Today, Explained – "Is empathy toxic?"

Published: October 5, 2025
Host: Jonathan Hill (for Vox)
Guests: Erica Steenbergen (Marriage and Family Therapist), Roxanne Stone (Religion News Service), Jamil Zaki (Stanford Psychologist)

Episode Overview

This episode explores the complex and evolving role of empathy in society. Once an undisputed virtue, empathy is now debated, with critics claiming that it can, in excess or in the wrong contexts, be "toxic" or even sinful. Through personal experiences, religious and political critiques, and scientific research, the show investigates whether empathy can be "bad" for us—or if these concerns are misunderstandings of what empathy really is. The discussion is rounded out with practical advice for building sustainable, healthy empathy, addressing both burnout and social polarization.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The "Empathy Burnout" Phenomenon

• Jonathan Hill introduces empathy’s changing reputation: Empathy is often seen as a virtue, yet recently, it’s become a meme and a target of criticism.
  • “It feels like empathy has a weird reputation right now. It’s become a meme…” (01:21)
• Erica Steenbergen (Therapist):
  • Describes her experience as a "professional empathizer," emphasizing both the necessity and challenge of continual empathy.
  • “Those of us in the helping professions, we’ve been trained to increase our capacity... but nobody trains us to put brakes on that.” (03:25)
  • She discusses empathy fatigue—after a day of work, she finds it hard to turn off empathy, which leads to emotional exhaustion.
  • Extends the dilemma to everyday people, giving a vivid example of a retail worker absorbing others’ troubles, the news, social media, and heavy TV, leading to unrecognized moods and burnout.
    • “...I just don’t think someone going through that day is thinking about how much vicarious grief, stress, or anxiety they’ve been around.” (05:48)
• Key Insight: Empathy can become overwhelming when there are no boundaries in place, leading to emotional exhaustion or "empathy burnout."

2. The "Empathy as a Sin" Movement

• Jonathan Hill outlines the critics:
  • Some, especially in Christian evangelical circles and the political right, argue that empathy can be “toxic” or even a “sin.”
  • “There’s even a group of people who’ve been arguing lately that empathy is morally wrong.” (01:49)
• Roxanne Stone (Religion News Service) on Christian Right Critiques:
  • Recaps how figures like Ali Beth Stuckey and Joe Rigney distinguish between sympathy and empathy.
    • Sympathy: Staying grounded while helping others (throwing a rope from solid ground).
    • Empathy: Jumping into the quicksand with someone, risking "sinking" yourself.
      • “Rigney argues that solid ground is objectivity from a Christian perspective... giving you the strength to pull someone in.” (12:14)
  • Notes that these critics see empathy as “a twisting or distortion of the true Christian virtues of compassion and sympathy,” especially when used to justify progressive politics. (13:05, 14:21)
  • Empathy becomes a scapegoat for accusations that society or faith communities have grown “soft," especially on issues like immigration and DEI.
  • Discusses pushback: Stone and Hill question whether Jesus’s actions—eating with outcasts, aiding the marginalized—could be framed as "toxic empathy" under these arguments.
    • "When I think about Jesus himself ... God who literally became human in Jesus, which it's very much akin to ... jumping into the quicksand." (15:50)
  • Highlights the political polarization and social media amplification that are contributing to reduced empathy levels.
    • “...I do think that we are less empathetic than we used to be, or at least less incentivized to be empathetic.” (17:02)
• Key Insight: The empathy backlash is fueled by political and theological motives, often by conflating empathy with uncritical affirmation or loss of objectivity.

3. What Science Says About Empathy

• Jamil Zaki (Empathy Scientist, Stanford):
  • Defines empathy as three connected but distinct processes:
    1. Emotional Empathy: Sharing others’ feelings.
    2. Cognitive Empathy: Understanding others’ perspectives.
    3. Empathic Concern (Compassion): Caring about others’ well-being. (20:21)
  • Addresses the critique of empathy as "sinful" or toxic:
    • Empathy doesn’t require losing one’s perspective or condoning all behaviors.
    • Empathy can sometimes bias us toward in-group favoritism, but overall, it’s crucial to both individual wellbeing and social good.
      • “Empathy has enormous fundamental ways of supporting everything we do well as a species… It helps us as well.” (21:11)
  • Benefits of Empathy (Based on Research):
    • Improves physical and mental health for those who are empathetic.
    • Enhances effectiveness in physicians, bosses, parents, and spouses.
    • Fosters charity, volunteering, and reduces biases.
      • “People who feel it are more likely to volunteer, to donate to charity, and to see people who are different from them free from the lens of prejudice, stereotyping, and bias.” (22:58)
  • Distinction in Empathy:
    • Emotional Empathy (feeling others’ pain) can lead to more burnout, especially in caregiving professions.
    • Empathic Concern (compassion without absorbing pain) is protective and beneficial.
      • “Medical students with high empathic concern are less likely to be burned out.” (24:21)
  • Empathy as a Skill:
    • Empathy is partially innate, but it can be developed with practice and intentional habits (e.g., small daily acts of goodwill, practicing humility).
      • “By practicing the right habits, we can build our empathy on purpose, the way that you would work out a muscle.” (25:13)
    • Awareness of empathy as a skill predicts greater improvement.
    • Humility and curiosity counteract the barriers to empathy—especially stress.
• Personal Note:
  • Jamil Zaki shares how his bi-cultural upbringing made his life "an empathy experiment," and studying empathy has made him more aware of personal barriers (stress as a major one).
    • “If I’m stressed and overwhelmed, everybody annoys me. I have no time for anybody...my anxiety is shutting down my empathy.” (27:05)
• Key Insight: Empathy is nuanced—not inherently toxic, but can be overwhelming if unchecked. Compassionate action, rather than vicarious distress, is both beneficial and sustainable.

4. Practical Approaches to Empathy Fatigue

• Erica Steenbergen (Therapist) Returns:
  • Recognize the Signs: Learning to identify emotional exhaustion as a result of empathy exposure—not just “irritability” or “not feeling social.” (28:34)
  • Set Boundaries: Adjust media consumption (“changing whatever I watch on Netflix”), communicate needs to friends, and seek lighter distractions when needed.
    • “I can think about it in terms of what I need to do to take a break from feeling so much compassion and empathy…” (28:34)
  • Normalize recovery and seek balance, not complete withdrawal from empathy.
• Key Insight: Burnout can be addressed by shifting habits, employing self-awareness, and deliberately modulating one's exposure to emotionally charged content and situations.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Erica Steenbergen:
  • “I didn’t realize I could run out of compassion.” (03:25)
  • "It didn't dawn on me that I needed breaks until I was so worn out." (03:25)
• Roxanne Stone:
  • “I think what [critics] are really trying to do is make a distinction between sympathy and empathy... empathy wants to jump into the quicksand with them.” (12:02)
  • “When I think about Jesus... what an act of empathy." (15:50)
• Jamil Zaki:
  • "Empathy has enormous fundamental ways of supporting everything that we do well as a species. We often think of empathy as something we do for other people, but it actually helps us as well." (21:11)
  • "Empathy changes not because you do some grandiose thing once, but because you take a slightly different approach to what you do every day." (25:13)
  • “If I’m stressed and overwhelmed, everybody annoys me… my anxiety is shutting down my empathy.” (27:05)
• Jonathan Hill:
  • “I hear about a Jesus that like, ate with sinners and tax collectors and… was like, in the places where people were scared to go. I mean, with this line of thinking, was Jesus guilty of this toxic empathy?" (15:20)

Timestamps for Major Segments

• [01:02] – Defining empathy and its complicated reputation
• [02:27] – Erica Steenbergen on the toll of professional empathy
• [04:59] – The everyday accumulation of “vicarious stress” (retail example)
• [08:58] – Introduction to political and religious critiques of empathy
• [09:38] – Roxanne Stone on evangelical voices against empathy
• [12:02] – Sympathy vs. empathy: The quicksand metaphor
• [15:20] – Is Jesus guilty of “toxic empathy”?
• [17:02] – Are Americans less empathetic now?
• [20:01] – Jamil Zaki unpacks the science and types of empathy
• [21:11] – Does empathy drag you down, or is it good for society?
• [23:03] – How empathy and compassion affect the brain
• [24:21] – Emotional empathy vs. empathic concern: Burnout
• [25:13] – Building empathy as a skill; practical advice
• [28:34] – Erica Steenbergen: Practical ways to manage empathy burnout

Takeaway

Empathy is essential to human connection but can become overwhelming or distorted without boundaries or critical self-awareness. While some political and religious groups claim empathy is "toxic" or "sinful," science and lived experience emphasize its benefits—provided we distinguish between compassionate concern and personal emotional distress. Cultivating empathy as a skill, balancing it with self-care, and turning understanding into helpful action are key to harnessing empathy’s power for good.