Women Deserve To Be Celebrated For More Than Marriage Alone

Summary

Podcast Summary: To My Sisters – "Women Deserve To Be Celebrated For More Than Marriage Alone"

Hosts: Courtney Daniella Boateng & Renée Kapuku
Release Date: June 28, 2026

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Episode Overview

Courtney and Renee explore the culture of celebration—specifically how society often reserves its loudest applause for women’s relationship and family milestones, while overlooking their personal, professional, and private wins. Through real-life stories and engaging dialogue, they discuss the need to redefine what is worth celebrating for women, breaking down how performance culture, social media, and patriarchy shape our perceptions of achievement.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Milestones and What Gets Celebrated

• Traditional focus: Socially, women receive maximum celebration for engagements, marriages, and having children—milestones intimately tied to proximity to men.
  • Quote:

    "There is no celebration like the celebration women get when they get engaged...when they get married, when they announce a baby. Quite a lot of milestones that are related to men." - Renée (00:26)

• The hosts recognize these are truly beautiful moments, but question why other types of achievements—personal, academic, or career—don’t get the same attention.
• Society coaches women to consider romantic partnership and motherhood as the “highlight” of life, relegating other successes as side notes.

2. The Struggle to Celebrate Ourselves

• High-achieving women often minimize their achievements, seeing them as “baseline” rather than exceptional.

  • Quote:

    "When you have to perform, sometimes your achievements become the baseline. So there’s no celebration around it because it’s what is expected of you." – Renée (23:59)

  • Internal programming (from family or culture) encourages focusing on the “next” achievement.
  • Achievements outside relationship milestones are often dismissed as not worth a fuss (“on to the next” mentality).

• Fear of inconvenience: Many women feel like celebrating themselves may “inconvenience” others or seem like they're making a big deal out of nothing.

  • Quote:

    "We don't want to seem like we're inconveniencing people by making a big deal of the things that we want to celebrate." – Courtney (02:02, 19:06)

3. The Power of Small Wins

• The hosts urge women to mark even 'minor' victories like a passed exam, job change, or persevering through hard times.
• Self-celebration rituals: Buying yourself a cupcake or sending yourself a congratulatory gift can be meaningful acts of self-love.
  • Quote:

    "Sometimes at the end of our tough week, I will go get myself a cupcake and I'll say, Renée, congrats. It’s not a happy birthday, but it’s a happy week. You got through it." – Renée (54:48)

4. Social Media’s Impact

• Social media amplifies the value of certain milestones—engagement posts and baby announcements go viral, reinforcing what’s deemed “valuable.”
  • Quote:

    "My engagement post is one of my highest engaged posts...just the fanfare of the trumpets, Jesus..." – Courtney (37:47)

• Production pressure: Not only do milestones need to be achieved, but now they must be “performed” – grand proposals, extravagant parties, and curated online narratives.
  • Comparison culture makes women feel their “smaller” celebrations are inadequate.
  • Paradoxically, friends celebrate celebrities' milestones more than those of people they know.
    • Quote:

      “You will have some of your own friends reposting Molly Mae and company. But to celebrate you? Not Molly Mae. Stop it.” – Renée (00:45, 46:02)

5. The Role of Sisterhood in Celebration

• Support in hard times: A significant segment is devoted to answering a listener’s dilemma about supporting friends in difficult, even abusive relationships—emphasizing the servanthood of sisterhood to stand by, even when it’s tough.
  • Notable advice:

    “Sometimes the servanthood of sisterhood is to be there to pick up the pieces—even when you told that person this thing is going to break, they didn’t listen.” – Courtney (08:56)

• Encouraging open celebration: Women should “make noise” about each other’s wins, big or small; actively encourage those who tend to minimize their own wins to maximize them instead.
  • Quote:

    “If you catch a friend minimizing their achievement—amp it back up. Maximize it...We are making noise. Spread it. Spreading commotion, commotion, commotion.” – Courtney (51:59)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Celebration beyond romance:

  “We are so much more than male validation. We are so much more than even the things that society pinpoint as the big milestones.” – Courtney (33:35)

• Coping and survival:

  “It's hard to even have the will to live...if I've actually made it 24 hours, I really need an incentive to make it tomorrow.” – Courtney (21:01)

• Humorous touches:
  • The segment on Krispy Kreme rewards for academic achievements and sending yourself congratulatory gifts brings warmth and relatability.
  • The friendly banter about competitiveness during squad games (14:42–15:52) injects humor while reflecting on the light-hearted side of group celebrations.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:26: Societal expectations—only romance-related milestones get celebrated
• 04:00 – 12:19: Listener dilemma: supporting friends in potentially abusive relationships; the importance of staying close and supportive
• 12:32 – 17:16: Recollections of personal and group celebrations, discussing difficulties in celebrating nontraditional milestones
• 23:59 – 25:14: The “baseline achievement” trap for high performers
• 29:05: Discussion of the societal programming around women and romantic milestones
• 37:36 – 41:46: Social media’s role in defining what’s worthy of celebration
• 46:28 – 47:53: The paradox of celebrating celebrities over friends and self
• 49:33 – 56:28: Practical ways for women to build a real-life culture of celebration

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Steps to Building a Culture of Celebration

1. Celebrate ALL wins—start with the biggest, work down to the everyday.
2. Communicate pride—calls, texts, voice notes, and affirmations go a long way.
3. Resist minimization—“Make noise” for yourself and your sisters.
4. Practice self-celebration—ritualize your own achievements, however small.
5. Challenge social media norms—focus on authentic celebrations, not performative displays.
6. Foster two-way celebration—cheer your friends on, and accept their cheers in return.

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Closing Messages

• Redefining worth: It's time to radically challenge what is considered “celebratory” for women—relationship status is not the ultimate benchmark.
• Sisterhood: Be an amplifier for your friends’ achievements. Make it the norm to celebrate all aspects of each other's journeys.
• Call to action: The hosts ask listeners to share something they’re celebrating this week and to support each other in the comments.

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End Note

The episode is a rallying cry: in a world where society, family, and the internet steer women toward measuring their value by milestones connected to men, true sisterhood means rewriting the script—celebrating every step, every battle won, together and unapologetically loud.

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For more on holistic wellness, growth, and community, follow To My Sisters on all platforms.

Transcript

[Renee]

Celebrating milestones.

[Courtney]

I think we don't want to seem like we're inconveniencing people by making a big deal of the things that we want to celebrate.

[Renee]

You may be the person that is the hotshot high flying lawyer, but not everybody is. And just because you've normalized it doesn't mean that it's not worth celebrating.

[Courtney]

Yeah. I think we have to redefine to some degree what we think is worth celebrating for women.

[Renee]

There is no celebration like the celebration women get when they get engaged.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

When they get married, when they announce a baby. Quite a lot of milestones that are related to men.

[Courtney]

First of all, start by celebrating things

[Guest or Co-host]

that are big because some people don't even do that.

[Renee]

You will have some of your own friends that will be reposting Molly Mae and company. But to celebrate you, not Molly May. Stop it. Don't get me wrong.

[Courtney]

Hello and welcome to the To My Sisters podcast. I'm Courtney.

[Renee]

And I'm Renee. And we are your online sisters and hosts of the To My Sisters podcast.

[Courtney]

We are all about promoting the wellness, growth and development of a community of women around the world.

[Renee]

And in today's podcast episode, we're going to be talking about celebrating milestones, what we should be celebrating for women and what flies under the radar.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

And all about societal expectations around what is worth celebrating for women and what is is not.

[Courtney]

Yeah, that's good.

[Renee]

So I'm very excited about this conversation. It's going to be a good one.

[Courtney]

It will be.

[Renee]

But before we get into it, do we have any housekeeping?

[Courtney]

I don't think so, no. But keep your eyes peeled because we're planning a couple events, you know, a couple of events coming up soon, so. Yeah. And it might be global, baby.

[Renee]

It might be. We hope that it's global, but also if it's not, don't come and look for us, please.

[Guest or Co-host]

How about you?

[Renee]

How about. Oh, we have any housekeeping announcements?

[Courtney]

Buy.

[Renee]

Make sure you purchase and buy the book. Yeah, buy a copy of the book. To my sisters. We wrote a book a while ago. We'd love for you guys to buy the book. Buy one for a sister too. That would be great. Any more other housekeeping announcements?

[Courtney]

I don't think nothing's looking stunning today. Oh, thank you. As are you. I'm liking the denim.

[Renee]

I'm liking the hair, mate. I know the girls.

[Courtney]

Oh, yeah. Guys, I big chopped. Yeah, it's the first time you guys. I big chopped again. You guys have already seen me grow an afro before. You've seen Me in so many cycles on this podcast over the last six years.

[Renee]

You know what was killing me in one of your YouTube videos where you're talking about, oh, I get that two, three year hair itch.

[Courtney]

Yeah. Yeah. And then I chop it off.

[Renee]

We're here again. And I ain't gonna lie to you. Ain't nobody rock a twa like you do courts. I can't lie. It's giving beauty.

[Courtney]

It's giving Africa.

[Renee]

So, yeah. Housekeeping announcement.

[Courtney]

Cut my hair.

[Guest or Co-host]

She cut her hair.

[Renee]

She choppity chopped.

[Courtney]

I chopped it off. And then, yeah. I'm gonna grow my afro again. I don't actually. I think my three year itchiness stopped now.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Guest or Co-host]

Of big chopping now, obviously experimenting with hairstyles. That's just.

[Courtney]

That's just a program.

[Guest or Co-host]

That's the regime. That's the regime. If you catch me in a blue

[Renee]

wig, you should mind your business.

[Courtney]

I've actually had a blue wig before.

[Renee]

You have. And it was.

[Courtney]

Yeah, exactly. Thank you so much.

[Guest or Co-host]

God bless.

[Courtney]

Yeah. So if you catch me outside with a very experimental hairstyle, don't be shocked, but I think the three year itch of cutting my hair off. Yeah. I'm leaving that my 20s.

[Renee]

But you look gorgeous today.

[Courtney]

As do you.

[Renee]

I've been there. Just, you know, doing keyboard worry in the background and all that kind.

[Courtney]

You have been supporting your girl. I appreciate you.

[Renee]

You look good.

[Guest or Co-host]

You look good.

[Renee]

So thank you. And also thank you. The denim is from. And actually a black own. Black Own business. Yeah. S. Nice.

[Courtney]

Shout out to absolute. I need to get mine. Alicia, let's get mine. Yeah.

[Renee]

Thank you, baby. This is cute. Yes, you do need to get.

[Guest or Co-host]

Yeah, I need to get mine. I'm gonna be in touch. I'm gonna be in touch.

[Renee]

So that was the housekeeping. I think the house is swept nice. So we can go straight into the ding, ding, ding dilemma.

[Courtney]

Let's.

[Renee]

Let's go into it. So. Hey, sisters.

[Courtney]

Hey, sweetness.

[Renee]

Hope you are well. Greetings from your girl in the United States.

[Courtney]

Hey, usa. Usa.

[Renee]

I feel like we haven't heard from the girlies from America in a while. In the dilemmas.

[Courtney]

Maybe not.

[Renee]

Yeah. Oh. I'm hoping everything is well on the

[Courtney]

other side of the pond.

[Renee]

One of my closest friends is in a relationship that worries me deeply. She's not being physically harmed, but I can see her shrinking. She's less confident. She's pulled back from us. And the person she's with is subtly controlling in ways I don't think she even recognizes yet.

[Courtney]

Okay.

[Renee]

I've Tried to gently raise it once and she shut the conversation down immediately. Now I'm stuck between honoring her autonomy and watching someone I love disappear in slow motion. I don't want to lose her by pushing too hard, but I also don't want to stay silent and regret it later. What do I do when loving someone. Well, feels like it has no right answer?

[Courtney]

Oh, that's very poetic. Very poetic.

[Guest or Co-host]

Very.

[Courtney]

Well. Yeah. Well, you know what? It's very tough. Thank you for submitting your dilemma. Very sorry you're in this situation. Even more sorry that your friend is in that situation. I sit on one of the boards I sit on is a charity that works against domestic violence in young people. And we often look at this one case study of a young girl who stepped into a altercation between her friend and her abusive partner, and the partner ended up stabbing the friend, and the friend passed away. Oh, my goodness. And in my head, when I think about these situations, it can be really tough because you really want to defend your friend. And obviously this isn't at that extreme. Hopefully it won't get to that extreme. But I think to myself about one, you kind of have to decenter yourself in the situation because your friend is the victim.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

And as much as you are obviously the main character of your life and yada, yada, in this particular situation, even if your friend is getting on your nerves by the fact that she's not listening to your advice or she can't see to seem to see things for what they are as you can.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

The temptation often is to remove yourself from the situation entirely. Okay. If you're not going to listen to me, if you want to stay in that relationship, whatever, I'm out of here. You're bouncing. But actually, that can be one of the most dangerous situations because your friend, because they have these rose tinted glasses or oftentimes we think people are in abusive relationships because of rose tinted glasses, but actually they're in it because they're scared to leave. And leaving is actually at the most dangerous point for a woman. And so my thought process is, as much as you may be frustrated that your friend isn't listening to you, as much as you may be frustrated as why she's still in this after I and probably everyone else can see that this is a really dangerous situation, your friend needs you now more than ever, even though she doesn't know she needs you. And you have to fight that temptation to be like, you know, I don't want to watch you suffer. So I'm just going to Bow out. Because then when she decides that she wants to leave or things get really, really bad, you won't be in enough proximity to. To actually help her. And sometimes the servanthood of sisterhood is to be there to pick up the pieces. Even when you told that person this thing is going to break, they didn't listen to you. Right. And so my thing is continue to express your concerns. Express it from a place of you wanting the best for her, but always let her know that you are there for her. And as tiring as it may be, make sure your friend has you on speed dial. Make sure that she always knows, no matter what happens, it will never be an I told you so. It will never be a judgment thing. I've let you know how I feel, but if you ever need me, please call me. Because those situations can go left very quickly, and sometimes for the actual victim, it takes a very long time for them to see what's actually coming at them or for them to have the. The courage or the urgency to leave in that period. So, yeah, I would say as a sister, it's very difficult. And as a friend, it's very difficult to stand by and watch someone that you love be torn apart by a romantic relationship, whether they know it or not. But please do not get so frustrated that you remove your intimacy from your friend or you remove your ability to be a safe haven for her. Because when the time does come, hopefully it does come. When she decides she. She needs to leave, she will need somebody. She will need someone. And if you are not there, that will lead to more regret than you think. So stick around. Not in an approval sense, but stick around in a I'm here to support you sense and let her know exactly how you feel. And all you can do is be honest and be there if whether she wants to receive it or not, that's on her.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

But all you can do for your own conscience and your own duty as a friend is to be honest and to be there. Yeah, that's what I would say. How about you?

[Renee]

That's really good, man. Honestly, I don't think there's much that I would add to that. Honestly, Courtney, I think the tough part of respecting autonomy is respecting when people make choices that you don't agree with. And I think this is a classic textbook case of you needing to exhibit that servanthood, sisterhood, as you described, where you're here to serve, irrespective of the outcome and irrespective of what's happening.

[Guest or Co-host]

Yeah.

[Renee]

And I love that you touched on the fact that that intimacy and proximity is still needed. Even when you know your sister is in a situation that you'd rather her not to be, it's tough. We are friends with people that we don't approve of their decisions. There's probably some of my friends that don't approve of my decisions, too. But I think the respect element is very important because that is a function of friendship and relationship. It's giving people the opportunity to choose, even if it's something that you don't like. And I think to the sister that is in an abusive situation, or to the sisters that may have experienced a. Any kind of, like, abusive romantic relationship, sister, we are rooting for you and we are praying for you. I think it's very difficult. And as you mentioned, when you are a victim, sometimes it takes a long time for you to recognize there's a pattern here. And I am a victim. Like, I'm being taken advantage of. So we really just pray that you come to that realization. And we also pray that, you know, you don't stick around in that situation and that there is the revelation that you are worth more than this situation and worth more than this relationship. And I would also encourage you to be open. Sometimes it's hard, and it's something that we spoke about in a different context in one of our other episodes. But having friends that tell you the truth and being open and receptive to hearing that truth, even when it hurts or even when it's problematic to you, I think that as women, we have to make sure that we are open to receiving criticism, we are open to receiving feedback. We are open to receiving concerns from our friends as well. Sometimes it can be tough, but genuinely, somebody that's gotten to a place where they feel like they want to address a concern with you is somebody that cares for you deeply. So to the women out there that are currently in this situation, please open your heart to your friends, especially the ones that care enough to address those concerns with you, because that may help you in getting to that place quicker where you realize that actually this relationship is not serving me. So, yeah, sister, we love you. We're wishing you all the best. Both the lady that sent in the dilemma, but also the friend, if she is listening to this. Do not allow a romantic relationship to drastically change you so deeply as a result of any sort of abuse, and don't stand for it. Like, you do not deserve any kind of abuse in any relationship thought less of romantic. And we would love. For the sisters that are listening, please chime in Whether you have experience as well of being in an abusive situation, or if you have some love and affirmation to share to both sisters in this situation, please please comment like it's hot down below.

[Courtney]

Or if you have experience being a friend to someone who's in an abusive situation.

[Renee]

Definitely. If you have experience, please please share your thoughts. Share how you guys worked through the situation or if you're even currently ongoing in the situation. Let's show some love in the comment section, ladies.

[Courtney]

That's a heavy one, man.

[Renee]

It's tough. It's tough. But send in lots of love and light. Now segueing into the conversation, celebrating women's milestones.

[Courtney]

Yeah, man.

[Renee]

The culture of celebration. Yeah. Now this has been a conversation that we've had and we've had in and amidst our friendship. So I think about our last Christmas where we gathered together, we hung out with our squad and we did all of the exciting things of, you know, going to dinner and giving each other gifts and whatnot.

[Courtney]

Did we do Squadmas last year?

[Renee]

Yeah, we did, but we did it at a restaurant. Where is it?

[Courtney]

That place in Hippodrome. That's it.

[Guest or Co-host]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Guest or Co-host]

Not really recalling that.

[Renee]

I don't remember.

[Courtney]

Cuz I remember the Christmas.

[Renee]

Did we do Christmas the day before?

[Courtney]

The year before that? Cuz I remember the. Chris, the last Christmas I vividly remember was. I remember the Hippodrome one, now that you mentioned it, but was the one where we did the slides. We did the slide presentations, walking everyone through our year.

[Renee]

That was fun.

[Courtney]

Yeah, that was fun.

[Renee]

We hosted that, didn't we?

[Courtney]

No, we didn't. Rebecca did.

[Guest or Co-host]

Oh, Rebecca did.

[Courtney]

Rebecca did.

[Guest or Co-host]

Rebecca did. Yeah.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Guest or Co-host]

Rebecca.

[Courtney]

What did we host?

[Renee]

We hosted something.

[Courtney]

We hosted the one where we played the games and then the team that lost. Yeah.

[Guest or Co-host]

Put on full blast. I think that was even your team.

[Courtney]

The team that lost was scheduled to.

[Guest or Co-host]

That was the Christmas that we hosted.

[Courtney]

The Christmas that we hosted.

[Guest or Co-host]

This is after the one where at Rebecca's house we showed the presentation the year after that, which I believe was Christmas 24.

[Courtney]

We played games at our apartment.

[Guest or Co-host]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

We all made a dish for Christmas dinner. And the team that lost the games. Someone's team, guys, actually wasn't my fault. Were assigned the punishment to make Christmas dinner for everybody. Yeah. Bear in mind, this a team of people, you're not just making Christmas with it by yourself.

[Guest or Co-host]

They.

[Courtney]

They adamantly rejected it. Which is why we broke the tradition

[Guest or Co-host]

of doing Christmas at people's houses. And we went to Hippodrome year type of irritation.

[Courtney]

That's just the story.

[Guest or Co-host]

Back to milestones. Time of irritation is back to milestones. There is a particular segment of squad that owes another segment dinner.

[Renee]

You know what it is? Squad. I love you guys so much, but one thing about me and also Courtney, we are competitive people.

[Courtney]

Yeah, we are very, very competitive.

[Renee]

If you speak to us during a game situation, we're actually not friends with you. No, we're here to win.

[Guest or Co-host]

Thank you.

[Renee]

There's nothing that grinds my gears more when you are in a team and people are like, oh, it's just about participation.

[Guest or Co-host]

It's just a game.

[Renee]

It's just a game. It's not just a game. It's not stand up giggling and stuff is your time to rise and shake.

[Guest or Co-host]

And you're not doing this.

[Renee]

Oh, gosh.

[Guest or Co-host]

This is not a game. This is war. This is war and you are distracting.

[Renee]

This is as close to warfare that we're going to get in this situation.

[Courtney]

What is it about black people and games?

[Renee]

No, we take it seriously.

[Courtney]

We take it serious.

[Renee]

So take it so, so animated. It's unbelievable. And we're even fighting with the judge. We're always fighting with. We're always fighting with the games master.

[Guest or Co-host]

Always.

[Courtney]

We need a TMS games event.

[Renee]

But if we do that, I must tell you that this is not a friendly. We will have the time in the day where we. No, we'll have a time in the day to, you know, convene and communicate and stuff. But when the actual quiz or game starts, we are at war.

[Guest or Co-host]

It's on.

[Renee]

It's on. Anyways, coming back to Masters, and one of the things that was suggested in the group chat was, hey, you know, we've seen a trend on Tick Tock or on Instagram, somewhere on social media around bringing something to the table that we can celebrate you for. So we were all in charge of bringing a small gift for literally everybody to celebrate some of their milestones that they wanted to bring to the table. And it was such a beautiful thing to hear the different things that the women in our lives have achieved across the year. We're talking new jobs, we're talking new homes, we're talking like a whole host of things from the big to the small. And again, we've been having lots of conversations around what is worth celebrating in a woman's life.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

So I first want to start with, why is it that for a lot of women, we struggle to celebrate in general? There's a lot of, especially within the TMS community, a lot of Very high achieving, very ambitious women and there are, you know, certain socially coded milestones that they typically celebrate. But I think the actual culture of celebration for a lot of high achieving, ambitious or just women in general that, you know, want something for themselves, it can be very difficult to celebrate themselves, especially when it comes to the smaller milestones.

[Courtney]

Yeah, so.

[Renee]

So what do you think is at the root of this difficulty around celebration?

[Courtney]

That's a good question. I think if you are a high achieving person outside of the traditional milestones, as you mentioned that we celebrate the weddings, buying a house or baby shower and stuff like that and I think we've talked about this in a previous episode around we celebrate those big milestones and sometimes it communicates to us that those are the most significant moments in a woman's life when there are so many other things oftentimes non related to men or you know, becoming a mother that go under the radar but actually are really significant, I mean a lot. And so I think the first reason why we don't celebrate ourselves is because we don't think that these mini milestones are really worth celebrating for everyone. Whilst internally we might be really proud of ourselves. How many people throw a party for their friends because they got a new job or you know, they, I don't know, you know, depending on someone's journey. Some, for some people that's a really big deal but for other people it's like, oh, this is just another day, it's a big milestone, whatever, but on to the next. And I think that's the second thing. I think a lot of high achieving women have an on to the next mentality. I'm definitely one of them. Like growing up I always tell the story whenever I do something really well at school or achieve something, I'd go home and I'd show it to my dad like the certificate, the prize. I'd be like ah, did really well at this, I don't know, like exam or whatever. And he'll be like, yes, amazing. What next? I'm like, you know what first? No, but it programmed my mind to think, you know. And he was saying it from a place of. I knew my dad was genuinely happy, genuinely proud. Like you guys know my daddy's girl to the core. And so he was genuinely proud and like, yeah, of course you've done it but don't get complacent, this is not the end point.

[Guest or Co-host]

So we're passing through this milestone of celebration onto the next.

[Courtney]

And it did unfortunately put in my mind that, you know, whenever I, I have Achieved something or I have experienced something which is really exciting. Okay, great. On to the next. On to the next. And so we then set our attention or our focus on the next thing. So, you know, the next day we're going back to work, we're back on the grind. There's a new target now and the benchmark or the goal post is constantly moving because we have an understanding that there's more to do. And I think that that's dangerous because it, it means that you're rarely ever satisfied with yourself. Yeah, it can sometimes make life hard to be content with, but also it can often mean that you don't celebrate yourself or allow other people to celebrate you. And that brings me to my last point. I think we don't want to seem like we're inconveniencing people by making a big deal of the things that we want to celebrate. And it doesn't have to be a big form of celebration. I think we have to detach our understanding of celebration from these really big events and these, you know, optic moments or. Yeah. And kind of think about. Okay, but no, it's the send someone flowers or, you know, send somebody a ten pound gift card and just be like, I'm really proud that you submitted your dissertation. Go and get a coffee or go and you know, go and buy yourself a nice hand cream or whatever. Here's an M and S voucher. That's my personal. Oh, that's my personal request. If you ever want to, if you would like, do something for me.

[Renee]

You know what that reminds me of? Do you remember when we did the live show? I can't remember which one it was. And somebody sent us an Amazon gift voucher.

[Courtney]

Yeah, guys, somebody gave us each 50 pound Amazon vouchers. I used mine to buy press on nails. I don't know, I don't know what Renee used those for, but those press

[Guest or Co-host]

on nails served me for like one good year.

[Courtney]

And so I just want to let you know, whoever you are, wherever you are, God bless you for doing the Lord's work.

[Renee]

I'm trying to remember what because. Oh, reckless to figure out what was it that I got with that. Maybe it was collagen powder. I think it was that.

[Courtney]

There you go. I was really happy somebody keeping you youthful. But yeah, stuff like that, that just makes you feel like, oh yeah, like this is really nice. Like I, I think having people around you who will let you know that celebrating you isn't an inconvenience, even though it doesn't have to be in a Big way. I want to celebrate you. I enjoy celebrating you and allowing yourself to be celebrated, but I think it also starts with first celebrating yourself. So in those moments, just being like, okay, I. As much as it seems small, I don't care if it's. I went to work five days a week straight this week, even though I don't want to run up, get me some cookies, get me a cookie from somewhere. And I know people like food is not a prize. And you shouldn't be, you know, rewarding yourself for all these things that you should be doing. But I'm guaranteeing you right now, it's hard to even have the will to live.

[Renee]

No, as in.

[Guest or Co-host]

So if I've actually made it 24 hours with that, you, I really need an incentive to make it tomorrow. I need a reward to make it to tomorrow. So you don't know what battles I'm fighting.

[Renee]

Do you know, how funny, but how true that is?

[Guest or Co-host]

I'm about to lose it. I'm very close to losing it if I don't get a match.

[Renee]

Blank street. You don't know who you've been impacting.

[Courtney]

Honestly did the Lord's work. So it's just allowing yourself to understand, even relatively, what is difficult for me in this season.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Or what has been hard. I don't care if, you know, left, right, and center. Everybody is buying a house, and it feels like, oh, my little win of, I don't know, passing my LSAT or whatever.

[Guest or Co-host]

Seems small.

[Courtney]

No, it's huge for you. So we're going to celebrate that. So first of all, celebrating yourself, then being surrounded by people who will celebrate you.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

But how about you? What do you think?

[Renee]

That's so beautiful, man. I agree with that.

[Courtney]

That's a highly ambitious babe.

[Renee]

Oh, well, you know, to be honest, I think we should actually do a podcast episode on that a little bit later in that as you. I don't know, as you get older, sometimes your ambitions change.

[Courtney]

Yes, yes.

[Renee]

Even this whole notion of being, like, highly ambitious. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Courtney]

That's a good idea.

[Renee]

That's for another episode. On this episode. I. Yeah, I completely agree with everything that you said. Of course. I think. I think tagging onto piggybacking off, the first. The first point I haven't used such a long time.

[Guest or Co-host]

You have it.

[Renee]

That was so cathartic.

[Courtney]

Piggybacking off. Piggybacking off.

[Renee]

The first point that you made, I think for a lot of women that have to perform, and I think performance is very much rooted in a lot of women's Experience of life.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

When you have to perform, sometimes your achievements become the baseline. So there's no celebration around it because it's what is expected of you.

[Guest or Co-host]

Yeah.

[Renee]

So for a lot of. I can speak for myself, being a former, I'm still trying. Perfectionist. When people associate you with, oh, you're a high achiever, it becomes very difficult for you to fall from that baseline. And so now that your whole identity is wrapped up with being somebody that performs or, you know, the person that has the, I don't know, they have an expectation around them and behave in a certain way or doing certain things, all of a sudden it becomes as though that thing is no longer worthy of being celebrated because it's simply part of your identity. These things are still hard things. You may be the person that is the hotshot high flying lawyer, but not everybody is.

[Guest or Co-host]

Yeah.

[Renee]

Just because you've normalized, it doesn't mean that it's not worth celebrating.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

So I think there's been a normalization of our achievement. Sometimes as women that makes it very difficult for us to celebrate, but also makes it difficult for other people to celebrate you because it becomes the expectation. If you have grown up in a environment where your parents expect an A, an A no longer becomes something celebratory, it becomes something that is expected of you.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

And I, for, for me growing up, actually one thing that I will never forget and it was my brother, God bless you.

[Courtney]

Shout out to Brian.

[Renee]

He, he knew, obviously he had gone before me. He's older than me, so he had done the whole GCSE levels, whatever. I remember when I was doing my GCSEs, and again, God bless my parents. But you know, immigrant parents, they don't be understanding the stress, the stress of trying to perform and do well, especially under exam conditions. And so my brother said to me, for every A star, oh, gosh, you guys are gonna think I'm a glutton with what the reward was.

[Guest or Co-host]

Now he'd buy you a donut. He'd buy me a Krispy Kreme donut.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Guest or Co-host]

No, no, no. That's again, incentive.

[Renee]

Yeah, it was such an incentive. I was working hard because I wanted my donuts. He said, for everyone. And lo and behold, I did get those today stars.

[Guest or Co-host]

So you had to give me a whole box.

[Courtney]

Yeah, I remember. The reason why I remember is because

[Guest or Co-host]

I remember getting it and seeing him and seeing him with a whole box of Krispy Kremes.

[Renee]

And that to me was such an important core memory, because it's one memory that I can point to and say, wow, I was celebrated for my efforts. It wasn't just something that was brushed under the rug or something that was assumed to be expected of young Renee. It was a real bona fide and in a language that I could understand because I love them. Krispy Kreme.

[Courtney]

What's your favorite Krispy Kreme?

[Renee]

That's tough. I could give you top three. I really enjoy the Lotus Biscoff one. I like the strawberries and cream one as well. I don't like, like jammy strawberry stuff, but that one. Work of art.

[Guest or Co-host]

Okay.

[Renee]

I do like the glazed as well.

[Courtney]

Simple, original.

[Renee]

Yeah. All of that kind of good stuff. I also really like the cookies and cream. That was four.

[Guest or Co-host]

I'm so sorry.

[Courtney]

I like donuts.

[Renee]

They've started with a pistachio. Actually, this is not an ad slot, so let me stop there.

[Courtney]

Do you have a favorite Krispy Kreme? The raspberry glazed? Yeah.

[Guest or Co-host]

They tried to do one stupid rubbish of removing it and discontinuing that. I don't know. They quickly brought it back.

[Renee]

They should stop.

[Guest or Co-host]

Because I could have protested.

[Renee]

They should stop.

[Guest or Co-host]

Yeah. Best one.

[Courtney]

Raspberry glazed.

[Renee]

And as we are speaking, sorry, tangential. If you are a food vendor and you would like. If you would like for tms, you'd like to sponsor us.

[Guest or Co-host]

Everyone who came here for this topic is already pissed. We haven't even got past point one.

[Renee]

But please come as possible.

[Guest or Co-host]

It's true, actually. Please.

[Renee]

But yeah. So I do think that there's been a normalization of success for a lot of women that makes it very difficult for them to feel like they can celebrate themselves or. Or it can feel very difficult for them to accept being celebrated by other people, especially because other people now expect them. The standard of success is to be expected.

[Guest or Co-host]

Yeah.

[Renee]

But I want to touch on very quickly what you alluded to around the social markers or the social milestones that we typically have as women.

[Courtney]

Right.

[Renee]

That are to be celebrated. So there is no celebration like the celebration women get when they get engaged.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

When they get married, when they announce a baby. Quite a lot of milestones that related to men. So talk to me about that. Courtney, stop it.

[Guest or Co-host]

You look like a meme right now.

[Renee]

Like, there you have it. So talk to me a little bit about that. What are your thoughts on the fact that still in 2026 we are seeing a lot of palava. Excitement, celebration. When women have milestones that are in some way connected to close proximity to men?

[Courtney]

You know, I think first of all, there's nothing wrong with it. Like, there's nothing wrong with celebrating your friend's engagement, marriage, Baby, baby shower, obviously. Please do.

[Guest or Co-host]

Because if you don't, you're gonna be looking suspicious. Gotta be looking suspicious.

[Courtney]

Okay. I think those are big, big things to celebrate. So it's not necessarily about, oh, we shouldn't celebrate these things because I think sometimes we can take, you know, the feminist arguments can go a bit too far.

[Guest or Co-host]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

And it's just, oh, I'm not salary.

[Guest or Co-host]

Okay. You got engaged.

[Courtney]

Not in achievement.

[Guest or Co-host]

Okay.

[Renee]

Yeah, that's.

[Guest or Co-host]

Yeah. Firstly,

[Renee]

do you know how much work you have to put in to get to that place? And even not.

[Courtney]

It's not even just about the work. I think it's about.

[Guest or Co-host]

It represents a companionship, which is lovely.

[Renee]

It's just delightful.

[Guest or Co-host]

This is a delightful thing. The same with having a child. The same with getting married. Slave. It's a delightful thing. So let's just not be running around helter skelter in the name of being contrarian.

[Renee]

Your act of physical.

[Guest or Co-host]

Yeah, please.

[Courtney]

So I think it's not about these things. These things are genuinely delightful. I think where the conversation is, is for people who maybe aren't experiencing those things. When do we celebrate them? Right. And even for the woman who is experiencing that, it kind of communicates like, damn, yo, I had all these milest in my education, all these milestones in my career, all these milestones in my. Even my personal life. Right. But you guys didn't make a whole hoo ha about that. But now there's a man involved. And I think it's because obviously a lot of us women have been socialized to dream of that pinnacle moment of our wedding day or the milestones of becoming a wife, becoming a mother as the highlight of our life. And it's the way that we are coached in general. Like, everything revolves around and everything is building towards that moment. And so everything else is just kind of like a means to an end. And even to some degree, in some cultural perspectives is actually a deviation from

[Guest or Co-host]

the real thing that we're getting to here. Yeah. Like, why are you getting a PhD at 25? When will you marry? Are you mad? Are you mad? He has to be madness. Hey, we're living in some tough times. Insane.

[Courtney]

So with that being said, I think we have to redefine to some degree what we think is worth celebrating for women and recognizing that anything that involved hard work, anything that involves some kind of tribulation, some kind of patience, some kind of work, some kind of, I don't know, Waiting, whatever that is, worth celebrating. Because there was a certain degree of suffering before it could be done. Whether it's hitting a weight loss milestone, whether it's buying a new car, whether it's passing your driving test, whether it's, you know, buying a house, recovering from an illness, whatever it might be. There was a contrasting moment, right. We were down. Now we're up. Because we was down bad, and we were down bad. And so the fact that you're back up, let's celebrate that. Which is, I guess, as much as it was jovial, that example of literally losing the will to live, you have to celebrate these moments when you actually

[Guest or Co-host]

do decide to live so that you can remember the excitement of living. Positive reinforcements is a powerful tool you might be laughing about. I'm someone who wants to give up. You know,

[Renee]

positive reinforcement.

[Guest or Co-host]

Positive reinforcements are so important, especially if you are suicidal. No, Biggest manta guys, I know humor

[Courtney]

is our coping mechanism, but a lot

[Guest or Co-host]

of people want to give up right now. They do.

[Courtney]

Like, a lot of people want to give up. And I think it's just reminding ourselves that life is worth living and that no matter how. I think what you were saying earlier so pertinent because a lot of people don't celebrate when people do things that already seem like the level at which they've achieved things in the past, but also when you make things look easy. Yeah, but we need to remember that things often aren't easy. Behind the scenes, people just mask.

[Renee]

Well, yeah, right. Yeah.

[Courtney]

And so it's still saying, hey, I see you. And I actually think all the effort that you've put into this, not only is this delightful, you deserve to also be reminded that you really did that. And as women, because we do mask so well, I think it's important for us to remember that, hey, the, The, The. The trophy isn't a man's affirmation. You can be proud of yourself for simply doing that. You did that. Like, and, And I think having people around you that just look at you and say, yeah, it doesn't even matter about everyone else's validation. Your own sense of accomplishment is worth celebrating. And so, yeah, that's. Those are kind of my thoughts on that. And just reminding ourselves that we are so much more than male validation. We are so much more than even the things that society pinpoint as the big milestones. But actually, we should still celebrate. And I think to myself around, like, now, having friends who, you know, we've journeyed from singleness and we're now seeing them married, and some are Trying for babies. Some are successfully getting pregnant, some are still waiting. And there's this sense of like, oh. Because it's like, damn, when will my moment of celebration kind of come? It's like, babe, you can celebrate the launch of that new product. We can celebrate. And we should celebrate the fact that you've got a new office or a new studio. We can celebrate that promotion at work. Don't feel like until you get the baby, we won't celebrate you again. Since your bridal shower, there are still milestones to celebrate. So let's celebrate them. And I think it helps to ease that pressure because it can feel like, oh, nothing eventful in my life is happening. You know, everyone is getting attention because they're getting engaged and they're getting married. But if we create a culture of celebration, then you'll never be jealous of someone else getting attention because you know, yours is just around the corner. Whether it's a proposal or it's a promotion or it's, hey, well done for getting out of bed this morning. You just know there's someone who sees you and recognize that you did something hard or you did something worth celebrating or you did something delightful. So here we are to celebrate you too.

[Renee]

I love that.

[Courtney]

Yeah, and I don't think it's bringing the bar low because I think some people hear that, oh, everyone's going to be celebrating everyone's participation.

[Guest or Co-host]

Participation, awards.

[Courtney]

But I think it's just the relativity of the fact that everyone is fighting their own demons. Like for some people, getting out of bed in the morning is so hard. Do you get what I mean? For some people, the fact that they got a job after how long of unemployment or they got their dream job after having to do fill in jobs. Do you get what I mean? Like people, everyone is up against their different things and so recognizing what is actually important to you. Let's celebrate that.

[Renee]

Oh, sorry.

[Guest or Co-host]

That is so funny. Participation in life.

[Renee]

Oh, we're just celebrating participation. No, but I love that. Like as you're speaking, it's making me think of the fact that a lot. It almost feels as though you're incomplete without these social market validation.

[Courtney]

Right.

[Renee]

It's the expectation that you need to achieve these milestones in order to be somebody in society. And I think it just plays back to a tale as old as time. Patriarchy, whereby implicitly your worth is defined by your proximity to this thing. Which also means proximity to this man.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

And one thing I wanted to touch on actually is how does social media play into this? Because for a Lot of us, part of the reason why we don't feel celebrated enough is because we don't have a culture or a community to be able to celebrate us. And so we use social media platforms as proxy or the benchmark as to what is worth celebrating. So how does social media play into women's understanding and conception of what is worth celebrating in my life?

[Courtney]

That's a good question. I'm interested to hear your thoughts. Actually, I. I think one, when you just see the metrics on a particular post, you know, like, I'll even speak

[Guest or Co-host]

personally, I don't mind, but my engagement post is one of my highest engaged posts.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Guest or Co-host]

If that makes sense. When I posted that, hey, I got

[Courtney]

engaged, I think obviously there's a shock

[Guest or Co-host]

value when I've built a community over like a decade.

[Courtney]

So I get that. But just the fanfare of like the trumpets, Jesus, you know, and. Oh, like. And I think you can relate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you can relate to that and stuff. And I think, yes, there is that. Like I said, we've built a community. So I understand this and I'm not problematizing it, but I think it just goes to show, like, we're invested. Do you get what I mean? And these are the type of things we're invested in. And that's. I think that's fine, but it just shows where we're at.

[Guest or Co-host]

Right.

[Courtney]

And I think social media, when you see the likes, the shares, and obviously these apps are optimized around getting us to be attached to those things. Right. There's a reason why after you posted your Instagram picture, you went back to

[Guest or Co-host]

open the app a million times.

[Renee]

Vibes.

[Guest or Co-host]

Because you want to see who's seen it, who's liked it, who's commented on it, have people shared it.

[Courtney]

Like, you don't have to be a

[Guest or Co-host]

content creator to be intoxicated by that.

[Renee]

I swear, now you can see on Instagram how many times somebody has seen it. So if someone keeps on coming. Yeah, they've got like a new update.

[Guest or Co-host]

Yeah, I need to be careful.

[Renee]

They will see that you viewed this thing.

[Guest or Co-host]

So there's one TikTok that I saw today. I think I, I even, I watch it. I think I've watched it about 17 times this one day that I've seen it. So funny. So it's a girl who's praying for God, the Garda football team, as you start the World cup, but she's praying in chi.

[Courtney]

And I always tell people, you think, you know chi until someone prays in

[Guest or Co-host]

chi, then you Realize you don't know words. You actually don't know anything. The.

[Courtney]

The names of God alone that she

[Guest or Co-host]

called at the beginning. I said, I don't even know my mother's eye. I don't know. It was so funny to me. I'll play it for you after. Not that you understand a single word,

[Courtney]

but it was just the energy with which she was praying was actually hilarious. But I need to be careful of my viewing because. Yeah, but basically, was I speaking or you speaking?

[Guest or Co-host]

Because you brought up. Oh, no, I could yap on, but I don't think I was speaking, but

[Courtney]

apparently it was me. So. Yeah, I do think that when you see the amount and you. The reason why, like you keep going back to open the app and how many likes and how many shares and. And like I said, you don't have to be a content creator data to be intoxicated by that. Yeah. Because the app is engineered to get you hooked on that. I even heard somewhere, speculation, allegedly.

[Guest or Co-host]

Oh, don't come for me.

[Courtney]

That apparently a lot of apps withhold showing you real data because they know you will keep coming back to see the updates in the data.

[Guest or Co-host]

Wow.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

I said drunk.

[Courtney]

A classic big drug.

[Renee]

Oh, my God.

[Courtney]

And so I think social media feeds the engine of. You want the affirmation. It's not even just about the milestone, it's the affirmation. And because obviously, you know, life reflects art and all of that stuff, social media is just a reflection of our social views and our social values. And so if we as a, as a society value in engagements and weddings, those are the posts that are going to get the most engagement, you know, and that's going to then further, I guess, validate you or make you covet the validation. Right. This person has a million likes on

[Guest or Co-host]

this view, on this post, you know, and it's like, damn, maybe I need to go and get knocked up. Or like, maybe I need to go and get proposed to get my engagement.

[Renee]

Results may vary.

[Guest or Co-host]

Results may actually vary. Right.

[Courtney]

But some people think like that, unfortunately. So, yeah, I think social media has become this feedback loop.

[Renee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Courtney]

Unfortunately, you know, we put in our societal views, our engagement reflects those views and it reinforces the value of those kind of moments.

[Guest or Co-host]

Right.

[Courtney]

But yeah. What do you think?

[Renee]

That was such a deeply sociological answer.

[Courtney]

Thank you.

[Renee]

I'm really.

[Courtney]

I think I might be going back to school. I know. So every time I bring up going. Yeah, every time I bring up going back to school, you know who is.

[Guest or Co-host]

I think they're about to slap me. Claude.

[Renee]

Yeah. I was just thinking if he listened

[Courtney]

to me, Claude is gonna.

[Guest or Co-host]

In our next meeting.

[Courtney]

You guys have had. We've had Claude on the podcast before. Remember the episode with Kenny and Claude?

[Guest or Co-host]

Anyway, Claude is one of my mentors

[Courtney]

and he is so on my head top.

[Guest or Co-host]

He's here. He's perched like Claude Williams is sat right here every time I bring up masters. Relax, relax.

[Courtney]

Not because he doesn't want me to

[Guest or Co-host]

be an educated queen, but he needs. I need to do a couple things that I said I'd do first for going back to school.

[Courtney]

But yeah, I would like to go back to school.

[Guest or Co-host]

Someone would like to fund it.

[Renee]

Please.

[Guest or Co-host]

This is me putting my hat in the circle.

[Renee]

No, Courtney, we've asked for so many things this episode.

[Guest or Co-host]

You asked for donuts, I'm asking for education.

[Renee]

Heaven forbid, Heaven forbid a girl is fed and educated. Guys, this is actually the difference between me and Courtney. I'm so short sighted. I'm so short sighted, I'm not seeing the mission.

[Courtney]

Gosh.

[Guest or Co-host]

Oh, Lord Jesus, please, But please help us. For both of us, you both, whatsoever I. Education. If it comes with donuts, we'll take it. If it doesn't, we'll still take it.

[Renee]

But yeah, education. So we can supply her with donuts when she finishes. Anyways, so.

[Guest or Co-host]

Yeah. What do you think?

[Renee]

Social media and celebration. I think what's interesting is I was watching, I can't remember the YouTube creator, but they posted a video on the celebritization of big celebrations online.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

So thinking about things like the proposals or, you know, the engagements, the weddings, all of a sudden it's become a big production.

[Courtney]

Yeah. People can literally launch their whole career.

[Renee]

And I can't remember the name of the babe, but she's got a whole like 60 part series about her upcoming wedding. Like it was highly produced and her whole content was on. Like finding a man, going on the dates, finding the right person. I can't remember her name. It escapes me. But anyways. And it just had me reflecting on. Not only does social media, like compel people to think that this is the norm.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

It also means that your expectation of what is worth celebrating is extreme. So even the things that people would normally celebrate, the engagements. Ah. Suddenly, if you didn't have a drone flying around, if you did, if you didn't, if. If he didn't put your name in

[Guest or Co-host]

the sky, if there's no planes for us, there are millions of candles and flowers.

[Renee]

Yet heaven forbid that man proposes in a restaurant.

[Guest or Co-host]

Are you posting? But I already have my personal feelings

[Renee]

but all of a sudden, it's not even just the actual things that are worth celebrating.

[Courtney]

The manner.

[Renee]

Right. The production value of it. And I think that's really scary because now we've gotten to a place where our whole life lives, even the moments that we celebrate as a society, they have now become a production. It's not even just about celebrating for celebrating sake. It's now celebrating so I can continue to be validated by people watching and consuming me.

[Courtney]

At this point, it becomes performative.

[Renee]

It's scary. It's so scary.

[Guest or Co-host]

Yeah.

[Renee]

Because now there's trailers. It's giving, mixtape dropping, baby. Such and such committed. Does the baby know they're coming to this?

[Guest or Co-host]

They don't know.

[Renee]

They don't know.

[Guest or Co-host]

They don't know.

[Renee]

In fact, they may not come on the day that you expected.

[Guest or Co-host]

They're afraid.

[Renee]

They're afraid. And so I think this added layer, this dimension of our viewership on social media and feeling like you have been. You're being watched is very, very scary.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

And it means that the things that were society is child. They look at you like, oh, we can celebrate you. But not as much as I'll celebrate this stranger that put like 10 racks behind their engagement. You will have some of your own friends that will be reposting Molly May and company. But to celebrate you, not Molly May. Stop it. You're so annoying.

[Guest or Co-host]

Gotta bring Molly May.

[Renee]

I love Molly Mae. She's a great person. Yeah. National Treasure and Tommy Fury. I love their family, God bless them. But I think it is faintly dystopian.

[Guest or Co-host]

Yeah.

[Renee]

That people are more willing to celebrate celebrities who are far out of reach, who you have so far likely never met.

[Guest or Co-host]

Yeah.

[Renee]

But your friend has launched their business or your friend has given birth, or your friend may even be sharing the same milestone as that person. But a comment you won't put, a message you won't send.

[Courtney]

Very dystopian.

[Renee]

It's dystopian. Like these people, like people that are genuinely close to you. What is it that's holding you back from saying, oh, congratulations.

[Guest or Co-host]

Yeah.

[Renee]

What's in your chest?

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

You know, So I think, I think it also eschews our sense of what is important, even within our own community and friendships. We're putting more energy behind people that we don't know.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

We actually do not know them. Just because you know of them doesn't mean that you know them.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

But the people that you know. Well.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

You have not celebrated. Your friend told you that. Oh, she's been interviewing for how many months? Do you know how hard it is to get a job in this economy? Me. She got a job. You didn't call. Hello. You haven't celebrated even as you were saying the small things. Your friend has been struggling with anxiety and depression. You haven't called to say, congrats, you made it today. Yeah.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

Even yourself. To celebrate yourself. You will celebrate a celebrity before you celebrated yourself on your small milestones. And all the while we're doing this, we are quietly comparing. Quietly comparing. Quietly comparing our lives. Like, oh, I didn't have as much of a production. Yeah, it's even worth celebrating. I want to be quiet about this. I want to be quiet about this. Is this worth celebrating? Because I didn't have this. This brand. I want to be quiet about this. I even need to redo this because I didn't do it. Oh, I didn't make it. To Bella Naija for my is too much.

[Guest or Co-host]

Let's all straighten out ourselves. We're all in a bit of a crumple.

[Renee]

You are focusing so much on the optics. It's not even celebration anymore. You are focusing so much on the optics of celebration rather than the milestone itself.

[Courtney]

That's a word.

[Renee]

What are we doing? What are we doing? Social media is actually a circus. It's a circus. It's a circus. And we are all clowns if we continue to partake in this way. Clowns. It's true.

[Guest or Co-host]

It's true.

[Courtney]

I hear it.

[Renee]

So I think we absolutely need to radically redefine what is worth celebrating in real life.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

But also online as well. Yeah, but we have to start with real life because often we go to the online because we lack something in real life.

[Guest or Co-host]

Yeah.

[Renee]

So I guess to round up the conversation a little bit, what does it look like to create a culture in real life of celebrating yourself but also celebrating the women around you?

[Courtney]

How to create a culture of celebration? I think first of all, start by celebrating things that are big.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Guest or Co-host]

Because some people don't even do that. So let's all just take a step back.

[Renee]

Yeah. Chill out.

[Guest or Co-host]

I recognize that there are some social milestones that we must celebrate.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Guest or Co-host]

They're quite big. Whether you are good at reading social cues or not. This is. I'm letting you know that there are some things we celebrate.

[Courtney]

Yeah. So birthdays, what do we call it? Weddings, christenings, the baby showers. Baby showers.

[Guest or Co-host]

All of the big things that come with invitations. If it comes to the invitation, you have to celebrate.

[Courtney]

But I think then the next step is taking time to just communicate how proud you are of someone like that alone is such a big milestone or such a big gesture.

[Renee]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

To someone. Like, it doesn't have to be big. I think sometimes we think of things as big. Like we've said before, like, oh, send flowers, which I think some of us can do at some point, or give a gift card. But at the same time, like, you were talking about the economy. Sometimes it's hard to celebrate people monetarily. Like, even with the, I guess the big social milestones, you know, birthdays and stuff like that, sometimes the barrier to entry is so high or the barrier to participation is so high that it's like I can't even be involved. So let's just go back to the basics of just expressing through a message, through a phone call, through a voice note, through a comment. I am so proud of you. This is absolutely amazing. Like, one thing that I do often is if my friend is starting a new job, I'll put the date in my calendar, then I'll call them and I'll. Or I'll send them a voice note to be like. Or even a text and just be like, I'm really praying for you as you start your new job. They'll be like, oh, my gosh, yay. Because they didn't think anyone would remember, but it's like, no, this is a big deal. And yeah, you know, so here are the blessings. Go with them. So just messaging someone or, you know, just letting them know, I'm really proud of you. This was a really big thing. Also, I think something that's helpful is when you've conf. When you have. When you can sense your friend is diminishing their achievement or dumbing it down a little bit or, you know, minimizing it. Amp it back up, Maximize it. Maximize it. I'm. I, like, really take great pride in the fact that if you're around me and you're starting to make it seem small. No biggie.

[Guest or Co-host]

Again, make it big again. I will now raise my voice.

[Courtney]

I say, hey, we're not gonna skip past that.

[Renee]

I'm making noise.

[Guest or Co-host]

I'm making noise.

[Renee]

Hey,

[Guest or Co-host]

I'm making noise because what you're not gonna do.

[Renee]

Oh, my God.

[Courtney]

That mean

[Renee]

yes,

[Guest or Co-host]

But I'm making noise now.

[Courtney]

Because what you're not going to do

[Guest or Co-host]

is make your achievement sound small. You're not just going to glaze over. Oh, yeah, I got a promotion at work. But, you know, or, oh, I've got. I passed my Dr. You're not going to say that small. We are making noise. Spread it Spread it. Spreading commotion, commotion, commotion. So that's a great way that you can create a culture of celebration. Make noise, make be a noise maker.

[Renee]

That's gonna be the meme that we send out in the mailing list.

[Courtney]

Because we have to celebrate.

[Guest or Co-host]

We have to. To celebrate. Okay, Yeah, I do this. The thing about Kelvin hates me, Cuz. Kel, Kelvin is a minimizer. Kelvin is my husband, but Kelvin is a minimizer. I am a maximizer. Like, I. I will actually go get pots and pans. I will start dancing for you because you have to make this a big deal.

[Courtney]

And I think it's because, like I

[Guest or Co-host]

said growing up, it was. These things are not big deals. Even your birthday, sometimes it can come and go. No one will have said anything.

[Courtney]

So, like, now I'm like a big nose.

[Guest or Co-host]

Hey. In the morning, like, I was shocked him to wake up because I'm like, this is the day. Hello. So, yeah, create a culture of celebration by actually celebrating being loud about your celebration as well.

[Courtney]

Even if it's not about the money. It's about the celebration and the pride. That's it.

[Renee]

No, I completely agree, man. It really is. You just gotta make noise about it, babe.

[Courtney]

That's it.

[Renee]

And you gotta practice it as well.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

I think sometimes you have to give yourself permission to celebrate yourself too. Yeah, sometimes just something small. Again, we've spoken about the fact that food is not a reward. However, sometimes at the end of our tough week, I will go get myself a cupcake and I'll say, renee, congrats. It's not a happy birthday, but it's a happy week. You got through it.

[Guest or Co-host]

Happy week.

[Renee]

It's a happy week.

[Guest or Co-host]

Happy week.

[Courtney]

Congrats,

[Renee]

bro. I'll get the latest cupcake that says co. Congratulations on it.

[Courtney]

You know, sometimes I tick the, you know, the Amazon option to make this a gift.

[Renee]

A gift?

[Courtney]

Yes, from me.

[Guest or Co-host]

Give me the card. Who is this? It's a gift. Me. What a big surprise.

[Renee]

No, it's from me. I did the same. Literally, when I started my new job, I ordered myself something, I wrote a message to myself, and it came off.

[Courtney]

As you should.

[Guest or Co-host]

As you should.

[Renee]

This is so exciting. Oh, this is so kind. Thank you, Renee.

[Guest or Co-host]

As you should.

[Renee]

So I think in order to be able to celebrate other people, you have to also practice celebrating yourself. It's a must, because how will you set pace if you're not doing this for you? Like, the world is such a bleak, bland place.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

That you're now gonna succumb to everybody's drabness because you didn't get yourself something. In fact, ladies, if you're listening, there's at least one thing you can celebrate for yourself.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

Today. Something. Something. This week. Ah, you're probably listening. I don't know when you're listening. Sunday, whether it's the end of the week. Celebrate.

[Guest or Co-host]

That is the end.

[Renee]

Whether it's the start of the week. Celebrate. We made it, you know, so I think practicing it practically with the small stuff is so important. Otherwise, we think that celebration is only about the big milestones with the big stuff. Celebration really is about the small things, man. And I love that you're also so intentional with like. Like friends, you know? I mean.

[Courtney]

Yeah, you too.

[Renee]

I mean, like, it's the small things that matter. It's the small things. And then you can graduate to the big things every day. Oh, yeah. We're gonna celebrate by all expenses.

[Guest or Co-host]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

Yeah. Please, guys, let's do it.

[Renee]

For me specifically, I would love it, but I know that you have to make a request. Name you have to present.

[Guest or Co-host]

It's true. You have to ask or you won't get.

[Renee]

You have to ask. But sisters, let us know.

[Guest or Co-host]

Yeah.

[Renee]

What is something that you are celebrating about yourself this week? Let's. Let's share some love. Drop something. And then if you see a sister in the comments. Celebrating something. Comment.

[Guest or Co-host]

Yes.

[Renee]

Oh, they can never make me hate Nigeria.

[Courtney]

Nigeria.

[Renee]

Stop. Oh, my goodness.

[Guest or Co-host]

Let's be celebrating. Let's celebrate.

[Renee]

We need to do one tms.

[Guest or Co-host]

It's actually so celebrate. Yeah.

[Renee]

But sisters, we hope you enjoyed this episode. We absolutely adore you. And if you want to hear a bit more about us and come celebrate us.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Renee]

You can follow us on all the social media platforms at to my sisterhood. Pretty much across the gaff, everywhere we're there. And of course, if you want to follow us individually, you can follow my lovely celebrita when you join there. Yeah, Celebrita. And then come and celebrate me over at Renee Maffadon.

[Courtney]

We love to see you make sure you sign up to the. To my sister's mailing list. We literally send a newsletter every week filled with amazing tips, journal prompts and any notifications and exclusive access to events, scents, products, things that we are dropping and bringing to the sisterhood. So sign up on our website to my sisters dot com. It is free. So why wouldn't you do it? You know? And I guess we'll see you in our next episode. As always, keep glowing and growing. Sam.