Tom Bilyeu Q&A: Superhero Skills: Retirement Hacks & Mindset Tricks (Replay)

Summary

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Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu

Q&A Replay: Superhero Skills, Retirement Hacks & Mindset Tricks

Date: October 19, 2024
Host: Tom Bilyeu
Main Theme:
A rapid-fire, in-depth live Q&A session featuring Tom and co-host Cindy, tackling questions from the Impact Theory community on mindset, personal growth, retirement purpose, learning, negativity, building work ethic, and the role of mythology and pop culture in growth. Tom shares personal stories, practical advice, and mindset reframes while maintaining his trademark transparent and empowering tone.

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Episode Overview

This episode is a replay of a Facebook Live Q&A, where Tom answers community-submitted questions on a spectrum of self-mastery topics—from maintaining ambitions across decades, hacking your mindset at any age, finding your calling, confronting negativity, maximizing mentorship opportunities, and diving deep on learning, contentment, and the power of mythology in personal transformation. The atmosphere is both motivational and concrete, full of actionable tips and hard-won life wisdom.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Power and Purpose of Impact Theory Community

• Tom’s Vision: Cultivating a community aimed at empowering people to pursue their dreams, focusing not just on seasoned high-achievers but also on “undiscovered gems” who need support and opportunity.
• Execution Over Ideas: Tom underscores that execution is what matters above all:

  “Execution is all that matters to us. That’s what we’re focused on. We’re going to be helping people build businesses, helping people create content… community-based versus just going out and finding already seasoned entrepreneurs.” (06:00)

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2. Merchandise, Disruption, and Ideology

• Personal Meaning in Products: Tom discusses why he wants more “deep, meaningful”—not just stylish—merch. Frustrated that most products are generic, he’s set on creating high-quality, ideology-driven items that reinforce personal values.
• Disrupting the T-Shirt Game:

  “We are going to disrupt the fucking T-shirt game. But the only way it’s gonna happen is if we do that. So we need ultra high-quality direct-to-garment printing. I am worried about quality, not speed.” (05:12)

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3. Books That Transform

• On the “Most Important Book”:

  “Mindset is the most important book in the English language, period. You just start there. Nothing else matters until you get that.” (14:35)

• Personal Turning Point:
  Tom’s father gave him The Gunslinger by Stephen King, which turned him into a reader and changed the course of his life:

  “You sucked me into this universe of reading… I went from thinking I didn’t like reading to realizing everyone likes reading, you just haven’t found what you like.” (16:02)

• The Power of Myth:
  Joseph Campbell’s book is described as shaping Tom’s ideology and professional path.

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4. Dealing With Negative People

• Tom’s Two-Pronged Approach:
  • First: Cut negative people out if possible (“prune your garden”).
  • Second: If you can’t cut them out (family, close friends), recognize it’s often their fear or insecurity talking. Meet negativity with compassion but don’t let it derail your own vision.

  “You have to recognize negativity for what it is… knowing what to listen to and what not to listen to is a critical, critical skill to develop.” (19:20)

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5. College, Skills, and Success

• Is College Necessary?:
  Tom argues convincingly that in today’s world, college isn’t a must; demonstrable skills and the ability to “make someone money” are what matters most:

  “College doesn’t matter because all anyone cares about is whether you’re actually good at something… Get so good they can’t deny you.” (21:50)

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6. Ambition, Contentment, and Stoic Resilience

• Are Ambition and Contentment Compatible?:

  “I am wildly ambitious. I am never content… But I’m crazy grateful and I can see beauty in everything. And I don’t need the material things.” (22:50)

• On Building a Strong Identity:
  Anchor your identity on your willingness to learn and grow—not on fragile externals like money or status.

  “If you pride yourself on money, your house, your car—your identity is on thin ice. I pride myself on what I can control: the effort I put into learning. You can’t assail me for that.” (24:20)

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7. Mindset for All Ages—Including Retirement

• Advice for Seniors & Retirees:
  Tom’s message to his dad and all older listeners:

  “You have a lot of time… Believe to the core of your being that you have time, you can acquire the skills, and then set about relentlessly doing so.” (26:30)

• Rejecting the Narrative That Life Ends at 70: Pursue ambitious goals, learn new skills, and know “30 years is a lifetime.”

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8. Maximizing mentorship

• How to Approach a Mentor:
  • Go highly tactical—ask for specifics about technique, process, cost-saving, marketing.
  • Offer value—do the hard work that others don’t want to; “bring real value before extracting value.”

  “You’ll be shocked at how much of an impression you can make… identify the lamest things and do all of those, with excellence.” (32:00)

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9. Superheroes, Modern Myth, and Identity

• Favorite Heroes:
  Tom debates Batman vs. Iron Man, favoring Iron Man for being a builder, an engineer, and for integrating his identity with his work.

  “I love the arc of Iron Man… he steps forward, says this is who I am, and keeps building.” (38:30)

• Comics as Modern Myth:
  • Comics and movies encode deep life lessons; we need to recognize and leverage them.

  “We turn a blind eye to the fact that they actually offer a manual for how to live.” (41:00)

  • Tom sees a unique moment to fuse entertainment, merchandise, and ideology—to “reinforce the mindset.”

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10. Selfish Time and Codependent Partnerships

• The Value of “Selfish Time”:
  • It’s healthy—and not inherently negative—to carve out time for yourself, even in close relationships.

  “Being selfish is not a bad thing. It’s critical… I am a person. I am distinct and unique. I have desires, wants, value as an individual.” (47:00)

  • Tom and his wife use the term “selfish desire” to clarify honest wants and avoid second-guessing.

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11. The Healthy Use of Anger

• Anger as a Tool:
  • Anger can be a powerful motivator if it’s only part of your motivational mix (10-20%).

  “There is no danger in using anger as a motivation. There is a danger in using any motivation as your sole motivation.” (49:34)

  • Both negative and positive drivers (anger and gratitude) are useful, but moderation is key.

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12. Building an Unshakable Mind & Finding Your Calling

• On Finding Your Calling:
  • Rejects idea of “external” callings; instead, it’s about iteratively building skill and passion across areas of interest:

  “A calling really is a religious way… of saying that you’ve developed an interest into a passion and it feels so good and you’re getting so good at it… So for me, Impact Theory seems like my true calling because it brings together my skills and obsessions.” (53:34, 57:15)

• Unshakable Mind = Identity:
  • Start affirming “I am a person with an unshakable mind,” then act in accordance with it. Reluctance to admit you’re not the person you want to be creates pressure to align action and self-image. (58:13)

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13. Work Ethic: How to Build It

• Immediate Change Possible:

  “You’re going to be me tonight in terms of work ethic, because that is immediate. That has everything to do with just changing your identity… There’s nothing standing between you and work ethic. Nothing. That’s a decision.” (64:25)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Merchandise & Movement:

  “We’re going to disrupt the fucking T-shirt game.” — Tom (05:15)

• On Cutting Negativity:

  “Prune your garden when you possibly can—cut people out.” — Tom (18:52)

• On Books that Matter:

  “Mindset is the most important book in the English language.” — Tom (15:00)

• On Ambition & Self-Worth:

  “I pride myself on what I can control—the effort I put into learning.” — Tom (24:35)

• On Retirement:

  “You have a lot of time. You could have 30 years, and 30 years is a lifetime.” — Tom, to his dad (26:30)

• On Bringing Value to Mentors:

  “Identify the lamest things and do all of those, with excellence.” — Tom (32:00)

• On Identity & Unshakable Mind:

  “Start by saying, I am that type of person. And then you start actually acting in accordance with it.” — Tom (58:13)

• On Work Ethic:

  “There’s nothing standing between you and work ethic. Nothing. That’s a decision.” — Tom (64:25)

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Key Timestamps

• [02:27] Shoutout to longtime community member & fan art/merch discussion
• [08:27] The strategy behind spreading Impact Theory & community building
• [14:31] Most transformational and influential books
• [18:52] How to handle negative people
• [20:34] Talking to teens about skipping university for passion pursuits
• [22:50] Ambition vs. contentment & the anti-fragile mind
• [26:28] Mindset and skill-building for retirees (Tom’s message to his dad)
• [31:46] How to approach and extract value from a mentor
• [35:40] Takeaways from interviewing snowboard legend Sean White
• [38:02] On superheroes as modern myth (Batman, Iron Man, DMZ)
• [46:07] “Selfish time” in relationships & the value of being honest about wants
• [49:34] The healthy use of anger for motivation
• [53:34] How to find your calling; building an unshakable mind
• [64:25] Building work ethic immediately; practical advice for career pivots

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Tone & Style

• Energetic, candid, practical, imbued with respect for individual agency and potential.
• Tom’s conversational, reinforcing language: “Mad respect,” “truth,” “nice and easy,” and “let’s do it now.”
• Transparency and vulnerability highlighted through personal stories.

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For Listeners Who Haven’t Heard the Episode

This Q&A is a masterclass in real-world mindset engineering, loaded with both “big picture” and tactical insights. Tom Bilyeu’s answers synthesize entrepreneurial grit, a commitment to lifelong learning, and the idea that identity and self-talk drive behaviors. Whether you’re a retiring executive, a teenager plotting your first move, or someone determined to disrupt an industry, this episode distills principles and practical steps, straight from Tom’s lived experience.

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Tip: For a deep dive on a specific theme, check the timestamps above to find Tom’s direct answers and stories related to retirement, personal growth, learning hacks, book recommendations, and more.

Transcript

[Tom Bilyeu]

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[Cindy]

30 seconds.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Be specific, be quick and tell what are you going to be using the funds for? I was nervous to do it because it doesn't feel okay to ask money. But you shouldn't be nervous.

[Cindy]

Sometimes you just have to do it

[Tom Bilyeu]

and see the results.

[Cindy]

We were able to save my son's life thanks to gofundme that we still have my son with us.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Start your GoFundMe today at gofundme.com that's gofundme.com gofundme.com this message reflects one person's experience. You're listening to the Impact Theory podcast, your source of empowering ideas and actionable techniques from the world's highest achievers. Join host Tom Bilyeu, serial entrepreneur and co founder of the billion dollar brand Quest Nutrition, on a journey to unlock your potential and realize your vision of success. Welcome to Impact Theory Foreign. Welcome to another episode of Facebook Live q and A where we go in on the things you guys want to talk about, which is certainly my favorite thing. I absolutely love doing these. So come armed with the questions that are going to transform us all. That is, I think, everybody's goal. So welcome, welcome, welcome, everybody. Yeah, buddy.

[Cindy]

All right, so I might kick it off with one that came in last time. Okay, so this one comes from Joshua Martel.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah. So has everybody noticed? So Joshua Martel is old school. He's been with us forever, since back when we were inside Quest. And did you guys see that he's like started a Business.

[Cindy]

No.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah, like doing his art. His art is so legit. It is so legit. You guys need to go check it out. I think it's called pop 3D art. It's some variation of those words.

[Cindy]

Okay. I think It's. Is it 3D pop, no art.

[Tom Bilyeu]

It's a variation on those words, but check it out. He creates them by hand. They're amazing. He's actually done time lapse videos of him creating them. They're phenomenal. If you guys. I know that he loves Dragon Ball Z. I think he's doing most of this on the DL. I don't think he's got licenses yet. But like fan art, man, it should be open. In fact, I'm telling you right now, fans, when we launch our first stuff, if you guys want to work with us, we're going to be the easiest company ever to get a license from. So come get licensed so that you can make some dosh off of making impact theory stuff. That would be rad.

[Cindy]

Yeah.

[Tom Bilyeu]

You're hearing the commitment right here, right now. There will be no company easier to get a license from than us. We just need to know that your stuff is going to be empowering. That's basically our thing. And we can all. We can all profit, man. That's where I'm coming from. I'm telling you, a change is about to happen, largely because we're going to force it to happen happen. But disruption, shit's about to get real.

[Cindy]

All right, so this is his question.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah.

[Cindy]

He's noticed that you always wear a dog tag. So he wants to know a. Do you always wear that and what's the significance of it?

[Tom Bilyeu]

I was just thinking about that because someone asked me this question once before and I put on one of my ones that are. That are purely style today instead of one of the ones that actually mean something. So my goal. And so scratch your own itch. Right? Part of the reason that we're getting into the merchandising game is I don't have the ability. Ability to have nice things and have things that reinforce my ideology. So, for instance, one of my favorite, in fact my favorite necklace is the Star Wars Rebel alliance necklace. I have looked high and low for a quality Matrix necklace. They don't exist. I like to rep what I believe. I want my shirts to say something. I love that. Like when Lisa and I went to do the special Valentine's Day episode of Impact Theory that she was waiting to see, like, what shirt will he choose? Right. Because I try to choose a shirt that Means like something. It's outreach, connection between me and the guest. And I love that. And I think that that's something that we'll be able to help more and more people do. But people are usually choosing between something that's nice and. Because basically, here's the problem, people only mass produce generic stuff. So the disruption comes when you don't have to mass produce it. And that is the key. And that's why, once again, dear Community, I will put it out there. We are looking for ultra high quality direct to garment printing. We are going to disrupt the fucking T shirt game. But the only way it's going to happen is if we do that. So we need ultra high quality direct to garment printing. I'm not worried about speed. I am worried about quality quality. So, yeah, so some of my necklaces are pure fashion and some of them are deep and meaningful, and I would like more to be deep, meaningful, but they don't exist, so we have to make them. The black one is fashion, Sadly. Yeah. Pure fashion.

[Cindy]

I'm telling you, I wear that one

[Tom Bilyeu]

a lot because so much of what I wear is like, dark. Yeah. So I actually have, like, if you really pay attention, you can tell which one I'll wear based on what the T shirt is. But if you guys are just joining us or if you're new to our universe, we want to tell you who we are. We are Impact Theory. We know we got a lot of new people from Mel Robbins episode, which is utterly astonishing. That woman is a beast. And that was one of those man. On set, everybody was like, all right, well, that shit was electric. She just smashed it. And so we're super honored that you guys have decided to stick around. And our whole thing is to empower people with the tools that they need to go on and actually execute on their dreams. Execution is all that matters to us. That's what we're focused on. We're going to be helping people build businesses, helping people create content. We're trying to do it all community based versus just going out and finding already seasoned entrepreneurs or already seasoned content creators. We'll get to that. And I think that will be a phase in our evolution. Uh, but for now, what we want to do, or find the undiscovered gems and. And help them build something. I felt like that's what happened to me, that people took a chance on me, gave me a chance to learn, improve myself, and it changed everything about my life. So that's what Impact Theory is all about.

[Cindy]

Truth, truth, truth, truth, change. I feel the Same way. All right.

[Tom Bilyeu]

I hope so, since you're a key part of this whole equation.

[Cindy]

That's true.

[Tom Bilyeu]

We'd be in real trouble. She's like,

[Cindy]

it's whatever. Whatever what? All right, guys, make sure that you share this live feed for a chance to win one of the books off Tom's reading list. The link is going to be in the comments section.

[Tom Bilyeu]

And even if you don't want to win, like, let's really talk about what we're doing here as a community. So here's the exchange that we're looking for. We are killing ourselves to create the best content available on the web for anybody who's trying to develop a growth, mindset, empowering mindset, set of skills. We're creating content that you should be able to actually use in your life to execute against what your dreams are. We don't charge for anything. The only thing that we're asking is you guys help us build this community. We've spelled out on the website impacttheory.com exactly why we're building the community, what phase two and phase three are so that you can feel good about what you're investing in. But, like, as a community, we really, really need your help. We need you guys to help spread the word and get it out there. It's a critical part of this path and you guys could make that so much easier. So I. Our ask is if this content brings value to you. Only if it brings value to you, but if it does bring value to you and you want to help. Sharing is the name of the game. All we need is for you to share the content.

[Cindy]

Sharing is caring.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Sharing is caring.

[Cindy]

That's the motto. Okay, so our next question. Sorry, I lost it while it was. Comes from Chris W. In the comments. Have you considered having a guest perform one of their key skills with you and then deconstructing it during the show?

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yes.

[Cindy]

Yeah, that's it. Why haven't we.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Because I. I don't like the idea.

[Cindy]

You don't?

[Tom Bilyeu]

I don't. It breaks the format of the show. And I could see, like, doing another show where we did that, but it's like, unless. Cause here's the important part. What people would see is a falsehood, because if you can actually show me how to do the skill in a short period of time, it's not a very interesting skill. It makes for better tv, but it's not an interesting skill. If you could follow me. And this is why the Tim Ferriss experiment, which was a TV show that he ultimately released on Apple TV was actually pretty interesting. At least then he was spending, like a whole week with them. And so you could go a lot deeper. You could see the process. You could see him use hacks to try and condense the learning time down. But you're going to pick, like, if somebody comes on the show and they want to show me one of their skills, you're going to pick some really small nugget of it that they think I can learn in, like, three minutes, right? And so what it becomes is I embarrass myself. They. They teach me because I'll be clumsy at it, right? I embarrass myself. They teach me some very small, uninteresting thing. I finally muscle through. You guys all go, wow, he did it. But what it really becomes is, is Tom willing to embarrass himself and, you know, can this person pick some finite enough piece of their real skill to show something interesting? Now, on the other hand, doing something like a special episode with Wim Hof where he actually trains me to do his techniques, and I have to go deal with the cold, which is like a real thing for me. Or spending more time with Faras the hobby, learning more about jiu jitsu. Like, if we had, we couldn't because he has so many famous people training at his gym. He wouldn't let us. We filmed a little bit, but he was like, if you can only see you in the frame. And that was, like, hard because, like, George St. Pierre was there trying to, like, spar.

[Cindy]

And, like, you're with.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah, it was crazy. But, like, doing things like that, that would be cool. It just gets expensive. So. But I mean, look, we're. We're really trying to get this show picked up by, you know, one of the mages. So if we can do that, then, you know, the budgets get a little bit different and maybe we could do something like that. It's a great idea. I just don't like the way that a normal interview format forces that to be cheesy. And I think there's real power, true truth.

[Cindy]

All right, so I have a couple book questions. So this one comes from Subir. He wants to know if you've had a chance to read his book. The difference?

[Tom Bilyeu]

Not yet, but is he in the feed right now?

[Cindy]

Yeah, he's in the feed.

[Tom Bilyeu]

You guys need to check this guy out. So I had somebody stalking me on. I think it was ig just. Just like, you've gotta check this guy Sabeer out. I'm telling you, he's amazing. He's amazing. And I had never heard of him. Sorry, Sabeer. And so they finally. They were so persistent. And it wasn't him. It was like somebody else. He was like, no, no, no, this guy's amazing. You gotta check him out. So finally I go check him out, and I'm like, wow, this could be interesting. I passed it to Christopher, Dr. Finesse and said, hey, what do you think? And he was like, yeah, let's look into him and see what he's about. And so now Sabir has been kind enough to send a copy of his book. Which do we have?

[Cindy]

It's on the shelf.

[Tom Bilyeu]

We have it. Okay. Yeah, it's on the shelf now. It's just. Now it is a matter of discipline and getting. Getting it in the rotation. That's what it is. If it were an audiobook, I'd already be done. Sabir, if I could just make this your fault for a minute. It's all my fault, Sabir. Don't worry. It's all my fault.

[Cindy]

It's there, though. All right.

[Tom Bilyeu]

My dad. Dad. What's up, my man?

[Cindy]

I love that.

[Tom Bilyeu]

What is up, dad? My namesake. That is my father, the one and the only. In fact, I was with him when he took that photo that you just showed. So, father of mine, welcome to the feed. Yeah, and I get to see my dad soon. It's his. His birthday's. His 70th birthday. What's the day today? His. Oh, my phone's off. His 70th birthday is coming up.

[Cindy]

16.

[Tom Bilyeu]

And. And can I just say that my dad, he is living the dream. Like, so many people, they work their whole life to retire. They retire and then they just basically die. My dad did not do that. He worked his whole life to retire. Retired. And, dude, like, now it's like he is doing exactly what he's always wanted to do his whole life. So it's amazing. It's amazing to see somebody, like, know what they want, make it happen, and, like, live every day doing what makes him happy. Yeah. Like, fuck it. Like, this is. He likes cars, right? I hate cars. I feel bad for. Even as a kid, I felt bad for my dad because it's like, you have a son, you love cars. Your son's gonna work on cars with you. And your son is like, this shit is greasy and nasty. Like, I don't want anything to do with this. Like, I have no interest in my poor father. But now he gets to play with cars all day, every day.

[Cindy]

That's so cool.

[Tom Bilyeu]

It is cool.

[Cindy]

Yeah. All right, so this one Comes from Ali. Have you read the book Poor Charlie's

[Tom Bilyeu]

Almanac by Benjamin Franklin? I have not. But assuming that I believe is the name of the one that Benjamin Franklin wrote. I know of it, but I've not read it. All right, so there we go. But they cover it in his auto. Or not. His autobiography, his biography, by the guy that wrote. Oh, God, Isaacson. Isaacson. That's his name. I trailed off of my sentence. He wrote the Steve Jobs biography as well. Something Isaacson.

[Cindy]

Okay, so I think we're just like on a book theme right now.

[Tom Bilyeu]

I like it.

[Cindy]

So next up is from Eugenia. Can you mention your favorite transformational book also? Why? And then the follow up question from Eric is, what are the most influential books you've ever read?

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah. So the most transformational book for other people, unfortunately, I had already gone through the vast majority of it and just had to figure it out before I read it. Is Mindset. That's the most important book in the English language, period. And I'm saying, like, as somebody who's going to write a book, I will still tell you, even when my book is done, Mindset is still going to be the most important book in the English language. It just has to be. It is the most foundational. It's the thing that you just start there like nothing else matters until you get that the book that changed my life the most, there's one that would not have the same effect on other people. But since my dad is in the comments, I'll go ahead and mention it. Which is the Gunslinger by Stephen King. And when I wanted to give up reading and I was utterly convinced that I just hated reading, reading wasn't for me, my dad said, I'm gonna ask you to read one more book. If you read this and still don't like reading, I'll never bother you again. And he gave me the book the Gunslinger. And to this day, I remember the opening line, which is, the man in black fled across the desert and the gunslinger followed. And it just had me from that. Like, it was amazing. And read it, and of course it becomes Stephen King's most cherished series. And I say cherished. I don't know if it's his best selling, but it's his most cherished. The one that he sort of sees is like the linchpin in his whole universe that he's created. They're now making it into a movie starring Idris Elba and the guy from the Lincoln commercials, Matthew McConaughey. Thank you. So that's incredible. But so that book changed my life in the sense that I went from thinking I didn't like reading to realizing everyone likes to read. You just haven't found what you like reading about. And so I liked reading about that. And I like Stephen King and Stephen King Dream is why I want to get Stephen King on the show. I owe him a debt of gratitude. You sucked me into this universe of reading. And even though I was cripplingly slow at reading as a kid, and so as a freshman in high school, they tell you we would have this once a week. We had an hour to read in our English class, and they said you should, you know, finish around 20 pages. I would finish, I'm not kidding, like four or five. Because now that must be an exaggeration. It would have been more than that. But I remember being, like, grossly off of the amount that they told us that we should read because, like, I would get halfway down the page and I would start spacing out and, oh, I have to go back. Like, I don't remember. Or I'd get almost to the bottom of the page and be like, wait, what are they talking about? And so I'd have to go back up or I wouldn't know words. So it was like, ah. But I so loved the stories that it was worth fighting for. So. But it would take me. I remember when I read it, if you guys have seen it. Oh, God, I love that book. It's so thick. I'm almost certain the draft that I read, God, I wish I had it in my hands. I'm almost certain that it was 1092 pages. And I read this almost 30 years ago. But because it left such an indelible mark and took me over a year to read, I so had that page count my head. Be curious to know if that's real or a false memory.

[Cindy]

Someone find out.

[Tom Bilyeu]

But yeah, but it'll be different by versions and stuff, so it might be. Might be tough. But I think it was 1092 pages. So anyway, yep, my dad made me read that. That really did change the course of my life. And then, thanks, dad, by the way. And I've told that story. Dad, you probably don't know this, but I've told that story hundreds of times. So you get mad props. And then the book that really, from an ideological perspective, not only had a huge impact on me, but has changed the flow of the river of my life is the Power of Myth by Joseph Campbell.

[Cindy]

You do talk about that one a lot. Word. It's a good one. Sorry, I had to refresh my page so I could find these questions.

[Tom Bilyeu]

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[Cindy]

All right, so next up, this one comes from Rizwan. How do I get over negative people bringing you down?

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah, I mean, so there are several ways, and we'll deal with the easy one first, and then we'll deal with a much harder scenario. So way number one, cut them out of your life. Simple as. That's nice and easy, right? Very easy to do. It's a little bit funny to me when if, like, if you write in the comments on IG, on Twitter, on YouTube, something that is constructive, even if it's critical, we'll leave it. But if you write something that is useless and just mean like that shit is deleted. Like, you got to prune your garden so whenever you possibly can, you're gonna cut people out. Now. There's gonna be times where people you love, people that you want in your life, they're just. You're not willing to cut them out. They're gonna be saying things that are negative. And you have to learn to recognize negativity for what it is, which is somebody else's fear, insecurity, whatever, holding them back. And so I try to meet that with compassion. So there have been many times in my life where somebody that I love and care about, they just. They can't see the vision or usually nine times out of ten, they're so terrified that something bad will happen to me, that I'm going to fail, and that they're worried about what that loss will do to me, that they want to protect me from it. Right. And one of the ways to protect you from is make sure that you never start it. And so you just have to recognize that for what that is, which is their insecurity has nothing to do with me, that I'm very prepared to lose and, you know, get Back up and brush myself off and keep going. So knowing what to listen to and what not to listen to is a critical, critical skill to develop.

[Cindy]

True. Definitely. All right, this next one comes from Tracy. Any thoughts on how to speak to a teenager about pursuing dreams outside of university?

[Tom Bilyeu]

I'd love some more clarification on the question. Like, are we talking about getting them to, like they're hell bent to go to school and we're not sure because financially it could be so brutal. So I'll answer from that perspective until clarification comes in, assuming that, or maybe here's an even better way to answer it. Going to school can be awesome. And going to school is in no way necessary. So if you look at it from that perspective, that it really isn't. It's not a make or break anymore. And maybe it was. Maybe there was a time when it was. It certainly wasn't. For me, as somebody who has hired, you know, well over a thousand people, God, I don't think I ever really looked at education. I didn't look at resumes at all in the beginning. And then later I started to look at some things, looking for experience. You know, as you grow, you really do need experience on your team. Otherwise you just get a Lord of the Flies situation, which is not great. So you do have to start to look for experience. But even then, I wasn't looking at education. I never once asked somebody what their GPA was. It just doesn't matter. So from that perspective, here's the cold, hard truth. College doesn't matter because all anyone cares about is whether or not you're actually good at something. Because if you can make somebody money, they're going to hire you and nothing else matters. They will hire you regardless of race, religion, creed. Like, if you're good enough, people will throw money at you. That's the truth. And nobody wants to hear that. Right? And I'm not. Look, it may get harder, given race, religion, creed, whatever, to like, get your foot in the door. Totally get it. But man, if you can prove that you can make money, people will bring you in. Like the hidden figures, right? You had black women working for NASA back in the 60s?

[Cindy]

Yep.

[Tom Bilyeu]

That's crazy. Like, I couldn't believe that. I was literally like, what? That's amazing. Because they were able to execute at a ridiculously high level. You're trying to get to the moon. You're gonna take whatever you need. So get really, really good. Get so good they can't deny you. That's. That's the moral of that story get so good they can't deny you.

[Cindy]

All right, this one comes from Ali. Are you ambitious and content at the same time? And is that the best virtue?

[Tom Bilyeu]

No, no and no. So I am. I'm wildly ambitious. I am never content. Okay, so this may come down to the definition of the word content, but I'm never content. I am never satisfied where I'm at, no matter what I have, no matter how much. But I'm crazy grateful and I can see the beauty in everything. And I don't need the material things. So none of that do I let get wrapped up in my identity. And that's where people get really, really in trouble. And this is why stoic philosophy is so powerful. Because stoic philosophy is a reminder that the trappings, all this stuff is meaningless and can't really. It's never going to make you feel good about who you are. Like that would be so fragile. If you pride yourself on money, your house, your car, your cloth, if you pride yourself on that stuff, you internally will feel like you're on thin ice. And that feeling to me is so shitty. That's why I had to learn, man. I will pride myself on what I can control. I can control the amount of effort I put into learning, period. Right? I can control that. So barring brain damage, as long as I pride myself only on my willingness to put in the effort to learn and I look at my life on a long timeline, you can't assail me, you can't hurt me, you can come after me. And this is what I talk about with an anti fragile personality. You can come after me, you can tell me I'm dumb, right? Imagine that. I get that in the comments, this guy's a fucking idiot. And it's like, okay, well if you're right and you're pointing out, maybe using harsh words, but if you're pointing out something that I actually am ignorant to, right? I just have a literal lack of knowledge. Well then I can go get that knowledge now. I'm grateful. Like the other day, I won't. I don't think you guys care. I'm about to learn a lesson here and I hope that I learned the lesson I want to learn. So Jared told me that I'm bad at operations, right? I had asked for feedback, right? What am I not good at? And the one of my weaknesses. So he's couching, which makes me a little sad because what's that between weakness and badass? Okay, fair enough. So I have a weakness in operations. And that to me was so spot on. And was so useful that like I am, I am grateful for that feedback. So I'm grateful for it because I have built my self esteem not around being good at operations, but being willing to learn. Right. So if I decide, okay, I actually need to get. I need to de. Weaken my operational skills, strengthen, I think

[Cindy]

words that we were looking for.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Wow. Yeah. Strengthen, you know, my performance in the operation side, then I will, and I'll put that energy into it and I'll get good at it. And so when you're in that kind of position, it's just not, it's not weak. So I'm never trying to be content because I think content just lulls you into like not pushing, not driving, not trying to be something. And I think what is the greatest trait if it isn't being content? Being a learner. I mean, that feels like a knee jerk right now. I feel like I'm just taking the one that first comes to my mind that upon further reflection, I might come up with something different. But it's strong. Be a learner. Be a learner. Be a learner, my friend.

[Cindy]

Yeah, you still have more time to think about it. All right, so this one comes from your dad, actually. So he said he wishes he had this type of content when he was 20 instead of 70. So a. Listen up, young folks, enough. Put all this stuff to the test. And are there any suggestions for us retired folks to start like implementing mindset?

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah, 100%. So, dad, and this is utterly fascinating to have this kind of platform to say something that if we were just hanging out would feel super fucking awkward. Yeah, you've got a lot of time. You've got a lot of time. Like, I am super optimistic. First, he's very healthy. So, dude, you could have 30 years. Like 30 years is a lifetime. 30, 30 years. It's unimaginable what you can do. So what do you want to do? Right? Like, what do you want to set your mind to? And right now, like it's your car collection, right? And to, to decide, like, where is that going? What is the. Do I want to take it somewhere? Do I want to build something and really just be honest? Because not everybody has to build something. But if you wanted to do that, to really believe to the core of your being that you have time because you've, you've been told a cultural narrative since the time that you were a kid, that life is essentially over when you get to 70, but you don't act like that. You don't live like that. You and your wife, like, seem really into each other. It's fucking beautiful. Like, they're really, like, into each other. Super cool to see. So know that you have the time to do the things you want to do and go for it. So it's about building skills, right? So whatever it is that you want to do, the only thing I can promise you is there's a gap in skillset between who you are today and who you need to be to accomplish that thing. And so if it's like, you know me, right? So if I were you, I'd say, I want to win the Riddler. And if you guys know what the Riddler Award is. So my dad once took me to a car show where a former winner of the Riddler Award was there. I don't like cars, but I was like, jesus. Like, it was stunning. It was a work of art. And that's how I looked at it, right? It was a work of art. True beauty. So it's like the highest award you can win in classic car restoration. So I'm thinking, I've got 30 years. I could easily do that. So whether it's I need to acquire resources or convince other people to give me their resources or to just work on a team that's trying to win the Riddler, like, all of this is a possibility. So it just comes down to what you want. But believe that you have the time, believe that you can acquire the skills, and then set about relentlessly doing so. And that applies to urry buddy Hashtag Urry buddy truth. Nice.

[Cindy]

We've, like, broken 63 viewers, which is amazing. Like, peak for us.

[Tom Bilyeu]

That is so. That's a lot of sharing, man. Mad respect, guys. Thank you so much. So much. And that. That just. You can't imagine that is the exact reward that. That we want for all of this content is just to share it, get it out to more people, and then we live or die by whether we actually help people do something. So thank you guys so much. Means a lot. And if you're just joining us, by the way, this is something we do every week. This is our live Facebook Q and A. Today it's family Day. So I have my children with me who are the ones making the noise. He actually did just now, but he. So his sister has taught him very, very bad habits. He used to be practically a monk. Like, he. He's taken a vow of silence, meditative.

[Cindy]

He would just, like, walk around and.

[Tom Bilyeu]

But she just. She is so barky. And I honestly, when we got her, I thought because because, hey, he's a Chihuahua, right? Everyone thinks, oh, he should be yappy. No, we put the hammer down on that. He does not bark. And. And then we got her. And I thought, I've had two Chihuahuas. Neither were obscenely barky. I got this. We're good. And she has broken my will to, like, she's broken my will.

[Cindy]

So that's so funny, because I feel like that's what happens, like, with parents and their youngest kids. They, like, eventually they're just like, I just. I can't. Like, the other ones have just taken it out of me.

[Tom Bilyeu]

That's a huge part of it. But I put the energy and I put. Let me be real. I put two or three times more energy into getting her to be quiet than I did into these two. And she. It's almost pathological for her because you've seen her do it right where you tell her to be quiet. And so she'll do this. Like, she just. She can't help herself. She cannot help herself. It's like. And even though she knows, like, that I'm gonna dog whisper, I'm gonna put her on her back. I'm gonna make her lay there. She can't stop. She can't. So I think I know what the answer is, and it would be to. For three weeks, I couldn't do anything but train her. And I think that would work because I certainly don't believe it's, you know, insurmountable.

[Cindy]

Yeah.

[Tom Bilyeu]

But it would take three weeks worth of effort for me to truly make it a habit in her to not bark. And we'd have to do, like, crazy scenarios where, you know, we've got the clicker and we've got cars driving by and people running around the house, and, you know, you just have to wear. Have to go all in.

[Cindy]

Super crazy.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Because for a minute I thought Christopher was gonna Dr. Finesse with his clicker. He's gonna be, like, the one she's

[Cindy]

still, like, low key, kind of, like, really, really good around.

[Tom Bilyeu]

That's also her bae, so, you know, take that for what it's worth.

[Cindy]

All right, so this next question comes from Joshua. So this weekend, he's going to see a mentor that reached that. He reached out to Wicked at the Epcot International Arts Festival, and he's allowing me to help him with his table. He does similar 3D artwork that I do, too, at a much higher level. I feel like I have a pretty good grasp on what to look for. And ask for what. Ask him when I'm there. So what else would you look for and ask for in a mentor?

[Tom Bilyeu]

Dude, go highly tactical on this one. Highly tactical. Like, what are the things that he does to keep his cost down? What are the things that he does to market? What are the, the things that he does to create? Like, if he's creating things that are better than yours, like, what are the nuanced differences that allow him to do that? And just really, really get literal, get tactical, get like, show me how to do this. How do you hold your knife? How do you cut this? How do you glue things together? And that would be phase one for me, would be all about sort of the tactical art stuff. Phase two would be about marketing. But for now, just like nail down the how to. And, And Joshua, I'm begging you, man. You're gonna have to leave an impression on this guy. So there's gonna be two things you need to do. One, you have to just be willing to bust your ass. Like, think of all the things that are shitty that he doesn't wanna do. Carrying stuff, running around, getting food. Do all of that. You'll be shocked at how much of an impression you can make on somebody just by going, hey, I think I've identified like the lamest things and I wanna do all of those, okay? That makes a huge impression on people. And this is something people fail to do. Cause people don't like to work hard. But I'm going to take all the lame things, I'm going to do them and then do them with excellence. So if he wants a hot dog with like half has ketchup and the other half has mustard, but he wants relish on the whole thing, like, get that shit right? And truly, truly, like, you will be shocked. Like what? Where that embeds you in somebody's mind because they feel taken care of, they feel heard, and they feel like, you hustle and you do that shit. It is the like most ninja psychological tool that I can give you right now. Do that. And then, then you hit him with the. And the exchange I'm looking for is knowledge and connections. That's it. And so then if you're doing that and you're delivering at the highest level, carrying his stuff around, getting things he needs, being attentive, helping. Then when you have like 20 questions you want him to go through, he'll go through all 20. Because you hustled and you removed pain points, so you brought real value, right? It's about bringing real value. It's not about extracting value. Okay? You can extract the value after you've given, given, given, given, given. Because then he'll actually reciprocate by really giving you what you want. And then you've got to know when to leave him the fuck alone. That's the truth. You got to know when to back off and let him do what he's doing.

[Cindy]

Ebbs and flows.

[Tom Bilyeu]

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[Cindy]

Yeah. Oh, and a reminder, guys, if you're in the Atlanta area, I'm hosting our first, like, impactivist on the road meetup. So check it out. It's on the Facebook page. There's an event invite in there for everyone. All right, so this next question comes from Jay. From your interview with Sean this week, what was your biggest takeaway?

[Tom Bilyeu]

My biggest takeaway on Sean, what I really, really respected about Sean is that he does a few things. One, he uses pressure to show up, which I think is really, really interesting. So he's learned mentally how to deal with that. Then he uses competition to elevate his practice. And the way that he illustrated that, which wasn't what I was expecting because you'd expect it to be a snowboarding story. It was actually when he was learning to play guitar and how he wanted to tap into competitiveness because his brother was learning guitar at the same time. There were a couple other kids in the neighborhood that were learning guitar. And he said, I'm not going to talk about it. I'm just going to do it and I'm going to shut the door in my bedroom and I'm going to learn this stuff. And he just, because of snowboarding and skateboarding, he has this knack of breaking things down into the, the like incremental pieces that he needs to really get good at something. So like up picking was hard for him. And so he would, you know, he's always on flights and instead of making excuses saying, well, I would learn guitar but I'm on flights and I can't have the guitar in my lap, he just kept a pick with him and he would pick the seam of his jeans in the same pattern that he would the guitar to teach himself how to up pick while he was listening to the kind of music that he wanted to play. So I just thought, wow, that's so smart. But like for him, he needed that competition to like tap into the motivation in order to push and keep going. And he was willing to play the long game because he knew he wasn't going to be in a band in a year or five years, he's going to be in a band in 10 years. And so he just put in the work. And then of course, of all the people that picked up guitar, he's the only one that ends up in a band. On tour with 30 seconds to Mars, which is, you know, certainly at the time he went on tour was one of the biggest bands on the planet. I would still say is pretty damn big. So just super, super smart. Somebody who understands how to trigger his own mentality to get the results from himself that he wants and then how he deals with failure. But we'll move on to the next.

[Cindy]

You're like, okay, well I mean it's super true about the whole like pressure and competition and like that dichotomy for some people like elevates them and some people breaks them.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah, well said. I agree.

[Cindy]

So this One comes from K.J. tom, who is your favorite superhero and what was the most impactful moment in comic book history for you personally? And how do comic books fit into modern day mythology?

[Tom Bilyeu]

So if you'll grant me that Neo was briefly in a comic, then I will say Neo is my favorite comic book character. But even I don't really think of him as a true comic book character. So I'll go with Batman or Iron man, those two sort of compete. I like Iron man because he's so actively involved in his business and he's an engineer, so he's building things. And that's one thing that's always bothered me a little bit about Batman is that he's more or less he, he has the resources financially, but he's just sort of throwing them at the problem, which while is a great strategy, is not as inspiring as Ironman where he's got both. Right. So he has the resources, but he also has the engineering skills to really, like, lock himself in a room, do the deep work, think about the things that he's trying to create, and then actually build them. I really, really love that. And he also, because he steps forward and says, this is who I am, he's able to continue running his company. And that's obviously just as far as lining things up. Personally, in my own life, I find that great. And then I love, love the arc of Iron Man. So Batman's really driven by the sickness, right? He's driven by the guilt that he has over the death of his parents. Whereas Iron man used to be a tool. And so he wants to stop being a bit of a douche and not be the playboy anymore and really connect with something bigger than himself and see how he can help people. And so he just has a really awesome art because it happens as an adult. Whereas Batman, really, the transformation that he goes through is, you know, when he sees his parents killed in front of him. So what's the. The thing in comic lore that I've been most impressed with?

[Cindy]

Impactful.

[Tom Bilyeu]

I. I can only give you a cheap answer. I've not thought a lot about that because I think from. Okay, well, no, here the answer that now springs to mind is, I guess vamped long enough is dmz. DMZ rocked me. And that one still freaks me out. I think the DMZ is super, super relevant. I'm going to be trying to move some chess pieces on the board with the dmz. I'll leave it at that for now. But if anybody has connections to any. Anybody that's involved in the dmz, now would be the time to put that forth. Yeah, that would be amazing. And I think Cindy has a message.

[Cindy]

Yeah. So congrats to Yinxi Quadri. Sorry if I butchered your name. You just won our. Our share. Giveaway word.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Thank you. Yinxy. Dope name, by the way. And then the third component of that was

[Cindy]

what's so. And how.

[Tom Bilyeu]

What's the role?

[Cindy]

Modern day mythology.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah. So right now it has become a breeding ground for films, which is sort of the, in my mind, the ultimate embodiment of mythology. My problem with mythology in general is because we all know that the myths aren't real, that we don't. We turn a blind eye to the fact that they actually offer a manual for how to live. And. And then for the people that do take them seriously, they're not executing and they're not showing the world that, see, this is real. There aren't enough people saying, I encountered this idea in a comic book. I encountered this idea in a movie, and then it was reinforced by a mentor. And then I learned how to run a business. And here I've created this medical device, and now it's actually helping people. We need to show more people that lineage. And that used to be the thing, right? So you're a hunter. Why are you so good at hunting? Because I've tapped into, you know, my spirit animal, and that's made me strong. And, you know, and. And so because people believed it like, that became okay. You wanted to commune, right? You wanted to have that relationship with the spirit animal. You wanted to show the respect to the animal that you were hunting. You wanted to really contribute to the ritual, to the community. And it just was like the glue that bonded everybody together because they believed it was real. And the rituals then really carried meaning in people's lives, and now we don't have that. And so we get, you know, eternal adolescence where people just. They're not crossing from one stage of their life to the next. And I believe that this unique moment that we're living in, where we have the entertainment for entertainment sake stuff, we can marry it to merchandising, that reinforces the ideology. So whether it's you put your Batman socks on whenever you go into an important meeting, not saying I do, but

[Cindy]

I'm not saying,

[Tom Bilyeu]

you know, your. Your Rebel alliance necklace, you know, all that stu. To just reinforce the ideology in your own mind. And then we can talk about it as a community and see more and more people who are successful bringing this stuff in. And it's really interesting because you look at what Elon Musk is doing, and he obviously grew up in that era, and he has so many references planted into his companies, but he does them all tongue in cheek. And I love that. And I'm so glad that he's doing that because it elevates the fun side of all of that and shows how you can. You don't have to lose that to execute at the highest levels. But I'd love to see more people that can also do it. You know, not overly serious. I'm not looking for overwrought dramatization here, but, you know, to say, like, hey, this. This thing that means something to me, like, Jesus Fiverr made vehicles, you know, to have one called the Ebuchadnezzar. You know, it's like, so that you begin to see, like, how my mindset has been pieced together.

[Cindy]

I dig it. I dig it. So this next one comes from Jean Pierre P. Very French of him. So his question is, which situations or encounters, slash, events, made you the man that you are today and why?

[Tom Bilyeu]

Wow.

[Cindy]

Boom.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah. Well, largely because it's on my mind, but also because I really do consider this a watershed moment. My dad convincing me to read was huge. Failing in film school was huge. Meeting my wife was huge. She's just changed so many things about my mentality, really. I mean, this is sort of the gestalt reading. And if you're going to force me to break it down. The Power of Myth. There have been movies that changed me. The Matrix had a huge impact on me. The notion of Jedis had a big impact on me. What's another one that's. Oh. When we were at Awareness Technologies, quitting, that changed everything. I ended up not quitting, but I went in, I quit the whole thing. Just when I thought I was out, they pulled me back in. We go back, but we end up selling that company and starting Quest. So quitting really was the catalyst that led to that, and that has changed everything about my life. And then leaving Quest and starting Impact Theory, like those are. I mean, that's a thumbnail sketch. And if I really sat down and, you know, thought about it, I'm sure there's more. And I'm sure there's more like hurtful moments, which tend to really be. While they really sting at first. If you look for the lesson in there. Moments of inadequacy where I really. Where it wasn't that I just didn't feel good enough. I actually wasn't good enough.

[Cindy]

Yeah.

[Tom Bilyeu]

And so having to come face to face with that and develop the skills and get better. Um. Yeah. That. As a thumbnail sketch, that gets you there.

[Cindy]

Yeah. Super powerful.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Oh, my mom forcing me to leave the nest, which I. Yeah, I would have stayed at home. I almost chickened out of leaving for college.

[Cindy]

Really?

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah. My mom was, like, not having it

[Cindy]

all packed up fast enough.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah. Went through something different.

[Cindy]

So this one, speaking of Lisa, so this one comes from Carrie. She loved the episode that you guys did for Valentine's Day. So if you haven't checked it out, it's a great episode all about relationships. So thank you for that. So you guys talked about your selfish time. Why do you call it selfish time? And are you familiar with the Power of When quiz, which was Created by Sleep Doctor Dr. Michael Brewis?

[Tom Bilyeu]

I'm not familiar with the when quiz at all. Why do we Call it selfish time, because it is selfish time. And I like to call things what they are and not let words have power over you. So to me, being selfish is not new, negative. Like, if you're. If the cultural spin on the word selfish is keeping people from thinking that they, you know, should have time to themselves. Like mothers. Mothers fall prey to that all the time, and they think that they live for their kids. You. You are not a vehicle to make sure that your kids live right. That's one of your roles. But that shouldn't be. The only thing that having kids do to you is make you like a servant to them. So people need to carve out time for themselves. And. And what makes me a little sad is the only way people can justify it is they go, well, I'm gonna carve out this time for myself, because if I don't take care of myself first, then I can't take care of them. But you still, like, all you're still focused on is taking care of them. So at some point, you just have to say, I am a person. I am distinct and unique. I have desires, wants, value as an individual. And I'm going to explore them, period. Not, I'm going to explore them, and that makes things better for other people. I'm going to explore them because I fucking want to. And that's that. And then from that position, you can. Because, look, I'm saying that as the guy who's totally embraced being codependent with my wife, like, I want my universe inextricably intertwined with hers, and I want to share a dream, and I want to make that dream the dream of two voices coming together. And that means that, yes, it is not, like, exactly what I would do if I was on my own. It's not exactly what Lisa would do if she were on her own. But in that, like, coming together, like, we find so much joy and comfort and beauty and all of that, that, yeah, it's like, love it. But at the same time, I am an individual, and there are going to be times where I don't want to do what she wants to do. And so it's very easy to keep the balance by carving out some time to be selfish. And my wife and I are both pleasers. So some of this came up from the saying we used to call selfish desire. We still do.

[Cindy]

Where.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Cause this is how it would go. Cindy, what do you want to have for lunch? I don't know. Whatever you want. No, no, no. But, like, what are you feeling? And so you start thinking Well, I really want pizza, but I know he was saying, like, that pizza kind of upset his stomach, so he probably doesn't want pizza, right? Jesus. Like, how much time we'll lose doing that, where everyone's trying to guess what the other person wants. Because maybe that day, secretly I was feeling pizza too. So we just started this saying. We have a rule. You start with selfish desire. It doesn't mean we're gonna do your selfish desire, but at least now we know what the other person wants. So selfish desire, what do you want to do? I want to lay outside and eat pizza all day. Okay, well, I want to go outside too, so that's rad. So why don't we order you pizza and I'll make something here. I don't care. Or I'll order something too for delivery. And now it's like, we know, and then we try to find that common thing and, you know, or. Yeah, just space it out over the day. I could go on and on about self is desire, but being selfish to me is not a bad thing. It's critical.

[Cindy]

It is. I mean, there's not more to add to that.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Totally.

[Cindy]

All right, so this one comes from Ian. You've said that employee minded people use obstacles as excuses while entrepreneurs find a way around them. You've also said you get pissed when you hit a roadblock. Please expand upon the nuances and possible dangers of using anger as fuel. Always with the bomb questions.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah, these are dope. So I. There is no danger in using anger as a motivation. There is a danger in ever using any motivation as your sole motivation. And I think it always comes down to the push, pull. So anger. I'll throw into the 10 or 20% camp. You probably shouldn't spend more than 10 or 20% of your time focusing on the negativity, the aggression, the. The anger, you know, whatever the case may be. But it's there and it's a powerful human emotion and you can use it to really take action. I just think that, like, anything. In fact, I was talking to Jamie Wheel, we had him on the show, and I was saying, okay, if people, you know, so many people that use psychedelic drugs like the studies are doing with MDMA and how effective it is at reducing post traumatic stress disorder. And so why don't people just use it all the time? And he didn't really answer it. But in truth, like, I kind of know the answer. And the answer is, for whatever reason, a huge part of the human condition is things work in moderation. And when you go overboard they tend to have problems. So anger very much falls into that camp. And quite frankly, so does gratitude. Oh, God, are we gonna get death threats? Like, even that there's a point at which it becomes pathological and it's not useful anymore. So you've really got to understand the push pull of knowing when to be pissed, knowing when to be disappointed in yourself, knowing when that you're really not good enough. You're not enough. You need to work harder. You need to grind it out and push forward and all that. But if you're not taking a massive amount of time to realize you are good enough exactly as you are, you don't need to do anything more. That there are beautiful things in this world right now. From how good it feels to take a deep breath to Jared's lovely new haircut, right? To be. To just be like. And. But like, really for a second, I knew that would get a laugh, but it's like, just for a second think about how amazing it is that there's a human being that has trained themselves to cut hair that you can go to, and for a relatively small amount of money, they will do it for you. And you look fucking sharp, right? It's specialization. And so, like, specialization, if you guys have read the book the Rational Optimist by Matt Ridley, he talks about that specialization is one of the things that have allowed to develop the culture that we have and that people trying to do everything for themselves is. It just isn't a scalable endeavor. Exactly. So to be able to reflect on something sort of so fundamental to the human condition and really see the beauty and, like, be grateful for that is awesome. But if you just sit around all day and you're like, I'm grateful for the dirt and for the air and for smiles and, like, you will be taken advantage of by the world. The world will eat you alive. Right? And as somebody who's not trying to be a monk, like, I'm not trying. I studied Buddhism. I even went pretty hard on it for a while. I'm not trying to be a Buddhist, man. Not trying to be a Buddhist. And let me. And here let me say why I'm not trying to be a Buddhist. Because part of their goal is to detach from earthly pursuits. I'm not trying to detach from earthly pursuits. Like, we seem so clearly wired. Like, I don't care how good of a monk, how, like, enlightened you are. Enlightenment, like, anything is not a permanent state, right? You will never be just like, even keel forever. You're always gonna have moments where, like, I'm enlightened. Oh, man, I feel like an ass. Oh, my God. I'm enlightened again. Right, so it's like, it's gonna be this sort of ebb and flow. So since I know you can't get rid of that and you're going to go through this anyway, you might as well just, like, go all in and see how far you can push this human experience. So that's my thing.

[Cindy]

I like it. All right, so congratulations to Ben. You're our winner for Impact Theory. T shirt.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Boom. Did we give one away yesterday or is this the first one?

[Cindy]

Yeah, no, we gave one away yesterday.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Okay, so this is number two.

[Cindy]

So this is number two.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Nice. Congratulations, Ben. You are now in a very small club, my friend.

[Cindy]

The smallest club.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Nice. Yeah, good answer.

[Cindy]

Mel Robbins was so dope. Okay.

[Tom Bilyeu]

She was.

[Cindy]

So this question also comes from Jean Pierre. How can you set an unshakable mind that will take action? And how do you find your true calling?

[Tom Bilyeu]

All right, so true calling is harder. So let's start there. The problem with saying that something is a calling is it makes it sound like it's external and it's coming to you. And you have to just, like, find that space in your house where you're getting good enough reception to receive it. And that's not how it works. So a calling really is a religious way, if I'm honest of saying that. You've developed an interest into a passion and it feels so good and you're getting so good at it, and it lines up with the goals that over time, you have sort of created for yourself, either unintentionally or intentionally. And so everything just comes into alignment. So, for instance, let's look at my true calling. Literally, just today, Carl Lenore referred to Impact theory is my true calling. And here's why. While I'm not a big fan of those words, here's why. If you're going to use those words, this is my true calling. So my first love has always been film. Film may be because of the way that I'm wired. Like, maybe it's just that I have an overdeveloped mirror neuron system. And so when I watch people on screen, I'm sorry, moved and transported, that they truly take over my brain chemistry. So for me, life is like this dynamic roller coaster ride. And sometimes it's thrilling and terrifying and deep love. And, like, I'm going on all of those rides, right? And they've actually done studies on this. If you put a camera Facing back at the audience, some percentage of them actually move their faces to match the faces of the people on screen. And you do that because you're. When you match the physicality of somebody, you can literally feel what they're feeling. Like, literally. Okay. Not like, hey, I'm imagining what you're feeling it. Right. And that's me. Like, when I'm watching a movie, I'll find myself all, like. Like, totally controlled. This will be like, you need to let go of my hand because I'm like, you know, if it's like, getting really tense or whatever, like, I'm so embodying what's happening. So maybe because of that, that's why I fell in love with film so hard.

[Cindy]

Yeah.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Then I go to film school and as a kid, as a child of the 80s, I was obsessed with getting rich. Obsessed. And so, on the one hand, I wanted to be sort of the poet filmmaker, and on the other hand, I wanted to get rich. Now, if I'm honest, I never would have gone into film if you couldn't get rich. That's the truth.

[Cindy]

Okay, that's. I mean, that's valid.

[Tom Bilyeu]

So I went into film because it was this beautiful thing that, like, I loved movies so much and, like, they were just so powerful to me. And it was this narrative of how you can get wealthy. So I was like, fantastic. That makes a lot of sense.

[Cindy]

Yeah.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Also just the coming to la and it was like this bigger than life city in Hollywood and all that. So, boom, I do. I'm pursuing all that. It all makes sense. And then in everybody else's mind, that goes away, right? And then I become a business guy and I do this, like, hard, right? And now I'm doing something totally unrelated. But for me, it was always still tapping into those things. So the thing that I discovered in filmmaking was psychology. I had to understand people physiology. I had to understand how physically they were interacting with the stimulus that I was giving them so that I could maximize its impact. Which falls into then marketing, because marketing is psychology and you have to understand how people are engaging with it. The physiology began to bleed into understanding my own body and being able to. To take control of my mind. So, like, all of the underlying obsessions, wealth creation, all of them were still there. So for me, it felt totally natural to go down the path of business. So now you have these two things, which people either know me as the filmmaker or they know me as the business guy. The reason that impact theory seems like the answer to my true calling is because it's Both of those together.

[Cindy]

Yeah.

[Tom Bilyeu]

So that's, that's what a true calling looks like. Right? It's your skill set. The things that you're obsessed with and the things that you really are just hell bent to gain mastery in that you want the neurochemical response. Because a big part of this is also, I love helping other people. I get a real chemical reward from seeing other people succeed. Maybe going back to the mirror neurons again. I just, I get a lot of pleasure from that. So if you want to find your true calling, it's about taking those overlapping areas of interest, getting good at them, skill acquisition, gaining mastery in that area, and then seeing if you still enjoy it. And if you do, you keep going. And if you don't, you pivot, you change, you move until you find those areas of overlapping interest where you can really develop it into this engine of passion. That's a true calling. Okay. And then make it express itself in a way that's self sustaining. And then the first part of the question, which was easier, but now I have forgotten. Unshakable mind. Unshakable mind.

[Cindy]

Action. Perfect.

[Tom Bilyeu]

So that comes down to identity. So you need to identify, you need to create the identity within yourself that you are that type of person. And it really, it starts this simple. And I wonder sometimes if, if people think that I'm leaving something out, but I'm not. It's just as simple. You start by saying, I am that type of person. I am a person with an unshakable mind. I am a person who takes action every morning. You start saying that to yourself, you start telling anybody else who will listen, and then you start actually acting in accordance with it, because otherwise you're just lying. So in order to avoid that discrepancy between who you say you are and how you're acting, you have to start acting in accordance with your identity or admit that you're not that type of person. And I find that is so hard to admit that you're a type of person that you view as less like to say, I am lazy. Right. I'm not willing to do that. It doesn't feel good for most people. And so it makes them start taking those first steps into just being congruent with who they say they are. But it's all about identity.

[Cindy]

Way to start. All right, this one comes from Jay. So he says that he's heard you talk about your struggles with reading and you display some of the qualities of a person who's dyslexic. Are you dyslexic?

[Tom Bilyeu]

No, no, I kind of wish I was. So I'm reading this. I think it's disrupt yourself. He, Jay Samet is also dyslexic, and he talked about that and he said what they're learning now is people who are dyslexic while they have a hard time reading, they actually have a really easy time at seeing a problem as a holistic puzzle instead of getting myopically focused on any one thing. And that whatever wiring it is that makes you dyslexic also seems to have these advantages. And that is something that I have struggled with. So, like many people struggle to read, but then have an easy time with the seeing it as this holistic puzzle from a better vantage point. I have not had a hard time reading, but I struggled to see things from the holistic viewpoint, which is why I'm just now getting to impact theory. I couldn't have conceived of this 10 years ago. Even though all the pieces were floating around in my mind, I couldn't fucking shake them. And when Zuda comics came out and I was heartbroken that somebody had beat me to it, but what had they beaten me to? Like, I didn't fully understand, like, how to execute against it as a business. So it's taken me a long time to be able to get that perspective, to look back and see, okay, this is how all the pieces fit together. This is why we need merchandising. This is why we have to get people to think of merchandising differently. This is on and on. I'm not dyslexic.

[Cindy]

All right, so this one comes from Amber Phelps. How do you go get beyond the fear of not having the safety of having a real job, particularly if you're upbringing anchors you to that safety?

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah, I think to have a real job, have safety, I love that. So I'm all for safety. And I want to make sure. And I know that I'll be telling this story until the day that I die. But, you know, when we went from awareness tech to quest, we kept awareness tech going until we knew the quest was how to market. And so I think that doing that is super smart and don't put yourself into an uncomfortable situation and make this a misery. You know, it's going to be enough that it's going to take a lot of hard work and that you're going to be doing that hard work on top of your other job, you know, but 50% of your waking hours are free, so you spend 50% of your waking hours at work. But the other 50 are there for you to spend how you want. And if what you want to do with that time is hang out with your family and watch tv, then just own it and just hang out with your family and watch TV and love it and find the gratitude in that and cuddle extra hard and you know, really engage with what your kids are doing or whatever. Um, it's where the problem comes in, is when people think they should want something that they don't actually want. And I used to tell employees, look, if what you want is an easy, stress free life, that's awesome. Like that's rap. Own that right, Own that. Just don't put yourself on a track to like, you know, be a rocket ship to the moon to try to carve a path through the company. And you know, because you'd get these guys who secretly just wanted a chill life and they would come and say like, I want your job in five years, years. You know, it's like, hey, full respect. Like, I love, I love it when people say that to me. But the problem is that the first words out of my mouth are, don't say that to me. Because then I put you in a different box in my mind and now I'm going to hold you to my standard and I'm just going to externalize my internal monologue and you are going to immediately think I'm a jerk, but that's how I push myself. So it's like you need to be in alignment with what you really want. So you have to, you have to identify that.

[Cindy]

Yeah, and I feel like that starts with like looking inward and figuring out what truly drives you and like what pieces that you need to put together in your life that make sense for you.

[Tom Bilyeu]

100%.

[Cindy]

Yeah. So this next one comes from John Smith. So Tom, I'm thinking of leaving my secure job with a great pension and I want to go into teaching, but I still want to be more secure in what I want to, to do. Any suggestions?

[Tom Bilyeu]

Man, you're a hardcore mofo. Teaching is brutally, brutally difficult. The good news is that there is a massive shortage of great teachers. So it'd be very easy for you to get something part time somewhere, even if at an experimental school or something, just to make sure that you really like it. Or depending on what it is you like about teaching, you start a web channel and see if people take to your messaging. It could be writing medium articles. There's a lot of low risk ways to really put your educational stuff out into the universe and see how people respond to it. So I would do those, you know, if you've got a comfortable job, if you've got something that's paying the bills and the other thing is a risk, do them both at the same time. Test it. Test it. Don't be afraid to test it.

[Cindy]

All right, so we're getting the signal. Except actually, I want to ask this one last question.

[Tom Bilyeu]

This is our last one.

[Cindy]

All right, so this comes from Shekhar, which, which ironically we were just talking about someone coming up to you wanting to be you in five years. So, Tom, I'd actually like to become you in five years in terms of work ethic mostly. Could you offer advice on how to get there, Maybe a concise roadmap on landmarks, how to know that I'm making progress because there's always setbacks and I think some long term perspective would help with that.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah. So I'm going to give you the answer that you're not expecting, but that is exactly what you need to hear. You're going to be me tonight in terms of work ethic, because that is immediate. That has everything to do with just changing your identity. So you need to say that I have Tom Bilyeu's work ethic. Right. And then hopefully you're going to try to beat me. But we'll set the bar nice and low. I have Tom Bilyeu's work ethic. And you're going to hold yourself to that standard. You're going to tell yourself that over and over and over and you're going to tell anybody else who will listen over and over and over. Because if there's one thing you can see in my content, it's my work ethic. So you will literally every day have something nice and easy to ping yourself against. Did you get up as early as I got up? Did you go to bed as early as I went to bed, did you work? My whole thing is I'm either working out or working from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed. Monday through Monday through Friday or Sunday through Friday night, depending on how you want to think of it. So thems is the, you know, that's the drill, like jump in and let's do it. There's nothing standing between you and work ethic. Nothing. That's a decision. Now there are micro things that you can do, make yourself micro promises and then meet them. If you're going to take the slower road on that. And we can certainly go into more detail on that. But since you said you want to be me, work ethic wise. That starts tonight. Right now. Let's do it.

[Cindy]

Start it.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yes. All right, so that's it for today guys. Thank you so much for joining us. Love doing these Q and A's. Love hearing what's on your mind. It means everything to us to engage. If you're not already following me, by the way, on ig, get over to Instagram. Follow me ombilyeu. I do really intimate, like just answering questions, calling out names, real time stuff on ig. It's very different than what we're doing here on Facebook. So go over there and check it out if that sounds interesting. And it looks like Jared has a message for you. There you go.

[Cindy]

Thanks for joining us.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Thanks for joining us. Alright guys, the weekly show. So if you haven't already, be sure to subscribe. And until next time, my friends, be legendary. Take care.

[Cindy]

Bye everyone.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Everybody, thank you so much for listening. And if this content is delivering value to you, please go to itunes, go to Stitcher Rate and review us. That helps us build this community and that is what we are all about right now. Building this community as big as we can to help as many people as we can deliver as much value as possible. And you guys rating and reviewing really helps with that. All right guys, thank you again so much. And until next time, my friends, be legendary. Take care. When you manage procurement for multiple facilities, every order matters. But when it's for a hospital system, they matter even more. Grainger gets it and knows there's no time for managing multiple suppliers and no room for shipping delays. That's why Grainger offers millions of products in fast, dependable delivery. So you can keep your facility stocked, safe and running smoothly. Call 1-800-GRAINGER Click grainger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done.