← To My Sisters
To My Sisters
You're Not The Only One Who's Bored: How to Align Yourself with the Life You ACTUALLY Want
01:06:34
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- [00:02]
Renee
Race the rudders.
- [00:03]
Courtney
Race the sails. Race the sails. Captain, an unidentified ship is approaching. Over. Roger, wait. Is that an enterprise sales solution?
- [00:13]
Renee
Reach sales professionals, not professional sailors. With LinkedIn ads, you can target the right people by industry, job title and more. We'll even give you a $100 credit on your next campaign. Get started today at LinkedIn.com campaign terms and conditions apply. Living life in purpose.
- [00:36]
Courtney
Life is so much more than just that.
- [00:38]
Renee
We have glamorized purpose.
- [00:40]
Courtney
Redefine what you define purpose as.
- [00:43]
Renee
That you're constantly validating through the eyes and the applause of other people.
- [00:49]
Courtney
Purpose is also relationships. Purpose is also personal growth.
- [00:52]
Renee
You'll actually find yourself so far from your originally intended destination.
- [00:57]
Courtney
My ability for certain things is closing.
- [01:02]
Renee
You will end up so far in the wrong direction, but by the time that you get there, you won't realize that you're northeast instead of north.
- [01:12]
Courtney
Hello and welcome to the To My Sisters podcast. I'm Courtney.
- [01:15]
Renee
And I'm Renee. And we are your online sisters and hosts of the 2 My Sisters podcast.
- [01:20]
Courtney
We are all about promoting the wellness, growth and development of a community of sisters around the world.
- [01:25]
Renee
And in today's podcast episode, we're going to be talking about living life in purpose. How to align your your life with the life that you actually want.
- [01:34]
Courtney
Simple.
- [01:35]
Renee
A purpose filled podcast episode, as it were. And very excited for today's conversation. But before we get into that, do we have any housekeeping announcements? Have we been sweeping the house?
- [01:46]
Courtney
I think we're good for now. Check the description. There might be an event popping up near you which you can attend, so check if there's tickets.
- [01:53]
Renee
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So make sure that you're all clued up with all of that. It seems like we'd be keeping the house sweat, sweat and clean and clean. Which means we can dive straight into the ding, ding, ding, ding. I ain't gonna lie to you, sis. This one is a little bit emotionally loaded.
- [02:07]
Courtney
Okay.
- [02:08]
Renee
All right. Hey, sisters.
- [02:10]
Courtney
Hello.
- [02:11]
Renee
I'm a 21 year old medical student from Ethiopia. This year broke me. I found out my dad's a serial cheater. He saves girls numbers on the male names and sends them disgusting texts.
- [02:23]
Courtney
Yikes.
- [02:25]
Renee
In one he said a girl, not my mom, is the reason he's alive. It shattered me because I grew up thinking he was a godly honest man. My mom, the most beautiful and wise woman, gave up her career for him. She washes his clothes, sold her jewelry to support him, and he still crushed her. She cries daily, but stays because she's financially dependent. On him. Even the court dismissed it. Watching this has ruined me. I don't want to end up like her. I want to give her the life she deserves. But here, doctors earn a lot of money. Even though doctors earn a lot of money, it's not enough. I plan to study and work in China, but I can't afford the process now. I'm anxious, numb, depressed. I cry, pray, manifest, then lose myself again. I'm disconnected from my studies and trapped in a strict household. I'm not even allowed dorms. I'm not asking for fun, just freedom. I need help. Please.
- [03:17]
Courtney
This is a heavy one indeed. Girl, that is a lot to handle. Especially at 21, finding out that the idea and perception that you had of your dad is not actually true. That is soul shattering. And so I definitely want to acknowledge and hold space for the fact that you have been dealt a big, big, big blow, especially how much you love and just admire your mom. Like, that's a huge betrayal towards her and towards your family. So this is a huge blow to have to absorb. Number one, I would say, as much as your perception of your dad has been shattered, allow yourself to feel that. To feel that. Like, deeply, deeply feel that. Be angry, but be frustrated. Do whatever. Feel all the feelings. And I can't put a prescribed time on how long that's going to be to take. Many of us go, especially with parents, especially with fathers, if I'm going to be honest. We go through a very, very long journey, sometimes of years of being able to forgive and look at them the same way or in a different way. That's a bit healthier than just being disgusted and ashamed and angry. And honestly, you don't have to rush through that process at all. I think there's space for your feelings to. To exist and for you to work through, like, slowly but surely to actually get to a point where you don't despise your dad. It may look like having some space away from him if you can, or maybe just having conversations with him as well. I know as an African child, it can be very hard to, quote, unquote, confront your parents on certain things. But I do think there's space for you to. To voice out, like, hey, Dad, I found out this stuff about you and it really hurt me. Like, that really, really hurt me. And if there is an opportunity to have some kind of conf. Conversation there about that, I definitely would say explore that conversation. And if there isn't that place, I would definitely say spend some time, like talking with your mom, seeing how she's doing really just letting her know that hey, you see her, you understand what's going on and you're really here to support her in some kind of way. I think this is a great opportunity to you to just constantly reassure her and reaffirm her of her worth and her value and the fact that she is all these things that you said in your dilemma, you know, she is wise, she's all of these different things. She's loving, she's caring, she's made so many sacrifices for your family. Cuz I'm sure she's in a period where she's wondering, I did all of these, these things and this is what I'm being paid back with. And that must be so frustrating. And she may feel so isolated especially if she's trying to find. Tried to find some way to maybe step away from the situation. And as you were saying, it's been denied to her. Just letting your mum know, especially if your mum maybe doesn't have that many friends or even if she does, being able to tell her like mum, I see you and I understand what you're going through and I just want to let you know that I am here for you. I think that that's such a beautiful thing that you could do in this period as well, especially to form a closer bond with your mom in the time where your bond with your dad may be failing a little bit. The other thing that I would say is completely understand maybe this feeling of powerlessness that you have around being able to provide something for your mother. Being able to step away from the household by even just going away for university, let alone leaving the country. And there are some ways if you can, that maybe whilst you're living at home you can draw boundaries that allow you to have your own space and your own time. Go for walks if you can, just so that you can have some head space, space outside of being at home. If you can journal then maybe do that and like you can have a space where you can just express what you're feeling. Maybe you can just speak to. If you can have access to a therapist or a counselor or a friend, somebody who can help you process through your thoughts outside of your household. And I would definitely recommend if you can, when you can, changing your environment, even if it's not somewhere else, you live just being somewhere else. Taking time to go to a friend's house, taking time to go to a library, wherever you can go that is your space. A walk around a park or a walk, a designated time where you go on A walk to just process your own thoughts. I would definitely recommend having some boundaries around your time so that you can process and you can feel like your life is not completely consumed by being in the family and being in the family drama as well. Especially if you're household, I can imagine is filled with a lot of tension. Yeah, that can be so exhausting. And so it's okay to say, like, hey, I need to take a break from this and take it whether it's momentary or maybe a bit longer now in terms of practically your work situation and being able to move to China. Just because China isn't a possibility now doesn't mean it should be taken off the table completely. It's okay for you to be like, okay, I'm unable to do it right now, but it's still an ambition that I have. And I would say explore options if you possibly can. Are there scholarships? Are there grants? Are there opportunity just around you through school programs or private donors who could help sponsor you to get and attain this dream? These things are not far fetched. They are doable. Like, you got a Ren. You, Renee, you got a scholarship to go to do your masters. Like these things are possible if you look for, for them. And obviously like they, they can seem few and far between. But who says that you can't be the one who, who lands it? And so have a look, you know, and if it's not China, have a look. The States, Europe, all these other. Australia, wherever. All these other places you could go to study. All these other places where you could go where maybe doctors do earn more and there is that kind of like currency arbitrage where you can earn in a high, higher currency and send it back home, I think the way you're thinking is very noble. And whilst it may be fueled by the pain and the grief that has come with this fresh revelation of your dad's antics, which are wild, absolutely wild. I definitely think that you should allow yourself the time to also process and not kick yourself into this overdrive that makes you, like you were saying, riddled with anxiety. Because you don't have to have it all figured out right now. And you never know, maybe God has closed that door to you traveling because you need to be a support system for your family, especially in the midst of such turbulence. We never know why certain doors are closed in our lives as well as why certain doors open. And so lean into what you currently have, which is the pieces of your family that are left, and try your best to cultivate those strong bonds. Now I don't know if you have siblings, but maybe this is an opportunity for you to actually, you know, tighten your relationship with them. I'm sure that they may also be completely frazzled by whatever is going on or, you know, show up for your mom's your mom in different ways. It's not just financial contribution. Maybe the joy of you excess excelling academically could bring her joy in this time where it would be very easy to fall into depression. Maybe you just bringing her a bouquet of flowers or saying, okay, mom, I'm gonna cook tonight, don't worry, I've got your back. Or mum, come on this walk with me, whatever it is, little pockets of joy that you can enjoy together as well as for yourself. So that's what I would say. How about you?
- [10:49]
Renee
No, I think that was a brilliantly comprehensive answer. Like he literally touched on everything. Everything. I don't think there's too much to add to that. I think I would very much echo the sentiment around. First of all, this is a very painful thing that you've experienced. It's really painful. Especially when for a lot of us, our parents can be our superheroes. And you mentioned, and obviously the presentation of your father as a godly, honest man. It can be really, really soul destroying. Even when people that are meant to be upholders of certain ideals that we have and our primary caregivers essentially are people that fall short of not just ours, but also their own standards. I think the only thing that I would really add is like try not to take too much false responsibility on yourself to remedy the situation.
- [11:36]
Courtney
Yeah.
- [11:37]
Renee
I think as a natural response to obviously your mother going through her and your father wilding, it can feel as though it is basically on you to make things happy and happen in your family, whether it be naturally you want to take care of your mother. But remember that the fullness of that responsibility doesn't just fall on you as a result of something that was done to both your mother and you. And also the fullness of the responsibility of your father's infidelity as well doesn't fall on you. I think a natural response is also, you know, you don't want that situation to be you and you don't want to be in that kind of place. And the. One of the best ways that you can ensure that that's not you is taking all of the opportunities that you felt that your mother was unable to at the time. The fact that as Court mentioned, you know, there's so many potential opportunities that you could take up. Maybe it's Not China right now, but it's somewhere else at another time. So I think even in terms of your mindset towards your life and the things that you want to achieve, don't close down doors because you are thinking about the now and the situations that arise in between your parents. But one of the best ways that you can liberate yourself from the situation is actually also preparing for your future as well. And even in terms of taking care of your mom, it doesn't even necessarily have to be suit like very expensive to take care of her, just things being mindful, being there the flowers is such a great idea. Offering an ear when you can, but also maintaining obviously the boundary of you are the daughter and not don't parentify yourself in the situation and with the heart of trying to absorb the grief and the experience that your mother is going through, this one is a tough one as well. Whenever we experience any kind of heartbreak, I think I wouldn't say time heals all wounds, but I would say that it doesn't. It certainly helps remedy a lot of things. And I think experiencing this heartbreak initially, it may take you time to bounce back, even in terms of your relationship with your parents, whether it be finding some kind of middle ground to be able to engage with your father whenever you're ready to having a relationship with your mother that is fruitful but also doesn't feel too costly towards you as well. These kind of things will take trial and error and they'll actually take time as well. So make sure that even as you're investing in your career and investing in the relationship with your mother, you're also investing in other relationships around you as well. Draw from the friends that you have outside of your family. Sometimes the best thing that you need when your family is wilding is just your friends. Because your friends are actually outside of the situation and they can be a bit more. They actually have enough love to give you in this season, especially when parental figures or family figures are unable to do that. So use this as an opportunity to tap into the friends that you have and tap into the love that exists above and beyond your family as well. But yeah, that's what I would say. And sis, we're sending you so much love. So many of us have gone through quite heartbreaking familial situations and I'm sure there's a whole ton of sisters that probably resonate with this particular experience of just. Yeah. When your idea of everything that your caregiver supposed to be is shattered and the reality of the humanity. But also the moral failings of a lot of our parents can just come to light so quickly and quite sharply. And having to confront that doubly as a child, but also as an adult can be really, really tough. So we're sending you all our love and prayers and sisters. If you have been through something similar, if you're going through something similar, if you're trying to find a way to relate to your parents right now and you're going through a tough time, Girls, we need the supports. Please, please, please. If you're listening to this, drop it like it's hot in the comments below. What are some of the ways that you've been able to process, heal? What are some of the situations that you have been through? How is the dynamic within your family, like community, ecosystem? Like, give a girl some tips because a SIS is going to need as much support as possible to get through this season. So sending lots and lots of love, sis. But moving on into the heart of the conversation, living in purpose. And funnily enough, I think the dilemma kind of touched on it just a little bit in terms of, you know, this whole idea of not wanting to replicate things that may have happened in the past, wanting to move courageously into a future that you believe is, you know, purpose filled. And I think sometimes, especially with this hyper visible society that we're living in, we conflate living in purpose with the things, the tangible things that we see in people's lives. Right. The achievements. I know in one of our other episodes we were talking about announcement culture and how everybody's always got something to show about what they're they're doing. Right. What are your thoughts on achievements, accolades and alignment with purpose? So is it necessary that. Not even necessary is the only way in which we can measure up or showcase that we're living in purpose is through the fruit that we display. Or is there more to the story of alignment and stepping into purpose than the things that we can show?
- [16:49]
Courtney
Yeah, great question. I definitely think so. I think there's more that we can show to being in purpose than just accolades and achievements and these announceable milestone moments. Like, these things are great. Don't get wrong, don't get it twisted. Love a good success story, Love a good moment. Yeah. And I think it's. It's moments where you can say, like, oh, I can pinpoint to this specific event, occasion, moment of victory that represents my entire story arc or the process that I've been going through. So it's a graduation, a proposal, whatever it is. Like, those moments are Absolutely. Absolutely fantastic. However, I think the dangers of. I think the dangers of conflating purpose with those big milestone moments or accolade moments is it can draw you out of the pacing and the sequencing of your life. Like, we can chase those moments. Don't let's not deny it. Those moments bring highs. Like, okay, when I'm being applauded, when I'm being congratulated, when people are saying, hey, like, well done for that, because it's something that's so easy to understand as a win, I can begin to chase that. I can begin to chase that approval and that affirmation. And so I now may be tempted to start doing things which are actually out of alignment for my life that actually bring that affirmation and that validation. So, for example, growing up, this may seem like a more trivial example, but I think it does align quite well. Like growing up being told like, oh, you know, be a doctor, a lawyer, an accountant, engineer, whatever, something that felt more like the African parent, parents dream. That is very much something that could be seen as an accolade. Right. And so it would be easy to chase something like that if you are looking for a sense of validation and affirmation from whatever source.
- [18:42]
Renee
Yeah.
- [18:43]
Courtney
But are you really living in alignment with your purpose and calling if you are purely chasing this achievement for the affirmation sake, for the validation sake, and it's not coming from a place of internal knowing that this is my path and this is the path that I really want to pursue? If we're chasing accolades, we can easily find ourselves in misalignment with our actual purpose. It's not to say these two things cannot coexist. The thing that is the big accolade can also turn out to be your purpose.
- [19:13]
Renee
Yeah.
- [19:13]
Courtney
And your calling and your. Your portion for your future. But for a lot of us, there will be a decision we have to make. Am I chasing applause or am I chasing purpose? Am I chasing people's affirmation and their validation, or am I chasing my own fulfillment? And for a lot of people, they forfeit one for the other. And that's why I think we shouldn't just. We shouldn't just observe whether we're in purpose based on the achievements, and especially the achievements that warrant a particular public response. So you could still be in alignment, still flourishing, still being fruitful without people applauding you on Instagram, without people even seeing it and being prevented, privy to what's going on, or without it seeming like this universal accolade, like your victory may be something so subjective and specific and unique to you and your journey, but it's still something that warrants celebration and it's still something that, that deserves to be seen and said, hey, like, I'm living a purpose filled life here. Like, there is no trophy for healing. There isn't. There is no Instagram and Instagram and Instagrammable moment for overcoming trauma. There is, there isn't. These things, you know what I mean? But those things are still living a purpose filled and purposeful life. And so chasing accolades can derail us sometimes and can shift our perspective from what's important. Like, I love the analogy you gave, even in the question about, okay, should you be producing fruit? For it to seem like you are living in purpose and fruit is important, but fruit is only the final part of the process. There are other things that prove who you are and what you're capable of, but they are currently in the process of being developed. When you are an apple tree and you're a seed, you still hold. You're still living in purpose because this is the season for you to be a seed. Do you get what I mean? Then when you are put in the ground and you're living underground and growing roots, people may not see you and say, oh my gosh, these apples are so wonderful because you don't have fruits yet. But because you understand the season you're in, you understand I'm underground growing roots at the moment and this is me fulfilling purpose because this is my season to grow roots. And when you start shooting up and you start growing branches, whilst people may not see visible fruit yet, you understand, again, this is a part of the process and this is the season that I'm in. If I just skip to the process of being juice, what usually happens actually, or, or just being an apple, what usually happens is you're artificial because you don't go through the process. What you have is actually inauthentic to who you are. So if you want to synthesize your success, it's going to be synthetic, it's not going to be natural, it's not going to be embedded, it's not going to be authentic and true to your identity. And if you want to live a life of authenticity, you can't afford to rush the process. You have to recognize that in this season I am being purposeful for because I am yielding to what I must be in this season.
- [22:16]
Renee
Yeah.
- [22:18]
Courtney
So don't rush it. Fruit looks different. Fruit looks very, very different. It's not just the final product. Sometimes it's the branches Sometimes it's the roots.
- [22:26]
Renee
That's beautiful, man.
- [22:27]
Courtney
Yeah, that's really beautiful. How about you?
- [22:29]
Renee
I think. No, I think everything that you said was delightful. It's very, very. We ate on that very well. I think that we. I definitely agree. I think that we need to get used to purpose not being sexy. I think, and we've spoken about this a number of times on. On this podcast about the fact that we have glamorized purpose. It's something that you're constantly validating through the eyes and the applause of other people. But the thing is, you. If you. I think there's that saying that if you live by the applause, you'll die by their criticism.
- [23:04]
Courtney
Criticism.
- [23:05]
Renee
And when you are aligned with your purpose, following your calling or following the things that you genuinely believe that God has placed on the inside of your heart, there will be seasons where you actually have nothing to show for it. The only thing that you may have to show for it are things that are like, the types of fruit are not necessarily the fruits that can be picked by other people, but they're only things that can be consumed in close proximity to you. For example, if God is doing a work on your character to ensure that you can actually live out the sustainability of the calling that he's called you to, then the fruit will not necessarily be the cars or the house or anything like that until maybe much later, but there is the fruit of that you can speak to, which is actually your character. People actually enjoy being around you now, whereas in a previous season, you were a bully. And that sometimes is even more impactful than the fruit or the tangible, materialistic things that we often associate with somebody living in purpose. I think even within, you know, faith circles, a lot of us are gassed up on the juice of prosperity gospel because they're so easy to see. But realistically, like, God is concerned with the matters of the heart, and it's from that, like, the heart posture is what produces a lot of those things, but more importantly, other things that are more important to the life of a believer. And I think that getting used to the fact that purpose will not be sexy. Like, it's actually okay. And we spoke about this in another episode around the whole cocooning season, Right. Like, there will be moments where we have to go through the valley or moments where we have to go through, like, really tough times or really challenging times where we'll simultaneously have to be hidden away for a period of time. Does that mean that we're out of purpose? No. If anything, that's actually A flag that we're in purpose. Because purpose, again, it's just not sexy. It's not cool. It's not like, purpose can be fun, but it's not always fun.
- [25:02]
Courtney
Yeah.
- [25:03]
Renee
Like when we think of, for example, like, Jesus, his purpose was not sexy. That was not glamorous. To actually die on a cross, that was painful, that was hard, that was challenging. And in fact, like, to be on the cross and then to be criticized, to be spat on, to be vilified. I think it's decoupling this idea of purpose being something whereby we will constantly be loved by people in that way, or rather adored and followed and idolized by people. There will be periods of you following your purpose or doing things which will require you to be unpopular.
- [25:38]
Courtney
Yeah.
- [25:39]
Renee
And I think that that's why alignment is important, because you know that you're on the right track even when it's uncomfortable. Like, when I even think of, like, retainers, for example. Retainers are really uncomfortable and awkward to put on. Or braces, like, oh, my gosh, this thing hurts when I first put it on. Or there will be some times where you've had your br adjusted and they hurt. And like, eating and cleaning and all of that stuff is really uncomfortable. But actually, that's how you know that you are actually perfectly in alignment because it's producing a straighter set of teeth for you. It's producing and correcting some of the imperfections or some of the issues that you were dealing with. But if you were to go judging by how you felt and judging by the final product of, oh, my teeth need to be this wide or they need to feel this way, then you would never benefit from that season or that period that's actually necessary, that's uncomfortable. But you're still in alignment. So it's really seeing purpose, almost like wearing braces. It's good for you. It's necessary. It's going to be uncomfortable, but you're on the right track because of the discomfort that you feel away from the cameras because of preceding the public adoration and love that we may get in in social media and offline you. It is getting to grips with the fact that I know that I'm in alignment because I'm uncomfortable, and I know that I'm producing fruit. That may not be something that every single person can chop, but the people that need to chop it at this particular time can do so. And I think it actually leads quite nicely on to another point that I wanted to discuss around the idolization of busyness. I think when we are living in purpose, the temptation is to be a busybody. You are constantly around things or people or environments that you link to. I'm living, I'm walking in my purpose. So I'm booked and busy. My calendar is right. You try and ask for some. That someone tries to ask for your time and maybe I got time. Sorry, it needs to be a coffee catch up. It needs to be 10 minutes or something like that. I don't have time to afford you because I'm living in my purpose.
- [27:44]
Courtney
Yeah.
- [27:45]
Renee
How do we distinguish between a life that is purposeful and meaningful and one that is simply busy?
- [27:53]
Courtney
Yeah. Such a good question. I think one having that perspective of purpose as being booked and busy and my calendar is filled up is very much so just capitalistic. It's a fruit of capitalism. Like your productivity doesn't have to just be led, doesn't have to just be measured by how much work you are doing. Like laborious work that you are doing because there's so much more to life than just your work output.
- [28:21]
Renee
Yeah.
- [28:22]
Courtney
And in a capitalist world, we are often told like you are the value of how much you can output from a commercial standpoint, from a productivity standpoint, from a materialistic standpoint, like, how much can you create, how much can you do, how much are you paid?
- [28:40]
Renee
And.
- [28:41]
Courtney
And life is so much more than just that. It's so much more than just work. And so the first thing that I would say is redefine what you define purpose as. Redefine purpose. Purpose in your life is not just work. Purpose is also relationships. Purpose is also personal growth. Purpose is also faith. Purse was. Purpose is also my character development.
- [29:03]
Renee
Yeah.
- [29:04]
Courtney
Because purpose are all of these things. I am going to have to carve out time in my calendar. So to do all of these things to cultivate purpose to me also looks like volunteering. Like, I'm really big on what am I giving back to my community for free with my time. So for me, I can't sit back and be like, oh my gosh, I'm too busy for you. I'm too busy. If I say people matter to me, if I say community matters to me, I need to have some kind of availability to actually invest into those things. And if you have such a narrow definition of purpose that is all about work, which it may be in a season, let's not, let's not be not. Deny that alignment also calls into question a thing about times and seasons of your life. Maybe you are going through a time and a season in your life where Work is your main focus because you know that, hey, I really want to excel in this area. But you also know that it means you are denying the cultivation of other things, right? Because our energy is finite, we can't give our attention to everything at the same time in the same measure. And so taking time to acknowledge, okay, what does purpose look like for me in this season? A huge thing that purpose can look like is the cultivation of relationships. The investments that I put into other people through giving them my counsel, my friendship, my just access to me in different ways and taking that. Redefining your definition of purpose will change your life immensely because you'll realize that you're actually chasing things because of this late stage capacity capitalistic world we're living in versus actually living a purpose filled life. You are not living on purpose or in purpose. You are just living on autopilot because you know you have bills to pay, you have things you want to prove. Capitalism has spun you the lie that you constantly need more, more, more and more. So you're never content enough to say, I can stop working now and spend some time with my friend. I can stop working now and spend some time with my family. And it's not to say that like there are not real circumstances that mean that certain people have to keep working and have to keep going. And in that stage, you definitely are in a position where you can start to question, okay, what can I do to give myself a more fulfilling life other than just being on this wheel? And sometimes that looks like starting a business, sometimes that looks like going back to school, sometimes that looks like sharpening a skill that you may have that you can monetize that will allow you some more time freedom. Because I think that's a huge thing that oftentimes time is what we trade in for money. And so if you can find a way to reclaim back some of your time, maybe your life will look more purpose filled. Especially if the way you're spending your time right now doesn't feel like it's fulfilling you. The last thing that I'll say, especially on the example that you gave around, okay, I don't have time because I am fulfilling purpose and you're not. Purpose is not something you use to snob people. Purpose isn't something that you use to fuel your arrogance. If you are fueling your arrogance and your sense of importance in society by the fact that you are booked and busy, your identity is completely off. Yeah, your, your sense of self is completely off. And so your purpose is not something that you use to trump other people. Your purpose isn't something that you used to say like, hey, I'm better than you because I get to do this. And for purpose. That's not what purpose is. Purpose is about service and therefore it's inherently about humility. And so if you are in a position where your busyness is making you prideful, you need to take a step back from your schedule. Yeah, you need to take a step back from your schedule because it's probably going to take you out of alignment with every other blessing in your life. Pride is something that easily misaligns us. If we are proud, too proud to be humble enough to give people our time, how are we going to receive the favor God might want to be saying, want to send you for the next season you're stepping into. Favor comes through people. And if you are too proud and too busy to connect with people, your blessing is going to be stifled. Your blessing is going to be blocked. It cannot find access to you because nobody can access you. That's a big problem. And so take time to, to dial it back a bit and be like, okay, maybe I have puffed myself up with my schedule and I've idolized being busy and I've idolized the fact that it makes me feel like I am a somebody to tell people, hey, like you can't get through to me. But actually this is not a point of pride. Yeah, this is not a point to be proud of. And also pride is not helpful in my life. Like this sense of superiority that I may have because I'm too busy for people may actually be holding me back from receiving what God is trying to give me and therefore stopping me from being aligned with the life that I actually want.
- [33:43]
Renee
Yeah.
- [33:43]
Courtney
Yeah. How about you? What do you think?
- [33:45]
Renee
I love that man. I think I love the.
- [33:51]
C
Listen up. You can get the new iPhone 16e with Apple Intelligence for just $49.99 when you switch to Boost Mobile. We pulled so many all nighters to give you this deal. And hey, stop messing with the mic.
- [34:05]
Courtney
I'm just helping us catch people's attention. This is a great deal.
- [34:09]
C
Exactly. So it doesn't need all that.
- [34:13]
Courtney
Fine.
- [34:15]
C
Head to your nearest Boost Mobile store right now.
- [34:17]
Courtney
Visit your nearest Boost Mobile store for full offer details. Apple Intelligence requires iOS 18.1 or later. Restrictions apply.
- [34:21]
Renee
What makes a great pair of glasses at Warby Parker, it's all the invisible extras without the extra cost. Their designer quality frames start at $95 including prescription lenses plus scratch resistant, smudge resistant and anti reflective coatings and UV protection and free adjustments for life. To find your next pair of glasses, sunglasses or contact lenses, or to find the Warby Parker store nearest you, head over to warbyparker.com that's warbyparker.com uprooting of pride in the equation. Because I think that's where a lot of us go wrong. And I think it's something that we often don't uncover as quickly as we should when it comes to stacking our calendars. I think there's something about being busy, especially as you mentioned in a capitalist society, that makes us think that we're valuable because our attention being something that's so commodified in today's society, is always caught by something. We're always building something, we're always in between. We don't realize that what's actually powering us is ourselves and we have a finite amount of energy. If your finite amount of energy is always finishing because you're focusing on everything that is surrounding your purpose and yet nothing to do with your purpose at all, then are you really living in purpose or you really distracting yourself by being busy? And I love the like, the equivalence and the contrast between being somebody that's all about community and people building, and yet you don't have time for people.
- [35:56]
Courtney
Yeah.
- [35:56]
Renee
And even this whole idea of volunteering, I know volunteering gets such a bad rap in today's society especially we know, cost of living crisis. Nobody can afford to volunteer anymore, but it doesn't even necessarily have to look like formal volunteering. Like, do you even have time for your friends?
- [36:13]
Courtney
Yeah.
- [36:13]
Renee
And I know that again, everybody is busy, everybody is going through something, but when, when you start to pervasively focus on one aspect of your purpose, that being, for example, your career, you miss the wider picture of the other things that God has given you to steward as well. So your purpose being, again, a community builder, you're all about people. Heaven forbid you're out here building community for all of these consultancy projects you may be working on, and then you don't have any time for the people in your life that actually matter, like your family and friends. Heaven forbid that you have a purpose or calling on your life for women, and yet you have a bad report from pretty much every woman in your life, from your mother to your sisters to your friends, where these things actually matter in the grand scheme of things. And so it is keying into the fact that, yes, you know, busyness can be productive in certain seasons. Yes, you're going to be back to back but if you're constantly on this hamster wheel and constantly on it for the wrong reasons, you'll actually find yourself so far from your originally intended destination, and it will be too late for you to turn that satnav to go back. It reminds me of that whole analogy around the compass. And if you set the compass, even just one degree of difference from the place that you want to go, you end up so far in the wrong direction. But by the time that you get there, you won't realize that you're northeast instead of north. And that's what I think the trap of alignment in purpose can be. When we're overly busy, we don't give ourselves time to stop and recalibrate. We don't give our time. Like, if you're constantly busy, you will never have time to stop and reflect. Am I actually on the right path? And we actually need that as human beings, that constant affirmation, that constant God, am I actually on track? You know what I mean? Like, am I on track? When you think about any project you're doing at work, project management is basically just you figuring out how much of what I'm doing is actually on track with what I said I'm going to deliver. One of the fundamental things they'll ask you to deliver is a timeline. When are you going to do what you said you're going to do? And if you're so busy, do you have time to project, manage your own purpose?
- [38:17]
Courtney
Yeah, that's so good.
- [38:18]
Renee
Do you actually have time to say, oh, okay, Am I actually in alignment? Or are you so set on this one track of what your purpose is meant to manifest as that you're missing the turns every time the opportunity arises? That's why there's oasis in the desert. It's an opportunity to stop, to refuel, to drink your water and then be going.
- [38:36]
Courtney
Yeah.
- [38:37]
Renee
Have you had time to stop at an oasis yet on this journey of purpose? If not, I think the time is now.
- [38:42]
Courtney
Yeah.
- [38:43]
Renee
And so emptying, like, even rest, boy, we've been on our own journeys on understanding just the importance of rest. And this busy body spirit that has entered into all of us. That's what is the busy body spirit. Satan is really working hard for that. Oh, my God, he's working hard. He's working us hard.
- [39:03]
Courtney
Yeah.
- [39:03]
Renee
It's a distraction because you won't see that things are wrong if you're constantly moving. Think about, like, when you're diagnosing a car, right? It's when you're in motion, sometimes you'll Hear it. But it's like when you've actually had time to stop and inspect the car, then you can be like, oh, I've noticed something about this car. There's a speck here. Or somebody has actually kicked in my mirror. But because I was so busy moving, I didn't notice it. Right. And there's something about having free time or having specific time to reflect, having time that's dedicated when you're not busy, that affords you the privilege of being able to do that. And again, I think that's a really nice segue onto something I wanted to talk about, which is something you mentioned around seasons. Hate to be that over spiritual person, but we often talk, you know, the Christianese seasons, discernment being discerning wisdom. All of these words that we throw out at all of the conferences, all of the professions, prophetic encounters, all of them things there. Do you know what I'm saying? So one of the biggest challenges that a lot of us face when it comes to purpose is discerning the right season.
- [40:06]
Courtney
Yeah.
- [40:06]
Renee
What element or what part of. Or what place we are in the journey of purpose.
- [40:11]
Courtney
Yeah.
- [40:12]
Renee
And so there's so many different seasons that we can come across seasons of transition moving from one place to another. Seasons of pivot, where what our. Our purpose manifested as in one season has actually changed to another. Or even seasons of stasis where God has actually called us to stay still for a second. What are some of the signs that you've noticed in your life when God is calling you to some of these particular seasons that you think might be helpful to some of the ladies that are listening?
- [40:40]
Courtney
That's such a good question. I think. One, I realized that. And again, not to dress this up in hyper spiritual lingo, but I noticed that my capacity and my ability for certain things is closing.
- [40:55]
Renee
Yeah. Yeah.
- [40:56]
Courtney
So the great, in Christian terms will say, like, the grace for that thing has lifted. Lifted. Like what I had grace to be able to do in one season, I no longer have the grace for. So, for example, there was a time during my career where I was. I started freelancing. So I've always worked for myself and I've always been working on my own project. So things that I really enjoy. And then I started to open myself up to like, consult on other people's projects. And there was one amazing project for a platform that I was able to consult on and like, come in on as a freelancer. And I was like, oh my gosh, this is absolutely amazing. Right up my alley. I did that for six months. I loved it. Towards the end of that contract, I started to realize this thing which I loved, I now began to hate. Like I suddenly I wasn't getting on with team members that well anymore. Suddenly I wasn't being as appreciated for my work. Suddenly I started like seeing the results of what I was doing starting to drop off. Not because I wasn't competent, but because God had began to speak to me that like, your time at this place is up. And they had started to pose to me like, hey, you are doing really, really well at this thing. Over delivered on my deliverables. Oh, I smashed that gig out. I was amazing at that. And I loved it. And then they positioned like, do you want to renew your contract? Go another six months, months. And I was debating it because I was like, God, I know that when I started this contract, you said it would just like I should just do it, I should take it. It was for six months. But is this something that I should consider doing full time? Is this something that because they were going to offer like a full. They were looking for a full time role, they didn't necessarily offer it to me, but they had made it clear they're looking for someone to work full time.
- [42:33]
Renee
Yeah.
- [42:33]
Courtney
So I started to ask like, should I start working full time on this? It's like as soon as I heard that prayer, that's when things shifted. The results stopped. The my, my ability to have good relationships with people on the team, it was like just suddenly there was a change in everything. Even though nothing had really changed. And I was just like, maybe the grace has lifted. Maybe this is an indication that actually, no, like you served your purpose for your time and it's okay and it's okay to move on. And if you stay longer than the allocated season, you'll be frustrated.
- [43:06]
Renee
That's really good.
- [43:06]
Courtney
You will be frustrated because you can't bear fruit in winter. If the season is changing, the season will change. And you can't force yourself to be fruitful. You'll be violating yourself in order to force yourself to be fruitful. It's not the season for this. So I decided, okay, this is a great indication that I should take a step back. And when I took a step back, another door and another window of opportunity opened. So it was just like, okay, God, I see what you are saying and I can see where maybe my patience for certain things are suddenly running thin. And I'm going to pray and tap into to try and discern. Is this because I'm becoming impatient? I need to do some work on my character. Maybe you're going to use this thing to train me? Or is this because it's an indication that, hey, you're not meant to be in this thing anymore. You're not the sort of person who is needed in this space anymore. Make room for someone else. Make room in your life for something else. And I think paying attention to those slight changes and things helps you. I think the sermon is all about being able to be still enough to pay attention. Can you be still enough to pay attention, to hear God's voice, to feel his nudges, his. His inklings to. Even if it's just you reading. If you're not a Christian and you're just reading your intuition, are you slowing down enough through life to be able to tap into. When that person said that thing, it made me feel like this. Or maybe, okay, currently in my workplace, I'm feeling a bit like this, this. That. Is this something that I should have a conversation with my manager about? Or sorry. Or is this indication that I need to. To jump ship to another company? Or maybe I want to switch role. Maybe this is. I know for a lot of women who start to even consider a career pivot literally at the mere thought of that thing entering into their heart, that's when they start to get pissed off with their current role. That's when they start to their. Everything is insane in this space for me. And I think paying attention to those things and honoring those things help us to know, even if it's not a right now. Begin to prepare yourself to move into something new.
- [45:03]
Renee
Yeah.
- [45:04]
Courtney
I think another way that I discern, like, whether there is a season shift and whether God is realigning me with something else or calling me into alignment with his purposes is me noticing what my convictions are.
- [45:16]
Renee
And that's really good.
- [45:17]
Courtney
The certain things that maybe weren't important to me in one season that have now become important to me, like, oh, okay, I'm starting to realize that. That I need to start taking my health a bit more seriously. And this thing that was an idea and a concept is now actually nudging on my heart a lot more. Like, I go to eat something and I can feel that I know I shouldn't be, you know, or I go to. I don't know, like, suddenly all my friends are inviting me out for a hike instead of, like, I can feel God is saying, okay, you need these wrong clubs. Yeah, like, you need to take this thing seriously. Or suddenly I start to pay attention to my unhealthiness. A Bit more like, oh, okay, Suddenly I've started to notice. When I climb this many flights of stairs, I get out of breath. Why am I suddenly noticing this? Before it wasn't a problem, but now I'm noticing. Do you get what I mean? Before, like, this actually didn't matter to me, but now I like the fact that I'm out of breath is concerning.
- [46:09]
Renee
It's pervasive.
- [46:11]
Courtney
This thing is actually permeating my mind. And I think that. That noticing things like that, like, what are the things that come to my heart more often? Maybe God is leading you to focus more on. On Community in this season. Okay, how come in my heart, when I wake up, my first thought isn't work, it's this person, you know, why is it that when I'm. I'm praying, I see faces more than I hear strategy? Maybe it's because God wants me to lean into Community in this season. He wants me to show up for people. Why is it that when I'm having certain conversations with you, and this is. This is the key to discernment, it's just asking, why is this happening? Noticing, then asking why, then readjusting. So why am I having conversations with people? When I talk to them, they're asking me for counsel. They're asking. Before, they would just say, I'm fine. Now. Sometimes when I ask people, how are you, girl? Let me tell you, started when I.
- [47:00]
Renee
Was six years old.
- [47:00]
Courtney
You know, it's like, why are you telling me that? Why are you telling me that? Maybe because God is probing your heart to be more compassionate with people. Maybe he's preparing your heart for something that's a bit more pastoral in nature versus just leading and strategy and all of that. You never know. You know, you never know. Maybe you know, God is surrounding you with loads more women to become friends with, and you don't really understand why. But then all of a sudden, it's like, now it makes sense. You never know what God is preparing you for in the future. Maybe at some point God wants you to heal your relationship with your mother, but he knows that you can't fully dive into that. So he's going to send you mother figures for you to start practicing with and for you to start having conversations with so that you can revisit. You can start to value the position of a mother again and understand why a mother is important in your life before he brings you to the real thing. All of these subtle changes and patterns in our lives can reveal to us. Okay, God, I can tell you're Doing something.
- [47:59]
Renee
Yeah.
- [48:00]
Courtney
I can change your. I can tell that you're pivoting something. I can change. I can tell that you're changing something inside of me and I'm going to be still enough to be able to notice what you're doing.
- [48:10]
Renee
That's beautiful.
- [48:11]
Courtney
Yeah.
- [48:11]
Renee
I love the fact that you talked about, about the subtlety in the science because I think what gets a lot of people stuck is that they want a billboard. They want.
- [48:20]
Courtney
Absolutely.
- [48:21]
Renee
They want. And you know what? Sometimes it comes. Sometimes you are awoken at 3am in the morning and there you've awoken from a dream. Yeah. Something has shifted you. Like you've had a prophetic encounter in the middle of the night, you know, when the witches are flying. You've taken your destiny back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've taken your destiny back from the witches from faraway destinations. That's some of us. But for the majority of us it is actually a trust issue. Trust in the Holy Spirit operating in you as opposed to externally.
- [48:52]
Courtney
So good.
- [48:52]
Renee
Like trusting that the intuition that you have in your heart is actually trustworthy. And I think a lot of us, because we don't have receipts of that trustworthiness, maybe, you know, you've trusted your intuition once and it's led you astray or maybe you fed into something that you thought was good and it turned out to be bad. I think sometimes when we don't have receipts of trustworthiness with that internal voice, it can prevent us from feeling comfortable and confident to pursue the things that God has called us to. But I think we do need to feel liberated, that first of all, God actually means good for you. Yeah, always means good for you. And one thing about God is he likes to stitch things up neatly in a bow and in a circle. So things may have started out bad, but they will end. It will come full circle. I believe in that. And starting to build up the trustworthiness with yourself and your relationship with the Holy Spirit in that way. And it may not be the big grand stuff as well at first. I think what you said was so powerful about. Sometimes it's not necessarily a career revelation. Sometimes it's a revelation about that relationship with your mama or, you know, sometimes it's not the oh God, are you going to bless my business? God is looking at you like, babe, your relationship with your friend.
- [50:06]
Courtney
Yeah, it's very bad.
- [50:07]
Renee
Or like the smallest of things that I love what you're mentioning about convictions. It'll be like, like, oh God, I'm so ready to take donations. And God Is like, I don't like the way you spoke to your friend yesterday. Yeah, yeah, I really don't like that. How are you going to take my nations if you're out here disrespecting?
- [50:21]
Courtney
This is the thing, the people, these things are often connected, and it's crazy.
- [50:27]
Renee
But it's paying attention to those small things which then snowball into the big things. Like it literally says in the word, you know, don't despise small beginnings. And small beginnings. Not even this in the sense of, you know, I'm gonna become a nation builder. I'm laying down the bricks. My big key purpose, but actually working out your purpose in the small interactions that make the difference as well in your relationships, in your conduct, in your character, girl, even the health thing, child, that's. Oh, God, one thing about me is I like a little cakey cake. And I feel like recently God has been like, babe, you gotta let go of that cakey cake. It's giving addiction every day. Oh, just a little sweet treat. I don't know if you've seen on TikTok that trend that's like, just a little something to take the edge off.
- [51:10]
Courtney
I love it. I saw a girl who was doing it as she was holding the. The side of a plane. I said, just a little something.
- [51:18]
Renee
I love it. Boy, I've seen people holding fried plantain. Somebody had a plate of cake. I was like, how are you holding.
- [51:24]
Courtney
A bottle of Super Bowl? And it's my favorite.
- [51:27]
Renee
It's so funny because I was like, wow, I'm triggering. Because one thing about me, a little bag of ice cream to take the edge off. A little cinnamon bun to take the edge off. Like, it's always a little something sweet. And I always told myself, oh, like, that's just me. That's just who I am. Like, I just like a sweet treat. I have to end my day with a street treat. And yeah, God has been like, babe, you'll end your day with a sweet treat before you end your day with me. And I'm like, oh, yikes. Y' all ain't gotta do that. Give me a prophecy about me taking the nations. Like, talk to me about, like, how you're gonna use me for your purposes. Why are you talking to me about my white chocolate magnets?
- [52:03]
Courtney
But you know what? That's. That's what you said before, that I think answers that, like, these things are often connected and you can be praying to God. And this is the whole thing about alignment. God's training is not conventional.
- [52:14]
Renee
It's Not.
- [52:15]
Courtney
It's not conventional. And you can be praying to God, like, align. Or I want this.
- [52:19]
Renee
Yeah.
- [52:20]
Courtney
And God's like, okay, great. Let me get you aligned for it. And suddenly alignment looks like, take care of your health. Go and clean your room. Go. And God's. I often say this thing, God's training looks like when Jackie Chan was training Jaden Smith in the Karate Kid. It's not making sense. Why am I lifting this jacket off the. The floor, picking it up and dropping it back? But at some point, God will reveal to you because this is the movement pattern to avoid a fly kick. You don't know that that was a crazy. Do you get what I mean? So be diligent in picking up the coat. Obey me. And that's why trust is so important. Obey me in that even though it looks silly, even though it looks stupid. But maybe me. Me giving you this conviction around the Magnum is me preparing you for longevity for the nations. If you keep having the Magnum, and I know you are near diabetes, you are one Magnum away from having to take prick yourself every day. I know that. You don't know that.
- [53:26]
Renee
He said, I'm not interested in hearing your prayers about health.
- [53:29]
Courtney
Later down the line, they're gonna come to my altar about it. And I'm also not looking for. I want to give. Give you nations. I want to give you whatever you're praying for, but I want you to be able to carry it.
- [53:40]
Renee
Yeah.
- [53:41]
Courtney
I want you to be able to walk into it. And so I know the traps that are set ahead of you. And so listen to me. And you know what it reminds me of? Sorry. You were even speaking before I cut it.
- [53:53]
Renee
No, no, no, no. You were. No, you were completely right.
- [53:56]
Courtney
Yeah.
- [53:56]
Renee
That my previous response answered that question. It's the fact that court is very unconventional. And the convictions point is so real because your convictions change in line with your season.
- [54:05]
Courtney
That's it. And in line with.
- [54:07]
Renee
Then as soon as it starts to hot up in summertime, that's our body, immediately we start sweating or like, oh, it's getting a bit cold outside. I'm starting to feel goosebumps on my skin. I think it's the same in, like, life when you start to feel the metaphorical goosebumps of skin, of. Of your skin. It's time to prepare for winter. A winter season is coming up in your life. Or, oh, my gosh, things are hotting up like I can, you know, small, small, skin out. Skin out. The summer period of your life is coming. So paying attention to the metaphorical science that your season is changing. The convictions, your desires, sometimes even the people around you. Yeah. They'll be changing.
- [54:44]
Courtney
Big one, big one, big one. They will be changing real quick. And so it's about cultivating your discernment. Is one being able to cultivate a relationship with God. I don't trust anyone who has discernment. They have a relationship with God. You could be hearing any kind of familiar spirit, but that's what I would do.
- [55:00]
Renee
That's for another episode.
- [55:01]
Courtney
Whatever entices you.
- [55:03]
Renee
You.
- [55:03]
Courtney
But the. The biggest thing is one, being able to align yourself with God. But even if you're not into that, I think it's being able to be still enough to hear what's going on inside.
- [55:12]
Renee
Yeah.
- [55:12]
Courtney
Because these things come in our thoughts, they come in our heart, they come in our gut. They come. They come in so many different ways. Yeah. And so many different forms. But are you able to perceive it? There's. I think it's a scripture in Isaiah that talks about how, you know, behold, I, God, I'm doing a new thing. But can you perceive it? Your perception is the issue. And oftentimes our perception is warped by the fact that we are moving too quickly to be able to see.
- [55:38]
Renee
That's good.
- [55:38]
Courtney
You know, so if you are moving through life too quickly, you're trying to rush from. Again, back to this thing about accolades. You're trying to rush from this achievement and this accolade to this achievement and this accolade. You're moving too fast to perceive the new thing.
- [55:52]
Renee
Yeah. Slow down.
- [55:54]
Courtney
Slow down, baby girl. Slow down.
- [55:56]
Renee
Where you run into. Slow down. Me talk to you real quick.
- [56:00]
Courtney
Yeah. Fact. Somebody actually gave. I be forgetting sometimes where I am that they say these amazing things. Did I read it? Did someone say. Anyway, I'm about to say, if it's yours, claim it.
- [56:13]
Renee
Claim it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [56:14]
Courtney
But somebody was talking about how they were listening to. I believe it's some. Somebody was talking about how they're a motorcyclist and they go motorcycling a lot with. With their wife.
- [56:30]
Renee
Is it the Ramses, maybe because Lady AJ Be using. Yes, yes, yes, yes.
- [56:37]
Courtney
I was talking to her literally last week, and she was just saying the story about how this person was talking about how they go motorcycling, and somebody asked them, how do you not get into accidents frequently when you guys are going motorcycle, like bike riding, like you've never been in an accident? They said, one thing that I'm cognizant of is the fact that when I am bending A corner. I need to, one, slow down, and two, I need to lean my body in a particular direction in order to turn with the corner. But if my wife doesn't also lean her body in the same direction, we're going to be misaligned. They're going to cause an. We're going to cause an accident because of our misalignment. If she's hanging this way and I'm hanging this way, it's a disaster waiting to happen. And I. I think we can apply that to our relationship with God. That it definitely came from Adriel Ramsey. We can apply that to our relationship with God. If God is going this way and we are going that way, there's definitely going to be some kind of collision with something. There's going to be an accident and a disaster in some ways because we are not moving in sync.
- [57:42]
Renee
Yeah.
- [57:42]
Courtney
And being able to trust God's leading is what allows you to move when he moves in the direction he moves at the time when he's moving. So transitions can be smooth. Transitions can feel a lot more rocky than they need to be. When you don't want to trust and be aligned because you want to do your own thing, your eyes are set in a completely different direction. We can rarely drive in the directions our eyes are not in. You can't look this way and be driving that way. It doesn't work like that. You have to align everything to do with your vision, everything to do with your behavior, everything to do with your action, with the intended direction in which you are going, or else. Else there's going to be some kind of disaster. And so I think aligning yourself with the life that you want is an all in kind of thing.
- [58:27]
Renee
That's so good. That's an excellent analogy. Literally, my driving instructor says it all the time. It's like, don't drive in any other direction than where your eyes can take you.
- [58:36]
Courtney
Yeah.
- [58:36]
Renee
Align your vision, align your mirrors. Everything needs to be going in the direction that you've chosen to go. And if there's even one thing that's out of alignment, that could be the difference between you crashing into a motorcyclist and you staying in the right lane. So that's a beautiful analogy right there.
- [58:52]
Courtney
Shout out to lady a Lady a.
- [58:54]
Renee
Love you, girl we'll see you soon.
- [58:56]
Courtney
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Love you, girl.
- [58:57]
Renee
We'Ll see you soon. But to round off this episode and round off the conversation on alignment, what does a life look like where one is pursuing fulfillment without chasing validation and comparison?
- [59:14]
Courtney
Oh, not to Sound super hyper spiritual.
- [59:21]
Renee
Come on. Prophetess.
- [59:22]
Courtney
No, no, no.
- [59:22]
Renee
Minister.
- [59:23]
Courtney
No. And like, super. But I think genuinely there is always an inside knowing.
- [59:29]
Renee
Yeah.
- [59:30]
Courtney
That I am where I need to be. Oh, I'm where I need to be. Even if it's difficult, even if it's hard, even if I don't like it. Oftentimes the reason why I'm even crying is because I know this is actually where I need to. And I just don't like it.
- [59:43]
Renee
Yeah, there.
- [59:44]
Courtney
But I know. And so I think it's again, this whole cultivating discernment. Sometimes there's just an inward satisfaction that I am doing what I'm meant to be doing. I am going where I need to be going. And as much as things may not be perfect, I am where I need to be right now. And sometimes you may have questions like, could I be doing more? Should I be doing this? What's the next step? What's the this? What's the that? But I think having the ability to just be present and say, okay, cool, but for where I am right now, does this make sense?
- [60:14]
Renee
Yeah.
- [60:14]
Courtney
Yes. This is what God wants for me right now. Okay, cool. Let tomorrow take care of itself. He will give you an instruction to move from that place at some point. You know, if we look throughout the Bible of stories that God has told, where God has told people to journey with him somewhere, to journey to a place, we see him tell people, pick up, walk, stop. Pick up, walk, walk, stop. And so being able to acknowledge those three parts in your life where it's time to actually pick up and prepare yourself to go to a different place, being able to acknowledge, okay, I'm currently in the place of journeying, I'm currently in a place of transitioning, I'm currently in the place of pivoting. But then also being able to hear God say, that's enough, that's enough for today. You can park here. You've done enough. Yeah. Without feeding the need to run ahead. That comes from an inward, inward, small voice that says, okay, I'm quite content with the progress that we've made. Yeah, I'm where I need to be right now. I think it's also looking at, do I genuinely feel fulfilled? Do I feel like, you know what? There is a deep satisfaction I have by doing what God told me to do. If you have that, that's also proof that you. Proof that you are living a fulfilling life. So those are the two ways that I would say you can measure it.
- [61:27]
Renee
How about yourself, man? I grew up completely agree that Inward, not to sound. I call it hocus poc. When people over spiritualize things, I call it hocus pocus because sometimes it's actually your din up magician. But I agree. I think there's that inward knowing. I think it's also understanding where you're at emotionally. I think doubt is not a bad thing and doubt is not the absence of faith. But I think fear is actually a better indicator of where your faith really lies. So if you are constantly on edge and you actually feel afraid in the position that you're at, then could it be that you actually require are a increase in your faith?
- [62:08]
Courtney
Yeah.
- [62:08]
Renee
And could it be that that's actually what's holding you back more than any doubt or any other thing? Could be if you feel it's kind of like the feeling of entering into a room that you know you were not supposed to open and now you feel very awkward and uncomfortable and there's a. A kind of restlessness. If you feel that restlessness, could it be that you've actually entered into the wrong room? And I think being brave enough to step back and close the door, like step out of the room and closing the door just to escape that situation and to quell that inner restlessness and redirect yourself is also very important. So I think it is taking stock of how do you feel? How does your central nervous system actually feel in this situation? Are you in fight or flight mode? Do you feel restless or flighty? In the situations and the relationships that you find yourself in, Is there no safe harbor for you to find contentment or peace in any place in your life? That to me is an indicator that you are absolutely not where you should be. If there is no place that you can call home, if there is no place. And home doesn't have to be a actual physical place. But if there is no feeling or no environment where you can say, I feel at home or I feel a sanctuary, then babe, it's about time for you to evacuate the premises. So know really understanding what is my environment and what is my body and what is my spirit telling me about where I I currently am? Is it one of nervousness and faith or is it one of fear and restlessness and lack of safety? So, yeah, the big thing is, do you actually feel safe where you're at?
- [63:44]
Courtney
Yeah.
- [63:44]
Renee
Because God will lead you to uncomfortable situations, but he rarely makes you feel unsafe.
- [63:53]
Courtney
That's good.
- [63:54]
Renee
It reminds me of some, even someone like Jonah. Jonah was there doing his thing. Everybody else was afraid and he was like, I serve God, you know, we're currently in a tiff and whatnot. But at no point did Jonah say, oh, God is gonna forsake me or anything. He still had faith, even though he was wilded. He was actually wilding.
- [64:10]
Courtney
I have a different take on that. I think what we could take from Jonah, especially because that's the perfect example of being in misalignment in your life and the storm is itself was very much a result of him being misaligned. Like, God is raging at this boat because you are not moving in the direction I have called you to move, and you are running away from my calling. And I think that even his calmness was something that we can often do where our life is screaming at us that you are misaligned. You have no peace. Peace. You have no joy. There is no sense of fulfillment. Your bills are not paid. You are falling apart. In fact, the chaos is just taking you away. The chaos is just taking you away. And God forbid, it takes a whale moment where you are literally in the belly of a fish for you to realize, I need to finally surrender to what God is telling me to do. I actually need to obey what he's. He's leading me to do. And so I also think. Don't be super delusional.
- [65:22]
Renee
Yeah.
- [65:22]
Courtney
About the fact that misalignment has consequences. Misalignment has consequences.
- [65:28]
Renee
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [65:29]
Courtney
Def agree.
- [65:30]
Renee
And don't get complacent.
- [65:32]
Courtney
Yeah.
- [65:32]
Renee
I think exactly what you're saying in, in. I think sometimes, because God is a good God and we have the notion that, oh, all things will work out for my good. Good, we use that kind of almost in the same way we use the hyper grace movement. We use it as a cop out for bad behavior. So don't. Don't justify your bad behavior with the fact that God is eternal. And, you know, I'm gonna. God is gonna work this thing out to my good. When you were the bad that happened, like, you were actually the storm, you were the problem. If you are the problem, please, at least you can stop being the problem pretty much immediately. That's the thing. Like, you actually have control in that. That situation. Don't be the problem. But sisters, let us know what you thought about that conversation. Purpose, alignment, big P, purpose, small P, purpose. The hocus pocus, the inner voice, the Holy spirit intuition, all these kind of things. Where has the conversation on purpose and alignment led you? And where has it led you out of? We would love to know. Drop it like it's hot in the comments below or on Spotify the Spotify girlies are hing things up. So you know, keep it up, keep it up. We love it. It's enjoy is great. We know that you're listening. It means that you're actually invested and continue the conversation by following us on all of our social media platforms. We're literally out to my sisterhood on pretty much everything. The Instagrams, the Twitter. Yeah, the LinkedIn. Twitter is a bad place. The LinkedIn, the tick tocks, all of those kind of places. And of course you can follow us individually. You can follow my lovely bestie at CD Boateng and you can follow me over at Renee Kapuku. And please make sure that you sign up to the mailing list wwysisters.com it's actually that easy. Like don't be embarrassing. If you want to be aligned with purpose for the next week, you should. I'm not going to be one of those creepy, you know, the people, the creepy call to actions like if you want to move in purpose today, you have to donate to this ministry 10K. I'm not gonna do that, but I will request that you sign up to our mail. That's, that's the bare minimum entry point points for purpose alignment sisters, we absolutely adore you. Have a fabulous week. A purposeful and aligned week ahead. And of course, as always, keep glowing and growing.
- [68:14]
C
Listen up. You can get the new iPhone 16e with Apple Intelligence for just 49.99 when you switch to Boost mobile. We pulled so many all nighters to give you this deal and hey, stop messing with a mic.
- [68:28]
Courtney
I'm just helping this catch people's attention. This is a great deal.
- [68:33]
C
Exactly. So it doesn't need all that.
- [68:36]
Renee
Fine.
- [68:38]
C
Head to your nearest Boost mobile store right now.
- [68:40]
Courtney
Visit your nearest Boost mobile store for full offer details. Apple Intelligence requires iOS 18.1 or later. Restrictions apply.