What They Don't Tell Women About Achieving Unshakable Confidence ft. Tiwalola Ogunlesi

Summary

Podcast Summary: "What They Don't Tell Women About Achieving Unshakable Confidence"

Podcast Information:

• Title: To My Sisters
• Hosts: Courtney Daniella Boateng & Renée Kapuku
• Guest: Tiwalola Ogunlesi (Tiwa), Confidence Coach, Author, and Founder of Confident and Killing It
• Release Date: February 23, 2025

---

Introduction: Embracing Confidence

In this empowering episode of To My Sisters, hosts Courtney Daniella Boateng and Renée Kapuku welcome Tiwalola Ogunlesi, affectionately known as Tiwa, a renowned confidence coach and the mind behind the organization Confident and Killing It. The conversation is centered around unearthing the often-overlooked facets of building unshakable confidence for women navigating the complexities of adulthood and sisterhood.

---

Tiwa’s Journey: From Engineering to Empowerment

[00:36] Courtney sets the stage by highlighting Tiwa's expertise as a confidence coach. Tiwa candidly shares her initial career struggles, revealing that despite graduation with aspirations in fashion—a field influenced by her parents in Nigeria—she faced 50 rejections before landing a role at an engineering company in Oxford. This experience was a pivotal moment for Tiwa, as she encountered profound dissatisfaction and emotional turmoil, leading her to question her career path and self-worth.

[04:00] Tiwa: "I started applying for every single job under the sun... After like 50 rejections, the first job that said yes to me was an engineering company in Oxford."

Tiwa's time in Oxford exposed her to a "very white organization," intensifying her feelings of isolation and leading to daily emotional distress. This period of her life became the crucible in which her purpose was forged, eventually giving birth to her mission of empowering women to recognize their inherent worth and confidence.

---

The Confidence Equation: Strengths, Passions, and Values

Tiwa introduces her Confidence Equation, a practical framework grounded in self-awareness and intentional growth. She emphasizes that confidence is a practice, not an innate trait.

[16:12] Tiwa: "Confidence is a practice. It is not something you're just born with."

The equation consists of three core components:

1. Know Your Strengths: Tiwa stresses the importance of recognizing one's abilities rather than focusing on insecurities. She shares insights on how many women are more aware of their limitations than their strengths, leading to a "limitational lens" that undermines confidence.

   [15:44] Tiwa: "When you know your strengths, you know, I actually, I deserve to be here."

2. Identify Your Passions: Understanding what "sets your heart on fire" is crucial. Tiwa recounts her realization that true passion cannot be fabricated; it emerges naturally when engaged in meaningful activities.

   [17:18] Tiwa: "You cannot overthink your way into clarity. You have to explore and take action and try things."

3. Align with Your Values: Tiwa underscores the necessity of aligning actions with personal values to achieve fulfillment. By integrating her values—spirituality, impact, creativity, and wellness—into her daily tasks, she ensures that her work remains purposeful and satisfying.

   [20:04] Tiwa: "I've aligned all my to-do lists with my core values. So every time I'm showing up, I'm honoring my values, and that gives me a sense of fulfillment."

Together, these elements form what Tiwa calls the "Power Circle," a harmonious intersection that fosters deep, sustainable confidence.

---

Faith and Confidence: Embracing Godfidence

A significant portion of the discussion delves into the intersection of faith and confidence, a concept Tiwa terms "Godfidence." She narrates a transformative experience during a Bible study that reshaped her understanding of self-worth through her relationship with God.

[22:55] Tiwa: "I am a royal daughter of Christ, that when he sees me, all he sees is goodness."

Tiwa explains that true confidence is bolstered by spiritual maturity and an unwavering belief in God's promises. She draws parallels between battling internal doubts and facing external adversities, advocating for a mindset fortified by faith.

[28:17] Tiwa: "The first thing we do when things are going wrong is blame God. Oh, hello somebody."

This revelation led Tiwa to prioritize her spiritual life, recognizing that resting in God's presence is foundational to maintaining confidence, especially during challenging seasons.

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Seasons of Life: Balancing Grind and Rest

Tiwa introduces the concept of life's seasons, distinguishing between periods of intense effort (grind) and essential rest. She argues against the pervasive hustle culture, advocating instead for a balanced approach where rest is seen as productive and necessary for overall well-being.

[37:02] Renee: "Because rest almost feels like a waste of time."

[37:05] Tiwa: "You are productive. Productivity is about knowing what matters and prioritizing that."

She elaborates on various forms of rest—physical, mental, social, spiritual, and financial—and their roles in nurturing confidence. By redefining productivity to include rest aligned with personal values, Tiwa encourages women to view downtime not as laziness but as an integral component of a fulfilling life.

[46:29] Tiwa: "Rest is productive. It's so simple. The idea that we would feel guilty about doing something that nourishes our body."

Tiwa also highlights the importance of work-life integration over mere balance, suggesting that weaving different aspects of life together creates a sustainable and enriching existence.

[53:27] Tiwa: "It's work-life integration instead of work-life balance. Because you can have it all, but not at the same time."

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Empowering Words: Final Wisdom

In her concluding remarks, Tiwa imparts a powerful message about resilience and self-worth. She encourages women to embrace their inherent value and recognize that life's challenges are shaping them into stronger, more confident individuals.

[55:37] Tiwa: "Your work is never wasted... Life happens in seasons. So if you are in a season of waiting, don't be disheartened."

She reinforces the idea that patience and trust in God's plan are essential during times of personal growth and transformation. Tiwa's insights serve as a testament to the strength found in embracing both one's spiritual beliefs and personal aspirations.

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Conclusion: Continuing the Journey

Hosts Courtney and Renée express deep admiration for Tiwa's wisdom and encourage listeners to engage with her work, including her book "Confident and Killing It" and her organization. They reiterate the podcast's mission to foster a community of empowered women committed to holistic wellness and growth.

[58:14] Courtney: "Be sure to get a copy of Tiwa's book... Follow T everywhere."

The episode closes with heartfelt goodbyes, leaving listeners inspired to embark on their own journeys toward unshakable confidence, grounded in self-awareness, faith, and intentional rest.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• [04:00] Tiwa: "I started applying for every single job under the sun... After like 50 rejections, the first job that said yes to me was an engineering company in Oxford."

• [16:12] Tiwa: "Confidence is a practice. It is not something you're just born with."

• [17:18] Tiwa: "You cannot overthink your way into clarity. You have to explore and take action and try things."

• [20:04] Tiwa: "I've aligned all my to-do lists with my core values. So every time I'm showing up, I'm honoring my values, and that gives me a sense of fulfillment."

• [22:55] Tiwa: "I am a royal daughter of Christ, that when he sees me, all he sees is goodness."

• [28:17] Tiwa: "The first thing we do when things are going wrong is blame God. Oh, hello somebody."

• [37:05] Tiwa: "You are productive. Productivity is about knowing what matters and prioritizing that."

• [46:29] Tiwa: "Rest is productive. It's so simple. The idea that we would feel guilty about doing something that nourishes our body."

• [53:27] Tiwa: "It's work-life integration instead of work-life balance. Because you can have it all, but not at the same time."

• [55:37] Tiwa: "Your work is never wasted... Life happens in seasons. So if you are in a season of waiting, don't be disheartened."

---

Final Thoughts:

This episode of To My Sisters with Tiwa is a compelling exploration of the multifaceted journey toward building unshakable confidence. Through personal anecdotes, actionable strategies, and profound spiritual insights, Tiwa empowers women to redefine their self-worth, embrace their unique strengths, and navigate life's seasons with grace and resilience. Listeners are left with practical tools and heartfelt encouragement to continue their own paths of growth and self-discovery.

Transcript

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[Courtney]

As I mentioned, you are a confidence coach. This conversation is going to be about confidence.

[Tiwa]

Passion is not for everything and anything. Passion is actually for what you care about, what sets your heart on fire. And immediately I'm just like, what have I done? Like, hate it. Crying every day after work.

[Renee]

For a lot of us that. That struggle with value and struggle with detaching our identity from the things that we produce, how we show up in different spaces, it can be really difficult to rest.

[Tiwa]

You know, it's just like integrating myself in this very white organization.

[Courtney]

The reason why things like affirmations are so frustrating is it gets you to sharpen a sword, but it doesn't train you on how to use it on the battlefield.

[Tiwa]

Tiwa, as a teenager, was very insecure. Why has society normalized girls being insecure? Yes, because we are actually born loving ourselves. So at some point, the world teaches us to hate ourselves. Because I didn't realize that my mind was a battlefield. So we all need to realize that our mind is a battlefield of conflicting forces. And that was the same place that confident and killing it was born.

[Renee]

Hello, and welcome to the To My Sisters podcast. I'm Renee.

[Courtney]

I'm Courtney.

[Tiwa]

I'm Tewa.

[Courtney]

And we are your online sisters and hosts of today's episode of the To My Sisters podcast.

[Renee]

Now, we are all about promoting the wellness, growth, and development of a community of sisters across the world.

[Courtney]

And in today's episode, we are sat with our girl, confidence coach extraordinaire, author, boss, babe, and our friend, period, a good lessie.

[Tiwa]

Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Renee]

Let's give it up. Let's give it up.

[Tiwa]

Also your biggest fan to the list.

[Courtney]

Well, Tiwa, you actually really rock with us. You support?

[Tiwa]

No, for real, bro. Day one. Did I show you that you guys are on my vision board? Yeah, on my wallpaper. Come on. When I was doing my vision board, I was like, sold out shows. Put the two of you there. There's this picture where, like, you're standing and then you can see all the lights in the audience. The way I just cropped that thing in my vision board because the two of you are just such beautiful souls. You're so inspiring. And I was like, this is the energy coming from you? Nah.

[Courtney]

I honestly, like, you guys are in for a treat, because, like we mentioned, you are a confidence coach, and this conversation is going to be about confidence, but also just drawing on your story and your wealth of knowledge. I feel like every time you speak genuinely, something new in my soul gets hit.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Because I'm like, wow, there's such a new, fresh perspective to look at. Confidence and faith and navigating the things that we don't actually believe we deserve.

[Tiwa]

But we want to be in.

[Courtney]

You are profound. And we're really excited to jump into this conversation about embracing our seasons with confidence. Right. And actually approaching life with a level of confidence. And in preparing to actually have this conversation, we were like, yeah, we can come in with the same angle everybody comes in with. And we do want to jump into your story about your journey with confidence.

[Tiwa]

Yes.

[Courtney]

However, before you became a confidence coach.

[Tiwa]

Yes.

[Courtney]

Most people don't know, including us, till.

[Renee]

About two minutes to us, that this.

[Courtney]

Isn'T actually your first job or career. So please take us to Oxford the.

[Renee]

Before engineering.

[Tiwa]

Okay.

[Courtney]

Wow.

[Tiwa]

Yeah, you guys got this out of me because I realized I actually don't talk about this a lot. So when I was graduating from university, I actually wanted to work in fashion. So my parents work in fashion in Nigeria. And so naturally, I wanted to go into fashion. But when I kept going to the interviews, they were really, like, fluffy. And I'm the kind of person where I love a challenge. Like, I want to go into work that's really going to, like, you know, require something of you. So in the interviews for these fashion companies, they were asking me, do I know how to use the tube? And I was like, honey, I'm a graduate from a university. So I was like, okay, whatever. Not doing that. So I just started applying for every single job under the sun. Because also I had that pressure of, you must get a job after university. Because I had often tied my worth to. To my productivity, to my grades. So I was very much in that. Like, my worth depends on my ability to get a job. So I applied for so many different jobs, and after, like, 50 rejections, the first job that said yes to me was an engineering company in Oxford. And they made, like, plastic cups and plugs and, like, PCB boards, like, things that go into, like, printers and cars and tractors that you would never even think about. But, you know, I told Myself, like, oh, I'm a passionate person. Like, I can do anything. I'll be passionate about anything. And then once I got there, I quickly learned that passion is not for everything and anything. Passion is actually for what you care about, what sets your heart on fire. You can't pick something random and say, oh, I'm a passionate person. I'll be passionate about this. Because, no, I was humbled so quickly. So I get to this first job in Oxford in a town called Kidlington. It's like a random place. I don't know anyone in Oxford. I move there and I start this job, and immediately I'm just like, what have I done? Like, hate it. Crying every day after work. My manager doesn't have time for me. Oh, I'm on a grad scheme. And, you know, it's just like integrating myself in this very white organization. And it was just. It was so strange. And I was just like, wait. And then one day I was like, I don't want to be like those people I see on TV that hate their jobs, but then just show up every single day. So there has to be a way out of this, you know? And I just remember, like, praying and crying and like, just like, God, what is going on here? And it's so funny that in that same Oxford where I had my depressive moments and I hated my job, that was the same place that I actually found my purpose. And that was the same place that confident and killing it was born. Can you imagine?

[Renee]

Wow.

[Tiwa]

Yeah. Because. Because I was so unfulfilled at work. I was like, I need to do something that fulfills me. I need to find something. I need to do something that gives me some sense of pass and, you know, fulfillment. So I was like, okay, let me serve in church. So I started serving as a youth leader in church. And so every Friday, I would go and hang out in this little basement in a community center and just talk with girls that were aged 16 to 17. And I noticed that they had the same issues that I had back when I was a teenager. So rewind. Before the job in Oxford, Tiwa as a teenager was very insecure. Her mind was very negative. She literally lived on the approval of other people. Like, my whole existence was, I have to prove my worth through my grades or I have to prove my worth by other people liking me. And that was the world I existed in. So my mind was so messy because it was so negative, but I just thought, oh, my mind is my mind. There's nothing I can do about it. That's Just the way things are. So that's the mind I was living with and carrying on with until I had my aha Moment, which we can talk about later. But, yeah, so I. I got there, and I'm seeing the girls are insecure and not confident, and I'm like, how is it that almost 10 years later, the issues I had at 16, 15, 13, the same issues I'm seeing in another generation of girls, I was like, this is. This is not okay. Why has society normalized girls being insecure?

[Courtney]

Yes.

[Tiwa]

It's not a rite of passage to hate yourself.

[Renee]

Oh, that's so good.

[Tiwa]

Hello. Because we are actually born loving ourselves. So at some point, the world teaches us to hate ourselves because it sends us messages like, you need this. Then you'll be worthy. You need this approval. You need this product. You need this handbag, whatever. And then you will have something to offer. And so women go through life not knowing what their true worth is, that they matter simply because they exist and not because of anything else, not because of anything external. The fact that you are alive and you're here means that you matter. So as a youth leader, my job was just to speak truth over these girls and to, you know. And it's like, when I would tell them about how they have the power to, you know, challenge the negative thoughts and challenge their insecurities, they would just start crying. And I was like, every time I spoke to them, they cried. And I'm like, what's going on here? You know, okay, maybe. Maybe. Maybe I can actually do, like. I don't know. Just ideas started coming up. And then I remember. I think it was. Yes, I had. So about a year before this point, my mom gave me a book called fifteen Laws of Growth by John Maxwell. And in that book, I learned that growth is intentional. Growth does not come with age. Because when I was 21, I was thinking, when I'm 25, I'll be making money. Life will be good. And then you get to 25, and you're like, this is a scam. I don't think it's a gamble.

[Courtney]

Give me five more years.

[Tiwa]

I want something for you. Literally. So I was like, okay. So the woman I want to become isn't just gonna happen. Like, she. There needs to be strategy. We need to have a plan in place to become the person you want to become. And we often set goals for what we want to achieve, but we don't set goals for who we want to become. But it is the person that you become that allows you to achieve the goals that you want.

[Renee]

So good.

[Tiwa]

Right. So I took a step back and I said, who am I? What is inside of me? What are my strengths? What am I good at doing? Who is Tiwa? Right. And then from that awakening of self, I was able to start setting goals for the kind of work I wanted to do in the world. And when I started to see the transformation, I was like, this is too good to keep to myself. I need to share this with the world. And so that's how I became a youth leader. And then I started making videos online. And then one thing led to another and here we are. Sorry, that was a very long time.

[Courtney]

Award winning confidence coach and content creator and podcaster.

[Tiwa]

Yes. Yeah, there's a whole, there's a whole journey of that side.

[Renee]

But yeah, I absolutely adore that. And I love the fact that you said, yeah, and here we are, girl, you're doing some incredible things. And I absolutely adore that. And what I really loved about what you were saying was the importance of journey and the importance of journeying and growth being something that's intentional.

[Courtney]

Right.

[Renee]

You're not just going to wake up as the woman that you want to be, or you're not going to just wake up possessing the things that you desire to have, but you have to intentionally take those steps towards becoming that and then obtaining that. I love that process so much. Unpack that a little bit. Because I think sometimes when we think of goals that we have for ourselves, especially around who we want to be.

[Courtney]

Right.

[Renee]

It can seem almost very intimidating, especially if we have quite lofty or ambitious goals. Right. And I'm thinking of the Tiwa that's working at the engineering company to the Tiwa now that we're seeing that is confident and killing it. But there was so much space in between that moment of kind of self actualization and then the Tiwa that we're seeing before us today.

[Tiwa]

Yes.

[Renee]

So talk us through the process of becoming. What does that actually look like for a woman that has now realized, ah, I really want to be this woman. I really want to achieve these things I'm currently here. How do I bridge that gap? What does that look like?

[Tiwa]

Yes. And I have a very special confidence equation because I'm a very practical person. Okay. I've never going to say to you, just read affirmations of Pinterest and you'll be fine. That's not going to be me. If you come, if you come to my coaching sessions, if you come to my webinars, I'm going to make sure it is practical because at the end of the day, confidence is a practice. It is not something you're just born with. You either have or you don't. That's not what confidence is. If you make a decision that you want to become a confident person, there are specific things you can do that are backed by science to help you become more confident. So one of the things I talk about in chapter one of my book is how to create your true, authentic self. And that's what it all starts with, right? And so the first thing is to know your strengths, know what you're good at doing. When I ask women to tell me what their strengths are, they're looking left, they're looking right, they're hoping something drops down from heaven. And I'm like, Jesus is not going to save you right now. He will save you later on, but not right now at this moment, okay? And then when I ask them to tell me what they're not going so good at, they're like, oh, I'm so bad at this. I'm so awkward in person. It just rolls off the tongue like I'm bad with money. I'm this. If you know your insecurities more than you know your strengths, that means you are living from a place of limitation. That means every time you see yourself, your lens, imagine if you're wearing glasses, your lenses in which you see yourself, and the world is limitation. So when you walk into that meeting, right, you go, oh, should I really be here? That's your first thought. Oh, I don't need to speak up because my voice doesn't really matter. That's when you know your insecurities more than you know your strengths. But when you know your strengths, you know, I actually, I deserve to be here. I have the skills, I have the talent, I am knowledgeable, I am resilient, I am driven. So when the insecurities come, you have something to say back to it. That's the biggest thing. People don't realize that you're meant to challenge self doubt. Yeah, like you're meant to challenge self doubt. Imagine if you went out and somebody started abusing you, will you just go, oh, I guess you're right and just sit down? No, you're like, actually you would defend yourself. And so when the self doubt is coming at you, it is a battle. And that's why I love Joyce Meyer's book Battlefield of the Mind. That book gathered me. It's a good book because I didn't realize that my mind was a battlefield. So we all need to realize that our mind is a battlefield of conflicting forces. And you can either train it to work it for you, train it to make sure it works for you, or you let it run wild. And it takes up everything in your surroundings and it just fills with negativity and negativity, right? So the first thing is know your strengths. So that when the self doubt comes, you use your strengths to challenge it. I remember one time I was giving a talk to a group of women and they had actually paid to come and hear me speak. Like, this was a confident and killing event. And in there, I'm talking about how important it is to love and believe in yourself. And in that moment, my mind starts to tell me, wow, look at all their faces. They're so bored. You need to shut up. You need to end this event. No one wants to hear you speak anymore. Literally, as I am speaking to women about how to love and believe in themselves, my mind is sabotaging me, telling me to shut up and end my event. Now, if I did not know my strengths, I probably would have ended my event in that moment or I would have gotten really flustered because I'm speaking, but my mind is sabotaging me. What do I do? And then I would have just, you know, probably melted on stage, but instead, my inner cheerleader came through and it was like, excuse me. People have paid to come and hear her speak. People have told her that she has changed their lives. She is good at communicating. She has wisdom, she is confident. So you better shut up and get to the back so she can finish this talk.

[Courtney]

Come on.

[Tiwa]

That was literally what was going on in my head, okay? Now, the only reason I could do that is because I have trained my mind to know my strengths. I have an awareness. And so one of the things I say to women a lot is it's not that you're not capable, you're just not awake.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Tiwa]

You are literally sleeping on your greatness. You're just not awake right now. So my job as a confidence coach is I say I want to wake women up because you're not broken, sis. You're not broken and you don't need fixing, okay? You're not broken and you don't need fixing. What you do is need to wake up to what is already inside of you. Yeah. So that's step one. Wake up to the greatness inside of you. Know your strengths. Step two is to know what sets your heart on fire. Okay? Because when you know what you're good at doing and then you apply that to what sets your heart on fire. That alone is a very powerful combination. A lot of people don't know what they're passionate about. So to figure out what you're passionate about, you have to explore. You cannot overthink your way into clarity. Okay, can we take a moment?

[Courtney]

Pedal back, Pedal back, take a moment.

[Renee]

I need to side eye myself.

[Tiwa]

Side eye myself. You cannot overthink yourself into clarity. You have to explore and take action and try things. And I would not have known I was passionate about impacting people and changing lives if I did not explore being a youth leader at church. If I had stayed in that job thinking, what does my future hold? I would not have experienced the joy and the passion that came from within me. So when you're doing something and you feel the energy rising from inside of you, that's a sign that you're passionate about that thing. When you're doing something and the energy is leaving you, is draining you, then that's a sign that maybe you're not so passionate about that thing. So the only way to know how energy can come from within your body is to try things out. It's not from overthinking. And so when I started doing talks and workshops and speaking to people, I felt energy coming from inside of me. So at the end of it, I'm not tired. I can do workshops back to back.

[Renee]

You're so right.

[Tiwa]

And not be tired. Because every time I'm showing up to speak, the energy is coming from inside of me. Right? So you need to figure out, okay, what sets my heart on fire, what's something that I love to talk about, or what's something that breaks my heart so much, I want to change that. Right? And you guys know that very well. Something that breaks your heart. You're like, I don't want to stand by this. Right? Women are not connecting. There's brokenness. We need sisterhood. We want to see women together, united. Let's do something about it. And so for me, it was like, I don't want to see women sleeping on themselves. Like, it upsets me and my homegirls. It upsets me and my homegirls when I see a woman with a dream, but she's too afraid. Fear, Fear that can be conquered. That's what you're going to allow. Get in the way of your dreams and your goals. Just know. So know your strengths. Know what you're passionate about. And the third piece of the equation is to know your values, okay? And now your values are the things that really matter to you. It's about what's important to you in life. So if you know your strengths but you're in a job that does not honor your values, you're going to be unfulfilled. Right. So you have to know what your values are. What matters most to you? For me, spirituality, impact, creativity, and wellness. Those are my top values. So everything that I do, my whole to do list is aligned with one of my core values. So there's no task on my to do list that does not align with my values. Even admin is impact. Admin is creativity.

[Renee]

That's important, you know?

[Tiwa]

Right. So I've aligned all my to do lists with my core values. So every time I'm showing up, I'm honoring my values, and that gives me a sense of fulfillment. So that is what I call your power circle. The intersection of your strengths, your passions, and your values. And when you does bring it all together and say, okay, what's one thing I can do today to live in my power circle? One of the reasons why I am so confident is because I know what my power circle is, and I have built a life within my power circle, my business, Everything that I do uses my strengths, does what I'm passionate about, and honors my values. Do those three things, and that is where you will begin to see huge changes in your journey to becoming the woman you want to be.

[Courtney]

Oh, and this is why I love you. Honestly, no. You have such a precise yet poetic way of breaking down things. And honestly, thank you for illustrating that, because I think the first thing that you drew on around our strengths and really the minefield that is our mind, the reason why things like affirmations are so frustrating is it gets you to sharpen a sword, but it doesn't train you on how to use it on the battlefield. Oh, yes, your sword is sharp. Oh, you know all the truth. You know the facts that you can, you know, use to defeat the enemy in your mind. You know, and that limiting voice or that critic that really resides in a lot of our consciousness. However, when you're actually in the heat of the moment, when you're doing something scary, when you're presented with a new environment or a new catalyst for fear.

[Tiwa]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

And you are actually scared. And that critic wakes up and is like, hey, I know you did your affirmations this morning, but now it's my time to shine. Yeah, we actually don't know how to use the sword we've been sharpening in the morning with those affirmations.

[Tiwa]

Right.

[Courtney]

And what you've perfectly demonstrated is actually there's no use for having a sharp sword that you don't bring to battle and you don't know how to use in battle. Right. However, there are some giants you can face that a sword cannot slay. Right. There are some battles that happen in our minds which we just aren't fit to fight. It could be because it's happened at a really tough season in your life, a critical juncture, a time of weakness, depression, anxiety, whatever it is, and you start to feel overcome by the situation you're feeling. So much so that that fear does feel crippling.

[Tiwa]

Right.

[Courtney]

So as a woman of faith, what does confidence in God look like? Right? Because there are some situations which are bigger than us, and only God can do it.

[Tiwa]

Only God can do it.

[Courtney]

Right. So what does godfidence look like, right, where you're allowing God to power that confidence that's in you when it really is contrary to everything you're feeling?

[Tiwa]

Wow, I love that question. That is juicy. Okay, so God fordance. I would say so. I grew up going to a Catholic church, right? Same. Oh, did you? Oh, wow, look at us Catholic girls. But unfortunately, I think where I really found God was not in the Catholic Church. You know what?

[Courtney]

We actually need to do a podcast on that.

[Renee]

On that specific.

[Courtney]

Yeah, we need to do a podcast on that because. Shout out to the Catholics.

[Tiwa]

So shout out to the Catholics. But, you know, so I. So when I was in university one day, so this was before I had had my aha moment before my mom gave me the book and everything. So I was studying and I was leaving the study room, it was like 8pm or so. So I packed my bags, I'm leaving, and I see a girl coming with food and a guitar. So I held the door open for her, and as she was coming in, she was like, oh, hi, we're about to do a Bible study in this room. Do you want to join? And I was like, this looks like some Kumbaya kind of thing. Like, I don't know about all of this. I'd never been to Bible study before either. So I was just like, actually, I'm really tired. You know, it's 8:00, so maybe next time. Knowing that I would never see her again. And then she goes, oh, I know you're tired, but when you spend time with God, he gives you strength.

[Renee]

Oh, come on, Evangelist.

[Courtney]

Come on, evangelist.

[Renee]

She said, what you gonna say to them now?

[Tiwa]

She said, yeah, okay.

[Courtney]

I said, God, I've heard, not do no reverse. You gave me what I needed.

[Tiwa]

I said, God, I've heard you. I quickly turned around and followed her into that Bible study, shout out to her. So after all the singing, which was very cringe, but we got through it, the guy starts to read the scripture for the day and he has starts to talk about how we have the power to take every thought captive, captive. And I was like, huh. These were scriptures I had never heard before. But there I was for the past 15 years or so, battling with a negative mind. And then for the first time in my life, I'm hearing that I am a royal daughter of Christ, that when he sees me, all he sees is goodness, that I have a power in me to trample over negative thoughts. I just burst into, into tears. I just burst into tears because it was like that was the first time I had that interaction to really know who I am in Christ. Right? And so that's where I have this strong sense of worth, that when God sees me, all he sees is goodness. So who am I to even doubt myself? Who is somebody else to say something negative about me? And that is what I will take as the truth. So in that moment I realized that I have to find the real truth because what I was thinking about myself was not the truth and in fact was a lie. And so the real truth about who I am is found in the Bible. And so I then went on a journey of who does God say I am? Right? Because I am. Those words are very powerful. And whatever you put after that can either empower you or sabotage you. Yes, right. So I had to go on a journey of first of all, who am I? Who is my sense of being? What's my identity? And when you know that who you are and then you know what God's character is. And it's like you, you are a child of this incredible creator, all knowing, magnificent, powerful. You're just like, first of all, I'm good. Like I'm actually good. So that was the first step is kind of like knowing who you are in Christ. And so when you walk in, it's not all little old me. No, it's big ol you because you're backed by a big God. Okay, Come on, it's big. All you, right? It's not just little you, because there is a spirit in you. The same spirit that raised Jesus from the dead lives in you, right? And that power is inside of you. When you realize that we are an extreme expression of God. Like we aren't just humans. We're not just random things that just exist. Like God actually breathed Life into us. Do you know what that means? Do you know what power we have? And so that, first of all, is just awareness of how powerful we are. And then when I really got confidence in God was when I realized that he always keeps his promises. He always keeps his promises. When God promises something, it is. It is 100% certain that it's going to happen. But I have to be at a level of spiritual maturity to receive that promise. So in the past, when things weren't going according to plan, I would be like, God, why? Where are you? Why haven't you left me? And start to lose confidence in God? Because, like, oh, God is not showing up. And I'm like, now I'm like, is it God that's not showing up? Or you are not doing what you're meant to be doing so that you stay connected to the vine? Because the first thing we do when things are going wrong is blame God. Oh, hello, somebody.

[Renee]

She's just pressing in.

[Tiwa]

Hello, somebody. The first thing we do when things are going wrong is God. Where are you, God? Why weren't you there, God, why have you left me? When you look at the character of God, he never leaves you. He never forsakes you. So if you are feeling distant from God, it is because you have wandered, not because God has left you.

[Courtney]

You are pissed up.

[Tiwa]

Oh, my goodness.

[Courtney]

Because literally when Shane first entered into the story, because a lot of what hinders confidence is Shane. And when Shane first entered into the story, God enters into the garden is like, hey, where are y'all?

[Tiwa]

Looking for you.

[Courtney]

I know, but where are y'all? Why you're feeling shameful is because you've moved.

[Tiwa]

Yes. I don't know where you're at exactly.

[Courtney]

Spiritually, where are you? Mentally, where are you? And a lot of us don't know where we're at, but we feel like God is far.

[Tiwa]

Yeah, he's not far. And I used to think, oh, God, God doesn't speak to me. Why isn't God speaking to me? But he's always speaking. I'm just not operating at a frequency where I can hear what he's saying.

[Renee]

That's so.

[Tiwa]

Good word, right? So my true confidence in God came actually really just this year because. So I started confident and killing it full time in 2020. That was when I quit my job and started running it full time. Now.

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[Tiwa]

What makes a great pair of glasses at Warby Parker? It's all the invisible extras without the extra cost. Their designer quality frames start at $95 including prescription lenses plus scratch resistant, smudge resistant and anti reflective coatings and UV protection and free adjustments for life. To find your next pair of glasses, sunglasses or contact lenses, or to find the Warby Parker store nearest you, head over to warbyparker.com that's warbyparker.com every year up until this year, I've been burnt out. Wow. And I was like, oh, God, look at me. I'm, you know, I'm doing all this amazing work for your purpose, for your glory. But really and truly, no, I was just obsessed with success and I was, you know, thinking, oh, God, I'm doing all of this great stuff for you, but I don't have time to pray, I don't meditate, I don't read the Bible, barely make it to church. But God, I'm living for your purpose. He sees right through that. He sees right through that in the Bible. When Mary and Martha were there, right, and preparing dinner. And it wasn't Martha at his feet, I think.

[Courtney]

Yes.

[Tiwa]

Or Mary was. Martha was the one. So I was Martha, I'm doing the most. And Mary is sat at his feet. And when Martha says, oh, God, tell my sister, Jesus, tell my sister to come and help me. And he's like, no, actually Mary's doing the right thing when this is where you need to be. At my feet, at the feet of Jesus. But I was doing all the running around because God has given me this amazing purpose to empower and inspire women. So I need to do this and do this and do that. And one day the Holy Spirit convicted me and said, oh, Little Miss, you know, super independent running a business but can't fit God into her schedule. Little Miss wants God to move in her life in a big way, but has no space for God to move because her calendar is jam packed.

[Renee]

Oh, no.

[Tiwa]

Oh, oh my. Listen, can you imagine? You're just walking on the street and the Holy Spirit just running on.

[Courtney]

You run up that. You know what? It's so funny because I recently heard someone say, if you're too busy for God, you're just too busy.

[Tiwa]

Yeah, right.

[Courtney]

And that's such a good point. Like, you want God to move, but your calendar is so full, there is no space for him to.

[Tiwa]

There's no space.

[Courtney]

Oh, Lord, deliver us. Hyper productive.

[Tiwa]

Girl, listen. And so then after I had that revelation, it was like, okay, this year I said, what does it look like to actually put God first in my life, in my business, in everything? Because after being burnt out year after year for the past three years, I got to 20, 24. And I said, God, where is this rest you speak of? Because I am yet to experience this rest. And I want that ease, right? I want to experience rest in you. I want to know what it feels like for me to get a download from you and live that out not from my own strength, but from your own strength. And so this year was the year that I realized that God gave me a promise, right? I know the vision he has for me. I know the vision he has for my business. But when things were not going according to plan, I was blaming him instead of looking inwards. And this year was the year that I realized that. Imagine your parents promise you they're going to get you a car. Okay? So they say they're going to get you a car. And let's say they tell you this when you're 10 years old. And then when you're 13, you're crying, where's my car? Where's my car? And they said, don't worry, we promised you we will get you a car. Like the car is going to come. And then when you're 16, you're like, where's my car? You're still not giving me this car. You're never going to give me this car. But you cannot get the car until you're 18, until you've learned how to drive, until you've practiced and passed your test. Then you can get the car that your parents have promised you. So even though they gave you the promise at 10 years old, they never changed it. The promise was still the promise. But you had to practice. You had to grow. You had to learn some things before you got that promise. Prepare for the promise. So now my Godfidence comes from knowing that God is so faithful. He's so faithful. He's. His promises are his promises. But now I no longer run and be like, oh, it's his fault. I look inwards and I ask myself, what? Who do I need to become, right? What do I need to do? And that is prioritize him. And my purpose, really is to love him and be in relationship with him. My purpose is not to run a business. Right. Because why is he going to bless me with a bigger business if my business is going to take me away from Him?

[Renee]

That's so good.

[Tiwa]

Right. So I need to prioritize being in his presence. And that's where my confidence will continue to come from. And then I live out my assignment, which is the mission and the work that I do.

[Courtney]

That's.

[Renee]

Oh, oh, you're actually so excellent and brilliant.

[Courtney]

The way you.

[Renee]

No, no, genuinely, the way you articulated that was so beautifully put. I think so many things were flying in my head as you were speaking. First of all, prioritization and the way that we actually order our day and our life to reflect our love for God. How we can be so caught up in the things that we do, expressions of our love for God, really. God actually just wants our attention first and intimacy with us first.

[Tiwa]

Right.

[Renee]

And all of these things are a product of that intimacy rather than the other way around.

[Courtney]

Right.

[Renee]

That was such a beautiful point that you brought up. And I think it's so important for the girlies that are multifaceted, the girlies that are hyper productive, the girlies that are trying to live this cool life that they really think is an expression of God's goodness. And it's like, no, there's an order to these things. It starts with God. It's not. You start it and then hope that you can crowbar in God a little bit later down the line. You have to start with God and end with God.

[Tiwa]

Yes, yes.

[Renee]

So the importance of, like, that Genesis, you know, point being with God.

[Tiwa]

Yeah.

[Renee]

That is so paramount to the sustenance of the thing anyways. You can't sustain a business without God being at the beginning. You can't sustain a relationship without God being at the beginning. You can't sustain pretty much any blessing that you've prayed for if God is not present at the beginning. Not just present. Present at the beginning. So I love that you really mentioned that. And I also love that you touched on rest. I think a lot of people have an interesting relationship with rest, especially Black women. Especially black women. You touched on how, you know, formerly you had dealt with really tangling up your worth and sense of value in what you were able to produce.

[Tiwa]

Right.

[Renee]

And I think for a lot of us, us that struggle with value and struggle with detaching our identity from the things that we produce, how we show up in different spaces, it can be really difficult to rest.

[Tiwa]

Yeah.

[Renee]

Because rest almost feels like a waste of time.

[Tiwa]

You are.

[Renee]

It almost feels like an entitlement when rest is not an entitlement, it's actually a commandment. Even God rest.

[Tiwa]

Okay, come on now.

[Renee]

How do you find confidence whilst resting? Knowing that there's, you know, God is still working, knowing that the business is still running, knowing that there are things that are still happening and going that don't necessarily need you in the moment? How do you continue to have a confident outlook?

[Tiwa]

Yeah.

[Renee]

Confidence in yourself and God whilst being still.

[Tiwa]

Oh, amazing question. Listen, they call me the Minister of Enjoyment because. Sorry, also Minister of Enjoyment.

[Renee]

The video that you put of your wedding, you and your husband. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's one of my favorite videos.

[Tiwa]

Listen, I like to enjoy my life because life is meant to be enjoyed. Yes, you're gonna have hard moments, but no, I. A good holiday. Right. Listen, I can never feel guilty on a beach, okay. Looking at the ocean. God created that. That is productivity.

[Renee]

I'm gonna use that one.

[Tiwa]

You know, I love that. Delighting.

[Renee]

That's somebody's caption.

[Tiwa]

Literally. Oh, delighting in God's creation.

[Courtney]

I love that.

[Tiwa]

But yeah, literally, you have to redefine what productivity means. Productivity isn't just about ticking boxes because you can tick all the boxes you want and still not have achieved anything. Right. Productivity is about knowing what matters and prioritizing that. Which is why I went back to my to do list is aligned with my values. So when I'm resting, that is part of wellness. Wellness is a value of mine. So rest is productive. Yeah. It's so simple. The idea that we would feel guilty about doing something that nourishes our body. You know, they say if you. If you don't pick a day to rest, your body will pick it for you.

[Renee]

Boy, that part.

[Tiwa]

So you know, again. And it also goes back to your sense of worth. If your worth is tied to your productivity levels, when you're not working, you feel useless.

[Courtney]

Yes.

[Tiwa]

Right. So the first thing you need to do is redefine your sense of self worth. Right. Just because you're not working doesn't mean you're useless. Right. You can take a break and still be worthy.

[Renee]

Yes.

[Tiwa]

Literally. It's like, okay, imagine I had a five pound notes, right? If the five pound note was just sitting on the table, is it now worthless? If the five pound note was on the floor, is it now worthless? No. If I took it to just hold it in my hand and not do anything, the five pounds is five pounds. And I can buy whatever I need to buy, whether it's here Whether it's there, whether it's been in the bin, and I took it out, you know, it's still worthy. And so that's how we need to see our worth. It's like we matter simply because we exist. Like, the fact that you're breathing means that you are worthy, means that you matter. And that is a choice. Right. I didn't. I wasn't born believing this. I had to make a decision that this is how I'm going to see my worth. I think one thing I really want people to learn from me is that my life and all our lives is a summation of the choices that you make. Yes, that is it. I made a choice that I was going to know that I am worthy. Regardless of what happens to me, of what anyone says, of what I do, I am always worthy. When I make mistakes, I am worthy when I fail, I am worthy when I'm resting, when I'm on the sofa, I'm still worthy. Okay, so that's that. So then we need to redefine productivity. It's about honoring our values. And we have to make wellness one of our values, because wellness is the machine that moves our bodies.

[Courtney]

Come on.

[Tiwa]

If we are not feeling good in ourselves, how are we meant to show up and live out our purpose? And then back to what you said. If a whole big God rested on the seventh day, how much more so us? How much more so us? Me that I'm a small girl in his eyes, you know, like, how much like. And he is all powerful.

[Courtney]

This is it. Us.

[Tiwa]

Without small power, we're not gonna say, oh, I can't rest.

[Renee]

Can't rest.

[Tiwa]

No big things. I'm a hustle hustle. Come on now, let's be serious. Let's be serious.

[Courtney]

And you know what? It's true. Because a lot of. Of why we cannot rest, our lack of rest or our inability to rest is a manifestation of our pride and of our own ego, is of our own. Yeah, and resting is an act of humility because you're honoring the limitations of your humanity as a human being. As much as we are, you know, filled with the Holy Ghost. And we are. We have a supernatural God dwelling on the inside of us. He's still within almost the boundaries of our humanity. Right. Of the fact that this flesh is still flesh. It is still made of dust. Right? And I think it's funny because when the Bible talks about God does not slumber or sleep, he's not a man that he should lie. There's that contrast that brings clarity which is there is a distinction. God is not bound by the things that have bound you, such as your flesh.

[Tiwa]

Right.

[Courtney]

Or such as this human vessel that you're in. So when I'm talking about flesh, it's not the unholy. It's literally just the fact that you are human and even within the Godhead with it. Like Jesus is in a glorified body. Like there is boundaries around him and those boundaries are healthy. When we think about the body and its system and its boundaries, their skin, to keep the blood in. That's a boundary.

[Tiwa]

Right.

[Courtney]

But another boundary that is implemented by God to keep us safe as humans is our reset, our daily reset of, you need to sleep, go to sleep now. And the reason why it's an act of humility is that acknowledges that God is God and I'm not.

[Tiwa]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Because for these eight hours when I'm asleep, I don't know how the universe is gonna run. I don't know how my business is gonna run. I don't know how this house is even gonna be maintained. But I will lay myself to rest.

[Tiwa]

Yes.

[Courtney]

And my hope is that I will wake up tomorrow almost in the form of a resurrection.

[Tiwa]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

My hope is that God would bring me back from something that is like a death to start something afresh and a new.

[Tiwa]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

And a lot of us don't have a humility in our heart. A lot of us are assuming that position of God in our lives because. And we're. We're cosmeticizing it and hiding it under the guise of fear. I'm scared I won't be successful. No. You're prideful because you think your success is down to you.

[Tiwa]

Oh, my God. Right.

[Courtney]

That's what it is like if we get. Let's be real, actually a heart issue of pride. You think that if you take those two weeks. Weeks off to spend time with your family, this business will not survive. As if the business doesn't mean more to God than it does to you.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

As if he wouldn't give you the wisdom to put things in place for it to be sustained whilst you're away pouring into the things you need to pour into and also being poured into by Him.

[Tiwa]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

And so I think if you are dealing with an issue when it comes to rest, it's not just about addressing the fears. It's also about addressing the pride behind the fears that is stopping you from relinquishing control. Because you're not the one who's going to wake yourself up in the morning.

[Tiwa]

It's not you and also crazy how a lot of opportunities have come to my inbox when I've been on holiday. Like, you know, the top 24 entrepreneurs, top 25, which means top 25. I got that email after a spa massage. I was lounging on a deck and I was just like, looking at my phone. I just open it, I just see. Congratulations. I said, huh? I did not apply for anything.

[Courtney]

Nothing.

[Tiwa]

It just came straight to me. My first ever award and I didn't apply. And I received this news while I'm on holiday. Resting, resting, you know, nothing I want to add on. Rest is. Sleep is not the only type of rest. Yes. So there's different types of rest. There's also mental rest. Yes. Right. Because sometimes you think, oh, but I slept, but I'm still feeling. No, because you haven't switched off.

[Renee]

Yes.

[Tiwa]

So mental rest, you know, you need it when your brain feels foggy, when you feel mentally exhausted, you need to step away from the screen. You need to go on a walk. You need to quieten your mind, meditate, read a book, just do something that actually just like, like stills your mind, right? To bring peace. You also have social rest. Sometimes your battery, your social battery is down and you just need to move away from everyone and you need to just take a moment to yourself. On the other hand, sometimes you need to be around your sisters to recharge your battery. Right? Being with your sisterhood is also a form of rest because it's recharging you. Right? And then we also have spiritual rest as well. You know, when you feel like life is there's no purpose, you feel unfulfilled, you need to go back to a place of hope and renew your hope. Right? So whether you're watching a sermon or you're reading scripture or something, you need to do something that renews that hope inside of you. That is spiritual rest. And then my dad added one more, which he subbed at me was financial rest, which is lay your card. Lay your, your bank card is. Your bank card has said it's.

[Renee]

That is so funny.

[Courtney]

Right?

[Tiwa]

That's also financial rest. Not every day. Spend, spend, spend. Sometimes, you know, take a moment and don't spend so much money. Okay? So sleep is not the only type of rest. There's different types of rest. And you, you need to know, okay, what does my body need right now? And then you need to seek that out.

[Courtney]

That's so good.

[Renee]

You know what? I really love that you spoke on the different types of rest as well. Because to me, that points out the fact that we need to live a life where rest is incorporated.

[Tiwa]

Yes.

[Renee]

We often take rest again as something that is a luxury. Or we often wait until we get warning signs to take rest. Right. So for example, burnout in the body. I'm not sleeping, I'm going through it. We need to take more preventative measures as opposed to measures that are simply in response to now warning indicators.

[Tiwa]

Right.

[Renee]

So living a life where rest is actively incorporated in all of those different ways, whether it be the spiritual rest, whether it be the physical rest, all of these things are necessary. And even more so for women as women. Right. There are so many studies that are unfortunately not as popular right now. You know, it's not out there. But even things like sleep, like studies are now saying that women actually need more sleep than men. The national recommended allowance is like 7 to 9 hours. Apparently women need a minimum of 8 to 9 hours up to 10, 11. So even small things like that. Even thinking about working with your reproductive system. Right. There are times within our cycle where, you know, we tend towards having more fatigue, we tend towards being a bit more tired, we tend towards having less productivity. Actually working in tandem with your system and not necessarily seeing it as a punishment, but actually accepting that this is my life and it's okay for me to live a life where rest is incorporated. And I think it's even more important as women that we acknowledge rest.

[Courtney]

Absolutely. And not resenting ourselves for it.

[Tiwa]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Because often it's what you were saying, right, about insecurity doesn't have to be a right of passage.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Sometimes a rite of passage for women is any form of rest is a form of laziness.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

And so you need to kick yourself into hyper productivity. And if you don't hustle culture, it's literally hustle culture, toxic hustle culture. And if you don't, you are to blame for your lack of success.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

You are to blame for the fact that your life is not the happiness that in the bliss that you want it to actually be.

[Tiwa]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

I think a lot of us then resent ourselves. It's that agitation we have with ourselves when we're sick.

[Tiwa]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Right. It's like, oh my gosh, I'm unwell and now I'm forced to rest. My body has picked a day for the rest to happen.

[Tiwa]

Right.

[Courtney]

Now that it's picked that day, I'm now angry with myself.

[Tiwa]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

I now feel like I am unworthy. I now resent my own weakness. Right. And God don't want that for you.

[Tiwa]

No.

[Courtney]

God doesn't want you to be in a. And if there's anything that's going to damage your self confidence, it's resenting yourself and allowing yourself to be so ashamed of your body's limitation. Especially as women in a very hyper productive world and a capitalistic world which really does associate your value with your output and therefore your value is really down to your production. And so if you're unproductive, you're unworthy.

[Tiwa]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

You're unimportant, you're invaluable and that's scary.

[Tiwa]

We challenge that. We have to unlearn that. Now. One of the things like we need to realize is like not everything that society has normalized is meant to be true for us.

[Renee]

Yeah, yeah, right.

[Tiwa]

Because the way society operates, it's about profit, it's about money and power, right? So there are some things that seem normal in society that are not actually meant to be normal, but society has normalized it because it's a machine, capitalism is a machine, right? So we have to be aware not to fall into some of these traps that society has set. Because like we can create our own truth. And if you decide that rest is part of my truth and it is nourishing my body, then you can make decisions on choices that align with that. Like I want our sisters to know that we can live life on our own terms. I always say, your life, your pace, your rules. Right? Your life, your pace, your rules. Just because you see somebody else grinding, grinding, grinding, grinding, grinding doesn't mean that's what you need to be doing, doing. Right. It's so important not to compare yourself to other people in this area and then also realize that it's just maths. You need to fill your cup up before you can give to other people. Yeah, give from your overflow, not from the capacity of your cup. Right? Fill your cup up and whatever is flowing over, share that with the world. Don't give something, you don't have to make somebody else happy because that's just going to build resentment, equipment in you. An analogy I like to think of is imagine if you are driving from London to Manchester, right? And you said, I'm too busy, I can't stop for fuel, I can't put petrol in my car. Just got to keep going because like time, time is money, money's time. And you drive on the motorway, your car is going to break down because our recovery to come, you're going to be in shivering. So you would have set yourself back maybe five hours, but you could have just stopped for 30 minutes, 10 minutes to fill up your tank before starting the journey. And that is how life is as well. Right. When you take 10 minutes to fill up your cup, when you build rest in as part of your, your lifestyle, then you can go longer. But if you just go, go, go, go, go and say, oh, I don't have time for rest. And don't get me wrong, there are seasons when this is my grind season.

[Courtney]

Yes.

[Tiwa]

Like when I first quit my job and I started my business in 2020 and the pandemic is happening and I'm getting cancellation emails left, right and center and you know, I'm only have three months worth of savings and my three months worth is running out. As the pandemic is kicking off, it's like, what? Omo, it's time to grind. My Nigerian side is going to come up because it's like sometimes I have to, I have to, you know, put my foot on the, on the gas. So. But at the same time, you need to know that that is meant to be a season. It is not meant to become your lifestyle. Right. So you can have months, for three months. Okay, I know I'm grinding right now. Some things might have to take a backseat. That's okay. But then you need to know when it's like, okay, this is done now I need to, to get back to, you know, my sense of work life integration.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Tiwa]

Not balance, because balance is almost impossible.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Tiwa]

But integration. And this is what I talk about in my book as well. It's like, it's creativity, wellness, spirituality, impact. I'm weaving everything together like a braid. I'm not trying 50 here, 50 here, because then there's another 50 that I like here and another 50 and I'm like, you know, juggling all of these things. I weave all of it in together like a braid. So that's why I say work life integration instead of work life balance. Because you can have it all, but not at the same time. But you can have a little bit of this, a little bit of this, a little bit of this. And before you know it, you're building a beautiful braid of your life and you're bringing all the key values that you like. You don't have to sacrifice one value because you're trying to get 50% here and 50 there. Because we're multifaceted, you know, like, life is so dynamic. It's impossible to just say, oh, I'm balancing two things. No, we're balancing like a million. A million things. Right. So it's like, okay, how can I weave in a Bit of this, weave in a bit of this, weave in a bit of this. And then that's how you make rest a part of your lifestyle. That's so good.

[Courtney]

That is so good. And it's even what you said about discerning the season. Right. Because sometimes. Yeah, I've been there. Season of grinding. Been there.

[Tiwa]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

It's not fun. Yeah, it's. And it becomes even less fun when you forget that it's temporary. But then there's also seasons for rest, which also means rest must come to an end, and you must kick yourself back into work mode.

[Tiwa]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

In a healthy, integrated way. So thank you so much for sharing that. I'm telling you, one of my favorite people to listen to.

[Tiwa]

No. Genuinely? No.

[Renee]

Excited.

[Courtney]

Honestly. Well, jeez, this. This conversation can go several places, but honestly, you're going to have to come back for a party.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Tiwa]

Like, is it time already?

[Courtney]

Can you imagine? It's crazy, right?

[Renee]

Can you actually imagine Crazy.

[Tiwa]

But wait, we still have. It's crazy.

[Courtney]

But you're not leaving, Jesse, because we need you to leave the sisters with a nugget of wisdom.

[Renee]

A little something from your heart.

[Courtney]

Because I'm starting with. To my sisters.

[Tiwa]

Okay. Can. Can I go on a little bit?

[Courtney]

Of course.

[Tiwa]

Okay.

[Renee]

Yeah. As the spirit leads.

[Tiwa]

Okay. Okay. To my sisters. Your work is never wasted. All work works. You will go through seasons in life where it feels like work. Life is working on you instead of working for you. When life is working on your character, when things are not going according to plan and you feel lost and you're not sure how to make things happen, I want you to know that that is life working on you. That is life working on your character. That is life molding you into the amazing, resilient, and strong woman that you are going to be. And sometimes you're going to be in a season where life is working for you. When things are easy and there's ease and it's going smoothly and you're getting all the accolades and the success. And you have to realize that life happens in seasons. So if you are in a season of waiting, don't be disheartened. Know that that season is building something important in you. It is building something exciting. Ask yourself, what can I learn in this season? Ask yourself, how am I going to surprise myself in this season? What greatness is going to come out of me in this season? So remember that you are always worthy. You matter simply because you exist. And life is going to take you on a roller coaster. There will be seasons. And when you're in a season when life is working on you instead of when life is working for you. Stay in the game. Keep showing up. Keep trusting God. Because with time, everything will come to fruition. Love you.

[Courtney]

Oh, that was so beautiful. All work, work.

[Tiwa]

All work, work. Yeah, because sometimes, you know, we feel like, is this is pointless. What am I even doing? We're on our journey. Change is not easy. It's not, you know, change is not easy. And the seed has to go down before you see anything on the surface.

[Renee]

Absolutely.

[Tiwa]

So be prepared that on this journey of life, as you're growing towards your confidence, you're not going to see results immediately. Sometimes triggers and traumas will still come up, but it's working. You just have to be patient and trust the process.

[Courtney]

Oh, you are a gem. You are actually a whole truth.

[Tiwa]

Thank you.

[Renee]

Hashtag part 2.

[Tiwa]

I'm ready whenever you are.

[Courtney]

But you are actually a part of the sisterhood.

[Renee]

Literally. No, genuinely like.

[Courtney]

Yeah, we'll be calling on you.

[Tiwa]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

And be sure to get a copy of Tiwa's book. Honestly, if you haven't touched in any way or thought, this girl's really spitting bars. There's many more. There is more and it's good. Pick up Tiwa's book, Confident and Killing it. And also check out her organization, Confident and Killing it, and book her to speak.

[Tiwa]

Yeah, yeah.

[Courtney]

Because what she's done, she can do it in person.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Oh, follow T everywhere. And of course you can follow the sisterhood to my sisterhood on all social media platforms. And be sure to sign up to the mailing list on our website to my sisters dot com.

[Renee]

And of course, please come and follow us individually. You can follow my wonderful, wonderful, wonderful bestie at CD Barteng. And of course you can follow me over at Renee Kafuku.

[Courtney]

We love to see it. While sisters, we hope that you've been enjoyed this episode. We'll see you in our next one.

[Renee]

And as always, keep glowing and growing.

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