← Tom Bilyeu's Impact Theory
Tom Bilyeu's Impact Theory
Kobe & Jordan’s Trainer Tim Grover on the Dark Side of Winning and What It Really Takes to Be Great (Fan Fav)
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- [00:00]
Grainger Announcer
If you work in university maintenance, Grainger considers you an MVP because your playbook ensures your arena is always ready for tip off. And Grainger is your trusted partner, offering the products you need, all in one place, from H VAC and plumbing supplies to lighting and more. And all delivered with plenty of time left on the clock, so your team always gets the win. Call 1-800-GRAINGER visit grainger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done. If you work in university maintenance, Grainger considers you an MVP because your playbook ensures your arena is always ready for tip off. And Grainger is your trusted partner, offering the products you need, all in one place, from H VAC and plumbing supplies to lighting and more. And all delivered with plenty of time left on the clock, so your team always gets the win. Call 1-800-GRAINGER visit grainger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done.
- [01:00]
Tim Grover
To me, anger is a reaction to what somebody else said to you. It creates an emotion. All right, the dark side turns your anger into controlled rage. Now you're in control. Now, how long can you stay in control? That's the difference. Are you going to burn out right away? All of a sudden you just let out all this rage, or do you know how to control it and place it in the right places, not only to win the battle, but to win that war? And we literally have a war going on every single moment. It may not be out in here, but there's a war that goes on in here all the time with ourselves all the time. And you can't win that war with only light. You can't.
- [02:11]
Tom Bilyeu
Hey, everybody. Welcome to another episode of Impact Theory. I am here today with somebody who is truly iconic. He is not a trainer. He is the trainer. The one and only Tim Grover. Tim, welcome to the show, man.
- [02:26]
Tim Grover
Tom, it's an honor to be back.
- [02:28]
Tom Bilyeu
Dude. I am so excited to be sitting down with you again. I am obsessed with you, your mindset, your books, and the new book, the Unforgiving Race to Greatness. I was blown away. I have the chills. Literally. Just saying the title of your book gave me chills. It's fantastic. I think we have to define for people because you give a pretty interesting take on what winning is. What is winning?
- [03:00]
Tim Grover
Winning is not about the trophy and the accolades. It's about the grind. It's about the obstacles. It's about the challenges. It's about the pain that you endure along the way. For that 30 seconds of being able to either Stand on a platform, be acknowledged by individuals that are close to you. But when that happens, your mind has to immediately shift back. Because now you felt and tasted something that you could only get through winning. Are you willing to do it again
- [03:49]
Tom Bilyeu
over and over and over? You've trained some of the, the greatest of the greats, Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, Charles Barkley, Dwyane Wade. I mean, just the hall of Fame is chock a block, as my wife would say, with people that you have trained. So you know something about winning, you know something about sustained winning over time. But why do you call it the unforgiving race to greatness?
- [04:18]
Tim Grover
Well, it's interesting that you said that. I know about winning. The reason I know so much about winning is because I've had to deal with so much losing.
- [04:27]
Tom Bilyeu
That's interesting. What do you mean by that?
- [04:29]
Tim Grover
Everybody wants to win, but in order to know how to win, you got to know how to lose. Because you're going to lose more than you're going to win. But every time you lose, what do you gain from it? So every time I've lost, people say, you got to jump right back up, you know, get back right on your feet again. And I disagree with that. After you lose or when you get knocked down, stay down there for a minute. Understand why you lost. What were the reasons? Why are you down here? Why did you lose? Why did you get knocked down? Because if you just jump right back up, you're going to lose again and again and you continue going to lose the same way. So every time I lost, I stayed down for a second. Minutes, hours, days, weeks. But when I stood up, I was different, I was smarter. And when I lost again, I stayed down. I stood back up, I was stronger. When I lost again, I stayed down. How did I stand up again? I was more confident, lost again, stood up, I was more resilient. Now you start putting the pieces that are necessary to win over and over and over again. So if you lose and you jump right back up and you haven't really changed, I mean really, really changed from that loss, you're never going to learn from it. And you're never going to really, truly know the unforgiving race to greatness. Because that's part of the unforgiving. Part is the losing part. That part is unforgiving.
- [06:32]
Tom Bilyeu
I've heard you say, it's so funny how often you give me the chills. I heard you say that. You know, people will tell you, hey, you just lost. You need to look in the mirror and you'll See, the reason that you lost and you said that's not true. It's what you don't see in the mirror is why you lost. Ah, I have the shells again. What. What does that mean? What. What is it? What is it that people don't see?
- [06:54]
Tim Grover
It's what's really inside of them. So what they're seeing when they look in the mirror, they're just trying to see what's on the surface. But winning and losing wants to know what's inside of you. It wants to know what makes you tick. It wants to know what your desires are. It wants to know what your ego is. It wants to know what your limitations are. It wants to know what your mindset is. It wants to know everything about you. Because winning does not lie when you look in the mirror. You can lie and see what's on the surface, cannot lie what's going on inside. And that's what people are not willing to see. The lies that are truly going on inside of them that are not allowing them to win over and over, sometimes even win once. You have to look. Winning requires you to go so far deep inside yourself. It's way beyond the surface. It's way beyond internal. It's going to a place that a lot of people haven't visited in a long, long time because they're afraid to visit that person. Because when they visit that person, they don't know who that person is anymore.
- [08:10]
Tom Bilyeu
Does this have to do with not wanting to recognize your weaknesses?
- [08:16]
Tim Grover
It's not wanting to not only recognize your weaknesses, it's not wanting to acknowledge them, not to work on them, not to face them, and also what you have to do to change them. People will point out your weaknesses, but there's a big difference between your weaknesses and your flaws. Your flaws are your gifts. And people are so busy trying to deal with their flaws and change their flaws when their flaws are actually allows them to stay in that race.
- [08:48]
Tom Bilyeu
Can you give me some specifics on that? Like give, use yourself. Use mj, Kobe. What were the flaws that they had that were actually unique gifts?
- [09:01]
Tim Grover
If anybody got a chance to watch the last dance, Michael said, I have a competitive problem. I have a competition problem. Everything is a competition. Well, for most people, they'd be like, that's his flaw. He's always got to complete. He's always so intense. He's always wound up. Everybody tells him, unwind. You can't tell individuals like yourself, like me, to unwind. That's when we're the most uncomfortable, when we decide to unwind is because we want to unwind, not because somebody else tells us to unwind. So when you look at that, when people always say, oh, listen, you're too focused, you should relax, right? You work too much. You're obsessed. With Kobe, it was always an obsession. You're obsessed. Those are flaws. But those flaws allow you to win over and over and over again. Initially, those may have been weaknesses, but when the individual recognized, you know what? These really aren't my weaknesses. These are the things that allow me to be different. It's what allows me to be unique. Because winning wants you to be different. Winning requires you to do different things. Winning requires you to think in a different way. Winning speaks its own language. Winning has its own way of recognizing you. It's not what this. It's not the same. So winning requires you to be different. But being different scares a lot of people, which people think is a weakness. But once you recognize that difference is one of your greatest flaws, that you have the ability to stand out now, you start to actually see what winning's about, right?
- [10:58]
Tom Bilyeu
Then talk to me about weakness. One of the things that I found so extraordinary about your story and how you got started with Michael Jordan is that you wrote to every player on the Chicago Bulls except Michael Jordan, saying, hey, I can train. But only Michael reached back out. Like that, to me, is such a signal to what greatness is. Why, when he was already on the path to being one of the greatest players in the NBA, why do you think it was him that reached out?
- [11:27]
Tim Grover
Well, you just brought up the weakness point. He recognized he had a weakness, not a flaw. He had a weakness. And he said, I must figure out how to make this weakness my strength. Now, what a lot of individuals do is they'll take their weakness and make it into their strengths, but they stop working on their strengths, and they don't advance all of those things. That's a very key component there. Recognize your weakness. Recognize what you're not good at, what you're not talented at. Do you have the ability to raise that level? And there are some things you. Most people just don't. A lot of the weaknesses you can make, you can work on, but there's some weaknesses that are just your weaknesses. Now, how do you work with those things? You find individuals around you who have your weakness is their strength. And now they can carry you or carry the team, carry the staff, whatever you need in order to still get that win. And we're so worried about hiding our weaknesses and denying the weaknesses from ourselves and from other Individuals and a lot of people won't identify because they get very emotional. When you talk about an individual's weakness and you tell them there becomes a lot of emotion. First time they do is that's not my weakness. How dare you say that? They get very defensive. They get very, very defensive. And everybody wants, everyone says in any relationship, whether in business, personal, everybody wants the truth. They'll say, please be honest with me. Well, your weakness. When you tell somebody about their weakness and you're being honest with them, they think you're attacking them. And the reason most people feel like you're attacking them is because the individual that's identifying your weakness has the same weakness as you do. And they don't deal with it, but they want you to deal with it because they're hoping if you deal with it, you can help them. And the best way to turn a weakness into a strength is very simple. Find individuals who your weakness is their strength and find out what they did or how you can associate with that individual.
- [14:08]
Tom Bilyeu
When you manage procurement for multiple facilities, every order matters. But when it's for a hospital system,
- [14:14]
Grainger Announcer
they matter even more.
- [14:15]
Tom Bilyeu
Grainger gets it and knows there's no time for managing multiple suppliers and no
- [14:20]
Tim Grover
room for shipping delays.
- [14:21]
Tom Bilyeu
That's why Grainger offers millions of products in fast, dependable delivery. So you can keep your facility stocked,
- [14:28]
Tim Grover
safe and running smoothly.
- [14:30]
Tom Bilyeu
Call 1-800-GRAINGER Click grainger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done. One thing that I've always been blown away by with your strategy is that it's very process driven. It really is. Like when I think about your definition of winning, the whole idea of being relentless, of getting a result no matter what, which is precisely what I find so intoxicating about you, your ideas, your books, is you would count. So you're tasked with I need to help Michael Jordan or Kobe or whoever do their thing better. You would count steps that they took, whether they jump more off their left leg or their right leg. After having sat in the stadium during the game, you would then go home and watch the game again to do all this counting so that you could then put a regime together for the next day. Like the thought of you doing this game after game is crazy. So that you could tailor the next day's workout to really balance them out. So if they'd overemphasize the left side, we're going to train the right side more. But that's such a like that to me. When people really understand how obsessive you have to be to do that night after night, week after week, month after month, like season after season. That really defines what it takes to be so good at what you do that you get the results. Talk to me about that idea of process and just getting sort of that good at what you do.
- [16:00]
Tim Grover
Well, to me, you know, everyone talks about the process. You know, they say you gotta love the process. You gotta love the process. I agree with that. But I also kind of disagree with that because to me, you have to do the process. The process is non negotiable. It's just, you have to do it. All right? So if you have to do something, I don't have highs about it or lows about it. I know it has to get done. And if I let my emotions get involved in it, all right, it's not going to get done to its best abilities. So if people say you got to love the process, and then something comes in the process that you don't really love, because there's no way everybody loves 100% of any process. Look at this beautiful setup that we have here that we're looking at. To set all this up is a very tedious process and how meticulous it has to be. And nobody's here whistling and saying, oh, this is wonderful to do. Let me see how all the lights are. But you have to do it. You have to do it. You take the emotions out of it and you do it. The process is a non negotiable thing. The end result is not always there. That win isn't always there. You can go through the whole process and. And somebody went through, didn't be as meticulous as you, and they may get that win because winning has no loyalty to any of us. You know, people that don't work as hard, they end up getting that win. People that aren't as qualified for the job, they end up getting that. They end up getting that win. Do you stop the process? No, you continue to get more maniacal with the process over and over, over and over again. And part of the process that's so important I talk about this in the winning thing is there's so much information that's out there. When individuals start to do the process, they get in this mind frame of what to think, what to think, what to think that somebody else is saying, this is how the process is supposed to be done. These are the steps that you have to take in each process. And they lose your ability on how to think. No one told me to count Michael's steps No one told me to say, hey, when he's working out, only do 8 reps on this side and do 2 reps on this side. There was no books out there. I mean, this was way before Fitbit and all that other stuff. But I needed to know in order to effectively do the process correctly, if I'm going to go through it, I might as well do it the best of my ability and do it right. So I'm going to go through these steps. These are necessary in order for my client and for myself to know I'm going through the process the way it should be gone through, the way I want it to go through, so I can get that end result. The process is non negotiable. It's just like, you have to do it. I don't care what you do, what you do. A lot of routines in the morning that people go through, It's a process. It's a process to get you either closer to winning or farther.
- [19:27]
Tom Bilyeu
In the book, you personify winning that you'll make little comments about. You know, oh, you were describing a workout one time and you were telling the reader, if it doesn't sound hard, why don't you go ahead and try it? And I think you'll hear winning chuckling over, you know, in the background at how painful this is. And there were a number, in fact, you just said, winning isn't loyal to any of us. And this idea, like, there's a few ideas I want to, I want to tease apart because they're what make this book so magical. So there's the idea of winning. Winning is, is an entity that you can think of as personified, that is fickle, that has no loyalty, but yet is extraordinarily powerful. And when you meet together and are able to pull out the wind, there's. There's nothing like it, right? That greatness is table stakes for winning. It is, it is just. It has to be like there's no option, there's no way around it. You can fight it, you can think it unfair, you can do whatever you want, but that's what has to happen for you to meet winning and for that moment to have that victory. And that idea of being an unforgiving race, that greatness doesn't care, that greatness isn't loyal, that greatness has these huge demands of people and that to win there is an element of obsession that some people will say, in fact, I'll ask the question this way. Given how fickle a mistress winning is, is it mental illness to pursue It.
- [21:07]
Tim Grover
I think it's mental illness not to pursue it. Go on. Right. I think that the illness is. What is an illness? An illness doesn't make you feel well. It's taking away your health, it's taking away your livelihood. It's taking. It's taking your ability to see things that are right there. All right? So winning, not to pursue your win. And people have to understand this about winning. We win every single day. There wins out there all the time. Our ability to see those wins, to process those wins, to understand them. All right? That's what makes the mind sharp. That's what keeps you focused. That's what keeps you alive. The illness is not to pursue something every day that gives you a feeling like nothing else can. And this is. This isn't about financial security. This isn't about monetary success. This isn't. This isn't about having shiny things. Winning is in so many different forms. Raising your kids, being able to get your message out to individuals. Those are winning. Being able to be a teacher and never leave any student behind. Those are wins. So the illness is not to be obsessed with those things. The illness is not to be focused. The illness is not to want something better for yourself. The illness is not to want something better for the individuals around you. The illness is not to be the best person that you can be every single day. The illness is not to pursue what's so special to you.
- [23:37]
Tom Bilyeu
There's this idea I think about that I call the physics of being human. So there are just certain things that are true about the human mind. So the human mind will reward certain things and punish other things. And part of the reason that I think your work is so important is you're one of the few people that seem to be truly aligned with the truth of the human experience. And by that, I mean to put these two ideas together that I think the human mind rewards everybody. Everybody, without exception. You will be subconsciously rewarded through neurochemistry for the pursuit of improvement, to get great, to take your potential and turn it to actual, usable skill set. So to your point, whether you're a teacher or whether you're an athlete, it doesn't matter. There's a subconscious routine running in the human brain that compels you, through reward and punishment, to take potential and make it manifest into something real that you can do something with. And if you fail to do that, through whatever argument you give yourself, you will be subconsciously punished through neurochemistry. You'll feel emptiness. You'll feel a lack of purpose, a Lack of meaning. And when you talk about like, hey, there needs to be something in your life where you're pursuing that victory, you're pursuing the win, you're going after it with everything you have. Does that, does that line up with how you think about it?
- [25:01]
Tim Grover
Yes. The experience you get, the feeling that you get from winning, you can't even describe it. One of the things I think that keeps people from those things, from being able to get that mindset, from being able to get that neurochemical change in the brain and being able to feel that is confidence. And winning gives you that confidence. Every time you get that chemical change, you get that hit. From every little win that you get, your level of confidence goes up. Your level of confidence continues. It continues to rise with, gives you the ability to have more wins. And the crazy thing is when you look at it, for most individuals, especially for myself, confidence is one of. It's like the ultimate drug. It's like the ultimate drug. But you know who the dealer is. Winning is the dealer. Winning is the dealer. So if you keep getting those hits over and over and over again, that means you're winning. As small as it may be, you're winning gets you a little step closer to whatever you want. It gets you a little step closer to that mindset that we all have the ability to have. That's the crazy part. We all have. This isn't about playing basketball like Michael Jordan did, like late, great Kobe Bryant, Dwyane Wade. This is about having the mindset and being able to think and process information and do things and get that chemical hit that we all have the ability of every single day. And we try tricks, you know, so, you know, I'm a. Well, I shouldn't say tricks. You know, these things do work, but they don't work as well. All right, I'm going to take a cold shower. I'm going to jump in the ice tub. I'm going to do that. Everybody's looking for like something they only have to do for a quick two minutes. You know, if I go in there and I stand under this cold water and I bear, oh, man, this is. And they think, yeah, that's, that might be a small victory, but what's the ultimate goal towards the end of it? Are you just trying to shortchange that two minute thing for something that you don't really want to do? The whole process to get that hit that naturally can be converted over and over and over again every time you win?
- [27:57]
Tom Bilyeu
The way when I was reading your book, the idea that seemed self evident to me is that you can't opt out of playing the game. So life, the human experience, and I suppose the only way to truly opt out would be suicide. So let's set that aside. You can't opt out of it, so you're going to play. And so now it's just a question of if I'm right. That the human mind has a subconscious process that's running that rewards you for pursuing, getting better at something and punishes you for not having purpose, not pursuing anything. And you can't opt out of the game. Now you're either going to feel good or bad based on whether you pursue something. And when I introduce people to you, there's sort of two camps. There's people that read, you watch, you listen, you listen to, you see the things that you've done, the people that you've helped and they are transformed by it and it gives them the chills the way that it gives me the chills. And then there's other people that are like, ah, he focuses on the dark side. It's dark energy, like, oh, this is crazy. And honestly, there's an ache in my heart for people that discount that, that have not sort of looked in the mirror and embraced the reality of the human experience as far as I can tell, which is you will be subconsciously rewarded for going after this, leveraging every tool you have, including the dark side, which seems just so obviously real, even if it's just taking a cold shower.
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Tim Grover
It's what you said, every tool you have. And most people will not use every single tool they have.
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Tom Bilyeu
Why is that?
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Tim Grover
Because they're afraid. They don't know how to control it. They don't want to acknowledge it. They are afraid of being judged. They want to stand out, they want to be different, they want women to acknowledge them. But they have so much doubt of what greatness and the unforgiving race actually requires to win over and over again. We all have fear. We all have fear. But these individuals have so much doubt. Before we started this, you were talking about, oh, I was watching one of your past interviews. I was on TV and people, you were like, they were like, oh man, you come out on, you come here and you're never nervous. You've been doing this for so long and you have no fear. And you're like, no. Every time I come out here, I don't care. How many shows have you done now over the years? Hundreds, Hundreds. There's always a fear to sit in here, but you never have any doubt. What a cool way to say it. Never have any doubt of what the outcome is going to be. Those individuals that won't tap into everything that they have and there's a. So the dark side is just because of the way I phrase it, they think it's this evil and it's this bad thing. And it's not. It's not. Think about the times where everything was going wrong, nothing was going right. What kept you going? What kept you going when there was no friends around, there was no family, you were in that place. What kept you going? That was your dark energy. That was your dark side. And think about this. When does a new day start? At midnight? Is it light or dark out? Dark. So if you. If a new day starts in the dark, why. Why are you afraid to have use your dark side for your new beginnings? Whoa.
- [32:08]
Tom Bilyeu
Whoa.
- [32:12]
Tim Grover
It's not an evil thing. It's an evil thing if you don't recognize it. It's an evil thing if you allow it to become destructive. If it's an. It's an evil thing if you use it for excuses. But if you harness takes you to places that you. You couldn't even imagine. And every single winner in all folks in all forms of life, they may not talk about it, but they've all tapped into that energy. The light energy, the dark energy, the subconscious energy, the conscious energy. They use all. They use everything. They use everything. And in order to have winning, winning requires you to do and use everything. Because you don't know one day if winning, not even a day, you don't know from minute to minute if winning is going to wear a halo or it's going to meet you with fangs. And if you can't deal with the halo, you definitely can't deal with the fangs. You can't deal with the fangs, you can't deal with the halo. And they may require different energy. They may require different energy.
- [33:33]
Tom Bilyeu
Yeah, the. The thing that I'm obsessed with is getting people to understand that nature has given you tools. I won't say whether they're good or bad tools, but rage is a tool. Anger exists for a reason. Aggression exists for a reason. And there it feels different. And so I understand how the words sort of light energy, dark energy come to be. Star wars has always been such a cool take on that, where there's a seduction to the dark side, and there are moments of time where that's going to be the thing that you need in that moment to get you through. I try to spend 80% of my time in the light. And think of the beautiful things that I'm trying to create in the world. And that keeps me going until it doesn't. And then when it's dark and I'm scared and I'm broken and just exhausted, in those moments, it's thinking about the people that actively want me to fail. It's shifting over into an aggressive energy. It's shifting over into rage. And if you think about how you would react if somebody attacked the ones that you love, it wouldn't be with diplomacy. It would be with ferocity.
- [34:42]
Tim Grover
Yes.
- [34:43]
Tom Bilyeu
And to me, it's like acknowledging that millions of years of evolution have led to the moment where in a moment of crisis, what presents itself to you is aggression, is dominance, is rage, is attack. And if in those moments, people view that as a thing to not be touched, a tool not to be used, that to me is a mistake.
- [35:09]
Tim Grover
It's a huge mistake. People say you got to attack your goals, all right? But you gotta. You gotta control your feelings. They label us with all these different things that when it's to get what we want, it's always gotta be in a positive light. A positive light. A positive light. But when you have individuals like you said that trying to attack you that attack you personally, that attack your work ethic, that attack your success, that are trying to take away everything that you've worked so hard to get to get. Are you only going to use the light or are you going to use your aggression? Are you going to use your controlled rage? Are you going to use those things to protect you? And if you haven't acknowledged your dark side and you haven't tapped into it and realize what it is and acknowledge it, just like winning has no loyalty and winning doesn't know your name, it's going to say, hey, I don't know who you are. To me, anger is what is a reaction to what somebody else said to you. It creates an emotion, all right? The dark side turns your anger into controlled rage. Now you're in control. You're in control now. How long can you stay in control? That's the difference. Are you going to burn out right away? All of a sudden you just let out all this rage? Or do you know how to control it and place it in the right places, not only to win the battle, but to win that war? And we literally have a war going on every single moment. It may not be out in here, but there's a war that goes on in here all the time with ourselves, all the time, and you can't win that war with only light. You can't, man.
- [37:29]
Tom Bilyeu
I agree so ferociously that it's one of those things. Whenever I talk about it, people get super weird. There is a high level of discomfort that people have around that idea, but I think that it's so powerful that failing to use it is. Is sort of an acknowledgment of. Of sort of lowering what is possible.
- [37:51]
Tim Grover
Yes, yes. And the people that get uncomfortable usually have the darkest sides. They just don't. They just. They've never had. They feel like they're getting caught. They're like. They're trying to hide it. They're like. Now all of a sudden, they're like, whoa. Somebody just. He's just talking it. I didn't know anybody else was like this. There's a lot of people out there like this. And people only get acknowledged for it for all the destructive behavior that happens, and they don't really get acknowledged for all the good that happens with it and the people that have the ability to tap into that and get to not only help themselves, but help everybody around you.
- [38:30]
Tom Bilyeu
So to me, it's really a question of meaning and purpose when I think about something. So Lisa and I obviously paused for a very brief second and said, okay, we've now had the kind of financial success. We said we'd never work again on something that we didn't love if we hit this sort of dollar amount. And luckily before that, I had realized that this is really just a game of neurochemistry. It really, like life, full stop, is just how you feel about yourself and your life when you're by yourself. And so I knew I needed to engage in something that mattered. And this is why talking to you is always so powerful to me, is you've got this setup where meaning and purpose matters. Without it, there will be not just something missing in your life. It will be a sucking wound of a void like you with everything you have. You must address it. And if you look at the opioid. Opioid pandemic, basically, that is what happens when people have no meaning, no purpose in their life. They fill it with something with neuro cocktail. Right? So I knew that I needed to reengage. But when I think about engaging in a way that gives me the neurochemical cocktail that I want, it really is going really, really hard for something. And I can acknowledge that that does not seem completely universal. Some people don't have sort of the level that I have to take it to and, like, I'm obsessed in. But it is if people look at me and they're sad right at how hard I work and how much I've given up for what I love, I will flip that and say the reason they think that is because they don't know what it feels like to pursue something that hard. And even though I know winning, doesn't know my name, doesn't care about me, there's no loyalty. The pursuit of real glory, like just the pursuit suit of it is in and of itself an intoxicant and is thoroughly joyful.
- [40:31]
Tim Grover
Most people don't want to even get in the race because what you just explained to them, they're afraid of it. They're afraid of success. They're afraid of how good that's going to feel because it's something unique to them. It's something different. It's something they want. It's something they want to pursue. But in order to get in this unforgiving race, you're going to have to leave a lot of things behind. You have to leave a lot of. You have to leave a lot of people behind. You'd have to leave a lot of feelings behind. You can leave a lot of emotions behind. So the best way to describe those individuals is, is. And this is why you have a hard time. I won't say relating to them, but just understanding their thinking because we relate to people in different ways all the time. Is those individuals, their feelings are stronger than their mind. And your. And for us, our minds are stronger than our feelings. So you think about the success that you had previously. Your feelings could have said, you don't need to get out of bed anymore. You, Lily, if you chose every single day, you're like your feelings could have said, why do you have to work more? Stay in bed. All right? Your mind got you out of bed every single day because your mind was stronger than your feelings. Because you knew what your real purpose was, where your real win was. Even though you won previously, that may have not been your actual pursuit of the win that you wanted. You. You won that one and you like, what's next? There's always a next. So your mind was stronger than your feelings. Your mind allowed you to make that decision. Feelings make people overthink. Over, should I do this? Should I not get in the race? It's going to be too hard. So they already talk themselves. They talk themselves out of it. Most individuals, your mind will make a decision, say, we're going to. We're going to do this. Your feelings always make suggestions. You always. They're always giving a Suggestion. They're always kind of analyzing things. They're trying to see. Try to see what? What's happening. What. What's going to go on. All right. When you fail, your feelings give you excuses. Your mind makes you more resilient.
- [43:44]
Tom Bilyeu
You've given up a lot, personally to play this game, to strive for winning. You told a story in the book that I hadn't heard before, which really hit me, which is you were packing to go.
- [43:58]
Tim Grover
Yes.
- [43:59]
Tom Bilyeu
And your daughter walked in. Tell us that story. This is. This is Tim Grover in a nutshell. To me, the unflinching. Here's the truth of it. Don't have to play if you don't want to, but here's what it costs if you want to play.
- [44:10]
Tim Grover
Yeah.
- [44:11]
Tom Bilyeu
And. Yeah.
- [44:15]
Tim Grover
So my work, when I was working with my professional athletes, it required me to do a lot of traveling, a lot of leaving at short notice. And this story gets me every time. So when people say it didn't hurt, it still hurts. I was packing for a trip. My daughter walks into her room. She says, dad, why do you travel so much? I said, sweetheart, this is how I provide for the family. This is how I take care of you and mom. This is how I put food on the table. She looks at me, says, daddy, if I eat less, will you stay home more? Now, people would think in a fairy tale, or most people would say, I unpack my suitcase. I'm not going to take this trip. Let's go grab some ice cream or let's go out. I kept packing. I kept packing. Why? I had to set an example for her early of what it meant to win and what you have to leave behind sometimes in order to pursue what's unique to you. And I wanted her to understand that this is who I am. I can't be anybody else. I always want you to see the real dad, the real person. And I want to set an example for you. And I was fortunate enough that those sacrifices that I did make early. I had a conversation with her later on to tell her why I did all those things. In the middle of the conversation, she stopped me. She goes, I get it. I understand. She saw the results. She saw how it brought us closer together. She understood my dedication to my craft and what it took to excel and what it took to be different and what it took to stand by unpopular decisions of others, knowing that every successful person that I've met, every successful person that I know, had to make those decisions over and over again that affect other individuals that are so close and so dear. To them.
- [47:53]
Tom Bilyeu
What do you say to people that hear that story and think, oh, Tim, you were so close. You could have had the fairytale moment. All you had to do was unpack, take her out for ice cream. What is it that they don't understand?
- [48:10]
Tim Grover
You ever watch a fairy tale?
- [48:12]
Tom Bilyeu
Yes.
- [48:13]
Tim Grover
All right. There's a lot of unforgiving, dark places, bad decisions that go on, bad moments in a fairy tale. And it doesn't always end the way everybody wants it to end. My ending of a fairy tale is different than somebody else's. It's my story. I have the ability to change it. I have the ability to decide who's going to star in it, whether I'm going to be the main figure or at times, I'm going to let somebody else. Don't give that power to somebody else. You have too many individuals out there that are not writing their own story. They're letting other people write those stories for them. Winning wants you to write your own story because only you can tell your story the way winning is going to understand it, the way your true self is going to be. Acknowledge it to everybody else and say, listen, I may not agree with everything that you've done, and I don't expect people to do. There's not a single successful person that I know where everybody's going to agree with 100% of their decisions. But you have to respect that individual for doing things that they wanted to do, how they wanted to do it, and their ability to win over and over again.
- [50:01]
Tom Bilyeu
If you had 60 seconds to tell the generation coming up now who want to be great what they should do to make that real, what would you say?
- [50:14]
Tim Grover
If I had 60 seconds, I would tell them that, stop looking for steps. Stop looking for things that say, five steps to winning. Ten steps to greatness, eight steps to success. Those steps are infinite, and they're constantly changing. And just because you can't see them doesn't mean they're not there. Find your own path to winning. Because as the late, great Kobe Bryant said, winning is everything. Winning is everything. The way it makes you feel, the way it makes your family feel, the way you feel when your children win, the way you feel when your significant others win, the way you feel when you've touched other lives and they win. Those steps are infinite, but you got to trust yourself that they're there. And sometimes you gotta run up those stairs, sometimes you gotta crawl up those stairs, and sometimes you get all the way to the top. You got to start all over again.
- [51:46]
Tom Bilyeu
Such is the nature of winning.
- [51:48]
Tim Grover
Yes it is my man.
- [51:50]
Tom Bilyeu
Thank you so much for coming on. Where can people connect with you?
- [51:54]
Tim Grover
My website is tim grover.com social media handle is imgrover.
- [51:58]
Tom Bilyeu
Nice and easy. There it is guys. I'm telling you, this is. I would call him a legend, but he's not a legend. He's an icon. This man knows how to think. Read the book. Winning. It is extraordinary. I have said off camera and I will say now on camera, winning is like another number one hit from the same album that Relentless came from. If you like that one, Winning is going to blow your mind is absolutely phenomenal. His advice will change your life if you let it. And I hope each and every one of you will pursue winning in your own way. And speaking of things that will help you win, if you haven't already, be sure to subscribe. And until next time, my friends, be legendary. Take care.
- [52:41]
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