← Tom Bilyeu's Impact Theory
Tom Bilyeu's Impact Theory
Unlock the Dark Side: Powerful Secrets for Success | Tom Bilyeu AMA (Replay)
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Join host Tom Bilyeu, serial entrepreneur and co founder of the billion dollar brand Quest Nutrition, on a journey to unlock your potential and realize your vision of success. Welcome to Impact Theory. Hey everybody. Welcome to another episode of ama. I'm your host, Tom Bilyeu, and we are going to be taking your questions. So drop them in. Let's get crazy. Let's get down to this bad boy. We're down a couple people today, so if there are any technical difficulties, bear with us. I will try to nonetheless dazzle with some amazing answers. All right, the first one comes via the Connect inbox, which, by the way, if you guys don't know, you can submit questions@connectpactheory.com so we look at every one of those bad boys. All right, I've been told over and over, even once by Tom, that until I change my identity, I won't change. How the heck do I change my identity? How? How does someone do that? All right, so this is a great one. And by the way, we're gonna be making a series of videos about things like this, which I'll consider are frequently asked questions. And identity is actually, it is very, very simple to change. It doesn't mean that it's easy, but it goes like this. First, it starts with identifying what it is exactly that you want to change and then turning that into a very simple statement. So I'm the type of person that. So if you know that you want to go to the gym, I'm the type of person that goes to the gym every day. Now, the key is that you're not just repeating it to yourself, but you're saying it to anybody. Else who will listen, especially people that are very integrated into your life that you care about. It matters to you what they think. That is going to trigger congruence. So once you say it to them, you're going to feel like an ass if you're not congruent with that and you're not actually doing it. So you're going to tell anybody and everybody who will listen what it is that you're going to be doing. So I'm the type of person that goes to the gym every day. I'm the type of person that is always in shape. I'm the type of person that reads every day, whatever that is. And by saying that, you're literally shaping your identity. Now, the reason that I start with identity instead of behavior is identity actually drives behavior. So if you want to actually go to the gym, then it's not about just creating a habit loop of like say, setting your gym clothes next to your bed or something like that, which also helps, by the way, because that is a habit loop trigger. But until you get your identity in the right place, it'll be all too easy to come up with excuses. I cannot tell you this is probably the one that I encounter the most because it's probably the thing I struggle with the most, which is absolutely hysterical. I do take some solace in the fact that our boy Marcus Aurelius, the famous stoic, struggled with getting out of bed, which is exactly what I struggle with. So I'm the type of person that gets out of bed in 10 minutes or less. And this full confession, probably at least twice a week, sometimes three times a week. I think no one will know if I miss my 10 minutes. No one will know. I could just keep saying I'm the type of person that. And no one would know. But the reality is that when you've told yourself that, when you've told other people that it really does become part of your identity. And so to actually feel like myself, I actually have to get out of bed. And it works. I'm shocked how well. But nonetheless, that's how you make it a part of your identity that can be something huge, it can be something little. But as you're forming your identity and building it brick by brick with these things of you're the type of person that it's pretty amazing how consistent you will become with that. All right, next one is from Lunatic Nick. Nice. This is from YouTube. What advice do you have for a 17 year old that wants to get into online business, parentheses passive income without getting educated in College or university. All right, there's two parts to this question. One, the notion of passive income. I think that is just a disastrous way to go about getting into something that isn't. Because there are certain things that you probably could set up and it'd be relatively passive income. But the struggle is guaranteed, the success is not. So now you're gonna be working your ass off to try and create passive income, which may never come to fruition. And so if it wasn't born out of a passion, I promise you're gonna lose of your life to something you don't care about. And this is one of the most important realizations that anyone can make, and that is to create anything in life. It is going to be hard. So if you know that it's going to be hard and that it's not guaranteed that you're going to be successful at it, then make sure that that thing that you're working your ass off to make is something that you care about in and of itself. And I think the really important question to ask yourself is, what would I do and love every day even if I were failing? Once you have the answer to that question, then you know what to go about. So largely, I think passive income is total bullshit. So let's start with that. And even things that you can get going for a while, the industry is going to change. Especially now in the world that we live in, it's going to change so rapidly, it's not going to stay passive for long. And this is how people get sucked into spending years and years of their life fighting basically just to keep their head above water. And since it was meant to be passive, they did something that they didn't really care about. And now they look back and six years later, they. They've just spent six years of their life doing something they really don't care about. So I would say better to make the demand that you do something that you love. Now, I know that the real part of your question is, does getting a college education matter? And the answer is absolutely not. So unless you're doing something that requires a degree like law or medicine or something like that, where literally they're not going to let you practice unless you have that degree, then college is optional. Now, I will say, even though it is wildly optional in filmmaking, I'm very glad that I went to film school. For me, at that time in my life, I needed a very structured environment that was very, very important to me. And because I was lazy, just to be full disclosure. So I knew without people around me, telling me this is due by this time, and that there was all this pressure for me to excel in a very formal environment I wouldn't have done as well. So that that was what I needed at that time in my life. Now, however, I know how to learn. I know the systematic steps I need to take to become world class at something. And so for me, I'd be slowed the down by school, and so I wouldn't go. So you've got to be able to make that differentiation in your life. Nobody can tell you that but you. And then I would run the math. How much debt am I going to walk away at the end of this with? So I walked away from college, if I remember right, with $25,000 in debt. Um, so it wasn't something to sneeze at, but it wasn't, you know, the $200,000 that like a doctor can walk away with. And there is no universe in which I would get a degree that put me $200,000 in debt. Literally none. Nothing. I would find a different job. I would say, hey, this is unfortunate. That's my passion. But I'm going to have to do something else. Like, you're just behind the eight ball in a way that I can't explain. So that's me. That's my choice. Obviously, people can do what they will, but under no fucking circumstance would I do that. Run the math. All right. Bendris Roudani from Facebook. How to be always positive. I don't advise being always positive, so I advise an 8020 split. I think 20% of the time you should be focused on some negative shit. People that hate you, the things that you fucked up in your life, like all the bad things to kick you in the ass to get you to look at your fallibility, which is also something that's incredibly important. People often ask how with my success, I stay humble. And the reality is I get slapped around by my inadequacy so often I'm not even trying to stay humble. It's just that's the reality. And so when you are willing to stare at your inadequacies, one, it is the only way to actually get better. There's a famous quote from Epictetus, the stoic philosopher. You cannot learn what you think you already know. So you've gotta be open to being changed. You've gotta be open to where you're wrong. Because once you recognize you don't know you're wrong, you're bad, you're underperforming, then you can actually get Good. So I think that that's really, really, really important. 80% of the time, though, you should be focused on positivity. And the way to do that is you get what you focus on. So if there are things in your life that are going well, stare at those things, fan those flames. Think about the things you're grateful for. Think about the things that you want to build. Think about the things you're willing to strive for and merely your willingness to really go after something you should be proud of, that you should feel good about that, so you're going to get what you focus on. So literally, if you want to be positive, focus on the positive. Also, there are these amazing physical entry points to things like this. So laughing, even when it's fake, smiling, even when you don't feel like it, watching a comedy, hanging out with a friend who puts a smile on your face. All of these things are ways that you can take control of your physiology. And that's something that I think that people miss out all the time. And by the way, it's if you're not working out and eating right, good fucking luck. So this, this is just the truth of human biology, boys and girls. The truth of human biology. If you want to have energy, if you want to feel positive, you have to work out. Like, I wish it weren't so. You have no idea how much I resent needing to work out. It pisses me off. It just does, because I don't enjoy it. But I so enjoy having a massive amount of energy. I being in a good mood, feeling good. And all of those things come from working out and eating right? And, dude, I want to sit around all day, never work out and eat junk food. That's what I want in the short term. But in the long term, I want to feel good and be positive. So those are things not to be ignored. All right, Dre Marina, Facebook. I've been referred to as a blank slate because of my lack of culture and experiences in life. I want to change that. How and where do I begin? All right, so first and foremost, everybody starts as a blank slate. They may just start writing on that slate earlier than the next person. But right now, the easiest way is start reading. And actually, this is a time where I'd say a blend of fiction and nonfiction is probably going to serve you best. And then travel, man, if you can travel and read whilst you travel, if you do that, like, those two things alone, I forget who said it, but somebody said, like, the thing that most effectively combats narrow mindedness might have been Mark Twain. And I am butchering the quote, but it's something like the thing that combats narrow mindedness the most effectively is travel. Like as you get out in the world and see how other people live, it is incredible how much more empathy you will have for people, how less you other them. Was it will I'm looking at you. Was it Mike Posner that was talking about that? Like, don't. It was don't other people. And I had to have him explain it because I actually didn't know what he meant. But that, that is really powerful, right? So you're walking by somebody and let's say they're in pain and need, whatever. The only way to walk by without helping them is to make them the other. Right? So if it was your mom who you don't see as the other, you see it as part of your in group and you would immediately assist her. But if it's somebody that you don't know, you can just turn a blind eye and other them. When you're traveling, when you're in a country with people, when you're seeing how they do it and you're just immersed in everything, it's pretty fascinating how rapidly like you feel connected. You have this empathy. You sort of take on like that country. Like when I think of all the places at least and I have traveled, like, I feel a sense of like connection and ownership of that because I've been there, I've experienced it. So those are tremendous ways. So if you can afford to travel, yay. Do that. If you can't read. Okay, next one comes from Dayton J. King on Facebook. How do you balance time with family and work? How many hours? All right, so this sounds like you want a really tactical answer. So here's how it goes for me. First of all, at the beginning of my career, I was all the fuck in on business, period. And I literally abused the relationship that I have with my wife is atrocious. My wife is amazing though, and was so supportive that she essentially held her breath for six years. Then at the six year point, she did put her foot down and say, okay, this is beginning to damage our relationship to the point where it's getting risky, so let's stop doing that. And then we implemented date night, which has shifted from Friday night to Saturday night and now has essentially become most of Saturday. I'll say about 80% of our Saturday is spent together. And then the other 20% is spent with selfish time, which even on a Saturday, a lot of times for me is going to be split between video games and work. So I only do work on the weekends that I enjoy, which isn't really part of the answer to your question, but that's a big thing for me. So doing that, making sure that you've got that time, but then also understanding if you're really ambitious like I am, that your ambition is. See if I can explain this. Well, my relationship with my wife is my highest priority, but the one thing she can't ever ask me to give up is my ambition. So from an hours perspective, I actually spend a lot more time on my ambition than I do on my relationship. That's just true. But over the years, my wife and I have realized that we really enjoy coming together on the ambition. So she was part of the founding team at Quest. We have founded Impact Theory as equal partners and she very much is an equal partner in the business. From a reality perspective of what she's doing, putting together, working on, and what we found is having a shared dream of the same thing that we're trying to build means even though, like right now she's off doing something else while I'm doing the Emma. But we have that same goal of what we're trying to build. So there's still a sense of connection as we're doing this. So that's been really, really helpful in our relationship. And the reality is that I'm not the right guy to take advice from. If you want balance. I don't believe in balance. I don't find it interesting from the perspective of what I want out of my life. I'm doing exactly what I want. So that's it. So from a raw hours perspective, Monday through Friday, if I'm awake, I'm either working or working out. So that means my wife and I spend essentially zero time together as husband and wife. And then on the. On Saturday specifically, It's about an 80, 20 split. 80% of the time with my wife, and then 20% of the time selfishly doing other things which primarily work. And then on Sunday it's a mix. So I usually do a pretty significant amount of work on Sunday, but I also make time for my sister who also lives in Los Angeles, and my wife, My sister and I have an amazing time hanging out. So. All right, enough on that. Next question is from Glass Eye. All right, then YouTube. Can you give us details on your note taking method while you read? Absolutely. So I keep. So everything I do is audible. So I'll be listening to the book at 3x, which 3x means three times the normal speed. So the Audible app actually lets you speed things up. As I'm going and I hear something that's interesting, one of, I'm either going to do one of two things. I'm either going to sort of take the notion and write the notion down, or I'm going to say, I want to memorize this quote. So and if I want to memorize the quote and I actually mark this down differently in my notes, anytime I put something in quotes, that means it is verbatim and I will sit there and pause and listen and dictate. Obviously, I slow it down. I don't do that at 3x and I get it word for word accurate. If I'm just doing the paraphrase, then I'll just pause it and really get the concept in my head and write it out. And sometimes I'll even add, like, my take on it. So the author said, you know, something like this, and this is what it makes me think of, right? And so then, like, I'm really wrapping my head around what that concept is. I take notes probably on about, realistically, like, 80% of the big notions in the book, but only, say, 15% of the, like, specific nitty gritty. So for the most part, like, I'm just in the zone with the book. And then once listening and I'm just going, going, going. And then once I realize, okay, this is like a thematic plan point. This is like something important that I can use in my life, I'm going to write it down. And I'm almost. I'm. I am entirely trying to assess what I can use in my life versus trying to write a book report, if that makes sense. So I have no interest in creating a summary of something that somebody else could read and feel like they read the book. If you read the notes, which, by the way, if you want the notes that I take, we actually publish the notes that I write on the books that I read. Go to impacttheory.com, sign up for the Knowledge trail. And the Knowledge trail is every book that I read in the notes that I have taken on that. And what you're going to see is it's me dissecting the book from its usability to me. So you may find that my notes are horrific because they are not Cliff Notes. This is not me trying to say, here's the book neatly packaged for you. I have thought, how am I going to use this in my life? And I've taken notes from that perspective. If you work in university maintenance, Grainger considers you an MVP because your playbook ensures your arena is always ready for tip off. And Grainger is your trusted partner, offering the products you need all in one place, from H VAC and plumbing supplies to lighting and more. And all delivered with plenty of time left on the clock. So your team always gets the win. Call 1-800-GRAINGER visit grainger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done. When you manage procurement for multiple facilities, every order matters. But when it's for a hospital system, they matter even more. Grainger gets it and knows there's no time for managing multiple suppliers and no room for shipping delays. That's why Grainger offers millions of products in fast, dependable delivery so you can keep your facility stocked, safe and running smoothly. Call 1-800-GRAINGER Click grainger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done. All right, next question. Niv Morgenstern, this is from Facebook. If you could build a university from scratch, how would you build it? What was in it? You know, something that I've thought very surfacely about recently. Jared and I discussed this in an episode of After Impact. I think it was the episode on Titus o'. Neal. Check that out. Thaddeus Bullard is his real name, but he's the WWE Superstar Titus o'. Neil. Check that out. And I think that ultimately the which first of all, I'm not the right person to answer this question, so let's start with that. But I would focus almost entirely on like, really base, fundamental things. So, for instance, how to build a belief system. I think it's just incredibly important, actually building that belief system so that it's reinforced immeasurably in the university. How to learn at just like a high level, like, what is the process of learning? And then problem solving. And problem solving is really going to be the big one, because the thing that holds most people back is they hit an obstacle and they stop and they just don't know how to think creatively and get around that problem. They don't have the tenacity, they haven't built the grit in order to go over, under, through, around, invent something entirely new, whatever it takes to get beyond that. And I think that that is very much a learnable skill. And I believe that I really am the composite of a bunch of learned things. I am not a born entrepreneur. I'm not a born filmmaker. These are all things that I've decided that I'm interested in, I've decided are important to me. I'VE cultivated a love and a passion for. It wasn't just like, oh, I sprang forth and these were the things that I wanted to do. And I believe that that's true of everybody. While I think people get early inclinations, why Genius Doesn't Matter is one of our episodes with just an incredibly brilliant person by the name of Taylor Wilson. Watch that episode for him. Talking about the thing that propelled him forward wasn't his intellect. He said his brother is actually much, much smarter than he is. But he had a passion. He's developed a passion for nuclear physics, of all things. So I believe that we cultivate those things in our life. And so the university would really be about cultivation, helping people actually develop those things. So that's it. I feel like there was one other thing I was going to mention. I'm now forgetting what it was. Yeah. So we'll move on. All right. Oh, I would use technology. So I think you have to gamify learning. And entrepreneurship is one of the ways to really gamify learning because you can actually do things. You can change the world, you can create jobs, you can generate money for yourself. You can generate the capital you need to build other things. Like, it is the ultimate gamification. It is fucking crazy. When I look at my life and I went from scrounging in the couch cushions to find enough change to put gas in my car to building impact theory, having the crazy Beverly Hills mansion, like it's crazy, it actually changes your life and what you're able to do. It's pretty phenomenal. And that really makes learning for me this very visceral thing of, whoa, if I learn this skill, then I can go do this thing. That's why I'm so obsessed with skill acquisition. It actually makes you capable of something that's super, super important. All right. Lauren Zapata on Facebook. Tom, I've always wondered, how do you monetize your business? All you do is share great content for free and you're still growing. How so here's the answer. We're. We monetize what we're doing now, but not like if, if we were counting on the monetization that we're doing now, this business is going to end in the next few years. So here's what Lisa and I did. So because we have the capital to self fund the business for a very long time without worrying about the need to make money, we can play a long term game. The long term game that we're playing is building studio. So we do make money off of this content. So like we're working on brand partnerships with the podcast. We get some advertising dollars off of the, the YouTube stuff. I get paid very well to speak, which by the way, if anybody wants to hire me as a speaker, that's very possible. Email connectpactheory.com so those are all like the short term revenue generator. So we have three phases of revenue. So phase one is what we call short term money. It's, you know, decent, but it's, it's certainly not going to allow us to grow the studio the way that we want to grow. And those are primarily the things that I just listed, also the merchandise. So like for instance, we make this shirt, we make a whole line of shirts that you can go buy right now on shop.impact theory.com we make revenue there as well. And our long term play is actually merchandising. But to get to the merchandising, we have to build the studio. The real merchandising, like the big, like where people don't know our brand. So you have to differentiate. The things that we sell right now in merchandising are because people know the brand, they love the brand. I've added value to their lives. And so they want something called self signaling where they remind themselves of their connection to the community, to the ideology, all of that. Ultimately though, what we're doing is we're going to be putting out, we're going to be making a studio. So think of Disney. So we're going to put out content like Disney. So we'll be doing comic books, we'll be doing TV shows, movies, so on and so forth. Now the idea there is to create ideology that resonates with people. And then the echo from that is the merchandise. So not only T shirts, stuffed toys, toys, bed sheets, lampshades, watches, like all of it, right? It literally is the Disney model. It's called the total merchandising strategy. And we're just in a very fortunate position where we can do what I think is the ultimate marketing vehicle, which is I'm going to add value to your guys's life relentlessly for years and years and years. And that will give you guys an affinity for the brand. So that when we create something, I say, hey guys, this is ours, please go check it out. If you love it, tell people you love it. If you hate it, then tell people you hate it. Like, I just want you to talk about it, I want you to share it with people, I want you to engage with it. And so that gives us power. I believe that community is the new currency. So. And I think that the, the only way, quite frankly, to really build a massive community is to add value for free. So I'm trying to add a crushing amount of value. That's part of the reason that I tour around and give talk. It's why I do the meetups, it's why I do what we call the endless Q and A, where I'll go somewhere, I'll speak, and then I'll stay for as long as it takes to answer every question that people have. And I've done that for up to 11 hours and I'm talking without even taking a break to pee. I stand there for 11 hours and answer questions because I want people to know I'm willing to suffer to help you make your dreams come true. And the reason that I'm doing that is I believe that's the surest way to build a big business that I can monetize the shit out of. And I want people to be very clear, this is not a charity, this is a for profit business. But I believe the world has changed. The world has changed, boys and girls. And the way to build a really big business is to first build a community or certainly in conjunction. But we're in a very fortunate position here. We have the capital to just really, really focus on content. But you're going to see we're going to be doing more and more monetizing as we go, pushing our merch harder. You'll see. Now any Instagram post that I do, if I'm wearing one of our shirts, I'll tag it. Hey, please, I want you to go buy it. And I believe in what we put out there. So I feel very good about selling it. And we're going to sell harder and harder and harder. The maybe one day I'll be able to figure out a way where I feel really good about selling information, but I don't. Right now it just feels like it should all be free. So that's why we're doing it. And we bring people into our ecosystem that way. So that's it. All right. Adam Dukes, this is on Facebook. How do you deal with self doubt? I love self doubt. I think it's fucking amazing if you keep it in check. So 20% of my time I actually spend in self doubt asking like, what am I really worried about? What am I worried that I'm not going to be able to pull off? I want to look at that. I don't want to pretend. I want to really know, like, where do I Think I'm weak. And then I'm going to look at that and I'm going to say, okay, how can I address this? Through real tactical skills. The key thing to overcoming self doubt is there's one thing you have to believe about yourself and that thing is in fact lean closer boys and girls, lean closer. Because this is the key to everything you have to believe. Humans are the ultimate adaptation machine. That we are wired for learning, growing, improvement. That there is a process in our brains called myelination. It's brain plasticity. And by doing something repetitively you will get better at it. That is the nature of being human. That is how we've become the apex predator. Nature makes a decision of every creature it creates. Option one, pre program everything. Think of a horse, it's born and it can run and jump immediately that day. Humans on the other hand, are wired for adaptability. Not knowing what situation you're going to be born into, being able to go anywhere and adapt, being able to learn any specialty and get good at that thing, you could go and become a pipe fitter, you could go and become a novelist, you can become anything you want. That's adaptability. Now once you accept that all humans have the ability to adapt, you don't have to believe that you're special or different. You simply have to believe you are a human and you can adapt. Awesome. Now all the self doubts about I'm not good enough, just slap on the word yet. I'm not good enough yet. I suck at this saying right now, but I could get better once I decide to allocate my mental resources, my energy, my time, my effort to that thing. I can get good at that. That is the only thing I believe about myself. But I just believe to the core of my existence that that is what humans are designed to do. Now it becomes how tenacious am I? And I'll ask you guys the same question. How tenacious are you? Do you have the willingness to bend over backwards, to break yourself in half, to bleed for the thing that you want to do? Can you fucking David Goggins it. Can you grind so hard that other people think you are literally out of your minds? And. And are you ready? Because this is the secret. Can you find a way to love that process? Can you love it as much as you love your significant other? Can you love it as much as you love cheesecake? Because I'm telling you, the reason that I've been able to do what I've been able to do is because I love that fucking process. And I have built into my ego a love of staring at my inadequacies, A love of knowing that I'm going to show up when other people don't. A love of wanting the ball and not being afraid to fail. Of falling on my face and knowing I will look, look at what it was that caused me to fall on my face. I will address it by acquiring a new skill. And because I love that process, that I actually get a neurochemical response, the kind of thing that people get from eating a bowl of ice cream. I've trained into myself to get out of looking at my failures, to get out of staring at my inadequacies, to get out of pushing myself long past pain, boredom, all of that. Those are some of my most joyful moments because I've built that into my system. Once you do that, you will become truly unstoppable. So self doubt will crumble in the face of that. All right, next is from Ike Branstad. Ike Branstad. There it is. YouTube. What would you recommend to someone who is trying to move on from past failures but other people don't seem to forget them? Fucking love them for that. Love them for the doubt. Love them for the fact that they are trying to hold you back. Because, oh my friends, once you understand the power of the dark side. I went and saw Star wars last night, the last Jedi. The reason this movie I am obsessed with, with Star wars is because they are honest about the fact that there is power and danger, but there is power in the dark side. I spend 20 of my time thinking about the people that want me to fail, thinking about the people that want to keep me in a box, thinking about the people who think they're better than me, that want to crush me down, that want to see me fail, that want to see me suffer. Now it's only 20%, but I spend 20 of my time there because I refuse to. I refuse to let people see me fail in the long run. I refuse to let people hold me down and I refuse to let other people define me. And you've got to get to the point where you know that that doubt, that anger, that hatred on their part is a gift. It is a gift because it's something to push back against and say what you will, have the chills, say what you will about the beauty where you should be spending 80% of your time. There is more acute meaning short periods of time, that short burst. There's more power in pushing back against somebody. There's more power in showing somebody proving them wrong. There's more power in that, in short bursts. I want to be very clear about that. Don't live there. It will become corrosive and destructive. But there is more power in short bursts of anger, rage, just, just fury than there is in the beauty. And when you understand how to capitalize on that, when you understand that if you can keep it in check and keep it to only 20% of your time, that that is a gift that someone has given you, then you'll propel yourself forward. If you work in university maintenance, Grainger considers you an MVP because your playbook ensures your arena is always ready for tip off. And Grainger is your trusted partner, offering the products you need all in one place, from H VAC and plumbing supplies to lighting and more. And all delivered with plenty of time left on the clock. So your team always gets the win. Call 1-800-GRAINGER visit grainger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done. All right, next question is from 87 Enough Bull. This is from YouTube. Tom I recognize I have unhealthy ways of validating my self love or self worth, which affects my relationships and people and business. What do you do to reprogram your unhealthy ways of validation to something more effective? So first of all, the fact you're asking the question that you have this level of self awareness is absolutely amazing. So what you're going to do is you're going to identify the ways in which you're doing it that are unhealthy. Actually write them down and then you're going to train yourself out of them. You're going to use the the way that we always change our behavior is by changing our identity. So I'm the type of person that so if you know you've got the negative ways so you're going to have to get rid of them. But the way that we get rid of things not by focusing on breaking down the old, it's by building the new. So instead of here are the things that I've done like that aren't good. Instead of doing those, what are the things you should be doing? So identify the ways that you can do it that's in a healthy way. And then it's I'm the type of person that whatever the healthy thing is you're going to do to overcome the negative thing that you've been doing. And I really need like more specifics on this question to give you a really powerful answer. Let me just come up with a couple things that you can do to really get healthy in the way that you validate yourself. So what you build your pride around matters your self esteem. So being a learner is just way, way powerful. It's gonna build humility into your system. Because a learner is always somebody willing to sit at somebody else's feet and learn from them no matter what. They. They aren't worried about the ways in which they're better. They're only worried about the ways in which they can learn from that person. It's incredibly powerful. So I'm the type of person that is a learner. I'm the type of person that is always willing to admit what they don't know, right? So being willing to admit when you're wrong, that's incred. Incredibly healthy and super powerful. And it makes other people feel so good. I'm the type of person that gives credit where credit's due. Right. One thing that I've tried to build into my soul is recognizing the way in which other people have helped me, that they propel me forward and somebody else is a good idea to really let the light shine on them and let them know, like, dude, you crushed it. This, this was your idea. Because part of what I run the risk of is I try to be the energy behind ideas. And if you don't acknowledge whose idea it was simply because everybody's getting behind your energy, it looks like you're trying to take credit for the idea. So making sure that you're just giving credit away. Now, here's the irony. When you give credit, people keep coming to you with great ideas and they want to give you their ideas because they know you'll become the energy. So anyway, those are just three ways that you can do things that are really, really healthy. We could probably identify more, but those are three that'll get you started that are just super empowering to other people, super empowering to yourself. It's a humility first attitude, belief system. So, yeah, get after it. All right, this name, the next name has the most slashes accent marks on it I've literally ever seen in my entire life. So I'm sure this isn't how you actually pronounce it, but ignoring the dashes, it's Rosa Jadzic. Yep, that's close. All right, this is from Facebook. How do I deal with hate? The more successful we are, the more hate we usually get. Do you find this to be accurate? Only sort of. So I think that that as you get bigger, hopefully the ratio of people that hate you to love you stays the Same. There's just more of them. So from a raw data perspective, it's the same percentage, but just a bigger number. So. And I just, like, really went hard on addressing how to deal with haters, which is to love it, recognize it as a gift, because it gives you the acute power to push back against something. And while it's not a great strategy for 80% of your time, it's an amazing strategy for. For 20% of your time. So that's how I deal with hate and understand, like, where it comes from. Right. People are doing that because they're insecure. They think they're losing. And literally, literally, even if it doesn't come from that place, it's not a place of insecurity. It's just a dumb strategy. So people that waste time putting negativity out of the world so crazy, like, those are units of energy that you could have spent building something, and instead you're trying to spend time tearing something down. That's so dumb. It's just a dumb strategy. So I don't even need you to believe that, oh, they're weak and it's insecurity and, oh, you should just be empathetic. Just recognize it's a dumb strategy. Like, you are literally wasting time putting negativity out into the world. And there's a great quote. This is not me as somebody else. I'm forgetting who said it now. But the way that we build the new is not by spending our energy tearing down the old. It's entirely focused on actually building the new thing. So if you want to make change, focus on the new. Don't worry about tearing down the old. People that are putting negativity are worried about tearing down the old instead of just outperforming. It's crazy. All right, Tanya Cox from YouTube. How do I move past guilt from hurting someone in the past? Whether it be business or personal life, go to that person and apologize. Own it. Just apologize. I don't think there's really any other way, like owning it and telling people that you're sorry. And then you've got to move past it because they may or may not forgive you. There's nothing you can do about that. And letting yourself get caught up in some cycle where they want to basically own you for the mistake that you made. Absolutely fucking not. But own it. Apologize and move on. I don't think there's any other way. And then just do amazing shit in your life, Things that make you proud. Look forward. Don't be trapped in the past. Keep moving Forward. All right, Jennifer Eckfield on Facebook. I look at everything as a teachable moment. Very wise. As a business owner and mentor to others, what has been one of the most profound things you have learned of late? I never quite understand, like, the timestamp on questions like this. So rather than tell you what I've learned of late, let me just give you some of the most important things that I've learned, period. As a business owner and mentor, probably the most important thing I've learned is not to try to be an apostle. Like, I'm not out there trying to change people's minds. So I have a belief system that has proven to me that it works, and I'm going to put that out in the world for anybody that wants to listen. I am not trying to convince people. I am not in the game of convincing. I am in the game very much of preaching to the choir. So I'm trying to build a bigger and bigger choir. And then once the choir is here, I want people to understand, like, hey, here's what I've learned. Take it, run with it. But I'm not trying to convince people that they need to do that. So that, to me, is just not. Not an effective strategy. I think you lose so much time to people that just aren't ready. Like, I just don't have the energy for that. And that did not used to be the case. I had a deep and fundamental belief that I could convince anyone of anything. And while that may be true, the amount of energy that it takes to convince some people is just spastic. So I don't spend. That just doesn't make sense. So preach to the choir. That's my advice. All right, next up, Kelsey Mayer from Facebook. For those of us working in social services, how do we guard our minds against the poverty mindset? I judge everything through the lens of effectiveness. And so if you can recognize, and it seems like by the question that you do recognize, if you can recognize that the poverty mindset doesn't make any sense, then I wouldn't adopt it. Also, if you're going to be spending that much time with people that exist in that mindset, then you need to counterbalance that by spending time with people who think big, who have the exact opposite, which we'll call the impact theory mindset. When you have people that have the impact theory mindset and just really have an empowering belief system and you're spending copious amounts of time with them, one, I think it's just going to re energize you to Go back and keep doing what you're doing. Which by the way, is a beautiful human service. Yeah, I think you need that. Like if I were a grief counselor or I was a person that I was just listening to a podcast guests. So we just did an episode with Mike Posner, I don't know if you guys know him, the musician, incredibly interesting guy. And he did on his podcast, which by the way is utterly fascinating, check it out, called what does this All Mean? Or what is this All About? That is he, he had a God, a chaplain that deals with people that are dying. And I just thought, whoa, if I were doing that, I would have to offset that with like amazing, beautiful things on the other end. I just couldn't exist entirely in that world. So, yeah, that's what I would do. I would use a counterbalance strategy of if you're going to be dealing with that mindset a lot, you need to also have on the other side be dealing with an empowering mindset. Okay, Gabby Lilly, this is from YouTube. How would you recommend gamifying? Changing mindset, Overcoming limiting beliefs, Changing negative triggers to positive triggers. Okay, so this is a thing that in life has the most natural gamification built in. So the one sort of non natural part is going to be self congratulatory behavior. So you've got to get to the point where you're really effective at self congratulating. I know how bad that sounds, but it's really effective. And so when you do something that's the behavior that you want, then you need to reward yourself. You need to feel good about that. You need, you need to really be proud of yourself in that moment. So you need to get good at that. The other thing is when you have that mindset, the reality is you're building that mindset so that you can acquire skills. And so you need to reward yourself for acquiring the skills because the skills are the thing that are going to have real world implications. So when I look at just how much my life has changed, and I talked about this earlier, I took myself from scrounging in my couch cushions to find enough change to put gas in my car to just being wealthy beyond my most fantastic imagination. So that is really, really critical to recognize is that skills have actual implication. And so being very smart about the skills that you acquire because they're going to allow you to do something, they're going to allow you to have impact, they're going to allow you to outperform, they're going to allow you to build things and those things that you're building. If there's something that you actually care about and get you the result that you want, they have real tangible consequences in your life. Like, it's. It is astonishing to me that people want to pretend like the government could hold them down or anything like that. The reality is, once you know how to dazzle your fellow human beings, you can get anything you want out of life. Life, period. Anything you want. If you can dazzle your fellow human beings, you can get anything you want. So let me tell you, if I found myself tomorrow in a country that were. That just stamped that out, made entrepreneurialism illegal, I would leave like, it's that simple. Unless I were imprisoned and even that my mind would immediately go to, how do I get out of this situation? In fact, go read the Long Walk to Freedom by Nelson Mandela, please, and hear how he thought about the process of being incarcerated and how he looked at. Do I escape? What do I do? How do I communicate to the outside world? How do I still have meaning? It's really, really incredible. There's always something that you can do to dazzle your fellow human beings, and the way that you do that is by getting really good at something. Get really good at something. I just cannot stress that enough. Like, your life should be about getting so good at something that matters to you that you can't be denied. Go acquire skills, my friends. All right, step in. I would just brutalize your last name so badly. I'm just gonna skip it. Step in. This is from Facebook. How do you become genuinely interested in people? Okay. How do you become genuinely interested in people? All right, so here's the process. There is something in your life that you already care about that you find interesting. So what you want to do is immediately get past the surface talk. How's the weather? All of that, and get right to that thing that you care about. So you're going to be a little bit selfish here, and you're going to take the conversation to something that you find interesting. Now, the wonderful thing about that, not only is it authentic because you're going somewhere that you find fascinating, it's actually going to make that person feel good because you're asking them questions. So the irony of all of this is the same thing that's gonna allow you to fall in love by going somewhere selfish, by asking that person what they know that you find interesting, they're going to realize, whoa, this person is interested in me. And so they're gonna light up around you. And so now, as you chase your selfish, authentic Desire to connect and find that common area of interest. They're going to be like, whoa, this person's exploring me now. You may not be able to connect with. With everyone. There may be things like some people just are. You can't find that common ground. Fine, Cool. Hey, you asked, you tried. Hopefully you phrase your questions in a way that are in and of themselves interesting. Like, when I meet somebody new, one of my favorite questions to lead off with because it's so aggressive, is to just say, what's your deepest passion in life? And people are always like, whoa. Like, you, Yay. I guess you're not much for small talking. Not at all. Like, I really want to know. And that, to me, is fascinating. Like, I'm fascinated by not something hyper specific. Like, what do you think about ornithology? It's, hey, what's your deepest passion? Now, I never know where they're going to go, but what people are just obsessed with what their deep passion is, even when their answer is nothing. I'm so interested in that. And by the way, that question, when people are like, I don't know, like, they immediately go to this really cool, like, place as a human where it's like, wow, nobody's ever asked me that. I haven't even thought about that. I'm not sure what I'm passionate about. And, like, you immediately take them to this fascinating place of, like, existential crisis, where now they're talking about something that's real, they're thinking about something that's real, and now you're sharing that moment. And if you're not a dickhead and you're really open to, like, being in that vulnerable place with them, it's so cool. So anyway, that's how really ask about things that you care about. That's the first thing. All right, Jesse Bailey from Facebook. Yo, Tom. What is one of your most impactful defining moments while you were on the climb to becoming successful? And what did you learn from it? All right, it's sadly rare that you really have an epiphany, but I had exactly one real epiphany on my way up, and that was that what I built my self esteem around mattered. And what happened was I so built my self esteem around being right, being smart, being good, talented. And I found myself in a position where people were just smarter than me. They were way ahead of me on their journey. They just knew more than me. And so I felt insecure or all the time. And so what I found myself doing was I was always trying to argue my Way to being right. If it was my idea, I would just fight for it, fight for it, fight for it. Even when I knew that it was the wrong answer in terms of moving me towards my goals. And one day just hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm arguing for an idea that's bad, even though I know it's moving me away from my goals, and I'm doing it just because it was my idea and I want to win the argument and feel good and smart. And so I thought, whoa, this is really dumb. Like, I'm either lying to myself about what what I really want, because what I tell people is I have this goal, which at the time was to get rid of, and I tell people I want to be rich, I'm going to be rich, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get rich. And yet here I am arguing for an idea that I know will move me away from that because I want to be right. So I was like, which is it? Which do I want? And by the way, I wasn't passing judgment on myself. I just wanted to know, like, for real, what do you want? Because if you want to feel good about yourself in and of this moment for being right, you're around the wrong people because they're too smart and they're much better than you. So immediately get out of this situation. Go be around people that know less than you so that you can feel smart. And if that's what you want to do, man, just go enjoy it. Or recognize that isn't what you want and what you really want is your goal. And now start acting in accordance with your goal. That was a massive breakthrough for me. And what I decided was I needed to feel good about myself and I wanted to go after my goals. So I needed to switch my self esteem around to something that would always move me towards my goals. So instead of valuing myself for being right or being smart, I decided to value myself for being a learner who was always willing to admit when he was wrong. That literally changed my life. And if you had to put a pin on the one thing that has really made me successful, that's it. All right, next question. Kalief Williams. Hey, Tom, how do you cope with anxiety? All right, anxiety is a very real condition. I'll call it a neurological condition. That's slightly misleading, but it's a physiological condition. How about that? So. So it can be described in terms of purely physiological condition. So. And this is important to understand so that you understand how I deal with it. So number one, Anxiety is you are stuck in the sympathetic nervous system, the fight, flight or freeze response. So your heart rate is elevated, your breathing is shallow, your, the blood in your brain has actually left the neocortex and it's going to the more primitive parts of your brain to deal with the fight or flight. So knowing all of that, you're literally primed to not be very effective. And so it gets in this self reinforcing loop, the more anxious you get, you get more anxious because you're actually performing worse. And so all of your worst nightmares are coming true. So your anxiety just continues to rise. Okay, so once I understood what was going on from a physiological condition, and by the way, I feel it very important to point out, I'm going to guess this is very much a hypothesis, but I'm going to guess that over the next five to 10 years it comes out with increasing fervor that anxiety is dramatically tied to the microbiome. Now 95% of your serotonin, which has to do with that feel good calm sense is stored in your gut. Now it's super fucking weird to me, but nonetheless is true. And if that's true and you have dysbiosis, which is a dysregulation of your microbiome, then my gut instinct is that the two are inextricably linked and that if your microbiome is totally messed up, that you're going to be more anxious. Now there is definitely a mindset, that component to this as well. And that's the part that we can address in a very acute manner. And it goes like this. You need to learn to diaphragm breathe. Diaphragm breathing is what's going to take you out of the sympathetic nervous system that fight or flight and move you into the parasympathetic nervous system. Because they exist in what's called a negative feedback loop. Meaning you can't be both in the sympathetic nervous system and the parasympathetic nervous system at the same time. It's basically a teeter totter. So as the sympathetic nervous system goes up, the parasympathetic nervous system nervous system goes down and vice versa. So the parasympathetic nervous system is known as rest and digest. It's where you're chilling out, your heart rate is slowing down, your breathing is nice deep, and from the diaphragm you get this calming sensation. You feel very relaxed. So literally the number one trick that I employ for getting out of an anxiety loop is a diaphragm breath. Now even Though I just did both in and out of my mouth. I actually typically do an in through my nose, diaphragm breath. Out through my mouth, diaphragm breath. It's super weird in meetings, but better that than anxiety. So I will do that and I will calm myself down and then I will go into whatever I'm doing. The other thing that I do is I try to laugh in my head, which, believe it or not, you can actually do. I try to laugh in my head so that I decrease my anxiety. Now, full disclosure, if you guys watch Impact Theory, literally, I have to do this almost every time during my intro. So I want you to imagine we're here at the house, we're on set, there's 25, sometimes 30 people. They're all staring at me. Lisa's just off camera and she says the exact same phrase every time. On your mark, Mr. Billy. Which now means the 30 people in the house. And then I know you guys. Some of these things get a million views on our own channel, on Facebook. Jesus. They get tens of millions. Some have had hundreds of millions of views. So there's a wee bit of pressure right at that moment. And so in that moment, I tried to laugh in my head to make sure that I'm keeping in that. That sort of joyful, playful place and not let the anxiety loop take over, which I can feel sometimes wants to kick in. In. And that's why there's. And man, just all about the full disclosure today. That's why there's certain verbal tics that I put in, because they actually. I don't know why, but I've so like, come to link them to relaxation. It's why I start. It's not even written, by the way. So my intros, I write so I don't have to fucking memorize. It's not written, but I say it every time. I go, all right, so as we transition out, so with this company and show, with this show and company, we want to introduce you to the people and ideas that will help you actually execute on your dreams, all right? If you fucking watch closely, I do a diaphragm breath on the word alright. And it just clicks me into this, like, really calm place. And then boom, I go. And so I've built all these, like, things in. In fact, one person wrote in one time, was like, would you please stop saying all right? And I was like, this is my fucking crutch. Like, leave a man alone. So, like, look, you find ways to get into the sympathetic nervous system, all right? That Was a very long answer, but hopefully highly tactical and will allow you to combat it because it's a pain in the ass. All right, next up, Hari Prasad. This one from YouTube. How can I build my skills to talk present more confidently? Practice, practice, practice, practice, practice, practice, practice. Will, am I hitting the point? Practice, like, you just do it and do it and do it and do it. You've got to, like, go so fucking hard. Like, guys, there's a great story from Tony Robbins. He said somebody came up to him and said, hey, Tony, I want to become as good at speaking as you. And Tony said, amazing. What are you doing to practice? And the guy said, I speak three times a week. And Tony was like, that's great. That's a good start. But I speak three times a day, seven days a week. And so now. And I forget the actual math, but he was like, I end up doing more in a month or in a week or something than you do in a year. It was like, crazy. And so that is the disparity between the greats and the goods is just a raw amount of practice. Like, how much you do it. Like, for instance, think about just since you've gotten into this community, think about how many hours I've spent talking. And I think about what I'm doing well, what I did poorly. I essentially review the tape afterwards, and I really go through, like, how could I have been better? What could I have done differently? And because I do so much of it, not only have I. Long before I stepped in front of the camera for the first time, I had put, but no bullshit. What If I maybe 30,000 hours of practice, then in front of the camera, then it's just hundreds and thousands more hours of practice, like, doing this and doing this and doing this. So that's the answer. Practice an absurd amount. Just an absolutely ridiculous amount every day. All right, next up, Lakisha Martin, Facebook. How do you gain authority to prove individuals wrong? Oh, Lakisha, I get a really bad. Don't worry about proving people wrong. Let's start with that. Like, being wrong is its own punishment. So don't worry about that. You do you. And here's the key. You're doing something that has a real outcome, right? Once it has a real outcome. And you get a thing like, let me tell you, I don't give a shit if people think, I know how to build a business. I don't care. I've built businesses. They've been very successful. I've totally transformed my life. It literally doesn't matter to Me, if people believe in it or not. Like, I can't think of anything less relevant to my life because either I know how to build a business and it's going to work or it's not. And what I care about isn't what people think. I care about the actual result. I can't tell you how often I'm telling the team here the, like, social content is like that I do as a give to you guys to build a very powerful community because of the thing that I'm actually trying to do, which is pull people out of the matrix. If. If shutting up was what I needed to do to build the Matrix, or to pull people out of the Matrix, if. If never again coming on camera, if shutting all my socials down was what I really believed I needed to do to pull more people out of the Matrix, then I would stop immediately. Like, I don't care about the path. I only care about the end result. If letting the world hate me and think I was the biggest dickhead in the world was what I needed to do to pull more people out of the Matrix, then that's what I would do. So I don't care about people being wrong. You shouldn't care about people being wrong. I think what you really care about is proving you right. And that's where it's like. Like, don't worry about that. Do your thing. You either are right or you're not. Go get the result, man. When you're focused entirely on that result, that's something you're passionate about, you believe about. It serves humanity. Oh, like all of that is just. The best revenge is unmitigated success, Period. The best revenge is unmitigated success. That's it. Focus on that. Go win. Don't worry about convincing them that they're wrong. Just don't. Don't spend even an ounce of time on it. All right? Manuel Aslan, this is from Facebook. What would you do if a goal scares the living out of you, almost cripples you, and you're not sure if this goal is honestly within reach? I would say, praise hallelujah. You found something that matters, man. So fear is all about stakes. It means there's really something going on that you care about, means you're playing on a big scale. And here's the thing. If you believe that the goal is not within reach, you won't even try to get there. So first and foremost, do something that you actually believe is in reach. Go after that hard. Prove to yourself, get that win. Then raise the bar. A little bit and go after that. I just today recorded Alexa content, which by the way, if you guys aren't already on that Alexa tip, man, if you've got Alexa, I'm doing daily, daily content on Alexa. Hit that up. Working my ass off on those. And I think they're great. They're super like bite sized nuggets. They're 90 seconds or less on Alexa. So go add me as an Alexa skill. Get that Tom Bilyeu skill, homies. And get after that Alexa. By the way, if you don't have it, put it on your Christmas list and then we can be together every day. It'll be amazing. And by the way, if you're on that and it's adding value, please go to Amazon, leave a review that helps more people find us. And we're growing by leaps and bounds on Alexa. It's pretty cool. All right, so, and I just talked about today how to find what that ceiling is, your ceiling of belief. And just a really easy way is to say who's a person right now, today that you think is a little bit ahead of you. But like on any given Sunday kind of thing, you've got a shot at beating them. Then identify the person that you think. They're probably about 10 years ahead of me, but man, if I really went all out for the next 10 years, I think I could outperform them and then find that person that you just think, man, I could never beat that person. Whether it's Elon Musk or Bill Gates, Sheryl Sandberg, like, whoever it is, that's your ceiling of belief. Now until you can break through that ceiling, you're never going to go that high. That's just true. Because you're never going to achieve something you don't believe is possible. Period. End of story. So once you identify that ceiling, you know, whatever you're going to do, it's going to be less than that. Now personally, I can't tolerate that. Like, I can't allow myself to believe that there is a ceiling. It's just part of my identity. But in doing that and identifying those people, like, I will tell you, like, there's some part of my brain that's like, ooh, could you really terraform Mars? Because that's what Elon Musk plans to do. And that's where it's like, whoa. I have to force myself to believe I could do something that big. And that, that is my gut check, man, because it would be all too easy for me to go, God, like, that's that's out of my reach. I, I literally, I want to throw up my mouth right now for even saying that as an example. So identify those places. You'll know where your ceiling of belief is. Once you identify the ceiling, then it's up to you to earn credibility with yourself in order to know that you could execute against that. But to start small, get wins every day that prove to yourself that you're going to stick through, that you're going to push, that you're going to do those things and then just each time that you hit a goal, raise the bar, raise the bar, raise the bar. This isn't about empty dreaming. It's about really identifying the path of execution that you're willing to go on sincerely and that you know you'll up end execute against that. All right, next up. And where are we at with time, William? 8:59. Whoa. So, wow, that's weird. I have some internal clock. All right then. Sorry, that'll be. What's that? Oh, last question. Look at you, Leandro Vidal on YouTube after everything you've learned thus far, what would you tell your 25 year old self if you could develop a growth mindset? I didn't really get that until I was 26. So all about about the growth mindset. You can do anything you set your mind to. You just gonna have to work your ass off. So attach the word yet to every failure or thing that you're inadequate at and you'll just propel yourself forward. So I believed that my talent and intelligence were fixed traits. I didn't think they were malleable. And that was just a catastrophic mistake that had held me back until that point. So that is definitely my advice. All right, guys, thank you so much for joining me today. I really appreciate it. And by the way, if this is adding value, if you believe in the things that I'm saying, if they're helping you in your Life, go to shop.impacttheory.com right now and self signal to yourself, get one of these amazing t shirts with this powerful ideology that we have that's meant to remind you of just the beliefs that you're going to need to propel you forward today. For me, it's all about this. Everything is my fault. Extreme ownership, baby. Owning it, taking responsibility. Not so you can beat yourself up over it because that is a total waste of time. So that you remember that you can make different choices and get a different outcome. You are always in control. All right, guys, thank you so much for joining me. If you haven't already be sure to subscribe and until next time my friends be legendary. Take care everybody. Thank you so much for listening. And if this content is delivering value to you, Please go to iTunes, go to Stitcher Rate and review us. 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