When you think of the relationships in your life, you’ll probably think about parents, siblings, maybe teachers or bosses that had a positive impact in your life. There might also be people who had a negative impact – bullies or the mean old guy who lived down the street who shook his cane at you and told you to get off his lawn.

How many of those people were in your life because you wanted them?

We do get to make choices about some of the people in our lives – our friends, our spouses or significant others, and our mentors.

Picking mentors

I’ve been fortunate that my first mentor relationship was of my choosing. This woman was a few years older and smart – she didn’t say yes right away. She wanted to know what I expected- what I wanted from a mentor. Was I looking for someone to tell me what to do?

No, I wasn’t. I was looking for someone who had more experience, more life behind her, and could advise me about choices and opportunities. I trusted her – she had values she was committed to and I respected that.

For the next 15 years, we had a wonderful friendship – one that I will always treasure. As circumstances in my life changed, we drifted apart. But this week – 20 years later – we reconnected and it was like no time had passed. We’re both a lot older, but I still feel that connection to her.

On the other hand, I was talking with a young woman who had started in her first post-college professional job. She was assigned a mentor. It was a disaster. The young woman was fairly certain that her mentor was uninterested in her career and she had serious doubts about her mentor’s competency. She was right – the mentor was demoted a few months later, but not before undermining the new employee’s self-confidence and happiness in the job.

Toastmasters Mentoring

In Toastmasters, the emphasis on mentorship has become a major component of Pathways. The classic program had some information about mentorships and encouraged them, but not like we’ve got now. Whereas it was almost optional – and many clubs didn’t have any organized program – now mentoring is vital.

Because Toastmasters is based on a very practical program – and by that, I mean you’re going to work, not just study the theory or philosophy of communication – and we don’t have instructors – we learn from the work that our peers do. It’s relational and demonstrative… it’s the difference between a class and a club. This is the basis for the push to build more mentor/protege relationships in the clubs.

The material in the Pathways Base Camp explains a lot of the mentor/protege relationship. You may be assigned a mentor. You might be asked if there is someone you would like to be your mentor. I think the p...