Q&A on Accountability, Reading Methodologies, and the "Dark Side" (Replay)

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Impact Theory Q&A on Accountability, Reading Methodologies, and the "Dark Side"

Host: Tom Bilyeu
Date: March 16, 2024

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Overview

In this Q&A-driven episode, Tom Bilyeu and co-host Cindy respond to audience questions, diving deep into the importance of accountability, actionable reading, the power of vulnerability, and harnessing both positive and negative emotions to drive success. The conversation also explores how to take action on knowledge, the realities of high performance, and the universal principles that connect business, art, and personal growth. Tom's signature energy, candor, and relentless focus on self-improvement set the tone throughout.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. On Generosity, Parenting, and Teachers

[02:28–03:30]

• Most Generous Act: Tom reflects on how nothing compares to the generosity of parents raising children, given the effort and care involved.
  • Quote: “The fact that they give so much of themselves to ensure that you make it into adulthood...incredibly, incredibly generous. I don’t think anything even comes close to that.” — Tom Bilyeu (03:03)
• Teachers as Unsung Heroes: Both Tom and Cindy emphasize the profound, often underappreciated effort of teachers in shaping lives and society.
  • Cindy: “They don’t get thanked often enough...just know I love you guys.” (08:27)

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2. Happiness, Progress, and Mastery

[03:30–05:44]

• Happiness = Progress: Inspired by Tony Robbins and Joseph Campbell, Tom underscores that fulfillment comes from making measurable progress and pursuing mastery.
  • Quote: “It isn’t momentary happiness, because a lot of times gaining mastery is very painful. ... Happiness of becoming something...is the only thing that is lasting and equals fulfillment.” — Tom Bilyeu (05:32)

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3. Grit, Identity, and Influences

[06:00–08:27]

• Angela Duckworth's Grit: Discussion of Duckworth's journey—leaving McKinsey, teaching in public schools, and confronting negative labels from childhood—illustrates grit and its transformative power.
  • Quote: “She realized that was way harder than what she’d been doing at McKinsey...gained this profound respect for teachers and how much effort they really have to put in.” — Tom Bilyeu (07:56)

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4. Vulnerability, Motivation, and The Role of Pain

[09:03–11:29]

• Tom explains that true vulnerability comes from believing in your ability to improve—separating self-worth from external validation. He discusses leveraging pain, anger, and beauty for motivation.
  • Quote: “I talk about being motivated by beauty and rage in equal measure, and what that means. ... I have anger about things and I have frustrations, and they’re actually an amazing source of energy.” — Tom Bilyeu (10:26)

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5. The Science of Transformation

[11:33–14:23]

• Tom stresses the importance of understanding neuroplasticity and skill acquisition: “The only game you’re up against is effort... You get what you focus on.”
  • Quote: “What people don’t recognize—[about magicians like] Criss Angel—he’s the result of such an absurd amount of effort...you’re more willing to believe he defies physics than believe he works as hard as he actually does.” — Tom Bilyeu (13:09)

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6. Gratitude Practice and Positive Focus

[14:33–16:20]

• Tom addresses the application of the 80/20 rule to gratitude—urging a conscious focus on positivity and beauty, while using negative emotions as actionable energy.
  • Quote: “You’re going to wire in your brain for the one that you spend the most time focusing on.” — Tom Bilyeu (15:17)

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7. Service, Impact, and Giving Back

[16:40–18:08]

• Tom’s current service efforts are channeled into Impact Theory and the XPRIZE Foundation, emphasizing accessible empowerment and solving grand challenges (like clean water, education, and healthcare).

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8. Accountability in Personal & Professional Life

[18:21–19:38]

• Tom credits his wife as his accountability partner and advocates a rigorous routine of daily goal review and tactical action.
  • Quote: “My wife is my personal accountability partner...But then I also just obsess over my goals.” — Tom Bilyeu (18:21)
• Focus on present, actionable steps and boiling ambitions down to “what am I going to do today?”

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9. From Consuming to Applying Knowledge

[21:00–26:44]

• The key to using knowledge: actions must follow learning, and all action must tie back to clear goals.
  • Quote: “If you are not researching the brain right now, today, you are holding yourself back. ... Always be reading, always be executing—those are the things you should be doing on a daily basis.” — Tom Bilyeu (22:55, 26:41)

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10. Communicating in Partnerships

[27:06–28:49]

• Navigating business partnerships requires clear goals, open communication, removal of ego, and agreed-upon “rules of engagement.”
  • Quote: “Partnerships in business are like marriages...You’ve got to know what you’re trying to accomplish and then work your way backwards from that.” — Tom Bilyeu (27:06)

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11. Mental Jiu Jitsu and Mastering Emotions

[29:05–29:31]

• Tom mainly practices “mental Jiu Jitsu” on himself, learning to harness strong emotions without becoming controlled by them.

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12. Breaking Fear and Building Identity

[29:50–32:14]

• Tools like Mel Robbins’ “5 Second Rule” are praised for overcoming inertia, but Tom’s preferred path is constructing a powerful self-identity—acting in accordance with the person you want to be.
  • Quote: “My strategy has always been identity, identity, identity. Who do you want to be? And how would that idealized version of yourself act?” — Tom Bilyeu (31:05)

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13. Facing Uncertainty at Work

[32:20–36:33]

• Tom gives tough-love advice to a listener facing job insecurity: own your value, control your emotional response, and let adversity fuel skill acquisition and forward motion.
  • Quote: “Everything's your fault...which is awesome because it means you're in control….I do not waste a second of my time pissing and moaning about what went wrong. ... I am only thinking about who I am and who I’m trying to become.” — Tom Bilyeu (32:57, 35:30)

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14. Time Management and Optimization

[37:39–42:13]

• Tom’s mantra: “I am drowning in time.” He structures his week with rigorous routines, optimizes “transitional moments,” and seeks to infuse even leisure activities with learning and purpose.
  • Quote: “If you feel like you don’t have a lot of time, it is because you are mismanaging your time. ... Monday through Friday, I fucking work. If I’m awake, I’m either working out or working.” — Tom Bilyeu (37:48)

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15. Business and Art—Universal Principles

[43:26–46:32]

• Tom emphasizes that business and art are governed by the same principles of understanding and serving people. He distinguishes between “masturbation” (art for self only) and “making love” (art that serves and moves an audience).
  • Quote: “In the game of art, whether it’s theater, whether it’s TV, whether it’s filmmaking, you’ve got to be thinking about creating an experience for your audience.” — Tom Bilyeu (43:32)

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16. The Dark Side: Harnessing and Transcending Negative Emotions

[47:50–53:55]

• Referencing Tim Grover and elite athletes, Tom discusses using the “dark side”—pain, anger, and drive born from adversity—without letting it become destructive or all-consuming.
  • Quote: “There is a darkness...what we used to call the sickness. ... You must leverage it, because then you’re Darth Vader. ... You must leverage the light and the dark.” — Tom Bilyeu (50:43, 53:33)

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17. Community, Curiosity, and Growth

[54:08–56:46]

• Cindy shares her passion for working in values-driven environments and her journey from Quest Nutrition to Impact Theory, emphasizing growth through curiosity and autonomy.

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Notable Quotes

• On Execution and Ownership: “Everything’s your fault. ... You control your own destiny.” — Tom Bilyeu (32:57)
• On Mastery: “The pursuit of mastery really is so fundamental to human happiness.” — Tom Bilyeu (03:52)
• On Motivation: “I am only thinking about what I have to do. I am only thinking about who I am and who I’m trying to become.” — Tom Bilyeu (35:30)
• On The “Dark Side”: “You must leverage [the dark], because then you’re Darth Vader...You cannot be a servant to that. You must leverage it.” — Tom Bilyeu (53:33)
• On Art & Business: “They are exactly the same...It’s about understanding the audience and getting them to take action and be changed by what you do.” — Tom Bilyeu (46:08)
• On Reading & Implementation: “Always be reading, always be executing—those are the things you should be doing on a daily basis.” — Tom Bilyeu (26:41)
• On Time Management: "I am drowning in time. If you feel like you don’t have a lot of time, it is because you are mismanaging your time." — Tom Bilyeu (37:48)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Segment | Timestamp | |-----------------------------------------------------|-------------| | Most Generous Thing / Parents & Teachers | 02:28–03:30 | | The Secret to Happiness: Progress & Mastery | 03:30–05:44 | | Angela Duckworth and the Power of Grit | 06:00–08:27 | | Vulnerability and Motivation | 09:03–11:29 | | Neuroscience, Magic, and Deep Work | 11:33–14:23 | | Gratitude Practice (80/20 Question) | 14:33–16:20 | | Service and The XPRIZE | 16:40–18:08 | | Accountability & Goal Setting | 18:21–19:38 | | From Consuming to Applying Knowledge | 21:00–26:44 | | Partnership Communication | 27:06–28:49 | | Mental Jiu Jitsu & Emotional Mastery | 29:05–29:31 | | Overcoming Fear & Identity | 29:50–32:14 | | Facing Uncertainty at Work / The Matrix | 32:20–36:33 | | Managing Time & Energy | 37:39–42:13 | | Business, Art, and Audience Service | 43:26–46:32 | | Harnessing The Dark Side (Tim Grover) | 47:50–53:55 | | Cindy's Journey and Growth | 54:08–56:46 |

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Memorable Moments

• Tom's candid, sometimes profane, motivational "ownership" rants
• The analogy of art as “masturbation” versus “making love” (43:26)
• Candid critique and celebration of high achievers’ “dark side” drive (50:43)
• Cindy’s story: transforming a 5% passion at her previous job into her full-time pursuit

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Final Takeaways

• Success is about sustained action, identity, and leveraging both light and dark emotions without being ruled by them.
• Reading and learning are impactful only when coupled with execution.
• Art, business, and life share the same truths: understand and serve other people, ground your work in clear goals, and constantly refine your methods.
• You are always in control of your response—and that's empowering.

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“Until next time, be legendary.” — Tom Bilyeu

Transcript

[Commercial Announcer]

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[Tom Bilyeu]

At a playground?

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[Cindy]

And you just put in your info and boom, car's in your budget.

[Commercial Announcer]

Mom needs a second. Honey, you can really have it delivered. Really? Or I can pick it up at the dealership.

[Tom Bilyeu]

One sec, sweetie.

[Commercial Announcer]

Mommy's buying a car.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Mommy, look. I think your kid is walking up the slide. Kyle.

[Cindy]

Again?

[Tom Bilyeu]

Really?

[Commercial Announcer]

Auto trader? Buy your car online? Really?

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[Tom Bilyeu]

All right. Hey, everybody. Welcome to another episode of Facebook Live. Q and A. As Cindy is over there discussing somewhat with herself about her musical habits. But we appreciate being invited into that conversation. And to Cindy's aunt, we are making a promise that we are going to get a theme song recorded for Cindy and hopefully sung live while perched on your chair. So big ups to your aunt Cindy.

[Cindy]

Make it happen.

[Tom Bilyeu]

All right. Hey, everybody. So we're super excited to have you guys here today. Yesterday was an amazing day for everybody here at Impact Theory. Unfortunately, we can't give very many details, but just know that it was a red letter day. I was certainly in an amazing mood. It was incredible. You're never going to hear me say the words, put things out into the universe, but I will say tell things to people because you will be shocked what you can make happen when you start telling people what you're trying to accomplish. And then as long as you're willing to back it up with a massive, massive crushing bias towards action, you'll be surprised what you can pull off. So yesterday we moved the ball forward. That is very, very exciting. And hopefully it will come to fruition one day. You never know lines in the water, as Michael Strahan says, but yesterday we. We. We put some serious lines in the water with some pretty exciting bait. So we'll see what comes of it. But, yeah, red letter day.

[Cindy]

Super exciting stuff.

[Audience Member / Question Asker]

Yes.

[Tom Bilyeu]

All right, so hopefully we've got some questions to kick us off. Let's get deep. Let's.

[Cindy]

So we have a few left over from last session. Um, this One's from ig From Risk. Happy. What's the most generous thing someone has ever done for you?

[Tom Bilyeu]

My mom and my dad raised me. And I think anybody that had a reasonable upbringing, if that isn't your answer, then you're probably just not thinking through the problem. Uh, and that's funny, because I've actually never thought through that before. I've never had somebody ask me that question, but that is the immediate answer. Um, the fact that they give so much of themselves to ensure that you make it into adulthood. And honestly, I am not sure how children survive childhood. I think that kids take an absurd amount of risks and do just really, really dumb stuff routinely. They don't have a prefrontal cortex that fully developed. So the fact that parents have to constantly chase you, watch you, feed you, clothe you, buy things for you, make sure you get educated, point you in the right direction, all that good stuff, incredibly, incredibly generous. I don't think anything even comes close to that.

[Cindy]

I don't think so either. Like, it's crazy.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yep.

[Cindy]

Um, and then this one comes from Shawn Z, Also from Instagram on an episode of iq, Tony. You and Tony were able to discuss the benefits of aligning your happiness to consistent, measurable progress. So, in short, happiness equals progress. Have you been able to find a lot of success with that in your life?

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah, that was a real breakthrough for me, coming from Tony Robbins notion that one of the most fundamental building blocks of human happiness is progress. And that's when I really began to think about mastery and gaining mastery and how the pursuit of mastery really is so fundamental to human happiness. And I think it was Ed Decy, who we had on Inside Quest, who talked a lot about how humans are an active species. And that became something that I thought a lot about. And when people really put their finger on something that is fundamental, really foundational to the human experience. And that's what I'm really responding to in the Power of Myth. I'm rereading it now, you know, something like 17 or 18 years after I read it for the first time. And it really is looking at it through the framework of finding those fundamental foundational things. And that really was Joseph Campbell's life work, is what are the elemental, is what he calls it. What are the elemental beliefs that we have that really span cultures that just seem truly fundamental to the human experience? And the way that we're wired,

[Commercial Announcer]

being

[Tom Bilyeu]

an active species, going in, assessing an area and then trying to gain mastery or hold dominion over it, I think is something really fundamental and Will help people really understand something about themselves, about why we have drive in general, like why we want to go in and get good, why we want to master things. And that because it's so fundamental, when you tap into that, acknowledge that, and act in accordance with it, I think you really can find lasting fulfillment. It isn't momentary happiness, because a lot of times gaining mastery is very painful. It's grit. Right. It's holding interest in something over the long period. Period of time, pushing through when it gets boring and, you know, having enough interest in that that you just keep going, keep going. But that, that framework, happiness of becoming something, I think is the only thing that really is lasting and equals fulfillment.

[Cindy]

Makes sense. Yeah. All right, so let's kick it off with our first giveaway. So be sure to share this Facebook Live, and you'll be entered to win a copy of Grit.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Nice. And, yeah, we were just mentioning that, so. And Angela Duckworth is somebody we have to get on the show. If I could channel my inner Wyclef. Angela, I know you're watching this. If you could. I love when he does that.

[Cindy]

I know.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Angela, if you could just hit us up. We're trying to schedule that bad boy. It would be amazing to have you on the show. Just utterly, utterly astonished by your book and your research and think it's amazing and would love for you to share that with our audience. I think it's incredibly powerful.

[Cindy]

And she has such a great story, too.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah. Which I really love now. Are you referencing her dad in that? So what do you mean? Cause when I think about her story, I think about her dad, which is pretty interesting. That's how she opens the book.

[Cindy]

I mean, like, I do remember that part from the book, but I also just, like, resonated with the idea of, like, kind of quitting this, like, super high powered, like, prestigious job to, like, go do something that, like, you truly love. And in that, she, like, had the fortitude to just, like, keep going. And then, like, she dove into, like, her research and just, like, really answering that calling. So, like, that kind of, like, resonated a lot with me. And, Yeah, I feel like, such a space. I, like, don't remember the part.

[Tom Bilyeu]

No, no, you're all over it. And I think that, well, the dad thing maybe was minor, but for some reason really resonated with me. And she said growing up that her dad used to say to her all the time, you're no genius. And I don't think he really understood, like, what kind of impact that would have on her. Which obviously was pretty profoundly negative. And she had to claw her way out of that and then ultimately wins the MacArthur genius grant and so becomes incredibly iron. That this, this thing that really stuck with her from her childhood was how often her father used to tell her that she wasn't a genius, that she would actually go on to be acknowledged pretty profoundly as a genius is funny, but what you're talking about is also amazing. And you know, she had a high powered career at McKinsey. For those that haven't followed her story, high powered consultant at McKinsey, which is like something that if you're going to be in the consulting game, like that's what you aspire to. Like if you can get to McKinsey, it's a jumping off point for the rest of your career. And she left that to be a middle school teach in the New York City public school system, which, dear Lord, I can only imagine. And she realized that that was way harder than what she'd been doing at McKinsey and that, you know, basically gained this profound respect for teachers and how much effort they really have to put into things, which is, you know, going back to people who've been incredibly generous. My teachers, you know, that's another really big one that just, it's an inhuman amount of work.

[Cindy]

Yeah, that's so true. And they don't get thanked often enough because I don't get thanked. Think about like some of the teachers that I should probably reach out to and than putting me on like different pads and stuff and like, just know I love you guys.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah, no, that's awesome.

[Cindy]

But yeah. Okay, so this next one comes from Sarah O. And she says one of the biggest things that I'm really loving about impact theory is seeing you Tom, be more authentically you. Your personality shines through and I love it. I find myself always hesitating to be vulnerable like that, even though I really, really want to be. Can you comment on this?

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah, definitely. So vulnerability is, is that leap of faith that you take. Right. And so for me, being vulnerable came from the belief that over a long enough time period, I can do anything I set my mind to. And once I really believed that I didn't need validation externally and once you no longer crave that validation from other people, then you just start being yourself because you're not looking for other people to reflect back your sense of self worth because you have it internally. And for me, that was just recognizing a truth human nature, which is understanding myelination, understanding how the brain acquires skills, understanding neuroplasticity understanding that that is the human condition is growth, adaptation, change. But it comes from the result of massive effort. And once I understood that the gap between me and people that I admired or that had really accomplished a lot wasn't some innate gift. It was a willingness to work. It was a willingness to apply yourself to something. And in a lot of cases, it was a willingness to tap into their pain. And if you look at somebody like Elon Musk, he was running away from something in the beginning. I mean, literally fled his family life. And it's not something he talks a lot about. And so I certainly do not pretend to be an expert. But when I look at some of the things that have shown up in biographies on him, and he's talked at least a little bit about himself, is it seems like he had a pretty difficult childhood. His mom has vouched for the fact that he was bullied by other kids and that he had a very difficult relationship with his father. And I think things like that give people something to prove. And I was just writing something, in fact, for you today about that. One of the Instagram or Facebook posts that we were working. You know, I talk about being motivated by beauty and rage in equal measure, and what that means. And it means things like that, that seeing that all these internal things that you have can actually be really powerful. And the truth is that I have anger about things and I have frustrations, and they're actually an amazing source of energy. And as long as you don't become a servant to them, as long as you're in control and understand that it's a source of energy and that you can leverage that energy to ride a wave towards your goals, that it can be very, very powerful. And so just all of that coalescing around this notion that at the end of the day, what is separating me from where I want to get is a level of energy and just persistence over time. I didn't need to please anybody else. I just got that about myself and knew that I was willing to put in the work to get there. And so that allows me to just be crazy vulnerable, because I'm not looking for anything valid.

[Cindy]

So, like, what would be the first step in cultivating something like that?

[Tom Bilyeu]

So for me, it was learning about the brain. And I really want that to be one of the things that Impact theory offers. The world is just an understanding of. There are just basic things at work here. There's nothing special. And something I really want to start reinforcing is what magic is like. Magic as in, I'm going to go see a magician perform on stage. Criss angel being my magician of choice. What's up, Chris? What people don't recognize is he's the result of such an absurd amount of effort, time, energy, that you're more willing to believe that he defies the laws of physics than you are to believe that he works as hard as he actually does. And that's what I love about being a human, is once you understand that that's the only game that you're up against, that the greatest mathematicians of all time are the ones that spent the most time thinking about it. When I think about my boy over in the UK whose name, for whatever reason, I'm blanking on right now, Stephen Hawking. Wow. That he credits many of the breakthroughs that he's had to being robbed of his physical body. And in being robbed of that, all he had left was time to think. And because of that, there were no other distractions. There was no going out to the pub and getting pissed, as the Brits say. You know, there was just work. There was just thinking. And so he's gone so deep. And while clearly he's a prodigious talent from an intelligence perspective, that isn't why he's been successful. And that's what I really want people to understand. That may be why he's in the field of physics, but it isn't why he was successful. And why he's successful is because he's done the deep work of really contemplating, thinking about this stuff and going inside his own mental laboratory and thinking his way through these problems. And one thing that's sort of become fascinating to me about the photos that you choose, and for those of you who don't know, Cindy essentially chooses all the photography that we use. So all the images that you see on Facebook, Instagram, she's picked that stuff. And so I've begun to really ask, what. Why are you picking some of the photos that you're picking? Because from a vanity perspective, I think they're atrocious. And I'm like, oh, God. But you often pick ones where I'm in deep work. And I find that really interesting. So there's clearly something that you respond to in seeing me in, like, lost in what I'm thinking about, which is probably why I'm so horrified by how they look, because I have no sense of what my face looks like. I'm just. Just in that moment and doing that deep work. To me, that. That's the game.

[Cindy]

Yeah. Which is kind of the hard part about expressing like the physicality of like the mental transformation is that like often when people are like thinking or like lost in space, they're doing a lot in the background, but it kind of looks like you're zoning out. But it's kind of trying to like capture those moments and making sure that people really see what's kind of behind the eyes.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Right?

[Cindy]

Yeah. IG question.

[Audience Member / Question Asker]

A question from IG 8020 exercise for bringing more gratitude into my life.

[Cindy]

So the question is, is there an 80:20 exercise for bringing more gratitude into your life?

[Tom Bilyeu]

So I'm not sure I fully understand the question. So let's break it down. So the 8020 rule, assuming that's what this is referencing, is that 80% of your results come from 20% of your efforts. Same is true if you have a client based business. Eighty percent of your revenue typically comes from 20% of your clients. Eighty percent, your assay comes from 20% of your clients. I mean, that's the 8020 rule in a nutshell. So is there an 8020 rule for gratitude? I would just be making it up. Those two things are not in any way, shape or form associated in my mind. But gratitude itself as an act is incredibly important because you get what you focus on, right? So if you're focusing on gratitude, then you're going to feel more that wonderful feeling of having something wonderful in your life. And if you focus on the negativity, then you're going to have that will be the stew that you sit in all the time. And they're both true, right? There are negative things in your life, there are positive things in your life, but you're going to feel from a chemical standpoint, you're going to wire in your brain for the one that you spend the most time focusing on. So if I had to twist it into an 8020 thing, I would say you definitely want to spend at least 80% of your time focusing on things that make you feel good. So like the rage and beauty thing, I try to spend the vast majority of my time contemplating and obsessing over the beautiful things in my life. I don't obsess over the negative things, but when the negative energy arises, I ride that wave. But I do say in equal measure. So it'd be a bit of a cheat to force it into the 80 20. But in truth, from a what I obsess over standpoint, what I try to myelinate, I try to myelinate the positivity for sure. Cool.

[Cindy]

All right. Hopefully that helped answer your Question. This next one is from Facebook, from John Smith. So listening to Simon Sinek and some of our other guests, they believe that service is very important. What other services do you take part in besides making the show?

[Tom Bilyeu]

Meaning like giving back kind of thing?

[Cindy]

Yeah, like acts of service?

[Tom Bilyeu]

I guess so. Well one, I really hope that InsideQuest, wow. I really hope that what we're doing not only at InsightQuest but what we're doing here now at Impact Theory is totally about empowering other people and helping other people. And that's obviously a big reason why we don't charge for anything that we're doing. But right now, honestly the vast majority of my focus is this and the X Prize and at the xprize, it's really about funding the things that are going to be the game changing future endeavors. And they span so many things it's hard to put in a nutshell, but safe drinking water. They're working on an avatar X Prize right now which would allow people to essentially be a doctor in a remote village, you know, somewhere in Africa or whatever, but actually have like a doctor here in the US do that. They're working on the tricorder X Prize which would allow somebody with a mobile phone to diagnose an illness better than a group of board certified doctors. The education X Prize which would essentially allow you to hand an iPad to somebody and they would be able to self teach themselves reading. So through that there's a lot of stuff but I'm thinking and engaging at the higher level of being on the board of the X Prize. So those are the two really big things. But for me, my whole life is about that. Everything that we're doing right now is geared towards helping people with no ask in return.

[Cindy]

True. And so this next one comes from Dean on Facebook. Do you use the carrot or stick method to hold yourself accountable or do you have a personal account and pillow accountability partner?

[Tom Bilyeu]

Well, my wife is my personal accountability partner, there's no question about that. And you know, that woman is just unbelievable in her ability to keep me focused and keep me pushing towards the things that we're trying to accomplish. And we talk a lot about that stuff. So yeah, that's from an accountability person standpoint. But then I also just obsess over my goals. I know what they are. I go over them as a part of my morning routine. I go over my execution plan as a part of my morning routine. So every day I'm really, really focusing on exactly what I'm trying to accomplish at like a really high level, a long Term level. You know, I'm thinking 10, 20 years out about what we're trying to accomplish. I have goals that I think will take us 50 years to accomplish. But it all comes down to the tactical. Today, like all you have, right? The present is the only thing that exists. The moment. Right now, there is no real future. It's just a series of nows. So if you're not boiling everything down to the highly tactical, what am I going to do today? You're. You're always going to. It's just going to drift off into the future. And it goes back to that book that I read called Einstein's Dreams where there's two types of people. If you live forever, type one never does anything because there's always time to do it tomorrow. And type two does everything right now because they know that there's actually time to do everything that they've always wanted to do. And I fall into that camp. So it's about that daily Action, action, action, action.

[Audience Member / Question Asker]

A new question.

[Cindy]

All right.

[Audience Member / Question Asker]

It's from King Jace247. He wants to know he's. First of all, he's stumbled across some side quests and impact theory and has been locked into our repeat episodes. He really wants to know what are the tips on using all this knowledge rather than just consuming it.

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[Tom Bilyeu]

You want to re ask the question so everybody hears it.

[Cindy]

So King Jace wants to know awesome name, by the way. He wants to know what are the best tips for using all of the knowledge that are from the episode. So I do impact theory, just not consuming but actually implementing each and every nugget yeah.

[Tom Bilyeu]

So that's really going to come down to what your goals are. So everything, everything, everything in your life has to work backwards from the goal. So that's why it's really hard. We're actually working on some new content and I'd love leave in the comments what you guys think about this. We're working on a new show called Startup Theory where we're actually going to walk highly tactical things you need to do to start a business. And the thing that's difficult for me is that if I don't know your business is, the only thing I can do is give you really high level advice. Okay, here are the things that apply to everything. But that's really a very small percentage of the ultimate things. Excuse me, that are going to apply to everything. So it really comes down to what is your business that will determine the highly tactical stuff. So without knowing your goals, it becomes very difficult to tell you precisely what to do. But here are some things that are completely universal. If you are not researching the brain right now, today, you are holding yourself back. If you are not learning to control your emotions, you are holding yourself back. If you're not learning to be influential with other human beings, you're holding yourself back. So the tactical of that and people often ask me like, what am I trying to be the best in the world at? And I usually say I want to influence people, but the truth is what I want to do is I want to be the best in the world at understanding and really controlling the human mind. And I mean that inwardly. Right. Pointed inside myself. And so to me, that is the most profoundly universal thing that you could ever do is self development and getting more powerful. Now how do we define power? Power to me is the ability to close your eyes and envision a world, open your eyes and execute against that to actually bring that world into being. So those are the things that I think that people should be doing. You should be reading every day. You should be acting on the things that you read. So for instance, I read a book called the Power of Myth. The first time I read it again was I said earlier, I think I said 16 or 17 years. But it must have been less than that because I read it after my wife and I were together. So we've been together 16 years. So it's somewhere around the 15 year mark, something like that. That I read that book. Yeah. So Jesus, nobody cares. It was roughly that long. So weird. People get tripped up in that.

[Cindy]

Someone might because like everybody latches on to different details. Yeah.

[Tom Bilyeu]

And the thing I'm always worried about is someone's gonna be like, hey, you once said it was 17 years, and then later I say it's 15. So it's in that ballpark a very long time ago. And that book really changed my life. And from that moment I have been trying to act upon it. So the first thing that I did from reading the Power of Myth was I ritualistically scarred myself for my wedding. I've talked about that. I'm sure I'll talk about that more. That was very important to me and has had a lasting impact on my relationship with my wife because it reminded me that I'm a different person the day before I got married and the day after, literally I'm a different person. So that is important. And then the other thing is impact theory is me finally making good on all the lessons that I learned. Because that book showed me that there are just these universal myths that speak to who people are internally. So when I began to really formulate what the. I don't think a lot about legacy, but what the living legacy I want to be of my actions, like what grand thing I'm trying to do to change the world for the better is to end mental generational poverty. Right. So I need a better word for that because people think I'm talking about money and I'm very much not. But. But there's a poverty of mindset of people who believe that they're limited, that they can't do all the things that they want to do, that they don't have a perspective that is encouraging, that pushes them forward, that talks about the ability to change the brain, change your skill set, develop yourself, grow and be capable of executing against that. So because that's what I want to accomplish or sorry, because that's what I learned from the book the Power of Myth, that mythology is one of the most potent tools that as a species that we have and we're not tapping into it anymore. And so I see that largely as my calling is to show people how to use the ever present stories around us that we tell ourselves, that other people tell us, that are caught up in popular culture, that drive so much of the marketing dollars that drive the things that we spend money on. In fact, in 2016, the fastest growing company in America was a company called Loot Crate. And what they do is they celebrate geek and comic culture. And so they sell these things, whether it's T shirts, whether it's figurines or whatever that are from mythology, and whether that's mythology is comic books, TV shows, movies. But it's all mythology. It's all these elements of mythology. And I want to show people how to use that to really, really powerful effect in their lives. So, yeah, that's coming back to. You've got to be executing against the things that you learn. And so when you really step back and look at my life, my life really is me, me doing all the things that I tell other people to do. Like I read in a book something that so profoundly impacted me that I knew I had to act against it at all times. Like, meaning execute against it at all times. And so literally so many of the steps that I'm taking, whether it be as a personal development thing or even the trajectory of this company, has to do with enacting the things that I read. So always be reading, always be executing like those are the things you should be doing on a daily basis.

[Cindy]

Two building blocks. All right, so this one comes from Brian Kim on Facebook. What's your advice on communicating with your business partner? Everything's good. Just. Yeah, everything's good. Just that we often have different opinions on product line. What can I do to be more vocal about my opinions without disrespecting my partner's ideas?

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah, man. So this is like partnerships in business are like marriages. And so one thing people really, really, really, really have to understand is there's no one path to heaven. So there are, I'm sure, a lot of different things that would work to move you guys forward. And you have to get really good at removing your ego from it, being your idea that gets selected. And you want to be focused on understanding what your goal is. Right. So having very clear goals is like my mantra. Like, you've got to know what you're trying to accomplish and then work your way backwards from that. And being able to identify which of your guys ideas is more likely to push you towards that. And then there's the yin and yang of being in a relationship of understanding that sometimes they have to win, sometimes you have to win just to, if nothing else, to try your idea and see if it works. And a lot of times it's hard to tell which idea is going to move you forward. And you guys probably need to just come up with some sort of stated thing that you talk about. That's that balancing act. And even if it's as simple as when in doubt and you really aren't sure which is going to move you towards your goals, that you go back and forth. Last time we went with your idea, this time we're going to go with my idea, but really making sure that you guys have those conversations and that you come up with rules of engagement and actually defining your rules of engagement, stating them, writing them down is super, super helpful. And writing down your value system because your value system is maybe the ultimate filter. And at quest, the first thing you would see when you walked in were the 25 bullet points of the quest belief system. So doing things like that so that people can really internalize like what that system is so that you know, you know what idea to go with when those are all really, really critical. But like in a relationship, communicate, baby, you got to communicate. Got to define terms. Got to define rules of engagement.

[Cindy]

That's smart. That makes a lot of sense. So this one comes from Chris on Facebook. Have you continued to practice mental Jiu Jitsu? If so, could you teach us or put into a video sometime some of the specific moves that you use?

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah, so most of the mental Jiu jitsu that I play is on myself. It's, it's. For instance, if something really upsets you, learning how to ride that wave without becoming a servant to it is really important. Understanding how to master your emotions is super critical. And yeah, I would be very happy to break that stuff down and put it into maybe a more consumable, more shareable form.

[Audience Member / Question Asker]

A new question from Lushamavi319. What is your microbe methaner routines? A breakout of fear or a hesitation pattern? Example Mel's 5 second rule for jumping diabetes jump starting a day or having gym clothes staring at you in the morning.

[Tom Bilyeu]

So Mel's five second rule may be just far, far superior for a beginner than anything that I do. So in doing what we're doing now at Impact Theory and doing the show, I'm realizing that, man, I wish I had encountered some of these people so much earlier in my journey because I could have learned things a lot more easily than I did. The one that just makes me want to bite my own eyes out is Carol Dweck. When we finally had her on the show, I was just, I mean stoked because it exists and it's out in the world and her book is so amazing. But God, if I had read that book back when I was like 21, I could have saved myself. I would be so much farther ahead now I just can't begin to tell you how much farther ahead I would be in my life. I can't focus on that because. But just super, super powerful. The same with grit. If that come along a lot earlier and Maybe Mel's thing would have helped me a lot because there was a time before Lisa and I got married, but we were living in London, and I just really, really struggled to get out of bed. And, yeah, it was a super weird time in my life, and I wasn't. I just. And the weird thing is it would be untrue to say I wasn't motivated. Like, I was motivated, but I didn't.

[Cindy]

Yeah, there's just something that, like, keeps you there.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah. I wasn't able to throw myself out of bed, so maybe. Maybe Mel's 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 would have really helped me. What I have. And my strategy has always been identity, identity, identity, identity. Who do you want to be? And how would that idealized version of yourself act? And then act in accordance with that so you can tell yourself the story that you are that person. And that's so intoxicating to me to say, like, I am the person that does this. Like, every time we get onto this topic, I see the Michael Jordan flu game, and I see myself as I'm. I'm fucking Michael Jordan with the flu. And I will play through it and I will put on an amazing performance. And because I so aspire to. To that when I get sick, I show up because I want to tell myself that story. So if when I got sick, I, like, was like, guys, stay home, don't come. Like, I'm not doing anything, I would look at that with shame. Right. And that's another reason, like, impact theory is all about we're ultimately going to be creating, not only creating modern mythology that I think is going to be really empowering for people, but creating artifacts that you can have that you can surround yourself with that reinforce that identity in you. Um, because when I see that, it reminds me of who I'm trying to become.

[Cindy]

Yeah, that's super awesome.

[Tom Bilyeu]

That's my strategy.

[Cindy]

Yeah. Jordan flew is, like, super legit.

[Tom Bilyeu]

So legit.

[Cindy]

All right, so this one comes from Jay on Facebook. Hey, Tom. So I'm currently in a job that's convenient for my family lifestyle, which I respect and I enjoy. This week, my boss has dropped a bombshell, and I have a meeting in a few hours where our conversation is going to be a about my future as the. At the company. Since it's going to restructure. I'm not ready to leave the matrix just yet. I need to keep this job to pay the bills while I work out what I'm going to do next. And I still feel like I have something to offer the company. What can I do now?

[Tom Bilyeu]

All right, man. This is amazing. I love this question. All right, so here is the reality. So. So if you really want to stay there, then you've got to make them believe that that is the best thing for them. And you've got to lay out exactly the value that you're going to be bringing to the company and why that company is going to do better, be more with you than it will be without you. And here's the really fucking hard news. If you fail to do that, that's on you, not them. We all letting that sink in, okay? Everything's your fault. So if you haven't made them a believer in your performance up till now, that's on you. Which is awesome because it means that you're in control. And if you can't convince them in the room, fantastic. That's on you. That's amazing. You're still in control. And because you're in control, if you feel that you are lacking skills, skills of persuasion, skills of performance, whatever it is, you can now go develop those. Now, I'm a huge believer in change. And I think no matter what happens, if they fire you, if it's horrible, if it's heartbreaking, that you can leverage that to go kick ass. And make no mistake, the reason that that will feel so shitty is that you've got to be pushed, man. You've got to be fired out of a camp canon to go do something, but you've got to leverage that. You've got to leverage their lack of belief in you or your lack of performance. If you really look at yourself and say, I didn't perform the way that I should have, you need to leverage that to have the energy to get your ass the fuck out of the Matrix. To realize it is all about skill acquisition, plain and simple. That you can acquire any skill that you want. And it's about grit and determination over a long period of time. And you need to set your sights on something and say, I am going to take care of my family and I am going to find a way to pay this mortgage. I am not going to miss a beat. I am not going to let my emotions slow me down. And that has been something that's worked for me because of what my identity demands of myself. Like, I don't miss a fucking beat when something bad happens. Like, I don't have time for that shit. And you guys have been there enough when some serious shit is shaking down. You've seen how I fucking deal with that. And let me tell you man, my eyes are forward. I am only thinking about what's to come. I am only thinking about what I have to do. I am only thinking about who I am and who I'm trying to become. And that is fucking it. I do not waste a second of my time pissing and moaning about what went wrong. I don't beat myself up over not having performed. I am only focused on moving forward. That is it. And you can't let negativity into your, like, sense of self. You cannot do that shit. And that's something I need people to understand. When I say that I'm motivated by rage and beauty. I'm not saying rage towards myself. I'm not saying I'm beating myself up. I do not let anything fuck with my sense of self or my confidence. So somebody could kick me in the teeth, tell me I'm a total fucking retard, that I have underperformed. I'm just a bad person. I'm shitty with whatever, dude. I'm coming hard. Like, I'm moving forward. I believe in myself. I know that I can do, like. And focus on execution. That's it. I'm just focused on execution. So if today does not go the way that you think you want it to, you immediately have to say, this is awesome. How is this the best thing that's ever happened to me? Ah. Because now it's going to force me out of the Matrix. Fantastic. I needed to get out for a long time.

[Cindy]

Time.

[Tom Bilyeu]

I am now out. It's all about execution. I'm going to learn about interviewing. Right. Because you're going to have to crush it to get your next job. I'm going to research, like, what's a killer resume? Like, what do I have to do to go in and just blow people away? And you'll get so good at that so fast because you have that terrifying specter of, I'm not going to let my family down. And that's what I'm talking about, the negativity. Like, let that shit fuel you to go out and do something amazing. But you've got to. You've got to let that fucking energy and that fear becomes something usable.

[Cindy]

Absolutely.

[Tom Bilyeu]

I could keep going for, like, 30 minutes on that. Yes. Jared, my man. Agent Smith pulling us out of the Matrix. So because we know that audiences turn over rapidly. What's up, everybody? Welcome to our Facebook Live and our Instagram Live. We are answering your questions. We want to know what you guys want to know. We're going to answer them. We were just. I was fucking In a zone on that one because we had an impactivist. Yeah, yeah, right. I hate the word like fan. That's nasty. So we had an impactivist who's going through something hard right now. They may be losing their job today, and we're reminding them that you control your own life. You control your own destiny, nobody else. So if you get fired, you got to own it. And then you got to be focused on executing execution, getting better, figuring out what you need to do next, everything working backwards from your goals. All right, next goal. And we have a weekly show. Thank you, Agent Smith. This is a weekly show, so be sure to subscribe.

[Cindy]

Yeah, absolutely. All right. Okay.

[Audience Member / Question Asker]

Tom, how do you manage your. Your time schedule with work, show business, family?

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yep.

[Cindy]

So, Tom, how do you manage your schedule?

[Tom Bilyeu]

So here's what I want everybody to. I want you to obsessively repeat this to your yourself. I am drowning in time. I am drowning in time. So if you feel like you don't have a lot of time, it is because you are mismanaging your time. You are in control of your time. So what I do, first of all, I go to bed at 9pm like that shit is a religion. So that I'm not wasting time. Because I find at the end of your day, no matter when your day ends, at the end of your day, you are least productive. I promise you, it is the way fatigue works. And if you're not tired, then you shouldn't be going to bed. Bed. So you go to bed because you're tired. And as you fatigue, you're getting less and less effective at doing what you do. I have a rule. Monday through Friday, I fucking work. If I'm awake, I'm either working out or working, period. So from the moment I get out of bed, I head straight to the gym. We all know my morning routine. I won't beat it to death here. I do my morning routine, which I consider work because it's all about optimizing my performance for the day. I go through my list of the most important things to do. I move them all forward, forward. I make sure that the team is going, that we're doing all the things that we need to do, pushing the business forward, figuring out what are our objectives, all that stuff. Push, push, push. And then on the weekends, I make sure that I take downtime to recharge, that I take time to spend with my wife to reconnect. And. Yeah. And then beyond that, I probably work roughly eight hours a day on the weekends, which for me is like super fucking Light. And I make sure that I do things that are fun as shit. So. But then I also try to find things that I can learn. Like I can't remember if I actually wrote the article, what I've learned about business by playing first person shooters. I've shot thought about it so many

[Cindy]

times I've thought about it.

[Tom Bilyeu]

I feel like I have, but I'm not entirely sure. No, I haven't. Jared is assuring me I'm not really.

[Cindy]

Nope. He's been telling me about this article for a long time and it's still not here, but.

[Tom Bilyeu]

So I really enjoy video games, but I make the demand that I leverage that to also learn something. So, one, I play video games with my wife and my sister, which is amazing. So it's family quality time. And then on top of that, whenever I'm doing anything, I'm always trying to extract some knowledge about human behavior as to why do I like playing this. So I've learned a lot about gamification by playing video games. I use it to practice practicing. So, hey, I suck at sniper rifles, let's say. So how do I get good at that? It may seem silly, but it's funny how that stuff ends up applying to other things. So I'm trying to optimize everything that I do. I have to walk the dogs, for instance. So while I walk the dogs, I read. And I've learned to take audio notes so that while I'm walking them, my body may be physically doing something, but my mind is. So most of the books that you see me do, the reviews, not only did I read the book while walking the dogs, I probably wrote the vast majority of the book review while walking the dogs. So it's what I call transitional moments. You need to be optimizing your transitional moments if you're not taking Uber. Now, when I take an Uber, it's a mobile office. So yesterday I had a dinner meeting. And on the way to the dinner meeting, I'm working. So it's finding ways to reinvent all that, all those little moments out of your life. And here's the thing, you gotta love what you're doing on some level. If you hate your job, then think about leveling up, right? So at least find something within it. Skill acquisition, learning to have greater influence, facing your fears. Like find some way to connect with something that really excites you. And then you have pull through, right? You can't always just be going away from something. There has to be something pulling you through. Like most people, I think, spend their Lives just moving away from being broke and failing their family. Right. And that for sure, that's there and that, that's super powerful. But at the same time, what's pulling you? Like, what's that thing that's really exciting that you can get amped up about and looking into gamification and understanding that stuff and what does leveling up look like in real life? Those are all things like. And when I find employees that are like that, that is so cool to be around because they're intrinsically motivated and I love that. And that's why the people that moved with us from quest over to impact theory was all people that were self motivated, all people that had that intrin drive. So man, when you're around people like that, it's just dope because they're, they're not only moving away from, hey, I don't want to fail my family or embarrass myself in front of my parents or my loved ones or fail my kids or whatever, but there's something that they're excited about that pulls them through. So find that.

[Cindy]

Absolutely.

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[Cindy]

And so this next question comes from Anna on Facebook. So she's an actress and she also owns a theater company. So she's an entrepreneur. And I often find it hard to apply the hints that you give with our guests and stuff for through arts and acting. So how the art market works and the consumers. Art or education? Sorry. It's like scrolling through da da da.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Well, can I already call bullshit?

[Cindy]

Yeah. So it's like how does she apply it in the art space?

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah. So keep in mind that essentially half of impact theory is art. Right. We're playing in the game of mythology. We're playing in the game of fundamental sort of human drivers, which really is what art taps into. And here's what people have to understand about art. There's two types of art. Type one is masturbation. Type two is making love. And in masturbation, you don't have to think about anybody else. Do whatever the hell you want, but I promise you, it's an audience of one. So when you get into making love, the difference is you're thinking about the other person. And in the game of art, whether it's theater, whether it's tv, whether it's filmmaking, you've got to be thinking about creating a. An experience for your audience. And you've got to be thinking about, what do I need to do? Change. Learn about my theater, about the business of running the theater, about the business of dealing with actors and directors and prop masters and getting the best out of them in order to achieve the result that I want, which presumably is to get large audiences to come and be touched and moved and changed, hopefully in some way by your artistic expression. But when it's making love, like, you have to be thinking about the audience. You have to think about what is exciting for them, moves them. So it is a business. And to me, any business is making love. And you cannot afford masturbation and any of that. You cannot afford to just be thinking about what you find interesting. You've got to be thinking about them. So I think everything that I say applies to that. And the irony for me is I know other people look at us and say, you guys are incubating companies and content like, they couldn't be more different. They are exactly the same. They are exactly the same. And that's why I have just as much success getting business people excited about what we're doing as I have content creators getting excited about what we're doing. And while I can't tell you exactly who we've been meeting with, I will tell you this. It is one of the largest content creation studios on the fucking planet. And we're talking to them about how we might be able to help them and explain to them our whole take on mythology and all of that, which has gotten them very excited about what some possibilities are. And whether I'm in that meeting or I'm in a meeting with the medical device company that we're working with. Yeah, it's all the same. It's about understanding the audience and getting them to take action and be changed by what you do. So there are definitely differences of. The nitty gritty execution of a medical device company has different concerns than a theater. But at the end of the day, you're dealing with people, and your customers are people. And understanding those people, what drives them, what motivates them, that's what getting business savvy is. Maybe the only thing that's sort of outside that realm is finance, because there are just realities to be faced of understand cash flow and understanding a P and L and all that stuff. For sure, for sure. And it is a bit of a different world, but even that is the same. It's just. Yeah, 100% cash flow is cash flow, no matter whether you're manufacturing or you're a studio or a theater. So, yeah, find ways.

[Audience Member / Question Asker]

Congrats to Mike Gordon. He won a book off of Tom's reading list.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Nice, Nice, nice, nice. Mike Gordon. Congratulations, man. May it change your life the way that it's change me. And may you take as much action as I force myself to take.

[Cindy]

Sweet. All right, so this next one is from John. So, Tom, are there certain things that you do before bed to get yourself to make sure that you have a good night's sleep?

[Tom Bilyeu]

No.

[Cindy]

Nope. That's easy.

[Tom Bilyeu]

I close my eyes. I'm so tired by the end of the day. Like, it's like if you're running a race, if in the last half mile you have energy to spare, you just haven't worked hard enough, that thems is the truth. So I guess that's a little bit of a lie. The one thing I do, I stop drinking any liquid about. What is it, about four hours before I go to bed? Yeah, about four hours before I go to bed because otherwise I wake up in the middle of the night to pee, and I can't fall back asleep because my mind starts racing.

[Cindy]

Got it.

[Tom Bilyeu]

But that's it.

[Cindy]

That's so interesting.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Water management.

[Cindy]

Yeah. So next questions. Next questions. So, Tom, can you talk a little bit more about the dark side from the Tim Grover interview?

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah.

[Cindy]

Oh, and this one comes from David.

[Tom Bilyeu]

What's up, David? So I love Tim. Like, have you guys read Relentless? Like, that book is like, do you guys remember the ice bath challenge? The als? I did one. That's. That's his book. Like, it is a slap in the face. It is. He reaches through the pages, grabs you by the throat, and says, you're not working hard enough. Simple as. You want to know why you're not? Great. Because you don't work hard enough, period. You don't want it badly enough, and, hey, fine, so be it. I don't. I don't even think Tim cares, like, whether you want it or not. Like, but the people that he's seen that accomplish, the Michael Jordans, the Kobe Bryant's, the Dwyane Wade's, like, the people that he's worked with that are going to be remembered, that are going to be hall of Fame or already are hall of Fame players. Like, those guys, they just want it more than you. And they work way more than you. They work way more than the other uber elite athletes in their field. They just work and work. Kobe Bryant used to work like seven hours before practice began. Think about that for a second. Before practice began, he was working seven hours. That's crazy. So, and, and I say crazy as in that's crazy inspiring to me. Like, that is amazing. But, and I love that. Don't you guys love that? Like, don't you want that to be true? Don't you want. The only thing standing between you and Kobe Bryant is that he works harder than you because it's the one thing that you can control, right? I can't control my height. My height is what my height is. Although you have to know something about me in my head right now, I'm saying I could figure it out if I really wanted to. Right. But I think that's how you have to think.

[Cindy]

Yeah.

[Tom Bilyeu]

I choose not to put the effort into figuring out my height. That seems like it would be a lifelong endeavor. So rather than spend my time and energy there, I spend my time and energy on other things. Practice, practice, practice. But God, I just, I really want people to want me to be right about that because it's so empowering. If really what stands between you and the greats is a lot of hard work, that's a amazing. Cause you can control it. So yeah, get on that grind.

[Cindy]

Doesn't. Then I also go back to mastery. It's like you find that thing and you just keep practicing at it and getting better and getting better.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Can we go down that path for a second?

[Cindy]

Absolutely.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Now what happens when you get really good? Because people in the NBA, people in the NFL, they're really good. They've got mastery. So now what? Now how do you become Terrell Owens? How do you become Michael Jordan? How do you become one of the greatest of all time?

[Cindy]

I mean, can't speak for all of them, but I feel like.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Channel your inner Tim Grover.

[Cindy]

It's like finding. It's also finding like new and creative ways and like different pieces that make you curious about it.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Now can I give you what Tim would say?

[Cindy]

Yeah.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Tap into the dark side.

[Cindy]

Okay.

[Tom Bilyeu]

And I think he's right. I think there you've got to find that. Like, why put yourself through that? Why? The people, people that, that are hell bent to become one of the greatest of all time. There. There is a darkness. There is what. What we used to call the sickness. Batman, right? What drives Batman, having watched his parents die in front of him. And look, I get it. It's just a story, but can you imagine how that would drive you to feel like you let that happen? And to have such a. Like when Wookie was. Went missing, okay, My wife and I have decided not to have kids. And so in some ways, I get it to a much lesser degree, but in some ways, our dogs are like our kids. So when Wookie went missing, my wife looked at me with those eyes that said, look, I have chosen not to have a child. This is my child. And that's why I was like, I just grabbed her and I said, we will find that dog. Like, I'm going to find that dog. And we went hard for that cake, all right? And we found the dog. Now, that was the sickness. I. There was no way that I was going to fail. There just was no way. I was not going to allow that to happen. And that was terror and anger and, you know, just having. Feeling so moronic that I had let it happen, that there was just no way that I could yield or relent or stop or give in. And so at that moment, like, fatigue didn't matter, right? Like, nothing. Money didn't matter, Fatigue didn't matter. Like, I was going to make happen the things that had to happen in order to get my daughter back. And that, to me, when sustained over a long period of time, like, when you can hold on to something like that so that it's not just the beauty. Like, it would be amazing to win a championship, but that's not enough. Like, what are you trying to prove? Like, you've got to have something driving you so much that you play through the flu, right? Like that. That's why most people don't do it, because they just. They aren't able to leverage the dark and the light. And that to me is, you know, Tim. Tim Grover's message is, don't let it control you. Don't let it destroy you. Don't let it strip you down. It can't be. It can't infiltrate you. It cannot become your personality. But you've got to learn to leverage it. You've got to learn to use the light and the dark. And, dude, I am such a believer in that. But I really need to make sure that people hear me when I say it can. Cannot become your personality. It cannot take over. You cannot be a servant to that. You must leverage it, because then You're Darth Vader. It's exactly right. Then you turn into a person otherwise 100%.

[Cindy]

Because, like, I'm sitting here trying to think about it, and I'm just like, no, no, no, you can't. You have to, like, leverage negative emotions for sure, but you can't let them eat you alive.

[Tom Bilyeu]

But here's it. Now let's really get crazy. You can't become a servant to the left light either.

[Cindy]

Yeah.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Oh, what do we do with that? Because I know everybody at home is like, what the.

[Cindy]

No, of course you can't.

[Tom Bilyeu]

You can't.

[Cindy]

No, you can't. Absolutely not. Because, like, you know, you have to feel the entire spectrum of human emotion.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yes.

[Cindy]

In order to be, like a fully complete.

[Tom Bilyeu]

I agree. I am, I am. I'm not a Buddhist. I don't aspire to be a Buddhist. I'm not trying to detach from life. I want to ride this roller. Roller coaster.

[Cindy]

Yeah, for sure.

[Audience Member / Question Asker]

It's a question for C. Yeah, buddy.

[Cindy]

Good question. I did. I wasn't yet. So, like, I feel like that has to start with what drew me to Quest. Nice in and of itself is that I made a promise to myself in terms of like, anywhere that I was going to work, it'd be somewhere where I believe in the company and the mission and. And like, I'm also the person who kind of comes into any environment and I'm like, very sensitive to environments and like, people, I guess. And so coming into Quest, I like, saw so many people, like, happy to like, be around each other and together. And even before then, I'd like, read through the 25 bullet points and like, seen like, the videos about why you guys started the company. And I just thought it was really great. And I just come from, like, Lulu, Lululemon, which is like, also a company that's very much about their people. So they're a very people first company. And I was like, Quest is also a very people first company. But here I'll be doing the, like, I guess like 5% of my job at Lulu was like, doing our social media and like running community activations and planning events and like doing all these little things. And I love that part so much more than, like, just the retail aspect. And so I found in Quest a place where I could do that 5% that really drove me to make it 100% of my job. And then from there it's also that Quest is such a place where you have the opportunity to follow your curiosities. So that's how I found InsideQuest and InsideQuest became like my baby. And it was like the only thing that I really gave a shit about. Sorry. Not sorry. So I also had like other projects for Quest Nutrition and like I would do that like, great. I would get them done to make sure that I could do all the things that I wanted to do with InsideQuest and continue to grow it. And like I would meet with Tom like every week and like I had no fucking idea what I was doing because I was like, ah. But you know, it was like a lot of like trying and failing and at the same time it's like I never felt like it was like, well, you suck. Get the fuck out of here. It was enough room to like grow and like keep pushing forward. And so obviously there was no, no other choice to me to continue to grow. And so I feel like Impact Theory is just like everything that I love about media and content and social and community and mythology. I majored in creative writing, so I love storytelling and so everything fits. Yeah.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Nice. I love it.

[Cindy]

That's it. All right, well we're getting the wrap up sign.

[Tom Bilyeu]

That's it. Yeah. So guys, thank you so much for joining us for another episode of Facebook and IG Live. We really appreciate your guys questions and engagement. This community is what we are all about and that was a perfect answer to end on from Cindy. We love this community and hopefully everybody is beginning to understand why we're building this community and what we're trying to do. So yeah, guys, thank you so much for engaging and for helping each other. That is the thing that, that intoxicates all of us. So thank you guys so much. And by the way, when you share comments, whether it's on IG, Facebook, YouTube, like we share those internally, we talk about those. We have a section in Slack where we share this stuff. It's incredibly meaningful to hear about your challenges and all of that and I hope that you guys will learn to appreciate my very blunt delivery. I do not take it for granted when you put yourself out there and you're very vulnerable and you ask a question. My answers are always designed to be the truth. The thing that is going to move you forward and actually help you. And sometimes it can be hard to hear. But know that we are very, very grateful for the engagement and we wish you guys nothing but power and awesome execution. So we will speak to you soon, my friends, and until next time, be legendary. Take care.

[Cindy]

Bye.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Hey everybody, thanks so much for joining us. If this content is adding value to your life, our one ask is that you go to itunes and stitcher and rate and review, review. Not only does that help us build this community, which at the end of the day, is all we care about, but it also helps us get even more amazing guests on here to share their knowledge with all of us. Thank you guys so much for being a part of this community. And until next time, be legendary, my friends.