piece with your full independence and dignity and understanding that you are way above this and you are more valuable than this situation. But I guess from one transition to another. See what I did there? A little segue, you know, I'm trying to, like, I'm trying to change it up from segue a little bit. You know, transition. I'm trying to work on my hosting.

[B]

Oh, my gosh. Transition. Yes, transition.

[C]

The whole theme of the episode. So we spoke about, you know, earlier on in this episode that we are. Are currently in a season, or rather multiple seasons of transition. And I think that's where I actually want to start. The fact that it's not just one transition in one area of our life, but actually a series of transitions almost concurrently or together. What's been your experience this year in 2025 of transition, Courtney? Like, catch the girls up. Where are we currently? Where are we? Where is Courtney? Because the girl's been looking for you, man. Oh, my.

[B]

Oh, my God. Where you been at?

[C]

Talk to us.

[B]

You know what? So many things. So many things. Like, I think preparing for marriage is a big one. And, like, not to sound like them girls that, oh, we got engaged, and now all we talk about is marriage. But it's genuinely one of the biggest things occupying my life right now and all the things that fall under that. Right. Like moving home, merging finances. Like, all of these kind of things where you're thinking, okay, my life now has to change. In not necessarily a negative way. My life just has to change.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Because I'm now merging life with somebody. And the same for him. He's thinking, oh, my gosh, my life now has to change. Like, the amount of things I've done to disrupt this man's normal schedule. I'm just like, I'm sorry, I'm here now. I'm here to stay.

[C]

It's your wife.

[B]

So I think it's learning that, okay, timing of my life, scheduling of my life has changed a lot.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Being able to create the mental and emotional space. Space for such a big change as well. And then also financially paying for a wedding and moving at the same time is a lot. Like, a lot. And it's got you. Me also thinking more about the future, which is then changing me as a person as well. I think this year, I can honestly say the transition of not just going from single to married, but in generally my life moving into a new season. So Drastically has matured me so much because being in a romantic relationship, I feel like has grown, has really reflected parts of me that were not matured just yet.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And I was saying this at the dinner that we had on Saturday, that it's not necessarily that I was immature. It was that I believe, God knows that certain parts of you cannot be matured until you enter into certain situations and you enter into certain relationships that shine a light on those areas, because those areas haven't been tested before. Those areas, you haven't encountered the right trigger from the right person, you know? And that. That I feel like has been just a huge light has been shown on that area for me now that I am in a relationship that is getting closer and closer to marriage. Because it's like, oh, certain parts of me that wouldn't have been triggered because I was single are now being triggered. Do you get what I mean? Like, there wasn't anyone there to be like, ah, I need you to be ready by this time. I need you to be here by this time, because we need to go and do this. And I'm like, who the hell are you? Like, when I was by myself, this never used to matter. It didn't used to matter.

[C]

You know, who the hell.

[B]

Who are you, Jenny? I think my nervous system asks that all the time. Who is this person with all this bass in their voice now around us, always here?

[C]

That is so funny.

[B]

But I think that that illuminates certain parts of you where it's like, oh, this never would have been an issue when I was single because this never would have been ruffled. These little ruffles wouldn't have been ruffled up. I think it's given me a new avenue to mature in a different way and also to mature in ways that can't just be cosplayed. Because I think when you are someone who sounds wise and when you are somebody who, you know, by the grace of God, gets to give advice to people and has been an Internet big sister for nearly 10 years, people know that you are mature, but the people who know you behind the camera were the other people who can really attest to your maturity. And at this point, it feels like this person and also the other people who have come along on this journey to help with this transition have gotten to know me on a level that a camera doesn't capture. Right. So, for example, the people who are doing our premarital counseling, yeah, they know me in a way that my vlogs aren't gonna know me. Do you get what I mean? The people who have mentored us and sit us at dinner and say, you know, so what's finances saying? What are your plans for the future? How are you doing with your relationship? How are you spe to each other? How are your friendships developing? All of these things. All of these people now know whether I'm mature or not or whether this is just chat for views. Do you get what I mean?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And so I think it's helped me to mature a lot, and I've really enjoyed this season for that reason, because I think it's allowed me to become more of who I want to be, but I have to because it's forced me to go through processes I was avoiding.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Because I think there are. Even if. Whether you're married, whether you're single, whether you're, you know, whatever you are, whoever you are, when you're going through a season shift, the same things are going to be tested all the time.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Like I think about the children of Israel going through the wilderness. Right. That's a big transition. Going from captivity into freedom and thinking about how many loops of the wilderness they had to take over such a long amount of time. And they were being tested on the same thing. The same thing? The same thing. Different people, different ages, getting tripped up by the same thing. Idolatry all the time. And I think no matter what season you're in, whether you're getting married, whether you're single, whether you're moving house, whether you're getting a new job, it's the same parts of your camera that are going to be tested, but certain circumstances force you to face them if you want to move forward. Right. So, for example, if you have a job that you really want to get and you have a big, big problem with respecting authority, you can say, okay, well, I don't want this job. I just want to stay self employed. That could still look like success. Do you? I mean, but then there'll be a point where, because you're happy to let go of the job. That was, that was a part of the process you could skip over.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But now, let's see. You refuse to submit to authority in the context of a relationship.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Are you willing to lose the relationship because you don't want to go through the process? So you're going to be hit with the same test of the same issue and the same problem area, just in a different context. And at this point, you're gonna be forced to confront it or lose something that may mean more to you or it's the vice versa. Some people are happy to lose a man because they don't want to deal with a character flaw, whether it's submission or whether, you know, I know that's a trigger word for a lot of us is trigger for me at some point. So we'll talk about that another point. But for example, you don't want to deal with the heartbreak that you went through in 2016. Do you get what I mean? And so you're just gonna let that man go because you don't want to let get over that pain or that grief or that, that offense that you're holding. But then that's gonna show up in a different area of your life, that's gonna show up in a sisterhood, that's gonna show up in your family relationships. And it's going to be with something which will be harder for you to let go. And so now you have to go through the process or it will cost you more. Do you get what I mean? And so I think I've been through a season now where, where I'm confronted with something that really matters to me. And it's like all these things that you've been running away from processing, running away from developing, you have to go through the fire at this point because you don't want to let go of what's actually on the other side. Before, if it cost you this or it costs you that, you were happy to make that trade, but now you're not happy to make the trade anymore, go through the process and pay the price. And I'm like, wow, this transition feels like trial by fire. Like, like genuinely a huge amount of refinement of my character and of my, even my self perception as well. And I was talking about this like having to realize how self sufficient I was and having to be like, woo, there's a bit of pride, there's a bit of trauma, there's a bit of, you know, hyper independence going on in this mix. Let's, let's clean that up. Up. Let's clean that up. So I think transition always comes with exposure in essence. And I feel like I've been being exposed in a way that is uncomfortable. Yeah, that's a very long winded way of saying that.

[C]

Oh, I don't think you understand how you've really given language to what I've definitely been experiencing. But I'm probably speaking to the experiences of so many different women. Just even though, oh girl, when you, when you were speaking, two things. First of all, that line on how transition exposes boy.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

There is nothing like exposure and like, not even just exposing, obviously the good.

[B]

Stuff, but the bad stuff, the really.

[C]

Bad stuff, it makes me think of, you know when you go to the dentist and it's like, well, you've been naughty, like you've been missing them back to you the most. They're always like, oh, I see you brushing your teeth. You need a struggle. I see it's showing now, but it's like you wouldn't deal with that until there's this light or the dental, the hygienist or whatever that's like, oh, I can see it now. Like it's bringing it to the fore. Or you're going through some kind of like tough time with your teeth. And it's like all of a sudden this thing is exposed and it hurts. And because of the depth and the level of neglect, it's been pushed down, down so, so far when it is exposed. The sensitivity is T for type. It's, it's T for tight. And I think that really resonates with me because if there's one thing that transition has exposed about me is that I'm sensitive. I am so sensitive. I was literally reflecting on this yesterday and the day before. Yeah, I'm actually sensitive and I'm a lot more sensitive than I have cared to give myself time for because of, as you were saying, self sufficiency, hyper independence. These are all defense mechanisms or coping mechanisms that I have created that I can't afford in transition. You can't afford to be hyper independent and sensitive because you're putting on a front that like, oh, this didn't hurt you. But it did.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And it will be like the small triggers as well, the small tears that will then gradually build up. And then all of a sudden you're shouting at something, all of a sudden you're shouting or all of a sudden you're, you're, you know, you're going through it.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

One thing that I feel like I've been going through over the last, I want to say a couple of months. Months is this whole idea of like emotional flooding where all of the emotions, you feel the rush of the emotions all at once to the point where there's, you can't even articulate. You're just like, I'm crying or like I'm angry. Like it's a lot. And I realized that when you're dealing with something that's very deep rooted, when you start to bring it to the surface, it like it literally is uprooting so much at the base that it really hurts. And I feel like going through the marriage, the moving, the. The job, the. Everything has just been really uprooted. Like, it literally feels like I'm a tree that has been planted on semi good soil. But we're now trying to, like, we actually need to topple the tree to be able to see what's exposed at the roots. And dang, there's some stuff at the root that I thought, oh, we could cover up with a couple of leaves or a couple of, like, you know, stones and whatnot, and it would be fine. And it's like, no, babe, if you want to go any higher, we have to go lower. Like, that's what this season of. Or the seasons of transition have felt like for me.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And like, as you were speaking about, like, different issues cropping up in different places. You know, like, whack a mole. You, like, wacky. And it comes up over this. It's in the back. Yeah, boy. It's like you whack a mo. It's like, oh, productivity, girly. Whack them all in. You know, how I feel about myself. And then it will come up, you know, talking to my husband, it's like, why can't you be like this? And it's like, like, whack them all. It's like, yeah, we've named it, we've identified it, but it now comes up in my relationship with my friends. And it's like, wow. I think this has also exposed to me in HD clarity where I am the issue. Like, HD clarity and quickly. So I think I'm very, very grateful for, as you were saying, the maturity, but also the speed with which I'm now starting to discern. Oh, I'm the issue here. Oh. Oh, yeah. Okay. You need to be quick to apologize there. Or like, oh, okay, there's some negative emotions that you're feeling here. Be quick to identify it. Be quick to name it. Be quick to share it as well. And I think that's something that I have always traditionally struggled with. Right. The whole naming how I'm feeling or like, processing, but then also sharing it with somebody else. And I think because we are getting into. To places in our life where we actually cannot afford that. What, you can't afford to be at odds with somebody that you live with full time that you share the same bed with and stuff like that, so. What's wrong, honey? Nothing. I'm just gonna process it and, you know, if it's. No, you have to name it.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Because those are the Tears that start to build up. And those are the things that start to, you know, become the foundation of a perverse relationship that you have with someone. So, yeah, this. The seasons of transition have been hard. Yeah, they've been hard. They've been beautiful, but they've been hard. Because the level of exposure, like, it's. It's the exposure, but it's the level. Oh, my gosh, like, the level of exposure hurts. You know how they say, like, there's a certain level of sun exposure that causes burns? I feel like that is a metaphor for what I'm experiencing right now. It's like the level of exposure is so deep that it actually hurts. And I think. Think, you know, in. I think it's in James, where he talks about perseverance birthing maturity. Dude, you have to persevere. Yeah. Yeah. This, like, really understanding. Wow. The sign of maturity is actually perseverance. And now getting to a place where it's like, oh, I'm getting older. I have to persevere more.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And realizing that. I think that even my conception of, like, time and the rush to, like, do stuff has changed completely. Like, for me, I don't know, I. There's an urgency. Maybe it's capitalism, society or them kind of things there. But it's like, okay, you get married. Like, oh, yeah, okay, you know, you get the job and stuff like that. But it's like, okay, when you have those things, life is still very long. Life is still very, very long. All of the arbitrary markers of success that people often strive towards. It's like, okay, so then what? Yeah, And I think it's really forced me to confront, like. Like, what I really value. Like, what I really value, but also, like, the condition of my actual soul. Like, at the end of the day, these things aside, where is the actual condition of your soul? And I love what you were saying around the fact that people will have an idea of who you are based on, you know, what you share and all that kind of stuff. And your output now, getting into those deeper layers, it's like being able and being comfortable with the fact that. That at that level of exposure with the community that you have around you, you have to be willing to also share those horrible parts. Like, the. Really the. You know, the parts that's, like, you don't even like to articulate that you're thinking or feeling or, like, the things that you are afraid will change the conception that people have of you. But understanding how important it is, like, true sisterhood. True, true. Like, covenant is built on the fact that you have to be comfortable with that level of exposure, that level of exposure. Not just the good parts of you, but actually the bad parts. Like, that's how accountability actually works. Like, I will never be able to help you to a certain extent if I don't know the extent to which you're drowning.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And I think because I'm very good at looking like I could swim. You've seen I'm swimming, I'm swimming. It makes me think of that when we went to Dubai and I was like, guys, guys, I'm swimming, I'm swimming. But if you look below the water, you can see I'm walking, baby, they on the ground. I can't swim just yet, you know? And whilst we're close to the shoreline, it's fine to do that. But as we get older and older and we drift further and further from the safety of the shoreline, which is a metaphor for life, you won't be able to fake that it becomes a problem, because when you drown, you are now too far away from the shore of safety for someone to see save you. And so I feel like transition has really been that. It is, as you were saying, that that deep level of exposure to myself, but also to the people around me that I actually care about and being comfortable with the fact that I can't hide that there's actually parts of myself that are. That require continued work. Like, I'm constantly being refined and being okay at this point in my life of still being refined.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I think for me, very, very long winded. I think for me, I always was waiting for that. I've arrived. But the older and older I get, the more I'm like, the finish line is another start line.

[B]

Yes, good.

[C]

I've just finished this. This. And realizing, oh, no, this isn't just one race. This is. Oh, my goodness, it's a championship tournament. This race I've just finished, there's more to do, too. So, yeah, it's been humbling, it's been refining. It's been beautiful. But it's been hard. It has been hard, I hear. But I guess harkening to that, the whole idea of, like, challenge difficulty, because I think for a lot of women, transitions are hard. They're challenging. It means that you. You have to embrace a new way of thinking. You have to embrace something new.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And there's so many things that make transition challenging. So what would you say in your seasons of transition, what has made transition or, like, season shifts and all that kind of good stuff challenging?

[B]

I think the vulnerability that you've highlighted is a big one. I think accepting that you're going to have to embrace new things, which can be a blessing. But. But that in turn means you're going to have to let go of certain things. Like, you know, you can't hold onto everything from your past season as you step into the new one. And sometimes letting those things go can be really, really hard. It could look like time, freedom. It could look like money. It could look like a certain amount of. I don't know, it could. It could look like people. Certain people can't cross over into the next season with you. Certain habits. Habits can't cross over into the next season with you. And oftentimes, and I remember posting something on Instagram before I went on this hiatus, and I was saying how. I don't know how much blessings look like responsibilities, like answered prayers, are just responsibilities in a different package. And I think embracing responsibility comes with a certain level of having to die to self, and that comes with a certain level of grief. Grief, right. So that job that you've been praying for, once you get it, it's a new dimension of responsibility. You know, you're learning a new skill or maybe now you have increased responsibility. Yes, you have better pay, thank God. But it comes at a cost. You know, it comes with at least. At the very least, a new team and having to learn new people and having to make new relationships and having to prove yourself to some degree. It just comes with a greater level of pressure. The same thing with. With friendships and relationships. When you meet new people or you network with the people that you've really wanted to become friends with and you get socially accepted by them now you need to keep up. You need to keep up in that space. You also need to be a valuable part of the network. And so that requires work. That requires you having to overcome certain levels of laziness or certain limited mindsets or whatever it might be. You have to now bring something to the table that's required responsibility. And so I think whenever you step into a new blessing, it comes with a certain level of death. It comes with a different level of responsibility. And I think what's challenging sometimes is you have to become a faithful steward of the new thing. And that can be tough because it requires maturity and sometimes it can look boring as well. I think the more we get older, the more we have to embrace the more mundane parts of life. Now, that doesn't mean that adulthood just has to be boring. Like, definitely, it's filled with so Many joyful, joyful things. And I think even now, as much as I'm going through these seasons of transitions and they've brought their own challenges, they are filled with such excitement. Like, such excitement for what is to come and what is currently even happening. Like, I don't think I felt this excited about life for a long time. And so just being like, wow, this is so exciting. The imaginings of and the. The prayers for new beginnings and new things, and just realizing, okay, we can do this now. We can do that now. That's crazy. You know, that's. That is absolutely beautiful. But then there's also these feelings of, oh, in order to keep the exciting things happening practically, we also need to master the more mundane things. And those things can look like taking care of your health or looking into those investment, you know, poisoning pots or looking into, okay, how do we keep the lights on in this house? Like, how do we embrace the mundane so that we can enjoy the spectacular? And I think, for me, I've been in that place of now, okay, girl, you know, all that spontaneity you did in your season of signalness, just flying here, flying there, flying. It's not for this season, per se, and just embracing, like, okay, cool. If the next five years or whatever doesn't look like that, where do I find those pockets of joy, right? And also, am I okay with that? Like, do I feel like I'm really losing something? Do I feel like I'm gaining something in its place? And I think those moments are what make transition challenging. I also think one big challenge is you're not the only person transitioning. Other people are as well. And even with our friendship dynamic, I'm going through these transitions, but you're also going through your own transition. So that then affects. Affects the relationship, that then affects its rhythm, its pattern, its capacity. And learning to have the grace, learning to adjust, learning to not take things too personally, learning to give of yourself in a sacrificial way, even when you don't feel like it or you feel like you don't have the capacity mentally, emotionally, is all very challenging. And it's the same with other friends as well. Like, my friends feeling like maybe they're losing a little bit of access to me because I've been so busy in this season with the transition. There have also been other friends who, by the grace of God, have also gained greater access to me and have shown up in a way that was completely unfathomable. And so I think it's learning how to discern, like, okay, who do you do the behind the scenes of transition with? Who is with you in those moments to help you to stay sane, help you to stay grounded? And that can be really challenging because you're cultivating new relationships or you're having to explain to people potentially, or deal with the fallout of certain relationships being more distant. And that can be a huge challenge when it comes to the interpersonal side of our lives. And I've definitely experienced that where it's like, okay, certain friends are like, girls, girl, where you at? And I'm like, girl, I'm barely surviving.

[C]

I don't even know where I'm at.

[B]

I'm barely breathing. I woke up at like, 1pm today. I'm tired, shattered, shattered. And then there are other places, other people who are like, girl, I'm on your line. Like, let me come to the house. Let me. Let me do this, let me do that. And it's like, okay, that's really. That's really nice to see how different people are showing up. And some certain people have to show up in a different way to how they have in past season. So all of that can make life a bit of a minefield. But I think all in all, you have to take the challenges as kind of. It's. I almost see it as like an obstacle course. Like, I have to do these things in order to get to the next stage. I have to, like, there is no, oh, this is too hard. Like, no, this. I've been given the capacity, the grace, the empowerment to be able to do these things. Everything that I was learning in my past, past season of life was building me up for this moment, which means that if I was doing the work as I was trying to in the past season, then this shouldn't be so hard. It may be hard to, you know, do the final thing and pull the trigger. It's like when you're going through school, Right. School was hard. School was like, every academic year is really, really tough. Every day you're showing up, waking up early, getting to class on time. You're learning. Things are challenging. You're doing assignments, you're doing homework. All of that is really, really challenging. But you put press through. Right. But that doesn't mean when you get to the final exam, you can just give up.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

In fact, you still have to do it. Exactly. That final thing where you actually write the test matters way more than the last one academic year of showing up every day. Now, I think that's how I see the season of my life. The last season of My life was challenging, but it was building me up for something. And now that I'm in the test of transition, I still have to write the exam. I can't just clock out. Out. Do you. I mean, I can't just be like, oh, this is too hard for me. What do you think all the hardness was building you up for?

[C]

You thought this was a game.

[B]

You can press through the final hurdle. You can actually do that. And so I think just to encourage anyone who feels like, oh, this. This season of transitioning from this job to this new role or from this relationship to this, you know, marriage, or from this having one child to not having two child is two or two children. Sorry. Is too hard. You can't afford to give up in the transition because that's. That wastes everything. If you decide at this exam, I'm too tired. I'm giving up now. Okay. That last one year of hard work means nothing. It means absolutely nothing. And so that's what I've been having to tell myself. Yes, it's challenging, and yes, it's hard, but you've been preparing yourself for this. And this is not the time to give up. If you were going to give up, you should have given up at the beginning.

[C]

At the beginning.

[B]

You should have given up at the beginning.

[C]

You've wasted time and money, got to.

[B]

The end, and now you. You should have given up at the beginning. But because you pressed through and life never ends, as you were saying, life is long. You're gonna go through so many different seasons of testing and reminding yourself this is probably the least you'll be tested as a person. Not to make life sound like the suffering Olympics, but if you want to obtain any blessing that you want is going to come through a certain level of testing, testing of your character, testing of your patience, testing of whoever you are, whether you are, who you truly believe you can be, be. And that's something you have to step up to the plate for.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So as much as it's been challenging, I've just been trying to step up. Yeah. How about yourself?

[C]

That is it. No, again, I love what you said about step up. That's See the Movie Step Up.

[B]

One of my favorite films, actually.

[C]

Which one?

[B]

The first one. Only the first one.

[C]

But, yeah, I feel like that really epitomizes everything. It really is a step up or multiple steps up. I think what I. I typically just find challenging about life is pacing, timing. I'm a quick. I like things done quickly. I like things done quickly. And I think as much as there have been quick changes. There's also been slow burners. And that frustrates me because I realize I still am dealing with a control problem. I still want to control how quickly things are appearing or happening in my life. I still want to control how quickly, you know, someone trusts me. I still want to control how quick, you know, our house is done.

[B]

Renee's Reddit escapades have been so funny. It's not easy.

[C]

God of Abraham.

[B]

Not easy.

[C]

Yeah. Being I'm not a Renaissance babe. Becoming Ren the builder.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And realizing even in that, that you actually can't do that yourself. In my mind, I was thinking I could be a oneman band. And guys, I can't tell you the amount of times that, like, friends will call. Oh, Renee, how's everything going, guys? I just think six hours building this coffee table or, like, like, my husband will come home and he's like, but, Renee, who sent you? I. I said I was going to do it. You didn't have to do it in this time frame.

[B]

Frame.

[C]

And it was funny because I felt like that was so microcosmic of even my relationship with God. Sometimes it's the. Oh, but you didn't have to do that in your own strength in this time. If you had just let me handle it and focused on other things, you wouldn't be tired, you wouldn't be exhausted, you wouldn't be all of these things that you're now complaining to me about. I told you in the beginning I was going to handle it, but you didn't believe that I would.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And so dealing with. In. In transition, dealing with my control issues, dealing with my unbelief as well. Not even just unbelief in, like, myself, but actually people coming through and doing what they said that they will do. And these are all, like, very elementary things that I thought that I dealt with. And it's like, no, it's just cropped up again in another area. Just cropped up again in another area. So, yeah, dealing with my impatience, despite the fact. Which is very funny because one of my middle names literally. Literally means patience is beautiful. And one of my biggest. I want to say we're working on it. Character flaws is I'm so impatient. I'm so. I like things quickly down to when I make a dinner. I'll be there. Do you know, like, have you seen those memes of, like, what your, like, chicken wings or whatever sees when you're through the oven glass? Yeah. You will see me. My face is pressed up against the glass like this. Like, when you done, turn them over, you done. And I've just put them in. It's 10 minutes. Their wings are not gonna. And again, another metaphor in that, you know, you put something in the oven, you take it out too quickly, it's raw, and it can make you sick.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And I've really realized within transitions that you can't afford to have things half baked. They have to be fully cooked. They need to. To be able to withstand. And for you to actually have an enjoyable experience, things need to be cooked. And me learning to wait and have patience on relationships, on things that I'm building on, on, you know, seasons changing. Oh, no, I want it done yesterday. I want it. I want it. In fact, I want it done immediately. And what I have been learning about my character from that and knowing that, actually it is from a place of unbelief, it's also from a place of pride. Because when you are constantly doing things in your own sufficiency and your own timeline, it's saying, well, I'm. I'm the beast knees. I know when something should happen. And so even getting to a place where I trust God's timelines for my life is very hard. Very, very hard. Probably one of the hardest and continues to be the hardest thing for me, trusting that, okay, God not only knows what, but he knows when that. And I know this probably speaks to a lot of experiences for a lot of women in that you're waiting for something. You want something now, whether it's the job or the relationship, you've. And the thing is, you've been. You've been in your situation for a while, and so sometimes the transition season or the transition experience is very long. It feels very elongated. And learning not to, as you were saying, give up in the middle and trusting that the appointed timelines for your life are there for a reason and believing that those things will happen for you.

[B]

Girl.

[C]

Yeah, they'll happen.

[B]

Yeah, we'll have.

[C]

They'll actually happen. So I think that's what I have found probably the most challenging about transitions.

[B]

Yeah, I love that. That's so beautiful. Amen to that.

[C]

Oh, hallelujah.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

But I guess we've actually already come to the end of our.

[B]

We have to.