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Tom Bilyeu
Hey everybody. Welcome to another episode of Impact Theory. I am here today with David Rubenstein who is the co founder of Carlyle Group, which is one of the most successful firms ever in terms of private equity. Really pretty extraordinary tale. And the author of the new book how to Lead. David, welcome to the show.
David Rubenstein
My pleasure. Thank you for having me.
Tom Bilyeu
Absolutely. Man. I am super excited to talk to you about the idea of leadership, which is something that I think is not only important in business but just generally in life. If you had to put into a single sentence what leadership is, what its nature is, if you will, what would you say leadership is?
David Rubenstein
Generally it's the effort of one or more people to convince a larger group of people to follow them in doing something that the leaders think is a good thing for everybody to do. It could be social policy, it could be a political effort, it could be a business venture. But basically leaders are people who try to convince other people that it would be in everybody's best interest to follow the leaders views on what should be done.
Tom Bilyeu
And do you. So when I think about the military and their views around leadership, there's a sense of distributed leadership where anybody should be able and willing to step into that role when it makes sense for, you know, a dynamic situation as it unfolds. Do you view leadership like that? Should everybody be developing that skill or is this something that you know, hey, if you have a particular path in life you're trying to follow, it might be useful but otherwise you don't need to bother?
David Rubenstein
Well, there's seven and a half billion people on the face of the earth and in Some respects, almost everybody's a leader in some way. If you're a parent, you're a leader. You might be a leader of a Girl Scout troop, or you might be President of the United States. So everybody has probably some roles where they play as a leader. Is it good for everybody to want to be a leader? Well, I think leadership is good. If we had everybody being a follower, they have a lot of chaos. Now in the military, leadership is more complicated because those people who are leading in the military, they have people's lives at stake. If you're in combat and you're not doing a good job in the military as a combat leader, people can die. Not the same in other parts of life to some extent, but I do think that people who want to be leaders can develop and mature and improve their leadership skills. And that's part of what I wrote about how people became great leaders after some starts that were not so wonderful, some mistakes and some failures and things like that.
Tom Bilyeu
So in the book, you break down what are the sort of core tenets of or aspects of leadership? In the book, were they in order of importance?
David Rubenstein
No, they were not necessarily in the order of importance, but they were, you know, they were 13 that I kind of said thought were important, and just to review the examples of them. Luck is very important because you need some luck to get anywhere. I think you need to have some persistence. You need to have a focus on what you want to do. You need to know how to cooperate with other people, share the credit. You need to know how to communicate well with people, either orally or writing or some other method. You also need to, I think, be ethical. I think some humility helps a lot. Obviously, we know arrogant leaders and have succeeded, but generally, I think humility helps. Rising to the occasion when a crisis occurs is very important. So there are many different skill sets that I think are common with the people I interviewed.
Tom Bilyeu
So in the book, you start with luck just now you started with luck again, which feeds into your notion of being humble as well, which I know is one of the traits that you listed, and I think that's really powerful. But if you had to sor. Of rank order. So, for instance, one of them that you mentioned specifically in the book is hard work and long hours, which I resonate with very much. And I'm just sort of curious if you were to pick maybe the top three or four, what you think those are.
David Rubenstein
Well, look, nobody ever won a Nobel Prize working five days a week, nine to five, if you're going to do something Great. It takes a lot of time, and hard work is important. So there aren't people. There are not people sitting around, just get lucky. And all of a sudden the world goes to them and says, I want you to be our leader. It doesn't usually happen. Second, I think it is focus. You can't do 100 things and do them all well. You can do one thing extremely well, maybe two or three reasonably well, but focus on what you want to do. And then I think you've got to just be willing to overcome failure, because everybody's going to fail. And if you give up, if you fail and you don't persist in your idea, you're not going to be a leader. And those are things that are very, very important, which is to say, be persistent, focus on something. And again, you have to want to be a leader. You can't sit in your home and say, you know, I don't really want to be a leader. And all of a sudden people are going to say, you know, you're our leader. That doesn't usually happen.
Tom Bilyeu
Yeah. Your own story, I find to be really powerful when taking these principles and looking at what they look like in real life. So I first think I had known of the Carlile group, but to be honest, I didn't know who founded it. And I knew of you as an interviewer. And so when I found out that they were sort of one in the same, it was really kind of a thrilling moment. You have sort of a really fun personality. A really. Your delivery is dry, but your humor is really, really fun. And to catch you sort of at a later point in your life where I was old enough to be aware of you and what you were doing and then to sort of look back at how you had approached life and become successful. I'd love to talk about perseverance in your own life, what that journey was like. You know, some of the early. I don't know if you'd categorize them as failings in politics. Getting out of that, you know, not loving your time in law. Getting out of that and then really finding your footing. How did you conceptualize that journey? Did you think, I must persevere, and you sort of already had that, or were you just afraid of failure?
David Rubenstein
Well, it's. You know, when you look back at your life, when you're my age, I'm now 71, an age too young to run for president, United States, probably you can say, okay, this is how it worked out, and I can explain it. But when you're living your Life, you don't look at those things that way. So when you're living your life, you're kind of living it in the moment. And one thing didn't work, and I tried something else. Sometimes that worked, sometimes it didn't. And I got very, very lucky in my life. And then I tried to do many different things. And some of them, you know, I was happy to do and they worked out well. Some just were failed miserably. And, you know, that's life. And, you know, you just have to get used to it. But I think I attribute a lot of my success to luck and a lot of that to also coming from modest means. If you grow up in an extremely wealthy family, if your father is worth $10 billion, you might not have the drive to do the kind of things you need to do to win a Nobel Prize or a Pulitzer Prize or something else. If you grow up in a modest family, you know, if you're going to get anywhere in life, you got to do it on your own. And so when you're growing up and not a wealthy family, you might not think it's an advantage, but actually is a big advantage because you know if you're going to get anywhere, you've got to do it on your own. And when you get to do it on your own and you do succeed, people are going to say, well, you did it on your own, not because your father or your mother.
Tom Bilyeu
I'd love to push on that a little bit. So I've heard you in interviews talk about that before. And what is it about growing up wealthy that placates people? And what is it growing up? Because I don't. I mean, you've always said that one of the greatest things that ever happened to you was having two parents that loved you unconditionally. So you had that, which I'm sure would have been incredibly beautiful. So what was missing that made you so hungry? And then if money isn't the sort of end all be all, it doesn't deliver happiness. Why aren't people hungry when they have wealth?
David Rubenstein
Well, on that question, I think if you know that you are not going to starve or you're not going to be on the street because your father or mother is very wealthy, I don't think you have quite the drive. Now, obviously there are exceptions. There are people who are successful who come from wealthy families. But mega, mega wealthy families, the wealthiest families in the country, in any given country at any given time, generally they don't produce the superstars. So look at the people who are the most successful people today in our society in politics or business, athletics, whatever it might be. Usually they didn't come from a Forbes 400 family as a general rule of thumb. So in my own case, I came from modest means, as you, as you alluded to. My father wasn't a high school graduate or nor was my mother. Bill Gates is going to has three children. They all seem to be well adjusted and they all seem to be doing well. Whether they can produce the kind of great success that he produced, who knows? But if they do, people will say, well, sure, his father was Bill Gates. So my own case, I have three children. They're all extremely well educated in the best schools, Harvard, Duke, Stanford and so forth. But, you know, whatever they achieve, sometimes people will say, well, maybe it's because their father was helpful, your father was wealthy. Now, they wouldn't say, that's really fair, and maybe they're right, but there's no doubt that people will think that.
Tom Bilyeu
Do you think that deflates them? Because I would think, well, now they have something to push back on, to achieve at a level to show people I got out from under my dad's shadow. Why doesn't that drive them to do even more?
David Rubenstein
Well, I think it's complicated for a. Less complicated for a girl than a boy. I think if you're a man and you have a son, the son probably is going to be seen as more in the shadow of a very prominent father. I think it's a little bit different for daughters for lots of reasons I could explain. So maybe it's not quite as challenging. But, you know, of course, you've seen many times where famous men have children who say, or sons and daughters who I say, I don't want anything with a family business. I want to be on my own. I don't want anything to do with the family's wealth. And sometimes these people have nice lives. They generally don't change the world in quite the way that maybe the father, the mother did.
Tom Bilyeu
Did you think about when you were raising your kids? This is one of the reasons I don't have kids, by the way, was so growing up, my parents couldn't give me all the things that I wanted, but I always had food. My parents loved me to death. So I'm beyond fortunate with how I grew up. But there was something about not being able to have the things that I wanted to that really pushed me to achieve more than anybody in my family had achieved. And so when I generated wealth in my own life and thought about raising Kids that grew up in a family that would have been affluent. I really worried about having to artificially create an environment that was difficult for them in order for them to succeed. I wasn't sure that I had the fortitude, if I'm honest, to create hardships for them where I didn't need to. Did you think about that? Like, have you done things to sort of make it, quote, unquote, difficult on your kids?
David Rubenstein
Well, I wasn't quite as wealthy as I later became when I was having my children. I was reasonably wealthy by normal human standards, but not by the standards of today. So I tried very much to shield them from the wealth, but eventually they figured it out and, you know, they. You know, they kind of accepted it. They. I wasn't giving them gigantic trust funds or buying them lots of things that they really didn't need. So I think they got a good education, and that's probably the best you can do. But as you suggest, raising children is complicated, as you may have heard me say. Jackie Kennedy like to say that raising children is a complicated thing. And if you mess up raising your children, nothing else in life really matters. And it's true. Your ultimate legacy is not a building named after you or a scholarship named after you or. But it's your children in many ways. And so they're going to be around a lot longer than you are in most cases. And, you know, raising children is challenging for wealthy people, as we have seen many people. You live in California. Many people are very famous Hollywood types. They have famously had some, let's say, less successful children than they might have wanted in some cases because they have a lot of wealth and a lot of things that. That are not necessarily conducive to great success.
Tom Bilyeu
Out of curiosity, what are the things that are conducive to great success beyond money? Because you've talked very eloquently about, you know, billionaires being some of the most tortured people that you've met. What are those things that lead somebody to be quote, unquote, successful?
David Rubenstein
Well, in my view, success is happiness. The most elusive thing in life is personal happiness. Thomas Jefferson wrote about the pursuit of happiness. He never told us how to actually get it. But finding somebody that's happy with their life is really, really good. So if you ever meet a poor person and they are very happy with what they're doing, why should you say your life isn't successful? They're very happy with what they're doing. If you meet a very wealthy person and he or she is tortured with their Money and they don't know what to do with it. Their children hate them, everybody hates them. Is that person successful? I don't really think so. I think success comes about when you are happy because that's the point of life to some extent is being happy. That's why we're all here. I guess to some extent we want to make the life better for other people. But to some extent, if you are making life better for other people, you're going to be happy in my view.
Tom Bilyeu
How do you deal with the transient nature of happiness and do you distinguish between happiness and say, fulfillment?
David Rubenstein
Well, sure, happiness can be a momentary thing. In some cases you're happy that something happened, big success happened here, you did something, you got an award or something. Your children call you up and say they're proud of you if that ever happens. But fulfillment means that you're content. And contentment really is a more long lasting kind of thing. You know, to be fulfilled I think is being is something that can. Goes on for quite some time. Happiness can be more transitory. You're happy one day, you're unhappy the next day. But when you're fulfilled, I think it's a more long lasting and probably a better thing.
Tom Bilyeu
So how did you craft that message for your kids? One thing that it seems like you've really established yourself as in your career, somebody who's deeply persuasive, able to, like you said, a good leader, get people to go somewhere that's going to be good for them. How did you set your kids up for that? For pursuing happiness or fulfillment?
David Rubenstein
There was a famous book that was written called Presidential Power. And in it, it was written by a man named Richard Neustadt. And he said, look, president doesn't have that much power. He only has the power to persuade. And as I thought about it, that's what life is all about, persuading somebody to do something, go on your show, read your book, greeted with your theories. Life is all about persuading people. Even Albert Einstein couldn't come up with E equals MC squared. And everybody said, you're right. He had to go persuade people that he was correct about that. So persuasion is very important. So there are three ways to persuade and communicate. One, Orally, you're a good talker, you're Martin Luther King, you're Abraham Lincoln, a good writer, you're Mark Twain. You write very well. The most powerful way is by leading, by example, persuading by example. So with my kids, I was a hard worker and I tried to educate them about the Value of hard work. I read a lot. I tried to educate them about the value of reading, treating other people well, I tried to educate them. But children learn by seeing what their parents do. If your parents are doing certain things and they're telling kids to do the opposite, that's probably not going to work. So you have to kind of do what you're trying to get your kids to do and lead by example. Now, nobody's a perfect parent, and I'm certainly not, but trying to lead by example is probably what I tried to do, and to some extent it worked. And my kids are not perfect. I'm not perfect. And everybody has their flaws. But I think generally they're reasonably happy and generally they're reasonably successful by normal human standards at this stage in their life.
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Tom Bilyeu
I'm glad you brought up Lincoln. So Lincoln is somebody I've heard you talk a lot about, and if, if I misquote you, please let me know. But I'm. I'm almost certain I remember you saying that you consider Lincoln the greatest American, if not one of the great. Greatest, yeah, greatest. So what is it one for people that don't know you? Well, your. Your. The way that you leverage your understanding of history and bring it into context today I find really extraordinary. What is it about him that makes him the greatest American?
David Rubenstein
Well, the time that he was elected, he, of course, not that well known. He had never held any office other than two years. He was a congressman, any federal office except for a congressman for two years. The country was falling apart. Seven states seceded before he even took office, just after his election. And so the country was falling apart. He decided to keep the country together. Now, somebody else might have said, hey, you want to go to secede? The South? Go away. We take your slaves and you live that life. We don't want that here. He didn't say that. I said, I want to keep the country together. And he fought a war. We had 600 to 700,000 men and women die in that war. Very costly. But he kept the country together. And of course, in the process of trying to win the war, he freed the slaves through the Emancipation Proclamation, subsequently for the 13th Amendment. So he held the country together. And he did so with eloquence and enormous amount of humility. Had I met him, which I never did, I would have said, tell us, did you win the Civil War? And he would say, no, I didn't win it, the American people won it. In other words, he wouldn't have bragged about himself. I can't see him sitting down saying, hey, guess what I did today? I won the Civil War. I don't see him saying that. Very humble person. And I think that was really an admirable quality. And I think now, had there been no Civil War, Abraham Lincoln would probably not be sitting. A great president. You have to rise to the occasion. If FDR had been president for eight years and we never went into World War II, I suspect he wouldn't be seen as such a great president. You have to rise to the occasion when circumstances present it. And so if you're Abraham Lincoln, but nothing bad happens during your time as President, probably, you know, there's not much you have to do that really earns you a great credit as a great, great leader. That's why I think he was the greatest leader.
Tom Bilyeu
It's interesting. So I want to more understand. So one, why wouldn't it have been smarter to let the south secede, given how much loss of life there was? And, and trust me, I'm glad he held it together.
David Rubenstein
So this.
Tom Bilyeu
I don't have an agenda in that direction. I'm just curious as to why wasn't it the right answer just to be like, hey, go do your thing and, you know, we'll avoid the bloodshed.
David Rubenstein
Abraham Lincoln had a. I would say a fetish almost with the. With the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution. He just believed that they were the Holy Writ. And he therefore thought, look, this country was supposed to be one country. That's what the Declaration of Independence was about. That's what the Constitution's about. I'm not going to be the person allows it to fall apart. So I think he wanted to hold it together for that reason. He, as you probably know, he was not interested in freeing the slaves. In fact, in his initial inaugural address, he said, I support the 13th amendment. The 13th amendment at that time was something that James Buchanan, his predecessor, wanted to have become part of the Constitution. What did the 13th Amendment say? It said, slavery is the law of the land and shouldn't be changed. So Lincoln endorsed that in his initial inaugural address. Later, he realized that it really wasn't going to be helpful to continue to have slavery and still be able to win the war. He needed people to leave the south, slaves, and ultimately join the Union army, among other things. And the south and Southern slaves were also helping fuel the war machine. So that was another factor. Lincoln was not a, I'd say Lincoln was not an abolitionist during his lifetime, really. But he ultimately came to the conclusion it was the right thing to do. Though I should point out, he didn't think that blacks and whites could live together. He wanted to colonize them. That was a euphemism for you move into another country. And even when he was president, United States, even when he was doing the Emancipation Proclamation, he was talking to blacks about moving to, let's say, Panama or someplace else in Central America. He didn't think they could live together with whites.
Tom Bilyeu
You take a really unflinching look at history, which has made you one of the most interesting voices in this space. For me, you've, you've done what you call patriotic philanthropy. So you've gone in and helped update national monuments and things like that, Thomas Jefferson's ranch being one of them. And I know a big thing for you was to make sure that the, the signs of his, him being a slave owner were there and built up as well so that people didn't sort of begin to rewrite history. Why do you think that's important? Why don't we sort of whitewash this stuff, tell a better story about it that's more in line with values today?
David Rubenstein
Well, the theory of history is that if you study the past, it will help you in the future. As George Santayana, famous Harvard philosopher, said, those people that don't remember history are condemned to relive it. So the theory of civilization is you advance. It's kind of Darwinian. We're theoretically advancing as we move forward. Well, we're not going to advance if we don't know the mistakes of the past. So that's the general premise. Second, if I buy the Magna Carta and I put it on a computer slide and you can look at it, it's not going to have the same impact as if you go visit it. You see it in person, you have somebody telling you about it there. Most likely after you see it in person, you're going to go read about it. So by preserving buildings or preserving documents or books, you're likely to have more people see them in person. And because the human brain treats that differently than seeing on a computer slide, I think it's going to help people get educated about history. And if you've read some of the things I've said, it's amazing how little people know about our own history. And one of the examples I like to cite the most is this. When you want to be a citizen, you seem, you are a native born American. I don't Know, okay, native born, American. So you're automatically a citizen of this country. But if you're not native born and you want to be a citizen, as 800,000 people a year are becoming citizens, you have to take a citizenship test. There are 100 potential questions. You can study for them. You then go to the court and they ask you 10 of those hundred. You have to get six of them. Right. If you're 65 or older, they tell you the 10 questions in advance. 91% of the people that take that test pass. Great. The same test was given to, I think it was 41,000Americans in all 50 states. Native. They were native born. They were asked to pass the same test. And in 49 out of 50 states, the citizens couldn't. A majority couldn't pass it. These are questions like who was first president, United States, how many branches are in the federal government, and things like that. So we don't know much about history and civics. You can graduate from any college in the United States today without having to take an American history course. So people don't know much about our country's government. And it's sad, but that's the truth.
Tom Bilyeu
Yeah, that is crazy. I had never heard anybody quote that stat before. You also have some terrifying statistics around literacy in. In the US Which I am absolutely startled by. So when you think about America, when you think about sort of the state of where we are right now, again, I don't want to misquote you, so please, if I get this wrong, but I think I heard you say that you believe America is the greatest nation on earth. True? False.
David Rubenstein
Oh, absolutely. And I think most Americans would agree with that. In fact, I'm writing a book now about what it means to be an American.
Tom Bilyeu
Tell me more.
David Rubenstein
Okay, so I have a couple qualities, I think, when I say these are genes of being an American. What are the American genes? Now? Every country, by definition, every country's citizens think it's the best country because they don't leave. You know, for example, less than 5% of the people on the face of the earth are living in a country that they weren't born in. Whoa. So, yes, hard to believe. So think about this right now. What would you say is the most important thing about being an American? Well, there's many different things. Right to free speech, the right to freedom of religion, separation of powers in our government, things like that. Well, in my book, I'm talking about these, what I call the genes of American DNA. But I had a survey done by the Harris Research organization. They asked Americans what they thought is the most important thing about being an American. And interestingly, the thing that just came back in the survey, it'll be in the book, is that the Americans think that the most important quality of being an American is the right to free speech. Now, I think that's a very important quality. I'm not sure I would have said it number one, but certainly in the top 10. But that's what people really value about our country. And then clearly, Americans, you know, we have 800,000 people a year coming to the United States to live. How many people do you think are leaving the United States a year to go somewhere else? You know, maybe a few thousand, probably for tax purposes. That's the main reason. So people think it is the best country, and I think it's the best country. But there's no doubt that the country with the highest happiness quotient is not the United States. It's probably Denmark or Finland or something like that. So obviously, small countries that have other appeals. But if you're talking about a big country, I think there's nothing comparable to the United States.
Tom Bilyeu
Oh, man. So we got to go. We got to go a little deeper on that. You've been all over the place. All over the place. And if people know your history, raising money all over the world, really sort of inventing that model, very extraordinary. So for you to look back with the breadth of travel that you've done and still make that statement, I'm super curious. So if we're not scoring as high on the sort of happiness quotient as somewhere like maybe Denmark, and you say that success really is happiness, what is it that we have here as a country? And it sounds like part of it's just scale that we're able to, you know, what we're doing goes bigger. And I'm asking all of this in the context of. I think we're living through a time right now where some percentage. I don't know what percentage, some. Some percentage are not sure that America is a great country, full stop. And I. I do. It's given me so much, and I feel such a deep sense of obligation to make sure that, you know, people have those opportunities. And I'm. I would love to see if you can articulate it in a way that I'm not sure that I could, how that DNA is serving Americans.
David Rubenstein
Well, the DNA is serving America. And if you are probably like you or me, white, reasonably well educated, reasonably prosperous, and so forth, but the reason that people in Denmark are probably happier overall or Finland than the United States is. They don't have an economic underclass the way we do. So in our country, we have a very large percentage of the population that is, let's say, illiterate, a large percentage of people who are in jail, higher than any percentage in any other country in the world. We have a large percentage of people that have given up on their ability to rise from the bottom, and social mobility is not available to them. And, of course, income inequality is greater here than at any time it's ever been in our country's history, probably even greater than the Great Depression now. So a lot of people are not that happy with this country. They're not leaving the country because they do believe probably in the American dream that maybe they'll rise up. But for some people at the bottom, they think the chance of rising up is just not realistic. But they don't have a chance to leave the country either. So the country has a lot of great things. We have. We influence the world, as you suggest. I travel around the world a lot when I go anywhere. People want to know what's going on in the United States, because our culture has affected the culture of the world. Our technology, our politics, our government, our military really is influential all over the world. So people want to know about this country. And it's an extraordinary country, but it has its flaws, as we all know. And our job is try to fix the flaws if we can.
Tom Bilyeu
Okay, so I definitely want to get to the flaws that are fixable. But first, you said that in the poll, people said that the thing they most valued about America was freedom of speech. But you didn't think you would put that as number one. What would you put as number one?
David Rubenstein
Well, the things I think are the two most important ones are freedom and equality. Now, the Founding Fathers said, and Thomas Jefferson, in effect, said that's what the country's all about. When he wrote that famous sentence in the Declaration of Independence saying that all men are created equal, he was a slave owner. And he really meant all white men who are Christian are equal, are equal if they have some money. But he didn't quite say it that way. So we've taken that creed, something he didn't really mean. And we've made it the country's creed. And it's a goal we live to. And I think many people have grown up thinking, yes, we should have equal opportunity for everybody, equal rights for everybody. We do not. We haven't achieved that. But that, I think, is what is the most important concept of America, equality, and then freedom to do what you want. It can be freedom of speech, freedom of religion, freedom to pursue what career you want. I think those two are the essence of what the country is mostly the backbone of which there are other things like separation of powers and other important things in our country's history and the way it works. You know, elections, voting, making your vote be meaningful, those kind of things. But I would say freedom of speech is amazingly, what people really, really think is the highest and most important quality of our country.
Tom Bilyeu
So when you think about a promise was made with the Declaration of Independence, and I'm curious, so I've never thought this thought before. So this may be totally ridic. Ridiculous, and I certainly don't have your understanding of history. But as somebody who writes a lot, one thing I know is when you go to write something, oftentimes part of the reason I'm sure he left out the detail is it wouldn't have the sort of poetic impact that he wanted it to have. And I do. When I look at sort of the founding documents that this country is based on and how, in my estimation, no question there are flaws, but in my estimation, like we have continued a march towards making things better, making things more equal, allowing more and more people to rise up, that there's. There was DNA implanted, whether intentionally or unintentionally, that opened the door to us sort of making good on that initial promise. Do you think that there's. There's two questions here. One, the one I was going to ask may not be as interesting, but I'll just say it out loud. Do you think that Thomas Jefferson, in trying to get the poetry of it right, realized he needed a grander vision to capture the human spirit and that that was why he wrote it the way that he wrote it? And we obviously see the knock on effect and then. Well, we'll stop.
David Rubenstein
Let me answer that. Yeah. Thomas Jefferson was 33 years old. His wife was very ill. He didn't want to be at the second Continental Congress. He wanted to be back in Virginia where he thought more important things were getting done. And also he could tend to his wife. But he agreed to stay for a while. They gave him the assignment. They gave him 17 days to write up some propaganda statement about why we're going to break away from England. Like most people, he took the last three days, and the first 14 days, he was busy. So with three days to go, he's writing in his little rented house there with two slaves with him. And he didn't have Any books with him, really. And he just kind of wrote it from memory and what he believed was the common sense, so he didn't have footnotes and all kinds of other things. After he submitted it to people and the Congress voted on it, they made 60 changes. He said they mutilated it. In fact, he was so upset for eight or nine years, he wouldn't tell people that he actually wrote it because he was embarrassed the way it was written. But it turns out that the preamble, which was ignored at the time, became the most famous sentence in the English language. We hold these truths to be self evident that all men are created equal. That became the most famous sentence in the English language. And at the time, nobody paid attention to it because it was the preamble to the key, the part they really wanted to talk about, which is the sins of King George. Later, it became the creed of our country because people increasingly said, all men are created equal. Well, maybe we mean all men and all women. Maybe we mean all white men and all white women and all black men and all black women. So it got to be expanded. And maybe it also meant people have freedom so that you have freedom for people who are gay, lesbian, Jewish, whatever, Catholic, whatever. Everybody has certain freedom. So it kind of evolved and, you know, it just, you know, it became something that he was synonymous with. And when he died, he said on his tombstone that's what he really wanted as first the author of the Declaration of Independence. Well, I don't know that he intended it to be as famous as it became. And in fact, John Adams hated the fact it became so famous because John Adams thought we. He was the person who was most responsible for the Revolutionary War declaration. And he wanted July 2, when that was voted on, to be the day we celebrate. But then we voted on, we celebrate July 4th. Why is that? Well, one year after July 2nd, in 1777, they were going to celebrate, but they Forgot it was July 7, so they didn't get around to it. The third, they said, we're organizing on the 4th. So when the 4th became the day they celebrate, it was synonymous with the Declaration of Independence, which was approved that day and not the July 2 thing. And that's why Adams and Jefferson didn't get along that well, because they fought over what was more important. That's July 2nd resolution or the July 4th declaration.
Tom Bilyeu
That, yeah, when you put it into the context where you can feel real humans behind the scenes doing this stuff, it becomes, I think, far more interesting. So country has flaws. How do we go about Fixing those? And is that like, do you see each of us needing to play a role? And if so, like, how do you see you as but one example of how a person can contribute? How do you see yourself contributing to that?
David Rubenstein
Our country actually moves forward reasonably well by listening to people, because we have enormous amounts of public opinion polling, we have voting, we have social media. So I do think you can influence people in Congress and influence governors and state legislators. I think you can, but it takes persistence. You can't just write one letter to the op ed page and think that's going to solve problems. You got to really be persistent. And those people that have persisted have succeeded. For example, when our country was created, the idea that women could own property was considered ridiculous. That they could vote or be in government was even more ridiculous. So the Seneca falls Convention of 1848 kind of began the effort to get women the right to vote. 1848. And then it wasn't until 1919 that we really got the right women to vote. So it took a long time. And anything that's heroic does take a long time to do, and no one person could do it. But I do think that the government is willing to listen. It just takes time. And now, increasingly, it takes some money.
Tom Bilyeu
This idea that it takes more than one person, that you need a team. One of the things that Abraham Lincoln was so famous for, and I have been very inspired by this as a business leader, is the idea of a team of rivals. What was that? How did he use that? And do you think that kind of thing is important?
David Rubenstein
Let me explain. For those who may not be that familiar with it, There have been more books written about Abraham Lincoln than any other American by far. And so when Doris Kearns Goodwin decided to write another book about Abraham Lincoln, people rolled their eyes. And she rolled her eyes too. What can I do that's going to be so unique? So finally, she told Steven Spielberg she was writing this book about Abraham Lincoln. She didn't know what it was going to be. He said, I want to do a movie about Abraham Lincoln. He optioned the movie. The book was finished 10 years later. Whoa, 10 years later. And actually, the movie Lincoln that Spielberg did is only about five pages of the book. It's only about the 13th Amendment passage in the House. But the book is obviously more comprehensive. But as she was reading the book and doing the research, she realized, wait a second, Lincoln was considered not very smart, an oaf, you know, illiterate in some ways, and not a very well educated person, let's say, by the people that were going to be the nominee supposedly for the Republican Party in 1860, they were much more prominent people, but they looked down on him. They just didn't treat him very well. They thought he was funny looking and so forth. Ultimately, when he got the nomination, was elected president, he put these people in the cabinet. So we had the security to say, even though you think I'm not that smart or not that good looking or not that well educated, I want you to be my advisor. In the end, these people became his greatest friends. Now, you need a lot of security to do that. You can't be insecure. If you're insecure, you surround yourself with people that are not that good, and great people surround themselves with people that are smarter than them. And that's what he did.
Tom Bilyeu
Yeah, that concept. So the way that it's played out in my business life is what I always tell people. I want everyone to challenge my ideas if they think they have something to offer and not to give me any deference for being the CEO. And my thing is, if it's a good idea, it can withstand criticism. And if it's a bad idea, then that won't be able to withstand criticism, which is why people wouldn't want it. And I certainly would want to know if I have a weak idea, how did he keep that from turning into chaos?
David Rubenstein
Well, in the case of Lincoln, Lincoln listened to people, though I say in the Emancipation Proclamation, his advisors really didn't think that was such a great idea. So sometimes you have to be a leader and say, I'm going to persist and you have to kind of support me if you can. If you can't, I understand, but I have to go ahead and do certain things. In the business world, it's true as well. In the business world, if you wait for consensus, you'll never get done. If Steve Jobs had waited for consensus on the personal computer, he would have now got nothing. If Mark Zuckerberg. I heard about the idea when Mark was in college, and I said, that company's going nowhere. Who cares about a company like Facebook? When Jeff Bezos was doing his company, I didn't think it was going to get very far. I had some stock at the beginning. I sold it right away when he went public. So I just think that you have to have the willingness to persist against the conventional wisdom.
Tom Bilyeu
So when you think about leaders and having the three different types of persuasion that you talked about earlier, how does one cultivate that? How can we recapture that spirit now? I feel like what we need is that sort of galvanizing spirit, something, a bold thought like going to the moon or whatever, that we can rally around?
David Rubenstein
Yes. Well, look, I think a president like Biden, you know, maybe he can come up with something that galvanizes us. Clearly, if you have a 911 event that tends to galvanize the country. The moon launch tended to galvanize the country around that effort. The civil rights legislation tended to galvanize the country. You need something like that. I think you probably have to have a figure who's a leader, who is seen as selfless, who is seen as promoting the country, not himself. That would probably be helpful.
Tom Bilyeu
Is there something that we can focus our attention, our energies on that would galvanize us? Is there anything that we could move towards positively, or is this one of those where the world's going to hand you what it hands you and you just have to be prepared to make the most of it?
David Rubenstein
Well, things sometimes happen by serendipity, and you can't anticipate a 911 event or things. But clearly climate change has galvanized younger people, maybe more than older people, and younger people are more concerned about it, maybe because they're going to be lived longer. But I think that's something that really has galvanized people. The problem with it is it's hard to see progress because you can't really see the carbon in the atmosphere. And one of the challenges with climate change is that it may take decades before you actually see any real progress. That's why all the goals are we're going to do something by the year 2050. Well, I'll be 101 years old and I'm not as focused on. On things, but I'm 101 if I live that long. So you need something that I think is different as a way to kind of show progress in a shorter period of time. So climate change is one thing, but I think, you know, other kinds of things could be done as well.
Tom Bilyeu
What's the power of reading for you? So I know that you aim to read 100 books a year. When you were a kid, you were reading 12 books a week, which is pure insanity.
David Rubenstein
These are little children's books. They weren't warranties. But reading, I came from modest circumstances. And therefore, how do you learn the New World? How do you learn what's out there? Well, reading and so reading opened vistas for me. And I just found that by reading a lot, I could be informed about things. I could be a better person and just something I enjoy. So It's a great pleasure for me to read books. And I just, you know, the trick of it is I'm reading books of things I know reasonably well. I'm reading history, politics, business, things like that. And so it's not that complicated. If I had to read a physics textbook or a chemistry textbook, it would take me, you know, a century to get through it.
Tom Bilyeu
Now, talk to me about that idea of specializing, of finding something that's your niche. I know it seems to have played itself out pretty perfectly in the founding of Carlyle. What is that? Should we not be trying to be sort of the best at everything?
David Rubenstein
Well, I don't think anybody can be. Look, I tell people, focus. The way an organization works is you get to be known in an organization for having one skill and whatever it might be. In Carlisle's case, I was not an mba, and I didn't know how to really invest when I started it. So I figured out, what can I do that would help the firm? Well, I would go do the fundraising. Nobody else wanted to run around the world begging for money. So I did that, and I kind of mastered that craft. Once you master something, people say, well, person A is very good in skill A. Maybe person A can do skill B. And you give people a little opportunity to do something else. Then gradually you do two or three or four more things and you get skill sets that are transferable. So today I am doing lots of different things, and I'm not as focused as I was 20 years ago, but now I have developed skills in talking or writing or other things that I can use. And so while I'm not as great in one thing as I would like to be, I'm doing many different things, and in part because at my age, if I don't do them now, when am I going to do them? So I'm trying to do, you know, everything before I'm, you know, as I say, I'm rushing to the finish line. I want to get stuff done before the time falls apart, when I can't do this stuff. So my job is to stay alive as long as I can with my brain and my body reasonably intact.
Tom Bilyeu
And is that passion you. I don't remember you actually using the word passion, but you talk a lot about if you want to be great at something, it's going to have to be something that you really love, that you enjoy doing. Is that what keeps you. Because you're quite energetic?
David Rubenstein
Well, today, because I have a fair amount of money, by normal human standards, not Bill Gates standards, I can do anything or I can do nothing. And so I'm only doing things that I really love doing. And so it's great pleasure, except that I only have a limited amount of time in a day, so I can't do everything. As you age, you can't probably do as much as you did when you were younger. So I'm only doing things I love, but I love doing many things. Interviewing, writing, talking and so forth. If you hate what you're doing, you'll never be successful. Nobody, as I've said before, has ever won a Nobel Prize hating what they do.
Tom Bilyeu
And do you think you stumble into what you love? Is it a process? Can you create that love and passion for something?
David Rubenstein
I don't think you can call up McKinsey or Bain or BCG and say, tell me what I love and I'm going to go do that. No, find something I'm going to love and let me know what it is. You have to do it on your. Based on your life and your experiences, your expectation, your skill set. So it's just different than for everybody. You have a different set of experiences. So I happen to like reading. I happen to like talking to people. So I kind of said, maybe I can do some interviewing. I'll read people's books, I'll interview them about their books, and that kind of worked out. Or I like, just, you know, I'm interested in learning about people's lives. So I do interviews about famous leaders and things like that. It just kind of worked out and things evolved and sometimes things don't work out. I tried some things in the investment area that didn't work out as well as I would have liked. But, you know, you try and some things work, some things don't.
Tom Bilyeu
Now, in the book how to Lead, you interview some of the world's most extraordinary business leaders, leaders really, from many different walks of life. What were some things that surprised you? You opened the book by saying, hey, Here are my 13 traits of a leader. This is basically what you're going to hear over and over from the different leaders I'm going to interview. But I have to imagine every now and then somebody caught you by surprise with something.
David Rubenstein
Something people are most animated at, that talking about is their childhood and their young life and what mistakes they made, what hardships they overcame because they realize they're successful people. But they. It gives a certain sense of humility if you say, look, I was terrible at this, but look, I got better in life, or I stumbled here, but look, I overcame it. So people like Talking about their failures. Some people are, you know, willing to just admit that they weren't perfect in other things. Now, there are arrogant people that will never admit they ever made a mistake. But those aren't generally the people I'm interviewing.
Tom Bilyeu
So when you think about your youth and you think about the mistakes you make, some of what comes into that is framing it, how you think about failure. And you talk about that as one of the important things that a leader has to be able to do. How in your life have you talked to yourself about what failure means?
David Rubenstein
Well, I failed at lots of things. And so you just have to. You say to yourself, okay, does the whole world know I failed? Or just, I know I failed. And then if the whole world knows, it's a little more embarrassing if you know, then maybe you don't run around telling everybody how much you fail. And then you realize sometimes you fail because you made a mistake, or sometimes you don't have the ability that you wanted to have, or sometimes here has some bad luck. But everybody has failed at something in life. And if you say you haven't failed at something, you're not being honest. Everybody's failed at something.
Tom Bilyeu
Now, do you think that we, as the adage goes, learn more from failure than we do from success?
David Rubenstein
There's a. There's a reason why that adage has been around for a long time. I think it's true. I, you know, if you're successful, you think, this is great, and I don't have to learn anything from it. But you learn a lot from your mistakes. And I've learned a lot more from my mistakes than the things that I did that worked out. Though the things that I have done that have worked out, I've improved them. So when I started doing interviewing, I don't think I was such a great interviewer in the first interview. And it takes a while. I make a lot of speeches these days. I wasn't such a great speaker when I first started. So I've learned. I improved. You improve if you do something long enough and you apply yourself to it.
Tom Bilyeu
Now, when you wrote the book how to be a Leader, were you bringing some of that sensibility of what we can learn from history of. Look, these guys have done these extraordinary things, and I wanted to help distill their wisdom. What was the impetus?
David Rubenstein
The goal is basically this. My theory is that leaders are essential for society to move forward and not have chaos. You can't have everybody be a leader, and you can't have everybody be a follower. You have to have some leaders. And so I want to inspire younger people to read about people that have been successful and say, I could do that, or here's what that person did. I'm going to avoid that. So you really want to inspire younger people to kind of become leaders. And that's part of what I was trying to do.
Tom Bilyeu
And when you think about unity of leadership, I know one thing you're doing with the I will read it as a Congressional book club. I think you have a better name for it, but you encourage people to sort of cross the aisle and sit next to people that are across the aisle.
David Rubenstein
My first book was about that. It was called the American Story. And I started a program about six years ago where once a month I will bring all the members of Congress, can come about 2 or 300 come each time, where I will host a reception and then a dinner, and I'll interview Doris kearns, goodwinner, David McCullough, somebody like that, about American history. Subject that is relatively apolitical. And members like it because they get a nice meal. They can sit with people from the opposite party, which I encourage them to do, and the opposite House, which they often don't know, people from the opposite House. We don't have as many committees anymore that are conference committees, and so they like it. And many people have told me members of Congress started again. Now we haven't done it because of COVID So we're going to try to put it together again soon in the new Congress, even if Covid's still around, we'll have a socially distanced way of doing it. So members like it a lot.
Tom Bilyeu
And was that born of a belief that unity comes from sort of proximity and getting people to mix in new ways? Like, was that strategic or just sort of a nice benefit?
David Rubenstein
Like most things in life, it was by happenstance. I had an idea of interviewing historians, and I'd done that before, and I said, why don't we do it in front of members of Congress? And maybe we can get people to come together at the Library of Congress, which is a convenient place. It kind of stumbled into it and it worked out. Maybe the food was better than they anticipated or. Or I don't know what, but members seem to like it.
Tom Bilyeu
And taking. Going back to the book for a second, when you begin to sort of tease out patterns, you broke people up into different groups. So you have your builders, you have your creatives. Were there themes that began to play out in terms of what allows someone to have just a really unusual level of success?
David Rubenstein
Well, I Think in the end, it's persistence is more important than anything else. And having a desire to do something you want to prove so you have a vision of where you want to go, you're willing to persist and overcome. That's probably the key thing. And then again, having other qualities. Learning how to talk, learning how to write, learning how to set an example. There are many different things. But in the end you have to have a vision of where you want to go. You have to persist in it. You have to be willing to overcome failures and not be afraid of making a mistake.
Tom Bilyeu
Well, David, with that, I think that's a pretty strong place to wrap up. Where can people engage with you more? Where can they get the book? What action would you like them to take?
David Rubenstein
I think you can buy the book any place, I think and order it online. And all the proceeds go to Johns Hopkins Children's Center. So it's a non profit operation for me. But I want to thank you for giving me the time and I like your decor there and the Batman in the back and everything. Quite nice. So Batman is your role model, right?
Tom Bilyeu
Yes, that would be a very fair thing. We could get into a whole thing about that. But as a quick answer, yes.
David Rubenstein
Thanks a lot. Appreciate it.
Tom Bilyeu
Thank you, David. Guys, if you haven't already, be sure to dive into his world. It is really extraordinary. The way that he's bringing people together I think is amazing. His insights into leadership and what he's gleaned from other people is really, really phenomenal. I think you're going to be deeply blown away. And speaking of being blown away, if you haven't already, be sure to subscribe. And until next time, my friends, be legendary. Take care.
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Date: August 3, 2024
Host: Tom Bilyeu
Guest: David Rubenstein, Co-Founder of The Carlyle Group and Author of How to Lead
In this masterclass episode, Tom Bilyeu sits down with David Rubenstein, renowned private equity titan and interviewer, for a deep, wide-ranging discussion on the principles of leadership, the roots of success, and what it means to thrive in the complex landscape of modern America. Together, they explore the nature of leadership, the nuanced interplay between luck, hard work, and humility, the challenges of raising children and sustaining ambition, and the lessons history offers for our personal and collective futures.
"The effort of one or more people to convince a larger group of people to follow them in doing something that the leaders think is a good thing for everybody to do." [01:44]
"Nobody ever won a Nobel Prize working five days a week, nine to five." [04:53]
"I attribute a lot of my success to luck and a lot of that to also coming from modest means." [06:52]
"If you grow up in a modest family, you know if you’re going to get anywhere in life, you have to do it on your own." [06:52]
"The wealthiest families in the country, in any given country at any given time, generally they don’t produce the superstars." [08:38]
"In my view, success is happiness. The most elusive thing in life is personal happiness." [12:55]
"The most powerful way is by leading, by example, persuading by example." [14:38]
Rubenstein, a self-described “patriotic philanthropist,” explains the importance of preserving history, warts and all:
"If you study the past, it will help you in the future... If you don’t remember history, you are condemned to relive it." [21:08]
On Americans’ general lack of historical and civic knowledge:
Rubenstein is writing a book on the “genes of being American,” highlighting values like free speech, equality, and freedom.
“Americans think the most important quality of being an American is the right to free speech.” [23:52]
America’s Contradictions:
"Anything that is heroic does take a long time to do, and no one person could do it.” [33:27]
"Great people surround themselves with people that are smarter than them. And that's what [Lincoln] did." [34:40]
Rubenstein reads voraciously:
“Reading opened vistas for me. By reading a lot, I could be informed about things. It's a great pleasure for me to read books.” [39:27]
On specialization:
"You get to be known in an organization for having one skill ... once you master something, people say, 'maybe person A can do skill B.'" [40:23]
On passion and enjoying your work:
“If you hate what you’re doing, you’ll never be successful. Nobody ... ever won a Nobel Prize hating what they do.” [41:48]
“Everybody has failed at something in life. And if you say you haven't failed at something, you're not being honest. Everybody's failed at something.” [44:19]
Rubenstein’s efforts to bring members of Congress together (via apolitical book club dinners):
On consistent patterns among exceptional leaders:
"Persistence is more important than anything else ... you have a vision of where you want to go, you're willing to persist and overcome.” [47:59]
On Hard Work:
“Nobody ever won a Nobel Prize working five days a week, nine to five.”
— David Rubenstein [04:53]
On Leadership:
“Leaders are people who try to convince other people that it would be in everybody’s best interest to follow the leader’s views on what should be done.”
— David Rubenstein [01:44]
On Childhood and Success:
“If you grow up in a modest family, you know if you’re going to get anywhere in life, you got to do it on your own.”
— David Rubenstein [06:52]
On Success and Happiness:
“Success is happiness. The most elusive thing in life is personal happiness.”
— David Rubenstein [12:55]
On Persuasion:
“The most powerful way is by leading by example.”
— David Rubenstein [14:38]
On History's Relevance:
"Those people that don't remember history are condemned to relive it."
— David Rubenstein [21:08]
On America’s Values:
“Americans think that the most important quality of being an American is the right to free speech.”
— David Rubenstein [23:52]
On Learning from Failure:
“You learn a lot from your mistakes. And I’ve learned a lot more from my mistakes than the things that I did that worked out.”
— David Rubenstein [44:53]
The conversation is thoughtful, candid, and often humorous, with Rubenstein’s dry wit balanced by Tom’s energetic curiosity. Both speakers operate with a fundamental optimism about the future, a realism about America’s flaws, and a belief in taking lessons from history and experience. The episode encourages listeners to examine leadership in their own lives, strive for meaningful impact, and appreciate the importance of learning from both triumph and failure.