Why Are Christian Husbands Embarassing Their Wives Online? Let's Talk Privacy, Patriarchy & Power

Summary

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Podcast Summary: To My Sisters

Episode: Why Are Christian Husbands Embarrassing Their Wives Online? Let's Talk Privacy, Patriarchy & Power
Hosts: Courtney Daniella Boateng & Renée Kapuku
Date: October 26, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this candid and passionate episode, Courtney and Renée return from a podcast hiatus and dive straight into a growing online trend: Christian (and non-Christian) husbands embarrassing their wives online, and the broader implications for privacy, patriarchy, and power in modern marriages—especially those placed in the spotlight of social media. They reflect on transparency vs. oversharing, who carries the burden of public marital mistakes, and how women can reclaim their power and redefine what it means to be cherished within a relationship.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Personal Updates & Reflections on Sisterhood

• Courtney's Milestones: Courtney shares joyful updates about her wedding and buying a house ([02:23]–[05:54]), underscoring the importance of sisterhood, family support, and community during transitions.
  • "I think the whole process showed me the beauty of sisterhood... wow, I am loved. I am really loved." — Courtney [07:16]
• The hosts reflect on the transformative power of love, deep friendships, and the personal growth interwoven into marriage.

2. Listener Dilemma: Faith & Relationship Compatibility

• A listener dilemma explores dating across different stages of faith ([13:00]–[27:54]).
  • Courtney recounts her own experience leaving a relationship for her faith:
    "I literally told him, 'I'm leaving you for Jesus.'" — Courtney [20:29]
• The hosts stress the necessity of alignment in faith-based relationships and the sacrificial aspect of spiritual growth—even if it means letting go of a good relationship.
  • "You want to be drawn closer to him. So…if you do end up leaving, you have to be content with your deeper relationship with Christ and not necessarily have your eyes on the hill for this man that's gonna come." — Courtney [21:36]
• Renée cautions against self-righteousness when choosing faith over romance and reminds listeners of the importance of humility and compassion for former partners.

3. The Rise (and Risks) of Relationship Transparency Online

• Courtney and Renée critically discuss why so many relationships—particularly Christian marriages—are shared online, and the backlash this transparency can bring ([28:24]–[66:56]).
• Courtney observes:
  • "If you share something about yourself, people have that information about you. Privacy is so important. The Bible tells us we should aspire to live a quiet life." — Courtney [35:07]
  • "What causes the outrage…is knowing that, knowing the patriarchal society that we live in, it is a husband's duty to cover his wife." — Courtney [39:29]
• Key points include:
  • Women often bear the brunt of public marital issues, even when the husband's actions are at fault.
  • Oversharing for “ministry” can be premature if your marriage isn’t strong enough to withstand scrutiny:
    • "Work on the ministry of your marriage before you birth a marriage ministry." — Courtney [49:09]
  • The danger of using marriage as an idol or social proof instead of prioritizing its quality and health.
  • Social media can be a hostile environment, and unfiltered honesty doesn’t always serve couples or viewers well:
    • "There are some things that are just too raw to be digested on the internet." — Renée [46:20]
    • "We can't just expect that whatever we put out will be digested well." — Renee [47:06]

4. Patriarchy, Power, and Protective Partnership

• Courtney flips the narrative, insisting that the quality of a marriage is reflected by the character of the man, not the performance of the wife ([60:24]–[64:25]):
  • "The quality of a marriage is displayed in the character of the man and not the performance of the wife... I can go out and say my husband is the best man ever, but if that man is standing on a street corner telling, stealing, destroying and killing, I ain’t got nothing." — Courtney [60:24]
  • "Your job [as a husband] is to make sure that your wife is covered... especially when you're stepping into the limelight." — Courtney [39:29]
• Both hosts urge women to recognize their value and stop internalizing responsibility for the image of their marriage:
  • "I have never seen a crown polish itself. That man needs to get to work to make sure you are representative of the type of man he actually is. You are the measure of the manner of man that man is." — Courtney [63:03]
  • "You absolutely cannot afford to be with somebody that takes lightly the name of his wife." — Renée [60:08]

5. Accountability, Social Commentary, and the Call for Change

• The hosts call out deflection of critique and the trope of 'everyone’s just jealous':
  • "If the world is the ones critiquing you based on standards that are in your Bible, that proves they know a little something more than you. Oh, and that should cause you to be a bit worried." — Courtney [56:48]
• They point out how faith often becomes conflated with patriarchal control and misplaced standards, and urge Christian couples to be cautious about what they present, and to accept pruning (critique) as part of spiritual growth:
  • "As soon as you shift your mind to believe 'I am the prize'... you are the prize. — Courtney [63:03]

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• Courtney on Transparency:
  "People cannot stand the oversharing anymore because, especially because it makes the woman look bad. Even if it's the man that's displaying the bad behavior, it's the woman that looks bad because she's the one who has been either embarrassed, thrown under the bus..." [35:48]

• Renée on Media & Accountability:
  "I believe a lot of people, we just need media training. I don't know what happened to having publicists, media training... There's some things that are just too raw to be digested on the Internet." [46:20]

• On the "Jealousy" Defense:
  "If the world is the ones critiquing you based on standards that are in your Bible, that proves they know a little something more than you..." — Courtney [56:48]

• On Marriage & Patriarchy:
  "We have misconstrued because of decades and decades of subliminal teaching that God just desires for us to be married and that he doesn't care about the condition of our marriage." — Courtney [54:35]

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Key Timestamps

• Major Life Updates & Sisterhood Reflection: [02:23]–[07:40]
• Listener Dilemma: Interfaith Relationships: [13:00]–[27:54]
• Main Topic Intro (Christian Husbands Embarrassing Wives Online): [28:24]
• Courtney on Privacy & Public Scrutiny: [35:07]–[39:29]
• Patriarchy and Public Image: [39:29]–[44:15]
• Renée on Media Training & Oversharing: [46:20]
• Marriage as Ministry—Too Soon?: [49:09]–[53:09]
• Defending the "Jealousy" Narrative & Internalized Patriarchy: [54:02]–[59:17]
• Holding Men Accountable, Women as "Crown": [60:24]–[64:25]

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Tone & Style

As always, Courtney and Renée deliver their message with warmth, authenticity, wit, and a clear sense of sisterhood. They challenge toxic norms, make space for accountability, and encourage their listeners with practical wisdom, humor, and deep faith.

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Final Thoughts

This episode is a must-listen for anyone considering how much of their personal life to share online, especially in faith communities. The hosts compellingly argue for discernment, demand accountability, and uplift women to see themselves as worthy of honor and care—in private and public alike.

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“Ladies, we desire for you to be in a healthy and happy relationship or marriage that aligns with God's will for you. His perfect will. Maybe you are God's last born daughter. You are a princess. And you need to treat yourself like it. Don't let society speak you out of that.” — Courtney [66:04]

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Transcript

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[Courtney]

You'Re now listening to a podcast of two married kids.

[Renee]

We left the podcast for a mere few weeks and calamity and class happened. From did EBN centers to Christian hospitals.

[Courtney]

If you share something about yourself, people have that information about you. Yeah, the Bible tells us we should aspire. You have to live a quiet life. I told you, we have an agenda. It will not be me that you disgrace.

[Renee]

We can't just expect that, you know, whatever we put out will be digested.

[Courtney]

Well, no matter what your husband comes online to do, it's all eyes on you.

[Renee]

There's a compulsion to share everything under the umbrella term of calling.

[Courtney]

But are we? If that man's penis is constantly in somebody else, I will allow you to wear me as a crown. And the condition of your crown is what will help people to know the nature of king. You are.

[Renee]

Please, guys, hear me when I say this.

[Courtney]

Hello and welcome to the To My Sisters podcast. I'm Courtney.

[Renee]

And I'm Renee. And we are your online sisters and hosts of the To My Sisters podcast.

[Courtney]

We are all about promoting the wellness, growth and development of a community of sisters around the world.

[Renee]

And in today's podcast episode, we're gonna be talking about the trend of Christian, non Christian, whatever religion it is that you are.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

Of the husbands embarrassing their wives.

[Courtney]

Very sad. It's very, very sad. So, sisters. Yeah, we took a little bit of.

[Renee]

A hiatus from the Internet. Yeah. Yeah, we took a little bit of a break from the Internet and we have come back to an influx of nonsense. And before we get into all of that excitement, I believe we have some.

[Courtney]

Some news.

[Renee]

Some breaking. Some breaking. Some. Some bricking.

[Courtney]

I got married. I got married.

[Renee]

Yeah, I got married up on Tuesday afternoon.

[Courtney]

Bubble rings out crazy. I got married on the 20th of September.

[Renee]

Come on, come on, come on, come on.

[Courtney]

Had my traditional wedding.

[Renee]

Come on, come on, come on.

[Courtney]

My husband, I love him.

[Renee]

Let me get that out early.

[Courtney]

Yeah, I love him. And I think the fact that I love him was so evident by the amount of tears I was shedding around my wedding period. And J. Genuinely, I feel. I feel like this break was so needed. Like we had my bridal shower, which was just. My bridal shower was out of this world. Like, in terms of the love in the room, the emotions, the. My mum was there, all my friends were there, my family was there. It was just so beautiful.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

And then, yeah, bridal shower. I'm not. Bridal shower.

[Renee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Courtney]

Hendy was lovely. I had my Bridgerton themed afternoon tea.

[Renee]

As you do. As you do.

[Courtney]

Literally. Guys, you know that quote that says, to be loved is to be known?

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

I am known. I am so known. It was so me. It was so me. Just the afternoon tea right by Tower Bridge, which is right where I got engaged. It. It was just so perfect.

[Renee]

Everything I want.

[Courtney]

Shout out to the bridal squad. Shout out to my matron of honor. Shout out to my maid of honor, Shout out to my bridesmaids. All of you guys, all 10 of y' all made it so special. So special. And I'm so grateful. And then, yeah, my wedding day came around and it was just a fun time. Like in true Ghanaian fashion, it was running late. As a time sensitive babe, my feelings were in the roof. Anxiety was rising, rising with every minute. But the people, them held it down. Coordinators, caterers, decorator, mua hairstyle, everyone was on job and on point that day. And I think the amount of favor that I experienced during my wedding process and the community and people being around me, I just couldn't be stressed that day. Like, it was just such a fun day. And yeah, now married. She got the wedding glow.

[Renee]

Got a marriage glow.

[Courtney]

Marriage glow. I've been in my little honeymoon phase. About to go on the honeymoon soon period. And then bought a house. Bought a house. Homeowner. We made it.

[Renee]

Guys, if you're listening, if you're listening to this podcast, wherever you are in the world, it's giving. Let's tap into the. The Hallelujah challenge.

[Courtney]

No. When I say answered prayers of 2025. We actually closed on our home purchase in August. Yeah, August 4th. It's funny, the day before your wedding is when I found out that our offer had been accepted. Literally just three days after we had viewed the property. And we were the first people to view the property. And so to just know that we got it and your girl's a homeowner with my Herbie. It's so. Yeah, this period has been me soaking in everything, just being grateful for. For milestones, community, family as well. Like, I think this period really brought me closer to my mom and it had the potential to bring me further apart from my family because People, People be crazy. People crazy. But genuinely, every single one of my family members, it brought me closer to them. Like my mom, my dad, my sister. My sister showed up for me in ways I could not imagine. Like, she has. As in, guys, if I tell you the deep story time, I'm thinking about actually recording a story time about it.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Why did I have any of my dresses until about maybe 30 minutes before I was meant to step out in them? This is not day before. This is. I don't have the dress.

[Renee]

No, no, no, guys, like when I say the stress and strain, because Courtney is there, she's living her best life. She's enjoying, enjoying, enjoying. But the dress that she's about to wear immediately after this enjoyment period, which.

[Courtney]

One the babe did, I don't have it yet. And you know what? It's actually, it is no one's fault. It is no one's fault. It is not the fault of any of my seamstresses or dressmakers. Like, everyone. I can't wait to share my vendors. And just my experience with each one was amazing. It was just the way the cards fell. I don't, I don't know how to. I actually don't know how else to describe it. It was the sequence of events, which just meant the night before, I'm sleeping at one of my seamstress house and she's up when I say she was up. Like, I don't think she caught a wink of sleep over two days. Like, shout out to Auntie Jackie. She really came through for me. Shout out to Sarah Boidu. Like, all of my dresses were, were amazing, fantastic, but they were a huge cause of stress. But my sister was literally running around London getting it all sorted for me and making sure I was having a good time. And I just. Yeah, I think the whole process showed me the beauty of sisterhood. Like, just reflecting on the, the beautiful friendships I had with each of my bridesmaids individually. But then all of the friends that actually came, like my friend Jade flew in from Canada to make sure she was there and she literally flew out like a couple of days later and it was just like, wow, I am loved. I am really loved. And then just reflecting on my journey with Kelvin and just being like, wow, this man is an answered prayer. But he really loves me, guys. He really loves me, guys.

[Renee]

Like, the love is greedy. Like when I say that day. Yeah, no, it's actually even greedy. All for one person. I said, wow, this is how, you know when people say covenantal relationships and we're going to get into covenant relationships.

[Courtney]

You.

[Renee]

But the experience of even seeing you as my friend, loved. Well, like, love to the point of wow. This is an overflow blessing. Was such a privilege. Like, ah, guys, I've never seen somebody this happy to marry somebody.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

Like, the joy on this guy's face from the beginning to the end. Listen, even me, there were some times where I'm like, I'm stressed, Mikhail, smile. This guy, no matter what it was, this man was smiling. And then in the evening, smiling. Yeah, it was. Even as we were going home. Guys, it was the. The ass crack of the evening. It's time to go home. The ass crack of the evening. Time to go home. Pack it. You know when you're packing that big bag and everything, you're going, come and see. Oh, we're going to say bye now. This guy's playing the piano and Courtney is there, like, just across the piano. Like, the most beautiful body that she was looking like. Yeah, even that. Anyways, we.

[Courtney]

That is so fun.

[Renee]

I'll let you have your moment to record everything because we need the deeds gu.

[Courtney]

Yeah, like, it was a. It was a beautiful day and Courtney looked fant.

[Renee]

Like, when I say you guys are not ready, like, you've seen snippets and stuff and it's like, oh, yeah, I saw it in the stories. I saw the highlights and stuff. Oh, I saw the.

[Courtney]

You know, for.

[Renee]

When I say the album that's coming.

[Courtney]

Oh, no, we thank God. We thank God the people. Everyone came through. I. I felt pretty.

[Renee]

I felt beautiful. Pretty.

[Courtney]

Understatement. This was gorgeous.

[Renee]

When I say breathtaking. Beauty was smiling. Every look he saw.

[Courtney]

Just.

[Renee]

I loved it.

[Courtney]

Just.

[Renee]

How do you feel? Just.

[Courtney]

No, I loved it. I loved it. And genuinely, like, I'm so grateful. Thank you for everything. Like a pleasure. What I'm telling you, Renee has baked. She has coordinated, she has shouted at people. She literally. She has done everything to protect my piece. I'm so grateful. I'm so grateful. And now here we are. You're now listening to a podcast of two married women. Don't worry, it doesn't change anything.

[Renee]

And we're gonna talk about that in another episode. Oh, it's not gonna change a single Gad death. In fact, these men.

[Courtney]

The agenda is even more strong. Must fall. It must crumble. It's stronger now. It's stronger. Our agenda has been fortified.

[Renee]

Yeah. We have a list of things to go through, starting with this one, so.

[Courtney]

But, yeah, that's the big update. And sisters, thank you for your patience whilst we've been away. Like, we've been doing this podcast for five years. Literally, next month, November, makes it five years, actually. Crazy. Five years, and in its fifth year. So much of our life has changed. Like, it's crazy. And I think we just needed to take a breath, like, just a step away to just breathe. And thank you for your patience and your support and your love. Like, the amount of messages, prayers, like, even reaching out to be like, can I do this for you? Can I do that for you? Like, this really is a sisterhood. And just thank you. Thank you so much.

[Renee]

God bless you guys.

[Courtney]

God bless you guys. Any other housekeeping announcements? Can we announce that we're. I think we can announce by the GUAP Gala, you know?

[Renee]

You know, whilst we were away.

[Courtney]

While we were away, they said, listen, you deserve an award. So hopefully you see us looking good at the GUAP Pop Gala.

[Renee]

Nobody wants to help us out.

[Courtney]

Literally. Guys, God, as we speak to you, we need a gown. We need two gowns. If anybody knows anybody who can make two gowns in three weeks. If you or your mom or somebody. Two girls is three weeks, 21 days. Please, I will not try to hear no nothing stop me. Please help us. We beg of you.

[Renee]

We beg of you in the name of God.

[Courtney]

Somebody come and help us, because we will show up there. It will be asos. They are actually a partnership with asos. Shout out to asos, but it'll be asos.

[Renee]

Sisters, if you're even listening to this and you work at ASOS and you don't even email the hello contact, please.

[Courtney]

But, yeah, that's very exciting. Very, very exciting. The podcast is. The podcast is moving, man. And genuinely, as we step into five years, like year five, it's only gonna go bigger.

[Renee]

Amen to that, man.

[Courtney]

Like refreshed. Refreshed. Fresh vision. And then we move.

[Renee]

Then we move, man. Yeah, it's crazy. Anyway, we're gonna do a full reflection, break down all of that kind of stuff towards the end of the year, so don't miss out. But in true TMS fashion, would it be TMS if we didn't start with a dilemma?

[Courtney]

I don't think so.

[Renee]

After much bullying.

[Courtney]

I will not forget how you've been bul us to bring this back.

[Renee]

Yeah, I think about it. But you know what? Your prayers have been answered.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

For real.

[Courtney]

So. Yeah.

[Renee]

Hey, sisters.

[Courtney]

Hey, sweetie.

[Renee]

First, I just want to say I love your content.

[Courtney]

Love you too.

[Renee]

Your podcast has been a huge inspiration in my faith journey. I grew up Catholic, but never really practiced until recently. Literally same core memory. Over the past few months, I've been reading the Bible, joining studies, and getting involved in my church community. I feel deeply drawn to Jesus. I want to learn what it means to live as a Christian. Here's my dilemma. As my faith has grown, my views on love and marriage have shifted. I feel called to pursue a relationship that aligns with biblical values. But I'm currently with my boyfriend who doesn't share the same outlook. He's a former practicing Christian, still knows scripture well, and has been incredibly supportive of my journey. He's honestly an amazing partner and has stood by me through tough times. Still, I'm unsure if his views will ever align with mine. And I feel torn between honoring my faith and continuing this relationship. How do I navigate this tension without hurting him while staying true to where I feel God is leading me?

[Courtney]

Oh, good question. I've actually been in a similar predicament.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

And it is not fun. It is not fun. Like, especially when you know you have a good partner. Like a partner that is good to. Oh, sorry. Especially when you know you have a partner that is. Is good to you.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Like on paper it made it online, but in practice it's a great time. And I think I completely resonate with that. Kind of like I'm torn.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

I don't want to hurt him. Also don't want to lose a good person. But also this might not be what I want anymore. And I think as women, we need to embrace that. Our wants and needs will change. Yeah. And sometimes it changes whilst you're with the person. And the closer you get to God, your wants and your needs do change. Your desires do change. And I think wanting somebody who has faith values and faith beliefs and practices that are aligned with you is one of those things that becomes a non negotiable.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

And I think right now you're doing the negotiation. But the truth of the matter is, if this is something that is important to you, having a partner who is a practicing Christian or a practicing Catholic.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

You can't, you can't compromise on it because it affects so many things. Whilst he may, you know, like you mentioned, he used to be a Christian and he still knows the word. It doesn't necessarily mean that the word governs his life.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Right. And that's essentially what faith, our faith journey kind of demands in some way. When you are a Christian, the word of God governs your life and you try to follow it. It doesn't mean you're perfect, but you try to follow it as Much as possible, when you have that personal relationship with God, if he doesn't have that, it's going to be very difficult for you. Because as much as he may know scripture, there is a big part of your life that you no longer have in common with Him. There's also the thing of in the future, if it is that you want children, is he going to be happy with them being raised as Christians? Yeah. Is he going to be happy with that? And I think it's really exploring, like how would that impact you if he said, I don't want our children to go to church, for example, I don't want that to be enforced upon them because that's not a huge value for him.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Or if he does say, I actually don't mind, how would you feel knowing that your partner doesn't go to church with you and your family? I think there's also a desire in, in at junctions like this to kind of have the hope and the faith that he will come onto your side. Right. And oh, maybe he'll refind his faith and we pray that he does. But that's not necessarily your responsibility.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

To, to turn him into that.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

It's also not fair on him to be rushed into a decision that he may not want to make. And it's also not fair on you to be hopeful for something that may never come. And so I think whilst you may have faith and you pray for a brother, a sister, a friend, someone you love to be saved and to refine Christ, in this, in this instance, it's not something you can bank your entire future on. So what I would say is I would have an honest conversation with him about where you're at and the fact that especially if he's been a good partner to you, I'd like to believe that he's a friend, like a friend first. And considering he's also gone through a faith journey where somebody has been a Christian and then is no longer a practicing Christian.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

They have a very complex and oftentimes very nuanced view of faith in a way that allows you to have certain conversations with them without it seeming very outrageous. And dare I say, sometimes it's way more welcoming and open minded compared to somebody who is religious and you're telling them that you're no longer becoming, you're no longer following that faith. When it's on the flip side, I find that the non religious person actually kind of hears out a bit more. So I think if you can have that conversation with him and be like Hey, I don't know if you noticed, but you know, your girls went out here getting closer to Jesus. And this has now become something that's really important for me. And as I'm navigating this, I've realized that my desire is for the both of us to be on this journey together. And I know it's not something that you're really on, but it's been really on my mind as to whether this. There is now this kind of compatibility still.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

I do still love you and it's even complicated in my heart. But I think I might need to take a bit of a step back.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

From this. I would still like a friendship if there's opportunity for that to be there. But this has now become a non negotiable. And I think it's important for you to never settle at any point in your life, especially when you had the opportunity to make a choice. And you have an opportunity at this juncture to make a choice. And if you do get to a point where it's like you don't make that choice because, hey, you want that companionship.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

It might not even be because you're lonely. It might not be because, hey, you're desperate to get married or anything like that, but because you know the future you want, then this is the time for you to make a choice that aligns with that future that you want as much as it's going to cost you something. When I became saved at the end of 2015, nearly 10 years, which is insane, I was dating somebody and he was a Muslim. So it's not the same situation, but he was a Muslim. And a couple of months after, whilst we had been dating and I had been kind of going on this Christian journey, I felt this strong conviction that this cannot work. Right. Not because he's a bad person. Like I said, he was amazing. Loved him as a person.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Not because he's not a good person, but the more I thought about the future I wanted in Christ. Yeah. Not necessarily the wife I wanted to be, the mother I wanted to be, but the life I wanted to have in him, devoted to him. I realized I couldn't be with somebody who wouldn't get it and also wasn't in it.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

You know, and so I said, okay, God, at the end of the day, I have to sacrifice this thing. And there was no promise of anyone. There was no other prospect to. There was nobody around. There was Larry, a text message. I said, whoa, we have to make a sacrifice. And I broke up with him. And I literally told him, I'm leaving you. This was like a couple days after Valentine's Day. Oh. And I literally told him, I'm leaving you for Jesus. Yeah. It was so cheesy. It was so corded. But that was the only way I could articulate what was happening.

[Renee]

Like, genuinely, can you imagine receiving the text message? So I'm leaving you.

[Courtney]

Yeah, no, no, it was over the phone. And I was just like. He was just like, like, why? What's up? And I was just like, it's Jesus.

[Renee]

Literally, it's that Jesus.

[Courtney]

Yeah, it's. It's Jesus. And like this is. And it's very different because it's often, let's get into a whole thing, but it's easy for you to convince yourself. Well, our morals align.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

You know, our values align. Okay. But our faith does not. In fact, faith is the core part. And so faith for me guides the morals, it guides the values. And so if it. If we don't have that same anchor, if we don't have that same guiding style, it's going to be really difficult.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

And he understood. And the relationship ended then and there. I was then single for seven years. And I wanted you say that specifically because I think it's easy to think you'll make a sacrifice and then you'll be rewarded straight away.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

It doesn't work like that. Sometimes the reward is literally having a deeper, closer relationship with God. God. That's literally it. It's not another man. Why you gotta say it like that? Because, you know, I know you're thinking your man of God is right around the corner and he might be. He actually might be. You might not be single for very long. Everyone's situation is different. The story God is writing with your life is very different.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

However, I just want to get out of our head that the. The reward for sacrificing your relationship is another perfect relationship when actually you're sacrificing the relationship because you want more of God.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Right. And so more of God. Reward. You want to be drawn closer to him. So I just want to manage your expectation that if you do end up leaving, you have to be content with your deeper relationship with Christ and not necessarily have your eyes on the hill for this man that's gonna come on, you know, knight and shining arm on that white horse to come and redeem you, Bride of Christ. That's not how it works. That's how it works. So, yes, sis, I said a lot in that, but I hope that in there somewhere is Something for you. I think you know what you need to do or what you want to do, but you're scared to make the choice, but you need to do something that chooses your future. Yeah, but what do you think?

[Renee]

Of course, I think you articulated it brilliantly. To be fair, this has been inside her. Her back inside the prayer purse. I love it. But no, I completely agree with you, man. I think it's one of those ones where you know what you need to do, but sometimes you just need the affirmation that it's the right decision. And I think being a Christian, as much as it's become very popularized right now, it's a radical thing. Is a radical thing. And the closer you get to God, the more and more you're drawn out of things that cause separation from God. And I think the only real thing that I would add to that is I would caution not to become self righteous in that separation because I think sometimes when we are obedient to the Lord, or sometimes when we're like, oh, you know, I'm following my faith and all that kind of stuff, it can be easy to become prideful as a result of you obeying.

[Courtney]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Renee]

But the funny thing is obedience is literally the minimum. Yeah, the minimum that we can do as believers. And so I would caution against it letting you become a self righteous person or a prideful person, even in that, that separation. I think the way you articulated, handling the separation was very mature, very humble as well, which I think is important because ultimately, even in you deciding, actually, I'm gonna go full throttle on my faith, that's planting a seed. Yeah. And yeah, I love what you had said around the complexities of someone that was previously a believer and is now a non believer for, you know, a whole bunch of reasons that can, you know, be the case for a lot of people. That can be a lot of people. And I think that is also the experience of a lot of people, right, Coming from an environment where they're very hot for Christ or coming from an environment where they're very religious and then yet they, you know, become cold for a whole multitude of reasons. So it is being sensitive to not just you allowing God to move in your life, but also potentially allowing God to move in his life too, and using it as an opportunity to actually, okay, I'm gonna go deeper in my faith, but in our relationship, whatever it may look like on the other side, I also do want the best for you. I still care about you, I still love you. And making sure that your ego is completely dead when you are going about this because it's easy for that to that thing to just rear up when you are, you know, I'm following Christ. I'm doing all the Christly things. You know, I'm becoming a kid closer with God. I'm on my journey. I'm on my journey. Especially in today's day and age. I think it is a very brave thing to do as well. It's a hard thing to do because you want it. Let's. Let's actually be real, like to be with a good man, especially in 2025, it feels like a dime a dozen.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

It feels very, very hard.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

And it is accepting that not only will you not necessarily have a perfect relationship straight away, but also the person that you are pining for or waiting for, they may not be perfect too. And that's okay. Like, I think sometimes we can have this ideal or this idealized, like, you know, understanding of like, oh, God is bringing me a man. And of course he is bringing a man. That is great for you. But the goal isn't necessarily the relationship. The goal isn't the perfect man. The goal is, as you mentioned, actually having a deeper relationship with God. And it's beautiful that you've had this prompting and it's beautiful that you're actually in a place where you want to obey. It's. It's hard to get to that place because so many of us feel the promptings. But the gap between us hearing it and doing it can sometimes be quite a golf to. To overcome. So I definitely agree. I think it's one of them ones where you have to have a honest conversation and say, hey, sir, I love ya. But this has come up.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

And to accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior means that we have to accept that he's Lord and savior over this element of our life as well. That's good. And this is probably the beginning for you. He's probably been rearranging your life small, small in different areas. But when, like, faith is not something that can be sidelined easily. When you deeply, when you have a deep conviction, it starts to rearrange your life around it as opposed to it being something that you do on the side. And so it's natural for there to be a little bit of like, discomfort. Dysregulation changes once you start to bring things into order. So yeah, I would say have the conversation humbly, meekly, in, in all love, as much love as you can give appropriate love. Don't be doing that, you know, that closure thing. Nah, nah, come on, let's be real, man. Especially as a good man, you'd be like, oh, let me get. Let me get something for the road.

[Courtney]

You do not need anything for the road.

[Renee]

Have the conversation in public. In fact, don't be going to anybody's house. You know what the Bible says about.

[Courtney]

Those kind of things.

[Renee]

Hey, I'm just keeping it real, man, because you know that closure conversations. Pack your little bag overnight bag to do closure conversation. But, sis, I believe in you, man. I believe that you can. You can.

[Courtney]

You can do all of that, this journey.

[Renee]

But yeah, sending lots of love. And I know that there's probably a whole bunch of sisters that have been through it, going through it like it's hard, especially when it comes to romantic relationships, to believe in God for a man to believe in God for a covenant partnership. And sometimes we can settle with good. But then is good God enough. So, yeah, sending lots of love, sis.

[Courtney]

Love, love, love.

[Renee]

But ladies, please comment down below. What are your thoughts? Have you been in an interfaith relationship? What's the vibe? Where are we at? Do you have any pearls of wisdom that you can share with our good sis? Please drop it like it's hot in the comments below in YouTube, Spotify, y' all have comments there, which is very exciting. So comment, comment, comment. And rate us 5 stars. I know we wait till the end and we ain't been around for a minute, but just a bit of five stars. Thank you. That's our mid roll. Mid roll ad to the topic at hand.

[Courtney]

To the topic at hand.

[Renee]

Mrs. CJ. So it seems that you went and got married.

[Courtney]

LOL. And where is this action going?

[Renee]

Don't worry.

[Courtney]

Where is this going?

[Renee]

Sit in the train. We're going. Don't worry.

[Courtney]

We're going. Going. We're going.

[Renee]

You went and got married. We took a pause from tms.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

Whilst we were doing the pause, many things. Many things were happening, Right. We left the podcast for a mere few weeks and calamity and class happened from did EBN sentence to Christian hospice. We've had a.

[Courtney]

It's a lot of.

[Renee]

A lot of things. You know what I was thinking of? I was thinking of that guy, the Nigerian chief of staff that we were laughing. Oh, yeah. Political of aa.

[Courtney]

Astronomical. Literally of the most diabolical kind. It's been a tough couple of weeks.

[Renee]

It's been a melting. Right. It's been a melting pot. And a trend, if you will, or something that has cropped up, unfortunately, has been this repeated brand of not just Christian relationships, I think relationships in general. But I, I do think that there's been a particular spotlight on Christian relationships within this conversation around divulging information around your relationship with the Internet. And unfortunately the Internet not taking it.

[Courtney]

The best of ways.

[Renee]

So I kind of wanted to start with that actually to open the conversation in terms of our relationship. Now with hearing about relationships on the Internet. Right. A lot of people come on social media, podcasts, all sorts of things to share their relationship. The ins, the outs, they're transparent, they're vulnerable. Heck, we do it. Yeah. But.

[Courtney]

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[Renee]

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[Renee]

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[Courtney]

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[Renee]

To what end? And talk to me a little bit about the utility of that first and foremost, because I think we've actually gotten to a point where a lot of people, people are villainizing, like being transparent online and in public. Right. So speak to me about the importance of sharing, I guess, you know, relationships, especially close relationships, typically romantic relationships online. And why do you think that at this particular time there's been such a vehement and. No, because it's been vehement. There has been such a resistance.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

To hearing the ins and outs and the inner workings of relationships on the Internet right now.

[Courtney]

There's a lot to it, I think. First of all, I love to observe stuff like this. Right. Not because I like it happening, but I think it, it allows us to see where people's head is at.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Especially their view towards marriage, which is a core part of society.

[Renee]

That's good.

[Courtney]

Right. So I think number one, to contextualize and caveat all of this as well or to, to give a disclaimer. Yeah. This is not about anyone in specifically because I think as Christians, it's very easy for us to sometimes sit on a high horse or to just join in the bandwagon of critique when actually I think there's a bigger picture here. That we should really be looking at. I think one, a lot of Christians do not realize how much much they have to some degree, weaponized marriage against people.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Right. So for a lot. And I'm, I know a lot of Christian girls, but also women of many faiths can actually, especially if it's patriarchal in nature, can relate to the fact that marriage has been put on such a pedestal for us and our life experience.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

That it has to some degree become an idol for a lot of women. And I think a lot of women are doing the work to decenter men. A lot of women are doing the work to stop idolizing marriage. But oftentimes we see the long term subconscious effects of the idolatry play out in the public square.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

And I think what we are seeing is a lot of men get away with bad behavior, but because, hey, I'm married, it's like, but marriage isn't the trophy we need us. We need if we are going to display marriage first and foremost. I think the reason why people want to create content online of marriages is they want to, they want people to see that Christian marriages can be fun.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

They can be holy. They can be good.

[Renee]

Exactly.

[Courtney]

They want to be examples and that. And I think people despise that. But that's literally what the Internet is like in the area of content creation. That's what an influencer is. It is somebody who depicts an image of something so that people can look at it and say, hey, that's a positive example for me. Or that's the suggestion for me, or that's advice that I want to take, or whatever it may be. It is a display that people purvey and they decide whether or not they want to follow or buy into it. Right. And so I think when people are upset that Christian couples are making content, I'm like, baby, we are in the era of content they're gonna make.

[Renee]

Yeah, of course everyone's gonna make content.

[Courtney]

So that's not the issue. But I think what content creat or Christian couple content creators need to be careful of is what you are trying to display does to some degree have to be curated in order for you to avoid certain critique that comes with opening up your marriage for the public.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

People are going to have opinions on what you put out. You cannot stop people having opinions, number one. Number two, I really despise when people forget that you can curate and you are in control of what you put out there about your marriage. And, and it's like people forget that sometimes that if you share something about yourself. People have that information about you. Yeah, they have that information about you. Privacy is so important. The Bible tells us we should aspire to live a quiet life. We should aspire to live a quiet life because private. There's something so powerful about privacy. It's not everything about yourself that everybody can handle. And that doesn't necessarily mean you're hiding it. It means you're.

[Renee]

You're.

[Courtney]

You're discerning what audience to put certain things in front. There are things that we will share with council. Council. There's things that we will share with mentors. There's then things you will share with your friends, and then there are things that you'll share with the public. I don't mind the public knowing about me, but there are. You have to discern what amount of information about yourself and about your spouse and about your marriage and its dynamic that you actually want to share with people. And I think this is where the dis. Like, comes. It's like people cannot. People can't stand the oversharing anymore because. Especially because it makes the woman look bad. Even if it's the man that's displaying the bad behavior, it's the woman that looks bad because she's the one who has been either embarrassed, thrown under the bus, or people. And it's. Again, it's actually another fruit of patriarchy that is the Derek Jackson thing. If you go back years, when we were talking about the Derek Jackson situation, we were talking about how now it's so funny that a man has come on the Internet to talk about his cheating, his bad behavior, his irresponsibility as a husband, and everybody's eyes are on his wife still, and it still happens. Now, no matter what your husband comes online to do, it's all eyes on you.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

And that's the problem. And so, if anything, I believe what causes the outrage and even birth some upset in me, it is knowing that, knowing the patriarchal society that we live in, it is a husband's duty to cover his wife even more and to be very, very careful about how he curates, what he says and what he does in public, even if it's offline. I was talking about this with my husband.

[Renee]

Now, come on, now.

[Courtney]

Hello. I was talking about this with him. And I was saying how one piece of advice that we got before we got married was from a lady in our church, married for nearly 40 years. Yeah. And she said. Yeah. And she was like, courtney, I'm gonna give you, like, this piece of advice. And I know you're gonna roll your eyes and it's annoying, but I'm giving you that, this advice because of how society works. If somebody's coming over to your house, make sure it's clean. Because if it's not clean, they don't care about Kelvin. They care about you.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Their critique is of you. You. That whether they're young or old, they're thinking, this woman can't keep a clean house. And they are judging you, not him. You. And I thought to myself, first of all, that's really sad.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

But that's how society works.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

But then I was speaking to him and I said, because of that way of thinking, she's just being real with us. Right. But because of that way of thinking, you now need to be even more careful about the way you talk about me. Because people are looking for a reason to discredit me as a spouse. I mean, people are looking for a reason. We had a whole TMS live about this on our sisterhood platform about how, like a lot of times when you are getting married, you see how much responsibility of the success of your marriage is put on the woman. And so the husband cannot be loose lipped about the way he talks about his wife or the way he talks about her behavior. The way he talks about it. Because people are already looking at her with scrutiny.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

They're already looking at her with a harsher standard than they are looking at him because he has that privilege of just existing. He needs to use that privilege, even in marriage, to cover his wife. My husband cannot now go out and say, oh, yeah, Courtney didn't make the bed this morning because it has more consequences than just, Courtney had a bad morning. It means Courtney is a bad wife, or Courtney makes bad choices, or Courtney is not good enough for you. And so having this. These are literally the dinner time. That man cannot rest. Oh, he is getting lectures on all of this, let me tell you. Listen to me, honey.

[Renee]

I told you we have an agenda.

[Courtney]

It will not be me that you disgrace. And I think that's what men sometimes don't get their head around. Right. The. Your job is to make sure that your wife is covered. Your job is to make sure she is protected. And especially when you're stepping into the limelight and the exposure that social media brings, you have to do even more work to make sure that that covering is even, even greater responsibility. And I think when people don't see that, it makes Christian marriage a mockery.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

And it's not because of transparency. It's because of how it's handled and how it's conveyed. I think people need to learn tact and it's just a facet of wisdom. You need to be wise in the way that you are communicating things. Because especially when people do scrutinize marriages. And that's what I was saying. It's a bigger picture of what's happening in society. Sorry to go on for so long, but I'm going to close off with this point. People already are very suspicious of marriage. Yeah, People already don't believe in the institution of marriage working, let alone being beneficial for women in any way. Right. And so having that social context, a lot of people even lack that kind of social awareness. But having that social context, you now need to realize, as a Christian content creator, going into the world of people disliking marriage, you're trying to promote marriage. You need to be even more. More curated. You need to be even more wise about how you are, in essence, marketing marriage or sharing your marriage. Right. And again, it doesn't mean that you cannot be transparent, but your transparency needs to come with maturity. Your transparency needs to come with accountability. You're trying because people know people are not perfect. If you come and say that you cheated on your wife, people been cheated. But how did you handle your cheating? Because that's what shows the spirit of God in you and whether God has done a work in you. How did you handle the cheating? How do you show respect to your wife? How do you speak about your spouse? How do you take care of your children? People are going to hold you to a higher standard. They're going to hold you to a higher standard inevitably. And so you need to be ready to live up to that. So you need to realize that you can't just make certain comments. Absolutely. Absolutely. No. If you are, this mic is a powerful thing. And as much as you can say, oh, I don't care about the comments that people make about my marriages, about what's happening in my marriage, will comments people make about your marriage sow seeds into your marriage? Right. It will cause tension at home. It will cause. Cause people to look at you strangely. It will cause you to maybe feel insecure. And so knowing that the wife is the one who's under that scrutiny, why would you want to put that much added pressure on her for people to know? You've said this to her, You've been this like this to her. You've done this in the past to her. She's experienced this at your hand.

[Renee]

Courtney. Don't kill me.

[Courtney]

At your doing. Is this the love of Christ in display at your hand? Do you get what I mean? It's one thing if you're talking about. About your past.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

And you're telling us about how you've changed and how you've transformed. That's one thing. That's. That's a beautiful story. But it's another if you think you're right in your foolishness and it's the world that has to come and correct you. Not necessarily saying that the world is always right, because I think you, even in the way you asked the question, you posed a very interesting point, which is that a lot of people are committed to misunderstanding 100, taking things out of context that like, y' all need to. There's a video I saw recently of a guy talking about how, oh, when a woman gives birth, oftentimes, like, most of the attention, all of the attention is on. On her. And he's fine with that because she's just, you know, she's gone through pregnancy, labor, delivery, all of that stuff.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

But no one pauses to ask the guy, are you actually okay? Like, you're doing all nighter. You've done an all nighter, for example, and you've been up for 48 hours straight trying to, trying to help take care of this baby or helping to take care of his baby. No one's going to ask you if you're okay and come and see people in the comments. Why should they ask you? You didn't carry the baby. Our men always want to be. Why does he send us? Does he want them to just focus on him? That's not what he said. That is not what he said. And I think conversations like this, or again, it's always nuanced. Right. It's like they bring up bigger questions about men's community and how much we, maybe we. We are turning our hearts away from recognizing men as humans. We just villainize them.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

But at the same time, it's like we understand the world of privilege. He's having this conversation from. So I understand why people are outraged, but I think it goes to show people can be very committed to hearing what you are not saying.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

And therefore you need to do even more to make sure what you are saying, saying cannot be misconstrued.

[Renee]

Oh.

[Courtney]

So yeah, that's where I'll park it.

[Renee]

Courtney, you unpacked, you unpeeled?

[Courtney]

I try my best.

[Renee]

We went from A to B to C. And also I resonate strongly with the sitting down, the husbands and having some real conversations.

[Courtney]

About pages?

[Renee]

No, because it's not me that you're going to come on this Internet, the Lord's Internet, to come in every. Every single day. I'm like, sir, you want a tight leash, Come up.

[Courtney]

This ain't gonna be bad.

[Renee]

Don't come up on here and do all that nonsense. But I love everything that you have said. I think I like what really resonated with me is just this idea of wisdom. Like, to what end? Like, is this really edification? And I think what you were saying as well, around audience as well. I think sometimes we think that we are speaking to a specific audience. Audience, which is cute, but there's others watching absolutely the entire Internet. And I know that for a lot of people, you know, when they jump on podcasts or they do, like different types of content, they think that they are only speaking to a specific person. Therefore, if somebody else hears, you know, you weren't the intended, you know, audience or whatever. But we don't have that luxury on the Internet streets. We don't. This is not a closed community. This is not a. This. This is the equivalent of taking a microphone or taking a megaphone. Right. And standing on the streets saying, oh, I'm speaking to people that look like xyz. Everybody on the street is going to hear you. Yeah, everybody on the street is going to hear you. That's how the Internet operates. And I also loved what you were saying about COVID and protection. That was literally what I was thinking of as you were speaking. But also in general, watching the sagas. Yeah, the multiple sagas unfold. And I think. Think what kind of frustrates me as well. First of all, I believe a lot of people, we just need media training. I don't know what happened to having publicists, media training, that kind of stuff. I know everybody's all about authenticity and stuff like that, but there's some things that are just too raw to be digested on the Internet. And that's the problem. We do not have the. It's like when you're lactose intolerant.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

As somebody that is lactose intolerant and has finally accepted it in my life, and I'm doing the work to, like, you know, try and overcome that. There are certain things I cannot digest without the correct enzymes. And I feel like the Internet works the same way. We can't just expect that, you know, whatever we put out will be digested well. We have to recognize that people have different limitations or they have different perspectives or they have different needs which prevent them from being Able to digest the truth or the authenticity that we intend. And so. So I think there's the side of people are very much committed to misunderstanding. But then us as content creators, us as believers, us as those that are married, we have to also be discerning of the fact that. Okay, what I put out.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

Needs to be digested well.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

And whilst I may believe that I can put out some milk, baby, you might need to go and find some alternatives. Come on, you better go find that oat that hazelnut, that whatever it is, because not everybody will be able to digest that well. And I think that our first priority needs to be the people that we love. Yeah. And there have been cases of even individuals that I've seen multiple times coming on the Internet and sharing stuff unprovoked, mind you. And I think. I think I want to talk about that a little bit as well in that I think that. Oh, my God, I think that. And please, guys, hear me when I say this. I'm trying to give you oat. I think that we can conf. There's. There's a compulsion to share everything under the umbrella term of calling.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

We are called to share. We are called to, you know, minister the gospel.

[Courtney]

What are we. But are we like.

[Renee]

I don't want to doubt anybody's call or purpose and stuff like that. I don't wanna.

[Courtney]

But are we. And this is something that, like, I won't lie to you. It's something that I often just side eye a lot. Right. Because. Oh, it's layered. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So one, I would say this. It's. I think even when you were talking about the analogy of what you can and cannot digest, I think the people putting out the content also need to assess whether they can digest what will be produced. Yeah. As a fruit of this. Right.

[Renee]

That's good.

[Courtney]

I think you first and foremost, before serving the public, God is trying to change you.

[Renee]

Good, right, Good.

[Courtney]

Very good. So as much as we love marriage ministries, your marriage is a ministry.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Work on the ministry of your marriage before you birth a marriage ministry. The reason why I say that is when you work on the ministry of your marriage, your marriage has the capacity to handle whatever will come as a result of your sharing.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

A lot of times when I talk to people who have been married 30, 40, 50 years. Right. They're happy to share. Oh, this happened earlier in our marriage. It doesn't even have to be scandalous. But like, my partner used to do this and I didn't really like it, and I had to tell him or vice versa. My wife used to do this. I had to tell her. But they can share that and handle it because their marriage has a certain level of maturity, intimacy, longevity that will not be shaken by this. This is not going to cause an argument.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

If you have been married for one year, I guarantee you your marriage may not have the fortitude to handle that kind of exposure. It might not. Do you get what I mean? Like, if you're still getting, you. You haven't adjusted to the fact that maybe your wife leaves a makeup brush on the countertop. Yeah. Why are you going to share you and your wife's business? You think your marriage can handle that? Your marriage can't handle critique. Don't expose it to that. You are still. You are barely a fetus in this game. You ain't been married a year. And there's God given wisdom and then there's actual experience. Experience holds more weight and therefore can withstand a lot more storms than God given wisdom. God given wisdom in practice births experience. That's fantastic. But God given wisdom alone is just a revelation that has not yet been worked out, which means that has no feet just yet, which means anything can come. And if this thing has not been tested and proved in your life, it can blow you over. And I think a lot of Christian marriages or couples, they read the books, they're in a happy relationship, but it's a relationship that has not yet been tested by the things that grow, the strength that causes a marriage to be able to handle people's eyes and people's comments and their critique. Why would you do that to yourself, self? Why would you do that to yourself? It's like putting a newborn out in the cold. You want to kill it. You want to kill it. This is attempted murder on your marriage. Your marriage has not got the immune system. It has not got the strength. It has not got the capacity to handle the exposure that comes with being outside in these streets. These streets are filled with germs and viruses and bacteria. They are filled with many people having opinions. Opinions. They are filled with so many opinions. If you cannot. If your marriage does not have the strength simply because of its age. I'm not saying that people cannot have wisdom beyond their years. We have wisdom beyond their years. But, baby, there are certain things I still can't handle because I am only 28 years old, baby, I cannot handle your comments about this thing. I still get teary when somebody says, you don't look nice. Okay, so do you think, you think these shady little comments they still be. They get to me. Right. But do you think after just a couple years of marriage I'm going to be able to withstand people saying your husband is this or your wife is that or your marriage must not be this? Especially if I have not had enough experience in my marriage to prove to me that that's not true. Oftentimes what breaks marriages is somebody saying something which you feel like even has a seed of truth. It latches onto a doubt in you. Next thing you know, you're arguing in your home. You've opened up the door for the enemy. The enemy content opens up a door into your life because you're giving people platform to speak into you. If you read your comments, you're giving people access to your marriage and they're going to speak whatever they want into it. And it's not to blame them. Why are people hate us on the Internet? We know the Internet is full of crazy people.

[Renee]

Wake date as in they wake up early.

[Courtney]

We know that they wake up. Why are we shocked by that? Real life is filled with crazy people. Why are you mad at the people online when you know it's a crazy place?

[Renee]

And you know what also kills me is when the response to critique, whether it is excessive or actually justified, is you guys are just jealous.

[Courtney]

Whatever helps you to sleep if that is the padded door for your specific headache. Wow.

[Renee]

That your. Your nostrils are so deep in the patriarchy. I'm so sorry. Oh, your nose is so deep in the patriarchy.

[Courtney]

Bum hole.

[Renee]

You can't breathe.

[Courtney]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know what makes me sad about it as much as it's funny.

[Renee]

Sorry.

[Courtney]

As much as it's funny.

[Renee]

Right.

[Courtney]

I think we have misconstrued rude because of decades and decades of subliminal teaching that God just desires for us to be married.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

And that he doesn't care about the condition of our marriage.

[Renee]

Absolutely.

[Courtney]

And the quality of our marriage.

[Renee]

Absolutely.

[Courtney]

God cares about the quality of your marriage.

[Renee]

That's so good. Tell them again.

[Courtney]

He cares about the quality of your marriage. And the reason why I know he cares about the quality of your marriage is because Jesus the bridegroom. Let's. Let's remember that marriage from a Christian perspective is a greater image of God's relationship with his bride. Jesus's relationship with his bride. He is the bridegroom, she is the bride. The church is the bride. And so he's coming back to get his bride. Right. It's just a big love story. Right. The reason why I know God cares about the quality of Your marriage is because whilst Jesus was on the earth, he did everything he could to be a good groom to you.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

He was tempted in every way, yet was without sin. He stopped himself from doing certain things, being in certain places. He even stopped himself from giving into his own self comfort by giving himself over to be on the cross for you. Right. That's the kind of selfless love that he tells you to base your standards on. And as soon as you get that idea in your, in your mind, you would actually stop settling for certain things which call themselves marriage but are just disgraced with the ring. It's just disgrace with the ring. It's disgrace with a big day. Not because we are perfect. Not everybody is. Jesus. Jesus Christ. Not, we are not. We are being perfected into his image. But if we are preparing ourselves to also be a spotless bride, if we are allowing ourselves to respond to our convictions, if we are developing the fruit of the spirit because we are aware that we have a groom who is perfect, who is coming back for us, you don't deserve to be in a relationship with somebody who is not preparing themselves to be better for you. And so for me, that excuse of, oh, all this critique is because people are drunk. Jesus, you're avoiding the pruning that comes with the eyes that are now on your marriage because God can still use these unfortunate circumstances to expose to you that there is something in you that needs to be changed.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Do you get what I mean? There is something in you that needs to be changed. Something about your decisions, something about the way you speak, something about the way you treat your spouse. It actually needs to be changing you. So take it. You don't need to take all of it. And trust me, I'm not advocating for the world and its opinions to be, to be your, your chief discipleship strategy. That's not what I'm saying. But what I am saying is sometimes in there, if the world is the ones critiquing you based on standards that are in your Bible, that proves they know a little something more than you. Oh, and that should cause you to be a bit worried. Not to say they are perfect, but if a non believer can judge a believer by the standard of the word, and then when believers come in, they just say, well, don't hold me accountable. It goes to show there's, there's a glitch in the matrix, there's a big problem, something is out of order. And I think that we should. And I think that's why I'm directing this more so to the Christian.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Than to the world. Because it's easy to be like, just don't comment on it or why are you so fascinated by it? But if it's out there, we're gonna be fascinated.

[Renee]

One. One thing about us, we fixed it.

[Courtney]

Lie to you. Who don't lie to you. God. We going to be fascinated. But the Christian is the one who must be held to a higher standard.

[Renee]

Yeah. Correct.

[Courtney]

If the world calls us to. If the word calls us to judge the world, it's because we must first be in order.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

And so we must get ourselves in order. And so I think a lot of that. You're just jealous. You're just jealous. Is running away from accountability and running away from. Away from the conviction and the discomfort that that critique has risen up in you.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Or has caused to rise up in you, which could actually be the Holy Spirit trying to use what was meant for evil, something that was meant to tear you down or make you feel ashamed. He's turning what was meant for evil into something for good by pruning you submit to it.

[Renee]

Oh, that's so good. Yeah, that's so good. And to be honest with you, I. I think even, like married women, y' all can still find your marriage and see it as an idol, because that's what that is. For your. For your initial response to be, oh, everybody's just jealous of me. It's giving. What is it that you are priding yourself in?

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

Right. And it is very much. It's giving. Worldly. Yeah, it's giving. My standard is pretty much the world standard. Society is judging me based on my proximity to a man.

[Courtney]

Man. Yeah.

[Renee]

And because I have attained what society deems as the, you know, the apex of what it means to be a woman, Surely this critique does not land in my household. Surely this critique doesn't make sense for me because I am at the top. And I think another thing that I find very interesting, you mentioned it earlier on, is I hate the fact that the critique lands at the door of the woman. I hate, hate it so, so bad. Because even in your articulation of Christ being the groom and us being, you know, the bride, the responsibility. The responsibility that men have for their wives.

[Courtney]

Yep.

[Renee]

You absolutely cannot afford to be with somebody that takes lightly the name of his wife. You can.

[Courtney]

You.

[Renee]

Honest to God, you cannot afford.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

Like, when I think of some of those parodies and stuff that we see on the Internet of, like, oh, newly married couple. Oh, what did you think of your wife? Well, I didn't she wasn't my preference. I didn't like her. I didn't like this. Do you think that could ever escape the lips of Jesus?

[Courtney]

Let me tell you something. As soon as our generation grasped the fact that the quality of a marriage is displayed in the character of the man and not the performance of the wife, that's when we'll understand, understand that this is the Bible for real lived out. That's when we'll realize that this is true marriage. According to it is the man's character that displays the quality of this marriage that's so good. Right? Not anything that the woman can perform. I can go out and say my husband is the best man ever, but if that man is standing on a street corner telling, stealing, destroying and killing, I ain't got nothing. I have nothing. If that man's penis is constantly in somebody else else, nothing, I. There is no amount of cooking, cleaning and nice dress that can make this marriage look good.

[Renee]

As in, yes, okay, you have to be a provider. Yes. But the commandment is to love your wife. To love.

[Courtney]

Lay down your life.

[Renee]

Why?

[Courtney]

Because the temptation to be trifling is strong. The temptation to be wayward is strong. It's magnetic.

[Renee]

Go away. It's magnetic. Sick. It's a.

[Courtney]

Because society also makes it easy.

[Renee]

They do.

[Courtney]

The slide towards waywardness is slippery. I'm telling you, they have greased that thing up. For you to end up in the pit of hell, you need to resist it. And it's an uphill climb. But genuinely, the quality of your marriage and I think the. The thing about it is men need to deep it, but the women need to deep it more. That internalized patriarchy of I need to make my marriage look good is what's harming you. That's what's causing your problems and your headache. I. If you just shift the responsibility to say hey, for the next one month, the standard and the quality and the experience of this marriage rests on your shoulders as my husband. See how things will have to change. They have not. Because I'm not putting in effort. I'm gonna be a grown up. Yeah, you're gonna be a grown up. But I'm no longer trying to be the source of the joy. I'm no longer trying the source of the respect. I will allow you to wear me as a crown. And the condition of your crown is what will help people to know the nature of King. You are right. So if I'm not shiny, that's not my problem. I ain't never seen a crown self Clean. I have never seen that. As soon as you shift your mind. And this ain't patriarch. This isn't sprinkle sprinkle stuff.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

As soon as you shift your mind to believe I am the prize. I don't care what society has told you about the way you look, your history, the fact you have kids, the fact you're not Beyonce, the fact you're not. What's that lady's name? The height of femininity. Lady Lori Harvey. I don't care that society has told you you're not this person. Let me tell you the truth. You are the prize. You are the prize. If a man. Man is telling you, I want to be with you forever, what he's acknowledging is, I want you. I need you. I want you to be in my life not as an idol, but as my crown. I have never seen a crown polish itself. That man needs to get to work to make sure you are representative of the type of man he actually is. You are the measure of the manner of man that man is. Okay. And it is not on you that the. Honestly, if my. If my. Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. If this marriage falls apart, God forbid, Imma be looking at it was him. It wasn't. That's got nothing to do with me. It's got nothing to do with me. It's got nothing to do with me. Is that what. Because society has already. And I'm not saying this is general for every woman, because some women, we support women's wrongs. Well, we don't support women's wrongs. Women's rights, women's wrongs. Women can do bad things. We can be villains.

[Renee]

We can be our people.

[Courtney]

We can. It's not good, but it is true.

[Renee]

Yeah, we can be wicked.

[Courtney]

It's not that I'm supporting that, but society generally has programmed most women to be well behaved. And so if something has fallen apart in this marriage, the likelihood is the king did not clean his crown. The king threw his crown in the bin and he decided he wanted to go and go on the street corner following the mysterious woman. You know, in Proverbs where it talks about to love women to. To love wisdom. Sorry. And to not follow the strange woman.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

A lot of men love to follow a strange. And they've left their crown at home forgetting that they are a king with responsibilities and expectations on their head. And they're following strange things what can only go away. Bro.

[Renee]

Strange.

[Courtney]

And we need to start holding them accountable to that. And on that, I will Close.

[Renee]

Guys, if you would like to sew into. If you would like to sew into the ministries of cdj, please.

[Courtney]

I need a dress for the guap gala and that's actually it.

[Renee]

No, no, no. Guys. Hello.

[Courtney]

We need.

[Renee]

If this message has blessed you and you want to support. Support the. To my sister's ministry. Because what we're doing here is ministry. We come here, we showcase our relationship to you guys. The transparency, the nooks and crannies and whatnot. But what we're really here for is the money. If you can. Please.

[Courtney]

You're so not serious.

[Renee]

If anybody. Everybody that's under the sound of my voice.

[Courtney]

Oh my gosh. Anyway, guys, we so grateful that you did today's episode. I will not let you this charlatan. You don't need that you interrupted somebody that's under the spirit right now. No, in fact, if anything, we just desire for you to be in a healthy and happy relationship or marriage that aligns with God's will for you. His perfect will. And maybe you are God's last born daughter. You a princess. You are a princess. And you need to treat yourself like it. And don't let society. Society speak you out of. Oh well, you don't deserve that. I'm sorry. For me. And he purchased my soul with his blood. And I've now been adopted. I am now a child of God. And what that means is I'm a princess. I don't know about you, but I'm a princess.

[Renee]

Can't be any shouted so you can't.

[Courtney]

Just be any Tom, Tom, Dick and Harry coming to come and do helter.

[Renee]

Skill talking about my name on the Internet streets.

[Courtney]

I'm sorry.

[Renee]

No way. Ah, stop it.

[Courtney]

No, no, no, no, no. And men, please log off that one. Thank you.

[Renee]

No, no, no.

[Courtney]

Off for a little while.

[Renee]

Thank you.

[Courtney]

Unless you have the real trading of the spirit every day.

[Renee]

Cha cha cha cha on this Internet streets.

[Courtney]

I'm so sorry. Get off. This is women's business. Get off.

[Renee]

Gosh.

[Courtney]

Go and talk to some older men that been married and submit the video to him before you put it out. Okay? Yeah.

[Renee]

Well ladies, this has been a great, great return. We could talk about this for a very long time. But unfortunately these things must come to an end. And hopefully as this comes to an end, what we have seen will also.

[Courtney]

Come to an end.

[Renee]

So ladies, if this blessed you, please, we would love to hear your thoughts. Thoughts like your observations. How have you found this interesting and peculiar conundrum that we have been seeing?

[Courtney]

Peculiar.

[Renee]

Strange.

[Courtney]

Strange.

[Renee]

Things that we've been seeing on the Internet since.

[Courtney]

Since our.

[Renee]

Our little hiatus. Drop it like it's hot in the comments below on YouTube, Spotify or anywhere that you are listening to or streaming this wonderful podcast. And of course you can come and support us by following all of our platforms. To my sisters on everything. We're gonna be back, baby, back, back like never before. We are ramming into 2025, hurling to the end, celebrating five years. So make sure you're following us on everything. And you can follow my Lovely bestie, the Mrs. CDJ.

[Courtney]

LOL. I need to. I'm deliberating whether I should change my.

[Renee]

Handle or not, but it's a matter of time. Oh my God, I need to do that. You're speaking to him.

[Courtney]

You know, shout out to. To being a botting.

[Renee]

There you go. Oh, and it served you well.

[Courtney]

Oh, I love having my dad's name.

[Renee]

It's great. Pick up your dad as well. That's another. Anyways, my fave uncle. Anyways at CD Barteng for now and at Rene Kapuku for now.

[Courtney]

And sisters, we want you to sign up to the mailing list because so many things are going to be coming at you hot and heavy as we hurtle towards Christmas time time. Honestly, sign up to our mailing list because it's where we make all of our major announcements, oftentimes even before they hit the podcast. And so if you want to know about live events, link ups, ways that you can support the podcast and projects that are happening within the sisterhood, not just by us, but by other women who are doing amazing things to change the world for women, then you need to sign up to our mailing list on our website to my sisters dot com. It's free, it's fun. We don't spam.

[Renee]

There you go.

[Courtney]

We spam.

[Renee]

Yeah. And also please get us out of spam if we are in your spam box. It helps because you don't want to miss out announcements and all them kind of things there. Sisters, we love you. And as always, keep glowing and growing.

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