Podcast Summary: Todo Concostrina — La batalla de Vitoria y el orinal de José I Bonaparte

Host: Nieves Concostrina, SER Podcast
Date: June 22, 2022
Episode: Acontece que no es poco

Main Theme & Purpose

This episode, presented in Nieves Concostrina’s renowned irreverent and witty style, explores the Battle of Vitoria—the last major engagement of the Peninsular War—and its peculiar aftermath, focusing especially on the infamous silver chamber pot (“orinal”) of King Joseph I Bonaparte, Napoleon’s brother. The episode combines historical storytelling with sharp social commentary and humor, connecting seemingly minor details (like a lost orinal) to larger narratives about art, loot, betrayals, and the quirks (and faults) of Spanish royalty.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Chaotic Retreat from Vitoria — How History Can Turn on Small Objects

• [00:59-02:35] Nieves recounts King Joseph I’s emotional dismay at being forced to abandon Spain. She humorously lists the reforms he claimed he carried out—modernizing education, curbing the church’s power, abolishing the Inquisition—only to be expelled:
  • “Os he puesto en orden la cultura... os he librado de los Borbones más tuerzos, que es lo peor que tenéis, os he quitado la Inquisición… y vosotros me echáis” (Nieves, 01:13)
• Emphasizes the panic and chaos: wagons full of loot, important documents, paintings by the great masters, and even love letters ended up scattered among the mud and confusion.
• The legendary silver orinal traveled with Joseph but was abandoned in the hasty escape.

2. The Battle of Vitoria — Strategic Failures and Human Comedy

• [03:19-05:43] Short summary of the military context:
  • The Battle of Vitoria (June 21, 1813) was the last engagement of the Peninsular War.
  • Joseph I’s attempt to hold Vitoria, with advice from Napoleon himself to flee, contrasted with his personal entanglements (notably, his relationship with the Marquesa de Montehermoso).
  • A sick marshal, disastrous military planning, and the British-Portuguese-Spanish alliance led to a total rout.
  • Nieves offers a vivid summary:
    • “A las 6 de la tarde empieza la retirada... sálvese quien pueda. Pero aquello no fue una retirada, fue una desbandada.” (Nieves, 04:51)

3. The Fate of the Orinal — From Royal Necessity to Regimental Relic

• [05:43-08:59] The story of the orinal:
  • Captured by the 14th Light Dragoons (a British cavalry regiment) after Joseph fled his carriage.
  • Contained not just the orinal, but also “private papers, love letters, and 200 paintings.”
  • The orinal, a gift from Napoleon, was nicknamed “El Emperador.” British peers mockingly called the regiment “the Emperor’s chambermaids.”
  • The orinal survives to this day as the regimental trophy of what is now the King’s Royal Hussars.
  • Twice a year, it features in ceremonial dinners (“Dining-In” and “Dining-Out” nights):
    • “Al final de la cena, el oficial al mando descorcha una botella de champán, la vacía en el orinal y brinda en honor de los caídos y a beber en el orinal del que un día fue rey de España.” (Nieves, 08:44)

4. The Lost Art — The “Gift” of Spain’s Treasures

• [08:59-10:51] What happened to the other loot:
  • Joseph I intended to use the 200+ paintings to form a “Museo Josefino” in Spain; forced into flight, he tried to spirit them away.
  • The artworks (including three Velázquez paintings and a masterpiece by Correggio) ended up with the Duke of Wellington, who, discovering their provenance, offered to return them to the reinstalled Ferdinand VII.
  • Ferdinand VII famously waived the offer, declaring that Wellington should keep the art:
    • “Su Majestad, conmovido por vuestra delicadeza, no desea privaros de lo que ha llegado a vuestra posesión por cauces tan justos como honorables.” (Nieves quoting the formal letter, 10:22)
  • This led to dozens of masterpieces remaining in British hands, many now in London’s museums—a direct result of royal indifference.

5. Sharp Closing Note: On Spanish Royalty and Historical Irony

• [10:51-12:02] Nieves closes with typical biting critique:
  • She refers to Ferdinand VII as “el más tuerzo Borbón,” referencing a famous insult by Arturo Pérez Reverte:
    • “Voy a remedar la gráfica definición del académico de la lengua Arturo Pérez Reverte: succionándole el ciruelo a Napoleón. En fin, esos son Borbones, ayer, hoy y siempre.” (Nieves, 11:55)
  • The punchline underlines the enduring dysfunctionality attributed to the Bourbon dynasty in Spain’s history.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Joseph’s Lament [01:13]:
  “Os he arreglado la enseñanza, el urbanismo, os he librado de los Borbones más tuerzos... y vosotros me echáis!”
  (Nieves, passionate and mock-indignant)

• On British Priorities [05:41]:
  “¿Sabes lo que les salvó la vida a los franceses? La codicia de los británicos, de los portugueses y de los españoles, que los podían haber matado, pero prefirieron saquear los carros que habían quedado abandonados.”
  (Nieves, wry historical irony)

• On the Orinal Tradition [08:44]:
  “El oficial al mando descorcha una botella de champán, la vacía en el orinal y brinda en honor de los caídos y a beber en el orinal del que un día fue rey de España.”
  (Nieves, amused and vivid)

• On Ferdinand VII’s Decision [10:22]:
  “Su Majestad, conmovido por vuestra delicadeza, no desea privaros de lo que ha llegado a vuestra posesión por cauces tan justos como honorables.”
  (Official diplomatic language, read by Nieves)

• On Bourbon Royalty [11:55]:
  “Voy a remedar la gráfica definición del académico de la lengua Arturo Pérez Reverte: succionándole el ciruelo a Napoleón. En fin, esos son Borbones, ayer, hoy y siempre.”
  (Nieves, caustically wrapping up the story)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:59 – 02:35: Joseph I’s angry, sarcastic “last stand” and what was lost in the retreat.
• 03:19 – 05:43: The unfolding of the Battle of Vitoria and its farcical military aspect.
• 05:43 – 08:59: The saga of the orinal: from royal necessity to regimental relic.
• 08:59 – 10:51: The fate of the art treasures and the “regalo” of Spain’s patrimony.
• 11:55: Pérez Reverte quote on the Borbón dynasty, closing the episode’s critique.

Tone & Style

• The episode is defined by Nieves Concostrina’s distinctive blend of rigorous historical narrative, keen irony, playful vulgarity, and scathing social critique.
• The dynamic with her co-host adds to the irreverence and accessibility, making serious historical events relatable and memorable.

For Listeners New and Old

This episode delivers an insightful, humor-laced account of how a tiny object—a silver chamber pot—can encapsulate both the tragedy and comedy of history. Through Nieves’ storytelling, listeners learn not only about the Battle of Vitoria but about the quirks of kings, the fate of art, and the lingering wounds of Spanish monarchy—with laughter and a touch of fury.