← Tom Bilyeu's Impact Theory
Tom Bilyeu's Impact Theory
Can You Actually Balance Entrepreneurship & Your Relationship? | Tom & Lisa Bilyeu (Replay)
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- [00:01]
Tom Bilyeu
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- [00:30]
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- [01:01]
Tom Bilyeu
You're listening to the Impact Theory podcast, your source of empowering ideas and actionable techniques from the world's highest achievers. Join host Tom Bilyeu, serial entrepreneur and co founder of the billion dollar brand Quest Nutrition, on a journey to unlock your potential and realize your vision of success. Welcome to Impact Theory. What is up, everybody? Welcome to another episode of Relationship Theory. We are coming to you live from the phone today because we had a big event for the last three days and the honest answer is we didn't want to abuse the team and make them unload cameras.
- [01:40]
Lisa Bilyeu
Yeah, we got a late start. Oh, sorry. A late finish yesterday. And so, yeah, we just figured, hey, let's do it on our phone.
- [01:48]
Tom Bilyeu
There it is. So here we are. And yeah, did we have a kickoff question or anything? What I like about this though is I can see people. What is up? Abraham's in the house. How you doing, Rebecca? Shirley is watching. It's good to see you guys. Welcome, welcome.
- [02:05]
Lisa Bilyeu
All right, so today we're going to discuss business and entrepreneurship and relationships and how we work to combine the two. And just selfishly, and I keep saying this, but I absolutely love that you guys watch this show and a part of it because it is purely selfish from my part that I actually get to chat to this man. So I just schedule Relationship Theory whenever I want some one on one time with him. So thank you guys for giving me the excuse to do that. Yeah, see the thumbs up as well. All right, so we've got a few announcements.
- [02:42]
Tom Bilyeu
Wisconsin's in the house. I see.
- [02:44]
Lisa Bilyeu
Yep. So we have some weird Scheduling over these next few weeks. This man here is just crazy busy. So please switch on your notifications. I always point. I think it's up there. I don't even know. But let's just pretend. Switch on your notifications, guys, because over the next couple of weeks, our lives are going to be somewhat sporadic on the days and times. Try to keep it to Wednesdays, but just in case, switch on your notifications. Also, Valentine's Day is coming up.
- [03:11]
Tom Bilyeu
Wow, that's so true.
- [03:13]
Lisa Bilyeu
It's. It will go by in a blink. So I know everyone's thinking, what the hell? It's just January. Lisa, what are you doing?
- [03:17]
Tom Bilyeu
That's only three weeks away.
- [03:18]
Lisa Bilyeu
Three weeks away. And we got some really cool things in line. We got some swag, especially for couples. And we just got a whole bunch of other, like, fun questions and stuff like that. So I just want to hype it a little to get people interested. Thumbs up if you guys are interested. Yay. Wow. I'm, like, on a. I don't know if it's, like, being outside or I haven't really hung out with you, like, all of Sunday. You were gone. And so it is, like, I get to, like, actually hang out with this man. So. Okay, let's get started, people. Let's get started. All right, last week's. Would you rather. So the question was, would you rather have a partner who lacks confidence or a partner that lacks empathy? And 100% of people said, partner who lacks confidence.
- [04:08]
Tom Bilyeu
Yeah, I think that's a wise answer.
- [04:09]
Lisa Bilyeu
So is it safe to say that no one wants to be with associates?
- [04:12]
Tom Bilyeu
I think it is safe, at least in our audience. Maybe there are audiences that would feel differently, but I'm very happy to report that our audience is against the sociopaths.
- [04:23]
Lisa Bilyeu
All right, so now this week's kickoff question. Sorry, would you rather kick off. Let's do this. All right, guys, answer in the comments below. And actually, we can read ourselves. I know this man likes to do that. So if you find one, you can shout it out. So would you rather kick off question. Would you rather risk everything for a potential business, sorry, business opportunity or the potential love of your life? So would you risk your potential business opportunity or risk your potential love of your life?
- [04:55]
Tom Bilyeu
I think this question needs a lot more clarity. If I'm honest there, shady old lady. No, because I need to know, like, what does it mean exactly, to find the love of my life? 100%. I would rather risk everything to build a business. To keep the love of my life. I'd rather Risk everything for that. So for me, like, I don't believe that people. I don't think that being in a relationship is inherently better than not. I think that it is entirely based on the actual realities of the relationship. So to protect what we have, there's literally nothing I wouldn't burn down to the ground. Like, if in a magical scenario like these wonderful would you rathers where it was like, hey, either lose everything, give up your business, all of it, but still be with you, or lose you, but the business goes on to become what I want. Like, that's not even difficult for me. But if it's like if you were an abstract notion, 100% the business.
- [05:52]
Lisa Bilyeu
All right, let's take real case scenario. So you came home one day. It's in my head that that was like the grand thing. You came home, you're like, hey, we've got this business opportunity, really want to do it. Quest didn't have a name back then, but let's just call it Quest. And what if I said no? Like, so we just give everyone context. We just bought our very first house. Obviously, as a woman, I was like, nesting. And we just decorated and I was so excited. It was our first house together and we had it for like a couple of months. And he'd come home and basically said, just to be very clear, if we fail at this business, because we're going to put an in basically every savings we have, if we fail, then we could lose the house. And I said, I bet on you, but what if I didn't? What if I said no, I want a family, I want kids, I want security. Now, look, I know that you know me well enough that that's not my personality, but let's say the house had given me something that I never expected. So I'm like, I don't want to lose this house, babe. Now what would you do? Now, obviously, you don't have the foresight of what Quest would have become, but you have the ambition and vision of what it could have become, right?
- [07:03]
Tom Bilyeu
So I'm going to try to go through the honest answer really fast so that people can get as much of this as possible. So here is the truth. One, I would know that I. On a long enough timeline, the odds of me being able to convince you are almost 100. And so I would go into it knowing that I would go into it accepting, okay, this is going to take time. Now, the very first thing that I told you was you can ask me to give up anything except my ambition. So if you were Telling me that the house was a bigger deal to you than my ambition. That would be my first argument. And I would say, look, we had agreed that the one thing you would never ask me to give up is my ambition. We did not have any sort of agreement about a house, and that that would somehow become the center of our lives or whatever. So I am. And this is what I'd be saying to you in that moment, I am unwilling to change what we agreed to, which is that you would never ask me to give up my ambition. And now you're asking me not only to give it up, but to trade it for a house, which is like pure insanity. But I hear in that that there's something unexpected for you, that you're getting something amazing and beautiful and wonderful out of this house. And so to not expect you to grow, change, and evolve wouldn't make any sense. And I want to make sure that we create space for that. So we have two things we're not going to choose between. We're not going to let them become this, like, binary thing where I'm going to get what you want, you're not going to get what you. And I recognize the weight of what you're saying, which is this thing has become incredibly important to you and that you want to have a family. Now let's break them down and let's look at how. What we're really debating is odds of success. There's no guarantee that the business is going to be successful, and it is entirely possible that we could lose the house. But now let's look at it in real business terms. Let's put protective mechanisms in place, if you will. So, one, what is our plan if the business is going down and I've got personal guarantees and they're using the house as collateral, like I would first have to get you to. Because I can feel to really answer this question, it would take me more than an hour. So I'm just going to shorthand things. So we would have a mechanism by which we would understand what could really happen and that, yes, we could lose the house, but the house is representative of something. It isn't like your family, even then, like I was going to say, your family's not buried under the house. It's not like in losing the house, you lose something that is truly you could never re. Get. So it's like really coming to understand, articulate what it represents to you. How do we make sure that we can get that, even if we have to scale it back, Getting you to understand that this, when I said my ambition, it has a physical manifestation, and that manifestation is building something at the risk of losing something else. So this is that moment that we talked about. Whereas a house is about nesting, it's about safety, it's about security, it's about being able to provide for the coming children. So like, let's really look at what that actually takes, rather than becoming dogmatic that it is this house, which it isn't. And then also don't get yourself in a twist over a future reality that may or may not happen. So we can do things in the business not to overextend ourselves, not to get in a position where we're over leveraged. So you can actually look at the business and say, look, there are no guarantees. And yes, like, we have the house as collateral. It's a guarantee against something. But there are ways to mitigate that from really becoming super dangerous. And I mean, by way of example, we did it right? So we actually, we've played this scenario out on one hand, which is that we risk everything. And are we able to be fiscally responsible, not overextend ourselves, not get ourselves in a position where we're beholden to other people, remove ourselves from the personal responsibility as fast as we could, reinvesting all the profits back into the business and so that we could get out of things like personal guarantees, which we did. So it's like, not only is that possible, that's actually what we did. And so walking you through that and I think most importantly, letting you know, like, you're going to get out of this what you want as well, like, this is not going to be me saying, hey, it's this, you know, my way or the highway. My value system isn't better than yours. Yours admittedly though, is new. You've changed. And so making sure that we respect. I've said this from the beginning, I've been consistent. I respect that you're growing and changing.
- [11:27]
Lisa Bilyeu
So important.
- [11:29]
Tom Bilyeu
Sorry, no, no, I'm gonna get in a loop of just repeating myself.
- [11:32]
Lisa Bilyeu
But like, but that's so important because initially when you said but you, you'd never said that your house was important to you. Like something went off in my head, was like, well, people change, right? And so even if you get together as a couple and you say, this is the thing that is important, important to me, and over the years you start discovering other things. It's like, it's important to acknowledge that and someone not hold that against you being like, hang on, 10 years ago, you didn't Say a house was important. Now all of a sudden, no, you don't get your way. Like that is completely, I think, so dangerous to act like that. But you're right, it's. You need to address it and you need to address the weights of it. And then at least for me, because your mind works in such a business sense, right. Because you're saying, well, you mitigate the. The pros and the cons and like,
- [12:20]
Tom Bilyeu
you mitigate the risk.
- [12:21]
Lisa Bilyeu
The risk. For me, though, it's very. It's more emotional than that.
- [12:25]
Tom Bilyeu
Yes.
- [12:26]
Lisa Bilyeu
And so for me, how I approached it was, okay, what is the worst case scenario? Because the one thing I never want to do is hold anything against you. That was so important to me. So in having a house that I loved and feeling that like, I was finally an adult and now I can, like, really build a family. And, you know, because I was a stay at home wife, so it was like I wanted kids and we were going to have a family, and it was. The house became more important than I realized it would ever become. I forgot where I was going with that. Oh, God. It was a good point as well. Oh, man. I lost it.
- [13:01]
Tom Bilyeu
The only thing I can tell you is obviously where you actually ended up.
- [13:04]
Lisa Bilyeu
Yeah. So basically, thank you. For me, it was important to see the worst case scenario because I never wanted to hold it against you. Because if you had approached it like, don't worry, babe, we're probably not going to lose the house. And it's just like the worst case scenario. And then we did. I think I would have held it against you a little. But I think it's so important to say, I'm an adult. I make my own decision. So even though we're a couple, I need to know what I'm getting myself into and then I can make that decision. So with the house, I didn't think of it as like, well, we could. We couldn't. I just thought of it as, if we lose the house, is that the worst thing that can happen to me? Is that the worst thing that can happen to us as a partnership? And when I said no, I got that answer. And then I said, okay, with your ambition, if I held you back, would that be the worst thing that could happen to me? And would that be the worst thing that can happen to you in our relationship? And the answer was yes. So for me, once I started really analyzing the worst case of both and what I was willing to sacrifice or not, like, to me, fueling your ambition is so important that it made me realize A house wasn't actually that important. And so once I'd assessed that, I really was okay with saying, okay, well, if we now lose the house, I'm part of that decision. I'm on board. And Wiki agrees. I'm part of that decision. I'm on board. It's not that you want to do it for your ambition, and I'm tagging along, and that's been such a big part of our relationship is knowing that, making decisions together and then making sure that you are both on that same page versus you feeling like you're dragging me. Because I think that would have been a big, massive problem. Like, worst case scenario, we lost the house. And I didn't actually really assess it or I didn't think about it and I didn't confidently make that decision. I think that, yeah, I would have been. I may have held it against you. Nothing. That's danger. Danger. Truth. All right, next question. So, guys, we are answering live, so submit your questions and we will get to them. And please, please, please do share this. If it's bringing you value, that's the one ask we have is to spread the word. You're usually good at this. I kind of, like, have taken it over, but I like it when you pitch the sharing.
- [15:15]
Tom Bilyeu
Right. Okay.
- [15:16]
Lisa Bilyeu
I'm just repeating what you normally say.
- [15:18]
Tom Bilyeu
What's wrong with that, though? You do a good job. Yeah. That was so unexpected. Like, you've always done that here.
- [15:24]
Lisa Bilyeu
And the funny thing is, every time it goes in my head, I'm just like, oh, he's so much better at it than I am.
- [15:28]
Tom Bilyeu
Yeah. But only because I've done it more. So the more you do it, the better you'll get.
- [15:32]
Lisa Bilyeu
Practice then, baby. Practice. All right, so we've got the first fan kickoff question. This is from Irvin R. Sanchez. Hey, Lisa, can you speak on having a spouse that's building a business? When Tom started Quest, how did you accept the fact that most of his attention would be placed on the business? And how did you not let that get in between your relationship would be cool to hear the perspective from both of you. I think the first thing for us, like, the most important and the most powerful thing is it has to be a decision you guys make together. So if I want to build a business, what is like, is that our primary focus? And if we go into it together saying, yes, this is what we're going to achieve and this is what we want, then it doesn't feel like there's a. There's a split between, oh, he's ambitious and he's going off to work on this business, and I'm just tagging along. It's like we decided as a family, as a unit, as the Billew clan, we decided together this is the move we're going to make. We're going to start a business. Okay, what does that mean? It means that I'm not going to money spend. Spend as much time with him as I would like to. Okay.
- [16:34]
Tom Bilyeu
Do we agree together in a romantic setting because we spent more time together.
- [16:40]
Lisa Bilyeu
Yes, in a romantic setting. As husband and wife versus as business partners.
- [16:44]
Tom Bilyeu
Yeah.
- [16:45]
Lisa Bilyeu
But I think. Why is it. No. That was a cute smile.
- [16:47]
Tom Bilyeu
Oh, I was literally thinking of that video that we had. Remember, it was like December 19th or something, and I had you in the warehouse doing test batches on like a Sunday or something.
- [17:00]
Lisa Bilyeu
Oh, yeah.
- [17:01]
Tom Bilyeu
And what did I say? Like, oh, it's. It's a Sunday and we're here by ourselves doing test batches, and you turn to the camera and you go like. You were, like, really sarcastic and annoyed. I thought, well, we were together. Maybe not in the ideal romantic way, but it was time together.
- [17:16]
Lisa Bilyeu
And that's so. I love that you think of it like that and. Because, yeah, I think it's a different perspective for me. But the truth was, we decided we were going to go all in on this business. We were going all in on coffee. And over time, I started to really find myself within the company and. But at the beginning, where literally we're in a Sunday in a warehouse and it's just us two and I'm doing like, these formulas and just like, measuring stuff. And I was. I hated it. I'm gonna be honest. I freaking hated it. That's not where my skills shine. I shine in production and filmmaking and content. But here I am. I've got a hair net on. And I could have been mad at you, right? And I could have been like, I'm honest. I'm here on a Sunday doing something I don't like. And I feel like you're kind of forcing me because you definitely did pressure me to do it, but because we had decided when we started the company that we're in it together. It's like, well, now I'm going back on my word where I said we're in it together. Then also another thing, at least for me, is you're way more ambitious than I am now. I'm ambitious, but you're way, way more ambitious than I am. So making sure that I don't feel a guilty if you're working and I'm not. But then also, like, take the Sunday. So you're ambitious, you're like, well, it's Sunday, of course I'm going to work. I'm going to go in the warehouse, I'm going to do what needs to be done. I had the decision to say, okay, do I want to be the perfect business partner right now and join you? Do I want to be a supportive wife and be there as your wife and emotionally and just sit there and like, maybe like, sort your food out or like, what is my role I want to play and then hold myself to it. So on a Sunday when you're going into the warehouse, I held myself to the agreement and the. What we had decided we were going to do in that we're going to be all in. So showing my support even though I was miserable was important to me. I think I've derailed from the question, though. When Tom started Quest, how did you accept the fact that most of you. Attention? Yes. So really it was a decision we made beforehand. It's the inevitability is, is that he's going to spend less time with me. It's going to be inevitable that I won't see him as much, that I won't have as much romantic time with him. But if we agree as a team that this is what we're going to do for the family, then it just makes it so much easier because I just remind myself, I take myself back to when we made that decision and I hold myself accountable and I say, well, we decided. So one thing we didn't do is go blindside into that word.
- [19:47]
Tom Bilyeu
Yeah, there it is.
- [19:48]
Lisa Bilyeu
But anything from your perspective.
- [19:51]
Tom Bilyeu
My thing is that everything should be based on your goals. And by that point in our relationship, it was clear to me that either we needed to have kids so that you could have something in life that fulfilled you, or you needed to start working. But continuing to just stay at home while I built things didn't make sense.
- [20:11]
Lisa Bilyeu
So make sense from what you wanted or make sense from us?
- [20:14]
Tom Bilyeu
Makes sense from a. You, you. You only have one life to live. And a deep sense of fulfillment is, I think, just critical to anybody's life path. And I think that family is the sort of nature's automated way of having fulfillment, which is why so many people do it. And I think that kids really do give people, I won't even say just women, but people a deep sense of meaning and purpose and fulfillment. And that's like that, you know, the fulfillment starter kit, if you will, and we had chosen not to go down that path. And that meant that you were gonna. Honestly, we hadn't quite decided at that point. But getting you into the business for me in the beginning was a way to see if you would find fulfillment in that because I thought that you could really be gifted at that. And then two, I was really worried about proximity. So to me, because goals are so important to me, like being together, building something together, to be able to share that with you sounded awesome. And it was like, quite frankly, and I think that that was really important to share that time with you.
- [21:25]
Lisa Bilyeu
But did you expect like. So for instance, yesterday we were kind of with each other over the last two days non stop. But last night I cuddled you and I said, I really miss you. Because proximity is great to an extent where you see the person growing as an individual, but it's not for me a way of substituting our one on one time as husband and wife.
- [21:48]
Tom Bilyeu
It's not a substitute. No question. It's way worse for you than it is for me. And this, the last three days was we had very divergent paths, to be quite frank. So we were at the same place. But when like I walked into the room where now we were going to be filming things together, that did give me that deep sense of connection to you that I did not have when I was doing the behind the scenes stuff. And you were preparing for that. So there's no question between the two of us, like working on the same thing gives me almost exactly the same thing. Not quite, but almost exactly the same thing that like going out on a romantic dinner. And in fact for me, honestly, it's better. Yeah, it's a deeper, it's a deeper sense of connection. Like that's how meaningful goals and the pursuit of goals and all of that, like that's what that means to me. So that's why like I love playing video games. Because on like a really sort of low key, just pure fun level, we have a goal, we have a mission. Like the other day, like you amped me up so hard because you were like, let's like really set out. We were playing video games and you were like, let's set goals. Like, what are we going to do? Go undefeated? Like do this, do that. And I was like, oh my God, like this is so cool. I love this because it's goals.
- [23:06]
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- [23:36]
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- [24:06]
Lisa Bilyeu
That's so fascinating. I had no idea that things like yesterday were is like deep and meaningful to you.
- [24:12]
Tom Bilyeu
Well, so don't confuse it because yesterday is like the worst example because I didn't feel like for the most part we were doing the same things. But building impact theory is a great example. So even like your favorite part is, well, honestly your favorite part is when we're together in a non business setting. And for me, honestly like the same. But it's just the margin of difference is so different. Like for you, there's a huge chasm between time spent romantically out to dinner, whatever, and then doing things together in the business. Whereas for me the margin of difference is actually quite slim.
- [24:49]
Lisa Bilyeu
It's important though that we know that about each other, right? Because I think people at home, when you're in a relationship and working with your spouse or your partner, it's definitely important to know because it's so easy to get caught up on what is important to you and how you interpret that time. And I think over time I've tried to be more articulate with you about what I'm looking for because you don't see it like that. So you're like, what are you talking about? We just like hung out for three days and I'm like, we hung out. No, we didn't. We didn't. You know, we barely.
- [25:16]
Tom Bilyeu
And I would never say hung out. We were working on the same goals. We were bonded at like a deep spiritual level.
- [25:22]
Lisa Bilyeu
But the one thing actually that for me was interesting was like things like yesterday because it's production and because I feel like it is my responsibility, right? Like things have to go well, shoot has to go well. And that is my responsibility. And when you come in like you are the host to me versus you're my husband or you're my business partner. So my dynamic changes a lot from when husband and wife, right? You're my alpha, I'm the beta and then in. So that's in a personal relationship. We've agreed. That's our dynamic. And then when it comes to the company itself, you're the visionary, I'm the executor. So again, we have those. But when it comes to production, like, actual shoot, I actually feel like I'm the alpha, because I feel like no matter how well you come on stage and you perform, if I haven't run that ship tight, then we have no show.
- [26:18]
Tom Bilyeu
So, literally, I want you guys to imagine her off camera, like, right before I walk on, saying, essentially, inspire them clown. It's like, I am just the talent. I'm some guy that, like, wandered in off the street that you set this whole thing up for. You're like, inspire them clown. It's hilarious. All right, we need to move on. We've been on this question forever.
- [26:40]
Lisa Bilyeu
You're going to say more words, but that shift in, like, the positioning, and I don't know if women have the same problem, because we're getting a lot of questions. That's why I really want to hammer this.
- [26:49]
Tom Bilyeu
That's why you want to keep talking over their questions.
- [26:51]
Lisa Bilyeu
That basically, the dynamic between you, at least for me, does change, and it's important to recognize that, which is why I think when I'm alone with you at home cuddling, it's very different than when we're on a set in production where I feel like I'm the alpha. It's very weird and different dynamic for me. So there you go. All right, next question. Okay, this one is from Vinicius Quiroz. Should you first build yourself in important areas in life? So physically, business success, mental toughness, and then look for love, or is it possible to build all areas of life? Improving myself, creating a business, working on new relationships at the same time?
- [27:34]
Tom Bilyeu
Yeah, I mean, you can definitely do it at the same time. I just wouldn't, like. You've got to know what your priority is. So when you and I met, romantic, anything was not my priority, but it happened, and it was amazing, and we ended up doing it all together, and I think so much the better for it. So, yeah, I think that they can happen simultaneously without question. But I think that trying to divert your, like, if you were gonna go hardcore, like, I'm gonna go out and date and do all this stuff, like, that's gonna be pretty tough to do them both equally well. But, you know, living a life, I'll say it another way. Focus on a life that's exciting. So if you're super Amped up with what you're doing in the business. First of all, it's gonna be super sexy to somebody that you come across. And then second, like, if you wanna go out, go out. Just understand that that's time away from what you're trying to build, which means somebody that doesn't take that time is gonna go ahead of you. There's no moral obligation to live your life like that. So unless you're like, you. You don't want to slow down, you want to keep going, and you're doing it out of excitement and fun, then, you know, go out. Like, that's the thing. Like, people act like there's some one way to live. There's only one way to live. And that way is the thing that makes you most feel alive, that fills you with the most energy. And if that's like backpacking for nothing and begging for rice, like, every day, then go do that. And if it's building a multinational conglomerate that is massive and, you know, like, nothing the business world has ever seen, then go do that. But there's. It's what makes you feel most alive, period.
- [29:07]
Lisa Bilyeu
Was it Eisner?
- [29:09]
Tom Bilyeu
Who?
- [29:09]
Lisa Bilyeu
Basically, his wife was like, oh, I. I never saw him for years and years. It was like he would be on the phone all the time.
- [29:15]
Tom Bilyeu
No. And I. I know who it is now, but you don't know Eisner. So I'm like, what? Like, where would she come up? Iovine.
- [29:22]
Lisa Bilyeu
Iovine.
- [29:23]
Tom Bilyeu
Yes, Jimmy Iovine.
- [29:24]
Lisa Bilyeu
Jimmy Iovine. Where? Literally, his wife's like, oh, I would make him dinner, and I would put it outside the door of the bathroom,
- [29:30]
Tom Bilyeu
which I thought was so weir much. Why the bathroom?
- [29:34]
Lisa Bilyeu
Who knows? But, like, that's a supportive wife. And when I heard that, I was like, that's so freaking amazing. And now, look, it's not for everybody.
- [29:41]
Tom Bilyeu
And they got divorced.
- [29:42]
Lisa Bilyeu
It's definitely. Yeah, it's definitely not for me. Right. If it got to that point, I would have to say, look, there's something wrong here, because I'm not willing to sacrifice that much of our relationship for the business. And I'm just honest about that. I think it's important to be honest about what you're actually willing to do. And so for me, like, I would definitely draw the line. Like, you work when you eat a lot, and I do, too. But there are times when, like, hey, let's eat together. And you're always very respectful of that. And so, you know, we put down what we're doing and we eat together. But, yeah, I couldn't Spend years, but some women can. So I think everyone needs to assess what they're willing to do and what they're not willing to do.
- [30:18]
Tom Bilyeu
So there it is.
- [30:19]
Lisa Bilyeu
All right. All right, so we got a would you rather segment. Guys answer in the comments as we do and we never see these in advance. It's always kind of fun for us as well. All right, would you rather have a driven partner who misses out on your anniversary every year because of their work? Well, had seven years of that, so let's continue. Or have a partner who is so focused on a relationship that they miss out on career growth opportunities every year? Well, so for me, I would definitely rather you miss out on our anniversary because I am so attracted to your, your drive and your ambition that I want to encourage it. So I just weigh the options. And for me it's. I can live without having a specific anniversary day and we've done that many times.
- [31:05]
Tom Bilyeu
You, I think if you're not building the same thing, it is uber dangerous for both of you to be going in opposite directions from just the survival of the relationship. So again, I don't place a moral judgment. You don't need to be in a relationship. But if you're in a relationship and you want it to work, you cannot have two people pulling opposite directions that hard. Like essentially you have no relationship and you're both high powered business people who happen to live together.
- [31:31]
Lisa Bilyeu
So you're the same though.
- [31:33]
Tom Bilyeu
What do you mean?
- [31:34]
Lisa Bilyeu
Well, so let's say you both either want the anniversary or the career opportunity.
- [31:39]
Tom Bilyeu
Yeah. Like what would you rather? Only one of us, Unless we're building the same thing, Only one of us can be going like that and missing things because. Yeah, like at some point, like for a relationship to be thriving, either you need to be building something together and so you're missing something in like at the same time you're doing something together. You believe in it, you share in it, you're emotionally tied up in it. So the highs are the highs together, the lows are the lows together. So there's like a synchronicity between the two of you, which is in and of itself the whole point of a relationship is to be synchronized with each other and to help each other be better. But when you're both just uber ambitious and running in opposite directions, like based on what I know and the way that I view the world, like there would be no reason to then be in a relationship.
- [32:30]
Lisa Bilyeu
That's personal preference as well.
- [32:32]
Tom Bilyeu
Every word out of my mouth is personal preference.
- [32:36]
Lisa Bilyeu
Alright, next would you rather. Would you rather start a business with your partner and your time together is all business, all the time, or support. Support your partner in their own ventures and your time together is limited but romantic? Yeah, I mean, I think it's together. It's. It's the act of building something.
- [32:51]
Tom Bilyeu
Give me the question again.
- [32:52]
Lisa Bilyeu
Would you rather start a business with your partner and your time together in all business is all business, all the time. Oh, yeah. Kind of skimmed over that all the time bit there. Or support your partner in their own ventures and your time together is limited but romantic? God, I'm gonna have to change my answer. I think it's gonna have to be for me. Support your partner in the own ventures and your time together is limited but romantic? Because I'm kind of like that monkey that, like, if you don't, like, if it doesn't have touch, you've got to
- [33:26]
Tom Bilyeu
have the fur and not the wire mesh that feeds.
- [33:28]
Lisa Bilyeu
Yeah, I. I just. I think I would. It would slowly. It's like the. The dripping. It would slowly just weigh on me so much that. Yeah, that's my answer. What about you?
- [33:40]
Tom Bilyeu
They're both destructive, and they end in just utter sadness for me. But I. The one thing I just know about myself, I couldn't give up my ambition. So anybody that watched Entourage, like, when he gives up everything for his wife, I thought, wow, I get it. It's so romantic. But, like, I could do it maybe for, like, six months. And then after that, like, you would just come in a room, be like, oh, what are you doing? And I'd be like, inadvertently trying to build a business, literally. And I remember when you and I walked through the world where, because I honestly believe that I could live a life and just write, like, I really, really could enjoy that. And you were like, but, yeah, first then you'd want to publish your own book, and you'd want to do the marketing for it, and then you'd start thinking, wow, well, I've built all this, so I might as well be publishing other authors. And then all of a sudden, you have a fucking, like, publishing empire. And I was like, God, she's so right. So, yeah, that is just the truth of my nature. And I'm not a big, like, nature. Oh, we're wired this way or anything. Like, I've built that into myself so relentlessly. And on top of, like, I've always been really ambitious. It just seems like a recipe for disaster.
- [34:49]
Lisa Bilyeu
Yeah. And because we've always been so honest with each other, that has. It's never Caught us on off guard. So it's not like all of a sudden you're like, no, I'm gonna neglect you because I'm ambitious. And, you know, it's like we've always been very upfront and like, what do. What do we want? And then what is the knock on effects of that? Because the second you're trying to like, cater to the other person. Oh, God, I just think it's like you're in that guessing thing and you end up not really improving your relationship at all. So you're trying to please them, but you end up not at all. Right, all right, last word. You are the guys answer with us. Would you rather have radical transparency in your relationship or in your business? You can't have both.
- [35:29]
Tom Bilyeu
Oh, that's so terrible.
- [35:32]
Lisa Bilyeu
I thought you would say that's so easy.
- [35:33]
Tom Bilyeu
I was about to, and then I thought, God, like, they're both ridiculous. So look, with stuff like this meaning, like to choose one or the other, like the one that doesn't have radical transparency, like your business will implode on
- [35:47]
Lisa Bilyeu
a long enough timeline, especially after doing principles.
- [35:50]
Tom Bilyeu
Yeah.
- [35:50]
Lisa Bilyeu
Like business.
- [35:51]
Tom Bilyeu
Oh, so dastardly. But for. You'd rather have radical transparency in your relationship. Yeah, yeah. 100%.
- [35:59]
Lisa Bilyeu
Yeah. Because that would then have that knock on effect into the business. Whereas if you were radically transparent in the business, but you weren't in our relationship, I think our relationship would end.
- [36:09]
Tom Bilyeu
Yeah.
- [36:10]
Lisa Bilyeu
So.
- [36:11]
Tom Bilyeu
Oh, yeah. Be suboptimal.
- [36:13]
Lisa Bilyeu
Yeah. Pain in the. Pain in the butt answers that question. All right, back to the questions, guys, we're answering live, so please put in the comments below if you've got any questions for us to answer. Next question. Michael Moore.
- [36:25]
Tom Bilyeu
The documentary
- [36:27]
Lisa Bilyeu
is a different Michael Moore.
- [36:29]
Tom Bilyeu
I thought this was going to be a question about Michael Moore.
- [36:31]
Lisa Bilyeu
Oh, no, no, no. This is a fan question. What if you had made that decision to grow a business prior to the relationship starting? What if you meet someone and fall in love with someone who needs a lot of your attention once you've already started your business? How is that best balance? I want to start by saying when I first met him our first day, he laid everything out on the line. It was, this is who I am. There was no pretenses. There was no, like, let me try and be pretend to be, you know, this mythical figure that I'm not actually, like, you were so raw and honest on our first day, and that was actually what made me completely head over here, heels to you after our first date. Like, I was smitten because I was like, no guy has ever been this transparent with me. Like, you were so honest about everything. That. And it wasn't like you trying to be, like, controversial. You're trying to, like, be edgy. You were just like yourself. And I. It was so refreshing because, you know, I've been on so many dates where guys are trying to impress, and I was the same. I was trying to impress you. I was sitting there, like, picking up my food and I've got a massive appetite. So there I was, you know, but so. But then when you were like, so yourself, it allowed me to relax and become myself. And so I think if you're building a. Building a business and then you meet someone, the first thing you do is let them know exactly what that means to you. Because once you start finding out this person's needy and you've laid out the truth on the line, it's like, I hate to say, but if your business is the most important thing, then cut off the relationship as you start noticing. And then also I think it's a good test for people, right? Like, are they right for me? Because if I am ambitious and if I do want to build a business, then I need someone long term that is going to be on board with that. Not just, like, while you're dating, but when you get married, if you decide to have kids, it's like you want to make sure that person is all on board with that ambition and what you're trying to do with your business. And so if you're not upfront and you find out over time and then you fall in love, I think it's harder to back away from that relationship. Whereas if you're uber up front and then you start noticing that they're not supportive, you just cut the cord and you're good.
- [38:38]
Tom Bilyeu
That is 100% true. And now I'll give just a counterpoint, which is meeting people with compassion and trying to work through it, trying to, like, present. So if somebody's being needy, I'm going to try to work through, like, what is it that I'm doing that makes them feel that way?
- [38:55]
Lisa Bilyeu
You would do that even if it was, let's say, the fourth date.
- [38:59]
Tom Bilyeu
Like I said, what you said is the truth. I just want to give people, like, an alternate variation. So because 100%, I don't overvalue relationships, especially at the beginning. So it's like, yeah, if it's a distraction and they're pulling me in a direction that I don't want to go, then part ways. But they're trying to create a Scenario, maybe because they're actually in it. That's difficult. So I don't want to give. Just. Yeah, like, I'm just saying let's, you know, give. Give an alternate take on this. And the alternate take is you're meeting them with compassion. You're trying to work through the issue to find out what you're doing that's making them feel that way. Which I think is an important question to ask. Like, not just, oh, this person is needy. Which may entirely be based on historical things. Their parents, bad relationships, they've been in neurochemistry, I don't know. But understanding that they can change that if they want. Now I'm the guy. Preach to the choir. Don't try to change people, all that. So that's why I say what you said is the truth. I'm just. This is plan B. So getting to the point where you can assess why they feel that way and see if it's addressable. Because if they're feeling needy and it's an addressable thing, meaning like, hey, when you came to me and said, look, this whole time, the entire time, I
- [40:16]
Lisa Bilyeu
know he was on the floor. Hopefully you guys have heard me. Okay. Has anyone complained about sound?
- [40:23]
Tom Bilyeu
That's. You're so powerful. I like to believe that, like, you don't even need a mic. I'm over here like the crutch of a mic because my words are just weak and they need the amplification. Wow, how did I not notice that? That's really terrible. So anyway, yeah, wrap it up. Figure out what the cause is, and then some of that cause may be addressable, especially if that person's willing to do the work. So it doesn't have to be the relationship death sentence if they're willing to put in the effort to actually identify why they're feeling needy, to give them what they need. Like with you, it didn't take a massive amount of time. There were a few key things that really helped you feel connected. And as long as I was always responsive when you said, hey, I need to spend, you know, I need, like, time. Just you and me, whatever. And then it was always given because it was never abusively asked for. Like, it's been amazing. Saving for your next milestone. Turn your everyday errands into cash back opportunities. Thanks to the blue Cash Every Day card, we can earn 3% cash back in the US on essentials like groceries at supermarkets, online retail purchases, and gas stations. That's how we started growing our family's little nest egg. Take the next step with Blue Cash every day from Amex. Learn more at americanexpress.com Explore BCE terms and cash Back Cap Apply when you
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- [42:14]
Lisa Bilyeu
All right, we've got some fan shout outs to Elida Rose Cardo who shares our shows with her teenager. That's so fantastic. Thank you. So cool. MIT see Besant who digs the casual setup today.
- [42:26]
Tom Bilyeu
Nice.
- [42:26]
Lisa Bilyeu
Thanks, Mitzi. All right, back to some more fan questions. This is from Riley Jennings. How do you balance staying respectful of your partner's time, energy and the sacrifice it takes to cultivate a new business while also still enjoying life in the moment versus waiting for things to feel ready enough to do? It's a good question, Lisa. How did you know when it was time to intervene and ask for time versus letting Tom allow his work to take precedence before you? I know a relationship won't always be fair, but how do you continue to prioritize each other while individually staying true to yourself? Selfish needs? The truth is, it took me time. Like I was never perfect at it. I'm still not perfect at it, but I just try to be honest with myself. Like what do I actually need from my husband? What are the things that are important to me that I'm not willing to sacrifice? And once I laid out all those things, then everything kind of then fell into place. So for me it's I don't actually have like it needs to be on this date every month. But there are little things. Like eating dinner with him to me is actually breakfast, I should say is really meaningful. It's a way of us connecting. I can't even explain why. On the weekends. On the weekend. Well, so that was what I was going to I love having breakfast with him. Now the reality is he's so busy he works from the second he gets up to the moment he goes to sleep. So I don't pressure him to have breakfast with me. But I say okay, it's still something I want and still something that I need that I feel like is important. So I'm not going to apologize for it. I'm not going to feel bad about it, but I'm going to set our relationship up for success. So what does that look like? Okay, Saturday morning. That's the one time I want you to give me. Just give me Saturday morning. Even if you're so busy because you work all the time. So even if you've got an entire day full of other things you have to do, I would like 30 minutes Saturday morning to sit by our dining table and have breakfast. If I never see you for the rest of the day, I like that. And because I'm very understanding with you. You're very sweet and understanding back, and you're like, cool. I had this thing, but I hear what you're saying. I hear that it's important to you, so I'm just going to do that later or you'll shuffle. But I don't have that expectation of him every single day because I understand what he's doing. So I want to show I'm supportive and at the same time, acknowledge what I'm going through, what I need. And then we talk about it, and then we find ways to actually make that happen. Like, that's so important because I used to swallow my feelings when you did those seven to eight years of where you never took a vacation because you were building the tech company before Quest.
- [45:08]
Tom Bilyeu
Six and a half.
- [45:09]
Lisa Bilyeu
Six and a half. I didn't do that. And it became very taxing on me, and I started to feel really alone. And I started to feel like we didn't have this partnership where we were, like, building our lives together. It was like you were off doing this thing, and I was kind of sitting back just waiting for you to come home. And I felt good being supportive, but I didn't feel like I was a part of it. And so I was very passive. And so that took its toll on me. And I wasn't good at communicating. I wasn't good at being upfront about what I actually need. I kind of felt like I had to be all or nothing. So, like, completely stay out of your way and just let you do whatever you want to do and I'll be there. I did that for a long time and realized I actually hated it. And it didn't make me feel good about myself. And then I would then, like, be like, all right, I need this time. I need this time. And then I would be so, like, hard on it because it was like, if you love me and you've recognized I've been supporting order, then you'll give me this time. And so over time, I realized that wasn't a great strategy because now you felt like this pressure of, like, this deadline where it's like, oh, I have to give her that time as of now. And so I think we just worked through and it's like, okay, well, for me it is the small moments throughout the days, throughout the weeks that I'm very honest and open and we figure it out. So hopefully that helped.
- [46:24]
Tom Bilyeu
Nice.
- [46:24]
Lisa Bilyeu
Did I.
- [46:25]
Tom Bilyeu
There was a first part of the question, I think, that we didn't touch on.
- [46:28]
Lisa Bilyeu
How do you balance staying respectful to your partner's time, energy and sacrifice it takes to cultivate a new business? So, yeah, I mean, you were just like, you were very honest and you said, if I'm not spending time with you because it's important, then I'm going to be working.
- [46:44]
Tom Bilyeu
Word.
- [46:45]
Lisa Bilyeu
Yes. And then there is one example. I'll just wait for another question to come in. There is one example where it was date night. I was all dressed up. I'd been looking forward to date night. I'd actually asked him, hey, let's go out. I really need time with you. And then shit hit the fan at work. So when you're in those circumstances, you go back to recognizing or reminding yourself on what you had decided as a partnership. And again, like, what was the goal you set for us as the Billyu clan? What was that goal? It was to build quest. It was to make it the biggest nutrition company in the world. And so when it came into conflict with what I wanted, which was date night, and then the situation where you had to go to work, it was like, okay, well, I know I can shift this. Date night can be moved. I'm not going to be dogmatic about it. This is a moment to show you I'm supportive and we're doing it together because of the goal we had set for ourselves as a couple.
- [47:36]
Tom Bilyeu
Nice. We have a question here, if you don't have one.
- [47:40]
Lisa Bilyeu
Oh, no, I do have one, but did you want to read it?
- [47:41]
Tom Bilyeu
No.
- [47:42]
Lisa Bilyeu
Go for it. Okay. This is from Abdi Hussain. How do you cope with one of you. With one of you away from home for some time due to business travel.
- [47:54]
Tom Bilyeu
I'm always the one traveling.
- [47:55]
Lisa Bilyeu
I just went on for so long. I thought you wanted to answer this. How do we deal with it? I mean, the truth is I kind of just acknowledge that when he's away on business, he needs to be all in. I don't want him to be distracted by what's going on at home. I don't want him to be distracted of how I'm feeling. If I'm feeling neglected because. Because I think he can perform at his best when he is laser focused on what he's doing. And that's my belief. And that's something. Obviously, I believe it. From the things that you've said, right. When you're laser focused, I see how much you shine. So I know as a partnership, as a team, I'm here to support the vision. And the vision is whatever this business trip is, that's part of the vision. So I am very, very much like, the opposite of needy. Would you. Wouldn't you say?
- [48:45]
Tom Bilyeu
Definitely.
- [48:46]
Lisa Bilyeu
Even to the point where, like, if he doesn't call me, like, I'll text him. So he does. When you do, like, your 10 hour Q&As, so no joke, he goes away, he does these speeches, and then afterwards he does about 10 hours of Q and A. I know he doesn't even have his phone on him. His phone. He probably doesn't even know where his phone is. So I'll text him. Not expecting a response. And then if I don't hear from you in a couple of hours, I'll text you again, baby. Just letting you know I love you, you. Because I know eventually when you finally do look at your phone, there are two options. You can look at your phone and get text messages from me that are just like, why aren't you texting me back? Hey, I just wanted to say good night. The babies miss you. Why aren't you? Right? That's gonna make you feel bad about yourself or not even bad about yourself, but, like, hang on a minute. I've just spent 10 hours busting my ass for a goal that we've both agreed on as a team, and now you're giving me shit. Like, I want to make sure that you don't ever feel like that. So when you go off and do that, I'm always sending, like, hearts, missing you love. You know that I think that you know, are you crushing it, baby? Because when he gets off that stage, when he finishes work, my ultimate goal is he knows I'm still there for him, rallying him on. So I'll go to bed without even
- [49:53]
Tom Bilyeu
speaking to him sometimes, not very often.
- [49:56]
Lisa Bilyeu
I mean, bless you, you do try. And you. You text me if you can, but there are times where I do, and I don't. I don't take that personally. I don't think of it as a reflection of how much he loves me. I don't think of it as reflection how much our relationship is meaningful to him versus me. Because if I'm thinking about him and he's not thinking about me. I don't think that that then outweighs how much we love each other or how much that outweighs how much we're committed to each other. So yeah, I think it's understanding your partner and what they need and then being able to be there for, for them.
- [50:28]
Tom Bilyeu
Nice. All right.
- [50:30]
Lisa Bilyeu
All right, so next question. This is from Miha Dafien.
- [50:35]
Tom Bilyeu
We're actually out of time.
- [50:36]
Lisa Bilyeu
No, that's wrong.
- [50:39]
Tom Bilyeu
Really?
- [50:39]
Lisa Bilyeu
You know, my time's always.
- [50:41]
Tom Bilyeu
That's so weird.
- [50:42]
Lisa Bilyeu
All right, so this is part of his personality. I'll tell him things eight to ten seconds.
- [50:46]
Tom Bilyeu
No, no, I knew it was off but like by two or three minutes.
- [50:48]
Lisa Bilyeu
No, it's ten minutes.
- [50:49]
Tom Bilyeu
Wow. Crazy.
- [50:50]
Lisa Bilyeu
Yeah. All right, this is from Miha Dafiniu. Butchered that name. What can I do if I'm obsessed with building up the right foundation and ecosystem for my business, which we all know takes a lot of time. And my partner has an upcoming healthcare career and has become and has more time due to the management of the corporation she is part of. I feel like entrepreneuring has weakened our 10 year old relationship. What do you suggest?
- [51:20]
Tom Bilyeu
It's going to be all about strategies. So you guys need to, if you feel like it's weakened it, it has weakened it. So now what are the things you guys need to do to make sure that you're connecting, that you're doing the things you value in the relationship? So the simple things, like things we've talked about here many times, eating breakfast together on the weekends, playing video games together, like doing things, watching shows or movies, things that we can do together that we value and that finding those, making time for those, making sure that you spend those times together. And then also like conceptualizing it so that when like even just the way that we talk about video games and playing together and doing something that's cooperative, that has a goal like that conceptualization of that is really important. And then, and this isn't the topic that I often talk about online like this, it's so weird. Sex. I'll just blurt that one out there. Why is he going, I'm so not squeamish about this in real life off camera. It's just the one thing on camera I don't like really jive talking about. But like you gotta have sex. Like you've gotta make sure that the relationship is physical and vibrant and in that like there's so much like neurochemistry at play. And so making sure that you make time for that is really important. So, yeah, conceptualize how you spend the time together so that it has meaning, that that meaning is said and expressed. Carving out very specific things you guys are going to do together and do them with frequency. Try as much as you can to stick to the timing of it all. And you talked a lot about today that. Don't be dogmatic about it, but make sure that you have timing around it so that you're actually doing it. Make it a part of your habit, Loop your routines, and then making sure that your relationship remains physical and exciting. I think that those are very, very important things. And that's how I would make sure that you rekindle that relationship. Because not putting that time and energy into doing that will. It will become so corrosive that the relationship will just literally die.
- [53:29]
Lisa Bilyeu
I like that exciting, that word, like, in your relationship. Because I think that it's easy when you first, like, meeting someone, getting to know them, like, you've got that excitement. But, you know, 10 years down the line, 15 years down the line, I don't know how many people actually think about, like, what is going to be exciting? What are we going to do today that excites us both. And maybe it's just as simple as asking that question, right? Like, sit down with your partner right now and say, what is exciting to you that we can do together? And then answer back and then figure out ways to actually do that because it's never going to happen by itself. Right. Sitting on. You know, I think a lot of people just accept, like, oh, well, we've been together for so long. Of course, what do you expect? We're just going to sit and watch tv, but nothing exciting is going to happen unless you ask the question and then take action on it. Like, that's the big thing. Like, we take action. Like, we really do sit down and say, like, what is. In fact, we do this every Saturday. What is your selfish desire for this weekend? We ask that question all the time. So, yeah, I just think it's really important. I love your advice. Okay, next question. This is from Delia Mokri. What do you do when money was down? How did you handle this?
- [54:43]
Tom Bilyeu
Separate bank accounts. That. I really think that was the magic formula. We don't necessarily agree on how to spend money much less so now. But back then, oh, it's very different.
- [54:55]
Lisa Bilyeu
I wanted to spend my money on ice cream. And you wanted to spend your money on video games.
- [54:59]
Tom Bilyeu
Basically, yeah. Or like, you'd want to watch a movie that I didn't care about. And so the thought of spending that money on something I didn't want to see. So we actually took turns. So it was like, okay, what movie do you want to watch? I don't really want to watch it, but we can. But it's coming off your tally. So knowing that I could see, save my money up and buy something I really wanted for myself, that. That was super, super critical. And then also, honestly, like, so I was the only one making money at the time. And I think a big part of why that worked was acknowledging that this is a 50, 50 relationship. And that just because I'm the one going to the traditional job and making the money, like, we're doing everything together as a couple. And this is like, this is. This is big. And lean in. And listen.
- [55:49]
Lisa Bilyeu
I was waiting for you to say lean in.
- [55:50]
Tom Bilyeu
Yeah, yeah, 100%. This is one of those, like, really important things that people, they don't force into their belief system, and it is biting you in the ass in a thousand subtle ways you don't even realize. So it was important to me that we had decided it wasn't like she couldn't get a job. We decided that I was going to be the one to work and she was going to stay home. Now, if you make that decision and you ever once go, yeah, but I'm the one that's going out and busting my ass, and this money is secretly mine, like, shame on you. Like, that is gonna undermine the other person's confidence, which is going to reflect back on you with them being annoyed with you and biting at you because you're making them feel badly about themselves. So you're triggering this insecurity, and then it comes out in the form of an attack. And you think, how could they be attacking me? This is crazy. Like, it's true. I'm the one making the money, but it's like, you're also the one making them feel insecure about it. So you're creating your own problem. And then when we started impact theory. So first of all, I long said that my wife has earned her half. So even if I came home and she was having an affair and I walked in and saw for myself, it's easy. You go to the divorce attorney and I say, give her half my shit, period. She's earned it. In fact, think of it another way. I'll walk in and say, just give me half of her shit. Like, done. Like, it's such a 50, 50 thing. And when we created the company, we had this beautiful moment where I could prove that those weren't just words. And on paper, I told the lawyers, I said, create the ultimate divorce nightmare. We are equal in every way, shape and form. We each have a board seat. There's only two people. That means that we could come to loggerheads. She gets 50% of the company, I get 50% of the company. That means, again, that we could come to loggerheads and that we're literally betting everything in the business on our ability to manage our relationship. Now, why would I do that? Because she actually said to me, go ahead, take 51% and I'll take 49.
- [57:40]
Lisa Bilyeu
And I really meant it.
- [57:41]
Tom Bilyeu
No, 100%. And it wasn't a test. And that's why this works. You weren't testing me. And I wanted you to know in no uncertain terms that, like, the relationship is the priority. So if the relationship gets fucked up, all my heart is already broken. Everything I care about is already gone. Like, the fact that the business now also has issues. Fuck it. Like, to be the person that I want to be. I'm not going to fight with you over the business anyway. Even if that meant that we had to shut it down. Like, just to be who I want to be. The way that I want to think about myself when I'm all by myself and there's nothing there but my own thoughts. Like, it's critical for me to have acted in accordance with the person that I want to be. So, like, you have those moments. So how do you deal with money? By understanding that you're coming to this equally. Like, let's say that we both worked and. And I made more money than you. You're saying back, at any point in our lives, I would want the exact same amount of spending money that you have.
- [58:35]
Lisa Bilyeu
Yeah.
- [58:36]
Tom Bilyeu
Period.
- [58:37]
Lisa Bilyeu
Yeah.
- [58:37]
Tom Bilyeu
Now, ironically, I would be willing to contribute more to the bills.
- [58:41]
Lisa Bilyeu
Yeah. That would have been weird for me,
- [58:42]
Tom Bilyeu
but we would figure it out because I really think that, like, there's obligations and then there's, like.
- [58:48]
Lisa Bilyeu
That seems so weird. I'd never do that.
- [58:49]
Tom Bilyeu
That's so interesting. And if we had time, I would debate this out. But mark my words, and I'm saying this with my wife sitting right next to me, and I'm so curious to know if you agree. And may God strike you dead if you lie.
- [59:01]
Lisa Bilyeu
Jesus.
- [59:02]
Tom Bilyeu
I would convince her because this is one of those areas, the psychological protection of the relationship. I have thought so much about that. Can we agree?
- [59:14]
Lisa Bilyeu
No. I don't know. Here's what I think.
- [59:17]
Tom Bilyeu
I'm. Gonna. Because the lightning is Coming. I'm just scooting over so I don't get struck. I don't want to be collateral damage as God strikes you down.
- [59:28]
Lisa Bilyeu
Here's the truth, though. If you were like, baby, it's important to me, of course, like, Jesus, I don't feel that strongly about it. If you want to contribute more than contribute more. Like, if it's that important to you, then.
- [59:40]
Tom Bilyeu
Okay, here's how I'd think of it. It's percentage of.
- [59:45]
Lisa Bilyeu
No, even that I wouldn't do.
- [59:46]
Tom Bilyeu
What was I going to say?
- [59:47]
Lisa Bilyeu
Percentage of how much you make.
- [59:49]
Tom Bilyeu
Yeah. Okay. So. Thought you had it wrong.
- [59:53]
Lisa Bilyeu
Because. So in going back to this finance, like, what we did is exactly what I would do now is I would take our money, I would put it together, because again, it. We are a unit. We are one. It is the Billew clan. We have a household, we have our puppies, and we are in it together. So take both of our salaries, put it together. All right? How much money do we have to spend on the bills? The bills.
- [60:16]
Tom Bilyeu
All right, let me ask another way. Would you live in a lesser place just to make sure that you could pay 50% of the bills? Let's say you made $120,000 a year and I made 5 million. Go ahead and answer the question, since this was your whole point, was you'd want to put in raw dollars the same.
- [60:39]
Lisa Bilyeu
So, no, I'm not saying raw dollars. I'm saying, take your salary, my salary, put it together and treat it as one.
- [60:46]
Tom Bilyeu
Then I would be contributing more, which was exactly what I said at the beginning, which is what you said you didn't agree to.
- [60:50]
Lisa Bilyeu
I thought you. Sorry, I misunderstood what you were saying. Then I misunderstood what he was saying. I thought you were saying, like, basically, you can keep more. I'm gonna put more money in. It's not like I have to say, like, oh, we have to be earning the same amount. Whatever you're bringing to the table and whatever I'm bringing to the table, you put them together, and it's 100% each call. So, yeah, I guess technically you would financially be contributing more. Yeah. But anyway, so going back to that. Yes. What we did is we put our money together. We said, these are the bills. Okay, that takes care of that. How much do we have left? All right, as a team, how much do we want to save for our Future? Is it 2%? Is it 5%? Like, what is that agreement that we want to put into our savings account that now goes for vacations present for our family, Things like That. So we put that aside and then we say how much do we equally want to take out and put in our own bank accounts? We don't really have separate bank accounts. It was more like we did then. No, it was me on paper doing it.
- [61:54]
Tom Bilyeu
I don't think that's true. You remember this better than I do. But wow.
- [61:57]
Lisa Bilyeu
I was taking care of it also. We had different accounts, but it wasn't what we had. Savings account, we had our checking account.
- [62:05]
Tom Bilyeu
Did we have separate accounts for our spending money?
- [62:09]
Lisa Bilyeu
We're really going to do round out. But yes, because you had an account with your mom. I don't want to get into that. But you don't remember anyway, I'm really boring the people at home now. We're going to lose people watching. So we took our money, we said, okay, this is how much we're spending on our bills, this is how much we're going to save. And now how much do we want to spend or keep for ourselves? So that way if it's, let's say even $5 a week, right? Let's say like when we were like at our worst financially. $5 for me, $5 for you. Now if you want to go and literally just burn it on candy, you can. Because I think for me at least, the worst thing was I don't ask for permission. I don't want to have to go to you every time that I'm spending money. Like if I want to save up all my money for two years and then buy a killer pair of shoes, I want to buy those pair of shoes. And I don't want to be in the shop having to call you asking for permission to buy. And because I was real about how that would have made me feel and that would have made me feel like I was coming to you with my hand out. And if we had agreed as a partnership that we're both equal, you're working hard at work, but I'm working hard at home. That I don't want to feel like what you're doing is more valuable. And so it was important that we put those together. And then we had that separation of personal funds.
- [63:26]
Tom Bilyeu
There it is.
- [63:27]
Lisa Bilyeu
So, alright, so that's what we have time for. That's a wrap. People just want to remind everybody to switch on notifications. We do have a couple of weird scheduling times for the next few weeks due to his schedule. And then also just letting everyone know we have some really fun killer Valentine stuff, Valentine's Day stuff coming up about power couples in relationships and yeah, so Stay tuned next week.
- [63:54]
Tom Bilyeu
There it is. Alright guys, thank you so much for joining us. If you haven't already, be sure to subscribe. And until next time my friends, be legendary. Take care buddy. Thank you so much for listening. And if this content is delivering value to you, please go to itunes, go to Stitcher Rate and review us. That helps us build this community and that is what we are all about right now. Building this community as big as we can to help as many people as we can deliver as much value as possible. And you guys rating and reviewing really helps with that. Alright guys, thank you again so much and until next time my friends, be legendary. Take care.
- [64:31]
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